Social Phobia

[Gatito Grande]

I've never looked at this thread before. I dunno why: maybe it hit too close to home, or maybe I thought "I've got enough problems on my plate; why take on any more?"







I can relate to some aspects of Social Anxiety Disorder, but not the others (the fact that it is frequently treated w/ anti-depressants---which I'm on, for depression---shows the relationship). But I definitely am on board w/ the "If w/ people for an hour, need to be by myself for 3 to recover" (I usually just attribute that to extreme introversion, however).



There's a degree to which I like to "perform" in front of others: if I'm properly prepared, and especially if I'm reading (or possibly singing) someone else's words. And, most important, if it's done out of love (like yesterday, reading in church), not as a requirement (for a grade, for pay).



This is a problem, as I am seeking employment (if ever there was an event not done out of love, it's the job interview The only thing worse than an interview, is not getting an interview. )



The difficulty in being w/ people (like, a small group, not anonymous in a crowd), is my short attention span (I've often wondered if I have adult ADD). I constantly have to battle my innate urge to retreat into my own (bizarrely compelling) thoughts, than to stay attuned to whomever I'm with. When I lose that battle (and I frequently do), I feel like they can probably tell, and that I'm being extremely rude (ala "If you find me sooooo boring, Zoned-Out GG, why the hell should I spend any time w/ you?" Didn't help that my ex used to lecture me about this, too).



In many ways, the Story of My Life is one of retreating into my own world, and walling out others (and then bemoaning "Why am I alone? Why can't I find a girlfriend, a Soulmate?" . . . to say nothing of "Why can't I find a job?" Employers are not lining up to partake of My Private Fantasy Life, GG! )



I'd really like to try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: I think if I'd gone that track, 6 or 7 years ago when I first (re-) started talk therapy, I might well have finished my degree a heck of a lot faster, and probably be (reasonably) successfully employed now (Who knows? Maybe my marriage might even have survived . . . though there's a major part of me---the woman-lovin' part ---that's So Glad it didn't.) But now I'm flat broke, and barely pay my $10/month for my meds ($10 . . . if I can keep paying my now $380/month health insurance! ) : there's no way I can pay for therapy, too.



So now, I'm just going the Self-Help Book route, and hope that I can get my act together before my parents cut me off completely . . .



GG Sucks to be me Out

[darkmagicwillow]

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But I definitely am on board w/ the "If w/ people for an hour, need to be by myself for 3 to recover" (I usually just attribute that to extreme introversion, however).

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Sounds normal to me. (-;



Have you ever read Marti Laney's The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World? I did a quick read at the bookstore (be sure Triscuit isn't reading this thread, would you? ;-), and found the book to be very much what it claimed to be:

Do you "zone out" if too much is going on? Are you energized by spending time alone? In meetings, do you need to be asked for your opinions and ideas? Do you tend to notice details that other people miss? Is your ideal celebration a small get-together, rather than a big party? Do you often feel like a tortoise surrounded by hares?



The good news is, you're an introvert. The better new is that by celebrating the inner strengths and uniqueness of being an "innie," The Introvert Advantage shows introverts, and the extroverts who love them, how to work with instead of against their temperament to enjoy a well-lived life. Covering relationships, parenting -- including parenting the introverted child -- socializing, and the workplace, here are coping strategies, tactics for managing energy, and hundreds of valuable tips for not only surviving but truly thriving in an extrovert world.

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There's a degree to which I like to "perform" in front of others: if I'm properly prepared, and especially if I'm reading (or possibly singing) someone else's words. And, most important, if it's done out of love (like yesterday, reading in church), not as a requirement (for a grade, for pay).

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It took a semester for me to become accustomed to teaching as a grad student, but since then, I've always found it easy and enjoyable to speak in front on a group on any topic where I have knowledge.

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This is a problem, as I am seeking employment (if ever there was an event not done out of love, it's the job interview The only thing worse than an interview, is not getting an interview.)

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On the other hand, I agree with you here: interactions which I engage in infrequently, especially stressful ones like interviews, are the worst. I've been the interviewer too (which is less stressful), where I discovered that interviews are not a very effective way to decide whether someone's the right person for the job you're offering either, so I tend to regard them as a form of torture invented by extraverts.

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"Omnia mutantur, nihil interit." -- "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

[WhiteSkyFire]

Just a little update for me. I've finally managed to get a social worker and will be speaking with a Psychiatrist soon. The social worker didn't want to go into to much detail since it was our first visit. Have another visit with her next week. I do have an anxiety disorder (duh) But we have not tagged it yet or found to what degree it may be.



I'm a bit nervous about seeing this Psychiatrist because, well... he's a he. The social worker said that he is very good, so I will give him the benefit of the doubt... i'm just very uncomfortable around men I dont know. So it should be interesting if nothing else.



Anywho... at least I've made it this far and have not backed down. Hopefully we'll get a handle on this so I can actually do things, like get a job, without freaking out.



Sky

[Krazy Dreamer]

Hey GG, you may not have Social Phobia, but I found your post to be very interesting nonetheless. The whole job interview thing, yeah, not fun. Luckily, those days are behind me for now. This phrase in particular stood out to me,

Quote:

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I constantly have to battle my innate urge to retreat into my own (bizarrely compelling) thoughts, than to stay attuned to whomever I'm with. When I lose that battle (and I frequently do), I feel like they can probably tell, and that I'm being extremely rude (ala "If you find me sooooo boring, Zoned-Out GG, why the hell should I spend any time w/ you?"

---

I’m right on board with you here. I often times find my own thoughts to be more intriguing than what is going on around me. This has caused me tons of unnecessary grief, as I’m sure it has you as well. I think I’m much better about it now, though, because, I have to tell myself that I can always go inside my head and spend time with my thoughts later, but what’s going on around me, and what people are saying and doing now won’t always be here, and I might miss out on some important clue. Ok, so at this point I treat my life like a mystery novel, but it has proven to be very helpful to me. Also it’s important to me to be available for others, particularly kids, because growing up I always felt like no one was there for me. I admit that I spend a large portion of my free time writing, because it’s necessary for me to sort out all my thoughts, particularly on days when I must spend a lot of time with others. (Perhaps this is also why I have such a colorful and vivid dream life.)



I also understand about “walling out others.” Sometimes it’s just too painful to let people in. Especially in your case since you just went through an incredibly painful divorce. I would say, don’t stress out or pressure yourself too much, give yourself some time to heal. Then you’ll be able and ready to give yourself completely to a new relationship. Also, you might want to look into a state-sponsored mental health facility for counseling. Money doesn’t have to be an issue, especially since you are unemployed, you should be able to find a clinic that charges you based on your income. In some cases, you can even receive free care. I would say it would definitely be worth looking into, especially if you want to try the Cognitive Behavior Therapy.



I wish you luck and happiness, and hope things start going your way soon.







And darkmagicwillow, that book, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Laney sounds very intriguing. I’m going to have to check it out.







Also, hey Sky, good luck to you with your therapy. The fact that you have taken such a huge step in seeking help, I would say, is a very positive sign. I too used to have issues with men, so I understand your fears. I am happy to say, however, that I have completely overcome these issues, so just know that it is possible. (Unfortunately, now I have issues with women. Just kidding.) Anyway, in some ways it may be good for you to see a man, in other ways, maybe not. I think it’s important in a therapeutic relationship that you feel comfortable with your therapist, so you may want to consider seeing someone else. Of course, only you know what’s right for you, so I’ll shut up now.



I also wanted to say hi and good luck to all my fellow Kittens who suffer so badly from SA, that they can’t even bring themselves to post. Up until two years ago, I was the same, so take heart.

"Some men see things as they are and say,'why?' I dream things that never were and say, 'why not?'"

- Robert F. JFK

Edited by: Krazy Dreamer at: 6/19/04 1:30 pm

[Triscuit7]

I'm not certain whether or not I have social phobia, but when I was an undergrad at WVU I had a communication course in which the instructors tested the students for communication apprehension. It turns out that I have communication apprehension in spades - I'm an overachiever there it seems. It really wasn't that big a surprise to me. As a child my mother would always try to get me talk to people in the stores or on the street with very little success. I've always had difficulty meeting new people, speaking in front of groups, interacting at parties. I loathe(d) the thought of walking up to strangers and starting a conversation or asking directions. The telephone was never my friend; my hometown still had an operator and party lines through much of elementary school and junior high. That was nasty. Torture in high school was a summer job that involved cold calling for newspaper subscriptions.



Today am I afraid of talking to people on the phone or walking up to strangers? No. Those actions do, however, make me nervous. Nothing has changed really since I took that exam. I still hate the telephone; I typically put off making things like appointments until I absolutely HAVE to simply because of my anxiety about talking to the stranger on the other end. Parties are usually a negative experience for me since my apprehensiveness is compounded by claustrophobia. I went to the Kitten Gathering in Vegas (2003) and while I had a lovely time, I still felt my normal awkwardness and introversion - I am shy and retiring, really! That whole thing of never knowing what to say tends to make my voice higher than normal. And if any Kittens who were in Vegas were wondering why I would move away, well, that was the claustrophobia kicking in.... On a plane, in a movie theater, give me an aisle seat, please.



Meeting people for the first time is always difficult for me. I get fidgety and tongue-tied, the result being sentences in which the words are all jumbled up. And sometimes I stutter too. If the situation is one on one I do relax, especially if it's someone I WANT to be interacting with. I don't relax in a group though. I seem to be missing that thing that lets you know when to enter the conversation and usually misjudge when to interject a comment or I say something totally lame because that part of the conversation ended already. In groups of more than 3 people I just become a very good listener. It helps that Darcy is an extrovert and can handle the social end of things with pleasure.



The interesting thing is that I am the manager of a mall bookstore and interact with the public for 10-12 hours a day and it is a job that I love most of the time (although not so much lately). For some reason communication of that sort doesn't kick off the apprehension - I can sell you books without batting an eye. Stick me in a meeting with 20 other store managers and it's a different story. I usually jump on the first few questions - get it out of the way - and then I sit back and let the extroverts run things.



Anyway that's me and my two cents.



Ciao, Melissa (DMW you knew I'd show up here -and btw it's perfectly fine to read the books)

******************



Do something totally irrational and let the enemy think himself to death. (Pyanfar Chanur)

[willowtaracrazydude]

Krazy Dreamer: i soooo get this!



The more I learn about people, the less faith I have in humanity. Do you ever feel like you’re surrounded by people and yet you’re all alone? I have social phobia (aka: social anxiety disorder), which means that when I’m faced with new people, people I don’t know very well, or a lot of people, I have a strong negative reaction, like an anxiety attack. In recent years I have learned to cope by masking my natural feelings of fear with a strong, confident outer persona. This works great in the sense that very few people are able to recognize that anything is wrong with me, but it costs me a lot.

Willow & Tara rocks my world!

[WhiteSkyFire]

So I got my diagnosis.....



Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Social Phobia with panic attacks

Panic Disorder

Some symptoms of PTSD

Some symptoms of Borderline PD



yay.. i'm just a bunch of crazy... Okay, sorry. I had no idea i'd end up with all that stuff. I knew I had some things to deal with and wow.. sure got a list of them to work on. On the plus side... there was no sign of major depression.



(ok.. so i read the letter he is giving to my GP.... up my meds, send me back to him it my GP wishes.. yadda yadda yadda...)



Sky

[Krazy Dreamer]

Hey Melissa, I can certainly relate to you as far as having “communication apprehension.” As far as being an overachiever, I completely understand that. Whether or not you have Social Anxiety Disorder or not, I think you’re right, it boils down to too much perfectionism in the communications department, and possibly in other departments as well. In my case, it was only after I realized that other people do not take quite the same care that I do either in choosing their words or in trying to explain things, that I was able to let go of some of that and relax a little when talking with others. As a child, however, I was the complete opposite of you. My mom couldn’t get me to shut up, and I was not afraid of strangers at all, at least up until age 6. Before that, I embarrassed my mom many times by running up to strangers on the street or in the supermarket and asking them all kinds of questions, including their names, ages, and if they had any kids. The incident I remember the most was this lady named Polly, because she had the same name as my dog, and I proceeded to tell her that. I remember my mom turned three shades of red when I said this and apologized to the lady. I was confused, because I thought it was a compliment. Anyway, I’ve never been a big fan of parties either unless it is a very small get together with people that I know really well, and my friends and family are already used to letting me sit in the aisle seat or at the end of the table, although in my case it’s less because of claustrophobia, and more because of my paranoia that I may need to make a quick escape if the situation becomes too stressful for me to handle. In a movie theater, I’m usually pretty relaxed even if it’s packed. I think this is because the lights are off, and nobody can see me, and the other movie-goers are focusing their attention on the movie anyway, not on me.



Hey willowtaracrazydude! I’d love to hear your story, if you would care to share.



And Sky, hang in there. I’m sorry to hear that your visit to your shrink revealed so many things that you need to deal with, but I would say you’re far from crazy. Have you thought about Cognitive Behavior Therapy? Incidentally, it’s not just for Social Anxiety Disorder. From what I’ve read it also works well for other types of anxiety and even depression, which luckily you don’t have to deal with. Anyway, I wish you well.

"Some men see things as they are and say,'why?' I dream things that never were and say, 'why not?'"

- Robert F. JFK

[WhiteSkyFire]

Krazy Dreamer



Yeah, the Psych wants me to get into Cognitive Behavior Therapy but I cant afford to do that. At least not right now. I'll have to settle with my meds and the social worker I have til I can get into that. Things should be fine. He upped my meds with the possibility of upping them again if there isn't much of a change. But I think things will change with where they are at now.



Sky

[Triscuit7]

Since I was "labelled" a communication apprehensive in that communication class, as an adjunct to the regular assigned work it was strongly suggested that I participate in free biweekly therapy run by the communications dept. In my case the therapy was systematic desensitivation. Basically a group of students sat around, eyes closed and clenched/relaxed muscles (in our arms and hands) based on the anxiety produced by certain scenarios (read aloud by an instructor). I'm not sure whether this helped very much, but I do remember absolutely having to have a nap after each session.



Ciao, Melissa

******************



Do something totally irrational and let the enemy think himself to death. (Pyanfar Chanur)

[eponinethen]

No-one has written anything here in a while so maybe no-one will read this.. But I just found this thread, and I have read some of it (not all) and I recognize most of it so well..

I go to a small school, and I have been in (pretty much) the same class för eleven years. But now I only have one year left, and I don't know what to do after that. I have a million things that I would like to do, but I can't do anything on my own.. And I don't really have any friends to do anything with. I mean I have friends in my class, that I can talk to and hang out with sometimes.. But I can't meet new people, when I do I get exhausted. And I get weird and I have always known that there is something wrong with me.. I have seeing a psychiatrist for the last four months or so, but she doesn't seem to understand me really...

I don't know what to say, to explain, I just.. it was nice to find this and read about you all..

[Krazy Dreamer]

Hi eponinethen. It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing your story. I remember my last year of high school was hard too, because I was worried, knowing that I’d have to deal with the cold, cruel world soon. I came from a small town, so I knew I couldn’t stay there forever. The only thing I can really tell you is to try not to stress over things too much. Easier said than done, I know, but a lot can happen in a year’s time. And by that, I mean good things. Keep that in mind. The best advice I can give you is to make your plans for whatever it is that you want to do as if you don’t have Social Phobia. If you have to cancel them later, at least you know you tried, and that should at the very least boost your self-esteem.



I completely understand about getting exhausted meeting new people. Just take it easy on yourself by spending very little time around people at first, and giving yourself plenty of time to be alone and rest afterwards. That’s how I have been able to overcome many of the obstacles of this disorder, and have been able to meet more people than I ever thought possible, by taking small baby steps, and only one step at a time. I just have to make sure to spend just a little time with people at first until I am able to get used to them, and afterwards make sure that I have plenty of time to rest. It takes patience, but it’s well worth it. About your psychiatrist, have you thought about finding a different one who understands you and your Social Phobia better? Actually, my opinion would be that you might consider seeing a psychologist as well, because (s)he would be able to go more in detail with helping you get to the root of the problem. I strongly recommend seeking someone who can help you using Cognitive Behavior Therapy. You might talk to your psychiatrist about this as well. But again, whatever you do, try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Just take it slow and easy, and I wish you luck.

"Some men see things as they are and say,'why?' I dream things that never were and say, 'why not?'"

- Robert F. JFK

[eponinethen]

Thank you, for reading my message and understanding me. (I'm not used to that.)

I have been trying a lot this summer, to meet people, but I think I'm moving to fast.. I had the courage to go to a small party yesterday.. I had met almost everyone there before, so I thought it was going to be okay. And it was, in the beginning, but later I started to feel really bad, as if I was getting sick or something..

(I think it would all be OK if I had some real friends, you know close ones, at least one or two.)

Now I sound like there is nothing good about my life, and I guess that's not the fact. (I just find it so much easier to sit by my computer all day instead of being with actual people in real life..)

[tybee317]

I was a shy teenager and could not speak in front of a class. I am not sure how it happened, but I grew out of it. Now, I have no problems with presentations or teaching to a group of fellow students. Occasionally, I stutter and will blush, especially if the girl is wearing something provocative, but other than that, I'm doing well. The moral of this story is that life experience sometimes helps you overcome obstacles. Good luck to everyone.

[Krazy Dreamer]

Hey eponinethen, you deserve a lot of credit for going to the party to begin with. I know how much strength it takes just to muster up enough courage to go to any kind of social event. I think one of the worst things about this disorder is that you never know when or where it’s going to strike. I have days where I almost feel like I have conquered my Social Phobia, only to face the next day feeling tired and anxious about facing anybody. I’m usually ok as long as I limit myself to 2 hours of intense social interaction at a time (3 on a good day) and then make sure I have plenty of time alone immediately following to refresh my batteries, sort out my thoughts, and rest. Sleeping and listening to music are the two best ways I’ve found to sort my thoughts, followed by writing. Exercise and singing help relieve a lot of my anxiety.



If you feel you’re moving too fast, then you probably are. I know how frustrating it can be, because there are so many things you want to do, but feel limited by your Social Phobia. Again, I can’t emphasize enough to take it slow and go really easy on yourself, because too much pressure only escalates the anxiety and makes it even harder to deal with situations. I’d say, though, that the fact that you are making so much effort is a very positive sign. Keep up the good work!



Also, you are right that having a few close friends makes a huge difference. Just one or two people that you are able to completely be yourself around goes a long way in helping to recover quickly from the energy that is drained from being around too many people. And I too have suffered from the feelings of sickness when I pushed myself too hard.



The best analogy I can think of at the moment to help those who don’t suffer from Social Phobia understand is that each time I am faced with an uncomfortable social situation, it’s like going to war. Some battles I win, and some I lose, but whether I win or lose, an enormous amount of my energy and resources is drained and must be replenished before I can even think about facing another battle. And it’s also important to understand that even the positive social interactions still drain me of energy. One on ones are a completely different story. If I am really close to someone and can completely be myself around them, I actually gain energy, courage, and motivation which helps me tackle the tougher situations. I admit that I have been very fortunate to have found several people who fit into this category including my girlfriend. So my advice is to work on the quality of your relationships, not the quantity.



I’m glad you feel like I understand you, and I hope my words help you, even if it is just a little bit. Again I hope things work out for you, and I wish you luck. I’d say, though, again, just the fact that you are making such huge efforts bodes very well. If you want or need to talk about anything, feel free to email me at krazy_dreamer1977@yahoo.com

"Some men see things as they are and say,'why?' I dream things that never were and say, 'why not?'"

- Robert F. JFK

[eponinethen]

It gives me some kind of hope to hear that people with this kind of problems have learned to live with them, or even get rid of some of them..

Do you still feel that it is a big problem or have you like accepted that you are this way and that you can still have a pretty good life..?

The thing that really bothers me is that I want to do so many things.. It's sounds a little cliche, but I wanna do so much I just can't because of myself.. That I have like no self-confidence and that I can't talk to people.. And all that.

I have some friends, I'm not totally alone or anything, but I don't have anyone close, that I can really count on or be completely comfortable with..

[Krazy Dreamer]

Hey eponinethen. I completely understand about wanting to do so much, but feeling like you are holding yourself back. The thing about me is that no, I have not accepted that I am this way, I did for many years, but it got me nowhere. I spend most of my time fighting my Social Phobia. I think that if I just accept it, it’ll be way too easy to just give in to it and use it as an excuse for not living, and I’ll miss out on so much. I wish I would have had this attitude when I was younger, because I feel like I wasted so many years, but the only thing I can do now is move forward. It does no good to dwell on the past. Also, for many years, I felt like I couldn’t really talk to people, because nearly everything I said was either misunderstood or used as a source of ridicule by others, so I just didn’t talk, and tried to avoid people at all costs. Small talk was the worst. I think mainly because I had no desire to make small talk, and I had no idea how to do it. Because of this, people thought I was rude or stand-offish. For most people small talk is one of the easiest things to do, for a person with Social Phobia like myself, I would have rather climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro. I did anything to avoid conversation with people I didn’t know or didn’t know very well. It complicated my life in so many ways. Then I discovered reality television. My first taste of this form of entertainment was with The Real World on MTV. I was completely fascinated with it, though I didn’t understand why at the beginning. Later it dawned on me that these types of shows gave me a glimpse into a whole other side to people that most people were already exposed to, but that due to my hiding and avoiding social situations, I was unfamiliar with. It gave me the chance to see how people interact with one another, and to realize that small talk wasn't so scary or even that big of a deal. It also taught me to lighten up and not take everything so seriously. Then came the two reality programs that changed everything for me. First Survivor and then Big Brother 2 in the summer of 2001. Forget Richard Hatch, the Evil Dr. Will, winner of Big Brother 2, is to this day, in my opinion, the most brilliant player I have ever seen on any reality program. Cunning and cocky, a manipulative mastermind, he probably wasn’t the best example for me to watch, and I have to admit that I couldn’t stand this man, and prayed every week for him to be voted out of the house, but I learned a lot about human nature from watching him. I tried to emulate his best qualities, like communication and charm, and leave the rest, like his lying, deception, and manipulation, but I still gained a lot. Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that there are other ways to gain self-confidence and learn how to talk to people without the stress of actually being around people.



I don’t know what to tell you about not really having anyone you feel close enough to that you can count on, except just to work on the friendships you have now on a one-on-one basis, and try to build on that. You may be surprised and find a really good friend who is trustworthy. Of course if you’re like me, trust does not come easily, but it is very important to be able to find a strong support system in your life in general, and even more so for someone suffering from Social Phobia. Just seeing that there are a few good people whom you can trust and rely upon during good times and bad goes a long way in helping to alleviate fears of people in general. Again I wish you the best of luck. If it helps, I think you’re on the right track, because you are willing, and have been making an effort to overcome your Social Anxiety. Again, if you want to talk to someone who understands, my door is open to you or anyone else who feels this way.

"Some men see things as they are and say,'why?' I dream things that never were and say, 'why not?'"

- Robert F. JFK

[demelzie]

before reading this thread i had no idea this condition existed!!



i decided to look more into it and now am thinking perhaps i have it...or something like it...



i remember about 4 years ago having to stand up and make a speech in front of the class (of about 14 pupils). i got up and although i had written down what i was going to say and had a book that i held in front of my face i completely froze. couldnt speak and couldnt move and i was just like ahhh!!! luckily my nice teacher saw this and spoke for me...all i had to do was try to nod and mumble 'yes' a few times before she just let me sit down again.



i was very very shy until 2 years ago. never went out anywhere and didnt talk to people much, never talked to anyone i didnt know. 2 years ago i moved school. i was forced to cover up my shyness and talk to new people...i constantly felt uncomfortable and was always blushing...



since then ive got a lot better. the year after that i was forced to talk a lot to people so covered up my feelings...inside i wasnt getting so scared tho, gradually building up my confidence. during the summer i think i got more comfortable with myself and so became a lot more laid back and less nervous. this past year ive got a lot better talking to people i think. especially in the last couple of months, ive been talking a lot to people on the internet and learning how to hold a general conversation so no masking feelings anymore



except - when it comes to debating with people. i love to debate things i do lots of debating online and really enjoy it, but challenging people who arent close friends (any form of challenging...even correcting my gf's mother when she thought a kiwi was as large as a lama haha) i still cant do. i want to challenge them but i get really nervous and blush and i swallow my words and get all muddled and it doesnt work :S i think im getting better though..before i never used to challenge people at all...ive challenged a few people now...although it hasnt exactly been easy or anything i think if i keep trying ill get better



just my own thoughts ^_^ it doesnt sound quite like social phobia but perhaps it is??

[eponinethen]

Krazy Dreamer.. I guess you're right, that you shouldn't accept this but try to fight it. I don't know why I am like this, but maybe I can get rid of it (I'd like to believe so). I am quite good at telling people that I am lousy at talking to people, that I don't have anything to say and that I'm no interesting.. That sometimes scare people away, I know that, but sometimes I feel like it's better if they know that I can't talk, so they don't think I don't wonna talk to them.. (Weird logic I guess..)

I don't watch reality shows at all.. I haven't seen the ones you mentioned since I live in Sweden, but I know the consept. I try not to watch too much tv since it makes me depressed.. (Instead I spend all my time on the internet.. heh).

I am really working on this right now. This summer I've really tried. And the last week I was with my class to Norway. We lived (all 21 of us) in the same room. We were together all the time. Although of course I felt like they didn't want me there somtimes, and like I was in the way and all that. It was exhausting but maybe good for me in some ways, I don't know..





demelzie - I'm glad you're getting better. For me it is a little bit comforting to hear that it is possible to get better. I'm not sure if I have social phobia either.. (But this is a great place to talk about the problem anyway.)

[Krazy Dreamer]

I think if anybody at work realized I have social anxiety, they’d be shocked. I’m the most outgoing person I can possibly be there. I say hi to everyone I see, and work hard to learn as many names as possible, and a little bit about each person. I force myself to engage others in conversation, even when I’d prefer to go and hide. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s in a structured setting which makes it so much easier for me, and I’m learning the fine art of small talk, which used to terrify me. In my case, it’s all about asking tons of questions, and avoiding answering as many as I can, personally. Or talking about nice, non-personal topics, such as the weather. Nerves is a small price to pay for what I have gained. I keep thinking somebody’s going to figure it out, especially when I start tripping over my tongue or get really clumsy, but they seem to look at me like it’s cute or something, so I play it off and say things like, “I need to cut down on the caffeine,” or “Now if I can just speak clearly,” or “I need more sleep.”

I’m starting to realize that so many negative experiences from my childhood caused me to withdraw from people, causing me to not have the chance to develop normal social skills like other children, which then compounded my negative experiences, because I would become overwhelmed and not know how to handle situations or people, which caused me to react in ways that caused others to react to me in even more negative ways. A vicious cycle I have finally broken. The anxiety is still there, of course, and I wonder if I’ll ever get rid of that, but the rewards are so great as to almost cancel it out. People keep telling me that I need to get on some anti-anxiety pills, but I absolutely refuse for several reasons. First of all, I prefer not to become dependant on any drugs. The main reason for this is because my father is an alcoholic, and I know that I am so prone to that which is why I don’t drink at all, because I don’t know my limits, and I absolutely refuse to let it take control of my life. (As it is, food is my drug of choice, but I can live with that… for now.) Secondly, I prefer to take as little medication as possible for health reasons, and thirdly, the anxiety helps to serve me as a reminder of how far I have come. In other words, it’s one of those uncomfortable things in life that helps me to keep growing.

[umgaynow]

I've had this my whole life...have always had pretty much one good friend at a time and that is it, because I really can't deal with new people...in fact my best friend now practically had to bully me into hanging out with her...I refer to it as having excellent "hermit genes"...I keep human interaction to a minimum when I can...I just don't have the energy to deal with people...it makes me too tense...I'd rather just hang with a dog and a book any day...of course it's different with you kittnes cuz you aren't in the same room with me...I can be as bold as I want...as anyone who has read my fic can attest...but I find that in real life if I absolutely cannot avoid being in a situation where I have to deal with new people, especially authority figures or people I am impressed by and therefore shy about...the best way to deal with it is to let out my inner dominatrix...toned down a little of course

[Krazy Dreamer]

umgaynow wrote:

if I absolutely cannot avoid being in a situation where I have to deal with new people, especially authority figures or people I am impressed by and therefore shy about...the best way to deal with it is to let out my inner dominatrix...toned down a little of course

Exactly! Of course, I don't think I have an inner dominatrix but I bring out my aggressive, sociable side, it's all about trickery, illusion, smoke, and mirrors. Tonight for example I am going to see a movie with a friend from work. (I asked her.) This is the first time in the year and a half that I have worked there that I have ever done anything with any of my coworkers outside of work, and I'm more than a little nervous, especially since I like her a lot, and want to make a good impression, obviously. She doesn't know about my social anxiety, and invited me to a party with some of my other co-workers later tonight. I told her, "Cool." And I'm going to do my best to go, because again - good impression and all, but I'm really nervous. Of course it will probably be good for me, to see how far I've come. And as anyone with social anxiety can tell you, a party is a nightmare scenario. I must be crazy. I just have this deep seated drive to challenge myself, and push the limits. I just hope I don't go overboard. The only good part is that I know most of the people already. I'm just afraid they are going to notice that I'm different in negative way in a social setting rather than a work setting.

I just have to shut my mind off. That's how I get through everything. I've been preparing myself this afternoon by listening to really upbeat, and adrenaline-pumped music to psyche myself up. Plus trying not to think about the evening's events so I won't go crazy. I should say crazier. In any case, wish me luck, and I'll let you know how things went.

[Krazy Dreamer]

Ok, so anyway, the movie went over really well. We had about a 30 minute drive to the movie theater, and had a really nice conversation, and I found out some really cool things about my friend. We have quite a bit in common, and also bonded on a few things, so that was nice. We went to eat afterwards, and of course talked some more. This was also very nice, because I love one on ones anyway.

The party was ok. I was a little anxious at first, but felt at ease very quickly. There were only eight people there anyway. It was really more a matter of being bored, rather than anxious. So all in all it was a pretty successful night.