Author: Gabbles
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: Umm...all mine, I guess. Blame the babblynes that is my mind 24/7
Distribution: umm...this is mine...if you really wanna use it, let me know etc.
Notes: *eep* Ok, I'm nervous. This is a short little thing I wrote for no real reason. Popped into my head-please let me know how you think I could've done better/how I could've made it flow more fluently...it seems a bit..er...unflowey?...to me. The tense, or something, may seem wonky. I dunno, let me know?
ok, here it is:
Courage
“Do you have any idea just how in love with you I was in high school?”
I had been watching your family; your wife, standing under the shade of the willow tree in your backyard, your adorable five month old son in her arms. She had been watching your three year old twins run shrieking through the sprinklers water with a loving smile on her face. I’d been watching them, and watching you watch them.
Watching the contented look on your face as you took in this rare moment where everyone was smiling; there was no crying baby or grazed knees or horrible nappies or demanding spouses. Just this family bliss.
And then suddenly there was that. That comment that had ripped through my hearing and took me several minutes before I could actually acknowledged what you’d said. My head snapped over to look at you, taking in your...seemingly amused, and also slightly wistful features.
You’d laughed, “Sorry. Thoughts were racing through my head and that slipped out.”
I swallowed, looking at you with an eyebrow raised, “Really?”
It was all I could get out. How are you supposed to react when your best friend since you were sixteen tells you they were in love with you for years?
When you had come out to me in the first year of university, I hadn’t been all that shocked. After all, our high school had had rather a few ‘open’ people, and we were always hearing stories about people ‘experimenting’. You being gay had never bothered me in the slightest. It would be a bit stupid, if it had.
After all, there was that drunken kiss the two if us had shared.
I’ll always remember that well; we’d had so many people mention it to us for so long after it had happened, it was hard to forget.
We were at that party, the one our friend held every year for her birthday. Everyone was at least tipsy, though the majority was drunk. You and I had been somewhere in between.
I’d walked up to you, and you’d thrown your arms around me in a hug, like you often used to do. We’d stood with your arms around my neck and my hands resting on your hips, our foreheads resting together.
This hadn’t gained us any attention, as we were always the type of friends who were affectionate with each other. We’d stood; talking about something-our drunken ramblings hadn’t made much sense to me. Throughout our ‘conversation’, we had pecked a few times. However, I’d barely noticed we were doing it, it just seemed so natural. But then, all of a sudden, our pecks had turned into a kiss, and a kiss to making out.
It wasn’t until the guy’s horny cheers had reached our foggy brains that we’d realized what we were doing. We had broken apart and laughed it off...
And so, you coming out wasn’t a big deal. I’d accepted it, we laughed and joked and I teased you in that way that only a best friend can get away with.
But this…this declaration was a surprise.
You laughed again, “Yeah, really. I was in the whole, ‘I’m so not gay’ stage around the time we met. Then you were introduced to me and we clicked.” You grinned at me then. We’d always had comments given to us at how well the two of us ‘clicked’. We’d met and become friends instantly; surprisingly quickly to some people. “Well, I denied the whole thing to myself for a few months; I mean, come on, I was sixteen. Then I admitted I thought you were hot.” You giggled then, blushing a little, “And then I admitted to myself, ‘okay, self, you have a crush. No big deal.’ Then there was that party, and our ‘moment’…” that’s how we’d always jokingly referred to out drunken kiss, if we ever did talk about it, “And I just…well, I couldn’t deny it to myself any longer.”
I had looked at you, taking you in as you told me this. Your long brown hair was pulled loosely into a ponytail, like you know your wife, Ashleigh, liked it. Your green eyes looking at me, filled with amusement. You wore no makeup; you never really have. You never bothered with it, and I’d have to literally sit on you to make you stay still so I could do it when we went out when we were younger. I took in your long sleeved green top and knee length brown skirt, so your own style.
I noted the pride bracelet on your wrist, something I’d gotten you after you’d come out to me to show you I accepted it, that I accepted you; you’d gotten all teary when I had given that to you. And you cried when I showed you the matching one I’d bought for myself so I could show the world I accepted my best friend.
I looked at you, and I marveled at how much you still resembled the sixteen year old I had first met. The past fifteen years seemed to have only agreed with you.
I glanced from you to Tim, standing at the barbeque on the balcony, spatula held aloft. His blonde hair ruffled from not been brushed that morning, his soft brown eyes taking in the back yard. He caught my eye and blew me a kiss, waving his left hand in my direction. His wedding band, the one that matches my own, glinted in the noon sunlight.
I looked back to you, and I wandered why you didn’t look apprehensive. Hell, if it had of been me telling someone this, I’d of at least have been a little worried about how they’d react. I took me a minute, but I realized it; you’d accepted it. It had been something that you’d had years to get over, and it was now a distant memory. And you were sharing it with me; your best friend.
I smiled at you, trying to make light of the situation, “Hey, I knew I was hot, but I made you gay? Go me!”
I’d laughed as you’d thrown a piece of popcorn at me.
“Did I shock you?” You’d asked with a grin.
I smiled, “Not really. After everything you and I have gotten up to, do you really think there’s much you could say to me that would shock me?” I’d winked playfully at you.
You’d smiled, “Highly doubtful…” your look had turned pensive then, “You were bloody hard to get over, though.”
You’d looked sharply to where your wife was situated as your son had started to cry, mothers instinct so prominent in you.
“Sorry to cut and run, but Ashleigh was up with Owen all last night, so I wanna go take him off her hands for awhile.” I’d grinned a secret grin at you as you’d gotten up then, knowing you hated it when people did that to you, “What!?”
“You.” I’d stated. You had given me a quizzical look so I’d elaborated, “You’re so domestic; all growed up!”
I’d laughed again as you’d thrown some more popcorn at me, and then watched as you had walked over to your wife, kissing her before taking Owen.
My smile had faded as I took in what you’d just told me. I looked again over to Tim, happily flipping burger patties at the barbeque.
I had looked down at my wedding band, twisting it around my finger as I still often do. I then looked back up at you, but you hadn’t noticed. I’d smiled softly again, watching as you had bounced Owen gently on your hip, trying to calm the baby down.
Years and years worth of memories of our friendship had flashed past my eyes in that moment. My introduction to you; the parties we so loved to frequent together; our drama performances, mainly the excerpt of Othello you’d insisted we perform together; high school graduation; our excited screaming when we’d found out we had gotten into the same university; our uni lives, living it up together when we should have been studying; the day you’d hesitantly introduced your first girlfriend to me; the day I introduced Tim to you; the double dates we’d all gone on; your wedding to Ashleigh, and mine to Tim; your excited babbling on the phone when the twins had been born; my pride when you named one of them after me.
I know my face must have looked wistful, as something broke through which I had never let show before. I’d felt my heart clench tightly in my chest as only one thought suddenly stuck out in my mind.
If only I had courage when I’d first met you; if only I had of told you how I felt all those years ago.
End
I’m a vegetarian and have been for 11 years. I eat when I’m hungry. And if I want desert, I’ll have frickin’ dessert!" -Amber
Amen to that!
. I'm glad you liked...
at: 4/13/05 7:28 pm
no worries, i only say the things i say because they're true, there's just something about the way you write, i always connect with it. Maybe coz we're both aussies hey? 
but then i was like 'woah.. ease up there turbo! what if she's having a life crisis or somethin?!?!!' 
so i didnt lol. BUT! lemme officially start this off by saying:
is there sum chick out there who spent the summer with my similarly named twin?! 
<---me Bella/Belle...wow, that name just entered my head. Thats cool! lol. Thanks so much again...I'll try write some more soon...I'm actually working on a novel type thing at the moment...hopefully that'll come together.
Thanks!