Letters to the Universe

[Emms]

This thread is all about letters (or notes). Is there something that makes you angry, or sad, or happy or grateful and you wish you could write that something or someone a letter? Yes? Then you can. Right here in this very thread.

Or maybe you just want to put your thoughts out there in a letter to nothing specifically. Maybe you just want to toss a letter into the universe and watch it drift away.

There are only three things to keep in mind.

1. Don't use any names. It's okay to address a letter to "Lady at the grocery store that cut in front of me" but it's not okay to, like, address a letter to "Trish" or "Larry"

2. Your letter does not have to be addressed to someone it can be addressed to something too, existing or non-existing. Maybe you want to write a letter to something you wish did exist but doesn't?

3. Please don't post about anyone you know from this board.



I'll start things off with a post I made yesterday in another thread, 'cos well, it should have gone here, and it would have, too, had this thread existed when I originally posted it.


Dear Resident, and Newspaper Subscriber,

I wrote a letter to Mother Earth last Sunday, on your behalf, asking her to stop the wind from blowing.

In this letter, I expressed to her your need to not have your newspaper blown all over your porch.

Her response? She suggested that probably you should get a box just like everyone else who is inconvenienced by the nature of wind.

Sincerely,

The paper girl.

[Emms]

Dear Resident and Newspaper Subscriber,

It warms my heart to know that you will complain even on a day reserved specifically for giving thanks.

PS. I hate you.

Sincerely,

the paper girl

[diamondforever]

Dear Roommate,

Just because I like my kitchen neat doesn't mean that you don't have to do your dishes. You're an adult and should know that each of us has a fair share of work. You haven't cleaned up after yourself from the very beginning, and you leave your food rotting in the fridge, on the counter, and in the sink. Your idea of recycling is to throw it in the pantry under the sink, and you don't care if the bin is overflowing. Your drunken friends come around at 3 in the morning and shout loudly about the mundane events that are going on in their lives.

Next year, you'll have to grow up. Although, for my sanity, and your bodily health, I hope you start doing so this year.

Heartz,
df

[Emms]

Dear Mr. Loss Prevention Manager

I heart you. I really do.

I went into that meeting today all, "I don't know what the five S's are... Sales... no... safety THEN sales... um... shoppers? did I already say safety?"

And then you were all with your awesomeness... and now I feel like... You know that movie The Astronauts Wife where the husband goes out into space and then he comes back a changed man (changed because he's a space alien, but that's beside the point because I don't think you erased my brain or anything)? Well, it's kinda like that. And now I'm all "Down with the shoplifters!" and "I can spot a fake 20 from really far away!"

so thank you.

sincerely,

Emms

[woahnellie]

Dear Mr. Internet Service Provider,
Thank you for continuing giving me the run around. I have spoken with you 3 times this week and you keep asking me to do the same thing over and over. And then I fix the freakin problem myself. Maybe you should give me your paycheck.
Sincerely,
a pissed off customer

[Leaf]

Dear Kitties,

You guys know I love you to bits. Truly I do. You are the best little furry monsters I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. But I have to ask you something. Why oh why do you always wait until I've just sat down at the computer to go drop your stinkbombs? It's a small apartment, and if there was anywhere else to put the litterbox I would do it in a heartbeat. But there really isn't. Now I understand that when you've gotta go, you've gotta go, but the regularity of this pattern leads me to wonder if perhaps your timing isn't just a bit intentional. Please submit your terms of negotiation.

Sincere thanks for your time,
The Chick Who Feeds You

[Thianne]

oh man, thank you universe. and don't scare me like that again!

[Willowtree252]

Dear squrriel please stay away from the road I hate it when you scare me. I dont want to be the cause of your pain but if you run out in front of me I will be force to run over you cause the kids safety come first. I beg you little one stay away from my bus or you will make me cry.

sincerely yours a big nut

[woahnellie]

Dear Roommate,
Don't think I didn't hear you talking about giving the couch back and added I was the one that always sits on it and now it sinks in. At least it's comfy now. Well why the hell do we even have the couch if no one was going to sit on it in the first place. So I will sit on it until u give it away.
Sincerely,
Your pissed off roommate who wishes to live by herself.

[mangled_monkey]

Dear Man who shall remain nameless,

Just because you think I'm supposed to clean up the computer desk doesn't mean I know you think that. If I'm expected to clean something, fine, but TELL ME WHAT IT IS!!! Most of that shit wasn't mine anyway, so I feel no guilt or shame for the fact that you got so pissy that you cleaned it yourself.

Sincerely,
The baby.


Dear Sex Teacher,

Thank you for letting me gripe about the man who shall remain nameless and his wife. You have done more for me than anyone else has ever, and it made me cry when I found out your partner is in the hospital. I wish I could give you one ounce of what you've given me. I really do. Thank you for always being there for me, even when you had your own things going on. I hope to hear good news when I see you tomorrow, and I hope your partner gets better quickly.

Sincerely,
Your faithful student.

[writerfreak]

Dear Universe,

I would just to say thank you so much for fucking with my life. It's just wonderful how you continually break my heart and shatter me and then expect things to just be great. You stole Addie from me, and I didn't have a choice in the matter, but now you do this. God throw the bitch in my face a little more why don't you? The love of my entire life has a new woman and all you can do is see fit to rub it in and shove it in my face? What did I do to deserve this? Did I somehow karmically mess with any balance? Did I try to destroy you? I don't think so. All I try to do is live my life the best way possible and help as many people as I can along the way. So what the fuck have I done to get this in return? Please, here on out, leave me alone. I am tired of being a pawn in this stupid little game. Take me off of your peoples lives to mess up list.

writerfreak

[Willowtree252]

Dear Universe,

I would just to say thank you so much for fucking with my life. It's just wonderful how you continually break my heart and shatter me and then expect things to just be great. You stole Addie from me, and I didn't have a choice in the matter, but now you do this. God throw the bitch in my face a little more why don't you? The love of my entire life has a new woman and all you can do is see fit to rub it in and shove it in my face? What did I do to deserve this? Did I somehow karmically mess with any balance? Did I try to destroy you? I don't think so. All I try to do is live my life the best way possible and help as many people as I can along the way. So what the fuck have I done to get this in return? Please, here on out, leave me alone. I am tired of being a pawn in this stupid little game. Take me off of your peoples lives to mess up list.

writerfreak flower

Bravo Kenny couldent have said it better myself dido from me karma this to is my last post but I on the other hand don't want to go think. You have what you wish.

[mangled_monkey]

Dear Professor,

I promise I wasn't stalking you, despite any appearances to the contrary. I really was just waiting for my friend. Ten feet from your car. Which I knew was your car. Suspicious, I know, but that's what happened. I honestly thought you had left for the day and did not realize it was your car until you came outside. I know I probably won't get the chance to actually tell you this, but please somehow receive the information so there's one less person you find creepy!!

Sincerely, The girl who WASN'T stalking you.

[db]

Dear Kind Hearted Friend.

Why would you set me up on a blind date with your ex and not tell me she's (a) your ex and (b) not over you? She was nice, and I am glad you are still friends and stuff, but finding that out made for a bit of awkwardness that I could have gone without.

Thanks n' stuff?

Your (still) single friend

[JustSkipIt]

Dear Diaper Service people,
Seriously. I don't know else to contact you. I need to start diaper service like very soon. I honestly believe there aren't that many things you need for a new baby: blankets, clothes, and some diapers. The baby will breast feed so we're covered there. Heck, we have a crib which we'll never use and a new camera and tons of other stuff. But we'd really like some diapers. Please call us back.

Deb

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear Stranger,
There's so much I want to ask you, so much I want to know. Yet how do you ask about the life of a person you've never met? I don't even know why I'm so damn curious, but I can't stop thinking about you. I want to know how it all happened, to know the deeper meaning behing the far-too-short words you give. You say people can ask you questions, but I'm not sure if I can; wouldn't it be imposing? Yet if I merely observe, doesn't that make me like a stalker? I don't want to seem like a stalker, I just want to know about you. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to learn more
~Semi-Casual Observer

[writerfreak]

Dear Bitch Who Now Has My Everything,
I'm glad you now see fit to talk shit about me behind my back, thats just fucking wonderful. I'm also glad that you try to control her and tell her that she can't talk to me and/or be friends with me. All you are doing is digging your own grave. That is one strong minded woman and she won't let you have that control for long. Oh, and yes, I meant what I said that day at the hospital. 100% meant it. So don't hurt her, because you won't want to see the words come true.

writerfreak

P.S. I was so nice to you, but just so you know, I REALLY hate you.

[Emms]

Dear resident newspaper subscriber,

What's that? You say that you want your paper to be placed perpendicular to that stupid little lawn gnome and parallel (but not on) your mat?

Well... I think you're over thinking things just a little, so how about we do this: I'll put your newspaper on your porch (and not up your ass) and you keep your mouth shut. Work for you? Good.

Sincerely,

the paper girl.

PS. You're a douche bag.

[writerfreak]

Dear Roommate,
Guess what, I fucking hate you. And by the way drugs are fucking stupid and all you do is hurt your kids more by taking so many pills you pass out. You want to criticize me for who my girlfriend is, look at who you're dating and what you're doing with your life, turn it around a bit, and then you can judge me. Start with actually getting a job. Do something with yourself.

writerfreak

P.S. And by the way, I'm glad you saw fit to tell your daughter that I stole her change when you are the one who used it to buy those pills yesterday. Yes, thank you for making me the bad guy.

[maudmac]

Dear Bottle of Rum,

I like you and Coke a lot. Good times.

Dear Drama Queens,

Stop it. Just stop it. Grow up and stop it. Failing that, go away. Out of my life and far, far away from me. Okay? Thanks. We will all be happier.

Dear Wonderful Adorable Woman Who Doesn't Think I'm Awesome,

Fuck you. Go to hell you fucking adorable wonderful sweet funny smart woman. What the hell is wrong with you that you aren't dropping everything to be with me? Who in their right mind wouldn't want what I have to offer? Only a fool, only a fool. Goddammit!

Dear Friends Who Flake,

Fuck you. I wanted you to save me and you failed me. You're so precious, I know. Too precious to be bothered. Fuck you.

Dear Kittens,

Y'all are great.

[Emms]

Dear Universe,

I really hope you've got a plan, 'cos right now it seems like things are simply drifting around aimlessly, and I'm having a hard time dealing with that. I'm so ready to move on to the next level, but I've no idea what that is or how to get there. I need a sign that things are not just random and that I'm not just wasting my time with all this. I need to know that there is something more to me than this rut I've dug myself into.

sincerely,

Emmy

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Dear Universe,
In case you haven't been paying attention, I'm ready for my life to start. I know I should be enjoying my last months with my childhood friends, but I can't; I want more. I'm ready to be a mother and a doctor; ready to have a child, a partner, a practice. I know the road is long before me, and it will be many years till I achieve all I want, but can't I at least get started? It seems like these last 6 months of high school are merely a waiting game, and while I love my friends and will be sad to part with them, I'm ready to move on. So if you feel like granting any wishes today, please give me something to make these next months worth it all.

[Candleshoe]

Dear Universe,

Thank you.

Sometimes I wondered if it was all worth it, if I was running hard just to stay still. Sometimes I wondered if I was destined to stay single and strong and independant all my life.

And then it changed.

My world was turned upside-down, shaken and set back on it's axis again. Everything was the same, but different. I am still strong and independant, but my life has a little sprinkling of magic and sparkle and wit and charm and goodness.

So thank you again.

Shoey.

[mangled_monkey]

Dear Universe,

I find your plans for me to be very mysterious. Why was I chosen for this? What did I do to deserve it? And how can I act so that someone like her, only my age and gay, will be sent to me? It's ok, you don't have to answer. I'll be patient and hope someone like her ends up at the school I'm going to.

Actually, I'd prefer if you'd send me someone like me. Not the me I am now, but the me I will be when I get there. The me I see in my future who's every bit as awesome as her. Please?

~The girl with a future

[littlewicca]

Dear friend:

I just wanted to let you know, that im tired of saying that I dont care who is at the bar, I only care about who I go with.

It seems you only want to go there so people can see you are arround or, to see some cool people, well I wonder why you dont invite those cool people to be with you when you need them or just to hang, as friends.

I bet that is because they dont want to be your friends! they are not good people, just walking bodies who care about what the other think about them!

But miss friend you know that and you always had, and then you go hurt again for those kind of men and you go again to them and you let the friends by their own, and they dont matter for just a second of pleasure a kiss of the prince.

Well I just have to make you know, your tittle as friend is going to be changed if you dont do something soon.

a shame really,

Aggie

[Leaf]

Dear Universe,

Thank you for the parking spot. Really. That rocked.

-Leaf

[mangled_monkey]

Dear sister's best friend,



Stop thinking you know me just because you've known my sister and been around me since I was 7. That doesn't mean you know me, that means you know what you want to believe about me. I am sick and tired of you looking at me that way every time I even JOKE about being gay since I was a child. I know your views on it, and you know mine. You should know enough psychology to understand that my "boy craziness" as an early teenager were really just denial and fear manifesting in trying to be normal.

Stop f**king judging me and grow the hell up. You're 26, for chrissake.

And yes, that was intentional because you're Catholic. Since you won't be reading this, I might as well be as offensive as possible.

Whore.

Sincerely,
Your favorite little sister that you never wanted.

[woahnellie]

Dear Annoying Roommate and her boyfriend,
I know you pay rent and pay the bills. But unfortunately your boyfriend doesn't. He has his own place would it hurt for you and him to stay there once in awhile. Well shit he doesn't even have any roommates so you can have louder sex. I just don't understand your reasoning. Just please stay at his place at least 2 nights a week and leave me the fuck alone. Plus I really don't enjoy putting the toilet seat down everytime i go to the bathroom.
Sincerely,
Your pissed off and very very grumpy roomie

[Boschi]

Dear University Press Officer,

From what school of idiocy did you get the worthless scrap of paper you call a diploma? Don't you think it's a wee bit sad that while trying to edit the incoherent rambling you titled a "draft press release", I was so flabbergasted I could write only "WTF?" several times?

After graciously informing me that articles need to cover "what, when, where, who, how and why" (Really? Ya don't say!), you then failed utterly to answer these questions. You also failed to grasp or express what the press release is supposed to be promoting.

I appreciate you sending this to me for review. I will edit it. I will try to do so in a way that does not demonstrate how utterly incompetent I believe you to be. However, given that you have already bad mouthed my supervisor and my predecessor, I have trouble believing you will not take offense.

Thanks. Really.

- The pissed off chick known as Boschi

[woahnellie]

Dear Mr. Twelve Pack of Budlight,

I can hear you calling my name but I will not drink you. You have to realize I can only drink one night out of the week. You were getting way to expensive and I think you were becoming my best friend. And by the way you gave me a beer belly...shame on you buddy.

Sincerely,

I'm cutting back!