Chock Full O' Words

[Spikeizmine87]

and a !! Those words are inspiring! I love em! Keep em goin!!

-Rose



I loves me AMber!

[tkheaven]

SJ - Thank you

ScarlettVonRaven - wow, I got a bow.. thank you. I'm glad you liked the mess I created in there as well as the rest of my wordy clutter. I totally agree with someone when they mentioned how the best creativity comes out when we're the most f****d up, in any sense...thank you again

Spikeizmine87 - Inspiring huh... I'll keep the words comin' if you keep bowing before me baby! heh



This next one is something I had written a while ago after a request I'd gotten to write down what it was I wanted. *pause* that was actually the second request I'd gotten and told I'd be graded on this. anyway...posting this here is purely out of the creative writing aspect of it (which is not a whole hell of alot, I know..need to flesh it out a bit)...ok, it was an interestingly emotional moment as well..some know what I speak of. If anyone in particular reads this..it's writing..there's only so much I can alter.





What Do I Want…



What do I want? Good question to ask when you don’t have to think about the consequences once this question is answered. Well, let’s start from there, consequences. I want consequences to take it easy on us when we do or say something that may hurt us somehow in the end. I want for it to know when we mean something in its cruelest intent and then give it to us as we deserve. If we do things out of consideration or respect, even if it seems otherwise, then consequences should just give us a sign; a big and bright, neon sign that says ‘Yield dumbfuck! Think before you speak or step in the pile of shit you’re about to create.’ Results to an action would be greatly rewarded depending on the action taken. Why do we need to be the only ones to stress our brains out when thinking of something petty or life altering?

I want destiny to make up its damn mind. Giving us a path to walk on and running into boulders every five minutes isn’t my way of learning, especially if it’s going to drop right on our heads and crush us to death. Sometimes, just sometimes, I’d like to know what the future holds. Avoid the pains we go through, from visiting the dentist to the loss of a loved one. Yes, we can’t always know, but wouldn’t it be better to prepare for what’s to come - do what you wanted before eternal sleep or have that one fucking jawbreaker? I said ‘sometimes’ because sometimes we need to experience these things, I guess. And if this were to make any sense than I wouldn’t be contradicting myself, but then again, I don’t expect to get the best of grades on this. Besides, since when did life ever make sense?

Sometimes, time flies, timing is everything. What the fuck is up with time? I want time to take its time when it's time to enjoy the time with what you have instead of speeding up and flying when it's time to go from whatever bliss you’re experiencing. That’s the reason why watches were invented, so it can irk you with the seconds that tick loudly reminding you that you need to keep up with time.

I want to lose weight, look and feel better. Who am I kidding? Look good for who? Hell, I need to maintain my weight so that the buttons on my jeans don’t pop.

I want to have dreams, not nightmares. I want to not wonder why I woke up. Scrunching my nose at my brain’s decision to see in my mind's eye a goddess; telling me to take her and ravage her the way I knew how, the way she loved me to touch her, to say her name while biting at her neck and flicking my tongue at her nipples. Seeing her naked body turn in bliss, exposing her flesh for the taking, then having a third person there with us. The other woman? Another I lust for to join us? No. Another person naked, asking, ‘Why do you bother? It won’t change anything. She loves your sex, your touch. She knows you can make her scream, make her tremble with incredible arousal. That’s what she loves. She doesn’t love you. She won’t come back.’ I take a look at this goddess. And she's not saying anything. It's the truth I hated to hear. The truth I was always afraid of, opposite my begging her to never leave. I throw the underwear that somehow appeared in my hand to this other person in anger. Then I look, and think ‘wait, that’s mine, this one’s yours’ and throw the other that, likewise, mysteriously appeared. ‘Hold on, that’s mine, too.’ And I look up, and I wake up. Shit, that was me wasn’t it? That was me telling myself it’s over. It’s been over. Now wake the fuck up and move on. Scary, the last time I had a dream my subconscious was screaming about, it came true. I guess I should follow this next clue to its treasure. Well, at least I know I’m fucking great in bed. Just fucking great.

Fear. I want it gone, to disappear. Not the feeling you get when watching The Ring then realizing in seven days kids will be parading around in ghoulish masks chanting ‘Trick or Treat’. It's fear of what’s to come, hence the needing to know what the fuck is to come sometimes. Fearing that you didn’t do well on an exam, fear of losing your best friend, fear of losing yourself. Fear of not receiving what you give, not because you’re selfish, but because you fear no one wants to reciprocate. Fear that you don’t deserve it. Fear to fall again. Fear to feel and hurting because you felt, because you gave yourself to feeling. Fear of showing how you feel because of the consequences it may bring with time, wishing it was all a dream destiny put together to bust on you.





The whole underwear thing..I honestly don't know why underwear. A brick might have been more effective *shrug* I guess it falls right there with the CheeseMan...

ok..I'm ready..let me have it...*squint* please don't hurt me?

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

Dreams are...illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you. -Marsha Norman

Edited by: tkheaven  at: 11/13/03 5:35 am

[intricate mirage]

The whole underwear thing... **raises a questioning eyebrow**



You commented that while writing this it was an interestingly emotional moment and I definitely can see that from what's being written. What you wrote was very raw, very real. I loved it. What a way to end everything with last bit about fear. I was very blown away by it. Great work tkheaven

Cassie





Ask me if I loved you yesterday. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I love you today. I'll say 'Yes'

Ask me if I'll love you tomorrow. I'll say 'Always'

[SJ]

Thought that was interesting,liked it.

I always like the imagery in your writing

[tkheaven]

not being hesitant

is what I wish

thinking twice about things

it's what's messed me up

indecisions

for every word spoken

new deep gash

for every step taken

hopes and dreams

promises broken

in the end

all was forsaken

o/~ and somebody told me that this is the place

where everything's better, everything's safe o/~

someone did tell me

but the words were in jest

why should I sway

it's something I've come to learn

indecisions

for every word spoken

new deep gash

for every step taken

hopes and dreams

promises broken

in the end

all was forsaken

o/~ and people don't know you, and trust is a joke

we don't even have pictures just memories to hold o/~

it's time to move on

no need to hold on

the pain will go on

and I grow, and I know

indecisions

I’ve left that behind

new deep gash

none left for the mind

hopes and dreams

promises told

in the end

I have myself to hold

o/~ walk on the ocean         I’ve felt enough guilt

step on the stones         I’m letting the pain subside

flesh becomes water         I’m moving without regret

wood becomes bone o/~        …………..

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

[SJ]

Great writing

[Urn of Osiris]

Tk, There's some fabulous honesty in your words here. The emotion is raw and real. I enjoyed reading through this. Certainly this thread is chock full of words but it is also chock full of you too. Keep up the work, I do enjoy it.

Urn of Osiris

Mary Magdalene was a whore and Jesus dug her because she taught him the most sacred thing a man could ever learn in his lifetime: how to fuck. Stud that he was, Jesus knew to humble himself to this woman." Inga Muscio Cunt

[tkheaven]

thank you Urn for your words... Now I know it's been a while.. so here's another...







Who Are You...



Hands folded around your feet

Each one adding pressure then releasing

Thumbs circling in motion at the soreness

Working their way down until the tingling feeling remains

The same wonder when your legs experience

Muscles stretching in relief

Massaging until the nuisance fades

And the warmth rises from your toes

Much like slipping into a warm bath

Who are you?...



Reaching toward an inviting patch

Lips tracing over skin

Temperature rising

Covering you until it plays at your desire

Eyes to blanket the beauty for mine to see

Tongue in tasting what can only be through your

Scent playing at my sense of smell

Barely touching this dream I cannot awake from

know you exist…



Swelling with a sense of desire

Breasts teasingly linger

Fingers tracing circles upon your skin

Calling the reaction to rise in peaks

Your arms reaching for a face

My body reaching for a touch

Closer, we are to an accord, a peace, a silence

Is that really you?...



Breathy notes escape

Smoky and fading

Riding in harmony with an essence

Collaborating a symphony

Tones deep and sultry

Demanding the turn of a head

I must be dreaming…



Mind at ease

Leaving any thought behind

Drifting to a higher plane

As the sound of my lips reach your ear

In silent plea

Let my mind join you…



Bodies now joining

Scents intermingling

Movements creating a unique score

Sending us where it is only you and I

Can this be….



Head lifted catching a view

Allured in beauty’s windows

Show me…

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

[onyxsundrops]

Wonderful poem. I loved the last three stanzas. Thanks.



Yvonne

[eveningstar845]

Beautiful poem.

The only abnormality is the incapacity to love - Anais Nin

[SJ]

Wonderful poem

[tkheaven]

Thank yas, thank yas...and now, another...

warning, this may not make any sense whatsoever, nor is it beta'd..it just is...





Still



Looking at the time LCD’d on the dash, 11:11pm.

Make a wish just as my fingers catch a falling eyelash

and blow away at the crumbs of toast with jam

the waitress served a few moments ago.

Earl Grey washing down tubes

making me cough while I tug at the dreaded hospital gown.

‘Are you ok?’ you ask, and I nod.

So excuse me while I go a-jaunting through parallel lines

capturing what’s not been lived.

Try not to miss me while I’m gone.

Promise to return a whole new me

while I look the same,

if I’ve even left...

unless I’ve woken up from deep sleep

in an unexpected state of unconsciousness.

I’ll carry my bags with me and leave my past behind

for a new set of bags created just under my eyes.

The path I now go leads me to a déjà vu in a different suit

but I follow that yellow brick road ending

with the dark stop sign at the tip of my head

momentarily freezing from the iced drink in my hand.

And you stop, and you ask me, ‘Are you OK?’…

down the grey slated sidewalk by the abandoned house.

Windows boarded up I hammer away

to keep the unwanted visitors or the

annoying jackasses throwing stones

through the glass…shattering…

startling me to reality…slightly…

lids slowly closing and suddenly flipping wide-eyed.

That damn shade flapping away letting in that brightness

I turn and head to the stove nearby cooking up a brainstorm

while the kids run around the table and stop.

‘Over easy’ I hear the child’s voice…

The yellow running down as the longest teardrop I’ve ever seen,

rescued as the passing paintbrush smoothes it across

the baby room’s border followed by a

defined line not ever crossed unless you’ve been sleeping…

perhaps…

Fuzzy with the spray of thought

and something catches my eye in this fog.

Fishing through emotion and self juxtaposed, I suppose

between unseen lines seeing me seeing you.

Through the looking glass I watch and glide

with the rest of me across the sands of the hour glass

flipped back and land in the passenger’s seat…

staring blankly into my reflection of your eyes.



‘Are you OK?’ you ask. ‘Where were you just then?’

With a chuckle I respond, ‘Umm, here...right here.’



I see the time from my peripherals.

My throat contracts at the dryness

Coughing and seeing the LCD’d time…11:12pm









Does freewriting ever make sense?? *shrug*

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

[SJ]

Thought that was interesting and different,great writing

[girlfriends actually]

This is a very deep and interesting poem. I like how it boggles my mind.

[tkheaven]

Thank you SJ and girlfriends actually...

this one's just so plain, imo.. but really, I've been so out of it and pissed at *ahem* certain people...ya well..here it is..



Still

No will

Barely

Lost in a daze

Lost in a maze

No one’s there

Just an echo

Muscles sore

Trying to move

Feeling the pull

Trapped inside

Soaking from tears

Breaking knuckles

Punching so hard

Yelling, screaming

Let me out

I Want Out

I Fucking! Want! Out!

I fucking want out…

Want free

Want me

To simply be

Tired of asking

Tired or crying

Giving in to paranoia

Heart squeezed

Pride shook

Thoughts influenced

Trust broken

Friendship non-existent

Love unknown

Strength stripped

Securities doubted

Feeling lost

Feeling...oblivious…

Tearful

Fearful

Trying, trying to break through

I’m trying to break through

And no one’s listening

Cuz no one’s there

Cuz you’re not there

Stop.Breathe Slowly.Listen.

Shhhhhh…listen…

…exactly…









Edited because, hell I know how to spell...sometimes...

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

Edited by: tkheaven  at: 6/26/04 8:33 pm

[SJ]

Your poetry is great,you capture emotions really well

[onyxsundrops]

Simply... wow. Very expressive.



Yvonne

[girlfriends actually]

Hey tk I know what your going through. I feel like that on my bad days. Really excellent poem!!

[tkheaven]

SJ, onyxsundrops - Thank you very much.

girlfriends actually - Glad you liked. A few things had been stressing me out and just really pissing me off. It feels better though when you finally get to scream til your throat goes sore.



More soon, promise. In the meantime I'll be over here learning tabs to LP and Ani DiFranco...

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

[tkheaven]

Oh my... it has been quite a while... shame on me.. I have been inspired, it's just been more musically inclined than the words I've posted. My muse has gotten a kick out of messing with my guitar and coming up with a few cool chords. Hopefully I'll have more to post soon. I thank everyone once again for commentating on my Chock Full O' Word'iness...

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

[tkheaven]

blah...



Hit & Miss Chris

There once was a hot girl named Chris

Whose name appeared on my wish list

We hit it off great

Sexy second date

Somehow she got me to feel bliss



She ended up calling it off

Twice! It was more than enough

Although things were great

Feelings would abate

Our phone calls were making things tough



SO



I told her we needed to speak

My feelings would soon reach its peak

The calls would desist….

A nod and sweet kiss….

I vowed to mix it up each week….



And not let feelings run too deep….

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"...Crazy? Crazy?? I do not talk to myself...it's called thinking aloud...

---

Tara ate her, devoured her from beneath. -The Edge of Silence giving new meaning to season seven's catch phrase.

bulldog: (gesturing to tk)"Can she get a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against the Wall?" female bartender: (laughing)"Honey, you're living in a fantasy world."

[WickedReds]

Aww Katy... i send u some hugs...



-reds



Meine Banane tanzt für Rußflocke 

Smutbunny Anthem: *sung to tune from Goldfinger* Smutbunnies...they'er the bunnies, the bunnies that love the smut...and Willow's butt. They surf for smut fiction...always lookin' for the next naked sweaty fix...of Tara's tits.- Written By Cameron(tarawhipped) For Us Smut Bunnies

[SJ]

Ditto to that.

[TaraBaby77]

My goodness, sweetie, talk about fantastic!!! You are very amazing with your descriptive wording. If you have any more wonder pieces, do share. Great work, TK. Take care. =)

Aaron

'Tarababy77'

---

"Don't buy into all the media crap. Love yourself for who you are, not what others THINK you should look like. It's DEFINITELY more important in this life to love each other despite our imperfections." - Amber Benson

---

[tkheaven]

Right out of a blog I put up a little under a week ago..felt shitty..wrote shitty...day was simply shitty..


Fuck This...
Current mood: indescribable


Fuck the world and its impossibilities
Fuck the world with its damn piss hypocrisies
Fuck the shit that accumulates the street by day
Fuck the bitch that comes to rip your heart away
Fuck the sounds that pierced your ear til you went deaf
Fuck the founds that should be passed on by, Fuck This!
Fuck who said broken hearts can mend with time again
Fuck the scars that break only when you say when
Fuck the minds that get lost with every breath you take
Fuck the strength that rebuilds only when nothing breaks
Fuck the pain that runs so deep it cuts through you
Fuck the rain it won't wash all that it put you through
Fuck the attempts they won't last it's only me right now
Only I can make me alright again I'll make it right somehow


Pissed beyond belief a la "25th Hour"...not directed at any one person, directed at the idiotic ideas and themes that keep messing us up and making up trip time and time again... of situations simply being fucked up...

[onyxsundrops]

A Fucking Men... nuff said.

Yvonne

[SJ]

Hope things get better for you.

[Urn of Osiris]

Hey TK,

Your words are so powerful. It is hard to feel so deeply and open yourself up, only to have it all ripped away. Those moments have brought us (your readers) some wonderful work at your hands. I suppose it is a blessing and a curse. You've heard all the bullshit comforting crap that people spew to make themselves more comfortable around your pain. Who needs that shit. Bitter and confused sucks ass but at least they are emotions. Thank the stars that this place exists for you to vent it and feel understood. And thank you for sharing yourself here. Your work as beautiful and your spirit is equal if not greater .

[barnabasvamp]

Whew!!
Tell me what you want me to do..........I sure hope someone told you sweetie, if not they're missing out.

Dream...Wondeful expession, and everyone needs to be able to speak their minds now and again.

They're all wonderful

BV

[tkheaven]

Holy WOW! It's been quite a while. I was in my bedroom with my fiance and the image of a happy Willow and Tara popped into my head. I decided to swing on by here to see what I've missed..alot, apparently.
Hello to all the members I have yet to met and a "holy crap! how are ya!" to those I haven't seen in a while.
I was skimming all the writings I've posted and thought of how crappy my situation was back then. It's amazing how some things just don't let up.


Darkness, pin-light and the introduction to a story told a thousand times yet never know what it summarized. It still lives in my memory, unwary of the consequences it leaves me. I live, I breathe, I learn to die. Living in an emotional limbo into until I am reborn.
Hard-sketched images, reception wavering and the half-hazard shove to a chapter unfinished. It has been unfolding for years now. Words filled for every minute I never knew existed. Words flowing, building a life I was never part of.
The epitome of emotion and stubbornness rolled into a soft olive toned vessel. I can always feel it; the stabbing, shortness of breath, tear ducts filling until I force them away. It’s the deep inhale and exhale of my past momentarily saving me. It’s a sponge absorbing lessons of pain, filling it until it can’t hold anymore then squeezing every last pixel until my cells cringe. breathe
I have gained knowledge, respect and the occasional flux of satisfying calorie intake after analyzing just how satisfying it can be. Let it absorb…now exhale.
It’s been years since I’ve let out a sigh of accomplishment. The sort where you can close your eyes, smile and really feel as though you’ve made a difference. Completing the task of clearing out a room of dust and objects, creating an acoustic environment - this I have experienced. Unnoticed memories lingering here, there…that’s the difference I’ve yet to experience again.
They come, they conquer and every so often they leave hoping things can be rebuilt. Between the pouring rain, heavy winds and the shine of bright light in the sky, all that was broken has mended. I suppose that which was created in mind – or heart, for that mater – can never be lost, not really. It still pokes at me. It sill lives in my memory. I don’t want to remember.
Incoherent words, animated movement and the story of my life running through my dreams. No matter how wonderfully addicting it was to drown her, I would much rather this drown into the depths of darkness, blurred into a pin-light, and off.