The Crappy Feelings Thread (HOTLINES in first post)

[kivrin]

in 2 words.... : everything sucks!

a friend of "mine" has screewd up my anniversary gift for my girlfriend. it was a trip. she lives circa 700km away. my Gf has found out and now I can't go, and the two situations are because of that friend. ooooh don't forget about my my girlfriend's mother (who kinda hates me)!! my friend has annoyed her too.
now that I had just go a little acceptance from that woman (this summer she started to look at me as if I were human). so.. YAY!!! special thanks to my "friend" who has completely fucked my anniversary with my sweetie.
.......

[Saena]

I don't know, I'm just...moody today. Maybe it's the grey raininess, maybe it's that there's about 2.5 weeks until I go back to college, and I've already been on vacation for 3.5 months, so it seems like it's dragging on for a millenium. All I know is that I woke up this morning thinking about high school, and it triggered the following thought (which I have expressed on all my online journals as well, handily enough):

Do you ever feel like you don't want to go back to where you were, but you don't want to move forward, but you don't want to stay where you are?

That's how I feel today.

*sigh* I'm going out with my sister and a close friend tonight, and the three of us always have a lot of fun together, so I'm looking forward to that. I can only hope that the bad mood passes in time.

Saena

[kisstheviolets]

i went to the dentist today, figuring i'd get a check up and be ordered back for a cleaning and a filling or two before i leave. instead i was subjected to a root canal!! i'm supposed to go dancing tonight. i wasn't prepared for a root canal! ugh. i'm going to go lay down until my face stops feeling like a sandbag.

ETA: i went dancing, and one of the people i was meeting there (who i know from another softball team) shows up with my vermont girl in tow (the one i dated a couple of months ago whose dad had the cancer scare). we only recently learned that we both knew this girl. i was so shocked to see her, i couldn't believe softball chick didn't give me a heads up (knowing that i was still smitten and saddened by the bad timing we had). so me and vermont are chatting and flirting and then someone mentions that i'm leaving in september for six months. so then she was kind of distant for the rest of the night. and i'm still smitten. damn you timing!!! damn you to hell!!

[NewRuthRising]

My operation got cancelled. I'm not on holiday. My back hurts. People keep telling not to worry. Or telling me horror stories. I need witnesses for my will. I'm a tad brassed off.

[Boschi]

On a positive note Ruth, you used the phrase "a tad brassed off". Please forgive the note of vague optimism.

Right. My point. I'm tired. Very tired.
Had a goddamned anxiety attack last night at a really bad time, spoiled a lovely day, and as a result things are awkward with a friend.

I too am a bit brassed off - with myself.

Blarg.

[SySnootles]

How can you love and miss someone so much you never even knew?

[StaceAngel]

So cooold... so sick.... *snuggles her covers* .... I'm all achey and shivery and i kinda have a sore throat :( and its the weekend ....



Stace the sickly xXx

[kisstheviolets]

i'm home sick with a cold and out of kleenex, ginger ale and soup. my roommate isn't due home from work until late tonight. this is when i hate being single.

[Emms]

Awww everyone seems to be sick today

xoxo
Emms

[MagicPancakes]

..urgh, body image issues, and i'm sick of them

[umgaynow]

Big aaarrrggghhhhh right now...my mom woke up this morning and couldn't stand up without falling over so my dad called 911 and the ambulance came and took her to the hospital...they came back home around dinner time...hospital said it was just vertigo...but then I noticed she was confused (she said she hadn't fallen since she got home and she'd had 3 major falls) and she said she was seeing double, her speech was slurred and she was so dizzy she couldn't keep her eyes open...plus she kept forgetting that she couldn't stand on her own...and even though my dad and I were yelling at her to wait and we would help her up she kept standing on her own anyway and fell 4 times...flat on her ass...luckily once was on the chair, but the first time was onto a cast iron magazine rack, second onto the back of the toilet tank and the third time she fell on the drum table and smashed the lamp and lampshade to smithereens...it is a miracle she was not seriously hurt...in view of all this and the fact that my dad is near stone deaf and I hear nothing once I am asleep (I didn't even know the ambulance had been to the house this morning until my dad woke me and told me they were going) I figured that on top of all the other scary factors she was way too much of a danger to herself to be home...if she tried to get up during the night by herself...which she usually does a couple times a night...and she fell and hit her head on the dresser or the sink or something and neither of us heard it, she could be dead by morning...believe it or not it took me an hour of being Nurse Ratched to convince my dad to call the hospital and tell them what was going on...especially the worsening symptoms...and he was still like "I'll try to talk her into coming back"...she didn't want to go and he has no spine so I said "Look, you take her or I call the ambulance...do you want to find her dead in the morning?" So...they left about 3 hours ago or so and I haven't heard anything...called my brother and sister against mum's wishes...but I figured they had a right to know in case it turned out serious (the doctors had said a couple months back that she needed a new pacemaker and she didn't want to do it)...so now it's just the waiting...this has got to be the most stressful sort of waiting there is...I am so not getting a wink of sleep tonight...but I am glad I made them go back to the hospital...even though I had to act like a class A bitch to get them to do it...I did the right thing didn't I? AAAAAARRRRGGGHGHHHH :gnome

Sandi/umgaynow

[russ]

Sandi, you definitely did the right thing. Your parents are very lucky you were at home. Your mom was showing several signs of stroke, and, whatever the cause may turn out to be, it's essential to take quick action. Sometimes you have to be a bit "forceful" to get people to admit something serious is going on. Well done; we'll be praying for you and your family.
Russ

[dynigirl]

Sandi you definatly did the right thing. I hope that you hear soon and that our Mum has a speedy recovery.

[umgaynow]

Thank you everybody for your good wishes...still in the tests and waiting stage right now...ruling things out...and still no idea what the hell happened...problem is with her having a pacemaker they can't do all the tests they'd like to so it makes things harder...all I can say is I hope the pinhead doctor who sent her home the first time got in trouble...so, still stress and not sleeping for me...I'm sure I'll be leavng plenty of stuff on the board for the next couple of days...thank you all again for the good vibes

Sandi

[Emms]

I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack, and I haven't felt this way in a long time.

[umgaynow]

I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack, and I haven't felt this way in a long time.

I find that a dark room, soothing music and deep breathing sometimes helps me...meditation too if you can get that calm {{{kittenEmmshugz}}}

Sandi

[mole]

I sometimes think that if I could just fall out of love with her, everything would be fine. It wouldn't hurt that she's seeing someone new (even if that someone lives in another state). I could be the supportive best friend she needs me to be.

This just isn't what I thought our life together would look like. We were good friends, started dating, fell in love, life was good. But it seems she can't allow herself to be happy for extended periods of time. So it began...she wanted to see other people. I was willing to try if it meant we could still keep our relationship intact. Despite being her idea, the open relationship didn't work for her either, so we broke up.

Thing is, she's still my best friend and I'm still hers. She tells me she loves me still and there will never be anyone like me. To which I say, why the hell aren't we still together! Grrr....grumble...grumble...

Okay, just had to get that off my chest. I think I can make it through the day now.

Being lonely just sucks.

Michelle

[SySnootles]

Wow... that's freaky. It's almost Iike that post was written by me.

I know exactly how you feel, Michelle. It's indescribable (though you did a pretty good job), and makes it hard to get through the day sometimes. Please contact me if you'd like to talk to someone who is going throught nearly the same thing as you.

[Floyd]

Nobody cares about my snails.

[Willowlover]

Okay, here's my deal. Im in love with a girl who im pretty sure doesnt want to be with me and even if she did i cant see how we could be together. I found another girl who was perfect for me. Her name is Nikki. Unfortanatly oour relationship didnt feel right because i wanted to be with someone else. So even though i know i had strong feelings for this girl i broke up with her today and i feel bad because I broke up with her, and shes been crying all day since then, for a girl i cant be with. So now im the bad guy.

[Saena]

Is it wrong that I've only been back at college for a week and I already just want to be left alone? To go into a bit more detail (because you know me and you know I have to), last year I lived in the all girls' dorm at my college. It was a bit further away from the other dorms, although my college is small, so "a bit further away" translates roughly to "a three minute walk". But even that little distance meant that most of the time, people didn't spontaneously drop by. This suited me just fine; I had three roommates who I adored, and I didn't mind that my other friends never came around unless we made plans well in advance.

Well, this year I've moved into a dorm in the main circle of dorms, and my introverted side is clashing with this new arrangement a bit. Suddenly, there's all these people around, and they all want to hang out as a group. I feel like I can't get any free time. Plus, we've adopted two freshmen into our group this past week (one of whom my sister may be dating), and while they're cool people, I've seen them so much recently that I'm already in the mood to take a break. We did have some great times today, but after the callbacks for the play ended at around 8:45, I was feeling insecure about my audition and just wanted to spend some time alone with my roommate, relaxing before bed. But my friends were persistent about watching things, and the show that I did want to watch wasn't on, and while I enjoyed myself with our anime-viewing get-together, at the same time I resented the fact that it was occurring. Or the introvert in me did.

Does this make any sense? I guess I'm just having trouble adjusting. Additionally, the presence of two new people in the group is disrupting the way that we've grown to operate over the course of the past year (as any new addition would). And a friend from last year is getting upset because apparently we're not hanging out with him enough. I feel like I can't strike a balance, with myself or the people around me. Hence the "want to be left alone".

I'm sorry, there's a lot of more serious problems on here. I just feel like I don't have anywhere to turn with this; it would be very uncomfortable to speak about it in person with any of my friends here, and I'm afraid I'd unintentionally hurt feelings. I feel like I already have. So sorry about that.

Saena

[NewRuthRising]

I have toothache. 'Nuff said.

[MagicPancakes]

I used to love my job but now my coworker's laziness makes me hate it. I hate getting out of bed in the morning because it means I have to spend the day doing the work of four people because we are already understaffed by two bodies. And he gets paid three times what I am paid.

[Saena]

I still feel alone. And not in a good "people aren't bothering me and are letting me do stuff by myself" way.

Just...alone.

Saena

[dynigirl]

*hugs* Seana

[Bound2Her]

My girlfriend always know's how to push me over the edge to the point to where I just wanna cry...."sigh"

[Saena]

*hugs* Seana

Thank you sweetie! *hugs back*

Saena

[kristyn]

This is my first year at college and I was already kind of nervous about it. New group of people, new environment. I have been worried about making friends that will be there for me when I need them.

Well, besides that normal anxiety bullshit, I just got diagnosed with mono on friday. So now I'm almost forced to just stay in my room all the time. This isn't helping with my whole "wanting to make friends" thing. By the time I come out of my persistent fatigue, everyone will have formed their own group of friends and I'm just going to be left out in the cold.

I can't even just sleep. I wake up every hour out of pain of swallowing my own spit.

I hate this.

-kristyn

[tarawhipped]

Got home an hour and a half ago, and my downstairs neighbor greeted me by asking if my condo "got hit too." Turns out it did...three out of six units in my building got broken into. Whoever did it only took about $10 in change from our change jar and left everything else of value, so it was probably a crackhead. Right now I don't really care who did it and I wouldn't care if they had cleaned us out. I just feel like my space has been violated, and wonder how I'm going to sleep tonight. This sucks.

-Cameron

[Saena]

I'm feeling kind of down. Again. (It's starting to be an endless refrain, isn't it, as I post on the crappy feelings thread every few days.) Although today it could probably be (mostly) (correctly) attributed to the fact that I had a horrendously busy day, which fries the nerves and makes one jumpy and sensitive. I fluctuated all day between carefree happy and unpleasantly moody. The day started on a bad note- alarm went off at 8:30 and I got up at 8:42, which isn't that bad at all but did make me have to rush a little- and ended on a bad note as well, with me snapping at two of my friends and probably leaving them very confused as to what the heck was wrong with me.

And now I am going to go to bed before I collapse.

Saena