Advice Needed

[EndlessDestiny]

I'm seventeen. I'm...confused. I think that I've had feelings for girls. A few crushes, not many, but still. I've never been on a date or anything (with boy or girl).

Some of the time I think I have feelings for girls and other times for boys and sometimes I just feel nothing. I've never really cared whether or not I had guy friends. If I had some, great, if I didn't, oh well.

As far as my feelings go..

I'm pretty sure that I had a huge crush on this girl at my school. I've known her since I was in tenth grade and well, I thought about her a lot, look forward to seeing her, I'm all shy when I talked to her and get really happy when I talk to her or after. She's got nothing against gays, considering she is one. I went to her house once. It was a lot of fun. We took a walk and she held my hand. I really liked it. I remembered her birthday (something I can never do 'cept with family) and I had the weirdest urges to give her gifts.

That was the only time anything like that ever happened and nothing ever came of it.

I had another maybe crush during the summer, though not as big. I liked being around her and talking to her, but it wasn't nearly as strong than it was with the other girl. She offered to give me singing lessons once and I was a nervous reck! She kept telling to stop being to tense, and then when we were working on breathing she told me to feel her ribs to understand the breathing technique.

This year there's a girl in my english class who I talk to sometimes and for a week or two I may have liked her. I've still got a 'shyness' when I talk to her.

If those aren't crushes, I don't know what is.

When I said excited, I get reall really happy. I'd get like that when I was with that girl I was talking about. And the time we went for a walk and held hands, my hand kinda tingled, but in a nice way.

The only fantasies I have are things like hand holding, or going on a date, or a little kiss.


Anyway, I told my Mom that I'm confused and she's all I'll always love you even though it isn't the life I want for you. She said that she thought I was going out with that girl I told you about.

She said that always thought that I'd question my sexualitiy, but she always thought that I'd end up with a guy.

She says that I'm afraid of liking a boy and that all my friends have been girls and that I'm just more comfortable with them.

She said that when I make a new friend (female) I get really excited and attached and think that it is a crush. That girl I mentioned before, I liked her for for over two years, and she stopped hanging out with me after a few months, which doesn't agree with my mom's logic.

Now whenever I'm around her I'm always afraid she'll bring it up and when she does, it's always "I'm sure you aren't gay."

She's very good at reading people too.

I've never had any big crushes on boys (none come to mind except on in the third grade but that could just be an 8 year old trying to be more grown up)

I don't feel a lot toward boys (in that way). I like it when they pay attention to me (well, I like it when anyone does).Sometimes I feel a little around guys.

I'm not repulsed by the idea of going out with boys and all, but neither am I by girls. I've certainly wondered what it would be like to kiss a girl (more than I do boys).

I look at guys and I can tell which are good looking, but the word cute or hot never really comes to mind.

It seems that the only way to know for sure what I am is to kiss someone, though neither gender seems all that interested in me.

This whole not knowing thing is driving me crazy and my mom told me not to talk to anyone about it. Sometimes I just feel like exploding from holding it all in!


Thanks for listening. I know it's a bit long but I didn't want to leave anything out.

[FineyMcFine]

Hey there - sounds like you have a lot on your mind. I'm glad that you posted here on the kittenboard. I think that it's important that you have a place where you can talk about what you're feeling, and this message board is a safe place. It also sounds like your mom doesn't want you to talk to anyone in your "real life" right now so this is a good option for you to get some of what you're feeling out while still respecting her wishes. You definitely don't want to explode from holding it all in - that can lead to trouble or big dramatic situations.

As far as what you're feeling, and having crushes on girls and/or boys, I would say that it's okay if you don't have it all figured out right now and it's okay if you just take your time figuring it out. The only person who really knows is you, and just trust what you're feeling. If you think you had a crush on a girl at school, then you probably did. You're the only person who gets to say who you are, what you are, and what you feel.

Parents - parents are a tough issue sometimes. It's really really great that your mom told you that she'll always love you. I think that it's a common thing that parents are worried about their kids being discriminated against or hurt because they're gay, and some parents have dreams for their kids and it's hard when the kids don't turn out the way they want. It's a learning process for the parents, or at least it was for mine, and it took time.

Anyway, I wish you the best! Hang in there, the answers will come.

[maudmac]

I really can't offer anything better than what Sally's already said. She's right.

We're always here when you need us. You're definitely not alone in what you're going through. We understand. I know it's frustrating and confusing right now. Just go ahead and let yourself feel whatever you're feeling, whether it's for girls or boys or both. No rush to nail everything down right now, if ever.

I hope you feel less like exploding now, at least a little bit.

[JustSkipIt]

I just wanted to second (or third) most of what Sally had to say. I don't think that you're supposed to have it figured out yet. Some people never figure out lots of thing and who they have crushes is just one aspect of that. I'm really glad that you feel comfortable posting here and hope that you continue to do so. This community can be really great for asking questions, getting answers, or even just lurking and seeing what people are talking about.

You're doing great. Wishing you the best. Debra

[cbrymm]

When I was first coming out a friend gave me some advice and I wish I had listened. Its along the same lines of what Sally said so I guess I'm... forthing (?) it.

My friend’s advice:
Don't be quick to label yourself. A lot of people feel the need to give themselves a label such as "straight," "bisexual," or "gay." The reason is it makes it easier when participating in social interaction. It’s so much easier to say "I'm (insert sexual preference here)" than to say "I'm open" or something along those lines. When I first came out I was quick to label myself as "lesbian." The truth is I'm more than a lesbian. I'm more than a label. I'm also a B average student, a guitar player, a writer, a friend, a daughter, an older sister, and countless other things. Simply labeling myself as a lesbian is like ignoring all of those other aspects of my life and, above all, it’s kind of stressful. It’s easy to feel like if you give your self a label you have to stick with it for the rest of your life and there's no room for change. While there is some security in that, it’s no way to live. My advice, don't label yourself as gay, straight, or otherwise. Talk to someone who may have gone through the same problem. Most of all, in the words of Scud from D.E.B.S, be open to love. If you like a girl, get to know her, hang out with her, maybe even ask her on a date. Just because you go on a date with a girl doesn't mean you’re a lesbian. It means you are a human being and you have the capacity to love and be loved. So I guess to sum it all up before I write a novel, don't worry about gay, straight, bisexual, etc, just be human and the rest will fall into place naturally.

Hope that helped

[EndlessDestiny]

Whenever my mom is alone with me she starts talking about how I need to meet a guy. It's driving me crazy. She knows that I don't know what I am.

She says that another reason I'm confused is that a while back I had two friends who were bi. I mean, I don't think that that could confuse a person. What do you all think?

I understand what you all mean by not needing a label, but I just wanna know what I am.

[in_my_closet]

Hi there

I read your post a few times and I was really quite amazed at how well I could relate to your situation. That's not to say I know anything at all, because I am just a youngin' when it comes to these things, but I've been through the confusion, the denial, the questioning. The labelling.

I'd have to agree with everyone on here when they say it's so, so, so important that you don't label yourself or let anyone else label you. You, yourself, are the only one who gets to decide what it is that you are. That's not for anyone else to judge.

Ever since I was small I knew I had this sort of attraction to girls, and as I got older, I realized that not everyone had these same sorts of feelings. Being afraid, I tried to ignore them in the hopes that they would go away. Needless to say, they did not go away. I've done things with both guys and girls, and liked both a great deal, but when it really comes down to it, I prefer having a relationship with a woman. This is not to say that I could never see myself having a relationship with a man.

I don't think there's any real label for that. Some would say it's "bisexual", but others would argue that "bisexual" is when you are attracted to both women and men equally. Labels are terribly confusing.

I know that you want to know "what you are." I hear you, really, I do. But I agree with the others who have replied here and said that there's no need to "nail everything down."

It's okay to not know.

Sorry for the novel, I tend to go off on these little tangents about "back in the day" and all of this. I hope I was at least remotely helpful.

[EndlessDestiny]

Well, I just had a conversation with one of my online friends and it put my life in perspective. We had this....interesting conversation (if anyone's really desperate to know what it was you can ask me), but looking at what I said/typed, it made me realize that there is no way I'm straight. Whether or not I'm bi or lesbian I don't know, but I'm sure that I like girls.


I kept expecting to feel all different. I know you can't 'feel' gay. I know that I'm still me, but still...


And now I'm all scared I'll loose this sureness I have. Like I'll wake up and it'll be gone.

And I know I need to tell my mom. This whole thing has ruined my relationship with her. I'm just too scared.

Advice?

[Candleshoe]

Hi there,

I'm not sure if I am qualified to give advice, but I'll give it a go, and see what kind of stuff I come up with!

"Sureness" is a tough one! I'm not sure that anyone is ever sure of anything in life - I know that I wonder whether I've made the right decisions all the time, about work, life, love and all the rest! At the end of the day, the thing that works for me is to take little steps, then if I go off course, I'm not too far off!

I'm not sure that everyone is always sure that they are gay - or straight - or any of the shades of grey in between - but I guess the trick is to go with the flow, and make decisions based on the information that you have at the time. So if you know that you are attracted to someone, you can choose whether to act on it. We don't always know what that means (and we don't always need to know what it means) - we just know who we like!

Telling your mom is a tough one too! If you reckon that your relationship with her is being harmed at the moment, then it might be that talking to her could only make things better between you than they are right now?

Just my ramblings for your consideration, so I'll wander off now..

Take care,

Candleshoe

[EndlessDestiny]

Well, I talked to my mom earlier. I ended up saying "I think I'm bi"

She said that bi's are disgusting and that they can never live happily with just one person and that if I am bi I should not have kids cus it would confuse them.

Well, I'll just have to have plenty of money for my future kids' therapy

She says that I'm just confused and I've only met strong female personalities and I'm afraid to like a guy and I don't know how to talk to them. Well, personally, I've never cared whether or not I have guy friends. If I do fine, but if I don't oh well.

I told her I'd see a shrink if it made her happy. Part of me wants to though. I need to talk to someone, and she's too biased she says she's not. but her reaction disagrees.

[Candleshoe]

Darn it - I so hoped she would still be taking the "I'll love you, no matter what" line. I guess this sort of thing confuses people who aren't used to it though, and I guess she is worried that you might end up unhappy. Can I just say that your mum is entitled to her opinion, obviously, but at the end of the day, I don't think bi's are "disgusting" and I hope a lot of people here would agree.

I do hope my advice didn't make things worse .

Talking to someone professional can help you sort stuff out (in my experience) so if you feel comfortable with that, it is certainly something to consider.

I'm not really the huggy type, but if you're not cross with me, please consider one hand warmly shaken and the other shoulder awkwardly one-armed-hugged.

Candleshoe

[maudmac]

Gosh. That sounds rough. I'm sorry.

I agree with Candleshoe - your mom is definitely entitled to her opinion, but it's just that, an opinion. And pretty much all of us here at the Kitten would disagree with it. Obviously, I don't know your mom or anything about her beyond what you've posted in this thread, but I've known lots of people whose parents were initially disapproving, but eventually reconciled whatever their issues were and reached a point where they could at least accept their children, even if they still didn't really understand the whole queer thing. I hope things will go that way with your family.

I do think that talking to a trained professional can be extremely helpful, so if you have an opportunity to do that, I think you should seriously consider taking advantage of it. Sometimes just getting it off your chest does wonders. I hope it won't be difficult to find someone who's impartial.

I wish you the best.

[EndlessDestiny]

Everything just really sucks right now. I'm constantly getting yelled at and my mom keeps nagging me about prom and getting a boyfriend.

My dad and I were at my grandma's this weekend. My grandma and my mom were talking on the phone, and they were talking about me. My mom said that she couldn't believe she'd raised a child like me and that all her kids were screwed up and should be sterilized. It felt almost like that last bit was directed more towards me.

And at some point she'd told my grandma about me! My grandma said that whatever I am I am, but hopefully I'll choose to be like them.

My grandma seemed to be taking the whole thing better than my mom. The whole conversation hurt though, a lot. My grandma was literally sitting right next to me when she was talking to my mom, and it was a speaker phone.

It took so much strength not to burst into tears there and I couldn't eat the rest of the night. I've been angry and miserable all weekend and just feel like crying.

I keep telling myself that I've confused myself by watching and reading so much girl x girl things.

And my mom's angry at me because I'm moody and a "nasty son of a bitch" and that I "don't confide in her".

This is all just getting so bad and all I do is snap at people and cry when I'm alone.

[SithLordWiccan]

My dad and I were at my grandma's this weekend. My grandma and my mom were talking on the phone, and they were talking about me. My mom said that she couldn't believe she'd raised a child like me and that all her kids were screwed up and should be sterilized. It felt almost like that last bit was directed more towards me.

And at some point she'd told my grandma about me! My grandma said that whatever I am I am, but hopefully I'll choose to be like them.

My grandma seemed to be taking the whole thing better than my mom. The whole conversation hurt though, a lot. My grandma was literally sitting right next to me when she was talking to my mom, and it was a speaker phone.

Wow. I...er...wow. I honestly don't know what I can say. Well, I do know what I can say, but it's not something that's likely to make your situation better, so all I can say is that I can offer an ear if you want it.

[EndlessDestiny]

Today my mom made me go for contacts...again (didn't get them though)



The ride with my mom...the ride home was okay. The ride up...lots of yelling. I'm making her miserable and I'm nasty and I don't care about anyone but myself. She mentioned the sexuality thing a bit and said that she hopes that when I get to college but social with 'normal' people. That one really hurt. She says I don't care about her and I'm nasty and selfish and don't care if I hurt her feelings and that I'll be happy when she's dead and that I'm going to go crazy one day and she should just have me commited. She says that when I move out they're gonna pack my room up and when I come home to visit I'll stay in the basement. And we were yelling and then she wacked me on the arm. She says I'm disdrespectful and nasty to everyone.

[SithLordWiccan]

The ride with my mom...the ride home was okay. The ride up...lots of yelling. I'm making her miserable and I'm nasty and I don't care about anyone but myself. She mentioned the sexuality thing a bit and said that she hopes that when I get to college but social with 'normal' people. That one really hurt. She says I don't care about her and I'm nasty and selfish and don't care if I hurt her feelings and that I'll be happy when she's dead and that I'm going to go crazy one day and she should just have me commited. She says that when I move out they're gonna pack my room up and when I come home to visit I'll stay in the basement. And we were yelling and then she wacked me on the arm. She says I'm disdrespectful and nasty to everyone.

OK, I would have liked to believe that this was something that would just blow over, but apparently its become something else completly. Is there anyone that you can talk to?

(I'm free if you want to. Just shoot me a PM. Though I'm willing to help, I'm no substitute for someone who can actually help.)

[Emms]

That's some really sound advice, Irene.

xoxo
Emms

[SithLordWiccan]

That's some really sound advice, Irene.

It really is.

[EndlessDestiny]

I'm so freaking out right now. I called and talked to my brother earlier and he told me that he'd been in my room and that he'd found Firestarter (movie) and I asked him if he'd been digging through my room and he said no, that since my dad was putting my stuff into totes, he was looking through the totes for movies to watch. The thing is, I put a bunch of books and movies about lesbians into a tote and wasn't able to keep it with me at college. I put some innocent stuff on top of the other stuff, but now I'm terrified that my brother's gonna find the tote and look through it and then likely go to my parents and there's nothing I can do!

[Thianne]

i don't have a lot of time right now....but sweetie, just stay calm. talk with your brother, if you think that can help. and whenever you can, take all that stuff to your grandma's house, since she seems more understanding.

you know, i'm 17 too, but my mom has been very accepting with me. however, even her sometimes, for other problems or disagreements, tries to use the "you are selfish, don't care about me, want to see me dead" card.

personally, i don't like when people try to influence me, and i call it reverse psychology....or guilt trip. you are your own person, you don't have to do what your mom wants you to.....not when it makes you hurt and suffer cause you can't be yourself. try to explain to her that being gay, or bi, or straight, is not a choice. the only choice we can ever make is to live a lie or not.

if she can't accept that....my advice is just to stop talking to her about this. when she starts on the topic, avoid it. maybe say you're tired, or you don't feel like talking, or whatever. if she says something, ignore her. you are still trying to find your role and your place in all of this. my advice is, find it with the help of open and accepting people. when you're sure about what you want, who you want (yes, i know you said you like girls, but maybe you should aso maybe wait to date one), when you're sure that you can stand your ground without feeling small in front of your mom, than talk to her. from woman to woman. daughter to mother, yes, but you won't be a child talking to an adult anymore.

i'm sorry, but this is the only advice i can give you.

i hope everything goes well, and if you need someone to talk to, just send me a PM.

lots of hugs

[kivrin]

so, what happened with it? you talked to your brother?
i hope everything went right.
look i agree with that about avoiding the topic. I've done it for a considerable time now and I'll provably still do it for some time. my parents know that I'm kinda gay or in fact what people would call bi, though i don't feel like using it as a label because I don't think its a good name to explain my situation.
and even knowing it we all preffere to skip the topic, I guess because they want me to realize I'm confused and I don't need/want it to be talked.
if you think that explaining it is too difficult i guess you should just let the time tell. I mean that your parents must see that it isn't a mistake and finally they'll have to admit that you are like this, you ever were. on the other hand if it's just a confusion, (it happens, i could be confused too.) you'll just see it in some time. whatever happens it's not something that could kill you, i know it means lots of anguish hours hurting yourself...but at the end who you sleep with or not it's only about you.

I think you aren't a child too (mostly 'cause i'm 17 and well...I would like to think I'm not.) and soon or later youll be on your way and you could talk to your mother woman to woman. i think it is the best.

so this is it. considere let a little mor time pass and focus on what you want, what you need, what makes you happy...and if she even cames up with the topic and ,after lots of thinking you feel sure enough, tell her definitely, sure and maturely. just try to be serious. and don't try to say what you are....tell her what you feel.

[EndlessDestiny]

I came up with a solution to my problem. I told my dad that I didn't like my brother going through my things and that in the past he'd go in and take things without telling me and that since I'm not home I have no way of keeping track of what he has. So I suggested that my dad fill a box with movies my brother would want to watch and keep it in the living room. At least this way I don't have to worry about my brother finding my stuff.

[EndlessDestiny]

My mom's been uber obssessive about me getting a boyfriend lately. She has to ask me about every guy friend I have, if I like him, if I think he likes me. She says that it gets harder after college to meet someone. I'm only in my first year, even if that's true, I have plenty of time, except that she's making me feel so rushed to meet someone. I know I'm not straight, but I'm still hanging between gay and bi. Sometimes I think that she think that she believes me getting a boyfriend would prove I'm straight or that I can't be happy and successful without a guy. The other night she got my sister, who's nine, involved in the boyfriend discussion. She suggested I marry Max and my mom told her that he liked boys. Her reaction was 'gross' and 'can't you make him like girls'. It made me feel kinda sad that she thinks of homosexuality that way. At least my mom told her that it's something that can't be changed and that they're born that way. Thankfully she doesn't seem to believe it's a choice.

It seems that almost everyone wants me to meet a guy. My family, family's friends, relatives, some of my friends (one who knows about my whole sexuality thing). I almost went out with a guy to make my mom happy. I got one of my friends to set me up on a date with one of her friends. In the end, I told her that I really didn't want to do it.

The truth is that I'd prefer to meet a girl. My family would never like that though. It would embarrass them and disappoint my mom. I've decided not to say anything unless I ever get involved with a girl. It's also kind of hard accepting myself and getting used to the idea of being not straight.

[JustSkipIt]

EndlessDestiny - Wow. That is really hard. I mean whether you like guys, girls, or both, I can't believe that your family is pushing you so hard to be in a relationship. Not that I don't believe you but that's really wierd. Does your mom understand that you're happy and that when you meet someone you'll meet someone? Maybe that would help or maybe you just want to start ignoring her. I mean, not mean, just not paying attention to the way she's telling you to live your life.

[EndlessDestiny]

I've tried ignoring her, but the words are still there and she's still saying them, and sometimes I just feel so alone.

[summer fairy]

Well my mum was like that. Not about mey sexuality as I just don't talk to her about that and it works best that way, she knows I like women and men, never told her she just knows and we both choose not to talk about it. Anyway I actually just had enough one day and moved out and didn't speak to her for 2 years and now were closer than we have ever been, she still annoys me but we are better now we have are own space. Not saying thats the answer but maybe if you spent a few days/weeks with another relative/friend so you and your mum can try to figure things out?

[dlline]

Hey!

I'm so sorry that this issue is proving so difficult for you and your mom. I know it's really scary, but the thing you need to keep in mind is that, while you will be able to get past this, your relationship will never be what it once was. The biggest issue here is that regardless of sexuality, the relationship of the mother and the daughter is supposed to change, and I think because there is this huge bi/lesbian elephant in the room, you are both a little panicked. Relationships change.... that's the facts of life. You are becoming an adult and your mom is scared. I went through the same thing, only it was over 20 years ago. I came out to my mom when I was 23, she told me that she already knew (or at least suspected), and she was great. Over time, those feelings have changed until now (I'm 46) when I have finally accepted that my mom doesn't want to think about me in a relationship with anyone. She questions me about my partner, I ask her if she really wants to know, then I answer or don't answer based on how she answers my question.

Is this the relationship I pictured between an elderly mother and her middle-aged daughter? No, not really, but it is what we've made. I love and respect her more than anyone else, and I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to accept her discomfort. I know it's somewhat generational. My partner is not even out to her parents. Does this distress me? Absolutely, but it's also what works for them.

I also find myself wondering about your mother. I have to assume that she is close to my age so I will chime in and say that I understand her generational conflict. When we were growing up, there were no gay images, except for the whole evil/dead lesbian thing (and we here all know about that one!), and the predatory gay man that hung around the playground looking for conquests. If I had had a positive image of some kind (your mom too), maybe I would have recognized the mad crush I had on a girl when I was 14 years old, and maybe spared everyone some pain. Or maybe not.... it's impossible to know. This was just not an issue to those of us of the disco generation. Gays and lesbians were something that happened in New York and LA, kinda like bohemians and hookers. Certainly not in suburban Cincinnati, Ohio.

Finally, if at all possible, you should try to back off a little. I know she's pushing, but maybe you need to ask her what she wants, and through that make her realize that you do know what you want, which is not to be pressured while you figure that out for yourself. It sounds to me like you are both in a pattern of habits that inevitably leads to heightened emotions and hurt feelings. Try to stay calm, give her something else to react to, and she'll have no choice but to react to the new information. And keep talking to us. We're all here for you.

Diane

[summer fairy]

Ok, I appologise in advance as I know this is someone else's adivice thread and I thought it would be better saying it in here so that there is no other advice topic. Anyway back to what I wanted to say.

Okay, this is rather complicated, well to me anyway! I use to work with this girl and at the time I was so not attracted to her in anyway at all. Recently we have started talking again and even though at first I didn't feel anything I think I am starting to get feelings for her, but I'm not at all sure I am, not to sound a bitch but she is sooooo not my type and she does annoy me at times so I am just really confused about what my feelings for her are. I'm pritty sure she is gay/bi so thats not whats bothering me. Like today I asked her round and I spent ALL day making the flat spotlas! (something I don't do for everybody!) then when she canceled I was really dissapointed, I sometimes think I might have feelings for her but I don't want feelings for her if you get what I mean? I told you this was complicated!

[EndlessDestiny]

My mom's been getting back on my case lately for not dating. I was talking to her on the phone a few days ago and telling her about how stupid one of my friends was being (he's decided once again to stop being friends with the group, this time because he thinks it's best for 'the group' (his girlfriend broke up with him badly and now he hates her) and he doesn't want to 'annoy and burden' the group bu making them choose who to hang out with: him or her). So I was telling my mom about that and then she starts asking when I'm gonna start dating. She says I need to put myself out there or I'm gonna end up all alone. I asked my dad why it was such a big deal, not dating I mean, and he says most people have been on a date by the time they're my age. It makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me. At some point my mom'll probably just find me someone to date. I can't please her any way. Apparently I always inconvenience other people. I told her that's not true, I don't always inconvenience others and then she says how she always put me and my siblings first. It's not like I asked her to! She could have done her own thing, she chose to inconvenience herself.

I feel I can't talk to her, or any of my family. I certainly can't tell her that I was asked out (by the friend I spoke about above actually) and that I turned him down. I have good reasons for it but she'd probably tel me that I'm being too picky and that it's not like that many people are interested in me, I'm afraid to hang out with her. We used have mother-daughter days where we'd go to the mall and the movies and get dinner together. It was fun but for the past few years I haven't been able to because I'm afraid that if I go she'll try to talk about things I have no desire to talk about. I can't tell her to stop because then she'll ask why. And now I have to deal with her in person for the summer.

[EndlessDestiny]

My parents don't like my grades, which aren't too bad. They say I'll never be accepted as a psych major and I'm wasting money and I should go to a school near home. It's fine if my sister writes a book about someone who changes gender, but it's not okay for me to know people like that and be friends with gay people. And my mom keeps saying that I'll end up at weightwatchers. I can't do anything right. They'll never be proud of me.