The Crappy Feelings Thread (HOTLINES in first post)

[Laragh]

Downer :(

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I am COMPLETELY screwed. I literally teared up over the fact that my crush wrote "Happy birthday Jas" on my facebook wall. It is SO not okay to be this into her! I feel crappy cause I think I am seriously falling for a girl who probably doesn't think twice about me, who lives several states away, who's not even 18 yet, and who is "questioning" but seems to only like guys. I have been down the unrequited love road twice, and that's at least 2 times too many; I so don't need this just as I'm starting to sort myself out. Hell, I don't need this *ever*.

[vazy]

I am fairly sure that the amount of work school is giving me is going to cause another breakdown and numerous panic attacks. Through in the needy, depressed friend who bugs me 24/7, I am pretty much screwed for this year.

[SickSadGirl]

I'm completely screwing up in school. I thought I *finally* had it figured out, but I was kidding myself. Now I'm telling my family and strangers more about it than the one person who supports any decision I make. I don't want to disappoint her, but she deserves to know. I suck.

[JustSkipIt]

My throat hurts. It has hurt all day. I just took some cough medicine and will again before bed but I don't want to be sick.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My neck and back hurt. Really really hurt. It's been getting progressively worse over the last couple days and I cannot get comfortable. I should probably take pain killers but I try not to, and I'm not even sure I have any except the couple ibuprofen I keep in my purse for emergencies. I'm not sure what the worst part is, the pain making me not want to run important errands, or the pain keeping me from enjoying being lazy in bed. It just all around sucks.

[Laragh]

My cousin has a brain tumour and only a few months to live :( He has 3 kids under 6. It's just all very, very sad.

[Belli Bear]

My cousin has a brain tumour and only a few months to live :( He has 3 kids under 6. It's just all very, very sad.

I'm so sorry Laragh that is just heartbreaking.

*sending good energies*

-Belli

[Babbles4Twillow]

This is the 3rd Thanksgiving I've had without my Mom, and it just seems to be getting harder. =/

Laragh, I'm so sorry. *huggles*

[Laragh]

Thanks Belli and Babbles, I appreciate it

[Ariel]

Hey, Allie -

Really hearing it about your Mom; love mine so much!

Sending a *hug*

Laragh,

That is a heart-breaker. Such sadness that his kids may not remember how much he loved them. If there's any way to help him write it or something or take a video. Some way to leave his love for them. You know best on that, but *hugs* for your own grief, too.

Ariel
P.S. There is so much hurt here, so much fear and suffering. I'm doing my best to send some love to him and his family and you, too. Take care.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I really really screwed up and now there's a very good chance I could fail one of my classes. I figured out pretty last minute that the site where I'm doing most of my observations won't work for 5 hours of it and I need to observe somewhere else, so I found another site to observe at but it took a long time to get approved to observe there. I finally got approved at the end of last week, but didn't have a chance to schedule my hours and the only time I had left was this afternoon and Thursday afternoon from 2 to 5. I should have called as soon as I got off work today, but I was really cold waiting at the busstop so I decided to wait until I was on the bus, but I hate making calls on the bus so I put it off yet again, and didn't call until I got off the bus at 2, and I was told the director was out of the office so I left a message and was told she'd call me back. So I waited until about 2:45, then decided I needed hours enough that the wrong hours would be better than no hours at all so I went to the other center and observed for the 2 hours I had left. The real kicker is that if I'd never told my teacher about the situation I could just use those hours and pretend they were the right hours; but I told her what was up so she knows that I'm not getting my school-age hours at the center I've been at, so she's going to know that (even if I can observe 3 hours Thursday) I didn't get the full 5 hours of school-age observation. Will the fact that I'll have over 17 hours in total when I only need 16 actually matter? I just don't know. I'm almost certainly going to have an A in the clas, but if I don't get the observations done I automatically fail. And other than calling the center again tomorrow about observing Thursday, there's jack shit I can do at this point cause I'm completely out of time. Ugggggh. I'm such a dumbass sometimes... I've never failed a college class and I really really don't want to, especially a class that's so easy

[sweet satin lover]

I really really screwed up and now there's a very good chance I could fail one of my classes. I figured out pretty last minute that the site where I'm doing most of my observations won't work for 5 hours of it and I need to observe somewhere else, so I found another site to observe at but it took a long time to get approved to observe there. I finally got approved at the end of last week, but didn't have a chance to schedule my hours and the only time I had left was this afternoon and Thursday afternoon from 2 to 5. I should have called as soon as I got off work today, but I was really cold waiting at the busstop so I decided to wait until I was on the bus, but I hate making calls on the bus so I put it off yet again, and didn't call until I got off the bus at 2, and I was told the director was out of the office so I left a message and was told she'd call me back. So I waited until about 2:45, then decided I needed hours enough that the wrong hours would be better than no hours at all so I went to the other center and observed for the 2 hours I had left. The real kicker is that if I'd never told my teacher about the situation I could just use those hours and pretend they were the right hours; but I told her what was up so she knows that I'm not getting my school-age hours at the center I've been at, so she's going to know that (even if I can observe 3 hours Thursday) I didn't get the full 5 hours of school-age observation. Will the fact that I'll have over 17 hours in total when I only need 16 actually matter? I just don't know. I'm almost certainly going to have an A in the clas, but if I don't get the observations done I automatically fail. And other than calling the center again tomorrow about observing Thursday, there's jack shit I can do at this point cause I'm completely out of time. Ugggggh. I'm such a dumbass sometimes... I've never failed a college class and I really really don't want to, especially a class that's so easy

aww Jas I am so sorry I really hope you dont fail the class :( I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts, send me a message/e-mail whenever you want and I will get back to you ok? xxx Hang on in there tex pea.

[JujuDeRoussie]

So in January there is the lest Xena Convention, well that's what they say. Besides the fact that there are so many actors including Lucy and Renée, and therefor is expensive (or is it always in the US?) it is also in the US. Looking for one in the UK always sends me back to that one.

[Finey_McFine]

I'm feeling overwhelmed lately. I'm sick, exhausted and there's just too many damn things going on. It's 1am and I'm still up working. I have zero time to do things that I'd really like to do, like oh you know...maybe update my fic or leave feedback on the zillion other fics I read. *Sighs* Back to work.

[Ariel]

Hey, Shelby!

Feel the KB love - we know you'll come through! Hang in there.

Glad your Christmas Tree is so beautiful and all the best on your daughter's concert - hope it wasn't too hard on the ears!

Me, I am trying to clean up the house and trust me, it isn't easy!!!

I HATE HOUSEWORK!!!

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother

[BeMyDeputy]

Nana thinks this will be her last Christmas.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Yesterday I threw a birthday party for my best friend, which mostly went very well, but there was one thing that just... hurt. I invited two girls I was in choir with for a couple years in high school, one of whom I used to be very close to and am still marginally friends with and the other who I get along well with, and both of whom used to be pretty good friends with my best friend. Anyway, when we were all in choir together I never quite "fit" with most of our choir, in large part because I didn't know as much about music as everyone else or have the experience they did, but we all got along and were friendly with each other, and these two girls and I had all been altos so we'd worked on parts together quite a bit. After high school, there started to be choir reunion parties during school breaks. I made it to the first one, then had to cancel last minute on the second, and I've never been invited to one since. So here I was, at a party I was hosting, and my two ex-choirmates started discussing choir get togethers. Right in front of me, like it was nothing. Like I was never even in Choir with them. Like we hadn't spent hours practicing together, like they hadn't both of them helped me learn to read music, like we hadn't all had parts together in Madrigal Dinner for years, like I'd never been any part of their group. I'm just not even on their radar. I don't count for anything. Choir was probably the best part of my high school years, and apparently no one else gave a fuck that I was ever part of it...

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I expected my crush to get her Christmas card yesterday or today, but I never heard from her, so now I don't know if it just hasn't arrived yet, or if it meant so little that she didn't bother to say anything... I know I'm not always good at thanking people for cards, but I would have hoped with all the time I put into making it (about 8 or 9 hours, 6 of them virtually non-stop in the middle of the night so I could get it mailed in time) she would at least say thanks. I know it probably just hasn't arrived, but I really wanted her to get it enough before Christmas to have a little time to enjoy it. And of course there's this part of me worrying that she hated it...

[Babbles4Twillow]

Today is my mom's birthday. I miss her so much. To try and rid myself of this depressed feeling (because I know she wouldn't approve) I'm going to go read one of Laragh's fics.

[Ariel]

Hey, Allie!

Great idea! Laragh is a joy bringer - no doubt!

I hate that we took our car in to be fixed, got it back, told it was fun and it stalls out on the road and scares Kate to death! Come on, guys! We told you it was messed up!

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother

[JustSkipIt]

My head hurts so bad that I called in sick to work. It also hurts so bad that I keep having the following series of thoughts:

Maybe it's not a headache; maybe I'm having a stroke.

I wonder if it's common for people with a headache this bad wonder if it's a stroke.

I wonder if people having a stroke think they are having a headache this bad.

I wonder if Maggie (a friend of ours who is a hypochondriac) always wonders if she is having a stroke when she has a headache.

[little.hesperides]

My grandpa is back in the hospital (he was in there after Christmas too). But this time my grandmother has told the doctors just to make him comfortable. Guess it's just a matter of time now. It's been a decade since I lost a family member. I forgot how much it hurts.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I was indecisive about the changes to make to my trip cause of the money, then when I finally decided what I wanted I called to make the alterations and the price had more than doubled, so now I have to take a bus from California to Texas instead of flying. Which means spending over 38 hours in transit, and not getting any weekend time to spend with my crush, as I will have to leave extremely early Saturday morning instead of Sunday afternoon as I would if I were flying. Add to that the fact that I'm half sick again (after less than a week feeling well), I have a headache and backache, and that even with my roommate's gf probably moving in and chipping in on rent will still not make my expenses low enough to keep my job without hemorrhaging money, and I am a very grumpy Jas, even with watching Doctor Who.

[Foomatic]

Really feeling all my shortcomings and insecurities today. Meh.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

For the first time in my life, today I had a moment where I thought, "I hate my job." There are things I love about it, and at least one thing-- one sweet, smart, adorable, not-quite-two-year-old, speaks-French-and-makes-Doctor-Who-references-cause-of-me, smiles-when-she-first-sees-me-every-day thing-- I will miss, but for the first time today I fully admitted that it doesn't balance out. I hate the inconsistency and lack of communication of my job, never knowing my place, and never knowing if I'm coming or going. It's time to go. A part of me still doesn't want to, because I really do love the girl I take care of; I swell with pride every time she bursts out with a new French word (today she surprised me with chemise) or says "Exterminate!" just like a Dalek, and even though I suppose I'm brainwashing her with all the Doctor Who stuff I really think I'm doing a lot of good with her too. I help her build social skills by having the boy next door come to play, and who knows if the next nanny will; I've taught her enough French that she understands almost as much as I do and can talk in simple sentences now; I teach her that we clean up our own messes, something her parents rarely enforce; I've taught her to pick up litter, which she now loves to do... Maybe it's silly, but it makes me so sad that she'll never remember the French I've taught her. I know it's not a very useful language in Texas, but knowing multiple languages is good for brain development and I think being raised with foreign languages is good for appreciating other cultures. She's learned so much in the last 9 months, and now that her mum's given up on teaching her sign language the benefits are even greater. I'm sad that everything I've taught her will be forgotten; maybe if she's lucky she'll remember a favourite word or two like pamplemouse, but even that's doubtful. I feel like I'm failing her. The next nanny will probably be better than me in a lot ways, and have a car to take her places I can't, but chances are she won't teach her the things I do. I'm sad that I won't be in her life soon... But it's time to go. It's long passed time, actually. I need to be done with this job, even though it means saying goodbye to the child who has been the most involved person in my life. I just can't do this anymore. I need to be done dealing professionally with people's personal issues.

[JustSkipIt]

I woke up with a sore throat. Chiara and Asher have both been sick for a few days so it was a matter of time. Nonetheless, I am drinking tea and will have some emergen-c and IT WILL GO AWAY!

[EasierSaid]

My son and I are both sick. It's one thing to feel awful, but to have to care for him while he feels awful too... Heartbreaking and exhausting.

[BeMyDeputy]

My sister was switched from drug A to drug B because drug B was cheaper.

Last week, after a blood test, they frantically called her and her boyfriend, because she has a very rare, very severe side effect to drug B: aplastic anemia. That is to say, her bone marrow has stopped turning into the blood cells it's supposed to. It's such a rare side effect that my boss, who has been prescribing drug B for decades, has never actually known of someone who had it.

Thankfully, she's on excellent insurance and can switch back to drug A. Also thankfully, there is an excellent chance that, once off drug B, her bone marrow will bounce back and there will be no lasting side effects.

However, if she doesn't, the only thing they can do is give her a bone marrow transplant.

I haven't told her that last part.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My best friend's having a lot of trouble with her bipolar disorder again :( She admits that she's in denial, but she won't go see a psychiatrist to talk about adjusting her meds, even though she's been having horrible mood swings the last 3 weeks and worse depression than she's ever experienced in her life. It's so hard to hear her sounded so discouraged about her life; she even had a professor suggest, in an attempt to be helpful and kind, that she rethink her decision to become a nurse since the stress is getting to her, which is so not what she needs to here right now, because her clinicals are the one time she *doesn't* feel horribly stressed and overwhelmed. She's always been like that, good as long as she's busy, especially with work she loves; I know it and, most of the time, she knows it, but having a teacher she admires suggest it might be too much is understandably adding to her overall anxiety. I hate knowing she's going through all this and being so far away that I can't give her a hug or check up on her or hang out whenever she needs. She's made a couple friends where she lives now, but no one she's really close to, and it took her so long to even talk to me about what's going on that I can't imagine she'll turn to them. I hate to think of her being alone...