The Crappy Feelings Thread (HOTLINES in first post)

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I really don't think I'm going to get to stay in the choir at my Uni. They have this stupid system where auditions are in two stages; I passed the first stage, but the second stage is going to the first two classes. I passed the first stage, but stage two involves sight-reading which I pretty much can't do, so I can't see how I'll possibly get to stay. I know the disappointment is going to be awful, and I know I'll feel extremely self-conscious in class, and honestly I wish if I wouldn't get to stay that I just wouldn't have even made the first cut :(

[Emms]

Moved to Dallas a few months ago and have been feeling really alone lately...longing for some kind of meaningful connection.

[drlloyd11]

Moved to Dallas a few months ago and have been feeling really alone lately...longing for some kind of meaningful connection.

Welcome back! We specialize in that!

[woahnellie]

I love my girl. I really do. But she has some major money management issues. I feel like I pay for everything. Yes she is in school and working part time but shes only 30 and has already filed for bankruptcy and then when its time for her school loans she'll be in a creek full of shit without a paddle. I love her with all of my heart and will keep her forever by my side. I know love isn't about money. love is love. but I get so frustrated!!

[JustSkipIt]

I am in a piss poor mood and have been all day. At first I tried to get out of it but then I just sort of didn't. Chiara wrote a note for everyone in the family that says "no being grumpy" and I put mine in my pocket but I just am still grumpy. It seems like everything I do someone has a complaint about it. I didn't fast forward the DVD player right/fast enough (it doesn't respond that well and the discs are sort of fucked up). I shouldn't have turned in the voter cards without entering them for Battleground texas. I said on 911 that we saw the accident when what I meant was we saw the aftermath of an accident and Rachel says if we saw it we were legally required to stop but we didn't.

And my foot fucking hurts. 8 weeks ago I decided that I fucking had to see a doctor about it. I spent 3 weeks trying t coordinate/schedule with one office only to be told that my out of pocket would be $150 per visit for the first 5 visits and $225 every visit after that. So i called my doctor. 3 more weeks to get in to see her. She said I would get a referral to a specialist. No referral. Last friday I called her office. It was closed. I called the specialist - no referral. Monday I called my doctor 3x. The phone was fucked up and I couldn't get through. So I sent a note through this new medical record thing. I got a note late yesterday afternoon that I had a new message. No message. I sent another saying I had no message. Got back a message that the referral was done. I called the specialist. No referral. I call back my doctor (luckily could get through). They say they did the referral back on the 15th (but didn't tell me). Call the specialist they say that the fax machine jammed one day but they did schedule me (going this Thusday).

So I went to the grocery store and I get home and ask Rachel since my foot really hurts, would she be willing to empty the dishwasher. She says by when? I say by the time I need to start cooking dinner. She says ok and goes to organize her jewelry to put in her new organizer. While I'm reading she brings me a big fucking tangle of necklaces to untangle which I do. I tell her that I need to start cooking soon. Then I go start cooking. She walks by and says "oh... yeah..." Then goes back to what she is doing. I cook dinner, get the kids and me snacks, and start on the dishwasher. I shit you not - she comes in and admonishes me for emptying the dishwasher. I told her that it's one thing to not do something when I specifically asked her because my foot hurts but another to then admonish me for doing what she said she would do and did not fucking do.

See... my day.

Tomorrow will be better...

And my foot fucking hurts. 8 weeks ago I decided that I fucking had to see a doctor about it. I spent 3 weeks trying t coordinate/schedule with one office only to be told that my out of pocket would be $150 per visit for the first 5 visits and $225 every visit after that. So i called my doctor. 3 more weeks to get in to see her. She said I would get a referral to a specialist. No referral. Last friday I called her office. It was closed. I called the specialist - no referral. Monday I called my doctor 3x. The phone was fucked up and I couldn't get through. So I sent a note through this new medical record thing. I got a note late yesterday afternoon that I had a new message. No message. I sent another saying I had no message. Got back a message that the referral was done. I called the specialist. No referral.

[Finey_McFine]

Deb- Sorry to hear about the crappyness and those little notes from the kids don't make things any better. I've gotten a few over the years and they always make me feel crappier.


I've got some crappy feelings too, more along the lines of I feel like I haven't had a moment to myself all summer, I've pretty much been working non stop for the last 3-4 weeks and I'm fucking exhausted. I really just want to sit and watch tv or just stare at the wall and not have to talk to anyone for like, a week...but it's not gonna happen. It's been one thing after another and now my nephew is living with us. So, on top of everything else, we officially have another child...another teenager. Not just any teenager, but a 6'2 225lb 15 year old boy on the spectrum with anger issues.

It's a long and complicated story, but it's also not our first go round with him. My Mom had custody and they lived with us for 9 years until the two of them moved in with my brother. My Mom was his entire world and he's been kinda floating between myself and two of my other two siblings since she passed over a year ago. His mother is my youngest sister who, lets just say is on a mandatory 5 year "vacation."

Anyway, now I (we) have even more responsibility...as if we didn't have enough already. Honestly, I didn't really want to take him on again and I feel guilty about those feelings. I love him like a son, but he can be so difficult to handle sometimes and I'm really worried about all this crap with my family coming between my wife and I. Ugh, why couldn't I have been the irresponsible, self absorbed middle child???

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I stupidly got my hopes up about a potential Choir trip, even though I knew I might not be able to go, and now the Director has announced that everyone has to audition for it, and since we'll be doing it in quartets I know I'm going to do horribly; I won't get to go on the trip, and what's more I'll have to audition in front of the class and showcase how awful I am.
On the surface, these are minor things, but it started me on a spiral of feeling awful about myself. I started focusing on all the things I'm doing wrong, my complete failure to make friends or even interact with other people; I came back to my room and laid in bed for a long time, crying off and on, and thinking about the fact I don't even have anyone to call and talk to, because my best friend is out of touch for the next three months.
I finally stopped crying, and decided I needed a comfort book to read (cause it was the closest I could come to visiting with a friend); my books are on a built in shelf above the desk, so I went and looked trying to decide what to read, and noticed a letter from her girlfriend that my roommate has posted on the wall over her side of the desk. Being the too-nosy person that I am, I glanced at it and noticed my name, so I read the first couple lines, through "having a rough time with Jas." Well considering I thought my roommate and I were actually getting along okay, and that it was the one thing I wasn't *completely* screwing up, this didn't exactly make me feel better. Back I went to crying in bed for awhile, until my roommate came in and I quickly grabbed my book and started reading so she wouldn't see how pathetic I am.

Today sucks and I suck and just now I feel like my life sucks.

[Finey_McFine]

My wife's grandmother passed away last night, she was 99 and a very cool lady; still driving well into her 90's and skydiving in her 70's. She lived in Pennsylvania and I only met her a handful of times over the years, but she was always kind and accepting. She never missed a birthday or Christmas and although she'd been in an assisted living facility the last couple years, she was in good health and thriving. Last night she went to bed and died peacefully in her sleep. Ironically, a few days ago, we'd just discussed taking a trip up to PA next year for her 100th birthday. A very weird coincidence indeed; since my wife never really talks much about her family at all.

I'm sad for the loss of Nanny, but mostly sad for my wife. She's not close with her family like I am with mine and Nanny was the tie that bound them. Now I fear what little contact she has with them is lost forever. Getting older is rough, especially when your parents and grandparents age as well and I can't help but think...it's the beginning of the end.

[JustSkipIt]

Shel - I'm so sorry for your loss (both yours and Chris's). Although I think it would be pretty amazing to go to bed at 99 feeling ok and die peacefully in your sleep.

[Finey_McFine]

Thanks Deb, I couldn't agree more.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I fear I'm getting sick. I've been sleeping at least 7 hours a night (with the exception of a day I slept badly) and napping a lot of days and still feeling very tired most of time for a couple weeks, and now tonight my throat really hurts. I have a voice recital Monday that I need to practice for, and songs I need to be learning for choir, and I need to rehearse for the play I'm in, but I can't work on any of it with a sore throat :( I'm trying to rest my voice which hopefully will help, but it means I didn't get to rehearse tonight like I planned and I might not be able to tomorrow either. And I sooo don't have time to get sick for real...

[Pavlov'sBell]

Ugh. I absolutely hate having my allergies act up. At least I got to stay home from school today because of them. More time to work on fics

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I had thought my throat was doing better after a few days of being bleh, but then I still had issues trying to sing. Thankfully my performance tonight was cancelled so I don't have to sing when I can't reach my two highest notes, but I still need to be able to practice and it stinks that my throat isn't better yet. I'm sick of cough drops!

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My professor decided last minute to move our test from tonight to Thursday, when I was planning to not be in class due to a choir performance (which would cost me an entire letter grade in that class to miss). Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

[Finey_McFine]

Sinus infection morphed to raging ear infection that spread to glands = one sick, crappy feeling girl that has to get up for work at 5am. Ugh.

[JustSkipIt]

Shel - have you tried a neti pot? It makes a big difference in fighting sinus infections. I recommend using 1/2 salt and 1/2 baking soda in your mix.

[Willow_Friendly]

I don't know what I'm feeling right now my uncle just killed himself today, and I had to hold him up while my mom cut the cord. And I don't know if I should be angry or sad about it. I'm just feel really numb to it right now.

[JustSkipIt]

Willow_Friendly - Wow. I literally can't find words to express my sorrow for you. I am so sorry and pray for you and your family.

[Pavlov'sBell]

Oh my Goddess, Willow_Friendly, I'm so sorry for your loss :( My thoughts are with you

[foxycas]

I don't know what I'm feeling right now my uncle just killed himself today, and I had to hold him up while my mom cut the cord. And I don't know if I should be angry or sad about it. I'm just feel really numb to it right now.

I'm so sorry Willow_friendly. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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[Ariel]

Willow_Friendly, just saw your post tonight. The numbness protects you, gives you time to get through what you need to get through. Just remember you're not alone, the KB is a community.

Ariel

[faolan228]

Currently a fulltime student in a 3rd world country and my mom just cut me off.

It wouldn't be so bad, I suppose, if this happened back home in the States. But she cut me off, and I'm in southeast Asia....

[Pavlov'sBell]

^ Tumblr-sister, I'm so sorry :( *Tons and tons of hugs*

[nightmask]

I fell in love last year with my first girlfriend. She left me the second day of school this year and immediately got with this guy named Lucas. When I found out about him I skipped class and cried all morning.

[Finey_McFine]

The husband of a friend of ours passed away over the weekend. He died in his sleep of a heart attack...he was only 43. Both have kids from previous marriages and were skittish about doing it again, so they stayed engaged for five years before finally getting married three years ago. So very, very sad for their family.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I came to my Uni for the Nursing programme, which I should be starting next semester. Which should be exciting. But the only things I've enjoyed about my time here have been choir and the theater stuff I've done through choir, but once I'm in the Nursing programme I don't get to be in choir anymore. Plus the only friend I have in the whole school is someone I only see in choir, and most of the people I'm semi-friendly with are also in choir, so I won't see any of them anymore after December.

[BeMyDeputy]

Today, my fiance was in a bicycle accident. He was at a busy intersection on his way home from work, and his tire jumped the curb. He ended up half in the street and half on the sidewalk.

I took him to an urgent care center, and he was seen by a doctor. Barring a radiologist identifying a fracture in his x-ray in the morning, it looks like he might walk away from the whole thing with nothing more than a sprained elbow.

I was relieved when the doctor said Adam was going to be okay, but now I can't stop thinking about how close Adam came to being seriously injured or killed. His head hit the pavement so hard it cracked his helmet, and that corner where he went down is a nightmare at rush hour--it's only a block from the interstate and next to a mall. I was calm all through the "call doctor--take Adam to doctor--get Adam's prescription" part, but now that we sat and watched some TV and he's gone to bed, all I can think about is how he could have died.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

On the whole, I've been glad to be home, and I've had some really good time with my sister R (who's living with our parents again, so we're sharing a room) and my stepmum and even some good time with my dad. I should be happy with the good family time, I know that. But I can't help feeling hurt that I've been in town more than 4 days and my other siblings haven't come by or contacted me or anything-- especially since I just found out my stepmum and my sister K are out together right now. I get that they're mother and daughter, and they want time together just the two of them; I do get that, logically. But it makes me feel like my sister just doesn't care I'm around. They live in the same city, and I know K's busy but they have the option to see each other any time; I'm only in town a couple times a year, and I wish someone seemed to actually care about time with me. The three family members I've spent time with, it's only cause we're in the same house interacting; normally my dad suggests we do things together every day or two when I'm here, but in more than 4 days he hasn't done that once. My brother was supposed to stop by on Sunday before going with my dad to a party, and I was looking forward to seeing him, but then he changed his mind at the last minute and asked our dad to pick him up, which meant I didn't see him. He doesn't have a job right now so he's not exactly busy, but I haven't heard from him. Nobody seems to want to gather this weekend, so I guess I won't be seeing anyone until Christmas-- except my sisters have been planning a "sister Christmas" that only includes the 3 of them (and presumably my nephew and brothers-in-law), so I guess I won't see them then either. I know everyone's busy especially this time of year, but I want them to at least *want* to see me, and it feels like they don't care at all. I want to just be happy for the time I'm getting, for hanging out with R like I haven't in years and having a nice time helping my stepmum make a quilt, but right in this moment I feel too hurt to be grateful.

[T.G.I.F.]

I have a stomach flu, with christmas. So I will be on the couch, watching christmas movies, with my cat. This is not how I imagined this christmas...

[dtburanek]

Went to do Christmas with my Aunt. She has down graded my relationship. We have been together 7 years and all previous years my girlfriend got a card with money just like the rest of us. It surprised us the first year even. But for her to get a box if chocolates that she can't even eat, same as my brother's new girlfriend makes me upset. It isn't even about the money, which we really could use right now, it is why now? She mentioned studying the bible which makes me believe she has indeed downgraded my almost 8 year relationship.

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