The Lesbian/Gay/Bi/Trans/Questioning/Issues Thread

[slayer747]

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I wonder though if there ever will be a time when the fact that someone might be gay would be just as much as a given and as less as a surprise as the fact that someone is straight.

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i get that... we don't expect staright people to say this line, do we?:



"mom, dad, let's sit down, i have to tell you something...*continuosly shifts while sitting*... i'm straight."



and to think that being gay is as normal as being straight.



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and for the confusion part, i do worry about that as well... i mean, i know i am gay, but there are some times that i find myself admiring guys (which makes me fidget and sweat nervously because, damn, i'm gay, a'right...and... ick!), and i worry about coming out because, what if i turn out not to be gay... but i guess that was just a manifestation of me being a sexual being... though i am really more compatible with women. hey, i can admire guys but i'm not saying i want to be with them romantically, i don't get them at all... and i don't think that means i'm bi, i just know "cute" by definition. as for "beautiful" -- that's for the double x's.



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and for the question on how to come out to aunts and uncles... hmmm... that's a toughie, but as for my family, well, i have a gay aunt and a gay uncle (they're brother and sister) and they kinda get me... i'm not officially out to them... but they get me. so i guess the best way for them to know, is to tell your parents. news travel fast. i'm sure your mom and/or dad will relay that to your aunt and/or uncle. that's what families are for... advertisements?

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[thegirlwiththecurl]

Just chiming in to agree with DrG - it is just ridiculous that everyone is presumed straight unless they come out with a definitive statement. Surely it's more sensible to not judge, leave it grey and see who you connect with individually...a pattern usually emerges! If you haven't already, read what Germaine Greer says about this in 'The Whole Woman'. I'm not saying that she's the ultimate guru or anything but what she writes here really made sense to me and helped me make sense of myself.

[areslei]

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...the best way for them to know, is to tell your parents. news travel fast. i'm sure your mom and/or dad will relay that to your aunt and/or uncle. that's what families are for... advertisements?

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This works too well. I never came out to my parents and yet, my grandma wants to meet my friend...and wonders if I'm going to get a house with my friend anytime soon. My mother told her what a friend she is to me. Hey, how often do you get free walking billboards?

you two are the two who are the two...


I never took us for granted and I always knew you and I are special but I never knew how much I'd miss you... 'Always Everywhere' K's Choice

[La]

parents don't always want to tell everyone though. My mom knew I was gay and I figured she would probably tell my dad (they're still married and everything, so I pretty much assumed she had told him), but I wanted to tell him myself and prefaced it with "mom's probably told you this..." but he said she hadn't said anything to him about it. So there you go. I don't know how many of my cousins know, and I haven't so much had to worry about it this year since I've been in Korea, but I'm going to be in Boston starting in September or so, and most of my cousins live in New York, so I'm going to have to start feeling things out to see who knows. I suppose I could just ask my mom who she's told

~La

You know you've been in Korea too long when you start packing to return to the U.S.

[mollyig]

There was a case in the High Court here in Ireland where a woman, who underwent a sex-change operation in 1992, was challenging to have her birth certificate altered to record her gender as female.



Unfortunately the case was not successful.



More information here

Adding up the total of a love that's true, multiply life by the power of two
Indigo Girls

[Ittybittykitty]

Well you see the problem in my family is that my parents like to not tell my aunt or uncle too much about my life aside from school and sports. And it is becomeing annoying haveing them ask if I have a boyfriend yet. So I will try at the next family palooza to tell them...wish me some good luckyness!



The thing in Ireland cannot be good...sigh! More of this treating LGBTQ people like second class citizens, it makes me furious!

Meri-SCREW THE SYSTEM!
Me-I will not, who knows where it's been?!

[jraff]

Quote:

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There was a case in the High Court here in Ireland where a woman, who underwent a sex-change operation in 1992, was challenging to have her birth certificate altered to record her gender as female.

Unfortunately the case was not successful.

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It's sad, but, at the same time, I think I can prolly understand why the case was unsuccessful. And I'm not even sure it's a case of prejudice (altho I could easily being proven wrong).



But the way I see it, a birth certificate is only a record, stating "citizen X was born on Y, at hospital Z, from parents A and B." And, well, if that woman was indeed born in a male body, Isn't it, well, normal that her birth certificate says so?



I'm not questioning her right to have a sex change, or to get legal recognition for it. If the case was for, say, her driver license, then I definitively couldn't understand the decision, because a driver's license has to be re-issued periodically, and it ha to reflect the current state of the person. But a birth certificate isn't about the present, it's only a record of that past. And the past can't be changed.



On the other side, I can also so see the unfortunate consequences that decision may have on that woman's life; getting legal changes to her status may be more difficult without the birth certificate, for instance.



So while I do understand why the judges took that decision, it still saddens me, because i'm sure trans people have enough problems getting the respect they deserve, i'm sure she didn't need that extra layer of incomprehension :-/



my two cents ;-)

--

jraff

<< The sky is grey, I think it's gonna rain.

But that's okay, 'Cause hell, I like the rain.>>

http://www.branvan3000.com/01/lyrics/glee/07.shtml

[slayer747]

i came out to my guy friend today... and as it turns out... i dunno. i mean he said it was ok, but then he asked me questions i don't have answers to yet, and now there's so much going on through my mind, and i'm just staring blankly at my computer. heck! i hate feeling this way! you know, the feeling that you know who you are then there's this person who ask you stuff that makes you confused about the thing that you know about you and all that. sucks. anyway, i know i'll be better by tomorrow, it's just, i came out to one person and it drained me. drained. and i don't feel a thing right now. though don't worry guys, i'm still gay. i am just... drained. *sigh..very tired sigh*

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[kukalaka]

Just wanted to give you a hug, slayer. I hope you'll be okay.



Hugs again,

Angie

[La]

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slayer747 said:

...though don't worry guys, i'm still gay.

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Don't you worry, slayer, we still want you gay or straight or somewhere in between. Just as much as you (or anyone who's questioning) shouldn't try to make yourself feel straight if you're not, you also shouldn't try to make yourself feel gay if you're not. I know it's hard to sort through feelings, but just keep that in mind while you think/feel things through.

~La

You know you've been in Korea too long when you start packing to return to the U.S.

[thegirlwiththecurl]

Hugs from me too, Slayer. Read La's wise words again...she's absolutely right. It's good to read sensible stuff in a crisis!

[slayer747]

again with the thanks and HUGS to you, too. i guess what i felt yesterday was just some sort of odd heebie-jeebies. i'm back to me again... feeling great as ever. and me and that guy friend are talking normally and openly about it now. *jumping with joy*

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[friskylez]

Slayer747, You are still in the early coming out stage, there will be questions in your mind, you may even doubt yourself, all of that is ok..Ive always known i am attracted to women, from the third grade on, but i struggled for 15 years to "accept" who i am...Got drunk over it a whole lot of times...Its not that i didnt want to be a lesbian, i just thought to much about it instead of being myself..It takes time and you have your whole life to discover who you are, just take it one day at a time

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

[slayer747]

i actually am doing it right know (living by the day). guys, i have to tell you i am messed up, and though it might sound weird, the only thing that actually gives me comfort is knowing that i am gay. at least i feel that i know something about me that i am sure of. and that there's this part of me that isnt that messed up. i know it will be bumpy, but i am quite ready for that. thanks again.



and i am continually hugging you right now for having patience with this whiny, 18 year old.

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

Edited by: slayer747  at: 7/12/02 8:39:35 am

[kukalaka]

Hey, I'm at least as whiny as you are and I'm 21, so no need to thank me

[slayer747]

and that's why i love all of you, guys!

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[Arafel the Witch]

Someone wrote:







Maybe not in Catholic controlled Ireland, but in the US it can be. I know a few TS people who changed their birth certificates.



Birth certificates are routinely changed for other things, like when someone is adopted, the birth certificate can be changed so the adopted parents are listed. I don't see the big deal in changing it for other reasons as well.

[kyraroc]

I noticed while reading this thread that there are a number of Arizona kittens . . . I'm going to be moving to Tucson soon, since my sweetie is going to grad school there (aren't smart girls sexy?), and I was wondering exactly if anyone could tell me exactly what I could expect in terms of glbt issues, since I've heard mixed things (e.g. Arizona's very conservative, except Tucson might be a little looser due to the University, or maybe not, and it may have a large trans scene, unless it doesn't, etc., etc.) So, could someone give me a reasonable idea of what I might realistically expect?



--- KR

[mscheckmate]

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and i am continually hugging you right now for having patience with this whiny, 18 year old.

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Slayer, I don't think you're being whiny at all. You're coming to terms with your sexual orientation, and attempting to heal the wounds caused by a horrible family life. That's a lot of important stuff to think about all at once. So, I hope you won't hesitate to come here and say whatever is on your mind or in your heart.

Xander: "Tara, nice axing." Tara: "My first."

Edited by: mscheckmate at: 7/12/02 1:04:27 pm

[jraff]

Quote:

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Birth certificates are routinely changed for other things, like when someone is adopted, the birth certificate can be changed so the adopted parents are listed. I don't see the big deal in changing it for other reasons as well.

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My bad. I didn't know a birth certificate could be changed. Thanks for the information, Arafel!

--

jraff

<< The sky is grey, I think it's gonna rain.

But that's okay, 'Cause hell, I like the rain.>>

(Bran Van 3000, "rainshine")

[slayer747]

well, yeah, it can be. i've even heard of some people having it changed just because they don't like their given names. i didn't confirm it, but it could be possible...



mscheckmate, and all the other people who/will understand/s

i am thanking you all in advance...

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"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

Edited by: slayer747  at: 7/12/02 10:08:28 pm

[orion]

I've been reading your posts and I can't belive what your writing, I was in almost the exact spot 9 months ago. When I finally realized I was attracted to women it was like, oh my god something in my life makes sence and I know where I fit in.



Now that all my friends know and have delt with it, everything is back to normal but now I don't have to pretent to be something else. Huge wait lifted off my shoulders. All I can say is be yourself and enjoy your new freedom.

[friskylez]

Kyraroc, I live in Phoenix, but have been to Tucson on numerous occasions..Its difficult to get a feel for the attitude towards gays and lesbians...I know of only one bar there, but i went to it a looooong time ago...I have a friend who lives there and if i can get ahold of her, ill ask her your questions and get back to ya..In the meantime feel free to email me, so i can get your email and send ya the answers to your questions..I know its hot here, as hell

"Pride that dines on vanity sups on contempt"

[MadeinNZ]

As somebody who is in a questioning phase I went to the library the other day and got out a couple of books on sexuality (of course I'm now really paranoid about getting them back on time in case they contact the second person on my library card - my Mum).



I just wanted to tell you all about this great book I'm reading at the moment entitled "woman to woman - A Guide to Lesbian Sexuality". Its written by Carol Booth (an Australian doctor who is also a lesbian) and was published earlier this year by Simon & Schuster (Australia) Pty Limited.



It has heaps of useful information about things you may be afraid to ask like: how does your body work; what exactly do lesbians do; sexual health for lesbians; what is orgasm; what are the various kinds of sex toys (and how do you use them); lesbian history and culture; and heaps of other interesting stuff. It also includes a glossary and a list of resources (organisations and literature) for Australia and New Zealand.



I'm finding it to be a straight forward and practical guide for beginners. It takes away alot of the mystery.

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"When someone falls for Willow, they stay fallen" - Normal Again

Edited by: MadeinNZ at: 7/12/02 11:59:41 pm

[slayer747]

thanks for the reference... i hope some people other than us will find it... just so they'd get a sensible idea inside their heads.

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"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong, and those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie "Once and Again"

[MadeinNZ]

Yeah, the book would be really helpful for gay and straight alike. It talks about understanding your own body as well as somebody else's.



Unfortunately I don't think there will be a big 'straight' audience for it. Bit of a shame really.



Anyway, I totally recommend it for newbies. It has a chapter specifically for young lesbians. There are also chapters on the issues involved with being an older lesbian and some of the relationship difficulties you may face.



I found the bit on safe sex interesting. I used to be one of the naive few that thought that lesbian sex was already safe. No siree bob. Well worth a look.



I don't mean to go on about this one book. I'm sure there are heaps around which give good advice and information. I just want to encourage you (if you can do it safely) to read as much as you can.

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"When someone falls for Willow, they stay fallen" - Normal Again

[Ittybittykitty]

Is this book available in the US?



It sounds like I...I mean my friend could really get a lot of use out of it.



Because, you know...man...banks!

Meri-SCREW THE SYSTEM!
Me-I will not, who knows where it's been?!

[MadeinNZ]

I'm not sure whether it is available in the US but I've found that it is available on-line. I'm afraid I don't know how to do a direct link but here is the address:



www.simonsays.com/subs/bo...areaid=288



Hope this helps.



Edited to add: looks like the link happens automatically. Yay me.

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"When someone falls for Willow, they stay fallen" - Normal Again

Edited by: MadeinNZ at: 7/14/02 6:54:39 pm

[Repost Moderator]

Originally posted by BTVSfunatic



Ok. First off I'm very new to this board and I wanted to post a question. The only problem is that I don't want to offend anyone. here goes....



....I'm a straight female. I have been for 23 some odd years now, however, watching Buffy (mainly willow and tara) I found myself drawn to Lesbian relationships. Not the sex part really, just the closeness. Plus I am often curious about things I don't know that much about. So the main question is for some of you that are willing to answer me: How did you get over that first hurdle and have your first kiss or touch with another woman? And do you think its ok just to test the waters?



I feel 16 again standing in front of my gym class asking an embarrasing question. But I do see that you kittens are more loyal and any other I've truely met on the internet!



So thanks and......yeah thanks!



Jen

[Chino6069]

You'll be surprised how many moms already know - sometimes before you do yourself



Perhaps your mom has taken all those hints to heart and in asking you about the boys, she is just giving you an 'in' to telling her it's the gals at school you like.



My gf mom and step mom knew before she told them ( and before she had figured it out for herself from what I hear ), I think they just decided it it was up to her to tell them when she was comfortable with it.



Of course not knowing your mom I can't say one way or the other. Does she drop any other hints at all. I know my family dropped tons of hints for years before I finally gave in and told them. It worked out fine for us.



I hope it works out for you too.