It feels good, it feels like poetry

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Hello guys!
After a little while of not being able to really read the wonderful stuff on here, I now have a little bit more time! woohoo. I read a few now and I enjoyed it so much! I just thought I'd share some of mine, too.


Depending on the light

Brightness and selflessness go together
the receiving of light creates an illusion of happiness
the changes appear when least expected; indifferent.
the smoldering shapes inflect on things we cannot perceive
the un-interfered manner in which this is thrown upon-
so deliberately incapable of becoming something else, other than this –
makes the not knowing easier to be suffered quietly.
shapes and sounds smell deliciously empty.
the black, white and red room intimidates the mind in which it exists.
the line is diverged; the unwanted doubt tailors every mood.
the meaning the time used to move in forward is gone
the room is the reality in which we live, upon
lingering, eager slowness, withholding the rafts that keep
the wheel turning and turning


* Note - the credit for the title "Depending on the light" goes to the wonderful and amazing [hr]THea Hillman - http://www.theahillman.com/ [hr]


I was like a disaster waiting to happen

I was like a disaster waiting to happen
And I was like a brown leaf in the fall
And I was like snow on the first sunny day
And I was like the sugar poured in a cup of tea
Like something beautiful that's about to be

I was like a water lily about to drown
And a night nearing dawn
Like sunrays in the dusk
And the stars that shone and shone
I am the one who remained
After everything else was gone


That's it for now guys! I hope you'll like.

Cheers

[Emms]

Wow, really wonderful poems Magic Mama. I especially liked Depending on the light. It was amazing how the theme of the poem danced in and out through such precisly chosen words. Even though I could feel where you were coming from with this one, as with most poetry, it still seemed open to interpretaion, which is spectacular. I'll just add my interpretive thoughts and please feel free to tell me if I'm way off base.

I get the feeling that this poem is about changing dynamics in relationships...That the character in question is in the center of some internal struggle between what they want, what they need, and the fear of the disruption of something they've grown so accustomed to.

the receiving of light creates an illusion of happiness

I feel this line symbolizes the need to appear as if everything is the way it's always been :ie, the pretending of emotions where they are almost lacking if not numbed completely.

I could go on and on speaking paragraph after paragraph on each of the lines in this wonderful poem, but that might become tedious to read so I'll just skip to the conclusion.

Based on what I read, I interpret this poem to be the one-sided view of a relationship that has lost its granduer and about one finding ones place outside the comfortable stability of what outwardly apears to be an entirely livable, functional, heathy relationship but in reality is no more than a shadow against a wax-paper screen.

Okay... I usually am way better at expressing myself....but right now, I'm a little sleepy.

[spikeizmine87]

MEL HAS POEMS! YAY! Im excited, i loved these!!! You should write more, definatly! You rock!

[SJ]

Great poems,thanks for sharing.

[watersong84]

Yo Melissa, I really like your stuff! I especially liked the second poem. The contrast in the first stanza, when it goes from

I was like a disaster waiting to happen

in the first line to

Like something beautiful that's about to be

at the end of that stanza, is wonderful.

[angel of salvation]

oo poems...
i liked them both, but the 2nd one the most. it was great. the whole second stanza is greatness i liked that bit the best.
the first one was very good. the lines sound very cool, to me anyway lol. i espescially liked:

the black, white and red room intimidates the mind in which it exists.
the line is diverged; the unwanted doubt tailors every mood.

*nods* those were great.
thanks for sharing and i hope you write more soon!

Jess xxx

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Heya guys!!

Thank you all so much for reading. I really apreaciate your feedback, and it inspires me. Thank you.

Miss Kittys Ball of Yarn - Thank you so much for your beautiful insight! I thought your interpatation was amazing! To be completly honest, I'm not sure what I wrote it about. When I write, I usually from somewhere in me that I don't necessarily get, like my sub-concious or something of a sort.. Not every peom, but some. And when that happens, It usually takes me a lot of time, in retrospective, to really understand what exactly I was writing about. Sorry if I kinda complicated you a bit there.. hehe.. I sometimes tend to do that. What I loved is how really, wonderfully, you saw something in it that I didn't really see yet. I loved your point of view! thank you for sharing it with me. Please, feel free to do it whenever the insparation hits you.


Rose - Thanks for reading babe! You rock too!

SJ - Thanks! thank you for reading.

[watersong] - thanks so much for reading, Alyssa! hehe.. "Like something beautiful that's about to be" is actually one of my fav lines.

[angel of salvation]- I'm really glad you liked this poem. I had a few second thoughts about it at first, to be honest, so it was really lovely to see how other people react to it. Thanks for reading, Jess!

Okay, now here we go...

[edited because of a little bolded misunderstanding, hehe..]

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Fragments of my

Like fragments of my imagination they spun
Around me like yellow brick stones
Waiting to follow the slowly drawn path

Like shivers down my spine they ran
Around me like fragrances
waiting to attract the following crowd

Like saccharin candies they sugar-
Coated me like milky ways in the dark
Waiting for my next move, always, waiting


Exhale, Inhale

Exhale me before you go to your endless sleep.
Inhale me as you are reborn.
For now I am your breath's existence
And I know the things I know.

Loved between your oxygen system
I am what I wish to be
Maybe just another fear that
This time, you will bleed for me.


That's it for now.. Hope you'll find something in these..

Melissa

[SJ]

Great poems.

[Emms]

Melissa. Hi! I'm glad you've posted some more of your wonderful poems

First I'd like to start by asking about the title to this first poem. Fragments of my Did you intend to title it that way? Because if so, I think that's brilliant. Right off the bat, from just reading the title of this poem I was intrigued, I wondered what part of your psyche was seen as being fragmented. And even though the imagination seems like the obvious choice, i was still taken by surprise. I loved the way that you gave the intangible, substance by painting these fragments into things . For example:

Like fragments of my imagination they spun
Around me like yellow brick stones

and personality with:

Waiting to follow the slowly drawn path

an example of substance is illustrated in the line Around me like yellow brick stones You made them solid almost as if they could be touched and felt and examined physically even though later in the poem you take that tangibility away and exchange it with sensations that can be both felt and experienced though lacking in the immediate tactile expressions of before.

Like shivers down my spine they ran
Around me like fragrances
waiting to attract the following crowd

These fragments seem to be forever evolving, going from one entity to another through an easy flow of words that seem to drift off the screen to float independent of the rest.

I really enjoyed reading both of your poems. I think they are amazing...and I wish I could spend more time highlighting my favorite bits in each, but that might have you at the computer reading feedback for hours on end, while I get lost in side-tangents that probably have nothing at all to do with the point you were trying to illustrate in the first place.

Thank you for posting.

xoxo
Emms

[spikeizmine87]

Loved between your oxygen system
I am what I wish to be

MEL HAS NEW POEMS! WEEE!!! "sits and reads" ooh short...short, to the point...and short poems are great really....cuz sometimes people who prattle on and on and on and never really get to some sort of point in their poems are just STRANNNGE people! Like me, I tend to do that with my poems....me=strange!! heh But i like these! And you should write more...like all the time...it should be a constant flow of your poetry so i can read them...yes....aaaannnd go!!

[angel of salvation]

hurray poems! *reads*

i liked the last lines of the first poem.

Coated me like milky ways in the dark
Waiting for my next move, always, waiting

dunno what is was about them, but it sounded really nice. i liked it.

the second poem...all of it was great. the title was interesting too.
the last verse was the best bit i think

hopw you write more soon please!

Jess xxx

[fun in dysfuntion]

Hey Mel,

These are really great poems. I'm very happy that Hillman has inspired you. There are few poets I can read repetitively, and she is one of them.

I really like in Depending on the Light’s

Brightness and selflessness go together

It’s a profound way to begin this piece.

I found it interesting in I was like a disaster waiting to happen that you contrast disintegration with existence (i.e. person being likened to sugar and snow about to melt yet still remaining in the end).

In Fragments, I enjoyed the line

Like shivers down my spine they ran
Around me like fragrances

The shift from touch to smell is quite beautiful.

The line

For now I am your breath's existence

in Exhale/Inhale conveyed a very intimate bond with another individual to me. I really liked the imagery.

Thank you for sharing,
teddy

[vix84]

Loved between your oxygen system
I am what I wish to be
Maybe just another fear that
This time, you will bleed for me.

That part really struck me.

Come on, Mel, I want to see some more poems. You have amazing talent for words and images.

Thanks for sharing these with us.

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Hey all!

I'm sorry I wasn't around for SO long.. I recently joined the army, and I don't have nearly as much time as I used to have, since I'm home only on weekends. But, now I'm here and I'm finally going to update this thread.. And for all of you who publish here too, I swear, I want to read all of your works, but now, unfortunately, it isn't possible. I will try my best though.
now, first of all, for your lovely Feedback!

SJ Thanks! And thank you for reading.

[Miss Kittys Ball O Yarn] Emms - Thank you so much for your lovely compliments:). The title of the poem was meant to be that way, after I had several dilemmas about how to call it. Just before I posted it here, this name finally struck me and I knew I found the fitting title for it.
Now, to be honest, what I adore in your fb , every time, is that you make me realize things inside my poem that I didn't notice. My writing is usually very intuitive and it takes me a while to realize the true meaning of the poems, but you always seem to notice this interesting things about them. I think that's wonderful. About the fragments as corporal things and then as abstracts thing, I think it represents truly how it comes to me. Fragments of imagination actually refer to the things that make me create, mostly poetry. It starts from an idea, or a feeling, or something else, a song, a picture, something I saw, anything really. The way it flows through my mind is dynamic - it changes all the time... So basically, what you wrote is very accurate, and pretty.
Thank you for taking the time to read and write feedback, I appriciate it. Feel free to write as much fb as you like! hehe.. It makes me feel great, and inspires me.


Roseness - Hey Darling... Thanks so much for reading! I know what you mean about writing long poems that loose their point pretty quickly... I try avoiding it as much as possible... anyway, thanks dear.

[Angel of salvation] Jess - Hey, thanks for reading! I love that line too. With that end I wanted to create a feeling of continuation, of something that exists all the time. Either way, thanks for the fb.


Teddy - Hey dude. Thanks so much for reading! I know I'm SOOO behind on your thread, but I just don't have time to fb it! But you will get an email with my fb , someday.. heh.. Anyway, I do find Thea amazingly inspiring, and lately I've been seeing light as a really strong motive in my poems. It's very cool. I'm glad you like that line, I adore it too.. and yeah, the 2nd one is much more about a connection to a person, if it's erotic, mental, or just a little sick [which, as you know me, is pretty possible.. ] anyway, glad you liked them.


Vix84 Heya! glad you liked that part, that poem has a kinky thing going on, but it still is about a really deep connection with someone and all. anyway, thanks for reading.


Okay ya'll, update now!!

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Eager Love

I have shivered for less than you
I have given myself to fragments of your beloved touch
I was worn in and out to die so slow
in your intoxicating knowledge that my ache
Will not go un-harming for you
My forged walls will not breakdown
to prove the breakthrough of mankind I was worn
out shaved in I have been leaking my blood into you
and I was famished for your flesh and I was thirsty for your juices
and I was graining the grains of sand on the beach
Just to get to you, to be with you, transcending myself into this
Eager love. So heartedly it is taken, such a soft way, like a child's Plasticine heart






The fact that you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not chased


Paranoia creeps once again.
The sentences become fragmented, insecure-
Again I'm afraid of crossing the line.
This time it's with someone I wished I'd never have a line with

Old insecurities bubble to the surface like
Acid inside my throat, silencing me from
All I want to share, and be, with you

The same dear fear – overbearing those
Who I like the most, making the invisible line
A very solid one, making people run- from me
Or after me, [depending on the light]
And still no one to
halt instead of run





*
Feeding off your deficiency.
I still cannot contain the rumors you cannot breathe without.
Finding random things funny while keeping my head clear
Becomes easier and easier every time I do it
And the later you become you, the later you understand what you cannot be.




Okay, that's all guys.. Have a lovely weekend and week!!

Melissa

[LesbianJedi87]

I have shivered for less than you
I have given myself to fragments of your beloved touch [quote]

I probably didnt do that right lol oh well MEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "hugs you" Im so glad you have new poems!!!! I loved the first one!!! The first 4 lines were like :O
I liked all of the poems but this one especially! It spoke to me!! hehe I hope you find more time to write soon!

[SJ]

Great poetry.

[angel of salvation]

oo poems!

I liked the first one the most out of those three. I could feel emotion behind it, but this early in the morning, i can't figure out what it was

I have shivered for less than you
I have given myself to fragments of your beloved touch
---------------
Just to get to you, to be with you, transcending myself into this
Eager love. So heartedly it is taken, such a soft way, like a child's Plasticine heart

those were my fav lines from that poem.

The second poem...the title had me smile a bit then i read the poem and realised it was a lil serious (whoops )
Anyway, it was good.

Old insecurities bubble to the surface like
Acid inside my throat, silencing me from
All I want to share, and be, with you

I know that feeling...

Poem Number three...short and sweet. i like it.
great poems, hope you write more soon!

Jess xxx

[barnabasvamp]

So glad the poetry here has inspired you to share yours, they are very thought provoking.
Exhale Inhale I really enjoyed.

BV

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Okay, I know I'm like, 3 months late but.. lol..
as I wrote before, I'm now in the army [yeah, Israel, it's mandatory and all] and I didn't get to be home a lot. now though, I'm coming home almost every day, so I'm gonna be around! Hope you forgive me for the neglect, and for not reading your stuff - these last 4 months were entirely CRAZY, but it's gonna get better from now on.
so yeah, now FB:

Roseness: thank you for reading this Rose! I'm glad you liked the lines, it's one of my favs too.


SJ - Thanks for reading!

Angel of Salvation - I'm glad you could Identify, and that you liked it.. I do get the not understanding the exact emotion though, sometimes it's a few emotions all blurred together, you know? Thanks so much for reading.

barnabasvamp - This forum and the great people in it inspire me every time. Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed.


Okay, now for poetry...

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Here we are...

Night in Berlin at the end of summer

Night again takes the best of us to the Berlin
Through the blue angel's voice words flow like water.
Und I'm always wondering what shall become of these
Lawless dreams, so inaccurate with hope
And shivering with undefined nights of solitude
The trees stand, the wind blows, and still
We are not the same anymore, something natural
Is quietly, desperately, changing the ways
Praying for gentle touch of metal against their heating back
Night makes all days blossom
Again I fight the quiet rhythm of my own thumping heart



Reality of the insane, meaning everybody


Sugariness is blessed when it's beyond any doubt.
The greatness of the things taken lightly
Shaking the well ordered mental stamina you think is invincible
And undoing the stitches slowly, everlastingly
Making the terms last longer than they usually do.
The sun keeps shining – yet the light is brighter, blinding to the point
Of not seeing, making it worse than when it's dark.
The substance of the objects change from minute to minute
Seeing the times forgotten by others.
This is the reality inside my mind. In all of our minds.
Keeps living, and thinking, and going



punishment for my naivety

Transcending the things I like the most.
wondering why everything's wrong when I'm finally doing something right
and not being able to see beyond what I'm seeing now.
this time I'm frightened these people won't come back.
this time my luck might change
and the times I've waited to keep this love alive
are the days I'll never get back, but are a
punishment for my naivety.
can't even be surprised.

my mouth is dry and my chests still goes up and down.
the room swirls lightly around me.
I'm hot, too hot, I'm almost combusting.
and yet,
I can't even be surprised




Melissa

Hope you like!

[tarawhipped]

Mel, I admit I haven't read all of these, cause I have to be in a certain frame of mind to read poetry, but "Night in Berlin at the end of summer" really grabbed me. It beautifully captures the feeling of lonliness, of wanting and waiting for something to happen amid a palpalable sense that something is lost. I loved these lines/phrases:

I'm always wondering what shall become of these Lawless dreams, so inaccurate with hope[br][br]shivering with undefined nights of solitude[br][br]We are not the same anymore, something natural Is quietly, desperately, changing the ways

I'll read more another day...this one will stick in my head for awhile.

-Cam

[SJ]

Great expressive writing.

[angel of salvation]

great poety once again. I liked the first one the most.
my favourite bit was:

The trees stand, the wind blows, and still
We are not the same anymore, something natural
Is quietly, desperately, changing the ways

I can related to that a lot as my home is going to pot at the moment. *murmurs parents*
anyway, moving on...
great poems and I hope you update again soon!

Jess xxx

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

Heya guys, sorry about the lack of fb, it will come a little later.. for now:


Fuck New Year's Eve

It's New Year's Eve, and I'm sitting here, alone, in my usually full house.

I can feel myself slipping away, the promising capability of youth hiding beneath my torn and defeated eyes.

I am not a victim to morality. Rather, morality is the victim of me, and my incapacity to underestimate the foolishness of this growing guilt monster in me, guilt for rules I did not set.And if I stay too long, I might just die of breathing in this steady rhythm, and watching these fuckin' movies, and pretending to understand the things I only wish I could. Violence grips me in cases of unexpected foreignism. It's always the same icons, icons of society that call to reject icons, only exchanging it to something else, as long as it makes them think. Even for a second. And by that, they seize to be like others. They set a new set of rules, and call themselves anarchists. They set a whole set of icons and call themselves activists.

Silence is incapability masquerading is serenity. In a world when it cannot exist. Between unfortunate times of peace or distress, war and mayhem and bloodshed and tranquility, the fireworks are always loud. There's fire roaming in chests of unfamiliar men and women, waiting for their endless existence to fade away to something they can recognize again, in a place where vanity is not truly an option anymore.

Sex and distraction are opposites in a symbolic way, but are the exactly the same in action of exhilaration, of prime, self need of cleansing. Unable to escape, unable to totally be in one place, people, you and me, looking, always looking, for the next fix of something that bites through our steel solitude, slap us silly and saves us from a life without unconditional feeling. Of warmth in a person's touch, of music ringing in a person's voice, of clenching and unclenching of inner muscles, enveloping us with definite calm. \Music, not silence. Music. Play it\. Play it and keep me alive.

[LesbianJedi87]

mel mel mel....after ages with nothing from you, you come back with some wonderfull prose like this! Which defies my capability to say something interesting and well said about it. Powerfull words. You should take some time out of your busy scheldule (hehe) to post some poetry, I miss it :( This was great Mel, it really was!

[truck_driving_magic_mama]

And the Prime Minister is...

and the nation holds its breath
while the vultures circle above
and the papers say that he's stable
But I just can't help myself thinking.
I have never felt this way before,
an abandoned child at my own home
and I cannot believe how unexpected this feeling is.
but the fact is, that he's good as dead.
and the fact it, that we're now without a dad.
and the fact is, that I used to not care.
But now, in fact, I just cannot compare.
Unbound by the bounds of childhood
unshelled by the ways of adolescence
unbelievably, painfully aware
of all the things it could mean -
and I didn't even decide to vote for him yet.






*Prime minister Ariel Sharon was hospitalized Wednesday night with severe injury to the brain. I wrote this the day after. He did a few awful things in his life, but he also made at least one wonderful thing: our recent withdrawal from the Gaza strip. By that choice, he proved to me [and this is hard], that he made an act of courage and a change of spirit.. I will always credit him for it. In the past couple of years, he gained my trust, although politically I am much more liberal by nature than his political line. He brought Israel to the amazing place where the leftists [equivalent to democrats, in a way] voters and rightists think he's the best option. There's election on March, and I always thought that even if I voted something else [here there are many more than 2 parties], he will be the prime minister. Now I am scared of thinking of what will happen until then, and scared of seeing the two political choices I have before me. He is still fighting for his life. This is the nation's life today. And the nation holds its breath.

[angel of salvation]

great poem. i'm studying political theatre in my performance studies class which means drama, music and dance, but that poem is up there with them. great stuff. i'm not very political but i understand the background to it and the desisions you have laid infront of you.
hope you post more poems soon.

Jess xxx

[barnabasvamp]

Nice work, and so heartfelt!

Keep it up.
BV