Observations

[SJ]

Great poetry.

[onyxsundrops]

like a tiny pill tucked beneath the tongue
To settle your disturbance

I paused for a long time after these two lines. Amazing. Looking forward to reading more.

Yvonne

[Urn of Osiris]

Rozy, SJ & Yvonne - Thank you for the feedback. I'm so pleased that you enjoy the poems and that you take the time to express it. I'm in a tar tinted mood today. I know I'm blessed and yet I'm so sad. Such is the way of the world I guess. Here's some more.


Toggle

It is the secret
hidden so deep that I can’t bear to expose
a lifetime spent running from truth
Building little walls around
to keep reality from trickling out
or seeping in
but it has found a way over and under
around and through
and I’m frightened
that it is coming
something so familiar
and still
it feels so foreign
and when I close my eyes it wraps around tightly
yet I welcome such suffocation
the strangling hold
I can’t wait to succumb
give way to what’s locked so deep
Where is my solace?
The comfort
held tightly in sweating palms
trembling hands
aching lips.
Surrender
your complexity so persuasive
once quenched by mother’s milk
now twisted, contorted
tortured by what will no longer hide this shame
this fear
repulsion trimmed with lipstick and shadow
made pretty for all your eyes to see.
Beads and baubles, like the trimmings on Sunday
dressed and garnished
Unwelcome
apparent to the keen eye.

[SJ]

Great poetry.

[vix84]

Well, Urnie - I'd call it deep, but then I'll find out what it's about and be pissed off.

"to keep reality from trickling out
or seeping in
but it has found a way over and under
around and through
and I’m frightened "

This is great. I think you'd make an awesome song writer. You should become Rach's song writer and manager.

Anyway, no matter what it turns out to be about, I find a lot of sadness in this, and it makes me worry and want to hug you. This poem deserves to be read aloud. You should find a poetry reading to read at; it's wasted here in this lonely thread.

[Urn of Osiris]

Thanks SJ

Rozy - This poem is not about an empty bag of potato chips.
It really was about being a liar. About being surrounded by talk and empty promises. I hate that I'm surrounded by people that only want to take. This piece really was one of the truest parts of me, perhaps the truest I've ever shared in this forum. I was thinking about the stuff I post here. I'm waiting for the next poetry reading. I'll get on the list this time. Mwa!!! Thanks for reading it and for giving me some useful reviews. You've always been honest and very giving of your talents. I'm eternally appreciative.

[Tara22]

Goodness Urnieleh, I think that would be number one in my list of four for the reading. It was really awesome. I knew from reading it that this was no bag of potato chips

I just want you to know a few things:

1) I love you!
2) You're an amazing poet and person
3) I hope you never change!

Screw em all!

Mwa!
Rachy

[Urn of Osiris]

Chappy - you darling! I love you too. I'm so happy to see you here. I suppose it is good when I'm ultra sad because it completely fuels the poet in me. I've got some real woppers to share. It's great to know that there are peeps in this world that just allow you to be you. I've got quite a death grip on them. Can you feel it?

Mwa!!!!!!!! Thanks for reading.

[Urn of Osiris]

Lookie here. I get to double post. I think I should be depressed about that, but since my poetry only appeals to a few kittens I won't feel like such a loser.

I absolutely promise this is not a poem about potato chips, although I would eat some if I had them right now. *licks charm pop* <-- that sounds kinda kinky.

Here's the latest. I'm thinking I need to visit a fluffy nest of ducklings or a pile of new born kittens. I've written some serious stuff lately. Anywhooooo here you go.....


Filament

It was everything,
and in the serenity of night, never enough
Too fragile to sustain
Like a cover that stifles the flame
one effortless act steals the absolute
Extinguishes immortality
How short it has been, loving you
to scarcely remember the joy of your soft touch
The way your eyes mirror the dancing light of midnight
I can see, only now, the silhouette of your temptation
I can taste, only now, the essence of love on my lips
My hands roll across the barren desert of hunger
An example of what is
And what is to never be
Sweet eternal life
You have robbed me of delight, of wonder
I have only this, unquenchable need for comfort, as I grieve
Like the dwindling flame, that once lit the infinite corners of time
I too, gasp, now breathless for one more
Before life’s hand
Extinguishes what was once so revered.
And yet, never really was

[Emms]

That poem was wonderful Urnie.

(I know it's not my usual ramble, but I'm not really in the ramble frame of mind right now. )

xoxo
Emms

[SJ]

Great poem!

[barnabasvamp]

Jeeze, just when I was thinking about how wonderful "Toggle" was, you give us Filament. So many emotions. Thanks for sharing.

BV

[vix84]

Without a doubt, the best so far. Maybe I say that about most of them, but this one is the most raw and painful, and the most beautiful to read.

You have robbed me of delight, of wonder
I have only this, unquenchable need for comfort, as I grieve

This is so sad. I still have my theories about this one. I'm glad that you've changed from potato chip bags to strong emotion. It suits you.

[Urn of Osiris]

Miss Kitty's B.O.Y. - Thank you! I adore your ramble and give you free reign to go at it. I mean that in strict writing context. Can't have all you crazy kittens going at it all over my thread. Behave!

SJ - Ye of so few words. Thanks! I'd like to see you type one complete sentence expressing how this next one makes you feel.

BV - Wow, thanks. the words just come sometimes. I'm glad that you enjoyed these.

Vixy - I know you've got a theory, *bursts into song* It may be midgets. People suck sometimes! That's the bottom line.


Helloooo Kittens! I'm back from the land of ill feeling. I wrote this little diddy after a really rough weekend. I hope you enjoy it.


Count on this

Did you know,
when you look into the heavens,
into the darkness,
those bright shining stars are dying?
Some, may already be dead
and still.
We look up toward them with some inexplicable hope
bizarre really,
so much like how we look into the face of a newborn babe
and see a future
that innocent expression
will weep from the torture of adolescence
will fight to stand up for emotions
Will feel every ounce of pain that I fight now
and yet this babe has come to be
to face all the ugliness that I despise
Why do we set the crippled upon this stage,
glorified in the heavens?
only to watch helpless
as the dazzle of newness
is ashed away
by living

[SJ]

I found this poem conjured up a mixture of emotions,desperation and hope.
Great poem.

[vix84]

SJ: Great feedback!

Urnie: Again, I loved this poem.

This was the best part for me:

Why do we set the crippled upon this stage,
glorified in the heavens?
only to watch helpless
as the dazzle of newness
is ashed away
by living

I absolutely adore the images you choose for your poems. And, sigh, the word 'ashed' is just yummy for me.

I'm looking forward to more poems.

[Urn of Osiris]

SJ - That was brilliant!! I knew you had it in you and I appreciate every syllable. Seriously, I'm delighted that my words stirred up those emotions. Thank you for the feedback.

Rozy - ashed huh? Verrry interesting. I think that might be the first time I've ever used it. I'm happy that you like the images. Most of what I write is directly related to something I have seen. So it is the scaryness of my brain that brings these sights to your computer screen. Right now i'm feeling like a babbling fool. Here's something new to feast on.


Messages in pencil

There are masses
Of ribs and bones and dust
gathered beneath the pattern of your step
a repetition of foot-falls,
leaving the dimpled trace of your presence
squiggles and squirrels of my rubber erasure
Blow though the exhaled whisper of lies
They’ve tattered along the edge
But the fray is a fashionable accessory
For the lucky to draw
I can sidestep the frailty of your hands against my skin
There is so much more than wind and rain
Pulling the tides to shore
And so much more than the rush of lust
Beating down the tight planks
That fall between
To build walls instead of bridges

[Emms]

That poem was absolutely beautiful Urnie......wow.....

(I'll come back and leave "real" feedback when I can again form words..)

xoxo
Emms

[SJ]

Great poem,the betrayal of trust was captured really well.

[Urn of Osiris]

SJ - Thank you. I'm glad you could feel that from the poem. Thanks for the feedback I really do appreciate it.

Miss Kitty's B.O.Y. - thanks, I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I hope you've regained you ability to form words, though? I would hate to imagine you're all mute.

Here's the next one. I'm sure it isn't hard to tell what inspired it.


Remember to tip the porter at the door


After a while you just don’t notice
When bloody wounds, became old scars.
or the wrinkle of blister, weathered into callous.

Places seem to change, but underneath, so familiar
Colors fade from the sunlight
And it seems to happen all at once

I can’t remember when I stopped closing my eyes
And seeing your face,
But I’ve finally noticed you are gone.

There are smudges across the glass
That my touch didn’t make
I can’t remember the last time it was wiped clean

The dust has collected in the hall,
Thick and heavy upon the curl of those old mud shoes
I wasn’t the last to wear them

When did I stop moving? I can’t recall.
it seems as though, when I look out, I don’t recognize the reflection
but I know, it didn’t happen all at once.

[onyxsundrops]

It's sad when you whisper to yourself: "If only I could write like that." Wonderful poem, I absolutely loved it.

Yvonne

[SJ]

Great visualisation in your poetry

[Urn of Osiris]

Yvonne - Wow! your words are humbling. Thank you. On a board that has become so thin with feedback, yours was welcome and energizing.

SJ - Thank you, SJ. There are times when I wonder if poetry is worth posting. Thank you for always having something to say. I'd beg for more but I can appreciate a kitten of few words.


For those of you that like it, here's another.





Basic arithmetic


On this map of the world
I can’t find it.
I’ve looked,
And if you would, you wouldn’t see,
It’s not there
Have you stopped to wonder how long gone will last?
It’s forever,
I know.
I’ve looked and it hasn’t returned.
When they lower your lifelessness
Into 8 by 5 by 6
You will feel how eternal gone is.
For once something is, it can never be again.
Wrap yourself around here
it is fleeting
And will soon transition, into gone
And once again you'll be standing above,
Dropping handfuls of nothing
Onto what was once
And will never be again.
When you close your eyes
Don’t try to forget
Force yourself to remember
Everything with matter depends on it
And if we leave one thing behind
Gone will devour, and swallow, and take it to eternity

[SJ]

Great poem.

[onyxsundrops]

I don't even know why I keep reading, I should just scroll to the end and write how much I loved it. As always, great poem.

And if we leave one thing behind
Gone will devour, and swallow, and take it to eternity

I thought this ^ was a wonderful ending.

Yvonne

[Urn of Osiris]

In the marinade


Struggle strengthens the soul
propels us forward
it hasn’t been written or etched
but there is a coveted reward.
Receiving
is never equal to creating
value the labor of others or sweat to purchase.
Carrying the burden is not the same as conception.
You can stack the bricks, one on the other
higher
without mortar
but it will not be solid, or stand strong.
there is always need
for building.
Tools, those hands thick and strong wrap around to forge
still must feel nail to hammer, paper to glue.
Triumph over forcing the square to round
mourn what has been coerced,
for that rose, that climbs the side, is red
and making it white
changes all it was meant to be
destroys how eyes would fall upon it.
Make it not,
what is wanted, dictated or imagined.
Allow it to root where the seed falls
let it struggle in this harsh setting
and eventually
the vines will spread
and stretch to the sky,
to the light that feeds the essence of being
and it will flower into something that was always meant to be.

[onyxsundrops]

Tools, those hands thick and strong wrap around to forge
still must feel nail to hammer, paper to glue.
Triumph over forcing the square to round
mourn what has been coerced,
for that rose, that climbs the side, is red
and making it white
changes all it was meant to be
destroys how eyes would fall upon it.

Simply... wow.

There's this 'statement-like' quality to this poem that I just love. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what I'm trying to say. Your poems are so thought provoking and full of images that make me think and want to write... even if it's just a word or sentence that appears in my mind after reading. Great work.

Yvonne

[vix84]

Allow it to root where the seed falls
let it struggle in this harsh setting
and eventually
the vines will spread
and stretch to the sky,
to the light that feeds the essence of being
and it will flower into something that was always meant to be.

This whole poem is just beautiful. It makes me feel light and happy, but is so powerful at the same time. Trying not to change who you are is something that we've all experienced, and you write about it in such an innocent but affirming way.

[SJ]

Great writing,thought provoking poetry.

[barnabasvamp]

So much self struggle in the beginning, ending with the realization that we are what we will be. Excellent.