The Crappy Feelings Thread (HOTLINES in first post)

[Boschi]

Are you in Texas? Cuz that's just a normal summer day for us, lol. It's been like that here since May:(

Which is precisely why I never want to try veg. farming in Texas, unless it's onions....

Nah, I'm in Kansas, which is somehow having the driest spring/summer in forever, despite massive flooding to our north and rain, rain, rain to our south.

Yes. I'm still grumpy. Now they are saying upper nineties for another week and a half. Fuuuuuuuu.......dge.

[wayland]

I put the central heating on tonight. In July.

[JustSkipIt]

I'm really really stressed out at work and about work . Last week I got in trouble because while I was on vaca the week before there was a problem with one of my apps. Rather than call me, another programmer just spent hours and hours and days trying to fix it (wrong). Then I got called in by the boss about it. and I'm totally stressed now about an app we're trying to get out next weekend. and I was eating dinner when another friend texted to say that one of my best friends at work lost her job today. The good news is she and I do different things but still, it's unsettleing. I'm trying to stay calm and positive but I feel physically ill.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

This summer I signed up for a 9-week course and 2 11-week courses. I knew the 11-week courses end on August 8th, and I had it in my head that the 9-week courses was to end on July 24th, which would make since cause it's about 2 weeks before the end of the 11-week courses and 9 is 2 less than 11. Well, apparently my college is a stupid f*ck, cause the last day of the 9-week course was yesterday (3 weeks before the 11 wk courses end), which I realized at 11:10pm, having done absolutely nothing toward the two final assignments of the class which totaled 50% of the graded. I rushed the run of them and managed to do a half-way decent job and turn it in at 11:53, but the other I just typed out a bit of bullshit as quite as I could and turned it in at 12:06; the teacher had said he wouldn't accept anything after midnight, and I have no idea if he'll make an exception for only 6 minutes (my guess is no, cause he's kind of a jerk plus he hates grading stuff).
So basically, I got 100% on all previous assignments, but now cause I got a goddamn date wrong in my head I'll be lucky to get a C in this class, despite it probably being the easiest I've taken in college. I was so sure this class would be an easy A, and if I'd realized even yesterday afternoon when the last day was it would have been...

[little.hesperides]

Ugh. My week is not working out for me.

There was a massive lightning storm the other night (while I was out). I returned home to find out that my wireless router had died (miraculously, everything else on that surge protector was fine). The cable company can't come out until this weekend to fix it/replace it. I tried replacing it myself, but can't seem to get it working right. Thank goodness the actual modem survived, or else I'd really be out of luck. Then last night I find out that my Wii was also fried by the storm. I'm going to replace the AC adapter to see if that's the culprit. Hopefully it is, because that's going to be much cheaper than having to send the whole console in.

Life is giving me challenges this week. Expensive challenges. I am not emotionally capable of handling this crap right now.

[JustSkipIt]

Lh - before buying a new wii ac adapter, try unplugging it for a few hours from both ends.it seems to reset it.

[BeMyDeputy]

Today, I was heading out to go pick up a few groceries. Nothing major, just some things I needed to get us to the weekend.

As I was backing out of my space, I hit a van. Like, a huge company van. One of the guys working with the van was standing right there.

Now, it wasn't just a little tap. No, I fucking pulled four feet of bumper off my car. The van, at least, was mostly fine: a few inches of their bumper was dented, but the guy pulled it back into place. He went to go get his boss, who was elsewhere on the property. Oh, and he brought my property manager, too, so I got to look like a moron in front of my landlord.

Now, the good news is that they guys with the van said not to worry: no appreciable damage had been done, and they were sorry about my car. The guy who was standing there also backed up my story that I wasn't backing like crazy fast or anything.

I still feel all super tense and stressed and started crying when I called Adam to tell him about it. He was great and reassuring and everything, even though he a) hate my car and b) is going to be the one paying to fix it.

Oh, and I found the bananas I bought three days ago. They were in my car.

Shit, I forgot to take them out. Not that they're good anymore. Just, you know, my car now smells like banana.

I hate banana.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

This is really more of an annoyed/frustrated feeling, but close enough I guess...
I'm moving in with a friend, and I'm planning to arrive with my first load of stuff Thursday evening, which I told my future roommate over facebook, where we'd succesfully communicated about the apartment several times previously. I don't yet have a key, and though if I really searched I might be able to find the apartment number I certainly don't know it (nor should she expect me to, since I haven't been there in nearly a year, and have only been there at all I think twice), so I need her to know where to go and need her to be there to let me in. Before I had definite plans I told her I thought it would be sometime Thursday but would let her know for sure, and she said that would probably be fine, but since messaging her with exact plans 2 days ago I've heard nothing. I got a new phone a few months ago and lost most of my contacts, so I don't have any way to reach her except over facebook. Last night I even saw that she was online, but she still didn't write me back. I really need to know she'll be there, and it's quite frustrating that she hasn't verified. Grr.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I got some sort of bug bite on my foot this morning and it's gotten more and more painful and the top of my foot is noticeably swollen now :( Pain's never fun, but especially not when I'm supposed to be moving tomorrow.

[Finey_McFine]

I now have a truck payment...

**See happy feelings thread**

[willowtarabuffyfaith]

I'm on my period and IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE IS MINING OUT MY UTERUS WITH A SPOON! AND A BLUNT ONE AT THAT!

Jeeze sometimes I really hate being a girl.

[JujuDeRoussie]

My girlfriend's mother entered one of her insane cycles. Seems it started last Tuesday, and my outburst on Thursday just showed it. After she came unannounced and totally invasive/imposing, she left and called my girl at work, all hysterical, yelling about how she was done with both her and her brother, not once mentioning me. How they were nothing to her but trouble. Really? And on Friday, my girl went to see her, and she told her it'd be easier if they considered her dead. Now I am pretty sure she'll come around but I am so tired of her crap. She's always, "yada yada you have to always be positive, reject the negative energy and absorb the positive energy yada yada..." But she always forgets that we're humans. Duality. The Universe recognize no good nor evil, only balance. The results of her way is that she is unbalanced, and once in a while she has to balance out so she becomes insane, takes it out on my girl and her brother, and has the frakking guts to tell us it is not true.

I am so done. I will probably go to apologize even though I don't mean it. I don;t think it'll change anything but I gotta try for my girl. I'll be the more mature one and will do this so my girlfriend isn't so miserable. But I am not accepting any gifts from her, any help, and I am not staying alone with her. Emotional blackmail, I gave that up when my mom passed away.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My best friend was really grumpy the first 2 hours we were hanging out today. The rest of the time was great, but the first couple hours I was feeling so damn tense over her mood I was on the verge of wishing I wasn't even with her, which I don't think I've ever felt before. The worst part, though, was that she seemed completely unaware of being a grump, and given her mental health problems it has me a little worried; the more I think about it the more worried I get, even though I rationally know I'm probably overreacting. I'm used to her having bad days, even in the last few months since she's been on meds and very stable, but it's completely new to me to see her be grumpy without even knowing she's grumpy. It makes me worried something might really be wrong. To top it all off, she's moving to Missoula in a couple weeks where she knows literally no one. She's been living in Montana for most of the last year and a half and loves it there, but she only ever made one friend there and they had a falling out in May and they'll be in different cities now anyway. It really worries me to think of her falling apart with no one around to help her. I don't know that I really *helped* the last time things got bad for her, but at least I was there, I spent time with and saw her often enough to know that even with things falling apart she was semi-okay. This time I won't be there and... I hate it. I hate not being near her. It's about a lot more than just worrying about her, but that just feels like the tip of the iceberg. I want to be near her, but she plans on moving around so much over the next few years it makes no sense to uproot myself and move to Montana, cause in two years she'll be done with school and off on her next adventure. I love that she wants adventures, but selfishly I wish she wanted to settle down so I could settle down near her, even though I know if she wanted that she wouldn't be her... *sigh* Sometimes life is complicated. Sometimes I really hate that I only have one close friend and she loves a couple thousand miles away. All the time I wish life could be easier for those I love.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

7 months ago today I returned to Austin after my disastrous move to Kentucky. Emotionally, I've been passed it for awhile now, but today I found out it's screwing me over again. Less than 2 weeks ago I learn that a friend was in desperate need of a roommate, and as I had been staying staying at my mother's house since the return from KY I was in need of a place to stay, so we happily made arrangements for me to move in. Last Thursday I moved about 80% of my stuff in, then I went and bought a bed and moved that in, and found a lease application waiting for me. I know, it was probably stupid of me not to apply to live here before actually moving in, but I got all excited, plus I wanted to help my friend out by moving in asap. It hadn't occurred to me that it would be a problem. I looked through the application Thursday evening, and thought my credit and rental history might require me to make an extra deposit, but this was no big deal. I didn't get the chance to take the application in Friday, and when I tried Saturday the office was closed, so I went in today. Though it wasn't clear from the application, they absolutely positively 100% do not lease to anyone with a broken lease within the last two years, regardless of circumstances. The woman I talked to suggested I fill out a new application and not list my apartment in Kentucky, and that way there was a small chance they wouldn't find the broken lease when searching my history. If they do, I'm screwed; I won't be allowed to move into the place that I already moved into. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
I like it here. I like the place, I like my roommate and her son, I like my roommate's cats, and I love not living in the tiny garage of my mom's house anymore. I don't want to move again, and I don't want my friend to be back roommate-less. Most of all, this is cluing me in to how difficult it will be to find *any* apartment for the next year and a half until my broken lease stops mattering quite so much. Staying at my mom's that long isn't an option, unless I take over the entirety of the mortgage payment which I would be very hard-pressed to do, and I want a place of my own besides. I want *this* place. I don't wanna go... I just want that idiotic chapter of my life to be behind me. I want a second chance, and it looks like this won't be the place to give it to me.

[little.hesperides]

I haven't received any projects from one of my primary clients in more than a month. This client has sent me work on a fairly regular basis for the past year. Needless to say, my income has dropped significantly, leaving me with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I've been sending out my resume to different agencies, trying to drum up new clients, and I'm in the middle of updating my website to hopefully pull in a little bit more business as well. Ugh. I don't want to have to go back to an office job or to working customer service somewhere again. That stuff sucked my soul out.

[JustSkipIt]

Yesterday afternoon another co-worker was laid off. She and I supported the same third-party product that is supposedly the "meat & potatoes" of the organization. Now I'll be doing that with my boss as backup. It's not something I want to spend more time on although I guess it makes my job pretty secure. I feel bad watching friends get laid off. In the meantime my office hired 11 new people on Monday. The difference is that the new people are auditors which is what we do and the laid off people are all support staff. I thought we couldn't manage with fewer support staff but apparently we will.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I've been trying to do my laundry since Friday, and my inability to do so keeps screwing everything else up. This morning when I tried to start, I discovered that a special key is required to use the machines here (after I'd already put my money in, which I couldn't get back). A special key that I do not yet have, because the jerks at the office STILL haven't processed my lease application and approved me to live here. I'm sure my roommate will let me borrow her laundry key, but that means I have to wait for her to get up, which means I won't have time to go the gym after my laundry and before a friend comes over, which means I have to do my run tomorrow either before leaving for work or at the gym between work and taking my final. Since my sleep schedule's gotten majorly off the last few days thanks to staying up until 2:30 finish assignments on Friday, I don't think getting up by 6:00am tomorrow is gonna happen, so it means using my afternoon to go the gym and run instead of studying for my test. Plus doing my Sunday run on Monday is going to throw off my training schedule, and it just makes me GRRR.

[nightmask]

While I was away this summer at RISD pre-college I met this beautiful girl named Hannah with blue hair and amazing eyes, on my birthday I told her I liked her more than a friend and she told me that her answer wasn't a no, but she was still unsure if she liked me or not because we've only known each other for a few weeks. On the last day (August 6th) I kissed her goodbye. Now the thing is I've never kissed a girl before and I've been dreaming about doing just that ever since I realized I liked girls which was about 3 years ago. Hannah is bisexual but she has never kissed a girl or a guy so we ere both extremely nervous when my friend asked her if I could possibly kiss her goodbye on the last day. So On the last day (which was actually yesterday) I texted her and she didn't respond at all, today I texted her again in the late afternoon. it's 9:25 pm right now and she still hasn't texted me. None of my other friends are responding to my texts either, so I have no one to talk to and I'm freaking out that I ruined what was growing between me and Hannah because I kissed her. I don't know if I made her feel uncomfortable or if she just hasn't checked her phone at all since I last saw her. This girl is the first girl I have ever kissed and she is currently breaking my heart because she won't even talk to me or acknowledge me at all. I don't know if I did anything wrong and I can't seem to let go of her I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really trying to move on, but I just wish she would contact me somehow and explain why she hasn't responded to any of my texts or at least tell me if she regrets letting me kiss her.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I probably won't get to see my friends again before they leave for college, and it turns out M, who is like a little sister to me, won't be coming home for Thanksgiving; neither will my best friend, but I'm at least used to her being far away. This will be M's first year of college, and even though I've gone longer than 4 months without seeing her before it's really weird to me that she won't be around. I'm really going to miss them both, and M's sister E whom I've spent way more time with this summer than I had in years. I don't have many friends, especially in person, and when they leave my social life will go back to being virtually non-existent. :(

[nightmask]

I just threw up in the car on the way to pick up my sister from the airport so now my hair is all sticky and smells bad. Urghgh this week officially sucks

[brave-little-toaster]

I feel like I'm going to puke because my Mom and I are fighting so badly and I just don't know what to do about it anymore. It's gonna be a long 10 days.

[Ariel]

Hey, brave-little-toaster,

Really feeling it. My Dad and I used to fight, his drinking definitely didn't help our relationship! Whatever you can do to avoid her/not engage her. Whatever you can do to take care of yourself, do it because you deserve it! Sending the good thoughts, hang in there, girlfriend!

Ariel

[Finey_McFine]

I haven't seen my wife awake since Monday afternoon. When I get home from work, she's already asleep and she leaves long before I'm up in the morning. I hate her stupid ass schedule!!

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I fell on my run this morning and scraped my left knee badly :(

[Finey_McFine]

I have another hideously long marathon work week ahead of me and I'm not looking forward to it. August kinda sucks; I'm slammed and barely making it through because of the stifling heat. I think I probably worked 80+ hours last week and then had to do the school clothes shopping thing with the daughter on my 2 days off...pure torture. At this point water boarding sounds more appealing.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I miss my old job. Really painfully miss it. I miss my babies. So many of them have had birthdays now that I wasn't there for, and they'll all have so many more to come. I'll never see them again. It's been 4 months but it still breaks my heart. I'll never get to hear W say my name again, never get another running hug from R, never have I sit on my lap again, never again see E's smile or hear him talk like Yoda. I won't get to see them grow in to people. I won't get to help them learn and grow.
Nannying just isn't the same. I miss being in a classroom, I miss showing up to work and having P climb on a chair just cause he wanted me to tell him to get down, I miss CH giving me his pacy as soon as I came in, I miss CG running up to me with the knock knock book, I miss I coming to hug me every time I saw her, I miss being able to go into nearly every class and have kids be happy to see me, I miss hearing S pronounce my name like 'gentleman', I miss leading half a dozen toddlers in the stomping game every single morning, I miss leaf facials with L and E... I miss everything.

I try not to regret. It's one of the rules of my life that I try to find at least a little good in everything, and I almost always can. But no matter how hard I try I can't not regret that I can never go back there. I can't stop wishing I could at least go visit once in a while, just to see how big they've grown and if any of them remember me.

[Ariel]

Hey, CTW you sound like an amazing, loving teacher. Those kids were lucky to have you there for them!

I just left my son off at Grinnell College in Iowa, I said good-bye with love, have confidence in him and told him so, but I have a thousand regrets that I wasn't as good a mother as i wanted to be. I've been crying and Kate has been holding me. I wish I could undo my rotten housekeeping and bad to non-existent cooking in his high school years. At least I know that I always loved him and encouraged him and that he turned out well.

Ariel

[Finey_McFine]

This is less of "cappy feelings" and more of 'I feel crappy.' What's the difference? Well, I just feel downright crappy. The heat, coupled with a high volume of clients and getting my kid ready for school on Monday has literally kicked my ass to the curb. I think I may just make an appointment for my wife and I to have a couples massage on Monday. Hmm...that's not so crappy after all.

[Finey_McFine]

I'm not really feeling crappy, I just have anxiety. Even though I'm safe and sound down here in Texas, I'm feeling anxiety for the people along the east coast. I have friends and family from Miami to Boston and I'm worried about them. Hopefully the storm will stay far enough off the coast and cause minimal damage, but it sure does look nasty.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My dad rarely gives me compliments, and to be honest it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable when he does, but it's kind of nice at the same time. Tonight he gave me lots of compliments and affection, because he was drunk. I hate feeling like the nice things he said mean jack shit, and are quite possibly not his genuine sentiments when sober.