The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[inlerf]

A: Because they're trying to create enough sound wave to destroy the Earth.

Q: Why do people kiss?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because then we could have , which makes our lives com...plete.

Q: Is anyone gonna hit me for making that horrible pun? *ducks and covers*

[Candleshoe]

A: Yes, but when you least expect it.

Q: Safety pins. What exactly is safe about them?

[FineyMcFine]

A: They won't get you pregnant.

Q: Should I go corporate?

[Candleshoe]

A: If it involves you wearing a suit, Sally, then yes.

Q: How do my dogs know when it's dinner time?

[Auburn]

A: Probably because you shout "dinner time"

Q: Why does the board keep timing out?

[FineyMcFine]

A: The board has a track meet in a few weeks, so it's doing some time trials. (And what a trial it is! Ha.)

Q: What if I went corporate for the Speedo corporation? Should I wear THAT suit?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Only if you send me pictures.

Q: When is a bad hair day not a bad hair day?

[Candleshoe]

A: When no-one can see the hair that is bad.

Q: Things that say "Not for use by children under 5 made in China". What's that about then?

[oneyedchicklet]

A: If the child was conceived in China less than 5 years ago obviously.

Q: How can I stop the ringing in my ears?

HUGS
Barb

[Candleshoe]

A: Answer the phone, Barb.

Q: Is my dinner ready?

[oneyedchicklet]

A: Oh damn Candleshoe. When my lunch was delivered, your dinner came with it. I can mail it to you if you like. It looks very good too.

Q: Should I be nervous that my right ear is still ringing and the same side of my face is feeling numb?

HUGS
Barb

[FineyMcFine]

A: Yes, seek help Barb. You may be fading slowly into an alternate dimension - a world...without shrimp.

Q: Is a capitalist system with a socialist safety net the way to go?

[Twisted Minstrel]

A: Actually, the best direction is probably first star to the right and straight on till morning.

Q: Are there enough toys in the world for my nephews and all the other children?

[Candleshoe]

A: Yes, TM, but I have them, and I'm not giving them up until I get every last thing on my list of demands. Now, where did I put that list?

Q: Why are pliers called pliers?

[Twisted Minstrel]

A: Because if they were called something else, they wouldn't be pliers.

Q: What's softer than feathers?

[inlerf]

A: A big stone wrapped in two tonnes--note it's two, no more, or it'll lose its softness--of feather.

Q: Why must I go for my Physics practical?

[DelWhicker]

A: To not do so would be impractical.

Q: Does a woodchuck really chuck wood?

[umgaynow]

A: Only if he's eaten far too much of it and washed it down with an unseemly amount of beer

Q: Why do all the really cool women seem to live at least 1000 miles away?

[Willow Watcher]

A: Because they live in California and make movies.

Q: Why are boys are easier to raise than girls?

[Twisted Minstrel]

Q: Why do all the really cool women seem to live at least 1000 miles away?

Aint it the truth?

A: Who said boys were easier? They're just simpler.

Q: Why do we need time zones anyway?

[Sassette]

A: >WE< don't need time zones. The planet Earth needs time zones, or else it doesn't know how fast to rotate. Should time zones cease to be, the Earth would either slow to a stop, at which point one side of the earth would cook and the other would freeze, or it would just start spinning out of control so fast it would escape the orbit of the sun and go skittering off across the galaxy. A subtle variation on this is what actually caused the extinction of dinosaurs and unicorns.

Q: Why didn't they make more X-Box 360's?

[Darth Pacula]

A: Because Bill Gates is personally out to screw you over.

Q: Aren't we supposed to have flying cars by now, that fold up into a briefcase, like the Jetsons? Why don't we have flying cars?

[DelWhicker]

A: 2 words.... Dick Cheney.

Q: What really happens when you push the 'walk' button at a crosswalk?

[inlerf]

A: When you're not looking at it, the crosswalk is actually walking. So when you push the "walk" button at the crosswalk, you're taking notice of it, so it becomes self-conscious and ceases its wannabe catwalk and stops.

Q: How is snow formed?

[Candleshoe]

A: God spits.

Q: Why is saffron so expensive?

[Twisted Minstrel]

A: Because I'm just mad about Saffron...and she's just mad about me.

Q: Why must we have neighbors?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: So we can have someone to throw rotten tomatoes at when we get angry.

Q: Live in hell or serve in heaven?

[Twisted Minstrel]

A: If Nicole Kidman goes to Heaven, I will gladly serve. Actually, if all the kittens are there, we'd take over and re-design the place anyway, so - Heaven it is!

Q: What's better with sushi: ginger or wasabi?

[Artemis]

A: Extensive testing was undertaken to determine the answer. Samples of ginger and wasabi were placed in proximity to sushi, and left in a sealed environment. A control quantity of sushi was also prepared, with neither ginger nor wasabi added.

The ginger/sushi mixture percolated for several minutes, then ate through the bowl, and subsequently the table. The lab staff chased it down into the engine decks, where luckily it stopped short of breaching the hull. However when they returned to the lab the remains of the bowl had crawled into a corner and died, and the table later exploded during dinner.

Wasabi and sushi hit it off right away, and eloped to Vegas to get married. They had three children: a lizard-like creature named Chuck, currently working as a waiter in Hollywood until he gets his big break when monster movies have a revival; a daughter named Melody with various unhelpful superpowers such as fridge-breath (like freeze-breath, but it only chills to about 2-4 degrees) and unpowered flight (meaning she has to carry a battery-powered hair dryer to actually move once she's in mid-air) - she fights crime in a small island just off the coast of Washington State, where she's not totally out of her league; and a child of indeterminate gender named Huh, which is in therapy for a number of reasons.

The control sample of sushi got very very lonely, and ended up wearing heavy eye shadow and black clothes. It recently produced a poem, entitled 'My Pain':
My pain is
an ocean
of sorrow and misery.
You
cannot understand what it is
to be me. Do not
pity
me, even though
I am condiment-less.
My life is
loneliness.

Officers from the Test Subject Health and Welfare Bureau are currently investigating the laboratory.

Q: Do movies get tired of moving?