Poems all kinds mixed up

[SJ]

Those poems were really great

[Renee85]

Hey, glad to see you back and posting! With a whole bunch of wonderful poems too, I enjoyed them all.

__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi

[Arron CFF]

Baby you are such an amazing writer and you capture your feelings so well and I am amazed everytime I see another part of your soul in a new line you have typed



love you sweetheart

Arron

She walks in beauty, Like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright; Meet in her aspect, and her eyes. ~ by Byron ~

[shadowygirl]

I am back yet again hehe here is another new poem ...



And to all who left feed back thank you oh so much it means alot that everyone still reads my mind babble



Personal Pride



I am me

a person

that is lost in the confusing world that you have made

I am held back

tied up

my mouth tapped shut



so I can not speak my mind

so I can not say what I want to say



What have I been thinking

day after day

week after week

the thoughts never go away



FREE COUNTRY!

that is almost like a joke

which country is free

because it is not this one

this one

this free country

we have to guard ourselves

watch our mouths

speak to much

get banished into a life of solitary living



Never tell what is on your mind

it might be wrong of you to think that thought

what is wrong with you!

you thought about her that way



A CRIME!

everything is a crime

every movement, every push and pull

everything we go through

to be who we are



SHAME ON YOU!

everything I do

should be shamed

or so they keep saying in my ear

screaming in my ear



YOU FOOL!

yes I am to believe that this place is truly free

how could I hide any longer

I couldn't

I could be a fool

well I thought someone was on my side

fooled





And we keep fighting

we keep giving

just so that they can keep taking

but we can't stop if we do we will end with nothing

just like we will

end with nothing

nobody

we will be held captive with nothing

in this place that is so easily confusing

with nobody

but pride

Pride!

it is the only thing they can not take from me

not willingly





~~~~~



You can't care its like you're cement

concrete

wrapped tightly in your own little world

forgetting everyone else

forgetting there are monsters out there

ready to break us

beat us

harm us in any way they can

anytime they see fit

and you think there is something wrong with me

something so horribly wrong with me

but you can't see

because you can't care

that its not me

its you

YOU

You are one of those monsters

that's trying to break me

beat me

make me unworthy of everything and anything that's good in this world

make me confused

and uninterested in anything that is good

YOU

want to turn me into you



Thanks to all who read and like



Love Always April

Blessed Be





"To anyone who was offended by  MY life please know I have succumbed to your censorship." Said by a friend Jaunty Pill

[shadowygirl]

A few more new poems





Realisation



She Closes her eyes to deny that she's unhappy , and the violent horrifying awakening dream that she just saw is her rock bottom





~~~~~~~





They Don't understand



I feel the blood rushing in my ears

pounding

with every beat of my heart it pounds louder and louder

blocking out everything else

except their feet outside my door

yelling , knocking

wanting to come in

wanting to break through

but I can't let them

I wont let them see

me make another cut

can't let them see

me cause another round of pain

they wouldn't understand

I'm teaching myself to feel

how could they understand

another scar

cover up

another tear

whipe away

some more blood

they could never understand



~~~~~~~



Chaos



Chaos, my mind is in total chaos

insanity as I twirl around and around

and around

without movement

and this child is burning

burning in some hell I made within myself

a Hell I tend to visit from time to time

to make things alright

and things are never alright

especially when I go there

to smile

I smile

as I watch

memories, moments

thoughts flash before my bitter black eyes

coloured in with your black pen like some picture that annoyed

annoyed to the breaking point

annoyed like a screaming baby

or a barking dog

that you can't block out

I coloured my own eyes in

blackened them

now they match the hell within myself

that's in my mind

my heart left me

walked away

went far away

now I can not feel , I do not want to feel

all I have is this cold

gaping hole in my chest

with dripping stale blood

and blackened eyes

[shadowygirl]

I just wrote this poem about 10 mins ago





On Going Nightmare



Here it comes again

rearing its ugly head

laughing in the reflection of my tears

screaming into my deafened ears

I can't seem to make it stop

can't make the night mares go away

I've changed

forgotten for so long

but now

I remember

to much I remember

I feel to little these days

except when this inner monster

comes back to haunt me

it has hallow eyes

a hallow voice

cold hands all over me

cringing

I hate cold hands

chilling my blood

I hate cold blood

but my tears

they hurt

they burn

there to hot for me to handle

but they fall

unstopped

unnoticed

silently

they fall

and it just

won't go away

[Spikeizmine87]

go april go!! That was alot of bunches of poems! And I loved em all! Such greatness and depth!!!!!!! Lovely!!!! Write more soon!

-rose

I didnt know what being happy was till i found you, i didnt know what love meant till i loved you.

[munchkin flavoured jellyb]

OMG!!! YOU ROCK!! those poems were great! I jus wanted to say WOW!!! and i just can not wait for more!

[SJ]

Great poems,liked all of them

[shadowygirl]

well I wasn't sure if I was going to post these here because some of them are really personal and well alot of people on this site are my friends but I thought what the hell



so here they are





Why did I do it ... to Understand me



Why did I do it

Why did I leave those scars

Maybe I did it so I could be more in depth

So I could understand

because  a truly lost soul is nothing without a bit of pain

a bit of angst

I put these cuts on my arms in hopes of inspiration

I felt nothing while scaring my skin for life

I did it all

so I could listen to people bash

what I poured through my fingertips from my tattered soul

I bled this chilled blood

just to understand something that I realise now is not understandable

and never will be

I look at these scars everyday

in hopes no one will see

what was going through my mind

how my stomach

is twisted in knots

all day everyday

I cover them with leather  bands

and bracelets  thinking everyone is simply blind

and I was asked the other day "are you wanting to die?"

and I never had to think before I said "not at the moment"

I would be lying if I said I've never wanted to die

everybody has at some point in their life

Maybe I put those cuts there in hopes I'd accidentally go a little deeper this time

bleed a little bit more

That really isn't the reason though

To be a little bit more unnoticed and it would be over

the pain

the confusion

the thoughts that are constantly going through my mind

the messed up thoughts

that are always trying to break me into something unrecognisable

there are good times don't get me wrong

there are also good people that I love with everything that I am

but the bad thoughts just wont go away this time

they used to always go away

but I'm asked why did I do it ?

I just simply don't know

possibly because it was a good idea at the time

it felt right at the time

do I regret it ?

No

it helped at the time

it made the pain inside feel like nothing

and that was all I needed at that exact moment

I pulled the sharp blade across my satin like skin

in hopes it would ease my inner pain for just a second and it did

Understand that or not but it did

It's not like I'm going to do it again

I learned my lesson

believe me or don't

either way I don't care

hate me for it if you'd like

think I'm messed up

screwed up

need help

but don't think you have the right to know me

when you know nothing of what I'm feeling

       



~~~~~~~



Misery



Do you understand what it is you see when you look behind my eyes

into the soul that I've willingly opened for you

I've handed over my heart as clear as glass

willing you to break it

as cold as ice

needing you to warm it

I've been locked in this chamber inside myself for years

round

no corners to hide

total darkness, depth that I was never able to show

and you're holding my slow beating heart in your hands

not minding as my heated blood drips from your fingertips

to land on that cold stone floor under my battered feet

the floor I've spent so many nights weeping upon

it now doesn't seem so bitter

I feel something break inside me

and watch as my tears mingle with the blood from my heart on that floor

keep my heart will you please

I do not want it back now that I've handed it over without second thought

but there is one simple thing I ask you

Do you understand what it is you see behind my eyes

my soul, my tears that keep falling

can you catch them

for I fear if they fall much longer I will drowned in my own misery

       

       





~~~~~~





Love and time



The shadows are playing games across your gentle skin

during this foggy night

Whispering so many unneeded words to one another

Holding on as if these will be our last few moments

but knowing we'll have forever

Understanding so much that no one will ever know

We listen to the quiet stillness the dead of night brings

along with a misty rain that's suddenly fallen

thunders rolling in the clouds far off somewhere in the distance

and there is nothing that can stop this moment

these few seconds that pass like hours

or days, who really knows

And if it wasn't for the slight breeze

or that soft rain

I would actually believe that time has stopped

Though maybe it has

and we walk

holding on to each other

holding onto love

melting away into the night

       

       







~~~~~~





It Really Doesn't Matter





Sitting frozen

her stone cold finger tips

tracing her chilling blood

dripping blood

watching it ooze from the fresh slice in her arm

down her wrist

to drip from those frozen finger tips

her empty eyes

looking at nothing

remembering everything

this isn't a game she knows

can't play with something like this

not a joke to cut so much

to hurt so little

and people don't understand

they think she's crazy

losing her mind

but she likes this pain

she likes the blood

she loves the sting it leaves

the scars it makes really aren't so bad    

not to many people notice

and if they do they don't bring it up

better not to talk about

things that are so messed up

things that can't be fixed

better just to ignore

to forget

to not notice

it doesn't matter any more

it really doesn't

because she won't stop

its all apart of who she is

the scars are apart of who she'll be

the pain is something she'll always feel

so it really doesn't matter anymore        

       







       

[Spikeizmine87]

"falls to the floor" jeezus april...how can just 2 poems just invoke and bring back so many feelings long forgotten? Cause thats what your poems have just done. Believe me when i tell you (when im sure many people will tell you often) that i understand (even though i wont pry and ask) what it is that youre goin through...with the cutting....I dont know what to say. Been there. Hated myself for it, hated others for telling me not to and askin if i wanted to die. And I know what its like, to press that blade just a lil bit deeper....ok no more about that cause well, i dont wanna think about it lol. Its good that you posted!!! Do it again ay? Take care of yourself Aprilness!!! The rockin rose loves ya and she wants to lick your PINK :O hair!

-rose

I didnt know what being happy was till i found you, i didnt know what love meant till i loved you.

[TemperedCynic]

Some very deep subjects, sweetie. Here's hoping that things have changed your perspective over time.



Here's hoping you and those you love are well.

---

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935 - )

[shadowygirl]

Sorry for depressing you Rockin rose but sometimes its good to be all blah lol I think



MIKE !! geeze its been to long ! thanks for the feedback , and yeah some deep subjects there but yeah things are looking up finally I think thanks for the feedback though Mike *hugs* miss ya

[SJ]

Pretty dark poetry,powerful writing

[TaraBaby77]

WOW!!! April, what can I say??? You can surely write some very powerful peices. Keep feeling and keep writing... take care and hope to see some more soon. =)

Aaron

'Tarababy77'

---

"Don't buy into all the media crap. Love yourself for who you are, not what others THINK you should look like. It's DEFINITELY more important in this life to love each other despite our imperfections." - Amber Benson

---

[Arron CFF]

Hey sweetheart

great job writing

I love you

She walks in beauty, Like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright; Meet in her aspect, and her eyes. ~ by Byron ~

[barnabasvamp]

Very glad you decided to post these.

Especially "Love and Time"



Thanks for sharing.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

[Miss Evanescent]

*pokes april's thread* yay poems! i cant believe i hadnt read these before! so beautiful and well written i am thoroughly impressed! and now that i know its here i will be sure to stop by more often thankyou for sharing all of these wonderful updates. poetry makes me hehe

[robotguru]

April! *hugs*



I've only read the first two pages but i love what i've read so far, thanks for sharing. And oi...get on yahell, it's been time since we've talked Kidding, i'll see you whenever.



Great poems, i hope you do some more for us.

------------------



There can be no rainbow without rain, you cannot know true happiness until you know sadness first.

[robotguru]

Just skipped forward to your latest and :o...where did all the light stuff go?



This brings back certain issues including a certain arguement we had on kitten we won't go into, i honestly assumed you knew nothing about it though, meh.



*hugs* good poems but...dark, too much like mine lol. Keep sharing.

------------------



There can be no rainbow without rain, you cannot know true happiness until you know sadness first.

[sam darls]

Hey april..amazing poetry..so dark, and so pretty..I love it!!. Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[shadowygirl]

Thank you to everyone who posted feed back It means so much to me that ya'll care enough to read my ramblings now onto some more new poetry !







Rippled



I'm standing here in this life that is mine

watching the rain fall down

pooling at my feet

its that time where the trees fall to pieces right before my eyes

like every other year

but this isn't every other year

remembering a time I had alone

with so many

not to long ago

when I loved without holding back

and touched as if I had never been burned

yet now I wonder how the sun can shine so bright

blindingly bright, before my eyes

how it acts as if nothing has changed

like nothing is wrong

why are the birds so happily singing

while I'm hurting

my hearts been ripped through my rib cage

strangled till I could not breathe no more

and not by one I've loved

but by many I've lost

my tears stopped flowing

so are you going to cry for me

I can see the tears behind your eyes

the slight shimmer they add

I am watching you , you know

I've always been watching you

the way you moved so freely before life got in your way

the way you felt so easily before this pain showed you who I really am

I know what it is you're feeling

I've been feeling it for a long time

I can see it in your broken eyes

I've seen it in my own every day

I can hear it in your quiet sobs

because I've laid alone under this old tree and cried till all my tears had turned to sand

You're looking at me again

unbelieving you stare at me

like I'm not even here

tearing through me as if I'm thin paper that's standing in your way

do you understand how I hurt when I look at you

and see the pain

the lives you've lived even though you're still so young

I can tell you're crying for me now

your tears have fallen into the puddle I've been staring into for so long

they are rippling my image of you

my image of me

just like the emotions I feel

rippled







~~~~~





Like an Old cup of coffee



I'm sitting on the floor

in some cold place inside myself

I got a little tired of walking

this path to nowhere

getting nowhere

and where is nowhere anyhow?

what's it look like

and who's going to lead me there

because I can't go on my own anymore

I'm getting a bit too lost

I've scattered myself to so many places

to so many people

but I can't seem to find any help

when I need it most I can't help myself

I'm sitting in this chair in this coffee shop now

by the window

it's strangely cold in here

like a morgue

maybe this is a morgue

Cafe la morgue

all things dead

and cold

the coffee in my cup is kinda like me

bitter and cold

hard to swallow

but needed most of the time

strange how I can't seem to relate to anyone

but I can to this coffee

this cold and bitter coffee



~~~~



Tripping



There is no way to over come these things I've done

the inner turmoil

and suffering I've caused

I know I've messed up

time and time again

its what I do best

and that hole where my heart used to be is aching

and its growing bigger

day after day

and every scream you make to get out

hurts my head where you're trapped

inside

deep inside

where I put you

then I threw away the key

because I know

and you know

if you get out again we're both screwed

the scars are healing

but the wanting

never goes away

and this is some bad dream

even with my eyes wide open

the images are there

and with my ears plugged

the voices are as loud as ever

getting louder everyday

my thoughts are scattered everywhere

as I mindlessly move through each day

and the music beating through my soul is starting to make me trip



~~~~



Echo



We're only friends he said

it echo's through her mind

like an angry fire

clearing everything in its path

leaving nothing but burnt remains

burning parts of her she never knew could burn

the realisation that they will never be

finally sinking in

and I see it on her face

I see it in her eyes

the hurt

the love

everything she's always felt

and I hold her while she cries those gentle tears

I wipe them away everytime

I answer to her calls in the middle of the night

and chase away her nightmares

and I always will

and even if she doesn't know

I know exactly what it is she's going through

because we're only friends

it echo's through my mind....



.............





well that is all for now I hope you enjoy



Luv April *big hugs to everyone whos read and left feedback*

[robotguru]

Hey April



Ooh, more dark poems, sheesh, between the two of us, i wonder why there's any light at all in here



Good poems April, i'm still lovin' them, now i just got to read the ones i skipped to read these



*hugs*

Chris

[SJ]

Great poems

[Miss Evanescent]

Quote:

---

I can see the tears behind your eyes

the slight shimmer they add

I am watching you , you know

I've always been watching you

---

that part really stood out! yay april posted!

Not quite broken but i'd still like to be fixed

~Me

[Renee85]

Wow April, lots and lots of poemy goodness! How do you do it? Pretty dark stuff too, especially the one about the morgue. I’m loving all the poems as well, thanks for sharing all your poetry and talent. Keep it up.



clearing everything in its path

leaving nothing but burnt remains

burning parts of her she never knew could burn

the realisation that they will never be



Pretty powerful. :-)

__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi

[barnabasvamp]

Wonderful work.



Look forward to more.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

[TaraBaby77]

Hey April



I'm going to have to second the wonderful work!!! Sorry for the late feedback. Take Care. =)

Aaron

'Tarababy77'

---

"Don't buy into all the media crap. Love yourself for who you are, not what others THINK you should look like. It's DEFINITELY more important in this life to love each other despite our imperfections." - Amber Benson

---

[Shadowygirl]

Well it has been a long time things have been changing so much Arron and I are still together though so thats a plus

Lying here dying here

Come and find me here
Lying here
Dying here
And don’t forget you’re why I’m crying
why I’m screaming
sign my wrists
with your name
chiseled in
with my sharpened pain
so you know
I’m not ashamed
I’m not afraid
I’m lying here
Dying here
And do you care
Will you even cry
Killing myself is nothing new
From that first moment after
I started dying
Lying
Bleeding inside
smiling through
and there’s nothing more left to say
I’m lying here
I’m dying here
Have you ever cared

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do You Believe


Don't know what to do
how to feel
Don't know how to act
what to say
Everything
currently feels
so wrong
so far away
Will you stay
I've never been so unsure
and I love you
more then anything I do
but you don't believe
Believe I do
Believe in me
you don't believe in us
I've done so many stupid things
I'm sorry
again you don't believe
I'm sorry


Well I hope everyone enjoys , things have been a little hard lately .. but picking up I think I miss everyone and hopefully if i get this puter to work I will come into chat tomorrow night or later on tonight

lots of love to everyone

love april

[LesbianJedi87]

April, these 2 were fantastic
Of course, they always are. Im glad to hear you and Arron are still together and that you might possibly come into chat That make's me a bit giddy hehe Hope to see more of your poems soon!

edit: woo hoo for this being my 1500 post!!! Recently gay! yay!