Poetry

[SJ]

Great poem

[Wired vixen]

Ooooh...wow.... I agree with Reds! mmm naughty thoughts!



But it was written so well, your structure works well, and your words always flow! grrr! *huffs*



More soon?



Stace xXx

"Um...dont mean to ruin the sexcapades...but we need the chips out there. Xanders being a chip whore." -She's my always by spikeizmine87

[onyxsundrops]

Thanks Gina, SJ and Stace for the feedback.



*I didn't like this poem too much so I deleted it, sorry*

Edited by: onyxsundrops at: 11/21/04 6:26 pm

[onyxsundrops]

Texas



Thick sympathy in your curves

I grasped you across the miles

Gripping the jumpy nerves

Beneath the clothes left in piles



Vapors of steam in your voice

I reach for your phantom hand

Whispering while lips are moist

Dry is the throat clouded with sand



You’ve left for now but your smile

Travels through the wire

Lingering is your scent, available on dial

Igniting my senses with your fire



Texas is far, spread, and open for

My lips to search the lush lanes

I’ve become the invisible explorer

Of your sacred plains.

Edited by: onyxsundrops at: 11/21/04 6:27 pm

[WickedReds]

Oooo coolness there Evy... i liked thous...



-reds(gina)



Mein Banane tanzt für Schmutz

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'e the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[SJ]

Amazing writing

[barnabasvamp]

Wonderful writing. Look forward to more.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

[Miss Evanescent]

Truly lovely poetry! wow im thoroughly impressed

[onyxsundrops]

Sidewalk



Cries serenade the searching heart

Frowns envy the blistering rose

Vines stretch, pulling fears apart

Gently melting into the lush pose



Smiles shelter the jagged thorn

Suffocating colors into reason

Ridged flowers are now torn

Frost coats the gloomy season



Chance waits along the grass

Slowly treading over the cracks

Grasping the only hope it has

Piled emotions tremble on backs



Bugs weep, struggling to catch

A small glimpse from a curious eye

Weeds twist, yearning to fetch

All those dreams passing by.





Edited: Thanks for the comments, guys.

Edited by: onyxsundrops at: 11/21/04 6:49 pm

[Miss Evanescent]

I really like

Quote:

---

All those dreams passing by.

---

good stuff

[barnabasvamp]

Wonderful!



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

[Wired vixen]

Never cease to amaze do ya?!

Quote:

---

Chance waits along the grass

Slowly treading over the cracks

Grasping the only hope it has

Piled emotions tremble on backs

---

That part really stuck out to me..

Great poemness!



Stace xXx

"Um...dont mean to ruin the sexcapades...but we need the chips out there. Xanders being a chip whore." -She's my always by spikeizmine87

[Miss Evanescent]

Quote:

---

Cries serenade the searching heart

Frowns envy the blistering rose

Vines stretch, pulling fears apart

Gently melting into the lush pose

---

ooh very nice! love this part

[WickedReds]

EVY!!! new poem... hehe

Wow now i know what sidewalk feels like...or i mean feel to be it some how... ummm yeah im gonna go over here now...But always great poem... nice detials



-reds



Mein Banane tanzt für Schmutz

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'e the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[onyxsundrops]

I wrote this in five minutes so forgive the weirdness. Thanks for the feedback!



**



Garden



What say you, Serpent?

Am I to languish beneath your tongue?

We pray beneath the sheets, repent

The screams we release from our lung



I taste the fruit you hold

You coil beneath me, skilled

Lush, and sweetly bold

It is only with you, I am filled



So what say you, Serpent?

Am I under your spell?

Fooled by some rich accent

Are you the one that fell?



No, you couldn’t really be…

But if I am to burn

Your eyes are what I want to see

Before it’s your turn



So wrap me in the shining rock

New born sinners, you and I

Smile with the demons we mock

Those fuming eyes envy our sigh



I have bathed in your scent

Caught in the web, should I leave?

What say you, Serpent?

Or should I call you Eve?

[Renee85]

Wow, you wrote that in five minutes? And I don't think it's weird at all, I actually really love your newest piece. Fabulous writing in my opinion, wow. 'Lover of Me', 'Texas', and 'Sidewalk' are all lovely too, sorry I missed them and didn't leave feedback but I do think they're all great.

__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi

[Wired vixen]

"New born sinners, you and I

Smile with the demons we mock"



Amazing.... Those words really hit me!



Write more!







Stace xXx

[SJ]

Wonderful poetry

[Miss Evanescent]

I especially liked this part

Quote:

---

So wrap me in the shining rock

New born sinners, you and I

Smile with the demons we mock

Those fuming eyes envy our sigh

---

great update

Not quite broken but i'd still like to be fixed

~Me

[little miss 666]

......



wow, okay, it's three am, i'm currently functioning on 4hour sleep, and i have to be awake in 5hrs lol. Despite all of this, i still completely loved that poem. I'm going to read it again after i've had some sleep and see if i can even vaugely attempt to understand all the textures you managed to put into it in 5minutes lol.



Completely awesome stuff, you're a very gifted writer indeed.



- Bell

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[barnabasvamp]

Whew! Nice poem.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

[WickedReds]

That was a good one...

-reds



Mein Banane tanzt für Schmutz

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'e the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[onyxsundrops]

Thanks for reading!



The Broken Clock



Grandfather, your arms are outstretched

And I am waiting to fall out of love,

With her.



Ticks don’t tock like they used to,

There is no smiling greeting,

No morning song.



Minutes skate across cracked ice,

While I drown beneath it,

Frostbitten.



I was willing to take her back,

Shelter her shattering esteem,

But I could not be her savior.



Now I wait within the broken hourglass,

Wet boots sunk in the sand

While my heart drifts.



I must have been addicted,

To the precious moments,

Stolen before my eyes.



Grandfather, will you fix your arms?

Use your fingers to brush away the dust?

And let me forget her?



Time was for the privileged

And we were but beggars

Salvaging the hours that did not fit.

Edited by: onyxsundrops at: 12/5/04 8:23 pm

[Miss Evanescent]

Quote:

---

Minutes skate across cracked ice,

While I drown beneath it,

---

lovely update that part really spoke to me

Not quite broken but i'd still like to be fixed

~Me

[Black Rose]

Wow - i so did not know there was a poem section on this forum - i thought there mighta been so i looked cos i need some feedback on some of my poems part from my friends n the people on my web diary dnt comment much. Neway:



Overflowing,

My mind moving too fast

For me to comprehend.

Never slowing,

Never ending,

Images rushing through my mind,

Flashing lights,

Ideas, inspirational to me

And others.

Destruction,

Always easy,

Of myself, my mind, my body,

But never my soul,

My soul stays intact throughout,

Flowing through my work,

Emerging in bursts

To show my true personality.

"You're my always" Melzie baby!!!!!

[onyxsundrops]

Hi Black Rose, the general posting thread for poetry is here. As I understand it, anyone is able to post there. I do like your poem, though.



Yvonne

[barnabasvamp]

"The Broken Clock*

So true and well written.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

[WickedReds]

Evy!!! " the broken clock" was most excilent.. i really enjoyed it...



-reds



Mein Banane tanzt für Schmutz

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'e the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[SJ]

Great poetry

[onyxsundrops]

Hey, thanks for the feedback guys. I've been in a crappy mood lately, but this poem is pretty mild.





Ragdoll



Threads unravel, loose

Twisting around the blank face

Stitched smiles envy the excuse

Of cotton hardness, misplaced

And moldy, forced to see through

Penetrate the safety of a candy eye

The mask is planted, carved anew

Pulled so tight, it’s useless to try

To stop the bleeding button

To feel the hurt so full of loss

Dangling legs cannot run

Faster than the chasing false

Makers who have all but tainted

The dreams sown into emptiness

Over the love that has been painted

To make the tears painless

As they push through the rough fabric

Soaking into the useless life

Of lovers made of rotting stick

Destined to never know the strife

Bared under the tiny pink dress

Where the deformed body lies

Degraded, made into something less

Pushing the pain through bruised thighs

Sealed lips have all but spoken

Spilling the secrets, unable to hide

While soft fists beat the dollhouse, broken

Left to shiver in the cold outside.