The Lesbian/Gay/Bi/Trans/Questioning/Issues Thread

[BloodysGirl]

Thank you SO much! You have really helped answer my questions. So I will keep workin' with my whole sexual stuff . But right now I need to finish reading this book (or my teacher will be SO very pissed! ). I have to go back to school on monday.

-B.G.

Anya : I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.

Willow : Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?

[FriskyLez]

BG, Glad i could help in some small way You have your whole life ahead of you, i wouldnt worry to much about that kind of stuff right now..Youll know whats right for you...For now just have fun, study and enjoy being young

Carpe Noctem

[ambercatsmom]

sigh...oh to be young again...uh..ahem..yes uh school is very important..

[BloodysGirl]

Thanks again, and I'd just like to say how impressed I am with this board. Everyone is so nice. On the Big Bad Board no one was nice to me ( ) I was so sad. But then I found all of you! Thanks for all the advice and guidance. See you all lata!

-B.G.

Anya : I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.

Willow : Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?

[Enigmatic]

Hi. Thanks for sharing all these stories. I'm so glad that are a tread on this subject, coz alot of my questions have been answered here...

I'm not quite ready to share my own story yet, my feelings are still too confusing (heh, they get more and more confusing every day) and right now my life is to messed up to be put in words, but I'm glad that I can get some advise here...it's reassuring to know that someone already have experienced the same and that they ended up happy...

Thanks.

--Er du måske læge??--

[thehighpriestess]

Enigmatic - right there with you

Edited by: thehighpriestess at: 4/8/02 12:16:39 pm

[tommo]

Well the kitten will still be here when you're ready, Enigmatic. No rush, remember?

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Hey Grrrrlfriend! Yoo hoo! Over here! It's me...Flaming Joel!

[alexis18]

i don't bother myself much about it anymore. i guess i'll just do it plain and simple, if anyone asks, i won't deny it. i mean, if they cringe, that's their problem, not mine. as for my family, i'm keeping my fingers crossed, because some of them are relaly homophobic, but i hope they'll understand, especially my mom. i'm on my way OUT there, and in times like these where there's only one thing i'm sure about--that is me being gay-- i need a break from all the troubles the community of straight people offers. i don't have to follow the norm, and i don't want to... being a lesbian opened me up to so many truths and i'm not willing to let that go.

[little bit]

Does anyone go on kitten chat @ yahoo?

It'd be good to be able to talk in real time.

[Rally]

little bit,



There is a pseudo affiliated chat on yahoo each evening.



It can be found here...



However the chat is a free forum, wild west type of atmosphere, not to be taken lightly. This chat is more about spoilers and friends getting together than serious discussion about sexuality.

Though, you can talk to Xita about her tits.

------------


"Everyone's getting spanked but me and my bitter inner Peruvian fruit bat of happiness."

[little bit]

thanks Rally, just wondering...everytime I go in there it's empty (prolly coz I'm in sa different time zone).

Quote:

---

Though, you can talk to Xita about her tits.

---

haha...and I'm thrilled to know that.

[Enigmatic]

Hi little Bit.



Yeah I know how it is, I'm in a different timezone too...I have to get up really earlier, if I want to chat. But you know...it's worth it! See you on the chat!!

--Er du måske læge??--

[terrapin11]

Hello everyone. Well, recently something really great has just happened to me. I'm 18 and I've just recently accepted the fact that I'm gay, which is always a good thing. So, yay me! Anyway, I'm still not out to anybody except myself. But it will take some time. But, that's not why I'm so happy. So anyway, I just met this really great girl. We became friends because she sits at my lunch table. At first we were just kinda like school friends. But then I started to hang out with her. We're pretty good friends.



The first time we hung out, was when I fell in love with her. I mean it's the first time that I felt all warm and gooey for a girl. It was such an awesome feeling, I just wanted to stare at her forever. Then we started to hang out a little more. I couldn't wait for the day to be over, so I could be with her. I'm not sure if she has the same feelings, for me. But it's weird, because we're so much alike. She loves the music that I listen to, we both just seem to connect really well. I've been in awkward situations with her, where all I wanted to do was stare into her eyes and kiss her. I have a little inkling that she felt the same way. But I'm just not sure. I mean whenever I see her I just light up, and she kinda does too.



I'm just not sure what I should do?

[PandoraSpocks]

I don't know about advice, but congrads for coming out. I'm still not sure about myself, I often say out loud "I am so gay" and it doesn't hurt, It actually feels good, I don't know?



All I can say, is be careful, I don't what to see/hear you got your heart broken, so maybe test the waters. I'm sure others can give you better advice. At least you know your gay, I'm 22 and still not sure.



This thread will probably be locked, and sent to the gay/lesbian/bi thread, so good luck!

Tara: "I am, you know" Willow: "What?" Tara: "Yours" (Hearts a Flutter)

[La]

I think it's like with any relationship you have (or want) with a friend. You want to go slow because you don't want to ruin your friendship. If she isn't interested in a more than just friends way, you want to be able to remain friends. It sounds like you think there might be something there ... if you haven't already, try talking about other lesbian relationships, like Willow and Tara, or Jessie and Katie from Once and Again. If she reacts really positively, then maybe you can try taking the relationship further. If she reacts negatively, maybe you don't want to do that.



Good luck!

~La



You know you've been in Korea too long when you go to a "western" restaurant and can't seem to get the hang of using a knife and fork.

Edited by: La at: 4/16/02 7:27:18 pm

[ninjitsugrrl]

I agree with La here. You just need to go slowly and try to feel out the situation first.

But, don't be afraid to try. If she is a good friend she will still be a friend even if she doesn't feel the same way about you. Just be open but don't go to fast. Talk to her.

Tara: Do you mind if I keep the light on? I was gonna look up some spells.
Willow: That's fine, I don't need to be snuggled...
Tara: Vixen!


My Homepage: [link]http://hometown.aol.com/zenobiaxf[/link]

Edited by: ninjitsugrrl at: 4/16/02 10:30:20 pm

[Sweetjane]

i'm just reiterating a point here ,but i also feel that if you take it slowly then you will always have a friendship to go back to , if you get to be close friends and comfortable with that then thats the good groundings for any type of relationship .



it's great that you're sure of yourself and it's really scary approaching this type of thing the first time,so i'm sending some special sweet vibe things your way



hope things work out



Sweetjane

[oneyedchicklet]

Hey Kittens,

I didn't know where to post this and I wanted to share the news. Last night I came out to two of my closest friends. They were both very supportive. They both said that they had no idea. We laughed, cried and they both told me they would be there if I needed to talk. Unfortunately, they are both heterosexual and married so I don't know if I would feel comfortable talking with them. I have a lot of unresolved feelings but I felt it was time. I am 37 year old mother of two who was stuck in a loveless marriage for 10 years and then found the love of my life. We are no longer together because I refused to come out. I didn't do this to hopefully win her back because she moved out of state. I just felt that it needed to be done. I got tired of hiding. I hope someone can give me a shoulder to lean on that understands. I still feel like there is a huge weight on my shoulders. What to do?

Thanks for listening.

Babs

[Moridin]

I just voted on one and looked at the other and noticed something. While the women had a pretty even spread exept for the leaning toward Lesbian, the men had 0 questioning. Not to be stereotypical, but that reminded me about some polls done that indicate that men tend to be much surer about things (even when they really are unsure, they'd rather claim to be sure about the wrong thing, then admit beeing unsure).

[terrapin11]

Thank you all who have given me some really good advice.

But, I also did notice something. Well today, she brought up something about homosexuality because we just had our day of silence at school on the tenth. But I kinda just didn't say anything about it. I look back on it now, and I really wish that we could have talked about it.



But anyway, I think that she likes me too. But I'll still be very careful!

[magickalbear]

I have lurked on your board for a few weeks now and feel that I have vicariously come to know you all to a certain extent. You all seem to be such warm and caring people I was hoping that I could get a little advice.



I had the strangest experience about two weeks ago. I am 23 years old and have been engaged to a man for six years (and quite happily I might add.) However, I have always been attracted to women and just thought it was my inner kink coming out to play (you know the whole pesky threesome thought). My fiance thought that it was cool and it didn't phase him.. I guess a lot of straight guys dig girls who would like to have sex with a guy and another girl.. however, I digress. I met a woman at work and became friends with her, and immediately developed a crush on her, total hottie and wonderful person that she is. After a few monthes of silent staring I invited her over to my house and I, my fiance, and my friend got drunk, but not totally plastered... just a little trashed. Long story short, we all ended up having sex together and the next time I saw her at work I realized that I was totally in love with her and that I still loved my fiance just as much as I had before. I didn't ever think that I could possibly fall in love with a woman and this is a strange position for me to be in. I told my fiance and he was really supportive, but he just asked that if I do find a woman I fall in love with to make sure that it was someone that he liked as well.. I told my friend, who I knew prior to her coming to my house was bi, and she pretty much just snubbed me and told me it was a phase and has ignored me since. That doesn't really bother me though as she obviously wasn't truly my friend or some such jazz. The thing that really gets to me is that I don't know what I am anymore. I have always avoided calling myself bisexual because I know so many people who label themselves that way just because they think it's a trendy thing to do, so I want to avoid that ambiguity. I am just so confused I don't know what to think. The only thing that I can say with any degree of certainty is that I am not a lesbian (although I think that it's a beautiful way of life, just like heterosexuality) simply because I still love my fiance and am attracted to guys as well. Oh well... don't mind me.. I've just been running off at the mouth bending the ears of a presumeably sympathetic audience. Thanks for listening.



******************************************************************



I've come for coffee, smoochies, and gay love!

[lilyophelia]

It's kind of strange, hearing other people's coming out stories...hearing the way people view the world and the people around them...the feelings all of you feel. I hope those of you who have lots of social ties holding you back...from being open and expressive about your sexuality...I hope you somehow find your way to a happier place. And the other kitties...well, you know you're all deliciously beautiful in your ways. I really enjoyed all of your stories. And if I can ever somehow heelp someone, please feel free to let me know. I'm a super understanding and caring person, and I'm really good with the listening...and very patient too



Well, what I wanted to write about, just briefly, are the very different circumstances surrounding how I came out. I was kind of very accepting of the fact that I liked girls from a super young age. I was super, super introverted...like always lost in books and stories, so I don't think I really ever noticed that there was anything wrong with being attracted to other girls. I kind of didn't talk to many people for most of my early life, but I was kind of confused by the whole lack of girl-girl love...in movies and books. But I kind of clung to heterosexual representations of true love...like stories where two people go to the greatest lengths for each other...never give up on each other. To me, true love is the most beautiful thing ever...so I was idealistic. Miraculously, I started writing love poems to girls in my classes when I was younger...and survived mostly unscathed... somehow. My mom, being all single-momish and stuff, tried to be super liberal all my life. She told me a long time ago she didn't mind at all if I was gay...and it just makes me wonder...was I that obvious? She also offered to get me drugs to experiment with...when I was like fifteen, saying that if I ever decided to do them, she'd prefer to get them for me so that she knew they were safe and that I could feel okay talking to her about things...it was really sweet, in a super twisted sort of way. My whole high school years were confusing, and strange...as I kind of came to realize I don't...I'm not so happy with the world we live in. A long, painful relationship later, I still believe in true love...my stomach still does this tumbly thing when I see two girls, on screen or on the street, in love...and I'm pretty shy about who I am, but not ashamed.



So, I think my advice... coming from a different place, is that no matter how much you think you know yourself...you're going to grow a whole lot, and a few years from now you're going to be much different...hopefully...from who you are now. Your insecurites...you just have to work through them, as hard as they are to get through...and about coming out...you can do that selectively. When you want to share that you're gay or bi with someone, then do it...I'd suggest not lying about it when directly asked by someone, because that will just make you feel ashamed. Instead, answer them truthfully and casually...or, if they're not someone you want to share with, just smile and say something to the effect of. "It's not really any of your business." 'Cause its not...your feelings belong to you, and you shouldn't be forced to do anything with them you don't want to...that includes both hiding them in shame or placing them out into the open, exposing pretty, meaningful feelings to attack.



Oh, and one more little request. If you do feel bisexual, I really urge you to understand what it is you feel... because that term is so loose. Make sure you know before you get involved with a girl, in a serious way...like if you only feel comfortable being in a relationship with a guy...but you crave girlish romantic or sexual attention, that's completely okay...even valid...but just make sure that you let whatever girl your dating...let her know...

if you could spend the rest of your life with her or not...before you ever get very serious...or you might just really hurt someone in a very bad way.



That's about it for now...I promise I'll be around more often kitties...I'm so guilty of visiting the chat room and not the board.



With Love,

Lily O.



"TARA: Willow, I got so lost.

WILLOW: I found you. I will always find you. "

[oneyedchicklet]

Ok, I don't understand how things can go from being cake and ice cream to crap. Yesterday, I had a great day. I came out to some friends who were supportive. Now I feel like I should go back in. I just want to know if there is anyone else out there that has come out and were told they would be supported but only to end up being betrayed? I am very hurt, confused and anyother emotions you want to throw in there.

I feel very safe at this board and I don't know where else to turn. Looking for some advice. I already do the G/L support group at my college but it doesn't seem to help. I've tied a knot in the rope and I'm hanging on but my hands are cramping and I am losing my grip.

BABS

[Thanatopsis]

I guess it depends on the level of betrayal we're talking about here. My best friend who, while she admited she had difficulty dealing with my being gay, said she would try and understand and be supportive. I was so relived, because she was the one who's reaction I was concerned about. However, whenever I meantion anything in relation to being gay, I see her physically cringe and she never talked to me about relationship type stuff anymore. She also still used the words "fag" as an insult and "gay" as a synonym for stupid or lame. When I confronted her on this, she said she didn't understand what my problem was and she didn't mean it as an insult. When I asked her to try and stop she said she couldn't. By now it was an ingrained part of her vocabulary. We argued about it for weeks for school. And then I moved away, so I'm not sure whether she still uses it or not. This isn't a betrayal really, but it was still difficult to deal with.



People and their reactions are always ify, no matter what. The question is, how important are these friends? How deep was this betrayal? Is there anything that can be done to make you feel better about it? Unfortunetly or not, you're going to come across resistance and betrayl. Continue going to the G/L support group. Use this board to rant. Take one day at a time. It does get better. I hope this helps a little.

-----------------
Yet we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene never to use our unfair advantage. Thank God we're pretty.


Dawn: I gave birth to a pterodactyl.
Anya: Oh my god. Did it sing?

[oneyedchicklet]

Thanks Thanatopsis,

It helped a little. I still haven't heard from either of my "friends". This makes me wonder exactly how much we really mean to each other. The support group at school isn't going well but I will continue to attend. Maybe because I am much older then anyone else in the group. I just have to come to terms with how I choose to live my life and who I choose to love. No one can make that decision for me and I am going to deal with it one day at a time. Hopefully, it will get easier as the days go by. Like I've said before, I feel very comfortable here on this board simply because I know I am not alone here. If that makes any sense. But then again my screen name is "oneyedchicklet" maybe because I feel as though "I" live in the Kingdom of the Blind.

[swannie]

ok, so here goes. i've been lurking for ages and finally i've got the guts to post! basically, i've always known that i was gay, although on occasion i have tried to convince myself otherwise. stupid, i know. i'm 20 and i find the idea of coming out extremely daunting. i come from a small town in the northwest of ireland. i know for a fact that my parents are totally against gays/lesbians, i'm thinking that has a lot to do with the fact that they're strict catholics. religion is such a major thing in this country, it practically rules it.



anyway, i haven't come out yet, i really want to but as i already know how my family and most of my friends will act, i've totally gone off the idea. i was in a relationship with another woman but that ended badly a few weeks ago. basically, i think it was an experiment for her. i'm pretty sure it was, and that hurts so much because i did actually love her.



we were friends for over a year and a half, best friends actually. what made me tell her i was gay and that i was attracted to her was the fact that when we were together there was always sexual tension between us. our friends even commented on it. so one night when i was kinda drunk i told her everything. we got involved and well, lets just say we are no longer friends, we don't even speak.



instead of just losing my girlfriend i lost my best friend as well. she was the only one i could talk to about how i felt. it kinda feels like i'm on my own now, in so many ways and i hate it. so that's why i decided to post, everyone seems supportive and no one judges.



susan

[Thanatopsis]

So you don't feel its helping because you're older? Do you mean in the sense that the problems or issues everyone else have don't apply to you? That can make things more difficult. Maybe you could try and be more involved and help the group go a direction that would be more beneficial. As for the friends thing, that sucks. Give em time. Maybe they just need a bit to figure out their priorities. Half the time I told people, I got a nice bout of uncomfortable silence. And I definitely understand about this board and its support, makes the tough days a little less.

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Yet we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene never to use our unfair advantage. Thank God we're pretty.


Dawn: I gave birth to a pterodactyl.
Anya: Oh my god. Did it sing?

[PandoraSpocks]

I don't know if you all like to hear about dreams, because my friend doesn't, but I want to tell you all. I had this dream that I was with my grandparents outside a corner store. My grandmother was talking about my brother and his drug addiction. She said how she still loved him, that she didn't accept what he was doing, but she accepted him. I smiled and said "If you feel that way, there's something I have to tell you" she said "that your gay" I said "yah" and how I wanted to tell my grandfather. She seemed to be o.k. with it, so I pressed on with the subject. She wasn't o.k. with it, pretending that our conversation didn't happen. Avoided the subject, deverting the attention with what ever she could, I woke up.



I think I had this dream, because, yesterday I read everyones coming out story and my grandparents recently visited.



You have to understand (and I think you all do) that my grandparents would not approve. They are religous, but I think it has less to do with religion and more to do with their up bringing (era) and personal attitude. Sometimes I think religion is just an excuse, because God is suppose to be all accepting. Any how, one day more than three years ago, I was driving in a car with my grandmother and she asked me if I had met any nice boys lately. I said something like "who says I'm interested in boys", the car swirves and I said "I'm just kidding". I asked her what if I were gay? and she said she wouldn't want to be around me anymore.



That why it was weird that my grandmother seemed so excepting in my dream, the ignoring the fact that it happened seems right, she would do that. she hears what she wants to hear



Today I went out with my mother and told her this dream, I was looking for a reaction, but didn't get much of one. We sat down to lunch and I told her about this board and my theory. We sat silent for awhile and then I blurted out "Mom" her face seemed to pick up a reaction from my tone, she said "what is it" I said nothing. She probably knew what I was going to say. My stomach was doing turns and I couldn't eat. All day I wanted to tell her something, I even had it planned. I would say: "Mom, would you be o.k. if I was gay, I'm not saying I am gay, because I'm not sure" then wait for a reaction. I might try it when I get home, if a siduation presents itself. When we left the mall and I waited for my father to pick her up, before I left I thought I'd tried again, but said nothing. I kept making excuses like: There's too many people around and my dad will be here any moment and interupt the conversation. I know my mom doesn't think it natural, but I do know she loves me. I don't care if my family accepts my lifestyle, but I do care that they accept me. I think my mom would. All these thoughts are running through my head, that once I tell her, It will be out there (pun intended).

Tara: "I am, you know" Willow: "What?" Tara: "Yours" (Hearts a Flutter)

Edited by: PandoraSpocks at: 4/19/02 2:18:24 pm

[oneyedchicklet]

Thanatopsis

The reason I think the group isn't working for me is because all I am picking up is "I'm in love with this person yet I'm afraid to tell him/her because I don't know how they will react." It is kind of like dealing with children. I am not derating them in any way. I would just like to know how I am supposed to deal with the reality I have come out. I know society isn't all supportive with gay/lesbian issues. Yet I decided to try this support group because I thought the operative word was support. I agree with some of the people by saying I am afraid to come completely out because I don't know how they will react. I know my boss is antigay. I constantly hear all of the "fag" and "queer" jokes all day long. I am a little hesitant to say anything to anyone at work because again, I don't want everyone to walk on egg shells around me.

I guess when the time is right, it will be right. Thanks for listening to me ramble on. Although we are strangers your support and advice is helpful.



BABS

[Thanatopsis]

Babs

Glad I can help. I have a bit more ramble to add.



I can understand that. It seems so high school, "Ooh, I like so-and-so, I wonder if they like me." And then you pass them a note in study hall. Ooh, even better, when you were in elementary school and the note said, "Do you like me? Circle YES or NO."



Sometimes its easier to deal with an unrequited crush than outing yourself. Its like dealing with the whole gay problem without really dealing with the whole gay problem. Or maybe to make it feel more normal, like nothing's wrong and parts of society isn't out to get us. Its funny what support can mean to some people.



There's no real that you have to out yourself to the world. In the beginning, it should just be the people who matter. Who gives a f*ck about the rest of the world? (Wow. Don't I live in a safe protective bubble.) But seriously, why tell people at work? Why do they have to know? Unless you have this burning need to tell them. I mean, I understand the relief that stems from being out, but its not always the right time. I've been through five jobs in the last year (long story) and I was only out at two of them. It just depends on the people and the enviroment.

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Because he's with Willow. And if something ... happened, I'd know.