The Relationship Issues Thread

[Willow Rocks]

Mod Note: This is a thread where you can post about all types of relationship issues.

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Mods feel free to move it, but i had no where else to write this down and talk to someone about it.



Ive been with my boyfriend now for over 7 months and i really do love him i do, well we've been going through a bad patch really anyway on wednesday night we patched things up and decided to go out to our local pub, where a few of my mates were anyway we all got really drunk and when he went home, i decided to stop at my female best friends house.



Anyway on the way to her house we kissed. It was the first time id properly kissed a girl before and to cut a long tory short we ended up in bed together and ended up heavily making out till way after 4 in the morning. Anyway woke in the next morning about 8ish, completly sober (i knew by the headach) we were still cuddling and we lay for about half an hour, with our eyes closed and out noses touching, it was the most intense thing ever, but we broke away and were like no can't happen again.



That lasted all of 2 minutes and all of a sudden we were back kissing, my boyfriend even rang in the middle to make sure we wee ok, we kissed till after 10 then i got up and felt really guilty, got dressed and went downstairs while she got ready.



We chatted, although things we weird between us and we met with another of our good friends. Anyway that night we chatted on MSN and we both said how we didn't regret it but it could never happen again, we were (and both are) feeling really guilty.



Friday night came and i was at work, then i was due to go to a party afterwards, at which was the first time id seen my boyfriend, since wednesday, as he came to suprise me, as he knew he wouldn't see me till Sunday, anyway i felt guilty but didn't let it beome obvisious (though i was slightly different with my friend) anyway he got in a taxi and left (he lives in a different town) and somehow after waving him off i was in the porch with her alone again and we discussed what had happened and how and that first and formost it couldn't happen again.



Well it did and not just the once, in the porch, in her parents room and in her brothers room. I mean these kisses were nothing compard to the other night, but still i felt even more guilty.



I do love my boyfriend. I have known i am bi-sexual for a while (a discovery about myself this board actully helped me through), but im not sexually atractted to my best friend. Yes she's a good looking girl but i don't find her HOT, so why does it keep happening? I don't want u's to think im a bad person either, i would never have contomplated cheating on anyone i am firmly against it, so why has this happened three times now?



I'm not sure why i posted this i just needed to get it off my chest and we can't tell anyone in case it gets out, as it would certainly ruin the relationship im in now.



Thanks for reading this

Edited by: BytrSuite at: 11/2/03 10:00 pm

[Tempest Duer]

Wow, that's a real mess to be in. I can't think of a better place to post it though, so I'll put in a response instead of whining at the mods to move it.



Since you don't know why you posted this, I won't really know why I'm replying, but hey, what's this place for if not to talk about what's happening to us and such? I hope you straighten things out.



No pun intended.

I believe in the madness called "now."

[Gatito Grande]

WR, I just wanted to tell you that I can relate. I have a best friend, who I just love to pieces. She's married, and I'm not sexually attracted to her . . . I think. But at the same time, if she wanted to "do it" w/ me, I almost certainly would, because I love her so much. So what does it mean, to say that I love her, but I'm not sexually attracted to her, but at the same time I would make love to her in a hot second? What does that say about me? About us? About neither of us really daring to bring this out into the open (I'm certain she's at least curious about the two of us together, if not more).



It's all very confusing. All I can tell myself is: she's married, and I don't want to risk damaging our friendship (if not her marriage---and there's a child, my namesake, involved too).



I don't know what to tell you, WR. But I think you know that, if your intimate relationship w/ your boyfriend is to survive, you're going to have to be honest w/ him at some point. Do you feel like you need to have f/f sexual expression in your life now? (I'm bi, and was married, but honestly never felt the need for f/f at *that* time) Would he be at all open to something more open or polyamorous? There's no way that can happen w/o radical honesty. What about your relationship w/ your boyfriend is lacking (other than the obvious), that you felt the need to seek out (or even allow) this other thing to happen?



Finally, I'm always concerned to hear about "questionable" sexual decisions made while intoxicated---that's a whole other issue (ask Mrs.Vertigo about the mantra "When I get drunk, stupidity ensues!" ).



I think you seriously need to get in touch w/ yourself, WR. Look within for some answers.



GG Good luck! Many Kittens are w/ you in spirit (and "been there, done that" ), I'm sure. Out



ETA: I'm just remembering that I had this discussion w/ Mrs. V on the the Sex Ethics Thread---that's probably where this belongs.

Edited by: Gatito Grande at: 11/2/03 9:45 pm

[intricate mirage]

Gatito Grande has pretty much voiced out my perspective on this matter too. You said that your boyfriend and you have been going through a rough patch, you may wish to consider whether this rough patch could have taken a toll on your relationship with him. Some people grow stronger together, but sometimes things change and not necessarily for the better.



As to why it happened 3 times with your best friend, only you will have the answer to that. Although both of you have agreed to not have it happen again, the fact is that it did, so you need to bring it out into the open between the two of you and hopefully by doing it, you will be able to gain a clearer perspective and hopefully the reasons why you did it even after agreeing not to. There may be issues you'll have to face up to and that includes possible feelings for her.



Your relationship with your boyfriend ought to be given due concern too. It isn't fair to him either to keep it from him. However, you may wish to consider talking to him after you have sorted out your thinking and when you're ready.



Hope everything works out fine for you.

~ Cassie

---

My fountain of strength that never runs dry

You are the shooting star across the midnight sky

Edited by: intricate mirage at: 11/3/03 12:16 am

[undertheirspell]

I don’t like to give advice, I just wanted to post to tell you that I hope you work it out for yourself, because that is who will be suffering in the end if you keep this bottled up. Hope you work things out.

Gina



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"The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll get it right." ~~~ In This Diary, By - The Ataris

[Willow Rocks]

First of all i would like to say thanks to the kittens here, who always find a way to help each other out, now i am a5t now means a regular poster here (a regular lurker though!) but i always find this board is the first place i come if i need to talk and get some advice in situations where i can't really talk to no one else.



I think u are all right the only way i am going to be able to sort this is to talk to her properly, with no alcohol invloved, as since the incident on halloween the only time we have talked has been online, and i think this needs to be sorted out face to face.



And i may be a bad person but i don't feel i have the guts to talk to my boyfriend about it, as i would almost certainly loose him not only as a lover but as a friend, which i don't want, but on the other hand i don't think i can be myself anymore while i keep lieing, but in not saying anything i am being really selfish arn't i?



God when did life get so complicated!?

[willowsgirl]

Hey willow rocks,

wow thats some situation you've got there- sounds like an episode of dawson's creek! On a serious note though, you're right when you say that the kitten is the 1st place you'd come to for advice, there are so many wonderful people here more than willing to help you out.

I agree with you, you really need to tal to your best friend properly and get things sorted out in your head, definitely before you speak to your boyfriend- if you do that is.

So, this post was really just to wish you luck, and tell you to keep smiling, cos there'll always be someone here for you to talk to



willowsgirl/stacey xx

[Mrs Vertigo]

I have a hypothetic question: say I have this friend , and she's 17. And say she's never been in a relationship, not because she hadn't wanted to but rather because the opportunity never came along. And, well, say that it's possible that the opportunity just might be popping its pretty head 'round the corner and flashing her hypnotizing grin. Or rather, two, rather differing but equally tempting opportunities might be doing just that.



And say this friend is scared shitless that she will screw this up.



Because, A) she's never done this before, and therefore will act like a total goof/spas.



B) Has no idea who she should choose. On the one hand there is the hippy 17-year old who lives two hours' drive away. My friend knows she could love this girl as surely as she knows this girl will break her heart ten times over. On the other hand is the mysterious 19-year old who lives about half an hour away… of whom my friend knows nothing, but wants to know everything.



So… should my friend two-time? If so… for how long? Should she instead tell one girl about the other? Should she curl up in a fatal position and hide until the moment has come and gone and she's missed it?





HELP!!!

I love my long lost Jewish little-potato twin. In a prison way.

[Gatito Grande]

Er, um, in regards to the above, I hope your "friend" is making all difficult relationship decisions while Clean-n-Sober . . . and you can tell her I said so!



Thus spake Gatito: Two-Timing is Of The Bad. However, exploring multiple relationships simultaneously may be Of The OK. Your "friend's" conscience---if in an unaltered state, as duly instructed---ought to tell her which is which.



. . . and you don't have to be Jewish to feel guilty, Mrs.V, but in this case, it couldn't hoit!



GG Sorry, too many Woody Allen movies. Good luck! Out



[Pondering the distinctions between the Relationships thread and the Sex Ethics thread ]

[Vampivy]

Willow Rocks, I really sympathize with your dilemma. When I was a teenager I did more than my share of things I’m not proud of while intoxicated. Now as an adult on the rare occasion that I do drink all I’m reminded of is why I don’t like to drink like I use to as a teenager. Hangovers suck, but most of the time there are just certain things said and done that probably shouldn’t be while under the influence.



This past Saturday I went to a party for my 15-year-old cousin. It’s a tradition to celebrate in grand style when a girl in our family turns fifteen. That and we need very little excuse in this familia for a party, to tell you the truth. Mexican families, yay . So, I made the mistake of letting my uncle make and serve my drinks which contained way too much tequila, but it had been a while since I had a few and so I did. Now, my little regret as a result of my drinking is that otherwise I never would have gone online and chatted here at the Kitten. I’ve never really been a fan of chatrooms. I used to do the chat thing elsewhere along time ago and it left me feeling very disenchanted. Here I know if I gave it a real chance I’d meet some really great people but I guess I just don’t know what I would say once I’m there. Leave it to me to go chat here and drunk of all things too . I’m sure it was interesting for all . Actually it was quite enjoyable. Everyone was very nice. I just wish I would have been sober that’s all.



Keep in mind that that is nothing compared to other things I did while intoxicated. Things involving my best friends (at the time) mom and my other friends much older sister, which I am so not going into detail about here .



Look, I say this. Either no more drinking or simply do whatever you’d like to do if you can live with the consequences of your actions afterwards. If you find yourself questioning your actions then maybe you shouldn’t go there. That little voice inside you can be annoying at times but it serves its purpose too.







Mrs Vertigo, Willow Rocks I wish you both luck in deciding what is best for you. Or your “Friend”

Take care you guys.



Patty

~ Darkness, Imprisoning me. All that I see, absolute horror. I cannot live. I cannot die. Trapped in myself. Body, my holding cell. - Metallica ~

[Spikeizmine87]

oh i love this thread! Ok i wanna share my pyscho story that confusses me everyday! Ok, i like this girl val at my school, she makes me feel so good when i see her. she treats me like a person and she understands me. i havent felt this way in a long time. i think i have more feelings for her then i had with my ex girlfriend. me and val talk alot in letters and online, but when we talk in person we dont say much. i avoid eye contact cause being around her makes me sooo nervous! i get all mumbly and yeah its terrible! I have it bad!! Anyway, she knows i like her and stuff, and i get all flirty when i talk to her online, but sometimes i feel like the feeling isnt mutual. shes been hurt in the past with her ex, and im trying to be there for her and help her if she needs it, im trying to help her move on and make her see that she should love again. i think im falling in love with her but im too afraid to tell her what i really feel because im afraid of the reection, i like her soo much! "sigh" she's a senior and will be leavin in july so if i want something to happen its gotta happen NOW. I just dont know what to do! grr argh! thanks for lettin me vent!

-Rose



I loves me AMber!

[Mrs Vertigo]

GG baby, my drinking days are SO over, thank you very much. They only lasted about 6 months, but boy was that enough. The misrable results of that you could read up in the sexual ethics thread... but I'd really rather believe I've banged my head against enough very-solid walls to ensure there would be no reason to dig up old dirt.



... And I am Jewish! Like you didn't know. Humf. And I'm also have my fair share of Polish blood - so there's guilt a-plenty.



So, GG, you're kind of Resident Responsible Adult. Or, at least Adult... therefore more experianced and quite possibly not as dumb . Could I ask a direct (i.e rude) question? ... like how old were you when you first got involved in a relationship and was it the right decision at the time? Just, y'know, smack me if I'm outta line







Spikeizmine87, lemme make a different point. I think it might not be such a good idea to tell her how you feel just right now. I think what you really should do is spend more time with her and try to see whether your (endearing!! ) crush is requainted. The internet can be a very confusing mediom and the written word doesn't carry half the meaning that voice and body language do. Plus, if you two do date eventually, you're not going to do it online anyway . So my advise would be to see this girl more often - and then see whats up. G'dluck!

I love my long lost Jewish little-potato twin. In a prison way.

Edited by: Mrs Vertigo at: 11/4/03 1:30 am

[SJ]

Spikeizmine87 I'd tell her how you feel about her at least then you'll know if she feels the same way.

[intricate mirage]

Spikeizmine87 Sounds like it's gonna be quite a rush. This happened to me last year too. SJ and Mrs Vertigo's advice combined, I kinda did a little of both. See she was leaving in December, so I dropped a little hint that I like her in the more than friends kinda way in July. But neither did I push for anything to happen. After that, with that fact out in the open, we spent more time together and got to know each other much better. I personally feel that was much better, rather than rushing into the whole 'something has to happen now' gig. And one thing's for sure, you may want to shift some of the communication you guys have in letters and online to real life. There's quite a difference that I can tell you. As Mrs Vertigo said, if you're gonna be dating, it's certainly not gonna be online. Hehe. Best of luck!

Cassie





Ask me if I loved you yesterday. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I love you today. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I'll love you tomorrow. I'll say 'Always'

Edited by: intricate mirage at: 11/4/03 8:07 am

[AmberAlysonlover]

I have been with my girlfriend, Heather for an year and a few months now. The thing is she lives in Glasgow while I live in Cardiff, so its a hard for us. I really love her and miss her like crazy but she really got to me last nite. She went out last weekend and then told me she wanted to date a girl in Glasgow but she still loves me.



Now call me stupid, but if she loved me then she wouldnt have to date this girl. Sure it;'s hard for us but I thought she really loved me, yet Im not sure. I wouldnt do this to her and I wouldnt even ask her this. She wants a girlfriend closer and keep me for afters I guess. My god, I hate it! I cried myself to sleep over it.



I enjoy sex, I love it with her. yet we never have any anymore. I mean u know cyber, phone or txt sex. I cried myself to sleep over that too. I mean she wont touch me with a pole but she wants to shag another girl......then she wont do it with me, her real girlfriend! She has made me mad coz I thought what we had was true....but its not.



I love her and I want her......all I want is for her to want me too. Oh I guess I will go and look at Amber and Britney again 2nite.....

[Gatito Grande]

Oh, I knew you were Jewish, Mrs. V . . . but is your "friend"?



And as to my status as Resident Responsible Old Far---I mean "Adult": those who can't do, teach, right? Those who can't get any, pontificate knowingly to the lucky young b*stards who are.



How old was I, when I got involved in a relationship? So, time to humiliate GG, huh? I think my sorry story is over on the Sex Eth thread, but for those who want the guffaw, w/o scrolling through Kitten pages, no one got into GG's shorts except the one and only sex partner, the (altogether now) ex-husband, when GG was old enough to be some of your parents, age 29.



He wasn't my first relationship, ever, but none previous went very far (though I claim the picturesque detail that my first French kiss was from a Frenchman . . . in a hot tub no less! Ah, misspent youth: I was 18). I do have a tale of drunken near-debauchery: my freshman year in college, I tied one on, and started wandering the dorm halls, I think propositioning half of my hallmates. Fortunately, my roommate yanked me back in our room before disaster occurred! (Thank you, Debbie K., wherever you are.) A soccer player I fancied a couple of years later got the distinction of seeing my knockers in all their nekkidness. So, you see, I can give demonstrable proof that I could have gotten laid at a slightly less ripe age . . . but I was holding out for luvvvvvv dontcha know. (Said still w/ a tinge of bitterness---divorce, the gift that keeps on giving. )



So I guess the question for me is, do I regret *not* having a sex at an earlier age? Not nearly as much as I regret not having any now (um, other than Beloved Righty )! While, in general, I'm still a believer in love as a prerequisite for sex, I think there may have been an element of pregnancy-phobia as well (in turn related to Judeo-Christian guilt: "If I have sex w/o love, birth control will fail. Count on it." ) Far more damaging, however, was the religious upbringing in its contribution to internalized homophobia (of course). While intellectually I got past it at 19, the psychic residue is far, far deeper. If I'd been raised in a gay-positive, or even a gay-neutral nuclear family, the chances that I would have gotten my groove on w/ some hot chick , or even met the Grrl-Love of My Life *By Now*, are immensely greater. (F*cked-up up-bringing: the gift that never stops giving. )



Well, what ya get w/ Ol' GG, is a finely (?) aged whine. Shutting up now. I think you youngsters can probably tell I'm getting vicarious jollies from hearing some of your tales of woe and whoa! Carry on!



GG Sure would love to have a relationship I was in now to talk about---though preferably on the Happy Feelings thread! One of these days . . . Out



[i.e. GG's still available: get me while I'm hot! (Just wipe away the cobwebs on my Singles Thread post )]

[Mrs Vertigo]

And don't I feel like a slut now.



Oh GG my sweet… That is a long, troubled route you've taken. While I just mostly let any reasonably-attractive and willing partners have their way with me. But again we are straying to the Sex Et topic.



However;

Quote:

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F*cked-up up-bringing: the gift that never stops giving

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I’d like to take a second here to get long-winded and wordy about that, if you don't mind…



My dad… wasn't the best of dads. As in, around the time I was born he was already an alcoholic, unemployed, emotionally unstable, and just generally a loose canon. He was only sober for two weeks after I was born, for which he compensated immediately with a good 12 months during which he hardly even knew I existed.



About a year later my mother smartened up and divorced him. That's when the good times started: he would drink horribly, hassle my mom (from sliced tires to pressing charges), never pay alimonies, etc. I don’t remember much about that time - I was very young when it all went on, 3-7 years old. But my mother says my father abused me and my brother (who is 4 years my senior). Not molested or hit, thank god – just emotionally and mentally abused. Its actually kind of funny how I have no memories of him from that time, save a few scattered images. That and a feeling, like I should smash something… I don't know, it's weird.



Anyway, after a few years we moved out to a small town. Then, when I was 11, he simply stopped calling and returning calls, coming to visit, etc. He didn't disappear but he simply cut me and my brother off for four-five years. I think I was about 14 when for the first time in my life I realized that I didn't love him, but rather hated him with a passion. When he finally did reappear in my life last year I saw him a couple of times and then basically told him to go fuck himself. I decided I do not want this man, and the things he can do to make me feel so terrible, in my life now or in the future. My mother supports my decision, as she does my brother's to keep seeing him.



I've always had a problem with older men. Not 30-older, I mean 45+ type older. I dislike, fear and suspect them, although I know I'm making a hell of a generalization. The only man I can think of that I've befriended is my step-dad (my mom's boyfriend, who I love dearly and call Dad), and I gave him HELL the first 4 months of our acquaintance.



Now, for someone who believes herself to be a lesbian, that's a pretty heavy case. How do I know that my zero-sum attraction to men isn't just subconscious rejection of my bio father. How do I know I don’t have some big ol' complex lurking, making me see things in the wrong light and make decisions which will make me miserable later in life.



So that's my fucked-up upbringing. And I understand what you are saying about inhibitions… or I should say the lack thereof. Surely its possible that I'm rushing into a possibly inappropriate situation just because I have this completely disproportioned need for affection and reassurance. Though I really hope that isn't the case . But go fig.

I love my long lost Jewish little-potato twin. In a prison way.

[SoulieBaby]

I need some advice.. It's a long story, so I hope you're all comfy.. heehee



Ok, late 2001 I met a girl through my messageboard whom I got to know quite well.. She lives in Canada and I live in Australia which presented the main problem to begin with. After months of going insane and realising that we both felt for each other, we decided to get my little butt to Canada to finally meet her, which was in May 2002. We hit it off immediately and it was the best relationship I've ever had in my life. I was in Canada until late October, when I had to return as I had no money (I didnt get a working visa, so I couldn't do anything about it).. It was the hardest thing for me to leave and we kept on putting it off.. Once I returned to Australia I vowed to pay off my debts and return to Canada as soon as possible to be with her again.. Unfortunatly in Feb 2003 we broke up, or shall I say she broke it off with me.. Most likely because of the distance. She also had agraphobia (sp?) a couple of years ago, which made her lose the time of her life when you go out to bars and pick up so to speak, you know what i mean? Anyways, since I wasn't there anymore and she was handling her disease a lot better, she said that she wanted to go out and see what else there is.. which I kinda agreed to, because I wanted her to be happy no matter what. Even though it killed me, I let her do what she wanted to do. She had also said to me that she could spend the rest of her life with me, but she's not ready for that commitment yet.. *sigh* Anyway, she got together with some other chick, and they were together for a while. I also got together with someone else, but I'm not in love with her.. I'm still in love with my ex. My ex has now broken up with that girl she was with, but I'm still seeing someone.. Neither one of us has spoken again about us getting back together, but I can't help but think what happens if I return to Canada with a working visa.. She has also said that she doesn't want me to return for her... as in would I stay in Canada if something happened to her, or would I just return home.. Which I can kindof understand.. She only wants me to go to Canada for other reasons than for her.. I kindof think that she's testing me in a way to see if I'll still return to Canada, even though we may not get back together, and that if I do return with a working visa, get settled in and all that, we might get back together.. It's so confusing.. I love her to death and I would do anything for her.. She knows that too.. But I don't know what I should do, should I save up and return to Canada, or should I leave it and be content where I am?

Tara: No, I understand. You have to be with the person you love.


Willow: I am.

---

. : :Shrine of Angelina Jolie : Angelina Messageboard :
Girls who love Girls : : .

[Spikeizmine87]

To everyone who responded to my post, thanks alot! It helped me alot, and i wrote her this letter explaining EVERYTHING! i hope she doesnt get freaked out! This is the reason why i love this board! Its good to know if any one has any problems, you guys are always here to listen! Thanks soo much!

-Rose



I loves me AMber!

[Gatito Grande]

Mrs. V,

Quote:

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How do I know that my zero-sum attraction to men isn't just subconscious rejection of my bio father.

---

Right. And how do I know that my lack of desire to ever again be intimately involved w/ man isn't a (barely sub-) conscious rejection of my ex-husband?



I don't think it is. While I say I was happily married, even at the time, I thought of it as "happily enough married." I was pretty much sure that he was *not* my soulmate---I just rationalized it that, somehow, that made it more romantic: the idea that there was an element of sacrifice involved. (Can't you see the f*cked-up up-bringing stamped all over this? Ala the model of my parents' "happy enough" marriage? Quoth my mother, re: a friend's daughter, living w/ her boyfriend: "Who buys a cow, if milk's free?" So then, Mom, the question is whether we women are *free cows* or *paid-for cows*? Thanks! )

Quote:

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Surely its possible that I'm rushing into a possibly inappropriate situation just because I have this completely disproportioned need for affection and reassurance.

---

Just the way that I avoid social situations (e.g. I don't think I've ever asked anyone out) out of a disproportionate fear of rejection (revulsion, recrimination: the list goes on!).



GG Can't win, can we? Out

[hells bells]

Quote:

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How do I know that my zero-sum attraction to men isn't just subconscious rejection of my bio father

---

Same here Mrs V...to sum up my childhood years ...i spent most of it hating and detesting my older brother because of the wanker he was (and still is)...he caused so much trouble/pain to my parents that I found myself consciously trying to be everything he wasn't. Now that I'm on a different continent from him and I have nothing to do with him our non-existant relationship is actually much than before. lol.

And sometimes I wonder too if my lack of attention towards men even as good friends could be due to a subconscious rejection of my brother.....lol..i don't know..it's funny my friends ask me how many guy friends i have and I can count them on less than the sum of my one hand lol....i think to myself and count, "hmmm....father....hmmmm....hmmm.....HMMMm lol". But yes...this subconscious rejection is something I try not to think about too much. lol.



And I say to myself, "self, Freud was NOT right!"

[LiquiDreams618]

I think the question is whether or not you really want to live in Canada. You would have to build a life for yourself with your ex as well as away from your ex. Meaning, you would have to have an identity away from her as well with your work, new friends, things like that. I know that you don't want to be cynical but you have to also think in terms of 'what if things don't work' which is kind of what your ex is doing with the whole 'don't move here for me' thing. She doesn't want you to regret moving to Canda because of her. It's a huge step and a real committment on your part to move there. Are you ready for that? Is she? Do you both want the same things out of a relationship? Did you like Canada when you were there? Would you feel ok living away from your family and friends in Australia? I know that I'm answering your question with lots of questions but you have to thing long term which you probably already done.



Best of luck to you with your decision. It is a tough one. If you love her and can't live without her, go for it. If you have doubts, you really need to think about it.



MJ

[Spikeizmine87]

Hi all! Hope you guys are all doing well! Ok so i didnt wanna post cause i didnt want to end up ranting and raving, but i feel like this is the place where its not too bad to do that! Ok well i should get into the story. ok well i had a girlfriend, we broke up last feburary but were still talking up until april as friends, or akward friends i guess. so i im thinking everything is going ok, until one day i get a phone call from her just yelling at me because my friend had called her up and started telling her things like, i never loved her and i was straight and just playing with her mind and i had a boyfriend and hated her. i did not know that my friend did this so it came it a real shock to me cause i never said any of those things, he just did that to be a stupid asshole and im honestly saying that i have NO clue whats going on and thats added more flames to her fire so she says she hates me and never wants to talk to me again. ok, flash foward to about earlier last month, i wrote her a letter and a poem and that she didnt send one back saying she hated me. she didnt. she said she wanted to start over and be friends JUST friends mind you since i have fallen in love with someone else (we arent together yet so i dont think i should say that), ok then thats good. but ive noticed since we have started talking again, she aviods any type of serious conversations that i try to bring up because there is soo many things that i still need to clear up and things that need to be discussed. but everytime i try to tell her what im thinking she switches subjects. since we have broken up, she has gotten REALLY religous, im not gonna knock it, and think thats great, but last night i was trying to tell her what i was feeling about a certain thing that happened last weekend and she ignored so i told herr that it truley felt like she didnt care and she ust wouldnt listen, so she tells me i do everything for attention, wearing my rainbow, joining the gay/straight alliance and being so out with friends, and other things. and right now im feeling like i should just cut myself off completly from her, i think that knowing she hated me made me wanna be her friend more and now that we are talking i feel like i dont wanna be that, so is this closure? should i be able to finally move on knowing she doesnt hate me? im just so lost right now and i know i shouldnt get down about it but god exes!! well kitties, thanks for lettin me rant once again!!

-Rose



I loves me AMber!

[intricate mirage]

Spikeizmine87 Ohh exes Whether it was closure for you, it could be. You may have wanted to get onto talking terms with her once more to clear the air and after that, just leave everything behind. Problem here is, you didn't know it was going to be so tough. Hence the wanting to leave right now, considering you got half the job done - talking to her once more. Or you could have genuinely wanted to be friends. The reason behind wanting to be friends again is something only you'll know. So go figure it out As for your ex, whom I know is not being very receptive to your conversations right now, all I can tell you is not to be too harsh on her. Maybe she still needs time. You never know. It could be difficult for her to be talking with you again. So take it easy with her and let's just see how things go.

Cassie





Ask me if I loved you yesterday. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I love you today. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I'll love you tomorrow. I'll say 'Always'

[SoulieBaby]

Well I know that I can't move to Canada fully, as I don't know how to go about that. What I can do is get a holiday working visa which lasts for a year.. So in that respect, I can go back on a part time basis, you know? To see how things go I guess.. I know that I'd have to make a new life over there for myself away from my ex too. When I was there I met a lot of great people and some of them I'm still in contact with even though my ex isn't anymore, so I've kinda got a small base of friends there.. It's a hard decision to make and I know that, as much as I keep thinking what happens if, I can't really rely on things working out, so the way I'm looking at it is for things not to work out, but I still have to know what's going to happen. If I expect the worse then I can't get disappointed I guess.. I got the feeling that she doesn't want me to regret going back and that she wants me to do it for my own reasons, not just for her... All I can go by is from what happened while I was there last year, the relationship was amazing.. We were both heading in the same direction of things and we both wanted the same kind of thing.. I do miss her as a friend as well as a g/f.. She knows that I want her to be a part of my life and she wants me in her life too.. As for me liking Canada when I was there.. well I absolutely loved it, it was like being in Australia, but everything was cheaper (oh and it was colder too lol) so the lifestyles were very similar, and it really is a beautiful country.. I was away from my home and friends for 6 months, which I was ok with, sure I missed them, but I called them all regularly and kept in contact through e-mail and MSN etc.. If you were me, what would you do?

. : :Shrine of Angelina Jolie : Angelina Messageboard :
Girls who love Girls : : .

[AmberAlysonlover]

I am back again. Like before I am gonna talk about my girlfriend. Every Saturday nite she goes out with her ' friends' and has a good time. But last nite she told me she wanted to cheat on me. Her so called ' friends ' were trying to set her up with some girl, but she didnt do anything. What really got to me was she wanted to do it so I wouldnt want her anymore. Yet she wont do anything with me, her real girlfriend. I know she cant stand it with me but she was willing to do it with someone esle.



I got mad coz it really upset me. I believe her ' friends ' are not really ' friends'. They seem to want to hurt me and break us up. I dont like them and I have told her this, but I dont wanna stop her from going out. I enjoy meeting with my mates but I dont let them hook me up, I love Heather too much to think about that. She is coming down for new year ( I hope) and I just wanna make her happy, give her what she needs. Yet I want the same off her. Love is give and take, not one calls the shots while the other nods and does what she is told.



God, love is sooooooo hard!

[tkheaven]

AmberAlysonlover, a little late here but here goes..

Have you talked to her on how she feels about the relationship as a whole? Not saying how things are but is it a possibility that maybe she does want out? It's messed that she's going by what her supposed friends are trying to do, but one thing I've learned is those who have the strength to do their will will not go by what 'friends' say, it comes across as merely a suggestion. Again, everyone is different and I've had the luck for things not go as I'd like but i would suggest to talk to her and see if she expresses herself (feelings) as to what the relationship with you truely means to her. It's better to know than have her simply do as she pleases without letting you in.

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

Dreams are...illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you. -Marsha Norman

[AshWeezer]

I hope this is the right thread to post this in.



Theres a couple guys that likes me or whatever. I've told them from the beginning that I dont want a relationship, but like one guy is 22, the other is 24 and the other is 20. And I'm just 18. What do older guys expect? They're all talking about serious stuff. I'm like whoa, I dont want anything serious.



They're nice guys and I'm always like oh if I find a nice guy and I like him I'll date him but you know I dunno if thats what I want. I'm starting to think I'm a lesbian. I mean everyone knows I'm bi or whatever but I dunno. Its complicated. I just couldnt tell anyone I'm a lesbian if I am.



Anyway. My brother knows a couple of the guys and he's like they're nice yeah but they could get you in some trouble, they're not good for you. He's like you got all these guys chasing after you and you're leading them on. I'm like no I'm not cuz I told them I dont want a relationship and he's like well it must be the way you're acting. I was like whatever. But I dont know, maybe I am like not on purpose. I'm just a touchy feely person. I hug and hold hands and maybe they're taking that the wrong way. I just dont realize things sometimes.



They're like you help me overcome things, you're positive. I dont know what it is about you but I really like you. I'm like damn you just met me a few weeks ago! I dont say that, I just smile and does that lead them on? It makes me feel really bad that they say that and then I dont wanna date them. Maybe they're just bsing to get in my pants. But maybe they actually like me. I just dont know about guys.



I guess what I'm trying to get to is should I just straight out tell them I dont wanna date them or give one of them a chance? Cuz I havent really gave any of them a chance.



~Sheena~

[xita]

I think it depends what you mean by chance? Be friends with them, if the romantic spark hits you go for it. I don't think you should force the spark though.

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"Hard work often pays off after time but laziness always pays off now!"

[onyxsundrops]

Okay, like so many others, I don't know why I'm posting this-but here it goes.



My issue is not so much about a 'relationship', since I consider myself single but it's borderline, I guess. Back in November I met this older woman who had just broken up with her girlfriend after an eight year relationship (she was on the receiving end and I was involved with someone at the time). Anyway, what started out as the typical 'getting to know you' evolved into the single-sided 'I love you's'. I knew from the start that she got attached easily and was very emotional and up front about her feelings, but I've always been the type of person to 'get bored' easily so I didn't think it would last. Several months later, we're still talking and even though my feelings have developed, I can't bring myself to say what I feel. I've always been told that I was an unemotional type of person, which I've often agreed with and sort of learned to accept on some levels. But with her, it's like my feelings are there, I'm just unsure on how to express them... at least, not verbally. I guess, I'm just not used to change or something. I've often thought I was in 'love' but never really knew what it meant. And honestly, I don't think it's love now, at least not on my part... maybe an intense infatuation, but not love.



So after countless times of her crying over the phone and me remaining silent, I'm still stuck. Part of me just wants to call it off (whatever it is) and go back to normalcy where I don't have to express how I feel. And although it may sound bad, it would seem easier for her and me. She's already been hurt, and my emotional distance could just make everything worse. She says that she doesn't care and that people express themselves differently, which I agree with, but I can hear the frustration in her voice. There is fear on my part, I'll admit that, but how can I change what I've always been (or not been)? You can't make emotions-they just are. In all of the relationships that I've been in, we knew 'something' was there, but never fully expressed it. We just sort of went with it. And now that I've come across something new (and somewhat frightening) I don't know how to react. I know that I'm at a crossroads. It's my last year of school and I don't plan on staying more than a week after graduation. I don't think I could get involved with someone whose first 'real' relationship lasted eight years. I can't even commit to a cereal brand. Add to that, the fact that she has been severely unstable and suicidal in the past. I'm not staying with her out of pity, but because I want to. But I can't help feeling and knowing that she's expecting something I can't (or am not ready) to give her. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble and sorry if some of it is a bit confusing.



Yvonne