Title: Broken Wing
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Notes: Sorry for the delay in updating, but I wanted to get it right.
Part 11
Tara placed the letter in the top drawer of her desk along with the two thousand dollars her mother had somehow managed to set aside for her. Tomorrow she would have to go to the bank, a dorm room wasn't the safest place for that amount of money, or any amount of money for that matter. She was so grateful her mother was clever enough to find a way to get in touch with her after her death, as the letter answered an infinite amount of questions Tara had wondered about for as long as she could remember. For so long she wondered why her mother stayed in that house with her father? Why had she put her own children through all that pain? What was the point of trying to protect them from it, when she could have just taken her and her brother away and they could have been happy, just the three of them? Yes the letter answered those questions for her, but Tara wasn't sure she liked the answer, she didn't like to think her mother was just like all the other battered women who though they deserved it, and thought there was nothing they could do, but that's exactly what she had been.
Tara dried her eyes for what she hoped was the last time. She had been trying to stop crying for the past thirty minutes as she knew Willow would be there soon and she didn't want to look all blotchy and well, she didn't want to look like she'd been crying. She was in no condition to do a spell tonight, her emotions were all over the chart. Hopefully Willow wouldn't be too disappointed and she would want to come over and do the spell another night. She was in the bathroom splashing cold water on her face when she heard the knock at her door. She quickly dried her face and raced over to the door, straighting her clothes and her hair before opening it.
"Hey," Willow said with a shy smile when Tara opened the door.
"C-come in," Tara said ducking her head and moving aside so Willow could enter.
"Wowww... Your room is amazing," Willow said putting her bag down and looking around the room. "Where did you get all these great paintings?"
"Oh, I, um... p-painted t-them," Tara said looking at the floor.
"Really? That's neat," Willow said moving about the room looking at things, "and check out all these magic books. You have quite a collection," Willow said looking at Tara who had remained in the same spot.
"Thanks," she said without looking up.
"Hey... is everything okay?" Willow asked looking at Tara, she couldn't see anything through the curtain of hair covering her face, but she could sense something was not the norm with Tara. Her first thought was that whoever had given her the bruises had given her some more.
"E-everything is f-fine," Tara said.
"Did someone hurt you?" Willow asked, wanting desperately to see Tara's face, just so she could make sure no one touched her. Willow's hand involuntarily reached out to move Tara's hair aside, but before it could get that far she caught it, and brought it back down to her side.
"No," Tara said, looking up and seeing nothing but concern in Willow's eyes.
"But somebody has," Willow said noticing her teary eyes, and reaching out, lightly tracing her finger over a cut on Tara's cheek. Tara flinched slightly at the contact, but then leaned into Willow's gentle caress. Somewhere in the back of Willow's head her mind was screaming what are you doing, but for the first time Willow didn't listen to that voice. All she could think was how soft Tara's skin felt, and how good it was to be touching her. For a moment, they just stood there like that, starring intently at one another, with Willow running her finger over Tara's cheek.
"I'm okay n-now r-really," Tara said turning away, "but I c-can't do the s-spell with you t-tonight... I'm s-sorry."
"Oh, okay," Willow said, she wasn't sure if she had done something wrong, or what she should do now. Should she leave? Maybe she should leave. Not that she wanted to leave, 'cause Tara was obviously upset by something... and she didn't want to leave her alone and upset... but then again... if it was something she had done that upset Tara... then she probably should go?
They stood there, both looking at the floor, unsure of what to do, until finally Willow decided it would be best if she left. "I guess I should," Willow said starting towards the door, but not finishing the statement.
"You don't h-have to," Tara said looking up at Willow briefly, "you c-could stay."
Willow turned back to face Tara, "Okay," she said a little uncertain of what to do now. 'Okay... maybe I didn't do something wrong, she wants me to stay.. stay, yes, staying is good, but what do I say now?' Willow thought, 'Think, think, think, what do I say.' "Sooo... you painted all these?" Willow asked. 'Lame, lame, lame.'
"Um... yeah," Tara said.
"Wow," Willow said, "they're amazing." She knew somewhere in the back of her mind that Tara had mentioned she couldn't do the spell, but there was probably a good reason for that, and it was probably a reason Tara didn't want to talk about since she wouldn't let Willow make eye contact with her, so even though painting wasn't her favorite subject, it seemed like a safe subject. "How did you do these?"
"I c-copied them from a b-book," Tara said.
"You're really talented," Willow said trying to catch Tara's eye, but she wouldn't lift her head. It was really hard carrying on a conversation with someone who wouldn't look at you. "Who's this?" Willow asked the question purposefully so Tara would have to look up to see who she was talking about.
"My mother," Tara said, and then the tears started to flow again.
"Oh, God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry," Willow said rushing to Tara bringing her arms up and hovering them near Tara's shoulders, causing Tara to flinch again at the possible contact. Willow dropped her arms back down. She knew Tara had been crying before she got there, and now she was crying again and it was all her fault. She just wanted to take Tara into her arms and comfort her. "Please, Tara, don't cry, what can I do to help you stop? I can tell you a story, or sing or dance, or anything, just please don't cry," Willow said frowning.
"I'm s-sorry," Tara said trying to control the tears, but without any luck.
"No, no... don't be sorry... I just want to cheer you up somehow... uhm... oh, I know! 'Don't cry for me ArgenTara,'" Willow began to sing and dance. Tara lifted her head momentarily and looked at Willow with a perplexed expression, suddenly fighting the urge to burst out laughing. "Get it? 'tara'... 'tina'...? Do you really want me to sing and dance, I'm really bad, I know, but I'll do it for you," Willow said. "I'll do anything for you."
Tara looked up at Willow, her tear stained face wearing a quizzical expression. Had she imagined those words, or did Willow really say she would do anything for her? Maybe she was reading too much into it.
"I mean," Willow said realizing she had gone too far, and now trying to back track her way out of it, "I don't want you to be sad, so even if it meant embarrassing myself, I'll do it. I embarrass myself all the time, and usuallys it's when I'm doing something for a friend, because I would do anything for my friends," Willow said watching Tara's reacation intently trying to judge whether or not her cover up was working. Even watching her she wasn't sure if it was working or not. The more she spoke the sadder Tara's expression grew. It would have been a good time to stop babbling on, but as usual in these situations, she couldn't stop herself. "I wouldn't do anything illegal or immoral or course, because that would be wrong, but you don't seem like the kind of person that would want someone to, say, kill someone for them," Willow said pausing for some much needed air, "What I mean is you're a really good person."
"No, I'm n-not," Tara said cutting Willow off. "I'm n-nothing."
"Tara, hey... no... you're DEFINITELY something... you're SOMEBODY... very special... you're nothing short of AMAZING, so don't you dare say you're nothing," Willow said placing her hands on Tara's arms.
"You j-just met me, how c-can you s-say that?"
"Because you are... you're wonderful, and good, and... and... so beautiful," Willow said wiping away the last tears sliding down Tara's cheek, brushing Tara's blonde locks back behind her ear, and cupping Tara's face in her hands, "nothing this beautiful could be bad," and with that, Willow froze. The realization of what she was saying and doing dawning on her, 'Oh God, what did I say? What am I doing? Oh God! Oh God!' Willow pulled her hands away quickly. "I.. I have to go," she said rushing out the door.
After standing there for a minute in utter shock and confusion at what just happened, Tara finally sat down on the bed, her hand laying against her face where Willow's had just been, completely stunned, and staring at the now closed door. She thought things were going well, and them boom! Willow was gone. She must have done something wrong, she always did something wrong. Tara looked down, and a bright red object caught her eye, Willow's bag. Ten minutes ago that would have filled her with warmth. It meant that she got to see Willow again, but now it filled her with dread. If Willow left so quickly that she forgot her bag, she probably wouldn't want to see her again. And now because of the bag Tara would have to see Willow and face the reality that she just lost her friend. The only friend she ever had. Tara went to her desk and retrieved the letter. She clung to it like a life raft, curling up on her bed, and sobbing again. She would cry herself to sleep tonight, like many other nights she had been through before, but she had gotten through them, and she would get through this too.
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~Spencer~
"Too bulky, I prefer my women in spandex."
-Xander- season two, Halloween
Edited by: Mainer at: 11/18/02 7:35:57 am