Letters to the Universe

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear father,

Thank you. I don't know how to say things to you, or express my gratitude for your support, but it really does mean a lot that you want something rainbow for Christmas. We may not have a great relationship and I doubt we ever will, but I still appreciate that you love and support me. Thank you.

Love,
your daughter

[BeneathMyWillowTree]

Dear Universe,

I reflected on you this year. I've been rational and realized the error of my ways. This year has been almost perfect. I won't say bad things happened towards the end, but hard things that needed to happen. These hard things enabled me to reflect more on myself. To be a better person. Although certain relationships may never be the same, but I love those effected and wish them good things. A life full of happiness and in hopes that they reflect on the error of their ways too. Things will never be the same because I've changed. I entered the Matrix and will never see things the same again. It can get pretty lonely at times which makes not isolating myself hard. I have payed a price for having a conscience about morals and principles. I am however fortunate. I possess a sword with two sharp edges. Not everybody can think for themselves. It's our laws, institutions, environment that condition us. Only few decide to take the red pill to see the world for what it is. I can only have hope and patience. I must remember if I'm not a better person to myself it means I won't be the best person to someone else. For this I am truly sorry to those who I've hurt. To those who got caught in my crossfire. If I can't make it up to you then I'll make it up to the next person.

My undying gratitude,
Jen

[JustSkipIt]

Dear Universe,
Thank you for this year. Thank you for everything that I've learned about myself and my family. Please continue to bless and guide us through the next year.

Debra

[writerfreak]

Dear Universe,

Thank you so much for the opportunity to grow as a person and make a lot of things in my life right. Were it not for that I don't think I'd be where I am today. My life is as always utterly blessed and beautiful no matter what. I have a beautiful wife, a beautiful family. Lots of time for softball and the things I truly enjoy. And tonight I have an evening by the fire with a good book which is a serious blessing considering the coldest recorded temperatures in 20 years have hit Ohio. Thanks again.

writerfreak

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear best friend,

I miss living with you. I know it sucked some of the time, cause we were both in bad places and it was too small and it was never really mine and we weren't always the best influence on each other, but I really miss you. And when you told me, only half-joking, that we should never be roommates again, it hurt. Because short of living with a spouse or with my future-kid, living with you again is about the best thing I can picture for my life. I miss watching TV together and playing drinking games and cooking, and walking to the store and you teaching me to drive and volunteering together, and always having someone there-- my best friend just a few feet away when I needed you or just had something funny to share. And sure we sometimes let the dishes pile up and the recycling got ridiculous, but we had so much fun. I had access to your books and hats and TV, you had access to my scarf and hats and DVDs, we could go out together on a total whim and make an adventure of a trip to the store, and best of all staying in could be the perfect blend of lazy me-time and not being alone.
Living in different states again, I'm back to missing you as a friend, wishing when we talk that I could be part of your stories instead of just hearing them, but most of all right now I miss living with you. And I hope you'll change your mind about us being bad roommates cause I think we were pretty great. But even close as we are, I don't know how to tell you that more than almost anything right now I hope someday I live with you again.

With love,
Your friend who knows she's not your best friend but will always think of you as hers

[EasierSaid]

Dear Universe,

My son got less than a teaspoon of water inside of my laptop today; it crashed and wouldn't start. I took it in and got it looked at, the tech said it was a-ok. I breathed a sigh of relief because my computer is borderline-pathetically important to me. (I cried in the bathroom after the screen went black.) But when I got home, the computer acted wonky. Freezing. Crashing. Starting like a ghost. My heart sank. Now, it seems to be working, and I'm sitting here holding my breath. Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease be okay. Please.

Sincerely,

Turning blue in the face from holding my breath

[EasierSaid]

Dear Universe,

Okay. So it's gonna be like that, huh? I see how it is. Nah, nah, it's cool.

IT'S COOL.

...

Computerless

[YellowQuirkyTeacup]

Hey, you. It's nice to know you're still around.
I just wanted to thank you for making no sense whatsoever. I like that the whole universe is completely random, because if it wasn't I don't think I could forgive you for what you've done. To me, and to everyone else.
I also wanted to give you a heads-up: I'm tired of waiting for you to give me a sign. And... I'm just tired of waiting.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear someone from the past,
Not today. Someday, probably soon, but not today. Not tonight when my world is on the verge of falling apart. You have been too much a part of too many times when my life has fallen apart, and I won't give you that power again.

[writerfreak]

Mamaw,
That family video plays inside my head. The moment where I'm standing next to you laughing, and you're laughing with me. Its all I can think of some days. How much I miss you, and want you to be here with me. I get told by strangers all the time that I need closure, the sad part is I got it. A lot of people don't get that closure but we did. We knew for 2 months we were saying goodbye, that it was your time. It was your time 2 days after you went into the hospital. When you coded and they brought you back I knew they shouldn't have. I told my family it shouldn't have happened, that we shouldn't be selfish and to actually let you go. I know you probably already know the arguments over that one. I don't think its closure I lack, I think its so much regret I do have. In the end you only got a year and a half of the real me. I know you were proud but that doesn't make it okay that you never got to see all that I could be before. I was too selfish, too.....everything. I really wish you could have seen it, what I have become and what I could for the next 50 years. I wish you could see the life I've built, the home. The love present in it. I built my life around me this time, you always told me never to build my life around anything but me and I did for so long but this time its around me. Around everything you've taught me. I hope you can see it where you are, Mamaw. I hope it makes you happy to see who I am even now that you're gone. I'll spend every breath for the rest of my life attempting to be all for this family that you were.

Rest in peace, Mamaw, I love you,
Amanda

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear brain,

Please only get new story ideas if you can actually figure out how to put them on paper.

Love,
A grumpy writer

[JustSkipIt]

Dear God,

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for the many blessing in my life. Thank you for my family. Thank you for our health and happiness. Thank you for the sunshine and beautiful weather. Thank you for everything.

Debra

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear actors,

Telling me an hour and a half before rehearsal that you have a conflict that you've known about for weeks does not count as notice. Telling me in the second week of rehearsals that--whoops--you work every single time we have rehearsal scheduled does not count as notice. If you want to be in a play, f*ing COMMIT and *tell your director* when you can't be there. And don't, ya know, agree to do a play and help plan the scheduling if it conflicts with your job.

Act like f*ing adults. I realize you're younger than me, but this isn't high school; take some responsibility, find balance, and actually consult your schedule before taking on commitments.

Sincerely,
A frustrated director who didn't sign up for this shit

[BeneathMyWillowTree]

Dear Universe,

Just when I am not sure why sometimes things happen the way they do you give me an answer. I have been living in a surreal moment. I don't mean this in a bad way. I mean this in the most extraordinary way. I am grateful for this current journey I am on. I don't feel bad about the opportunities I may have given to certain people. I don't allow that to change me because I think we all need to give people the opportunity to triumph or fail. Other peoples failures aren't mine. It has nothing to do with me.

I am grateful to other people who have failed. Thanks to them I am on the current journey I am on and have what I have. For their failures is part responsible for how things are for me right now. I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

Te amo,
Jen

[JustSkipIt]

Dear God,

Please let this doctor be able to help my son. Please let it be a good visit and let him try to give us hope.

Thank you,
Debra

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear animal,

I am truly sorry. It was never my intent for you to die for me, or for your life to be a waste. If there is any afterlife, I hope your spirit is well.

With love and sorry,
Jas

[JustSkipIt]

Dear God,

It's not that I think you should concern yourself with such trivial things but if you happen to have a second or two, could you help the Cowboys to draft a quarterback? Romo is not getting it done and I don't believe he ever will.

Thanks,
Debra

[BeneathMyWillowTree]

Dear Universe,

I am not lucky about the way certain things are in my life. It isn't luck that grants me a good job. It isn't luck that surrounds me by good people. It certainly isn't luck that I am with the love of my life. I am not saying I am entitled to these things. I am humble enough to know better. I am truly blessed, but ultimately deserve these things. I know in my heart that I do. I deserve nothing less than this. It all starts with me though. I can't have any of these things if I don't do my part to get them and to sustain them. It's all part of a balance. Even now this is the closest I've ever felt to God. Not because my life is going so good, but because I realized long ago my role in this world.

So many certain pieces of the puzzle has come together through out the years. There was one critical piece missing...true love. I knew I had found that in 2010, but it wasn't meant to be in that moment. I attempted to find her in others, but failed miserably. I tried so hard, but it shouldn't have been that hard in the first place. I waited 4 years for her and now she's here. This is the moment. Being with someone who's life is mine and my life is theirs is truly unbelievable. There is nothing difficult about it. Nothing scary, nothing negative. It's just pure love every single second. I am always out of my element and it's not a bad thing at all. I am determined to find many ways to express my love. No matter how extreme some of those things may be. It's important to not lose sight of the basics. It's the little things that matter most. I can create a romantic moment to look like a fantasy. This isn't something you do every day though. To make someone feel wanted, special, appreciated and well loved is something you can do everyday. I know I do too. How else would it explain that smile and laugh that escapes her lips everyday.

Thank you for giving me strength to grow. My health which enables me to take care of myself and give to others. I am not wealthy, but what little I have I spread. Thank you for granting me the opportunity to show what I am really made of. To show that I know what true love really is. To show that I know how to treat it and take care of it. To show that I have been able to overcome difficulties when it almost looked like I couldn't.

My undying gratitude,
Jen

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear someone,

I hope you're well. I don't know why I'm thinking of you today, but I am. I hope your life is good, that you're happy and strong and brave and silly, all the things I always thought you were meant to be. I miss you, but it's not about me anymore. I just hope your life is what you want it to be. I hope you are who you want to be.

Sincerely,
The first girl who ever loved you

[JustSkipIt]

Dear Lord,
Thank you so much for all the blessings of my life and most particularly my family. Thank you for giving us joy and fun and cohesion. Thank you for letting my wife and work through difficult times together but always be just that - together. And thank you for letting us be a partnership so that we raise our children and live our life in agreement and harmony.

Thank you,
Debra

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear little one,

You were never mine, you never would have been mine, you were never real. But I loved you. I still love you. It's probably the most foolish thing in my whole life, to ache for a child who never existed, but after all this time it still hurts and I still miss you. Even now sometimes I pretend you're out there, in the world or in heaven or just... existing. Real. My baby boy. My almost-son. I wish I could let go, forget what was never real in the first place, but I'm pretty sure I'll carry you with me until the day I die. Someday I'll finally be a mom, but I think even then I'll wish you were there to be a big brother. Some part of me will never stop wishing for what never could have been. And I will never stop loving you.

With all my love,
Your almost-mom

[BeneathMyWillowTree]

Dear Universe,

Here I am again to express my gratitude to you. I hope you never get tired of it. I found a way to have fulfillment. I didn't want moments of happiness. Although I was grateful for those moments, but I learned to live fully. It is not greed but determination of getting what I want. Complete happiness escapes my lips. I've been in a place that I never thought possible. I also got to see my life a little differently. The day before my birthday I was in Igauzu, Argentina. To had seen one of the wonders of the world and spend my last day as a 31 year old woman there was impressionable. I realized that not only do I want to celebrate another year of life when I am meant to; I want to do something special for the last day of whatever age I happen to be in that moment.

It's knowing that right now I am the oldest I've ever been and the youngest I'll ever be again. So I make it count in immeasurable ways. I have been on a path of creating a life of togetherness with someone. This path has led to the biggest thing I never thought I would do in my life. I am getting married. This idea becomes more real everyday. Asking the love of my life to marry me, to telling my loved ones, to buying the rings. Wow! Writing it down makes it so real.

I love you universe. You have taken very good care of me.

Thank you,
Jen

[BeneathMyWillowTree]

Dear Universe,

Thank you for the amount of abundance you allow me to receive in my life. I don't overlook anything. Every single detail is part of my Utopia. I get excited for the little things often. Everything I do pays dividends in ways that are amazing. I just want to be this ball of positive energy and be consistent with it. I've been able to do that for quite some time now. I am truly humbled and grateful.

Truly yours,
Jen

[woahnellie]

I miss this universe

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear Universe,

Please help me get through these next 9 and a half weeks. I may not be the best nursing student, but I think I'll be a good nurse. So please help me find my motivation and get my act together, help me guess the right answers when I really don't know, help me figure it all out. I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep going if I have to repeat this semester; I'm still doing okay, but my 81 could drop to failing so quick, and there's still one more class to go. I just need to finish this. I need to get through school, I need to graduate and start working and finally achieve what I've been working towards since I was 18. I need this. Please help me survive this.

Sincerely,
A nursing student who's perpetually terrified of fucking it all up

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear friend,

You're wrong about no one ever caring as much as you do. Maybe it's not the right people--maybe I'm not the right person, but someone out there cares, so much. In the ways that you can't. It's selfish to make it about me, but when you say those things, when you say no one cares about you as much as you care about them, it makes me feel like I'm no one. Like I don't matter and my feelings don't count.

I get that I'm not who you want, that I'm just a friend and that's almost certainly all I'll ever be. But you say you care and I want to believe that. I want to believe that I matter, but sometimes I feel like I don't. I guess you don't live with my feelings every day, so it's not fair to expect you to be aware of them like I am; you don't feel that I'm half in love with you, that I think about you all the time, that I wish so much we could meet in person but I'm terrified you wouldn't like me if we did. I suppose it makes sense you'd forget, but when you forget my feelings it makes me feel like you forget me, or I just don't matter.

I know it's not fair, because of course me caring about you isn't enough to make up for a lifetime of people never caring enough; I do so get that, logically. Logic just goes out the window every time I read a complaint that you wish someone was interested in you or people never care as much as you do. Because I'm right here. I'm right here caring and wishing for more and just once I want to count.

~a friend who sometimes wishes she weren't too afraid to say all this

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear friend,

Sometimes, I don't talk to you because I'm ashamed. I care about you--more than I should, more than I know how to comfortably express, more than you can reciprocate; so when I feel like I hurt you, it just feels... worse than I can describe. Part of me knows it's stupid, that I'm essentially letting a crappy tv show that I hate most of the time come between us, that you probably don't blame me personally for my part in fandom things that upset you or even for occasionally expressing my anger to you over a part of the show you love. But I feel like I hurt you and I don't know how to deal with that.

I love you. I haven't said it, but I feel it. And it's stupid because even though we're friends we're not close, not really; I feel close to you but I know you don't really feel the same. I've had feelings for you for so long now that I don't know how I could possibly tell you I love you as a friend without it coming off romantic. But I love you as a person and a friend, and I hate myself for feeling like I contribute to things that hurt you, and for knowing that sometimes I say things to you (telling you how much I hate the ship you adore) that upset you and even make you feel guilty for loving what you love.

I'm not a good person. I haven't been good to you in this friendship, at least not when it comes to this toxic fandom that we share, where we both love our Queen but want such different things for her and where I'm too much of an idiot to keep my mouth shut about my anger and disgust.
You tell me that I'm a good person and a good friend, that I matter to you and you're glad to have me in your life. In the last year you've probably offered me more reassurances than anyone else. But I have this fear that you'll realize how awful I've been to you, how awful I've made you feel, and your opinion of me will change.

So I keep my distance. I don't write because I'm too full of guilt and shame and sorrow. And in the big picture I know they're minor things, that your ship isn't central to your life like mine is to me, that you can separate my fandom feelings from me as a person outside of that, but me hurting you doesn't feel like a minor thing. I love you and I don't want to hurt you ever. I want to make your life better, and when I feel like I'm just making it worse I stay away.

I miss you when we don't talk. I wonder how you are. I wish I knew how your life was going and if you're okay on the inside. The truth is I think about you all the time.

I'm just so messed up over all this, and I don't know what to do. But I do know I'm sorry for hurting you, even though I can't promise to do better.

With love,
A fucked up friend

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear friend,

Here we are at the same place again. I loved what you hated, and now you love what I hate. I know it's just a fandom, and not the only one we share, but sometimes it feels irreconcilable. I want to feel happy that you're happy, but I don't and I feel shitty for that. I know it's not really a big deal, you adoring an episode that disappointed and disgusted me, but I feel like my anger over it hurts you (or at least has the potential to), and even though I think the world of you I still find myself judging you just a little for loving it so much. This fandom is half the reason we ever became friends, and now it feels like all it does is get in the way of our friendship and I am so so sad about that. But mostly I'm upset with myself for my inability to completely separate my feelings about this show from my feelings about you.

You deserve better, and I'm sorry that I can't be that for you.

With love,
your angry pathetic friend

[BeneathMyWillowTree]

Dear Universe,

I have been facing a lot of changes lately. Changes around me and within myself. I know this is part of life, but some changes have a harder impact then others. Thank you for showing me the way. All of my self work I have done up until now hasn't been in vain. You don't know if you quite changed until you're challenged. Until you find yourself compromised you see who you are. If you handle things the same or differently. If you go through something you never experienced before; yet you know the way you handled it would have been different if you were who you used to be. These are the things that set the tone more for who you are or who you want to be.

I am grateful for discovering love I didn't know I truly had until you passed away mom. I do miss you. I hurt still knowing you're gone and how you lived your life when you were here. You're a heart breaker. Interesting enough I kept my cat Nike's ashes when I had to put her down. I didn't keep any part of my mom's ashes. The reason being when I look at Nike's ashes they warm my heart. When I looked at my mom's ashes they broke my heart. Too many should have's and could have's there. Not by my part though and for that I am grateful to myself.

The opportunities I give myself and that are presented to me are extraordinary. My birthday in San Francisco was definitely up there as one of the best ones. Even experiencing kindness and fun from complete strangers made my day special. It was freakin awesome. The best things are usually unplanned. Feeling like Leo from the movie Titanic when I was at the opera was bad ass. I had no false pretenses, wasn't trying hard, just living it up. Unforgettable experiences and people that were part of those experiences made everything worth while. Thank you universe for the sax player, the woman from Penn state, the German woman, my first ever Lyft experience with the driver I had, the excitement the usher had for me being at the opera, my tour guide, the server at the The Pub BBQ, the gentlemen from Texas who I had a casual conversation with while riding the trolley (who by the way saved my ass from getting taken out from the opposing trolley. lol), and everyone else who without realizing contributed to my time out there. Thank them for me in special ways universe.

Thank all of my loved ones. To all those I hold dear and have meaning to me. Even you fellow kittens here. (You know who you are.) It's not enough to say thank you and I love you. I want you universe to show your love for them too.

My undying gratitude,
Jen

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I'm still glad you came back. I always will be. I think of you often. I hope you're alive and well.

Happy coming back day.