Play It from the Heart- Original Fiction (completed)

[slayer obsession]

Hey!



No long extensive feed-back here... just wanted you to know that this story is quite charming and that I am enjoying it. You are doing a great job with your writing, as you have certainly captured my attention. I look forward to the continuation of this story.



Thanks for taking the time to write and share with us.

Connie

[willowsgirl]

Its been aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages since you last updated, Ive been back here every morning lookin for a new part. Me....obsessed? nah..

Im really enjoying this story,cant wait for more. Though I promise Ill try and be a bit more patient in the future.



Stacey xx

"You're the only one I'd be with til the end- When I come undone, you bring me back again- Back under the stars, back into your arms" 'Fall to pieces' by Avril

[Big Dummy]

Sorry about the long time between updates. I've been editing like crazy, trying to use some of the feedback I've received the make the story better. It's been a bit of a challenge for me to try and apply these changes, and hopefully I've done it okay. I'm talking mainly about the POV suggestions I've received. So, I've also gone back and edited part of the previous update to reflect the changes; might be a good idea to skim that, otherwise some of the stuff in this next one might seem a bit repetitive.



At any rate, here's the next part.



Play it from the Heart



Krista didn’t get to immediately sequester herself in her bedroom. She first had to run the gauntlet of parental questioning, starting with “What were the parents like?” followed by her mom’s probing questions about the layout and decoration of the house (to which she responded, “You told me it was impolite to look, so I didn’t. All I saw was the basement”) and her dad’s questions regarding the music itself. When she broached the subject of going out with the group later that evening, there was a moment when Krista thought her parents were going to say no. As soon as the words drive-in left her lips, she was aware of a reaction not unlike her own only a few minutes earlier. After some serious silent communication of a sort that parents tend to perfect, it was agreed that she could go, provided she take her father’s cell phone. Later, when alone, Janice Evans would explain to her husband, whose reticence she’d sensed and over-ruled, that it was good that Krista was trying to make friends and have a social life considering how reserved she normally was, and that they would make time to get to know the parents of her daughter’s new friends soon to quell any unease.



With a promise of being down soon for dinner (when there would be more questioning, she was sure), Krista finally escaped to the sanctuary of her room. Once she’d shut the door firmly behind her, she turned on her stereo, pressed play on her CD player, and assumed the spread-eagle on-her-back eyes-closed position that was most conducive to thinking and dreaming. There she allowed the image of Taryn Hoffa to run around in her mind in all of her rock-star beauty. She sighed deeply; this was gonna be a big one. She was by far the most beautiful girl Krista had ever seen, and she carried herself in a way that was so very…sexy. Her eyes popped open of their own accord as that word slid around in her head, and she allowed herself to test it on her lips.



“Sexy,” she whispered. It sent shivers down her spine. She’d never described anyone as sexy before, not even Diana, her first and, until this moment her most intense, crush. Her infatuation with Diana had been so emotional. She’d felt connected to her through the commonalities they’d shared. Truth be told, and Krista was a firm believer in being honest with oneself, her crush had probably been more incidental than truly based on attraction. She and Diana had grown up together; she’d loved her for what seemed like forever. She’d started to suspect that she liked girls, and had gradually grown to accept it. It had seemed like a normal progression to find herself enamored with the girl she was closest to in the world. But she’d never even daydreamed about kissing Diana, let alone anything more. In fact, none of her crushes had ever had a physical manifestation of this magnitude; no tingles or chills had ever crept up on her simply from uttering a word, or imagining a face. However, if she closed her eyes now (which she did) and imagined herself in a steamy romance-novel induced embrace with the girl almost next door (which she also did) well…there it was. Krista sat upright on her bed, exhaling loudly and producing a visible shiver at the thought. These were newer, scary emotions that she’d never experienced before. Cheap thrills from her books be damned! This was real, and the catalyst was a flesh-and-blood girl, someone she was going to be spending ample time with. A girl that she could barely keep her eyes off of during their first rehearsal. A girl whose beauty and sexiness, always apparent in the halls at school, transformed themselves into a powerful weapon when performing.



She shook her head, muttering, “Hold it together, Kris.” No matter how hard she tried to shake it off she was, she admitted, enjoying the new sensations. They made her feel awake in a way she hadn’t been before. She was almost ready to declare herself in love, but the rationalist in her knew that to be an exaggeration of the worst kind.



“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” she stated out loud to the empty room. “I’m gonna start thinking about her all the time, looking for her in the halls at school…okay, been sort’ve doing that already. But now I’m in a band with her. Holy shit, I’m in a band!” With that she threw her arms over her head, propelling her body back onto the bed in a perfect flop that landed her right back into her favorite thinking/dreaming position, overwhelmed by all the changes that had taken place in just a week. It was going to be an interesting school year. With that last thought she braced herself for dinner and the barrage of questions she was sure awaited her.

****************************

Dinner in the Hoffa household was nothing like the organized affair that Krista Evans sat down to almost every night. Organization was the exception to the rule at Hoffa Manor. Cheryl Hoffa would tell you that even if she didn’t feed her children home-cooked well-balanced meals five nights out of seven, they were still undeniably healthy, smart, attractive, and well-balanced themselves, so she must be doing something right. What was right that evening was Chinese, served in the cozy atmosphere of the family room. Taryn reclined in an armchair, one leg thrown over one of the arms. Jay sat on the floor with his head propped against the bottom of the couch where his mom was seated.



Cheryl was in the final stages of quizzing her offspring about the new addition to their “family”, because all of their close friends became like one of her own after a fashion. It wasn’t unusual for her to come home after a long day at the law office of Brigham, Hoffa, and Smythe to find a number of teenagers sprawled on the floor of the family room, lazing in and around the swimming pool, or rummaging through the fridge in search of snacks. She was known as the ‘cool mom’ in their circle of friends mainly because of her no-nonsense, straight-from-the-hip way of dealing with people, including her own children. She remembered all too well what it was like to be a teenager, and was more honest with herself than most parents about what her own teens were experiencing in this day and age. She was, however, also sharp, and she now turned her keen eyes on her son.



“Not that you’re not charming and handsome and all, Jay, but aren’t you a little concerned about the dynamic it would create in the band if she doesn’t like you in return? Or what if she does, and you guys break up at some point? That’s a little Fleetwood Mac of you, don’t you think?”



Taryn looked at her brother, curious to hear his answer since she had been wondering roughly the same thing ever since he’d made his intentions towards Krista known to her. Part of her felt his chances were good; even some of her friends had commented on more than one occasion that if he wasn’t her brother they’d be all over him. Another part hoped that Krista would prove impervious to his charms. It’s potentially bad for the band, she thought.



“No problem,” he responded. “The band comes first. I mean, you should’ve heard it! She’s just what we need.”



Taryn nodded her head vigorously. “She was great. She played the songs like she’d written them herself.” Jay hadn’t exaggerated when he’d told her that the girl was talented. Taryn had had her doubts; the way Jay had talked about her, his interest was obviously more than purely musical-- seeing her she’d immediately understood why-- but Taryn’s fears were alleviated from the first song. It hadn’t been her standard warm-up number; in fact, it was very personal piece for her. It was her baby, born of a rare night when she was feeling introspective. She didn’t know why she’d picked something so personal to induct the new girl into the band, but she hadn’t regretted it for a second. She smiled at the remembrance of the bass line swirling around the notes she was singing. Everything about the music had felt different; better.



“She seems really quiet,” Cheryl pointed out.



“She is,” Jay said.



“But…I bet she’s got a lot going on underneath it. Quiet people usually do.” Taryn glanced at Jay who was looking at her in bemusement. “Right?”



“Right. Which proves that absolutely nothing goes on in your head.”



Cheryl waited for the ensuing insultfest to peter out before attracting Taryn’s attention and asking, “Is TJ going with you tonight?”



“Probably,” she answered, a note of disappointment in her voice. She wasn’t surprised by her reticence in seeing her sort’ve boyfriend. They’d been ‘dating,’ if you could call it that, on and off for three months, a record for her. She tired of boys very easily; TJ had only lasted this long because he actually interested her on a more cerebral level than others she’d dated. They were able to have whole conversations that didn’t degenerate into groping sessions. Truth be told, Taryn had never had much physical interest in the boys she’d dated, a fact that had worried her and caused her to broach the topic with her mother. Cheryl had assured her daughter that when the right person came along, the feelings would too. She didn’t know if she really believed her.



**********************************************

As Krista had predicted, dinner at the Evans household consisted of salmon with garlic kale, and more questions about her evening. She had to hand it to her parents; they’d really paid attention to the ‘talk to your kids’ commercials that aired on TV. If she were at a different stage in her life, and if her sexuality didn’t complicate matters, it would probably even be pleasant. As neither of those things were true, however, she could only consider it annoying, and she spent the whole of dinner volleying their questions with barely disguised impatience.



“So, how was practice?”



“Fine.”



“You know, I didn’t hear any music coming from --what’s his name? Jay?-- Jay’s house.”



“Their basement is sound-proofed. You can barely even hear it inside their house.”



“That’s very smart of his parents.” Pause. “How many people did you say were in this group?”



“Including me,” small pause as she grinned inside at the statement, “four.”



“How old are they? Do they all go to school with you?”



“Are they all boys?”



“I didn’t ask to see birth certificates, so I don’t know how old they are. I know at least two of them from school, and no, Jay’s sister’s in the band.”



“Oh. A musical family. That’s nice.”



“What’s the name of the movie you’re going to see?”



“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”



“You agreed to go to the movies and you don’t even know what’s playing?”



“Nnnooo, I just thought it would be cool to hang out and maybe make some friends.”



“If you’re going to be spending a lot of time with them, we’ll need to meet them and their parents soon.”



“Dinner would probably be a good idea, don’t you think, honey?



Krista found herself at the end of her rope. With a glance at her watch she asked to be excused to go and get ready for the drive-in. She carried her plate to the kitchen, and hurried upstairs. Her parents watched her hasty retreat in silence. When she had disappeared from view, Janice turned to her husband and sighed in defeat.



“Were you this secretive and non-communicative when you were a teenager?” she asked.



“Probably,” he answered. “And I’d be willing to bet that you were too.”



“Really? I don’t remember it being this bad. I think I need to send a guilt-gift to my mother.” She stood and began to clear plates from the table. Bill followed suit, and they walked into the kitchen together.



“It seems bad now, honey, but it’ll get better. She’s going through a lot. The move, hormones…” Laughing, he set his handful of dishes in the sink before moving behind his wife and putting his hands on her shoulders, massaging gently.



She leaned back into the massage, chuckling with her husband. “Oh God, she’s growing up!”



“Yes she is. She’s in a band, for Christ’s sakes!” he exclaimed excitedly, emphasizing his last words with a light squeeze.



“Yes, she’s in a band,” Janice teased.



Bill grinned and kissed her cheek. “Remember how long it took her to get going in elementary school?”



“Yes, I remember. She’s making progress.”



“Keep thinking that. ‘This too shall pass.’ Before you know it she’ll be married with kids of her own.”



Janice turned and gave her husband a playful swat on the arm. “Watch it, buster,” she admonished. “I may be over the teenage angst thing, but I’m not ready for the pitter-patter of tiny feet yet either.” With the air somewhat cleared, the two adults returned to the chore of cleaning up the remnants of dinner, and discussed their plans for the rest of the evening and the day to come.

**************************************

Krista arrived at the Hoffa house at exactly 7:45. By 8:00 she was sitting in the back seat of a 2001 Honda Civic with Taryn at the wheel and Jay in the front seat. Jay and Taryn were involved in a fierce battle over CD selection for the short drive, a two-sided argument until they stopped at Sergio’s house and allowed him and his opinion into the car. There was no music actually played during the 15-minute drive to the movies, and Krista found herself simply watching the exchange, her head turning to her left as Sergio extolled the virtues of his mix CDs, and swiveling back and forth between Taryn and Jay as they argued over whose collection was better. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling and laughing at some of the outrageous comments made.



“Krista,” Taryn called, looking at her through the rearview mirror. “What’s in your CD player right now?”



Krista eyes widened and her mouth opened in an impressive mimicry of a fish. “Um…”she started, her mind having been lulled into dormancy by viewing rather than participating. She looked out at the street as she thought. For some reason the question seemed important. “I guess it’s…Pete Yorn.” She looked to the front seat again to gauge Taryn’s reaction. Their eyes met in the rearview mirror, Taryn’s brow raised in a mixture of mild surprise and appreciation.



“Huh,” she grunted. “Good one.” Taryn broke her gaze and rejoined the conversation, which had somehow become a discussion of Gwen Stefani’s vocal attributes (or lack thereof, to hear Sergio tell it).



In the back seat Krista had fallen silent again, her moment of participation over. She was relieved for that. She wanted a second, just a second, to relish in the pleasure she felt at making eye contact with Taryn. As much as it tormented her, there was also pleasure to be had basking in the sensations of attraction. She was going to enjoy this ride for as long as it lasted, until it was time to cast someone else as romantic lead in her fictional world.



Krista felt the car slow; looking at her window she became aware of much more traffic around them than just a few minutes ago. Common sense told her they were near the drive-in. There were cars that had never even seen an emissions test, but there were also plenty of newer, nicer cars, not unlike the Civic she was riding in. It occurred to her that her family had moved up a little in the economic food chain. Maybe she’d get a new car soon. She laughed at herself. She knew her parents better than that.



Bright lights shown ahead as the entrance to the drive-in got closer. Two lanes of cars loaded with teenagers crawled through the entryway, which displayed a slightly battered sign informing movie-goers that they were entering the “Shadow Glen Drive-In.” Seasoned employees shone flashlights through the windows, checking for stowaways.



Having passed inspection Taryn swung the car through rows of early arrivals, looking for a good spot. Already the lot was filled with more people than cars. Some had unfolded lawn chairs to recline in, passing opaque plastic containers that definitely carried more than soda; foot traffic was heavy as patrons moved from car to car, greeting friends and making new ones. The faint smell of pot wafted in the air from somewhere in the field behind the concrete lot, where people could be seen coming and going. Following Jay’s suggestion Taryn chose a spot to the right of the giant screen, close enough to see but farther away from the noise and confusion of Happy Hour.



Jay, Sergio, and Taryn each pulled out their wallets and began counting out money. Krista watched in confusion as they gathered together a small pile of ones and handed them to Jay. “What’s going on?” she asked.



“Snack run,” Sergio replied. She started to reach into her pocket to retrieve her wallet when Jay stopped her.



“I’ve got it,” he said, and then he and Sergio slipped out of the car and headed off to the snack bar, a small structure that stood off to the right.



The two girls sat in silence for a moment, each in their own way very conscious of the presence of the other. Taryn fidgeted with the radio for a moment, finding the frequency on which the sound for the movie was to be broadcast. That distraction out of the way, they sat for a bit more before Taryn abruptly opened the car door, stepped out, turned briefly to Krista to say, “Let’s sit on the hood”, and shut the door firmly. Krista sat speechless and watched through the windshield as Taryn climbed onto the hood and settled in with her back pressed against the glass. “Okay,” she murmured to no one in particular, and got out of the car.



Taryn heard the door open and shut, and sensed Krista moving towards her. She watched the screen ahead and briefly considered turning the volume up inside the car so that they could hear the ads. She decided against it; now would be as good a time as any to get to know what made her new bandmate tick. She knew that the key to getting someone to open up was to find out what was behind the quiet. She felt rather than saw Krista move up onto the hood beside her. Taryn observed her looking around at all the young people milling about. There were more people walking around in groups through the lot than there were in cars, and lawn chairs were set up all over the place. Someone had even brought a portable grill and was cooking something that smelled wonderful.



“Wow, this is pretty cool. I’ve never been to a drive-in before,” Krista commented.



“Really?”



“Yeah. It’s not a thing back home.” Krista’s eyes continued to scan the crowded lot. “There’re so many people here.”



“It’s definitely a ‘thing’ here.” Taryn paused to shout hellos to a group of people piling out of a car parked in the next row. “Where is ‘back home’?”



“Massachusetts,” Krista replied.



“Why did your family move?”



“My mom got a really great job at Phoenix General Hospital, so my parents decided that it would be best to come down here and do that. Things were getting pretty tight back at home.”



“Oh, that’s cool.” Taryn looked around the parking lot. “What’s your last name?”



“Uh, Evans?” Krista answered, her surprise at the non sequitur making it sound like a question.



Taryn laughed. “Are you sure?”



“Yes,” she said, grinning. “What’s yours?”



“Hoffa.”



Intrigued by the change in topic, Krista asked, “Why do you want to know? Are you doing a background check on me or something?”



“No. It’s just, people don’t get last names so much anymore. It’s not, ‘Hi, I’m Jim Beam.’ It’s ‘Hey, I’m Jim,’ and that’s it. I think last names are an important part of your identity.”



“Uh-huh,” Krista said doubtfully, suspecting that the girl was toying with her.



Taryn snorted in response and said no more. Krista watched as a couple walked by. The girl waved at Taryn, who returned the gesture. The couple continued on towards the field behind them, arms around each other. Krista watched them go, feeling a twinge of jealousy. Not that she wanted to be going out into a field to make out, but having it be an option would be nice. The thought brought her attention back to her companion, who was here on a Saturday night with her brother. She couldn’t imagine that someone like Taryn didn’t have a boyfriend.



“It’s cool that you and Jay hang out together like this. None of my friends back home hang out with their brothers or sisters.”



“Do you have any siblings?” Taryn queried.



“Nope. Just me.”



“Do you wish you did?”



Krista thought about it for a moment. “Maybe it would be nice to have someone to take the pressure off. Y’know, being the only child, all the attention’s on you. Which can be a little hard sometimes.”



Taryn nodded. “I know what you mean. I was an only child for a while, till Jay and Bill came along.” Krista looked at her in confusion at the unfamiliar name. “Bill was Jay’s dad. My mom and dad got divorced when I was pretty young, and then she met Bill. They fell in love, adopted each other’s kids….”



“Oh, sort’ve like the Brady Bunch, minus…four,” she finished lamely, embarrassed at the silly comment. Dork 1, Cool 0.



“We were. It was really nice. For a while.” In response to Krista’s questioning look she added, “Bill died three years ago.”



There was a long silence. Taryn stared at the screen pretending to be engrossed by the flashing advertisements, while inside she paid them no attention. She was revisiting her last words; she wasn’t quite sure why she’d divulged so much. It usually took a while before she shared the details of her family history, but with a single glance Krista’d invited it out of her, and she’d willingly given it over. She shifted a little, embarrassed. She hated the kind of people who gave you their life’s story as soon as they met you.



Krista’s eyes remained fixed ahead, and she said nothing. I bet I totally just freaked her out, Taryn thought. She was beginning to contemplate turning the volume up on the radio after all --anything to break the awkward silence-- when Krista said, “You guys are lucky to have each other.”



Taryn smiled gratefully, relieved that the other girl hadn’t offered her empty condolences as people were wont to do when they found out. She turned to her to say as much, and stopped. Krista was staring ahead, watching the screen. The last glow of dusk and the constantly flickering light from the screen combined to exhibit the planes and angles of Krista’s face in startling detail. The words she was about to speak dropped through a trapdoor on her tongue, and she could only stare blankly, though somewhere inside she vaguely registered that she was acting a little…weird.



Krista felt Taryn’s gaze and struggled to keep from fidgeting under her scrutiny. What’s she looking at, she wondered, staring hard at the screen. She was working up the courage to turn and meet that gaze when movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Suddenly, a tall, emaciated, good looking in a Matchbox-Twenty-kind-of-way boy with shaggy brown hair was standing in front of her. Jay and Sergio were standing slightly behind him, arms laden with snacks. Disappointment settled in her stomach like a leaden weight. For a second she had thought…she pushed the thought aside as she politely smiled at the boy, who was heading to Taryn’s side of the car.



“Hey,” the boy said to Taryn, who was quickly pushing herself up into a sitting position.



“Hey yourself, cutie.” Krista watched as she slid off of the hood of the car and into his arms, her feeling of disappointment growing. Like I said, a girl like her would have to have a boyfriend. Krista was further dismayed to see Jay climb up to take Taryn’s place by her side.



The new arrival turned to Krista and extended a hand. “I’m TJ,” he offered.



“Krista,” she replied, shaking the proffered hand.



“Krista’s the new member of Q,” Jay volunteered.



TJ laughed and shook his head. “Oh man. When are you gonna change that name, man?” he said, receiving a punch in the arm from Taryn as a result.



“We couldn’t think of anything else,” Sergio explained to Krista, “So we let Jay pick a letter. Our mistake.” He smirked and glanced behind himself towards the screen. “Movie’s about to start. I’m going to see if I can find Monica.” He laid his stack of snack bar goodies on the hood of the car, stored a few in his pocket, and headed off across the lot. TJ wordlessly took Taryn’s hand and nodded in a direction to his left. Taryn gave a small wave to Jay and Krista, said, “See you guys in a bit,” and they started off together, leaving Jay and Krista alone. Krista’s eyes followed their retreating forms. She heard Jay fumbling with the movie speaker, and soon the crackling sounds of the beginning of the movie came through. Krista felt a sense of mounting dread at the situation. This Monica person was presumably someone Sergio was dating (or trying to date), and she didn’t have to stretch her imagination far to figure out what Taryn and TJ were going to be doing. She saw them stop and climb into the bed of a pickup truck parked a bit farther ahead, and dismay ran through her as they disappeared behind the tailgate. She glanced at Jay, who shot her a smile as he reclined against the windshield, echoing the position his sister had taken not that long ago. Krista marveled at how something so small as a change of personnel could completely ruin a situation. She had no doubt, seeing the way everyone paired off, that she and Jay were supposed to be on a ‘date’ of sorts, and was more than a little annoyed that she’d come with the expectation of hanging out with everyone. This was exactly the kind of situation she’d been trying to avoid, and she had no idea how to get out of it without making anyone uncomfortable. She resolved to sit back and enjoy the movie, and should Jay make any inappropriate moves, well…she’d cross that bridge if it came.



In the pickup bed, Taryn lay with her head on TJ’s shoulder as they watched the movie. He had arranged blankets and pillows on the floor of the bed, and parked backwards so that they could lie comfortably and still be able to see. They hadn’t said much to each other since their hasty departure ---her hasty departure, she had to admit--- from the group. It was one of the things she liked most about him. Everything was very simple with him, and in actuality, she realized they were probably more like best friends who fooled around sometimes than boyfriend and girlfriend. She was grateful that she could lay there with him, so close, and not be expected to do anything; that the assumption that came with going to a the drive-in, which Krista had latched onto so quickly at rehearsal, didn’t apply here.



With that thought she was forced back to the scene back at the car. She was lucky that Krista apparently hadn’t noticed her staring. What would she have thought if she’d caught her…what had she been doing? Gaping? Admiring, she corrected herself firmly. Nothing wrong with admiring how someone else looks. I do it all the time with my friends. Still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something she was missing. She forcibly dismissed the thought, and snuggled closer to TJ. TJ, who understood and respected her desire to keep the sexual aspect of their relationship to a minimum.



**********************

Krista was relieved to find that the movie, a romantic thriller, was actually interesting, and the 2 ½ hours it lasted went by quickly, despite the fact that she had to consciously struggle with herself to keep from glancing at the pickup truck every minute. Sergio had returned with the aforementioned Monica, carrying two lawn chairs with them, and parked in front of the car to watch the movie. Jay didn’t try anything too fancy; at one point, he scooted closer to her to whisper an observation about the movie in her ear, but he immediately went back to his prior position when he was done.



At the movie’s end Sergio disappeared with Monica to tell her “good-night”, and Jay and Krista piled into the car to await his return, as well as that of Taryn. They shared some easy conversation until Sergio returned, at which point they chatted about the movie. Sergio turned out to be an admirable source of movie information, being highly informed about the actors who took part in it.



In the midst of their conversation, Jay looked out the window and muttered, “Finally.” Krista followed his gaze and saw that Taryn and TJ had emerged from the bed of the truck, and were now standing in the nearly deserted parking lot talking.



“Should we ask her what she thought about the movie?” Sergio snickered.



“Shut up,” Jay replied, shooting his friend a look that killed any further comment from him.



“I’ve never seen TJ in school,” Krista ventured. “What grade’s he in?”



“Oh, he graduated like two years ago or something,” Jay answered.



Krista mulled this over as she watched TJ and Taryn embrace and share a quick kiss before Taryn finally started back to the car. It didn’t surprise her that Taryn would be into older guys. Krista laughed inside as she realized the irony. Neither of us is into teenage boys. So close.



Taryn opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. “So, what’d you think of the movie?” she asked the car’s inhabitants as she turned the key in the ignition. Krista and Sergio shared a moment as they looked at each other in surprise. She almost wondered if Taryn had somehow heard Sergio’s comment. Taryn slid the car forward and they started the drive home, quickly falling into a heated discussion about the plot (or lack of plot, as some opined), which evolved into another musical argument, this time about the soundtrack.



All of this Krista participated in, keeping up her side of the banter until the moment they dropped her off in front of her house, while inside she registered the beginning twinges of a sadness she wasn’t unfamiliar with. It was much easier to carry on a crush about someone you didn’t know and never talked to. It was easy to make up a completely fictitious background for them, and most importantly, it was easy to imagine the possibilities. It got harder to pretend when you actually knew the object of your affection, and knew that they were so obviously, completely out of bounds. Didn’t you get enough of this with Diana, she asked herself bitterly. She was to be in a band with this girl, and it would not do for her to be mooning over her like a lovesick teenager (here she had to laugh at herself, since that’s exactly what she was).



She bade everyone goodnight and thanked them for a wonderful time. Once inside she smiled at her parents and answered their inquiries about the evening as quickly as possible. She finally escaped to her bedroom where she locked the door and changed into her pajamas. She glanced out her window at the house behind hers, where Taryn was possibly getting ready for bed herself, oblivious to the feelings she’d sparked in her younger neighbor. She heaved a sigh, knowing that she was being dramatic even for her, and she pulled her curtains closed, attempting to laugh it off. This was just one more futile crush to add to her list. For some reason, this made her sadder than she expected. She climbed into bed, her new mantra singing her to sleep: No more crush, you don’t have a chance. No more crush, you don’t have a chance.

[StrangeQuark]

Well-done!



These characters are all coming to life. I can picture them, hear them, and understand their thoughts, even when they're not communicated directly to me. Very crafty and full of snappy situations with dialogue to match.



I've said it before-- You have a great vocabulary, and an even greater ability to apply it with taste and wit. There's so much color, motion, and feeling going on in these scenes and you've been able to really skimp with the word-count without sacrificing detail. Bravo.



You've got a great goal, conflict, and disaster with the whole Taryn's Boyfriend situation, and I think that you sequel-ed it well. You told us a lot about Taryn's relationship through indirect means-- the same way that the other characters would have learned over the course of time-- and that really puts the reader into feeling of 'being there' rather than 'just watching.' I like that tactic a lot.



Your narrative is pretty brisk and witty, dashed with sarcasm. I enjoy that narrative personality a lot. You should probably lose the contractions, though. There aren't too many, but they do stick out, especially when flanked by words such as "commonalities." It's a clash that -sort of- undermines the cleverness of the authorial voice. Just a minor thing though, really.



This is becoming one great story. I admit surprise at the introduction of Taryn's boyfriend. You should be happy to know that his presence annoyed me immediately since you've developed Krista into a feeling, warm, flawed character who is very easy to sympathize with.



Again, bravo!



-SQ

[sam darls]

Wow..great update. I loved it .But I don't like Taryn's bf..grrrr . Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[foreverpiper]

I really like all the characters you've created...and the changes are great :-D I hope there's more soon! I love it!!

Galahad: What a strange person. French Dude: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. Galahad: Is there someone else up their we could talk to? French Dude: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. - Monty Python

[Big Dummy]

Hi all. Thanks a lot for the great feedback. I'm glad the changes are going smoothly so far. I don't know when another update will happen. My pc just got sick, and I'm working on fixing it, but the story's on my hdd so I can't even get to it to work on it, let alone post any from it. I'll post again as soon as it's up and running again.

[veiled isis moon]

Amazing characters and chapter. Awww, Krista is so smittened, poor thing. Seems like Taryn has some issues she needs to start working through and talk about. Like admirring Krista's beauty and not being all that physically interested in boys, i'm sure Krista could help her out with that!



Great writing technique. The story flows and reads wonderfully and i really care about your characters and what you have in store for them next.



Michelle.

[WhiteSkyFire]

I really cant wait to see more of this. I am really enjoying this story. Keep it up! It's awesome.



-Sky-

[veiled isis moon]

Hey man!! Where'd you go? Come back.........please?? I need more, i really love this fic. Pwetty pwease.............

[foreverpiper]

I want more too! It's been a couple weeks and I wanna see what happens! I've already re-read it like, 2 or 3 times!

Galahad: What a strange person. French Dude: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. Galahad: Is there someone else up their we could talk to? French Dude: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. - Monty Python

[bindingwiccan]

i agree with everone else here.. where'd you go?! this is probbly the second fic i've read on "the inward eye" and... i duno how to express with words how wonderful this fic is. i play drums so its cool to see someone writing about music and love all together



please continue on!



-Kelsey

[beautifultrgdy]

Heya!



I love this story. Great - you've got me begging for more, really. I mean, you get a dancing banana. Only the best and the greatest get one in my book. Just 'cause I love that guy.



Post again soon?



Jessica

[little miss 666]

*footsteps echo in*



*looks left*



*looks right*



*scream echoes into cave of nothingness* heeelllooo.....are there any updates out there...any updates out there...updates out there...out there......



*sighs and sits on a rock to wait*



eeeewww fungus!.....see what i go through to get an update of yours?! You better hurry, i'm not sure how long it'll be until this rock fungus starts to mutate and overrun my body...it's a matter of life and death you know....





- Bellie

Forgive me love For loving you, Forgive my heart For needing you, Forgive my mind For wanting you … So much … Forgive me Love

[beautifultrgdy]

Hmm.. Is this fungus a contagious one? I surely hope not. If it is, a ton of Kittens will have it. INCLUDING ME!



Maybe I should bring a picnic while we wait? And some lysol. No germs for me!



Jessica

[little miss 666]

yaaay! a rock buddy hhhhiiiiii!



*sprays fungal area with disinfectant and scootches over*



join the rock sitting club



oooooooooo!!! *squeals*



A PICNIC?! THEY ROCK!! you're so my rock buddy now!!



*starts disinfecting like mad* there we go...nice and sterile now we can nibble on nutritous snacks while we await an update





- Bellie

Forgive me love For loving you, Forgive my heart For needing you, Forgive my mind For wanting you … So much … Forgive me Love

[beautifultrgdy]

Okay, I GUESS we can have nutrirtious snacks... I was thinking... Chocolate brownies, cheesecake... Something sweet to occupy our rock sitting timr...



And something to sugar us up! I'm all about the sugar high while rock sitting!



This story is awesome - no?

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[little miss 666]

uh jess, oh, can i call you jess? i will anyway lol, yea um... in my world brownies, cheesecakes and sugars ARE nutritious snacks hahahaa. What else is there?!



So *looks around at dripping cave ceiling* you rock sit alot then i take it? hahaha, you sound like a truly experienced rock sitter. I feel honored that you're occupying my rock with me lol. Couldn't ask for a better buddy then you.



And oh oh! My diggity dog! This story's is like more than awesome hahahaa, its...gaaaah! it's wicked! i love it lol. Any chick who plays an instrument immidiately becomes completely drop dead HOT in my world lol. So yea, me and this fic get along reeeaaalllly well lol.



okay, must go, and YOU! AUTHOR! *pokes author* keep the updates coming! We aint rock sitting and picnicing for no reason here buddy!!



- Bellie

Forgive me love For loving you, Forgive my heart For needing you, Forgive my mind For wanting you … So much … Forgive me Love

[beautifultrgdy]

Of course you can call me Jess.



I'm glad we see eye to eye on teh snacking area. Cheesecake all the way.



The main reason I like this story is because the characters are so well developed. And the conflict promises to be high. I like any story that has a plot, but it takes a lot for me to LOVE a story. And right away I loved this one.



*hopes for publishes version* Just so I can rush out and buy it...



Well, I'm off!

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[little miss 666]

*slides last slice of cheesecake to jess* you can have it



*looks around and gasps*



Oh god! we're like out of food!



AUTHOR WE NEED AN UPDATE!!!!



With no food what else are we gonna do in a dark cave on a rock?! *thinks*...um...okay now i know i wanted you to update for a reason...now whhhat was it?



oh right! fantastic story line, involving characters and the strained promise of a happi gay ending!



well, you just take ur time updating anyway, we'll juz wait here...in a dark cave...on a rock...okay, why do my sentences always end up in a different direction from which they started?!



GAH! SEE WHAT UR LACK OF UPDATES DO TO ME!!!





- Bellie

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[Big Dummy]

I'm happy and excited to say that I now have not one, but two working computers in my household! Yay on me! (Read the "Computer Hardware" thread in the Kitten forum to see my woes on this subject). At any rate, I now have access to my story (previously only on a hard drive I couldn't get to), and will put the next install in tomorrow afternoon, no later than 7pm EST. So, if you've been waiting for an update, I have a present for you. Hope you're still interested. Thanks for hanging in there with me; it's been a long, arduous, non-computer-having road.

[Big Dummy]

Screw it! I'm so excited about being online again: here's a 12:37am update. Hope you like it.



Play It From the Heat

Note: mild expletives (i.e. swearing) in this update.



************************************

Krista was brought out of a deep sleep by a slow, step-by-step assault on her senses. The smell of waffles and bacon invaded her nose, causing her stomach to erupt in a noisy protest of hunger. A booming cry of “Krista, time to get going!” accelerated her ascent to wakefulness, which allowed her uncovered eyes to become sensitive to the sunbeams entering her room. She slowly opened her eyes to peer at the alarm clock next to her bed, groaning in regret at the time. Of course her family would want to get started at 9 am. That made perfect sense. Shoving her head into her pillow in one last, futile act of protest (she really wanted to see where the bus in her dream was going), she pushed herself up and out of bed.



Stretching her arms high above her head and yawning audibly, Krista shuffled out of her bedroom and down the stairs. The smell of food was getting stronger and going a long way towards curing her morning grumpiness. Janice Evans was a firm believer in feeding people thoroughly before putting them to work, which made chores like unpacking and cleaning a little more bearable, and in keeping with that philosophy Krista was greeted with quite a spread upon entering the dining room.



Breakfast was carried out without much fanfare. Krista breathed a silent thanks that the day was going to be busy, full of organizing and unpacking. Her mother was already vacillating over decorating decisions, and Krista could see her father’s struggle to remain even and easy-going through the ever-changing design schemes. Her mother was notorious for being indecisive, so that process alone would guarantee that she would not be the center of attention. She leaned back in her chair and ate her breakfast unhurriedly, happy to simply be a spectator in the show that was her parents.



“Are we concentrating on just getting things out of boxes, or are we going to be decorating as we go along?” her dad asked, his tone suggesting his exasperation with his wife.



Janice Evans narrowed her eyes at her husband. “I think it would expedite matters if we tried to make this house look more like a home in the process of unpacking. However,” she continued, cutting him off as he opened his mouth to protest, “in the interest of keeping the peace, I would propose that you and Krista unpack the basic things like books and dishes, and I will take care of decorating.”



Bill grunted, clearly skeptical of the plan, but willing to let it go for the time being. He snuck a sideways glance at his daughter, who met his eyes and stifled a giggle. The exchange was not lost on Janice, but she decided to take it in good fun. It was nice to see her daughter smile; it happened far too little these days.



After breakfast the morning progressed in a blur of cardboard and dust as the Evans family worked hard to imprint their identity on their new home. True to her word, Janice Evans permitted Krista and Bill to simply pull objects out of boxes, while she moved from room to room, muttering to herself as she mused over the placement of pictures and lamps. Objects that had rested contentedly for a week were moved to this place, then to that, as Janice tried to make corporeal the scene she was building in her head. Krista and Bill kept their involvement in the decorating to a minimum. They waited until they were sure that she was satisfied with the location of the bookcase before unpacking a box of books, and didn’t dare put away any utensils until she had properly designated which drawers were which.



They worked this way through the morning until Bill Evans finally plopped down on the plush gray couch (which was in the final of its three different positions) and called a timeout. Krista sat next to her father and wiped a film of sweat off of her brow. Her muscles ached, and she felt grimy. Janice Evans turned from her position near the window where she had been fussing with a hanging plant, and surmised the condition of her troops. She glanced at the wall clock (which really did look good mounted above the mantel instead of over the tv).



“Wash up and head out for lunch?” she asked. Two heads bobbed eagerly in response, and before she could give the final word her husband and child charged out of the room, and she was left with nothing but the sounds of two sets of footsteps headed towards their separate rooms. She smiled to herself and went to clean up for their lunch outing.

**************************************

The family drove into town for lunch, and after some small debate they settled for a light and leisurely meal at a quaint Japanese restaurant called ‘So Sushi.’ Their stomachs full, they strolled through downtown, sightseeing. They were the picture of a perfect little family. Bill led them by the space he hoped to lease for his soon-to-be business, and his wife and daughter admired it appropriately, commenting on the fantastic location. They stopped in a few shops, Janice picking up a few more decorating items here and there (and setting off another round of eye-rolling and giggling from her companions). Only once was there a lull in the serene family moments. At one point their perambulations took them by the gay bookstore that Krista had visited the day before. Her parents walked by the doorway, engrossed in conversation and taking no notice of the small establishment. Krista felt a pang of sadness. She wished that they would at least notice the place, give some reaction. She was aware that it might not be a good one, but at that moment she felt that something would be better than nothing. A small part of her wanted her to gather her courage and say ‘Hey, I got a great book from here the other day,’ but instead she averted her eyes from the display window.



Her mood was somewhat restored when they stopped in front of a familiar music store. Her father mused over whether they would have a particular jazz recording he wanted and was finally persuaded to go in by Krista, who was dying to browse anyway. Once inside they immediately parted ways; her father headed to the jazz section, her mother to the DVDs. Krista started her perusal at the door and worked her way through the racks, trying to take in everything.



She bobbed her head in time with the music as she walked, stopping periodically to browse a section. Portishead, she thought as she recognized the song playing over the store speakers. And not a single. Good sign. She began to walk the aisles, noting the selections on the racks while taking in the store’s décor. The far wall was adorned with T-shirts for sale with the latest slogans and band logos. The wall opposite it was similarly decorated with poster versions of the shirts. As she passed the front counter she noticed the glass display cases. Stopping to browse their contents, she wasn’t surprised to find all manner of body jewelry, hair dye, and various patches for jackets and pants, as well as studded leather wrist bands and collars. She shook her head slightly. She’d spent a lot of time in a music store back in Staughton, so much so that she would often come in after school and just slip behind the counter as if she worked there, and spend hours with the 30-something musical genius that owned the store. Much of what she’d learned about music was from Buck. As a result, she’d found that unlike other teenagers, she appreciated music not for the scene around it, with its patches and piercings and Ultra Tint Hair Dye, but for the actual music. Stores such as the one in which she was now standing did a lot in Buck’s (and therefore her) opinion to kill real music culture.



She stopped at the used bin and lost herself in shuffling through the selections. Her fingers moved quickly; she knew she didn’t have a lot of time before her parents tired of the loud music and wanted to leave.



“Can I help you find something?” A voice in her ear caused her to jump, sending a handful of CDs clattering to the floor. She dropped to the floor and began to pick them up, apologizing profusely. A hand on her shoulder stopped her movement. She looked up and into Taryn’s smoky gray eyes.



“I got it,” she said laughingly as she bent down to help pick up CDs. “You’re so jumpy, maybe I should do a background check on you.”



The last of the CDs in her hands, Krista stood and attempted to place them back in the bin in correct order. “Don’t worry about it,” Taryn assured her. “They weren’t in order before you came.”



Her hands empty, Krista turned to face her surprise companion, fidgeting nervously. Here she was, one-on-one again. She wished she could think of something witty and interesting to say. Instead, all that came out was, “So, you work here?”



Taryn tapped the nametag she wore. “Looks like it.”



Krista colored in embarrassment. “Yeah. Duh.”



Taryn reached out and touched her shoulder again. “I’m just kidding. I’m a natural smart-ass, so don’t pay me any attention.”



Krista smiled weakly. There was a very real possibility of her passing out if Taryn continued to touch her.



“On a normal week you wouldn’t have run into me here. I don’t usually work on Sundays.”



Taryn looked at her expectantly. Krista realized that she should say something instead of standing there, nodding dumbly. Okay. Conversation 101. “I’m here with my parents. We’re taking a break from unpacking the house. It’s a great day to walk around and stuff.” Her hand itched to come up and smack herself on the forehead. Couldn’t she think of anything more interesting to say?



“Yeah. I can’t wait to get out of here. One more hour.” Taryn looked around, immediately picking out Krista’s parents, who were making their way over to them. “Looks like they’re done.”



Krista saw that they were indeed done and cursed their bad timing. So what if she hadn’t actually been saying much? She was getting around to it.



Her parents stopped in front of them and smiled politely at Taryn before turning to their daughter. “This music’s giving me a headache,” her father said, with a pointed look at Taryn.



She took her cue immediately. “Why don’t I go turn that down,” she said to them. With a quick glance and a “See ya’” to Krista, she moved towards the front of the store.



“You know her?” her mother questioned curiously.



“Yeah. She goes to my school and she’s the singer in the band,” Krista explained. And she thinks I’m a double dork because I’m lame and I have lame parents, she added to herself.



“Oh, you should have introduced us,” her mother said.



“Maybe I would have if dad hadn’t started in about the music,” Krista pointed out irritably, and started for the door. Her parents followed, confused by her response. Krista gave a final glance towards the counter. Taryn was giggling and talking closely with someone. It was TJ, the boy from the drive-in. She turned away, chiding herself for having impossible aspirations, and led her parents from the store.



The family continued to stroll for another ½ hour before piling into their car and returning home. Phase Two of the unpacking was to begin, and each family member retired to their personal quarters to shape up their intimate spaces as they saw fit.



Krista closed her door behind her and leaned her back against it. She took a moment to scan her room, allowing her eyes to envision what it was she wanted the space to look like in the end. There was a little more of her mother in her than she would like to admit. She decided to try her hand at sketching out an idea, even though she was no artist. In truth she knew she was procrastinating, but she was okay with that.



Pulling a tablet and pen out of her backpack, she settled herself in the middle of her floor and began to draw. Before long she was doing a combination of drawing and writing as she let her creative floodgates open completely. Over an hour had passed when she finally decided that she had done enough planning, and needed to start doing.



She decided to start on the walls, but first she needed to set the mood. Downstairs she was beholden to interact with her parents while working. Up here she was alone, and could conduct matters in a way befitting her personal tastes. She walked over to her stereo and opened the CD book that lay on top. She might not have yet unpacked her clothes, or put her books on their shelves, but she had done the important things. She’d set up her sound equipment and arranged her speakers to obtain the best sound possible. Quickly flipping through she located the CD she was looking for, a dancey mix that her friend Ross had made for her as a going-away present. She slipped the disc into the CD player, and when the thumping beat of the first song came on she adjusted the volume. Not enough to annoy her parents, but enough to fill her room the way she liked. Bopping her head in time to the beat, she did one slow circle around her room before she stopped at two boxes labeled ‘Wall Stuff’. She opened them and started to pull out all manner of tapestries and posters. She opened another box, ‘Stuff,’ and rummaged through till she emerged triumphant with a roll of scotch tape, a staple gun, and putty. Her supplies at the ready she began to dance around her room in earnest. Shuffle shuffle to the corner, hang and orientate, ka-pow goes the staple gun, bop bop a few feet, hang and orientate, skzzzz goes the scotch tape, and so on. A casual observer would have thought she were performing some bizarre ritual, which was pretty close to what Jay thought when he spied her through his sister’s window.



He stopped in the middle of her room, mouth agape. He had come in to retrieve the t-shirt that Taryn had ‘borrowed’ last week. He hadn’t gotten more than a few steps into her room before his eyes had wandered and locked onto the window opposite Taryn’s door, through which he had an unobstructed view of Krista shaking her head and bouncing up and down like a madwoman before stopping to hang a corner of a black and blue tapestry.



“What are you doing?” Taryn asked from her doorway. She had just arrived home from the record store and had a lot of homework to catch up on. She didn’t feel like fooling around with her younger brother, who was standing in front of her window with a curious expression on his face.



Jay turned around and shushed her as if Krista could hear them, and pointed out the window. Taryn moved closer to get a good look at what he was looking at, and what she saw caused her to unconsciously mimic her brother’s pose.



They stood that way for a long moment while Krista, oblivious to their eyes, danced her way around her room like a whirling dervish. Taryn watched as the girl she had thus far only known as restrained and shy let loose with a whirlwind of motion. Krista suddenly jumped onto her bed, bouncing up and down while singing into an invisible mic, and Taryn and Jay let loose with a torrent of laughter. Taryn regained her composure and grabbed her brother’s arm, dragging him away from the window.



“Fuck,” he exclaimed, holding his stomach and collapsing onto her bed. “That’s hilarious!”



“Oh my God!” Taryn fell down beside him, wiping tears from her eyes. They lay there for a few minutes more, regaining their composure only to burst into more peals of laughter as each relived the image in their mind. When she could finally breathe again Taryn commented, “I’m so glad she didn’t see us.”



“Yeah,” Jay agreed. After a moment’s pause he added, “Why didn’t you tell me that you could see right into her room? You wanna switch?”



“Don’t be a jerk, I had no idea,” she said, pushing him off of her bed. “Not like I would be staring at her window anyway, pervert.”



He rolled neatly into a standing position. “I think I’m gonna ask her out tomorrow.”



Taryn rolled her eyes. “Good for you. Now get out.”



“What do you think she’ll say?” he persisted.



“How the hell do I know? I don’t even know the girl really.”



“But you’ve seen her dance,” he said, and started laughing again. Taryn didn’t join in this time. She felt a little bad about catching her neighbor in what was obviously a private moment, and laughing at her behind her back. It wasn’t malicious, and she was sure that if they were really good friends they’d all be able to laugh about it together. Since that wasn’t the case, though, she was having an attack of conscience.



“What were you doing in my room anyway?” she asked.



“I want my shirt.” She walked over to her closet, passing her window and drawing the curtains as she went, and searched through the pile of dirty clothing on the floor until she pulled out a wrinkled gray ‘Army’ t-shirt. “Here,” she said, tossing the shirt to Jay. “Now scram, jerk. I need to do some work.”



“Yeah yeah,” he muttered before heading towards the door. He slipped through, casting one last longing look towards the now covered window, and asked, “You sure you don’t want to sell me some time in here? Say, around bedtime?”



“Out!” she yelled. He disappeared and closed the door firmly behind him. For a moment she stood in the middle of her bedroom, then turned to go to her comfy chair. En route to her chair she found herself back by the window, and seemingly of its own accord her hand reached out and drew the curtains slightly to one side. Krista was no longer indulging in the sporadic convulsions of her earlier dancing. She was sedately moving things around on her desk, the gentle back and forth sway of her body and continuous motion of her head the only things indicating that music was still playing. Taryn watched her for a moment before she roused herself from the dreamlike state she had fallen into. There was definitely more under that quiet exterior. That was the girl Taryn wanted to see more of, and she decided to double her efforts to get to that person. The thought made her pause for a moment before she pushed it aside and settled into her overstuffed study chair and opened her physics book.

Edited by: Big Dummy at: 10/1/04 3:08 am

[beautifultrgdy]

AWESOME UPDATE!



Hoorayness for a return! Thanks so much!

Jessica

Adia I'm empty since you left me...

[StrangeQuark]

Wow! This is so damned good…



Here’s what I like the most:



You’re really taking your time establishing the relationship(s.) You’re doing it in a way that’s approaches excruciation on some levels, but assures a grand pay-off. This ‘eye’ for pacing—Can I borrow it sometime? Please?



Description is a strong suit of yours. You use a lot of different senses, vivid words, and even a few witty observations about the modern culture. Bravo!



The characters and their voices are very distinct. I could probably guess who is saying what to whom without any dialogue tags. I can hear their words, in my head, as though read by actors—That’s how well you’ve crafted them. Excellent.



Great line of dialogue...



[--“You’re so jumpy, maybe I should do a background check on you.”--]





Now the nitpicks…



Watch out for adverbs, especially those that end in ‘ly.’ They’re air-bubbles in the mortar that binds the blocks of your prose. They can ruin otherwise great sentences.



[--She leaned back in her chair and ate her breakfast unhurriedly, happy to simply be a spectator in the show that was her parents.--]



Two of ‘em in one sentence—Ouch!



[--En route to her chair she found herself back by the window, and seemingly of its own accord her hand reached out and drew the curtains slightly to one side.--]



Another duet.



Don’t get me wrong-- Adverbs have their place. It’s just that their place should only occur once every 500 words or so. If they’re more frequent than that, then you’re undermining the power and panache of the clever stuff around them (and you have no shortage of that either!)



Enough nitpicking already, right?…



I like the interaction--though short in this installment--between Krista and Taryn. It’s your narrative and their dialogue that make it such a pleasure to read. They’re real. I care about them. Hell, I care about Jay too for that matter. You’re a character-powerhouse in this story. Keep that up as best you can. Strength to you!



Oh yeah… The 3rd person limited is working much better. You get really deep inside the POV characters heads, and bring their thoughts right to the reader with a directness and authority that command reader-sympathy. I wasn’t distracted by ‘head-hopping.’ Everything worked great.



Awesome story, great delivery, and wonderful characters. Great, great work.



Always looking forward to reading more.



-SQ

[Kathryn91628]

I really love this story. Please update soon!



~Kat

[little miss 666]

OMIJESUS!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!



*jumps around cave screaming* FINAAALLLLYYYY!!!!



. . ... . . . . . . . ... . . .. . . . . . . ...... .. . . . . ....



*passes out from excitement*





- (an unconscious) Bellie

The shape of you

Is etched inside

My bruised and somewhat sculptured mind

[foreverpiper]

I've been waiting for this forever!! YES!! Thank you thank you thank you!!



I hope there's an update soon!

Galahad: What a strange person. French Dude: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. Galahad: Is there someone else up their we could talk to? French Dude: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time. - Monty Python

[sam darls]

Yay an update.. . So, Taryn has a view of Krista's window..ooh . Wonderful update. Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[veiled isis moon]

Awww, wow, you updated..........i'm so happy!!



Lots and lots more please

[Big Dummy]

Thanks everyone for your kindness. Sorry the story was on hiatus for so long. I'm glad I have most of it written so that I can update a little more quickly. Of course, the problem with having so much of it written is that there's more to change and rewrite when I get feedback.



SQ, nitpicking? Naahhhh! I appreciate the constructive criticism.



Anyway, I'm hashing through and working on my little adverb problem, and will post the next bit within the day, possibly even within the night. Thanks for being patient, everyone.



BD