Hello. I've posted a new story, it's called "flashbacks" Hope you'll like it. ==============================================
hey guys, i've been writing a few stuff these past few weeks... and this was the first one i've made... so please send in a review or something.
my email is: rogueslayer747@hotmail.com
i apologize for some typo's. i did this one using notepad...
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clouds
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I look out the window and all i see is white. The clouds that we once dreamed of touching when we were young seem so near to me. I remember lying down the grass with you, making out pictures from their movement. Chuckling when one of us -- I don't remember who -- made the question how come the companies don't make cotton candies as big as them.
those were the days of innocence.
two kids running aloof in the vastness of the fields. catching butterflies with a net, chasing rabbits, riding horses. feeling the damp soil beneath our feet we were free to run anywhere we desire. hoping that one day we'll finally be able to see the faeries our old folks has so often talked about.
then the sun sets. spraying the skies with endless streaks of crimson and pink and orange. we would sit at your front porch, basking in the comfort of each other's hands in our own. holding on to the memories of the day now ended, welcoming the darkness, our only time to rest.
however when it is raining, we would simply stay in your room, up there in the attic of your house. it was never a good idea to hang there during the summer as the scorching heat finds its way through the walls and the roof. but when the clouds are dark and heavy and then comes a downpour, we'd stay there with a stack of twinkies, listening to billie holiday's 'god bless this child' on auto repeat. i remember the time when we actually had to buy another cd since we've already worn out the first one. the one that i gave you when you turned fifteen.
days passed, months, years. it is amazing how we never seem to get enough of each other's company. we saw each other grow up, witnessed our first heartbreaks -- especially that one when clyde cheated on me with catherine -- that when you heard the news you went to my house with three packs of kleenex and a gallon of ice cream. i think we messed my room up pretty badly when i decided to stick his photos at the back of my door, hitting it with darts as we ate pizza on my bed with Billie playing in the background.
then we were in college. so much have changed. we became our own persons yet the closeness we spent eversince we were crawling buddies never did. remember the time when i begged you not to dye your hair blue? yup, you didn't did you? you dyed it pink instead.
during our junior year in the university i asked you why you never had anyone. you simply shrugged and said that college boys aren't your type. when i asked what was, you just smiled.
i could never forget that smile. the reason why i still do not know. there was just something in it, something that made its way deep inside of me. making me want nothing else but to see you happy, loved. you said it yourself when we were young, 'it's hard to be alone sometimes.'
that is why i never left.
you did.
it was the year after jake and i married that i told you the news that we were having a baby. the sincerity of your tears moved me so much. the whole afternoon we stayed in the front porch of our new house in the suburbs, the wind moved freely, teasing our cheeks with the chill it brought. we were thinking of names. giggling like five year olds in the middle of the afternoon. what was it? rupert? yup, that was what jake wanted to name the baby --if it was a boy that is -- when he finally decided to bring us some tea. his brows furrowed when you said that you might as well name him george. hmmm... george... a good, solid name.
'the clouds,' you said, 'will always be there.' i was holding your hand. i never wanted to let go even though i knew that i had to. the needles left imprints on your hands. yours were always so delicate, graceful as it moved against the canvas. making the boring white come alive with strokes of blue and red and yellow. you were doing a piece when you told me what the doctor said. when you finished, a streak of gray was in the middle of the painting, like a tear.
it was an effort, hell it was a lot when you lifted your upper body from the bed to cup my cheek. your fingers were so thin, but the warmth of your hand still made me shiver like it always did during the years. it didn't seem so long though. we were only 24.
'you do know that i love you, right?' was your question as you searched my eyes. i nodded yet i couldn't look up, i was terrified that if i did i will lose the little amount of courage i brought with me. but why is it that sometimes, we betray our own selves? there was a desperate need of self-preservation on my part yet i lifted my head to meet your intense gaze. everything might have been lost, i muttered to myself, but the sparkle of your eyes said that all i had to do was close my eyes and i'll see you there. 'think of me as a cloud,' you whispered again, your voice heavy with faitgue, your breath smelled of medicine. 'clouds change shapes, they move about places, but you'll be surprised that somehow when you want them to be with you, they're just there.'
upon uttering those words, i fought to swallow the lump that has been forming in my throat ever since i entered the room with nothing else but white walls and an endless number of tubes. i wanted to tahnk you, to tell you how much you mean to me. i wanted to tell you that you were never alone and that a part of me will always belong to you. i wanted to tell you that you were loved and will stay like that for always. but when i tried, what came out was stifled sob that all i could do was to hope that my grip upon your palm already told you what i failed to express in words.
then your lips pressed into mine. it lasted for no more than a second, but it left an imprint to my heart knowing the truth of the promise that you sealed.
that night i dreamed, we were again six running in the fields. then at our high school basketball game dressed as cheerleaders complete with make up and pompoms, then it changed to that night when we had the party after our high school graduation. we were in the beach. walking hand in hand feeling the roughness of sand beneath our feet as the waves ebbed back and forth.
in reality we never did, but in my dream... in my dream we made love.
i was brought out of my reverie when jake said that the pilot just announced that we will land in fifteen minutes. can you believe it issa? my daughter, your goddaughter is going to get married! i smile at the memory of my own. the happiness of having jake as my husband and you, my best friend for the rest of my life marching in front of me as we walked down the aisle. up to now i am still a little saddened by the fact that i never got to walk ahead of you in the same manner... sans the mishap with the veil.
'mom?'
'yes honey you were saying?'
'i just said that you're weird, mother.' georgia teased as i, just like i always did, drifted into one of those faraway places only you and i ever knew about.
'i was thinking of your godmomma.' well, i was. as always.
she gave me a sad smile, but it wasn't out of pity. she simply knew how much our friendship meant to me. she knew how much i miss you it is ripping me from the insides out.
'look, georgie,' i tell her now. 'look outside... how come they don't make cotton candies as big as them clouds?'
fin
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p.s. i'll be posting other stories in this thread as well, to save space.
part of forever is better than none
Edited by: slayer747
at: 12/19/03 9:34 pm
when shinnen told me that you ae from manila.. since im new here. i was curious of your world and im in awe of your short stories. Maybe im being dramatic but i feel the sadness in your story. well.. after watching 'Lost and Delirious' and reading your clouds. sad.. thats what i thought and pity.
