Ridiculous Conversations

[JustSkipIt]

The idea: Ridiculous conversations you have but maybe they don't come to the level of wanting to rant about them. For example, when I was in high school I had this conversation with my sister:

Her: The Cowboys are the only NFL team stupid enough to wear white uniforms at home.
Me: If that was true, they wouldn't even need to own blue uniforms.
Her: Yes they would. Everyone has to have 2 sets of uniforms but they are the only team stupid enough to want to wear white.
Me: And since the home team gets to pick they would pick white at home and when they were away, the other team would pick color uniforms leaving the Cowboys to wear white.
Her: No. They are stupid.
Me: You're not making sense.

etc.



but what made me think of this topic was a conversation with my wife last week:

Her: Well if everyone is going to leave Houston on Friday after Thanksgiving to go to the Bat Mitzvah (my cousin's in Miami that we can't afford to go to), we could go to my parents'.
Me: That sounds like a lot of driving.
Her: No. About the same.
Me: But wouldn't we drive 180 miles to Houston Wednesday night and then 4.5 or 5 hours to East Texas on Friday and another 4 hours on Sunday?
Her: No. It's only 3 hours from Houston to Dallas. It's an equilateral triangle.
Me: Oh. I always thought it was longer.

a day later
Me: I just looked it up on google maps. It is 240 miles from my sister's house to your parents' house and would take 4.5 hours.
Her: That's not how I remember it.
Me: Ok. The triangle is sort of long and skinny.
Her: Well.. it's not equilateral on all sides.
Me: Ok.

a day later
Her: It didn't used to be that far from Dallas to Houston.
Me: I just looked on google maps. I've never driven it.
Her: Well Stephen (her ex) used to do it in 3 hours.
Me: Google maps says it is 240 miles.
Her: Well he was driving from my brother's house to Humble. That must be shorter.
Me: (typing it into Google). That's 230 miles.
Her: Well it used to be shorter.

[Finey_McFine]

Deb-

Tee hee hee...sounds like a conversation between Chris and I. GREAT idea for a thread! From my house to Dallas is +/- 250mi and takes me between 4-5 hours depending on traffic, road construction, etc. I've never done it under 4. Ironically, we'll be in Austin Thanksgiving weekend for a wedding. So you you won't be able to see Chris taking out the trash:(

[JustSkipIt]

Shelby - yes. I was also thinking of the conversation you had with Chris about the volleyball match.

[Kessari]

Perfect topic for a converation I had an hour ago!

Mother: You should consider it!
Me: What?
Mother: Marrying him!
Me: What??
Mother: Well, he pays almost 60% on taxes of his salary. You could live together, he'd work and you could stay at home!
Me: What???
Mother: Seriously, he's working like 90 hours a week anyways. You wouldn't even have to see him much.
Me: Uh, what?
Mother: He's your best friend. You should really consider it.
Me: I... uh...
Mother: Just talk to him about it.
Me: I.... We never talked about something like this ever before and I'm not going to start now!!!! Seriously, you think way too little of me to think I'd even consider something like this.
Mother: Lots of people do it. You're not getting any younger.
Me: I'm 25 for f**** sake!!!!! (*add more obscenities)
Mother: Come on. It wouldn't be that bad.
Me: Gonna hang up on you now. Call me when you found your sanity.


I'm gonna call my best friend soon. He's gonna have a blast hearing about another one of my mothers ridiculous ideas.

[RainbowNerdette]

LoooooL That is hilarious TBH

[JustSkipIt]

How did the words "are you high?!" not come out of your mouth?

[Finey_McFine]

Today at lunch with a group of 16/17 year old teenage girls...

GIRL 1: How long have you been with your boyfriend.
GIRL 2: Three years, why?
GIRL 1: Do you think you'll marry him?
GIRL 2: Oh hell no! I'm hooking up with a rich guy.
GIRL 1: I'm definitely going to marry for money.
GIRL 2: Why even bother? Just get yourself a 'Sugar-Daddy' like my friend's Mom.
ME: Um, what? Are you two serious?
GIRL 2: Yeah, why?
ME: Well, what happened to marrying for love?
GIRL 2: Overrated. My friend's Sugar Daddy paid for her college and bought her a new BMW. And all her Mom had to do was hang out with him at company functions and stuff.
ME: So, the Mom is an Escort?
GIRL 2: No, she just does stuff with him and he pays for stuff and gives her money.
ME: Oh, then she's a prostitute.
GIRL 2: NO! Why would you say that? She has a boyfriend too.
ME: Is she having sex with the Sugar Daddy?
GIRL 2: Yeah, but that doesn't matter.
ME: Well, the last time I checked a person who collects money for sex is a prostitute. Look it up.
GIRL 2: Hmm, I never thought of it that way. Oh well, it still seems better than being poor and in love. I'd rather have stuff like nice cars, a mansion, and lot's of jewelry because those things are what's important anyway.

The conversation ended with my IQ dropping at least 30 points.

[JustSkipIt]

Wow. The girls from that conversation would totally go for kessari's mom's plan.

[Kessari]

Your conversation reminds me of one I had with a (now former) colleague in 2008, where she told me her current boyfriend offered to either pay for a vacation for the two of them or pay for her drivers licence (which costs about 3500 USD in Germany) as a birthday gift for her 18th birthday. She told me she picked the licence and as soon as it was paid for, she dumped him.... OMG?!

Yeah, makes me wonder why I didn't ask if she was high... I think I was too stunned.

[Paint the Sky]

Ok, i'm not sure if this is a ridiculous conversation or not, but it was certainly a ridiculus moment for me. I was doing supervisor at work while my supervisor was on leave and had this convo with one of the guys after noticing that our tourist/visitor leaflet dispenser was empty:

Me: hey, A*****, the leaflet dispenser is empty, do we have leaflets for it or do I need to order some?

A*****: Yeah, we have plenty of them, there is four boxes in the store.

Me: Well, do you think you could fill up the dispenser?

A*****: We don't put any out.

Me: Why not?

A*****: Cos people will take them.

Me: *face palm*

[JustSkipIt]

Yes. That definitely qualifies as ridiculous.

[Finey_McFine]

Conversation with my daughter, age13.

ME: Why are there sparkles on your face?
J: I may have rubbed one of these sparkly folders on my face.
ME: Um, why would you do that?
J: Mom, come on, this is me. Do you really want to know?
ME: Yes, because now I'm curious.
J: Because if you hold it this way, away from the sliding glass doors and put your face on it, you can see trees.
ME: Uh huh, how did you come up with this.
J: I wanted to see if I could see a reflection of a reflection. What? Am I just too smart for you?

[Finey_McFine]

This was a conversation that occurred at 6am, the excuse my wife used as the reason she is so clueless, lol. The reality is that she really is this uncool...poor baby.


J: Hey Mom, how do you like my outfit? All turquoise for my birthday!
C: It looks good. How are those pants, comfy?
J: Yeah very, not like regular jeans. They're stretchy. Thanks again for getting them for me.
C: As long as you like them. I'd never heard of Janks before you showed them to me.
J: Janks? What are you talking about?
C: Your pants, they're called Janks right?
J: (laughing hysterically) NO! They're called Jeggings!
ME: Where the hell did you get Janks from?
C: You know, a cross between Jeans and Spanks.
J: MOM! Spanks?? It's a cross between Jeans and LEGGINGS!!!

[Finey_McFine]

Conversation tonight after dinner...

J: Hey Mom's! Guess what we're studying in history?
US: What?
J: We're learning about the Pilgrims and all that Thanksgiving type stuff.
ME: Oh, that's cool.
J: Yeah, it's fun learning the history of America. By the way, did you know the Pilgrims were really speartons?
MY WIFE: Um...what?
J: Speartonists.
ME: No offense, but what the frilly heck are you talking about?
MY WIFE: Do you mean Spartans? Because I don't think they were Spartans.
J: Grrrr...my teacher told us today, they were sa-peer-a-tons.
US: *Completely baffled*
J: They came here because they wanted religious freedom and since they broke off with their country, they were called sa-peer-a-tons.
MY WIFE: Sweetie, that's not a word.
J: *Getting frustrated* Well, that's what my teacher said, I'm SURE of it. Hold on, I'm gonna Google it and show you. Okay, here it is...
MY WIFE: That's SEPARATISTS!

Hilarity ensued......

[JustSkipIt]

Shel - That's fantastic!

[Finey_McFine]

Shel - That's fantastic!

Deb- We should re-name this thread 'Ridiculous Conversations With Kids,' because, really, I could go on forever. Chris and I dubbed it 'Jordan-Speak' years ago, because she seems to have her own 'special' language. Kind of like twins, only with herself and the rest of the world, lol. For years she referred to Panera Bread as 'Broccoli Soup,' enchiladas were 'chinchlatas,' Indiana Jones as 'Dirty Jones' because he was "always sweaty," and the list goes on............ When we went to the animal shelter to pick out a kitten she read the card on the cage and said, "His name is Dob. What kind of a name is that? Do they mean Dobby, like in Harry Potter?" Chris walked over and just started cracking up. "That's DATE OF BIRTH!" We're still laughing about that one.

Today she told me that a 7th grader beat her in the orchestra chair test. She's been 1st violin/1st chair for the last few weeks and practicing like crazy to keep it. Here was the conversation:

J: So I got bumped down to 3rd chair today.
ME: Bummer. What happened?
J: *sighs* I screwed up the very last part of the song.
ME: Are you upset?
J: Yes, but It's okay, G got the position and I was happy for him. He's kind of my new orchestra buddy by default.
ME: Default?
J: Yeah, we're friends now because I may or may not have accidentally stabbed him in the head with my bow.

[Foomatic]

I got my hair cut today, much shorter than the first time. I was surprised at how gracious my partner was when she saw it . . . didn't say she liked it, but she wasn't a spout of distain like the first time I cut it.

We're watching Grey's Anatomy, and I'm playing with my hair, tousling it, spiking it, etc., and this conversation happens:

S: You look like that bird with your hair like that.
ME: Like this? (Attempts to make a faux hawk)
S: Yeah.
ME: What bird?
S: You know, that one bird, with the thing sticking out of its head.
ME: I look like a quail?
S: No, that one African bird!
ME: . . . a peacock?
S: No . . . what's it called? A manatee?
ME: . . . A manatee.
S: Yeah, isn't that what it's called?
ME: A manatee is a large sea mammal.
S: Oh. That one bird . . . that one that was at Madison's birthday party [we had a bird show come to our daughter's second birthday]
ME: That's a MACAW.

[T.G.I.F.]

Wednesday we had a themed party of the student association, 'One Night in Vegas'. A friend of mine was dressed as a bride that lost her groom, which already was hilarious. So we were outside talking to some people.

Friend: "Hey, I don't know you."
Guy: "That could be correct. I dont go here, I was brought along by someone who goes here. I'm from Canada."
Friend: "ROBIN SHERBATSKY IS FROM CANADA!!!...and Justin Bieber.
Guy: "I know!"
Friend: "He threw up on stage, I loved it! I'm going to his concert in April, I hope he does it again. Are you his brother?"
Guy: "Eeeeeh, no?"

And I was like....right...I bet the guy was too.

[Finey_McFine]

This falls more in line with a 'ridiculous statement,' because it rendered me speechless. So, I'm in the kitchen filling up the water dish for the dogs and my wife comes in and says...

"Why do you keep filling up their water dish? All they do is drink it."

See what I mean? No words.

[Laragh]

This isn't really a conversation, but a facebook status from one of my few republican 'friends':

"I'm watching Doomsday Preppers and taking notes."

Knowing this guy, it was said in all seriousness. Any one else see some crazies?

Let me also direct you to Ted Nugent's twitter

[Finey_McFine]

J: Mom!
ME: What?
J: I think I have a tumor.
ME: Excuse me?
J: Feel right here by my ear. Feel that? It wasn't there a few days ago and my right eye is squinty. I think it's pressing on my optic nerve and causing my eye to be all droopy.
ME: It's not a tumor. (In my best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.)
J: Huh?
ME: It's not a...oh never mind. Why do you think it's a tumor?
J: Because I saw this episode of House and-
ME: Okay, stop right there. You don't have a tumor. You probably have a lymph infection or it's your sinuses.
J: Mom, you're NOT House! You don't know, it could be a tumor.
ME: Alright, it's a tumor.
J: HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!?!

For the record...I was right. A lymph gland infection; no tumor. She was forced to admit that 'Mom is ALWAYS right!' lol

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Coworker: You have a social life?!?
Me: I'm going to see a play about gay penguins!

[Kessari]

I met this guy in a MMORPG almost a year ago and well we became friends. Lately though he's been acting kind of weird towards me and I couldn't figure out why... Until he texted me a couple days ago:

Him: I did it!
Me: You did what?
Him: I broke up with my girlfriend.
Me: I'm sorry.
Him: I'm not.
Me: Uh, okay. Why's that? What happened?
Him: She annoyed me.
Me: Ohhhhkay... *rolls eyes*
Him: And you live a lot closer to me, than she does.
Me: What? Oo
Him: That's much more convenient.
Me: Am I missing something here?
Him: Well, we could date.
Me: You know I'm not into guys. I told you ages ago.
Him: Yeah, but maybe I could change that?!
Me: Not a chance...
Him: Why not?
Me: I'm not having this conversation... OMG!


People are so weird sometimes.. WTF just happened there?! Still can't wrap my head around that.

[SickSadGirl]

This happened a while ago, at my previous job, but I was thinking about it last night. My coworker was grumbling about some kids from school...

Keo: ...that's so gay!
Me: Keo, what the hell?! You shouldn't say that!
Keo: But I don't mean it like that. I mean it in the bad way.
Me: That's why it came to mean something bad, because people think being homosexual is bad.
Keo: Oh. Okay, I won't say it. Well, anyway, they were acting retarded!
Me: KEO!!!

[Finey_McFine]

My teenage daughter came and got in bed with this morning to snuggle...

ME: Sweetie, roll that way I need to go pee.
J: (playing intently on her phone) Wait! Where are you going?
ME: To my closet.
J: Oh, okay. Why?
ME: Because I have to pee.
J: Oh...WHAT?

[Foomatic]

Me: Did you go on a walk with Grandma?
Madison: Yes! We saw Bambi and his brother, Tico.
Me: . . . . . Tico?

[CrazyTaraWitch]

In preparation for moving, I gave my brother a couple pieces of furniture, and a woman we grew up with (L) helped us move stuff. When we got everything loaded, we chatted for a minute.

L: Yall both live with gay people. That's awkward.
Me: How is that awkward? Considering two of the three of us (motion to myself, her, and my brother) are gay?
L: I'm the most homophobic gay person ever! I don't like gay people! It's like M (her sister) not liking blondes.
Me: Well no one likes blondes.

(As a side note, M, L, and I are all blonde.)

[T.G.I.F.]

Last night at the bar with some friends, and some really make me wonder sometimes why I am even friends with them.

N: I bought a new shirt.
Me: Oh cool me too. One with Jim Morisson.
N: James Morisson?
Me: No, JIM Morisson.
N: I don't know the guy.
Me: -_-
N: What?
Me: The singer from the Doors.
N: Never heard of it.
Me: *sings* Come on baby light my fire.
N: OH! I KNOW THAT SONG!
Me: See, there you go.
N: From Will Young.
Me: I am officially not talking to you anymore.

[Laragh]

My mom: What are you doing? Why are you meeting strangers from the internet?

Me: They're not strangers when we're all obsessed with the same celebrity, mom.

[JustSkipIt]

So the other night my wife got all pissed off at me on the way home from dinner. She's mad that she feels I'm pushing my back too hard and not letting it heal well. So in the course of going on and on (a habit of hers) she tells me that she told me 3 separate times to not push too hard today. I'm like... really what 3 times?

So she tells me:
1. While I was out walking. - Just to clarify I was not walking with her. I was walking by myself. I point this out and she says well yes she didn't actually say that I shouldn't keep going. But afterwards she thought that it was too much. (nearly the same thing as saying something out loud at the time).
2. While Chiara and I were sorting the tupperware for 30 minutes - Ok she's got me there but it wasn't 30 minutes.
3. Just now when I should have told her that my back hurt at dinner and we needed to go home. -- For example when I turned to her and said "my back is getting tired. Let's tell the kids and head home soon." -- She has no memory of this.

So 3 examples - one she only thought about saying something and that was after the fact, one yes, one she said nothing but I did and she didn't get it.