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Poem

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Poem

Postby Dorothy » Sat Sep 20, 2008 12:20 pm

yeah, I planned some homewok for English...
Got distracted and then this poem sudenly came outta nothing, I wanna know how you people think it turned out:

A face like the blank leaf of a white lily
It's soft curves suitable to be water painted by any emotion
Subtle, but in all it's beauty touching whoever looks upon it

The tenderness of her voice captures the ear like a nightingale in spring
Not only the sound, but also the phrases that she speaks
Make listeners addicted to every vowel sound she produces

Not many do I know able to not only use such talents
But also to employ them for what they think good
The opportunity that comes with stardom

Close to a responsibility even
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
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11. Fish in the Bowl
 
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Re: Poem

Postby CrazyTaraWitch » Sun Sep 21, 2008 8:00 pm

I love the imagery in this, but to be honest I feel like the ending is a little abrupt, lacks the finesse of the rest of the poem. I really like the second line, it's beautiful.
"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas
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Re: Poem

Postby Dorothy » Sun Sep 21, 2008 10:53 pm

yeah the ending... there was 2 more lines, just didn't post them, LoL felt like they were rather functional than poetic. It's a poem I plan to use as a written speach someday. (written because my stutter would probably ruin te poetic nature of the text)

Still looking to broaden my English vocabulary, the size of it limits my creativity. (anyone got a synonym for "employ"? (A) I don't like using it twice in the same poem)
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
(O.o )
(> < ) This Is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination. (it must be bunnieeees!)
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Dorothy
11. Fish in the Bowl
 
Posts: 1467
Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 1:55 am


Re: Poem

Postby SJ » Tue Sep 23, 2008 1:37 am

Great poem.
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