by DameSansMerci » Sun Nov 22, 2009 9:32 am
I'm in a relationship right now with a woman 19 years my senior, and we've been together for almost 3 years. She is 41, and I am 22. It's a difficult road, even if everything is all kisses and puppies in the beginning--a lot of the age differences don't crop up until you really start talking long-term plans and major life decisions. Additionally, in the beginning it is easy to be blind to some of those differences--you see what you want to see, and that through infatuation-tinted glasses. The only thing that can really make a relationship last that has these kinds of serious, major obstacles is a deep emotional connection and compatible personalities. There's no reason why the relationship can't be just as happy and fulfilling as you want it to be, providing that you're right for each other and strong enough to withstand the challenges it brings.
Personally, I wouldn't change a thing. My sweetie is my first love and it's been truly wonderful having someone who knows what she's looking for find that in me. Are things difficult at times? Yes, but the happiness is worth it for us. Look within yourself and really ask if you're willing to deal with both the logistical issues at hand and the social reactions that are inevitable My family is totally divided over the issue, and my sweetie is not welcome in their home...my father has never met her or spoken her name. Additionally, the town my parents live in found out and made it the subject of small-town gossip, which caused a lot of shame and embarrassment for my family. I'm neither embarrassed nor ashamed, but it did cause a lot of anger in my family.
Ultimately, only you know how strong and mature you are and what you're ready to handle in a relationship. Can you withstand the strain? Are you mature enough to step up to the plate and love your woman the way she needs to be loved at this point in her life? Would you be willing to be disappointed if things don't turn out the way you want them to?
If she feels the same way you do, then you have the start of a world of possibilities in front of you, but you need to talk honestly and openly with her about any and all concerns you have, and listen to her concerns. Explore how you both would deal with the repercussions of the relationship. Talk about what you each need and want from the relationship. Then plan on what to do to get to where you want to be. You can do it, and you can find a very precious love you never expected in the process. Good luck!
but any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.
