A Moment of Truth

[Emms]

And also, Valentine's Day can suck it.

I only want this tatood on my ass...

[taraslove]

And also, Valentine's Day can suck it.

I only want this tatood on my ass...

Heh. You have my blessing.

[Dorothy]

I'd die to be loved, to just have someone lie down beside me, put her arm around me and hold me close. For someone to tell me she'll never let me down and to be by my side when I need her.

But that's just a dream and dreams don't come true. No one ever did, no one ever will. They always disapear, get abusive, stop loving or a combination of those.

guess 2:30 AM is a gloomy time LoL

[CrazyTaraWitch]

You summed up my feelings perfectly Dorothy. I want someone to always be there, not just when I need her but also when she needs me. I want to be loved and needed. I want to be held and made to feel warm and safe. I want someone to say 'I love you', and mean it, and never take it back.

I want love, but it's never going to happen. Period.

[taraslove]

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[CrazyTaraWitch]

I haven't written a poem, or at least not a remotely decent one, in almost a year. I need to find some way to express myself, but I seem to have lost the ability. I was a reasonably decent writer once upon a time, and I don't know what the heck happened to make that part of me fade away.

[taraslove]

deleted

[CrazyTaraWitch]

It was all a lie. All of it. I never meant anything. I've never meant anything to anyone.

I am nothing.

[gorn]

I haven't written a poem, or at least not a remotely decent one, in almost a year. I need to find some way to express myself, but I seem to have lost the ability. I was a reasonably decent writer once upon a time, and I don't know what the heck happened to make that part of me fade away.

You and I are probably coming at this from completely different perspectives, but I have a similar feeling. There was a time in my life kind of long ago when I wrote a lot. I felt I was getting good at it, too. But then a terrible thing happened - I became domesticated. I don't mean that in a humorous way, either, I mean it quite literally. I fell in love, and this time it worked out. I was happy. I settled down. My life fell into a reasonably comfortable pattern, and I was ok with that. I was content.

Whatever it was that made me write, that drove me to write - that fire - gradually sputtered out. There's something raw and powerful inside of you when you're young and moving around, when your heart gets broken, when music sounded better, when the night went on and on and on and the sun never seemed to come up. It tingles like electricity and makes your hair stand on end, and even when it hurts it hurts so very good. Visceral, like nails down your back ... or like nails down a chalkboard. The words just flowed then, you know?

I think I could probably still write good stuff if I dug down deep enough and found some of that old feeling again. It must be down there somewhere ... I'm just not driven to do it any more.

[Justified12]

That girl was probably the love of my life. The Tara to my Willow. But how do you define the love of your life exactly? What makes them so special?

Personally, I just have a feeling. I know that when I was with her, I hadn't had my heart broken so many times and I still believed love... I hadn't given up on trusting people back then etither. Everything with her just felt perfect.

Maybe it's due to bad experiences with relationships or maybe it's just because she really was THE ONE for me and I for her. All I know is that right now, it certainly feels like she was and will forever be, the one true love of my life.

[Psy]

I want her.

THERE! I said it! I can't stand her but I effin' want her! And I hate this effin' jealousy crap. Why does the most emotionally unavailable woman in the world have to bring it out of me? She has warped my entire view on women and I hate that she has that kind of power over me! All this and I don't even LOVE her!

Argh. *pulls hair out*

[taraslove]

deleted

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I don't know how to keep going through life feeling this alone.

[Dorothy]

Double that
and I need a hug

[sweet satin lover]

I am totally 100% lost and I have no idea what to do. Most of the time I am fine but then sometimes I get more and more lost...I feel so distant and not connected at all.

[hondos]

blush

[CrazyTaraWitch]

*hug for Dorothy*

OT: Outside of my job, there is very little I like about my life. The only 3 people left that generally make me happy have their own lives and I feel perpetually left out.
I'm not happy.

[love_2003]

I need structure in my life, otherwise I start to go a little crazy.

[Millerchip77]

My PhD is driving me literally crazy and I am flipping out because I leave a month today for Australia where I'm staying for 3 months - without my partner. I'm simultaneously excited and sad about going. When did it all get so effing complicated?

[gorn]

This post isn't going to make sense to anyone not playing World of Warcraft ... my apologies in advance.

My friends got me into the game about a year ago, and I started on a PvE server where they all were. PvE, meaning little to zero player-vs-player fighting except in special zones and under very controlled circumstances. That was ok when I was a beginner, but I gradually started branching out, taking careful, tentative steps on the no-holds-barred PvP servers. And after my first few kills of real, living-breathing people, I was hooked. I started seeing my friends less and less on the PvE server until I finally disappeared from there altogether, descending into an orgy of PvP mass-murder.

Just last Sunday I was in Stranglethorn Vale, arguably the single most notorious spot of contested territory in the game. From the moment I entered the jungle until I was finally able to find a living Flight Master and get the hell out, it was NON-STOP violence. I stalked people one-on-one, I was chased by teams, I was ganked by high-level dudes who had no other business in Stranglethorn than to kill people like me. It was a fucking bloodbath. I must've killed 20 people that night, and been killed myself countless times more. I was even getting killed by guys camping the Graveyard, an admittedly loathsome practice I somewhat frown upon (but have done myself in the past). It was all I could do to respawn and flee for my very life.

It was beautiful.

Trouble is ... I've been getting lonely. My friends are scattered all over the country, so the internet is one of the only ways we stay in-touch. I talk to them on-line all the time, but I don't see them in-game anymore. We don't PLAY together anymore, and I miss that. And it's my own fault. I've tried to get them to join me on my PvP server; they tried it for a bit, but they don't have the same taste for blood I do. Most of them found the experience frustrating rather than exhilarating, and gradually they all dropped off and went back to their original server. I was left standing on the broken bodies of my enemies, my hands drenched in virtual blood, STOKED with adrenalin ... but all alone.

So, last night, I went back to my old server where all my friends are and I created a new character. They were happy to have me back, and I spent far more time chatting with them than actually playing the game. But that was ok. It felt good to have an in-game social life again.

At one point, though, there was a starting quest I had to go through where I was required to duel 5 other players of my own class/level. It's a one-on-one fight, but no one actually dies. Kind of way to hone your PvP skills in relative safety. Now, I have no misconceptions about my PvP ability. I'm good, but I know there are 12 year old kids out there who will hand me my ass Every.Single.Time. That said, though, I noticed a DRAMATIC lack of ability dueling other players on this server. I beat the hell out of them without breaking a sweat. Beating the first two was kinda fun ... but by the end of it, I realized THIS was what I had to look forward to playing on this server with my friends. There would be no violence in Stranglethorn - enemy players would wave at me, unable to attack. And when I did find zones to fight in, most of them would likely be push-overs ... or the zone would be populated exclusively by those 12 year old kids.

As nice as it is to run around with my old friends, the thrill is gone on their server. I can either play with them in relative safety, or battle to my heart's content far away and alone. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground here.

I've decided to stick with my friends because I really am lonely ... but I don't know how long it will last.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Today was extremely overwhelming and made me feel largely incompitent. Appartently I am not capable of being in charge for 3 hours
On the bright side, as my boss pointed out all the babies lived through it, even without apparent injury or illness, so I suppose it should count as a success...but it doesn't feel that way.

[jay/wt4evr]

It is true that I'm feeling better, but it's also true that I'm willing to go to school tomorrow because the Lit, hot teacher is gonna give me her mob number {which I already have, but she doesn't know, because I didn't even want to use it}. Yes people, I am officially desperate

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I think I miss her...

[Dorothy]

I really Really REALLY love all of my favorite girls wouldn't know what to do without them.

[love_2003]

I'm happy that my little sister graduated from college but am sad at the same time because this means that she is getting that much closer to moving away.

[Dorothy]

I really Really REALLY love all of my favorite girls wouldn't know what to do without them.

and now I'm very scared I upset one of them :(
Which I really didn't wana do.
She was just being sweet, concerned and caring, al the things I love so much in all of my favorite girls.


momen't of truth; I'm just a complete mental idiot unable to deal with anything in life propperly and I keep messing it up for myself and for those around me.

[Willowtree252]

I miss my friends on here so much .... Sandi mom still thinks we will fail and she will come home what a foolish woman.

[Kessari]

I truely missed you kitten! You're still my number one!!!

[love_2003]

I hate that I'm such a procrastinator. I have known about this final paper for a little over three weeks and am now just starting on it.
It's due tomorrow.

[writerfreak]

My existence has been forgotten.

writerfreak