Gaydar Discussion Thread

[semiramis]

Then I not only need to buy some lesbo street cred, I also need flirting lessons ; )

[friskylez]

Nah dont need the lesbo street creed stuff and I think you probably do just fine in the flirting area

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

[Kieli]

Some bastard dubbed me the "Queen of Flirt" once at a Xena Con in Valley Forge...I still haven't lived the damn thing down Means nothing I tell you

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to sea then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone."--Amy Tan "The Hundred Secret Senses"

Edited by: Kieli at: 7/18/02 10:03:15 am

[relativegirl]

I will always think of you as the Queen of Flirt, Toni. Unless that honorific has been stolen from you by your lovely wife.



Some girls just got it when it comes to effective flirting. Some girls don't. I'm a don't.

~ If I should rock you,
the whole world would rock within my arms ~

[Kieli]

ROTFLMAO! RG is just evil and she knows it. Here I am blushing like mad. I really have no idea what she is talking about. I am INNOCENT! No lesbo street cred at ALL!

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to sea then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone."--Amy Tan "The Hundred Secret Senses"

[relativegirl]

You aint foolin' nobody Toni. Why don't you embrace your destiny and just start tutoring all us kittens in need of flirting and lesbian wiles. It's like giving back to the community, girl. It would be a good thing!

~ If I should rock you,
the whole world would rock within my arms ~

[slayer747]

Quote:

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Whew. Slayer, you are so my type.

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i am soo blushing right now! i think you are my type, too. lol and as for the bold move, well, after spending most of my formative years in a catholic school and my adolescence in a 'strict science-orietned one... they owe me -- or guess it's just my irish blood running (my dad is) -- or not.. are irish people open to gayness? whatever...



anyway , yup being femme actually amkes you somewhat invisible and my other frined can't believe it when i came out to her earlier this day (and as for coming out, i have 100% acceptance rate -- but there's only been two of them, so i am keeping my firngers crossed). however, i think i do have my (soft?) butch side as well, they appear whenever it rains... my hair's in pony tail and i wear this leather jacket which is now sort of my trademark... whenever it rains, that is (i ususally tell people it is my 'tara' look... they don't get it...).



and again with the gaydar... mine is not really that accurate so here's a situation:



i have met this girl on the day of my freshman registration (that was last year), she seated right next to me and ask for instructions regarding the forms (kind of odd, the forms were easy and i am pretty sure she's not dumb). anyway, we chatted for a while and even though our conversation was brief i have been crushing on her ever since, partly because i think that she is also gay -- we were submitting the forms then and my bestfriend came from behind and playfully rubbed my shoulders, she then looked alternately at me and my best friend and she gave me a sort of worried/disappointed smile which kind of translated to me as 'are you two together?' -- and now, whenever we bump into each other in the corridors, we would have the casual small talk and she would, like, look into my eyes and smile warmly at me, and i actually caught her still looking at me when i already walked past her, which made both of us shy and immediately averted our eyes. i dunno, i mean, i know her name and the high school she went to and that she is in the dean's list but that's it, and i actually think that maybe its justwishful thinking on my part.



but then i got this very recent news (not rumor, source is very reliable) that every single girl in the Occupational Therapy block have boyfriends who also study in the uni, but then i see her not hanging with any guys at all... and she does have a rainbow pin button in her backpack as well (however, here in the philippines, the rainbow, to most people, is just a rainbow)... i mean, i wanna approach her but... i mean, i do flirt, but i think i just don't want to 'just flirt' with her.



so my question is, do you guys think she's gay? i mean, i am slowly outing myself and i don't want to flay my own skin by rushing.

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"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

Edited by: slayer747  at: 7/18/02 3:04:46 am

[HarassedDad]

Oddly enough I seem to have fairly accurate gaydar when it comes to women but I'm constantly surprised by men - which as a straight male is strange. I seem to be having the "is he?" conversation with male gay friends - who just look at me in disbelief cos "He's so obvious" - but my batting average is >90% on lesbians. Amusingly enough I've a mate who has the opposite problem - she can spot gay men all the time but she's hopeless with women - bit of a shame since she's gay.



There was a tv prog a while back here in the uk that did a piece on it - they showed three women on a sofa talking, two straight, one gay and invited you to guess. They had studio guests who claimed to have gaydar trying - they even let em interview the women one on one and they still only got 2 out of 3 right at best. I got all 3 and my theory is that it's disinterest - I suspect the contestents were over riding their internal signals depending on how attractive they found the woman. in other words they wanted someone to be gay so they read the signs that way.



(Incidently is there an equivalent term to fag hag for men who hang around with lesbians? Cos I find it amusing that I seem to have more gay than straight women friends these days)



Harassed Dad

[semiramis]

Well, we used to call one of our dearest gay male friends (who spent all his time with us till he got a boyf) a lemon drop......

[maudmac]

HarassedDad, a good one is lesbro.

---------------------------
I bring pie scented cleaner!--- weebl

[dizzysyd]

Quote:

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(Incidently is there an equivalent term to fag hag for men who hang around with lesbians? Cos I find it amusing that I seem to have more gay than straight women friends these days)

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According to So You Want to Be a Lesbian? (which I bought because the cover cracked me up -- filled with snarky goodness):



Dyke Tyke - Men, sometimes gay, sometimes straight, who perpetually only hang out with lesbian friends, and aspire to lesbianism as a higher consciousness. The male equivalent of fag hag.

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"everything happens for reasons that she will never understand

'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man"

- vanessa carlton

[relativegirl]

Well slayer, I'm certainly not the expert in this area that some of the kittens are *cough*Toni*cough, but it sounds like there may be a possibility that this girl is not only gay but also interested. Next time you see her in the hallways, walk up from behind her (so it seems like you just happen to be headed the same direction as her) and strike up a conversation that lasts as long as you can possibly make it last. Maybe you could even be so bold as to ask her if she wants to grab a cup of coffee -- hey, it worked for Willow!



When you're talking to her, casually ask her if the rumors you heard about the Occupational Therapy block are true, that all the girls have uni boyfriends. And cross your fingers and hope that she says she doesn't. If she says she doesn't have a boyfriend, well woo and hoo!

~ If I should rock you,
the whole world would rock within my arms ~

[roamin]

Sorry to butt in on this thread but here's my 2 cents



Slayer I would recommend making sure you have a couple of topics to talk about planned ahead, otherwise you might make the same mistake I did once. I walked out of class, caught up with this cutie I'd had my eye on - and all I could come up with to say was "so that's your bike' (we'd been talking about biking).



Needless to say I slithered off and never attempted a conversation with her again.



So my advice is plan ahead and then go for it.

[Kieli]

ROTFLMFAO! RG, email me. Please. This is just TOOO Funny. I might even go to hell for this someday

And you know RG, I really really have NO idea where you get this expert thing. I am very queer, granted, but I just talk to people. You know, listen. Very few people do that nowadays. Trust me, no one wants to listen to my advice. I've had women that I was interested in torture me completely because I was too tongue-tied (ahem...figure of speech there, rg ) to say a word. And I can tell you stories of how well THAT turned out



dizzysyd: I cracked up so hard at your post I almost spilled my coffee. I need to get that book!

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to sea then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone."--Amy Tan "The Hundred Secret Senses"

Edited by: Kieli at: 7/18/02 10:14:29 am

[Chance]

Wow, to be on the Kitty... I don't come over here much anymore, but I was shown this thread by Queen Flirt herself...



In all honesty, I believe like most of you have said, Gaydar is about understand and feeling someone's energy or vibe. Mine tends to be fairly dead on. Men, women, whatever, I usually know, and sometimes before they do themselves, but whatever.



Part of it, I think, is that I'm a huge flirt. I'll flirt with anyone I come across... from my best friends to the girl (or boy) behind the check out counter at the supermarket. I see reactions, I watch people's faces, look them in their eyes, that kind of thing. There are small hints, for instance, whoever was talking about watching someone's eyes was probably dead on. If a woman gets "that glint" in her eyes as they trail after some gorgeous woman in shorts and a tight t-shirt, you can kind of see she's at least willing to admit women are attractive, y'know?



I don't really recommend this approach however unless you're comfortable enough with yourself to put yourself out there. Frankly, I don't give a damn, so I'll say anything to anyone.



(Apparently I would be a baby dyke, but I have way too much experience for that, huh, Toni?)



-M.



Oh, and I'm too lazy to scroll back and see who had the story about being called a faghag, and then a friend of theirs turned and went "She's a lesbian, moron!" but it was brilliant. I laughed out loud.

[Kieli]

You know, everyone is mistreating me today. *pout* And don't be fooled. M is an experienced woman. No baby dyke status for her She's just reaffirmed my belief that Libras are the world's most natural flirts. However, I somehow manage to fail my zodiac sign and be the worst of the lot. But Diana loves me anyway Whoever made M laugh should know, that is quite a compliment. She does not amuse easily



It's weird but for me, gaydar has always come natural. Like M said, it really is about the vibes someone is sending you. If I were to truly explain how I knew, I don't really think I could. I also agree that it's in the eyes. A person's eyes speak volumes about them....there's a reason why they are called the mirrors of the soul. I have only dark brown eyes so they are not so much mirrors as little tiny mud puddles. Cain't see a thing in them puppies

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to sea then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone."--Amy Tan "The Hundred Secret Senses"

[dizzysyd]

Quote:

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dizzysyd: I cracked up so hard at your post I almost spilled my coffee. I need to get that book!

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Kieli,



I haven't read the whole thing yet, but what I've read has totally cracked me up. The glossary is funny, too.



I looked it up on Amazon, so here ya go.

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"everything happens for reasons that she will never understand

'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man"

- vanessa carlton

[relativegirl]

ok dizzysyd, you or someone else that owns this book had better post the Lesbian Aptitude Test so that all kittens (and I mean all kittens, including you straight boys) can see how they score. Or if they score.



Oh god! What if I take the test and fail to even score!

~ If I should rock you,
the whole world would rock within my arms ~

[dizzysyd]

Yes ma'am... Can I make it a thread of its own, or does it need to go somewhere else? I guess if it's in the wrong place, it'll be moved, huh?



::braces typing fingers and whips out book::

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"everything happens for reasons that she will never understand

'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man"

- vanessa carlton

[relativegirl]

god I love the sound of a lesbian who can whip . . . even if she's only whipping a book.

~ If I should rock you,
the whole world would rock within my arms ~

[xita]

It can be it's own thread if you wish all GLBT topics are on topic!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oooh Xita!" - Amber Benson

[semiramis]

Hm, interesting terms, but I don't think that they would work in Oz. For a start we don't call anyone bro....we prefer mate, and lesmate? Not quite the right connotation when talking about a guy that hangs out with lesbians.

And tyke generally refers to a toddler, so a dyke tyke would more likely be the child of a dyke.....



So, for me, I'm sticking to lemon drop, it's cute and sweet...

[dizzysyd]

Quote:

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god I love the sound of a lesbian who can whip . . . even if she's only whipping a book

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Uh oh...You're not gonna trip and land face-first in my lap, are ya?? Hee!

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"everything happens for reasons that she will never understand

'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man"

- vanessa carlton

[Kieli]

Ok RG...about your email, it's all set. So you'd better come up with some bright ideas about the title, missy....and they BETTER not be something like, "Ask the Queen of Flirt"

Love is tricky. It is never mundane or daily. You can never get used to it. You have to walk with it, then let it walk with you. You can never balk. It moves you like the tide. It takes you out to sea then lays you on the beach again. Today's struggling pain is the foundation for a certain stride through the heavens. You can run from it but you can never say no. It includes everyone."--Amy Tan "The Hundred Secret Senses"

Edited by: Kieli at: 7/18/02 8:47:53 pm

[slayer747]

sorry imy reply came out too late... i'll try to catch up...



relativegirl yup, i already have some nice things prepared to say to her already...



and just right after i posted yesterday... we saw each other again (and again with the smiles) we actually kind of mumb;ed something to each other like "hi... how ya doin.." or something but they came up all... well, mumbled. i could sense that we both had the feeling of stopping and chat but i think we were both late for class (and i was with my 'fags' that time)... so i am actually sort of 'hunting' (stalking?) for her now.



and uhm... the lesbian apt test sounds really interesting...



so, kittens, any other gaydar thingy you can share with us?

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

Edited by: slayer747  at: 8/20/02 1:29:11 am

[Killin Joke]

I wish ! Kind of a new kid on the block... Like with gossip in general in highschool and further on: I'm always last to know. Though I did fidget with the notion that Sarah Bettens of K's Choice might be gay, but the news of her marrying her American husband sorta burst that bubble, untill now ! He, he, I knew it



Anyway, interesting thread you got there, slayer747. I think it holds some truth: it's nothing scientific, rational but like a 6th sense: some people are just more sensitive to it to pick up such things. With a bit of practice it probably can be stimulated (wishful thinking maybe )



Reading all your posts raised another question. It got me wondering about symbols that represent lesbianism, gay culture,...

Someone mentioned the pink triangle (sorta self-explanatory, I guess...), the rainbow (stands for tolerance for people of all sexual orientations, and can be extended to race, religion,...), the labrys,...

About the labrys: a male friend of mine gave one on a necklace to me on New Year a couple of years ago, because we shared the same love for metal (and that was all we shared: had the crush his mad crush on me in a not so subtle way, but that's another story). I'm interested in (ancient) weapons, and it's supposed to be a symbol of Celtic priestesses too. I recently rewatched Bound, and was shocked to find out Corky had a labrys tatooed on her upper arm. How could I have overlooked that ? /slaps her forehead/ Ah well, anybody knows about the history of the labrys becoming a lesbian symbol ? Know any other signs, their evolution ? Thanks in advance

[pikachu1060]

Quote:

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It compared the finger lengths of lesbians to straight women, and found that lesbians, unlike straight women, tended to have index fingers that were shorter than their ring fingers

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Oh my god, this is so funny... my index finger is actually far shorter than my ring finger And i check the hands of some straight friends just now, and their ring finger is shorter... Could it be possible that this is true?? That would be so cool, but i think i may seem peculiar if i asked girls i just met to show me their fingers



Anyway, as far as my gaydar is concerned, it totally sucks. It only works for guys, so it's not very useful for me. I just can't say if a girl is straight or not... And i kinda always fall for straight girls anyway, which is very frustrating...

Chris
------------------
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands
You seek problems because you need their gifts
Richard Bach - Illusions

[Robin]

Concerning this "finger" thing I seriously doubt it's scientific and I think it's way better that stuff like this isn't true 'cause it reminds me of some Nazi-stuff (no offense!).

[lustandrhymeremover]

Creepy... My ring finger is quite a bit longer than my index finger. LoL I'm sure someone else could find some sort of sex correlation, but I'm far too pure and innocent for such thoughts . I'm sure that has about the reliability of your second toe being longer making you more intelligent though. Too bad, that would make things easier. "'Scuse me, could I see your hands? Wow! you're gay too! Wanna go out sometime?"



As for my gaydar dependability, lets just say: Isn't everyone gay?



BTW, Robin call me history deficient but what kind of Nazi-stuff? I know they had some pretty gruesome selection processes, but nothing particular comes to mind.

"Pronouns make it hard to keep our sexual orientation a secret when our co-workers ask us about our weekend. 'I had a great time with...THEM.' Great! Now they don't think you're queer, just a big slut!"-Judy Carter

[Jimmi Magnus]

Big nose = jew = inferior race

Seems to spring to mind :-/



The Nazi's had a long list of stupid ideas like this.