Poems all kinds mixed up

[shadowygirl]

Sarah ! you made me blush heh I am not amazing but I'm glad you liked and I'm glad that some people can relate to them makes me glad that I share my poems with people ...

Thanks for the comment Take Care talk later



Rose ! lol I'm happy that you know me now and I'm really happy that I know you.... YOU ROCK !!!!! heh glad you liked those poems



SJ ! again thank you for reading and always leaving a comment



Terra ! Hey thanks for the feed back and you really have to post another poem like REALLY SOON ! heh



Sam ! glad you loved em more soon .



and to everyone who read and never left feed back thank you for reading hope you liked here is another one please enjoy heh





Helpless





A dreaming nightmare

Walking around the empty streets in my head

Fighting with the voices that are trying to bring me down

Trying to make me hate

There’s this devil in my mind

Wanting me to die

The bitter taste of tears that have rolled down my face

And landed on my lips

Slowly licked off as I try to take a breath

Gasping for air that’s never gonna come

Nobody is gonna stop this

The angels are crying on me

Take the pain away

And I’d hurt myself to feel

But this hurts to much to deal

Maybe I’m just a fool

Helplessly falling down this hill

Screaming as the pain tears my soul apart

And I don’t know what to do

I’m lost and looking for somebody

Anybody

To stop this

make this world stop turning

Only for a moment even

Just make me stop feeling





~~~~~



Love April

[Spikeizmine87]

april!! hey hey...i love youre poems!! thats me tearing out my hair i love em so much! Well, im glad to have met you too! Youre freaking awesome and you rock my socks! haha....keep writting!!

-Rose

Please dont let my name fool you, I really am a lesbian! willowntara247@yahoo.com (my email addy!)

[SJ]

Great poem

[shadowygirl]

Just a poem I wrote for my girl thought I would post it quickly ..





Arron I love you sweetheart , more then I ever thought I could love anyone ...



Do you know ??





Do you know how a small glance from you can calm me ?



Or how amazing your smile is when you slowly let it peak out from behind your frowning lips ?



Do you know how your laugh is like the sweetest song and can make me smile at anytime even through my darkest hours?



Or how my world cries frozen rain when your hurt or in pain ?



Do you know how the sun shines in your beautiful eyes when your happy ?



Do you know I’ll always be here, through the coldest storms the sunniest days and those midnight heart to hearts ?



Do you know how deep my love for you is , How I live my life for you , breathe for you and would die for you at any moment if I had to ?



You know that I love you , And I know that you love me

but one simple question

Do you know how much you truely mean to me ?







I love you sweetheart Always and forever



Love your April May

[onyxsundrops]

Quote:

---

Or how my world cries frozen rain when your hurt or in pain ?

---

I loved that line. Very beautiful poem.



Yvonne

[Spikeizmine87]

whoo bouncyness for april! and a coupla hearts for ya too! That was an awesome poem! That reminds me of something I had once...."looks around" whered it go...."sigh" but anyway! Liked it, loved it, need it, MUST HAVE MORE!

ride

-Rose

Im here. And Im queer. Need I say more?

Yes, I shop at "Dykes R Us"

[SJ]

Great poetry

[shadowygirl]

Ok ya'lll thats for the feedback i'll reply to that later but first here is a long new poem



What to do





I’ve had this choice of options in my head

Should I go or should I stay

Should I take that hate

What to do

what to do

Do I really know

I’m asked so many times

What does this life mean to you

What does love mean to you

I don’t have the answers

Really

I don’t have any answers

How come children die?

Someone asked me one time

And I could only answer with

Because they do

What kind of answer was that

No help

None at all

What the hell was I thinking

Maybe I wasn’t

More then likely wasn’t

I forget to think sometimes

Think before you speak

I’m told time and time again

But if I think before I speak

Then I never say what I mean

I guess its normal to have to censor myself now a days

You watch the hate , the crime , the murders and rapes

You watch the children die

The innocent killed

By the evil

The truly evil in this world

And they get away

Free to go

You’ve done that crime

You paid you’re time

Now your free to go

The only people that are ever free

Are the ones that should never be

And I thought I knew a lot

Till I really learned

Now I know

That I knew nothing

When someone comes to me

Looking for the answers

What am I going to say

Life is short

Live it as fully as you can

Remember not to hate

There is evil in this world

Truly evil

don’t let it , them get to you

don’t kill or die trying to live

Just love and be

But that’s not easy

It will never be easy

But then again easy is not all its made out to be

Life is going to try to beat you down

Break you

Wreck you

Ruin everything you are

And everything you’ve worked for

But you can’t let it

Things happen , people die , cry , love and bleed

in the end it all means nothing

But it’s a hell of a ride getting to nothing

And now that I’m sitting here

alone

Just me and my head

My thoughts

With no one to answer to

No lies to make up

To set peoples minds at ease

I have a list of options floating around up there

And all I can think

Is

What to do

What to do

[Spikeizmine87]

Awesome april! I liked that one mucho mucho much!!! Again, your poems rock my socks, and my socks are real cool btw way you should seem em! ha, well keep writting or ill...ill um...break something!!

-Rose

Im here. And Im queer. Need I say more?

Yes, I shop at "Dykes R Us"

[SJ]

Wow,great poem

[Karmah]

Hey baby

more great poetry from my favorite poet.

You write amazingly I wish that I could capture emotions and feelings as readly and easly as you do. You have great talent baby and you are doing a beautiful job wuith it. I love all your writing but I really love the happy ones

I love you baby and great jobs on your writing I hope to read more soon

I LOVE YOU

She walks in beauty, Like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies;

And all that's best of dark and bright. Meet in her aspect and her eyes.

~ by Byron ~

[sam darls]

That is such an amazing poem april, so beautiful. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[shadowygirl]

Hey ya'll thanks for reading glad you liked it and more coming right after the thank yous







Yvonne

Thanks so much for reading glad you liked it and heh I liked that line to it’s the reason I wrote that poem I was around that line



Rose !!!! *hugs*

DON’T BREAK ANYTHING MORE POEMS COMING UP RIGHT NOW !!!! Heh Glad you liked it J talk later



SJ thanks for reading



Sam thanks for reading glad you liked it and glad you keep reading , more soon



Arron last but most important , my love thanks for reading glad you liked it

I love you so much , I know you like the happy ones the most and I promise more of those soon heh Love you baby :







FEEL ME



Can you learn to feel what I feel

Everyday

these emotions pouring through me

Bleeding out of me

In my tiny smirks

And hidden glances

look at the expression on my face

My upside down smile

It’s not a frown

No you’ve got me wrong

Again you’ve got me all wrong

You can’t look deep enough into me

can you?

Didn’t think so

Not to many people can

I’ve never met a single person

That can understand me the way I do

Guess I never will

I thought maybe that person was you

And all I’ll ask is can you learn to feel what I feel





~~~~



Distance



Here it comes again

Bubbling up from the bottom of my heart

Bursting forward from between my lips

Screaming in the middle of my dreams

Sweating and reaching out for you

In the middle of the night

Yet you’re not there

Beside me where you should be

You’re not here

Let out a long breath

Try to forget the hellish nightmares

That just haunted my sleep

The ones that wake me every night

That make me sleepless for weeks on end

Where are you now

Why aren’t you here

To take me away

Away from all this doubt and pain

Why aren’t you here to show me what you mean

Tell me when

Tell me how long will it be

Before you’re here

Every night where you should be

Here beside me





Ok ya'll thats all for now I think , And my love I know if you could be here you would be and thats not me trying to rush you it was just thoughts that I had , and needed to get out so no worries baby

I love you



April

Edited by: shadowygirl at: 5/2/04 12:07 am

[SJ]

Lovely poetry

[sam darls]

April..that was really beautiful and lovely. Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Spikeizmine87]

damnit i love you april! wait check that, I love your poems april! Ok not saying that I dont love you, but you know what I mean! I loved the last one..."sigh" Goddess now I have to leave!! Keep writting you wonderful person you!!

-Rose

"Wanna see my ID? Cause I totally have it!" Jennifer Garner in 13 going on 30

You look sexy in your jeans. Baby you look sexy in your jeans.

[willowsgirl]

Hey April,

sorry no feedback before now, but I just loved your last poem, so here i am I love all your poems on this thread, but the last one was really beautifully written, and from the way i read it, something i can totally relate to. So anyway, take care, and more soon!

Stacey xx

[shadowygirl]

Hey Ya'll I'll leave replys in a lil while right now I'm going to post these then head into bed ... NITE !!!







Kick me





You’ve punished me just because you can

You’ve broken me because it makes you smile

Sitting and taunting

Laughing and joking

Not knowing what this is going to do to you

In the end

Its going to crush you

don’t put you’re hand on my shoulder

Pretending to be my friend

don’t make jokes thinking I will laugh

Because you have that cute little smile

The one that lights you’re eyes

The one that made me notice you

So many months ago

You’re hateful words cut me deeply

Make me hate you

Just for the way you are

But then again when you cry

I hold you

I’m there for you

I can’t turn away

Turn my back on you

You’ve done this to me

Made me so damn weak

A little helpless puppy

Fallen at you’re feet

Go a head

Kick me again

I’ll whimper

Then crawl back to you

My loyalty is here

Where it will always will be

In the end this won’t hurt me

Its only gonna hurt you

When I have enough and walk away

Or scream this to you’re face

When I stop and realize

That I’m better then you

I DON’T NEED YOU !

But for now I’ll huddle in a ball

And whimper at you’re feet

Till you start to cry and say that you need me

I’ll be there to whip you’re tears

To hide you from you’re fears

To take you’re pain away

Till you decided you want to play

Then you’ll kick me once again



~~~~~~~

I am



I am the soul of a lost little boy

The one who sits on the corner I am the solitary

Asking for you’re spare change

The loose stuff that’s in the bottom of you’re bag

You’ll just throw it away later on

Spend it on things that you don’t really need

The boy that I live in really isn’t young

To me he is

Trying to find his way

Only the age of 20

With no place to call his home

To one to call his family

You pass him bye without a second thought

I am his weeping soul







I am the beating heart of the lively young lady

sitting at the coffee shop

The one who is there everyday

With the smile plastered across her face

She’ll great you with a hand shake or a soft nod of her head

She’ll call you ma’am or sir

And hold the door for you

Yet she’s hurting so badly inside and you don’t know

You won’t know

Because she won’t let you

She won’t let this world get her down

And she won’t be bitter

Because of the close minded people out there

I am her breaking heart





I am the love between the older couple sitting on the porch swing

The one you walk by every night

As you walk you’re dog

The couple that has been through so much

Their kids are grown and gone

The grandkids are now having babies

They’ve lived the wars

And watch times change

Gone from a well to pump their water

To having it running and warm

No phones or TV’s

To internet and cells

And yet their love

Has kept them going

I am their undying love









~~~~

Gentle soul



The night she looked into my eyes

I whispered no need for fear

I promise not to hurt you

I’ll just gently take you there

She knew I wouldn’t move to quickly

Or cause her any pain

But something in her heart

Kept her arms away

I couldn’t tell what it was

So I looked to her pretty eyes

The soul I found shocked me senseless

And took my breath away

So much hurt

And so much pain

Scared those pretty blues

Just don’t reject

I heard them beg

I couldn’t turn away

I took her hand and kissed her lips

Then told her not today

I held her in my arms all night

Then lulled her fears away

That night she looked into my eyes

Changed my life

Till this day

And every night when we touch

Her gentle soul still shocks me ~~~~



~~~~~~

Living



So you take my heart from me

Hold it in you’re hands

And watch it slowly beat

You’ve ripped my soul from me

Stole it from my eyes

Drowning it in tears



You’ve shattered me

Turned me into nothing

I’m so much that I’m nothing

More then I’ve always been I guess

But still in you’re eyes

I’m useless

Wasted

on this broken world

Nothing to prove

Nothing to show

And what do I have to gain

More of nothing



I’ve existed just to be

Yet I don’t know what that is

Could you possibly show me

Cause I’m lost

In this world of machines

And cold hands



I’m terrified and I can’t turn around

Those hidden monsters will get to close

To close and I can’t run

I can’t face them either

Huddle in a ball and hide in the corner

Where no one could possibly see

And I was born just to be

Yet I don’t know what that is

Could somebody please

Help me









Luv April

[SJ]

Nice contrast in your writing,great poems

[onyxsundrops]

Wonderful work. 'Living' was my fav.



Yvonne

[Oracle Of Magic]

April, that was beautiful. Your poem about your love of Arron. It was so honest, so loving. It brought a smile to my face, and warmed my heart. To know two people so much in love is an honor. Once again, wonderful poem, as all your poems always are.



Blessed Be,

Sarah

"Dont walk in front of me, I may not follow. Dont walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend. - Albert Camus"

[shadowygirl]

Tonight I promise to Reply to all the feed back I've gotten over the last few months but right now I'm just posting a new poem ....



This is about my dogs ..Sam just died Snoopy is lost without him this is what I wrote about it !



Where did he go



She sits there staring at the door

for hours on end

The same door he walked out

a few days before

I can hear her heart breaking

Not knowing where he’s gone

She doesn’t know

he isn’t coming home

She lays down and looks at the sky

And looks at the walls

She’ll run to the back

And look in the yard

She’ll look in the park

He’s nowhere

Not a single place he used to be

She’ll sit there lonely

Wondering why

Where did he go

Where did they take him

Why isn’t he home

But yet she doesn’t know

She never said goodbye

She looks up at me with her big golden eyes

And I can see her cry

Her whispered question through our eyes

Where did he go

[shadowygirl]

Its a lil dark I know but I was in chat and thinking and well this is what i got lol





Luv April







Not enough for you



Do you wish I was more then I am

Want me to be someone I’m not

Would that please you

Would you like me to look two faced

And fake

Should I sell my self short

Pretend I’m someone I could never be

Should I be a distant being

Someone you could never touch

Could never reach

Someone you can’t get to

I don’t want to live here anymore

Live under these conditions

And I’m not going to plead

I am not going to beg

Though I am shamed

down here on my knees

Looking up at you

With as much trust as I can muster

I’ll hold my hands behind my back

So I don’t reach to strangle you

And I’ll hold my tears back

So you don’t see my weaken state

exasperated

I’ll scream

But not loud enough for you to hear

Cry I will

Silently in the night

To the bitter stars

that are there mocking me

To the angry moon

that won’t let me get lost in my nightmares

To the black blanket

that covers me

That hides me from you

They will only see me cry

one last time

I can not be more then the girl that I am

And I know that this girl isn’t enough for you

[Spikeizmine87]

Aprilness! Great poems!!! Its been a while since you wrote (i think) and im excited to see some new work!!! I always enjoy reading your poems, more soonish???

-Rose

Dude Im fuckin loved! Im loved and I dont care about anything else! And Im cared for! Im fuckin cared for by someone that MATTERS!

[girlfriends actually]

That's a very intense poem. I like it.

[WhiteSkyFire]

April.. wow.. that last one was.. wow.. ok.. no coherent words are coming from me at the moment. Lovely.. truly truly lovely... *hugs*



Sky

[SJ]

Great poetry

[shadowygirl]

Teach me if you can ……



Could you teach my misshapen mind how to work

How to think for its self once again



Could you tell my tattered heart how to love

How to beat so strongly while its breaking



Could you tell my soul its okay

It can come out of hiding

No one will hurt it

And no one will steal it

Like you did before



Can you tell my body how to move again



Tell my legs its ok to leave this room



Tell my eyes they can look into the sun again

See the light once more



Tell my hands its ok to feel

To reach again



You’ve broken all these parts of me

Could you possibly fix this

Teach me how to live again

Since you left

I’ve been crying

My eyes can’t see a light

Fogged up by salty tears

That I just can’t shed no more



You shattered my once strong self

I’ve been hiding

My body won’t try

My soul is lost

My mind can’t think

And my heart is broken



There is nothing I can do

Finally I’ll face the fact

That everything I once was

The strength I once had

The power I once owned

I had given to you

For you to break

To use

Say things you never really meant

Only because you could





Was everything you said

Single minded illusions

Delirious thoughts

Will you plead temporary insanity

To get you out of a mess you caused



I’m not asking for you to love me

I know that would be to much

And I don’t want you as a friend



I’m just asking

Begging

Pleading

Please can you teach me how to live again





~~~~



Waiting



All the stars will fall from the pretty night sky’s

The blackest blue will turn to gray

The earth will tremble

The ground will shake

Storms pour in

Thunder will roll

And lightening will strike



Thoughts might flash through you’re mind

Make you smile

Make you cry

You’ll want to scream

You’ll want to die



But life will keep on moving

You're heart will break

With sleepless nights

Bad nightmares when you finally do sleep

Wake up in a pouring sweat

Screaming

And reaching for that one person

The one that’s causing all this pain



You’ll hold what’s left of you’re heart in you’re hand

And bear you’re soul on you’re shoulder

Beg her to come back

Wonder why she had to go

Why he took her away



But life goes on and time moves faster

The pain will dull

You’re heart won’t heal

But it will mend

Just know one day you’ll be with her again



~~~~



Blood Stained



There’s not much left to say now

There’s blood on the floor

blood on you’re hands

And blood in the tears I’ve cried

its like a slap in the face with a needled glove

Sharp and painful

And straight to the bone

You’re living a lie

And its all black and white

But you can’t see past the pretty colors

The ones that are fogging up you’re pretty eyes

And there is just so much to be afraid of

But you act like there is nothing

It’s a vivid memory

of the moment you stole everything from me

There’s a stillness that fills every breath I take

A broken staleness

A bitter taste

Chilling tears

I’m alone and silent

But this is as loud as it ever will be

I’m no longer blind

and I’m not so paranoid

I can see what you’ve done to me

I wont be you’re toy no more

I wont take you’re harsh words

And I wont sit in my blood stained clothes

Waiting for you’re next move

Seeing if there is more to say

When I know there is nothing

I wont wash you’re blood stained hands

And I wont cry these bloody tears

Edited by: shadowygirl at: 6/10/04 12:31 pm

[WhiteSkyFire]

wow april.. intense.. i love your writing *hugs*



Sky

[Spikeizmine87]

Jeezus aprilness! Those were really intense.....and deep, and meaningfull and...and...JUST GREAT!! More? Yes, I think there should be more!

-Rose

Dude Im fuckin loved! Im loved and I dont care about anything else! And Im cared for! Im fuckin cared for by someone that MATTERS!