" Through it all" ....

[friskylez]

RelativeGirl had a wonderful idea, thought id bring it to life..She mentioned starting a thread regarding "what it is that rejuvenates and reinvigorates us, what inspires us to keep going through it all."



Let me be the first to say, im not a giver upper, never have been, never will be..I joined the Army in 1980, I enlisted as an Air Traffic Controller and proudly served Regular Army for 6 years...Basic training was pretty tough, back in 1980 my battalion in basic trng was the first to go thru with the guys..Before they had the men and women in basic seperated..



Well needless to say, trying to keep up with the guys was pretty tough, but for the most part the women maintained and we earned the guys respect...At the end of basic training, the battalion always goes on a "20" mile march, its 10 miles to the camp site and then 10 miles back, not 20 at one time..



Its not an easy thing, you carry your weapon, you are wearing a steel pot (helmet) which is not a very light thing and you have your rucksack with sleeping bag attached and all the crap inside...And those boots ya have to wear are not lite..Not to mention im only 5'1 and weighed 98 pounds at the time, dont weigh much more than that now



Well to make a long story sort of short, i had a tough time, all that weight and the walking and running took its toll on my knees, i started lagging behind everyone, didnt know if i was going to finish the march...If you dont fininish, you have to go thru basic all over again...I was crying cause my knees hurt so bad, i dreaded every next step..



The drill sergeant kept coming back to me and getting in my face, asking me "do you want to quit little girl" blah blah blah...The guys were great, offering to take my rucksack for me or carry my weapon, i just smiled thru the tears and said nope ill make it...I did, but my knees had swelled up like balloons, the pain was unbearable and i could hardly walk..Went to the doctor the next day and found that i had stress fractures on both knees and achilles tendinitis in my ankle..



The moral of the story is that not wanting to give in, not wanting to let people get the best of me, keeps me going...The old saying "what doesnt kill ya makes you stronger" is the story of my life...I feel like giving up on everything sometimes, life is not easy, but then i think back to basic trng and realize what that did for me..It gave me confidence i never had, made me a stronger person..

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

[slayer747]

what keeps me going...



just the thought that someday, i'd be with someone who will love me as me. who will be willing to stay with me despite my imperfections. i'd like to think that when i am complete, i'd have someone to compliment my completeness. i am a hard person to deal with, i know that...but i sure hope that this someone will be willing to go through this hardships with me. not just "for" me but "with" me, ya know? it's like, when she's afraid, she can be and i'd be the one who's strong, and vice-versa. basically, my belief in the power of true love is what keeps me going...





*sigh*

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[thegirlwiththecurl]

what a beautiful and honest response slayer747! I love it when people admit that they believe and rely on the existence of true love.



Music is something that can always keep me going. If I can just write a song and sing it til the tears stop I know that tomorrow will be better.

[Lindy]

Well, call me idealistic and pathetic, but I still have hope in mankind and evolution. I truly believe we as a whole are not finished yet, because, let's be honest, I just don't see us human beings as the crown of creation. Well, not all of us anyways. But I believe that life in itself will make those who are narrow minded and blind be the ones who lose out in the end. It might not happen in my lifetime, but I am sure it will, one day. Because everyone of this cruel and sick, twisted people is not choosing life, they choose fear.



Evolution tells us that life forces us to fight, to stand strong against the ones who do us wrong. And I am not the one to give up this fight for life, because intelligent people with hearts full of love just deserve to win in the end. There is no other way, and if I spend my life dying for the good thing, you know, not literally, because you can only fight so much when you are dead. Let the masses run into their self created hell and follow the leaders like sheep. The mass never survived, the fittest did, and hell, I am fit and ready.



So, that's my personal philisophy and take of things. Makes my day easier when I can look at stupidity and laugh.



Besides that I still find things that make me feel at ease with the world everyday, tiny things, like a peacefull sunset, or a heartfelt laugh with friends, or meaningfull conversations, things that calm me. And heck, for those moments it's worth all the daily struggle. All the ignorance and the pain brought to me by people who don't even know me disappears completely then. *sigh* Life's great

*********

Buffy: Kill the bad fairy... destroy the bad fairy's
powercenter, whatever, and all the troubles go away? ...

World is what it is. We fight. We die. Wishing
doesn't change that.

Giles: I have to believe in a better world.

Edited by: Lindy  at: 7/9/02 10:03:13 pm

[amelie]

Tell me I am not the only one with a big crush on "slayer747" after reading her comment? I totally agree with you. Also Willow and Tara are an incredible source of help for me. I am looking for someone in the real world but my family isn't the best place to be looking.

[friskylez]

True love is indeed a wonderful thing, finding that one that Slayer747 talked about...Ive become cynical in that area and i must say it keeps me going to see

that people still believe in it...Makes me not want to give up the dream of finding that one...But im not getting any younger

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

[WiccansIllusion]

can I be the first to say that smut keeps me going?

Sorry...I couldn't resist, since almost every thread on the kitten board has it mentioned at least once.



Good thread topic, although at this point this kitten is running on empty so lets say nothing keeps me going, since I hardly go lately at all.



Oh wait thats contradictory, Smut keeps me going.

'It's good to be a chicken casserole'-Sass, answering darkness

'My heart is cleverer then I and it knows what to do.'-MC Legends of the Kiss

[La]

my friends



I have an amazing group of friends and I know they'll always be there to help me through things.



The kitten board has also helped me get through this year in Korea, being so far away from my friends. I've had a wonderful time, and I don't think my time here would have been any less enjoyable, but having the Kitten board to come to and read has made a lot of potentially boring time, more interesting. It's also helped me keep in contact with the rest of the world. Not to mention I've met some great new friends here as well.

~La

You know you've been in Korea too long when you start packing to return to the U.S.

[mollyig]

My mother is an inspiration to me, and she gives me such support when I need it. My Dad died when I was 18, so the last 11 years have been tough for my family, but my Mother, the strongest person I know, keeps me going.



Also music. I'd be lost without music. No matter how deep my despair, there are some songs that just reach into my soul, and light that spark.

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[BethanyB3]

My daughters, I have 2. About a year ago I was told, that I might have cancer. This was due to, what ended up being a false test result. But, before that was concluded I had to have various additional tests, to find out that I was clean. Through it all I found myself realizing that I wasn't as afraid of possibly dying as I was of leaving them. Whatever else I do in this life I know that it is always, in some part for them. That the echoes of my life will positively & negatively (hopefully not as much) affect theirs. It is this thought that helps me get through when stuff isn't so great, or when they are driving me crazy, lol.

****************************************************************

~"Making the decision to have a child--it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."~ Elizabeth St

[Scoobiedoo]

Well, my girlfriend. But more importantly, the idea of true love in general.



I remember when i was back in high school and trying to deal with all that crap stuff you have to deal with (mostly alone), y'know like "Why am I different?/Can't i be like everyone else?" "Am I gay?" "How will my parents/friends react?" "Will they reject me?". The most difficult thing I felt at that time was that I didn't know if all the pain and heartache and worry was worth it. You know what I mean? Like, I'd never loved someone, I'd had crushes sure, but never that full-on i-don't-want-to-spend-a-moment-without-you love. And I'd never felt that love in return. I didn't realise that being gay was not the be all and end all of my life. I could experience love, love someone, be loved in return, have that wonderful warmth in my heart wherever i went. I was worthy of love, and that's what makes all the crap you have to go thru by being gay worth it, something worth fighting for. It's love after all. What else are we here for? And I'm sorry if it offends you, but I'm gonna do it goddamn it, and if u wanna stop me, that's your problem.



Sorry, i've moved into rant mode, but to me, that's why W/T was so important. To me at least. They said, you're gay, sure, fine, whatever, but your life sure ain't over. You will love. You will fall in love. You get to share your life with someone who understands you, who believes in you, who wants to be around you all the time. And that makes it all worth it.



That's what gets me through.

--------------
This is love

Edited by: Scoobiedoo at: 7/10/02 4:43:54 am

[concrete]

My mom

My sis

My friends

The Rolling Stones

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer – W/T

EastEnders

Lavish diners; exquisite food with lotsa fine wine

Museums

Cashewnuts

Cheese

Okay, it’s not much perhaps but they do it for me !

It's not so much that I'm always right, it's just that I'm never wrong
Time cannot erase.....the memory of your face

[ninjitsugrrl]

Allow me to be a bit unorigional and quote Ani Difranco, "Art is why I get up in the morning,/ but my definition ends there./ You know, it doesn't seem fair/ that I'm living for something I can't even define."

Also, I agree all of this other wonderful stuff that people are mentioning.

For me:

My best friend

Hope

Optimism

My pets - the world can't be all bad when my cat and dog are so freakin' cute!

Poetry

Good Books

Kind people and true individuals



I like this thread!

"What you held in your hand,/what you counted and carefully saved,/all this must go so you know/how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.." - Naomi Shihab Nye


My Homepage

[TrueXena]

Wow so many things get me through every single day.



I can so relate to your story friskylez! I didn't go through basic when you did, nor do I think I had it as bad as you. (seeing as you were the first co-ed class and all) But I did the march like you, with the drill sergeants barking at me the whole way. I made it just tho, and I when I went to the doc I had 4 stress fractures in my pelvis. (now that crap hurt) But I made it through. Spent 3 years in the Army as Military Police, met my husband, got married, and got preggers within those years too.



But onto what gets me through most of all, my daughter. She was not expected, but she was a wonderful and VERY welcomed surprise.



I had her in Feb of 2000, and I'm so not the typical 'mom' type. I mean when my own mother says "gosh its just so hard to believe your a mother!" it makes me kinda wonder. I opted to get out of the Military once I had my daughter, so I could take more than 9 weeks to spend learning how to care for this new facet in my life. So I was out of the Military by March of 2000, and back home close to my own mother, and all the advice she could heap onto me. It was July 2000 when I went into the hospital with some major stomach aches (they had been going on for about a month but just got so bad I was doubled over from it) and they found a tumor in my colon. (what a shock) I didnt really have much time to react to this, as I went in on a Sat (noonish) they found the tumor by that night, and I was in surgery by Sunday morning. (not a whole lot of time at all to get all "sorry for myself" thing going) But I was never really worried. The Doc's all said I was doing well after surgery, and chemo would just be and added precaution. I was not so sure about the chemo tho. As I watched my mother go through it while I was still in high school, and I so didnt want to be that sick just as a precaution.



I had a week of recovery to think about this tho and the only thing running through my head was my daughter. I would and could do anything in the world to make sure she had a mother to turn to when she needed one. So 6 months of Chemo, and 4 months of radiation.



So yeah, she is what gets me through. No matter how hard life is, or how many bad hands I get delt, she will ALWAYS get me through day by beautiful day.



Together



When we struggled through some painful trials And cried too many tears,

We found new strength -- together.



It was when we looked into each other’s eyes And saw the other's soul,

We knew we would stay -- together.



We found there is nothing we cannot conquer, No mountain we cannot climb,

As long as we are -- together.



We discovered the joy only love can bring And laughed our tears away.

That happens when we are -- together.



Mother And Daughter



They both remember days gone by, A little girl at play, The way her trusting arms reached out for hugs at end of day. The bond they share will never fade, One shaped through joys and tears. For what they share still gives them strength And grows throughout the years. Uniquely joined, forever linked, Still strong when they’re apart. A mother’s love is gently etched Into her daughter’s heart.

---------------------

Tara: "C-can you just be kissing me now?" - in 'Entropy'

Tara: "Its good to be a chicken casserole." -in 'Answering Darkness' By: Sassette

Tara: "Evil's....good." - in 'Seeing Red' (shooting script)

[kyraroc]

What keeps me going is that I genuinely like the world.



Which may sound odd coming from someone who's been through a couple of suicide attempts, another disturbingly close call as a result of anorexia, and such like (an abusive relationship is no fun at all.) But I got through them, and I'm still here.



Because I like it here. This is my life and I want to make the most out of it. No matter how bad things have gotten, I eventually figured out that I don't want to leave. There is still fun to be had, beauty to be enjoyed, things to see and people to do, and I don't want to miss a moment of it.



And if there is a place where beauty is lacking, maybe I can help fix that, too.



--- KR

[La]

kyraroc, I really agree with you and your post left me nodding and smiling. While I can't say as much that I like the world (too much hate and fighting), I truly like my world and my life. And while I haven't had as many bad experiences as you have, I have gone through a suicide attempt, my grandmother's suicide which made my mother suicidal and my father's extreme alcoholism and the resulting mental abuse. But I have gotten through all of this (due in large part to my friends, which I named above as what gets me through), and see my life and the person I've become as wonderful things. I always wake up looking forward to whatever the future may bring.



You've really put me in a good mood with your post, it's so unusual that I meet someone who says something so close to the way I feel about "life".

~La

You know you've been in Korea too long when you start packing to return to the U.S.

Edited by: La at: 7/10/02 9:16:05 am

[Tulipp]

Can I add the (probably impossibly dorky) thought that one of the things that keeps me going is...reading? The thought that someone will capture in a sentence or a passage a feeling that rings true with how I feel? This is something that, when I encounter it, makes me feel connected.



I always used to think of this as reading books, etc., but of course reading what others say on the Kitten board counts, too.

[feena191]

My sister.....my soulmate....they complete me



edited to add

The 1st thing I thought of when I read this Post's title "Through it all"... was the Robbie Williams' song Angels



I sit and wait

Does an angel contemplate my fate

And do they know the places where we go

When we're gray and old

'Cos I've been told that salvation lets their wings unfold

So when I'm lying in my bed

Thoughts running through my head and I feel that love is dead

I'm loving angels instead



Chorus :

And through it all she offers me protection

A lot of love and affection

whether I'm right or wrong

And down the waterfall

Wherever it may take me

I know that life wont break me

When I come to call she won't forsake me

I'm loving angels instead



When I'm feeling weak and my pain walks down a one way street

I look above and I know I'll always be blessed with love

And as the feeling grows

She breathes flesh to my bones

And when love is dead

I'm loving angels instead



[Chorus]

--------------------------

"Everytime I... even at my worst, you always make me feel special. How do you do that?"

"Magic!"

Edited by: feena191  at: 7/10/02 4:30:12 pm

[Scout]

Kyraroc your post reminded me of my favorite saying: "She cried every day. Not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short."



As for me, I've always been a nature lover and an environmental activist. I spend most of my time (well, when I'm not on the Kitten) doing environmental work. I'm a volunteer for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, the Sierra Club, and for several nonprofits around the Chesapeake Bay. Ever since I was little, I've loved being out in nature, and I've had this overwhelming need to help it. The drive has never gone away and it will never let me rest unless I'm doing something constructive. So no matter what is going on in my life, I have that and it's always given me a purpose.

[Epicurus]

The thing that keeps me going (or rather, keeps me sane) in this world is that I never stop questioning it. I’d rather ask a question which could never be answered than sit back and take something for face value. The day I stop questioning life and the people around me is the day my life ends.



On a softer note, another thing that gets me though the day is being able to look into the eyes of my nephew, as sappy as that sounds. He’s 8 months old and has yet to be corrupted by the world. I look up to him in a sense because he is the perfect human being… he knows not what “hate” means nor what a terrorist is; He doesn’t understand that people kill each other and some people see love as a sin.

I try and see the good in this world for his sake and end up making myself a little happier in return.

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance
and conscientious stupidity."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Edited by: Epicurus at: 7/10/02 4:48:07 pm

[friskylez]

Wow im liking this thread, great idea RelativeGirl Another soldier reports in cool TrueXena and an MP to boot...What a wonderful story about your mother and your daughter, i am very close to my own mom so i could relate..I think your daughter is very lucky to have a mom like you



Kyraroc, I know exactly where you are coming from, somehow like you i decided to keep going...I have my parents to thank for that, their love and support thru many years of "troubles" was such a blessing..



And i love what all of those who have posted here have said regarding what keeps them going...Sometimes it is the little things in life isnt it

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

[Zahir al Daoud]

What gets me through?



Well, there're several pieces of music that always make me feel better. One is the oldie "Pennies From Heaven."



Many types of art help me, especially (for me) dramatic arts like films or certain t.v. shows. During high school, re-reading Ayn Rand's Anthem kept me sane and (mostly) non-suicidal.



Being a history geek, true stories of heroism help me.



And most of all, the sight (or even memory) of my fiancee's eyes and smile lighten my load beyond words. Even finding her, after so many years of searching, is to me proof that Hope is Real.

"O Let my name be in the Book of Love!
If it be there I care not of that other Book above.
Strike it out! Or write it in anew, but
Let my name be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kayam

[Latsric]

When things look impossible and it seems like the hole world is against me, my baby brother gets me through it all.



I was 10 when he was born and since my mom had her tubes tied 8 years before, he was my family's little miracle. Since he was born he's had countless medical problems and now he's been diagnosed with Lupus. He's fourteen now and everyday is pretty painful for him, but he's still as active and full of wonder as ever. Seeing him enjoying life despite its obstacles gets me through everything.



-lat-

- I need my obsessions, they keep me sane -

[slayer747]

lastric, you remind me of what mulder said to scully:



Never give up on a miracle.

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[Gatito Grande]

I was trying to reassure a friend tonight, and this passage from a favorite book came to me. It expresses what gets me "through it all"---maybe it can do the same for another.



***But even while she was talking, other thoughts were passing in the back of her mind. "Even now," she thought, "almost no one remembers Esteban and Pepita, but myself. Camila alone remembers her Uncle Pio and her son; this woman, her mother. But soon we shall die and all memory of those five will have left the earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."***



_The Bridge of San Luis Rey_, Thornton Wilder.



GG And that bridge will *always* unite Willow and Tara Out

[relativegirl]

Different things at different times get me through, but here are 3:



1. Kittens, for which I thank you all.



2. e pur si muove -- my screen saver at work, sorta the slogan de mi vida. Supposedly the words that Galileo muttered right after he gave in to the Roman Catholic Church and publicly renounced his belief that the earth rotates around the sun and not vice versa. Galileo published his position on the heliocentric universe and, like Copernicus, was branded a heretic by the Church. Eventually he buckled under the pressure of the Inquisition and recanted, publiclly abjuring all his beliefs. Legend has it that as he rose from his knees after renouncing his beliefs before the court of the Inquisition, he muttered e pur si muove -- and yet it moves.



The Inquisitors won, they defeated Galileo, and yet the earth still moves around the sun, then as now, no matter what the Church or anyone else said. So even though they won, it didn't really change the reality of our world. What is, is.



I guess what it means to me is that even if I am confronted but as formidable a foe as the Roman Catholic Church in 1633 and even if I am broken and I fail . . . what is, is. Everything that is real and good and true is still going to be real and good and true even if I fail and betray it all. And the earth still rotates around the sun and it is gonna come up tomorrow no matter what has happened today or how miserably I may have failed.



3. The very last scene of If These Walls Could Talk 2 where Ellen DeGeneres and Sharon Stone have just found out they're finally pregnant. Natalie Cole's "Everlasting Love" is playing over the scene, and Ellen and Sharon are dancing and kissing and hugging and dancing and kissing some more, because they are bursting with such joy.



I'm not in love with the whole movie, but for me the last scene is a slice of heaven because I finally get to see the end of a show with lesbian lovers overwhelmed with joy and happiness and love for each other and for life. While Natalie sings one of the most joyful songs ever recorded.



It is the absolute antithesis in every possible way to the last 5 minutes of Seeing Red.



Everytime I see it, it helps me remember that somewhere in the world, at this very moment, there are two lesbians experiencing incredible joy and love.



And since Seeing Red, it reminds me that if you could somehow look at every lesbian couple in the world at any given moment, the image of millions of happy women dancing in their bathrooms is infinitely more realistic than even one woman being struck down by a magic loop de loop bullet as she stands by a second story window while her lover watches her die.



What is, is. Happy-dancing lesbians in love, is.



Nothing that Mutant Enemy does can ever change that. Even if it feels like they may have won, they haven't really. Not as long as somewhere in the world lesbians are happy-dancing in their bathrooms. E pur si muove. And yet we dance.

~ If I should rock you,
the whole world would rock within my arms ~

Edited by: relativegirl at: 7/12/02 1:43:14 am

[friskylez]

i read RGs post and i too love that scene she spoke of ..It made me feel good inside and happy..Happy because as RG says somewhere out there is a couple who has discovered what being in love is all about..And that is what we all want out of life..To be happy and content and loved..

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

Edited by: friskylez  at: 10/10/02 5:59:36 pm

[slayer747]

Quote:

---

The daily thread is about what makes us cry

---

it would be my parents who make me cry a lot. both of them are abroad, divorced, living with their own families... i would send them letters but won't return them. i would call only to be talking to the answering machine. they don't understand me and they don't try to. they are the type of parents who just send checks. they constantly forget my borthday and when i reason with anyone of them... i am the disrespectful daughter. my mom is supposed to go home next week to visit me but she cancelled it until next year. and my dad... i don't even want to start how he does.



frankly, i haven't been crying for a long time and the last time i did i think was when tara died, that's it. everytime i feel bad, my tears won't fall... i dunno why, but i guess it is because there have been so many bad things that happened in my that i learned how to be "strong" (not just for me but for everyone, my parents aren't really that supportive, i have to be the 'adult' everytime they screw up)... i know it is not a good thing. it is unhealthy, but everytime i try, i can't.



my friend told me earlier that i changed drastically, she has known me for 4 years and she told me that i am acting the way i am (she told me i am having a rebellion) because i am angry... and i realized that it is true. i have been angry for a long time. i can't figure out when it started but i think it was just all pent up pain. i used to cry a lot, it reached the point that i felt crying doesn't help anymore. or at least it won't change things for me. i want to cry right this moment, but my tears still won't fall.



okay, i'm OTing again, i think. and i'm sorry... that is one thing about me posting... one thought leads to another...

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

Edited by: slayer747  at: 7/12/02 8:23:01 am

[kpmuse]

Forgiveness, as described this way, is my rock --- "Forgiveness is not about helplessly accepting, giving up, surrendering to defeat, being weak, or avoiding the cost of justice. It's about how you hold in your heart a terrible wrong, while you act in the world to correct that wrong."



I always think about this because when I am darkened by anger or fear or pain it's next to impossible for me to clearly see the best & most healing way to proceed. When I forgive, I feel more able to move constructively forward in life. I don't know who the author is, but I find this approach really invaluable for me.



Forgiving ME and this situation is not even in the horizon yet for me, but I will get there to find the best way forward. I will always hold Willow & Tara in my heart, and will never forget. I will work tirelessly to correct the wrong done, forever, if need be.



My family and friends help get me through. They don't always understand, but I always feel rejuvenated by them, and hopefully they with me! We laugh so much!



Willow & Tara's love gives me hope.



Every Kitten here helps get me through! A visit here makes me remember that there are really good people in this world! Thank you yet again Kittens!



Finally, smut! Oh yes! Smut has magical healing powers!



Oh wait! A good bath and nice piece of chocolate cake! Gotta love the cake!

Kristine


Tara & Willow Forever

[slayer747]

as for the forgiving ME part, i'm not yet up to it either... though Jane already did apologize, i'm still working on it.

------------
"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"