Lyrics...and I really need an opinion or two..

[LeBuffster]

I wrote a song a while ago and I definitely need to know if it's ok. A friend of mine has a punk band and he asked me to write for him cause they need some fresh new lyrics and I want some opinions before I show him the result sooo.... please be honest, i can handle it



Closed Eyes



This is gonna be my song

About a girl like any other one

About a love that’s truly hopeless

So here it goes:



Why is it that everybody’s happy when I am sad

For real now, I haven’t been this bad

But I have this thing stuck in my head

Love for someone who doesn’t realise

She’s living in a world covered with lies



Rich, fat and a face to beat

Seems though that he’s pleasing her need

Her need to be loved

Her need to be held

Her need to be…

Her need to be…the only one who doesn’t see



Everybody knows it       

His head is full of shit

Making other people suffer just for fun

But still he is the one



What does he give her that I can’t?

Oh right, a penis instead of a hand

The old cliché lives on and on

In my life and through this song

Boy gets girl, that’s how it’s played

But life’s not a game and I can dream instead



Rich, fat and a face to beat

Seems though that he’s pleasing her need

Her need to be loved

Her need to be held

Her need to be…

Her need to be…the only one who doesn’t see



Girl, just look past the mask

I know that’s not an easy task

But someday you will see

He’s not the one… BUT ME



Rich, fat and a face to beat

Seems though that he’s pleasing her need

Her need to be loved

Her need to be held

Her need to be…

Her need to be…the only one who doesn’t see



Her need to be loved

Her need to be held

Her need to be…

Her need to be…the only one who doesn’t see



Her need to be…

Her need to be…the only one who doesn’t see





By the way, the song is about the current boyfriend of my love interest and my best friend (he really is fat and rich and absolutely evil )



&



Diane

Who am I to compare my pain to yours?
Suffering is sweet agony
Plumb - Who Am I?

[Ten10239]

I really like it. It looks like it would be one kick ass song with the right music behind it.



Leni

Check out my poems in The Inward Eye. They're not to bad!

[pacou]

Hey Diane Do you still know me?



But anyway, I LOVED those lyrics, the rhyme scheme is veeeery cool



I have to agree with Leni, the song is gonna be great, go to that band and give them those lyrics!!!! NOW



(And give us the song afterwards )



Thanks for sharing, don't be afraid, these lyrics rock!!!



-Viv-

Medicine, law, banking – these are necessary to sustain life. But poetry, romance. love, beauty? These are what we stay alive for!

[SJ]

Great lyrics

[LeBuffster]

Ten10239:

Thanks a lot Now I'm just hoping that my friend gets the music to it done fast, I'm all excited about the result!! And your poems are great, too, by the way!



pacou:

Of course I still know you and thanks veeeery much for the feedback Now I'm all flattered I'm gonna post the song as soon as it's done, promised. And I'm thinking about writing another one...



SJ:

Thanks and again...





Bye



&

Diane

Who am I to compare my pain to yours?
Suffering is sweet agony
Plumb - Who Am I?

[RedVampire]

The lyrics are great! Better than most of the songs I've heard today. What kind of music is going behind the lyrics?

[LeBuffster]

I wrote some more lyrics. the music behind this one has to be a bit more on the slower side but powerful, too, don't know it exactly. It's a lil depressing and again about the girl from the other one. Feedback would be great!



Dreaming



Every night I think of the possibility

How it could be when it’s just you and me

And every day it’s back to reality

Waking up to see

That it seems like you weren’t meant for me



But oh baby I know it would be right

I would hold you all through the night

Make you feel safe, make you feel fine

That’s how it’d be if you were mine



You showed me a glimpse of us together

Promised me that you would love me forever

Seems like you didn’t get the meaning of these words

Cause now I turn around, expecting to see you

Just a look into my eyes and you see how much it hurts



Cause baby, I know it would be right

I would hold you all through the night

Make you feel safe, make you feel fine

That’s how it’d be if you were mine



I tried to ignore it, distract myself from you

But I just needed a little thing to remind me

Of all the things we did and have been through

Deep inside I know that all this is over

But I still keep up with my happy-smile cover



But baby, I know it could be right

I would hold you all through the night

Make you feel safe, make you feel fine

That’s how it could be if you were mine



My love for you will last forever within

But you’re a price I know I can’t ever win…



But oh baby I know it would be right

I would hold you all through the night

Make you feel safe, make you feel fine

That’s how it’d be if you were mine



That’s how it’d be…



It's nothing special, I know. Thanks for reading



& oh and not to forget

Diane

Who am I to compare my pain to yours?
Suffering is sweet agony
Plumb - Who Am I?

[Karmah]

Wow that last song was great

[SJ]

Like those lyrics a lot,you should get that put to music

[pacou]

Wow Diane,



that was another great song, truly!



Like Sam said, there should really be some music behind it... soon



Thanks for posting!



-Viv-

"Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired."
Robert Frost