" Through it all" ....

[Scout]

Yes, I think it's a work-in-progress for a lot of kittens.



Kristine, I really like that quote. Dealing with anger toward ME has been hard and as each new revelation comes out, it makes it even harder to accept and move on. But what you said is right – it does help when you focus on keeping the love for W/T in your heart and just try to right the wrong as best you can. I’m sure that’s the healthiest way to go about it, too. Thanks!

[the vamp nurd]

Fan fic, W/T love. Family, friends and the offer of drink down the local. *g*

[katlurkin]

I was a very unhappy depressed teenager. Everyone always told me to enjoy high school, "they would be the best years of my life". Of couse with that advice I attempted suicide, because if this was the best, I didn't want to experience the rest.



This lead me to getting lock up for a couple of months where I made my first big knowledge break through. The professionals in the nut house and all the adults around me . . . .didn't have a clue and were almost as confused as I was. There was no "fix" or "cure" for what ailed me. Oddly this helped. I made me feel more normal and in control. I realized If I was ever going to be happy, I would have to do it, noone else could.



The second big realization I've had came with life experience.

It always gets better.

That sounds trite and simplistic, but if you truely understand and KNOW that no matter how bad everything is for you RIGHT NOW, it will get better . .

maybe not as quick as you want. . . but eventually. It's just a matter of surviving and keeping your chin up, looking for the sun until then.

Edited by: katlurkin  at: 7/25/02 9:37:46 pm

[friskylez]

Amen KatLurking, Surviving is the key word and once ya do and make it thru all the crap and the bad stuff, the old addage "what doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger" comes to mind..Truer words were never spoken..Its the trying to survive thats the tough part...I hang in there every day in hopes things will change for me and no its not soon enough, but my parents are there to tell me to, as you say "keep your chin up"...God bless em

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

[magickalbear]

I want to thank you guys for starting this thread. It has made me feel a lot better in a strangely comforting way. Unfortunately, I don't have a very large social network (in fact you could say it's an anorexic social network as it is so small), so I don't really rely on friends. I used to have a great friend that I had in my life, but that blew up in a huge and ugly mess right around the time that I realized that I didn't need my best friend to be strong, that I could do it on my own. I guess what gets me through a lot of things in life is that I can look back at a lot of the trials that I have been though and when another hard road appears I can look at it and say if that previous experience (i.e., walking out on a relationship that had regressed to a horrible level, having a cousin get shot in the head and have it become a media circus when it was discovered that the person that was in jail for the shooting wasn't really the person that did it, and having it now believed that my cousin was the one that did the shooting after all - ugh... real big situation in my area) haven't killed me, that it hurts and is scary, but I survived and made it through, that I can get through what comes up next. In other words, if I can survive the stuff that I already have, there is nothing out there that I can't survive. I've been though too much now to give up, but that doesn't mean it's not still hard to do. I'm still a chicken, and I still don't always want to do the things I know I need to do that will be difficult and scary, but I still do them - eventually. Well, to be honest, I haven't done a couple of them yet, but I can't yet for some of them because of other circumstances.. you know how that goes.



Gosh, I just realized that I am sitting here all crying and rambling and a mess. It was a catharsis.. Thanks



So, in other words, strength is the one thing that gets me through, strength and chocolate. Strength and Chocolate are the two things that get me through.. strength, chocolate and smut. Right. Strength, chocolate and smut are the three things that get me through. Right. (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition - gosh, I hope I'm not the only person who loves that sketch, so I guess I get to add Monty Python also gets me through too )

[Adelus]

Hi,



slayer747 wrote:

Quote:

---

" i am a hard person to deal with, i know that...but i sure hope that this someone will be willing to go through this hardships with me. not just "for" me but "with" me, ya know?"

---

I just want to let you know that I hear you! I share my life with someone who habitually describes herself as "a hard person to deal with", and while a lot of people out there might be tempted to agree with her... she is my oasis. It has been my good fortune that she was able to trust me enough to open up to me, and that is really the most wonderful gift. We have exactly the kind of relationship you describe. Thank you so much for your post.



So on an official note (for thread's sake), my dear girlfriend is definitely what keeps me going.



But I gotta add: Willow and Tara - they were and are really important to me, and there's definitely an empty space in my universe now



I can always take refuge in Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, at least *he* knows how to treat his characters, plus he knows about consistency in a story (by the way, his book "small gods" makes reference to Galileo's words at the Inquisition; it's a twist on all things religious, I highly recommend it). And, dare I say it: pink flamingoes. Such wonderful, whimsical beings. When I'm in the dumps I think to myself that if the Universe took the time to create pink flamingoes, then the Universe has time to take care of me too.



Adélus

[friskylez]

My parents gave me a couple of books, things to think about when all is not going well..The quotes wont pay the bills but they do have alot of wisdom behind them and they help me see past whats going on at the moment..



i found this quote re strength "Life teaches us painful lessons, but it is from adversity that strength is born" In other words what doesnt kill ya makes you stronger



And there is "luck is like a chameleon, give it a little time and it will surely change"...



And a final one, its not always about what you have that makes one successful,

"He has achieved success who has worked well, laughed often and loved much"

Its the small things in life and i try to remember that when im in a real downer of a mood..Peace

"Middle age is when you have two choices and you choose the one that gets you home early"

[slayer747]

adelus, thanks for that reply. it kinda gives me hope that i'll find her someday...

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[thegirlwiththecurl]

Had to add honesty in here amidst so many beautiful, honest posts.



Wouldn't the world be a whole heap simpler if we were all entirely honest with one another??

[Pagan singer]

Wonderful posts girls..



I'd say for me.. The five elements.. There's a beautiful song by PJ Harvey where she sings: "Throw your pain in the river.."



There's a river 10 minutes walk away from where I live, and it always apeased my mind and soul to go and sit by it, and just watch the water flowing away.. To throw my pain in the river.. I like sea-gazing as well.

Also watching the wind playing with the leaves of a trea.. touching a tree.. watching a fire burn.. etc.. It depends on the kind of energy I need.



The thing is, also, that sometimes you don't let people help you.. You think you don't want to annoy them with your problems, even when they are trying to reach you.. I used to keep things for myself, even when I was with close friends. But i learnt that sharing what's unbearable gives them the sense you are trusting them.. and most of them take it as a favour.. a present. If only we learned how to trust each other a bit more..



But it's never too late to give it a try!

[slayer747]

you guys just make me want to fight. my family's in another big trouble right now, and reading your posts definitely makes things a little easier. makes me smile a bit.

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[LiangFeng]

One word for me. Wushu. If you don't know what it is, it's kung-fu. If you don't know what that is, click on my signature. Seems weird that my outlet is such as small thing as a sport, am I right? But I guess when the world is so hard, one has to find solace in the smallest things.



I really don't believe true love is possible, even among family. *gets killed by alla Kittens, hee hee* Sorry, but I never felt connected with my fam. I think it's the whole traditional Chinese family with lesbian ABC(American Born Chinese for those not familiar) daughter. And as you know, males dominate the household. When West/Eastern thinking clash? OMG, you get Hell. My dad use to hit me and my mom alot, happens alot with Chinese fams. I guess it burned into my head to not get too close to him. Both are homophobic so u can get how it is with my mom.



But you know, it's nice to dream, right? It's nice to dream of someone who would love you completely and make you feel not so alone. I'd be nice to have someone to lean on and make you feel safe. I guess a lil bit of me wants that and somehow, the hope won't die. Geez, don't you hate it when that happens?



But what the hell right? Either what I'm saying is totally correct or totally crap. I'm leaning towrds the crap right now, seeing as I'm thirteen and have probably no idea what I'm saying with alla hormones rushing through me.



So yeah, Wushu, and fantasizing. =)

O-Mei Duei! JIA YOU!

[friskylez]

LiangFang, Ah my heart was heavy when i read your post, but dont ever give up hope, Ok? You are so very young and have your whole life ahead of you...Hell i am considerably older than you and have become quite cynical in my older age, but i still hope and always will...For a better life, to find my soulmate, that the world will one day be better for lesbians and gays, that there will be no more wars, hatred or famine..



Its ok to hope, thats what keeps us alive...So hang in there, you have the wonderful kittens here if you ever need someone to talk to, vent, need a hug, whatever...As ive said Xita did a really wonderful thing creating this board, the people here are some of the classiest, coolest, nicest, most caring, compassionate people i have ever had the pleasure to get to know...

Remember that ok? Peace

From Everythings Relative, .."the personal is political "

[slayer747]

Quote:

---

One word for me. Wushu. If you don't know what it is, it's kung-fu. If you don't know what that is, click on my signature. Seems weird that my outlet is such as small thing as a sport, am I right? But I guess when the world is so hard, one has to find solace in the smallest things.

---

i know how that works... i find solace in the 15 seconds of headrush (from cigs) -- i know it is not as healthy as kung-fu, but it works for me... just be reminded that we're always gonna be here. alright? *hugs*

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[EffieBlue]

My Daughter gets me through. when i went for custody of her I was told plain and simple, don't bother .you wont win. I was/am out. as out as can be...my daughter was my ex g/f 's child. she left leaving her child behind. My ex g/f's family decided they wanted the child...she belonged to them. I asked my daughter what she wanted. she wanted to stay with me. Good enough for me. I went to court. they all, each member of the family put in a claim for custody. Grandmother, aunts and uncles.all saying she belonged to them. Again I was told give up..accept visitation a couple of times a year, it's all you'll get. Again I asked my daughter...again she said stay with me. she just kept telling me, "we'll do it mom, I'll stay with you..don't give up" so I didn't. and we won. We made legal history. I never hid who i was and my daughter never gave up. they claimed blood relative rights, we won as family. My daughter's and mine favourite Buffy ep is Family.

whenever I am down...fed up...had enough...I just look at my daughter...think what we went through...and I know then no matter what comes along ..we can get through it.

[friskylez]

I just wanted to bring this thread back because as i said in the daily thread, my 12 yr anniversary of being sober is coming up Sept 1st..It hasnt been easy and there was one time recently that i got so far as taking the cap off the bottle but didnt go thru with it..



i was pissed about the way things were going for me, i was in a very bad place and i said phuck it and walked down to the local liquor store and bought a six pack...Well on the way back, i had a conversation with my higher power..First to preface:



i was seeing someone who had just decided she didnt want to be a lesbian, she couldnt handle what her friends or family would think..Didnt even want to be friends..Between that and recently having quit my job of 11 yrs, financial woes etc, i had had about enough, hence my trip to the liquor store..



I said to my higher power, ( not actually believing anything extraordianry would take place)" if you dont want me to drink why dont you have so and so (the name of the girl who just left me) call at about the time i pop the top..We'll see if you really exist"...



I should mention, I hadnt heard from this young lady in over three weeks....Well i got back home and popped the top on the beer when my phone rang..i almost had a heart attack and i thought no way, its not her..



I answered the phone and sure enough it was, she said she was calling to see if i was ok ..I got kind of snippy and said "yep im just fine, thanks for asking, is there anything else you wanted?" She was silent for a minute and said "youre not drinking are you"...



I guess she sensed something was wrong, cause she got talkative all of a sudden and started saying she hoped it wasnt because of her, blah blah blah, went on about some other stuff..Next thing i know there is a knock on my door, there she was..



She hung up her cell phone, took a look at me with the beer in my hand and started crying...Well needless to say i had to tell her the story of my conversation with my higher power, which of course made her cry even more and got me going..



Well, we talked for a few minutes, then she asked me to give her the beer..I almost didnt but then i remembered my promise, so i did..She left and since that nite, i havent heard from nor have i seen her since..



That was almost a year ago..These days everytime things get bad and i want to drink, i think back to that nite and the promise i made...Im glad she came into my life and that im still , albeit not happy with where im at right now, i am happily sober..

From Everythings Relative, "the personal is political" .

[Rosenberg]

Damn, Friskylez, that’s really some story! I’m pretty much convinced that there aren’t any coincidences in life, everything happens for a reason. I’m glad your Higher Power was there to support you. It’s too bad that it had to be in the guise of this particular woman, but it ultimately worked out for the best. I’m glad to hear that you’re still sober and have had the courage and determination to remain so. I don’t drink, so it’s kind of hard for me to completely relate to your situation, but I would like to congratulate you on your anniversary, and I hope you have many more years of sobriety to celebrate.

[GracefulVictory]

This is a great idea for a thread!!!



I question lots, need to act more. Sometimes I get so stunted by the day to day. Sometimes I feel like "I'm going through the motions..." So what gets me through??



My belief in God. I'm not really all that religious and I don't agree with all that I was raised with. But deep in my heart and soul, there's a reason we're all here. I may not know the end goal, but we're all here to help one another. Along the way we're confronted by tests and struggles, and along the way we find comfort and support from other people.



I live a very blessed life, but I struggle with the "coming out" issues of life. And throughout a very happy existence, there were several occurrences of darkness. Whew, yucky darkness. The only way I picked myself up is to see what God has given me... Sometimes it was hard for me to see beyond the tears and broken heart, for that matter a broken soul. But somehow some light shined through.



The light came from lines in a song, smiles in the crowd, memories in the mind. The smile of Willow and Tara and the congregation of kittens shine a light in the tunnel of life.



I truly believe that when you need it the most God finds a way to help you through it all.



I may still be a little lost and delirious... but I know that I'm never alone.

[friskylez]

Thank you Rosenberg, it is quite the special feat for me especially in light of the crappy year i have had..Most people who drink are happy drunks and can have a good time, i happen to be one of those whose personality changed to the degree i wasnt even recognizable as myself..



I was very self destructive and went into an i dont give a shit mode most of the time..I know that if i ever take another drink i probably wont be able to get back to where i am now..i tend to be very hard on myself and would most likely never be able to forgive myself and id end up doing something pretty awful..



I dont want to be that person ever again and with the bad times its much more difficult to maintain my sobriety, but i think back to the person i was and the promise i made and i perservere..

From Everythings Relative, "the personal is political" .

[slayer747]

friskylez,

you can do it, girl.



and kittens, i just want to thank you guys for helping me get through anything that comes my way.



hugs to ya all.

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[kpmuse]

When someone says to me "What are you so upset about? It's just a show! Tara is just a fictional character" I think of this great passage that I read in O Magazine by Nora Ephron, highly successful and acclaimed writer & director:



"I've just surfaced from spending several days in a state of rapture: I was reading a book. I loved this book. I loved every second of it. I was transported into its world. I was reminded of all sorts of things in my own life. I was in anguish over the fate of its characters. I felt alive and engaged and positively brilliant, bursting with ideas, brimming with memories of other books I've loved. I composed a dozen imaginary letters to the author, letters I'll never write, much less send, letters of praise, letters of entirely inappropriate personal information about my own experiences with the author's subject matter, even a letter of recrimination when one of the characters died and I was grief stricken, But mostly I composed imaginary letters of gratitude: The state of rapture that occurs when I read a wonderful book is one of the main reasons I read, but it doesn't happen every time, or even every other time, and when it does, I'm truly beside myself with joy."



So there you have it. Nora Ephron gets lost in a creative medium too. We are all in good company together showing our authentic selves. When we share our joy of Willow and Tara, when we feel this rapture, we are being true, brave and our real selves. This is something that many people can't do.



So please don't let anyone ever make you feel bad because you are in a state of rapture with something authentic and full of love.



So there people who make fun of me! Go away now!



Yeah Friskylez!

Kristine

Tara & Willow Love Forever

[EffieBlue]

Friskylez



we can have a double celebration.



you 12 yrs sober on sept 1st



my daughters 12 yr B'day on sept 8th



Stay strong.. You can do anything and everything.

_____________________
Drucilla.."I'm ringing! I'm ringing..all....over...." Darla takes a cellphone from Dru's cleaveage....
"Oh..I forgot about that" Said Dru...

[friskylez]

EffieBlue, Slayer747, Kpmuse Thanks for the well wishes and congrats !!



My family has been very supportive which has helped immensely during the rough times..My father is not an emotional man, but one year at Christmas, with tears in his eyes he said that he was very proud of me....



My Pop also stated that he tells anyone who will listen about my accomplishment..This made me feel really great simply because i didnt know he mentioned my alcoholism to anyone..I figured it was to embarrasing for him...



It touched me to no end to have him say those words to me..By the way EB, my bday is Sept 12th, so we have three things to celebrate

From Everythings Relative, "the personal is political" .

Edited by: friskylez  at: 8/21/02 12:14:41 am

[kpmuse]

This inspires me every day. From this site www.grandtimes.com/rosa.html



When Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man forty years ago on December 1, 1955, she was tired and weary from a long day of work.



At least that's how the event has been retold countless times and recorded in our history books. But, there's a misconception here that does not do justice to the woman whose act of courage began turning the wheels of the civil rights movement on that fateful day.



Rosa Parks was physically tired, but no more than you or I after a long day's work. In fact, under other circumstances, she would have probably given up her seat willingly to a child or elderly person. But this time Parks was tired of the treatment she and other African Americans received every day of their lives, what with the racism, segregation, and Jim Crow laws of the time.

"Our mistreatment was just not right, and I was tired of it," writes Parks in her recent book, Quiet Strength, (ZondervanPublishingHouse, 1994). "I kept thinking about my mother and my grandparents, and how strong they were. I knew there was a possibility of being mistreated, but an opportunity was being given to me to do what I had asked of others."



Kittens

Kristine

Tara & Willow Love Forever

[slayer747]

so, i guess we really should just ang in there, huh?

okay.

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[friskylez]

Edited to say, Thanks Janice and KpMuse..I deleted my post, no need in wallowing in it anymore..there is a saying in AA, as i told Janice, dont get Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired..If ya notice it spells HALT, i guess i was all of those and more last nite..



Ive always thought i was a pretty strong person, but sometimes, ya get tired of having to be strong..Anyway thanks for your kind words Linda

From Everythings Relative, "the personal is political" .

Edited by: friskylez  at: 8/30/02 7:10:27 am

[emma peel]

You have mail.

Janice

[kpmuse]

Hang in Friskylez. No lecture, just moral support. I'm here too if you need to talk.

Kristine

Tara & Willow Love Forever

[hilarita]

friskylez-



editing, editing...



no matter what friskylez- youve still made that promise to yourself. and you are still very much an inspiration to me.



hilary

Edited by: hilarita at: 9/1/02 10:01:15 am

[friskylez]

Ah Hilarita, it is very very nice of you to say what you did, thank you Edited , thank goodness for that key eh to say thank you again Hilary, Im a virgo so im always up for a challenge, this will give me something to strive for, for the next 12 yrs



I received an email from Xita, just a few short words, but

what she said touched me and made me feel like i am

a part of a wonderful community..Janice and KpMuse offered heartfelt words as well ...I dont "know" alot of kittens personally, but i know that this is "home" for me and the kittens are my kindred spirits and folks id like to call friends..



So thank you again for your words, i shall take them to heart and rock on, one day at a time

From Everythings Relative, "the personal is political" .

Edited by: friskylez  at: 9/1/02 9:49:19 pm