A Soul to Find :: Kro's Poems

[SJ]

Liked both those poems.

[Uzu]

Great poems, Krokador!^^ I know how you feel about wee Gabby. I was surprised she lasted so long! And with nothing but a big stick! (although I'm sure having a bigger warrior princess helped too!:lol )

I really liked your last one and how it told such a sad tale. Poor guy! Saved by his son and he didn't even know it. I like the message of rememberance it's conveying through the fate of this doomed character. As always, good stuff!^^

[Krokador]

well, I havent written anything in a while, due to lack of time (and lack of sleep and I could even mention that my sanity's gone, lol!) but tonight I just couldnt resist to the feeling the slow falling snow gave me ^^

and thanks everyone for the comments!

Snow Thunder(December 19th 2006)

Well here I am sitting
Watching the snowflakes twirling
The wind's blowing melodies
Making it's way through the trees
It's such a pretty sight
Everything seems so right
The night stars shining off the skies
Right down into your pretty eyes

I can't remember a time with you
Where I doubted it all was true
Everything's so peaceful
I swear you couldn't be more beautiful
My hand in yours and your head on my shoulder
Wishing this moment would last forever
Cuz everytime I look at your smile
I know your love is worthwile

Then this awesome flash of light
Lit the sky just once, so bright
And didn't we laugh when thunder
Echoed through this evening of wonder
It was as if I could touch your face
Something would've bent time and space
For one moment I could reach out to you
Coldness and void are the next things I knew

Thinking of you and it's so clear
I only want to hold you near
Without your presence I'm so empty
I'll keep missing you for eternity
Until I can get lost in your eyes
Until this longing for your touch dies
The sweetness of your lips in a kiss
Will be a memory of perfect bliss

Can't you be here and sit with me
As snow covers the end of the story
You're in my heart and in my veins
I think if I could I'd break these chains
That hold us apart for today
Trust me I'll stay, that's all I'll say
When we're together let's never forget
That enchanted day when we met

Snow's still falling slowly
It's hypnotizing me
Shades of a far away moonlight
Shining through this lovely night
I'll keep thinking about the face
I had the chance to see in this place
Keep haunting my dreams forever
One day we'll finally be together

[SJ]

Wonderful poem.

[Krokador]

It's 4:30 am, i havent slept (no use, i have 2 hours left before getting up haha). tomorrows my last day of school. I'm currently fixing the program we have to hand out tomorrow, but I needed a break. My mind's acting weird right now haha... So um yeah, here's a lil something I wrote just now.


All Nighter(Dec 21st 2006)

I'm wide awake
I can't sleep for my own sake
Get the rest I deserve
This thing's playing on my nerves
Like a ball of stress
Leaving me in a mess
I'm just about to pull away
And live through another day

I don't want to ask questions
And be thrown a pre-made answer
I don't want to build illusions
For my surroundings I can be sober

But you all know I'm crazy
My tongue driving a babble frenzy
When I'm not quiet
Well I'm not thinking yet
Quote me if you want to
It's not like I know you
I don't think we've got it right
There's always a way to fight

I'm not holding any truth
And my reasons are treasons
There are people saying I'm cute
But that's just part of my seasons

Look at me and tell me
You are here to love me
Close my eyes and let me slip away
Then I'll ask you to stay
I know I can't hide forever
Now can't we be together?
In this foreign far away land
I don't want to know the end

I can't wait for tomorrow
Reactions and some destiny
Time to get rid of the sorrow
There's my life waiting for me

When the night's over
And I still am awake
I pulled an all nighter
And this was a piece of cake

[SJ]

Great poem.

[Krokador]

okay, so, before I post this next poem, I just wanna say I'm bad. I read DameSansMerci's poem and i was about to go to bed, but it inspired me. This one word, unspoken... just shook memories in my mind and well, its 4 am... so yeah huh. I played a lot with the alliterations (i think thats the word) in there, but theres no rhymes (doesnt happen that often with me). I didn,t have a clue what other title I could use for it but the word that inspired me, so I'm sorry Jen, had to steal a part of your title ^^.

Unspoken (Dec 28th 2006)

There's this tension I can't avoid
Feelings I pushed back but never forgot
I looks at my hands and they look fake
Forehead forged of a frown forever engraved
On my face

Swallowing the urge to run away
As the air keeps getting colder
I miss the old days when I didn't care
But here I am craving your crystal eyes
And what's behind them

I know fear is drawn on my lips
As they tremble in a weak smile
Why my shoulders are slumped is a question
That stability and sense can't seem to explain
Can't seem to understand

This life I'm trying to explain
My own words I can't get out
If tiredness is causing this then let me sleep
Lost in a life of liquid dreams
That escape the grip of my fingers

I'm scared
Nothing can sooth the fears that sunk deep within
As I seek a way to silence the voice in my mind
I feel stupid for seeing things in such a way
It all looks scary to me

I'm overwhelmed
It's obvious I'm obsolete in such a world
I keep trying over and over to overcome
The fates that obey a force I can't hold
And I can't find home

I'm lonely
And I want to hold your love
Like I hold this lustful look on what I could've been
Lost in a life I can't leave
Why does this feel like a lie?

I don't even know if I really said these words
If this happiness is just an illusion
I don't want to know
What if I die tomorrow?
You don't want to know

[SJ]

Great poetry.

[Krokador]

I took a couple days to whip that one up (I can even say it took 2 years, haha), it's just built up from how good I feel lately, images I picked up in my daily life, things that look better when I'm thinkin' bout a certain someone that's really dear to me

So, before I fall asleep on 'da keyboard...

oh btw, thanks for the replies SJ, I'm glad to see some people do read my poems

Dreamy (Lost in Paradise) (January 3rd 2007)

Floating in the salty air
My feet burried in the sand
There's no telling what brought me here
But this is now where I stand
Lost in the sound of the waves
And in the touch I crave

Aren't we here lying in the sun
With no need to be on the run
As the day passes slowly
Made better for you and me
I turn my head toward my love
Aren't you an angel from above?

And then the breeze catches in your hair
And I can't help but stare
At how beautiful you are today
In the shades of a sparkling sunray
Oh, how I'd trade my life for this dream
'Cause we embody the perfect team

This love's carved in pretty stones
First time I saw you sent tidal waves through my bones
Your smile erased this endless nightmare
And I hope my eyes show how much I care
I'm still here standing in a daze
Until I realize I'm lost in paradise

[SJ]

Nice rhythm in your poetry.

[DameSansMerci]

Okay, curiosity won out and I had to read this poem before I went to sleep...and WOW, Mels! That's just...wow! Amazing! The imagery is so serene and peaceful, and you just...feel like you're really there! It's like a mini-vacation in the form of a poem! I totally agree with SJ...the rhyme scheme and pattern are really graceful and refined. Very nice job!:D
Jenny

[Krokador]

Desperate Ramble

You know theres something wrong when you cant seem to write anything that means something. And when you finally can write it, its just not what you had expected would come out of your blurry mind. I don't mean no harm and I never wanted to hide, this place is a sanctuary to my discarded bloodlust and this one desire, the burning hatred of a world I left so long ago yet am going back to if I keep following this road. It's just as scary as I had imagined it would be, but I'm not brave even if I don't fear the grave. Let me walk this material plane to be the ghost I was meant to create and don't let me die until I've felt the pain of losing it all in vain.

I always knew I wouldn't make it through and no one's there to witness my fall in this darkness. No one's inside my head to see the curtains fall over the wound she created. The scars they carved into my heart. The world doesn't fall appart. But everything goes away. Anyone can betray. I have nothing left to say...

I couldve gone on with that, but my intention coming here was to post the poem I wrote yesterday, I just felt the urge to type that down a little before... I wrote this poem being constantly disturbed by family (because at my mother's place theres no such thing as peace and privacy), listening to Three Days Grace. I'm not too sure it really carries the feeling I tried to express... But well, I tried.

Denial (My Ugly Fear) (Jan 13th 2007)

I won't mention it's been a couple days
Since I last felt this way
And you know I won't beg you to stay
There's no peace to be found anyway

I don't remember which part of me
Is about to become a memory
Do leave with the one I used to be
I don't need to live through this story

I always wake up to this static air
This cold feeling I still can't bear
Missing the ghostly touch of an empty stare
And I hate your dream hand in my hair

Once again, left with only questions
And someone stole all my reasons
Can't you give me back my illusions
So I can run away from this confusion

I'm drowned in a jealousy I don't understand
Is life crushing me until I bend?
Heartbreak and this love, I can't pretend
I feel nothing: now you know where I stand

At the breaking point still denying it's you I miss
Not the one I once dragged in this
I wish my lips could taste your kiss
Only one person can help me reach total bliss

But for the moment I'm stuck with this throbbing pain
And it feels like all my efforts were in vain
I'm not alright so don't be so blind
I need you to stop me from denying you again...

[Krokador]

Yeha, twice in the same day. Guess thats what you call one damned day.

Cursebound (Jan 14th 2007)

It seems like I'm destined to fall
Over and over for the ones who do care less
And it's just my luck if I keep hitting the wall
When nothing in me can resist the stress
Why does it have to be like this?

I can't even fight for what I want
And I,d give up my pride for an ounce of luck
I try to love but I know I can't
Everytime I do it all start to suck
Why does it always happen to me?

For this one time I know who I am
And lost track of who i want to be
So many things I can't understand
Belive me when I say I'm not ready
Why is everything so complicated?

I'm not sure I want to keep going
When all my plans keep falling apart
Don't be surprised to find me crying
When everything goes wrong from the start
Why is everyone so hard to reach?

I have this feeling I can't be saved
It seems like each of my steps makes it worse
I'm just a lost cause, can't be helped
In the end bad luck's becoming my source
Why am I cursebound amongst a million?

[SJ]

Great writing.

[Krokador]

Erm, okay, I wont really comment on this one cuz honestly, I cant even find out why I got in the mood to write this.

Follow Me (Jan 18th 2007)

For every thousand lines I'll write
Only one or two ar worth reading
I can tell you the following will be bad
But in the end it's your choice

If you want to know how deep I have drowned
And how cold the blood is in my veins
There'll be no pretty flowers to make it better
No small words to reduce the pain

I'm no longer looking for a rhyme
Nor am I searching for a reason
You know just as well as I do
How much this path cost me already

I do wish I knew how much more I'm willing to pay
Is this the road I was meant to walk
And is this the person I was supposed to be
Or did I take the wrong turn when faced with myself?

My feet are frozen to the bone
My fingers are numb and my lips are trembling
The ice around my heart you once melted away
Is chasing away the warmth I used to feel

I can't remember a day where I didnt stop to think
If all the efforts were worth anything
If every step wasnt one more into an Abyss
One I can't escape anymore

Life's made me who I am
And through the hardships and confusion
I can only remember one thing that saved me
Love had strictly nothing to do with it

Oh it's made love worth it to feel all this pain
It's made happyness feel wrong at some point
But if I walked through this alone
It's out of pride more than anything

So now I want to drop it and ask for help
And then I'll have nothing left
If you're not there to save me
I'll have no chance to save myself

For all these lines I wrote
I understood how hard it is to rely on yourself
To put your feelings in someone else's hands
It's the one or two through a thousand that counts

You all made me realize who I was
I never knew who I wanted to be
I had dreams, passions, but no time for them
And they died with my humility

In the times when all I did was to complain
I was weak, open, and you made me close up
I'm no longer cute, no longer smart
I'm just a woman with fears and words

I think I mentioned this wouldn't be good
I knew it from the first word I put down
I knew in my soul I would write a downer
And if nobody reads it then so be it

Truth needs to be said and so truth will come
I hate this life and I hate having fun
Because I dread the moment where my brain will kick in
And the happiness will go away again

I don't like myself and I don't appreciate company
I just need humanity to keep whats left of my sanity
I'm not an angel and I'll never be
I'm not as innocent as I claim to be

I have done as much wrong as could be done
My spirit is full of memories I want to chase away
Given I can't lie my honesty's killing me
And I still manage to bring hurt with reality

So if those words don't make their way
At least I cleared my mind of their filthy shadow
Thinking is painful and writing is the release
At least that's how it works for me

One in a thousand will really affect you
To the point of changing your personality, maybe
An advice to myself is to stop being so foolish
And be harder on yourself so you can be on others

Let the guilty carry their own blame
Mine's heavy enough already
And this steel stare the mirror's giving me
Is nothing but my anger bottled up

Nothing but this rage I always felt
Building walls in my heart so I'd get lost in this maze
And whenever I find the light another wall emerges
This is how I'm cursebound and why I'm blind

And when my heart's quiet I'm uneasy
Used to turmoil and intern wars
I still don't see any escape
To this prison I put myself in

Once again this one word come back to mind
Pride, it's the pride that's caging me
The pride's that keeping me going
Once again at a crossroad

Will my words lead my path
And will you light down the road for me?
Can I count on a ghost or should I choose
To find someone else to take care of me?

Yes, my words can be scary
But its probably the last genuine thing in me
And at times I wish I could run away
From me, them, you...

But I won't give up unless forced to
I've worked so hard already to give in now
So even if these bad lines are all I have
I'll live with them until the end

So will you follow me?

[SJ]

Great poem.

[Krokador]

No comment on this one. Ty for reading SJ

Goner (Jan 24th 2007)

When I thought nothing could stand between me and you
Was born a feeling I couldn't believe true
And if you want to blame jealousy
Just know you're the one I claim guilty

Someone managed to steal my best friend
And I really don't like this feeling
Somebody's put me through a torment that'll never end
You were out of reach from the beginning
Something's got to change or I'll lose a part of me
If you care don't become my enemy

It's my trust you lose when you say you'll be there
I need you and can't find you anywhere
It's my heart you break when all you say
Is sorry, let's talk about it another day

Someone messed up a part of my mind
And I completely hate this feeling
Somebody's gonna get hurt if it happens again
Until you realize just how much I'm hurting
Something's going to happen no one can prevent
I think the core of my message's about to be sent

I really did believe in the hope I was offered
Such a fool for friendship and love I stumbled
This is where I am now, no exit no light no path
Suffering from all the losses' wrath

Someone took away the power I had left
To change the bad feelings surrounding
Somebody's finally commited the lethal theft
Of taking my heart away, leeving my soul bleeding
And now I can tell, in my life you're a goner
You have to do something before everything is over

[SJ]

You capture emotion so well in your writing,great poem.

[Krokador]

There's this one stoopid day coming up, and tonight I felt real weird cuz i said happy birthday to my ex-gf (if ever girlfriends we have been, actually), and im gonna be 20 soon. And things aren't going exactly as I would've wanted them to go. I always dreaded the 14th of february. Especially since all my friends are matched and no one's left to spend it with me.

I'm mostly looking back to my first total heartbreak, how i was rejected back then, how bad I felt, how much it still haunts me now. Pretty much a downer.

Thanks SJ for the comments, i really appreciate them


Distraught Valentine (Feb 5th 2007)

Just one minute ago I held a flower in my palm
Then the rush of blood to my head
The deafening pain of confusion in alarm
Made me pluck the petals to what they said
As if love was never enough to be happy
And the thorns in my fingers think it's funny
To see how this sensation numbs my senses
--How my eyes tell it all in a glance

There's a spotlight in the dark room
I could've sweared my heart existed
Only to realize I brought it to it's doom
The morning I had those words engraved
On my sleeve that I rolled back to forget
Fingerprints of a lost cause at sunset
Forever will live on in my memory
--How my hands are powerless to change history

I tried telling my self friendship could fight
The monsters that haunt me on this day
Standing here alone in complete disarray
Offering couples that pretty comforting sight
That things aren't all that bad after all
If loneliness can be avoided by the crowd
Knowing if you need, you can always call
--How my slumped shoulders fail to look proud

Cursed be the day I wanted to offer my heart
To the one person I could never reach
Many years ago and still it tears me apart
Feels like I'm walking on a frozen empty beach
There's nothing but ice and wind
Tormenting the shivering form walking on, blind
I'm still moving and searching for the one
--How my distraught Valentine again won

I'll love you 'til my heart goes numb
When the night goes on and on and you bring me down
The music in my brain is yelling for freedom
Hoping the noise will chase away the phantoms
Of a past that's walking on my heavy steps
Plunging my shadow into eternal darkness

Repeating that I should've never given into my gentle mind
--How much would you offer my distraught Valentine?

[SJ]

Like that poem,great writing.