Hello all!! First off, thanks for taking the time to pop in to read this.... it's very much appriciated.
This is something that's been rolling around in my head for the last week or so and i've just this second finished it. It's late her in the UK, so apologises if there's any mistakes i've missed or bits that don't make sense. Which there usually are with me. Lol.
It's been a while since i posted anything remortely fic-like, as some of you may already know, and i apologise for that. I am however, working on a fic at the moment. A longer one. But that's a secret for now.
Heehee 
Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to read this. I hope you all enjoy it. Feedback is much appriciated, good or bad!!
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Disclaimer One: I don’t own any of the characters mentioned in the following story. Said characters are the property of Joss Whedon, as much as I hate to admit it.
Disclaimer Two: The song used in the following story is not mine and belongs to a talented young lady by the name of Avril Lavigne. The song is call “Fall To Pieces”.
Timeline: Set in season 6. No specific timeline, but set somewhere before Entropy. A bit before, I’m thinking.
Rating: PG, I guess.
Note: Thanks to all the kittens who keep coming back to read my stories!!
“Tara?” In all fairness, she was the last person Willow expected to be standing on the doorstep when she opened the door. It knocked the wind right of her. She looked just as beautiful as ever, dressed in a long denim skirt and a white shirt, with her hair left loose, flowing down onto her shoulders. The sky outside was black and littered with stars. Fitting. A beautiful night for a beautiful lady.
“Hey.” Such a sweet, gentle voice. The most breathtaking smile appeared on the blonde’s lips and Willow’s heart ached. How could she have done what she did to her? She’d hurt the person she loved most in the worst way. How could either of them get past that? Past the hurt she’d caused. After what Tara had gone through with her family, after what Glory had done to her.... how could she ever expect Tara to even begin to think about forgiving her? In all honesty, she didn’t expect the blonde to forgive her. And yet, here she was, standing in the doorway of the ‘Summers’ Hotel’, standing in front of her. Smiling. “Sorry to come over all unannounced like this.” Willow shook her head.
“Oh, it’s fine. Really. Super fine. More than fine.” She groaned inwardly. Oh god, make me stop. Tara always loved her babble. Said it ‘balanced out her stuttering’.
“I just.... I-I wanted to see you.” There was a split second where Willow slipped up and allowed herself to feel a surge of hope, lighting up her eyes, but she quickly dimmed that flame.
***************
There it was. And it was gone again. The light that had, in the last few months, completely vanished from those deep green eyes she’d fallen in love with. It saddened Tara. While it was true that Willow had indeed caused her pain, it hurt her that the redhead was suffering so much. She wanted to take the redhead in her arms, hold her, kiss her, and tell her it was all going to be okay.
She glanced down at the tip of her boots that poked out from underneath her skirt and then looked back up at Willow, who was gazing at her with an unreadable expression on her face.
“Can I come in?”
Then I looked back at you>
“Sure.”
Things that you can’t undo>
She knew how sorry Willow was, she did, but it was difficult. She couldn’t just dismiss all the hurt she had gone through, all the nights she had spent awake crying, her heart aching, wondering how Willow – the person who had been there for her – had caused this pain and was no longer with her. At the same time though, she understood that the pain had been born out of an addiction. Willow had gone through a fair amount of suffering herself, some of it inevitably caused by Tara. She’d left after finding out about the spell that had taken part of her memory away, finding out she had been lied to. She’d left at the time, perhaps, when Willow would need her most. But Tara had done what she had to. After all, if she hadn’t left, Willow may never have realised just the extent of the trouble she was in, that the magick was an addiction now, and that she was hurting people with them. Even if she didn’t mean to.
Her leaving had caused pain. And, very likely, bitterness. Willow hadn’t understood why she had left at first and convinced herself that she didn’t need Tara, that Tara was the selfish one for leaving. She had tried to convince herself anyway. It hadn’t worked. Buffy had understood, but no doubt felt a slight twinge of bitterness when she saw the pain Willow was going though, the same for Xander. And then there was Dawn. The youngest Summers’ had cried herself to sleep for countless night after Tara had left. The blonde had been like a surrogate mother to Dawn after Joyce had died, and when Buffy wasn’t around, Tara had been. She and Willow had taken her out to see movies and the like, to the park, the Magic Box, and then, suddenly, all of that was gone. That’s when the bitterness had set in. It hadn’t lasted long though, how could it?
***************
Willow stood aside to let Tara in, silent, disbelieving. She hadn’t quite wrapped her head around the fact that the blonde was standing in front of her, let alone asking if she could come in.
Okay, you just need to calm down. Willow resolved. What’s the worst that could happen here? She paused. She could give me what I deserve and kill me. Put me out of my misery. Shaking her head slightly, she closed the door and turned back to Tara. Her hair curtained her face and her eyes were looking at the floor. At that moment, Willow thought Tara looked just like she had the very first time she had met her. But then her thoughts turned to events that followed that first meeting, that first connection, the magicks that had brought them together, growing closer, the first time they ever held hands, their first kiss, Oz coming back and making her realise just how strong her feelings for Tara were, the first time they made love.
Willow: Tara, I have to tell you....
Tara: No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love.
Willow: I am.
Tara: You mean....
Willow: I mean. Okay?
Tara: Oh, yes.
Willow: I feel horrible about everything I put you through. A-and I’m gonna make it up to you. Starting right now.
Tara: Right now?
The gang finding out about them and accepting Tara into the fold, then her family coming to take the blonde away, Tara’s secret being revealed and her fears being banished, the party at The Bronze.
Willow: I think about.... what you grew up with, and.... then I look at what you are.... it makes me proud. It makes me love you more.
Tara: Every time I.... even when I’m at my worst.... you always make me feel special. How do you do that?
Willow: Magic.
And so many good memories after that. But ironically, the thing that brought them together in the first place and gave them so much happiness, was the thing that tore them apart and caused them so much sadness and hurt. Those happy thoughts turned into bad ones.
Tara: Willow, you are using too much magic. What do you want me to do, just sit back and keep my mouth shut?
Willow: Well, that’d be a good start.
It took Tara leaving for her to realise how out of control she had gotten and even though a few months ago she wanted to hate Tara for it, she understood why she had to go. She had left for Willow, to make her realise, not to hurt her. And now, she was back. But for how long? Why had Tara come here? While it was true they had seen a little more of each other these last few weeks than they had the weeks before, but it still baffled Willow to find the blonde now standing merely a few feet away from her. She wanted to know why.
***************
Was coming here really a good idea? Tara asked herself, as she stared at her feet. Maybe you aren’t ready for this.... maybe it’s too soon. But.... she seems so much better. It’s been nearly 3 months with no magic. Maybe....
“Do you want something to drink?” Willow’s voice broke through her thoughts and she lifted her head, smiling and nodding. “Water?” Another nod and Willow disappeared from the hallway. After a moment, Tara moved through the hall and into the living room. I’ve missed this house. She walked around the room, stopping at the pictures that were set out on top of the fireplace. She smiled as she looked over them all. The first one was of Dawn, Buffy and Joyce at Buffy’s birthday last year. The next, just Buffy and Dawn. The older Summers’ was giving Dawn a piggy back, both of them laughing and smiling at the camera. Then there was one of the whole gang at The Bronze on Tara’s birthday. Xander and Anya hugging at the back, Buffy and Dawn laughing at something Riley had said, who was standing next to them and then Willow and Tara standing at the front with their arms wrapping around each other. Giles must have been taking the picture. She lingered on the last picture, picking it up briefly. This one was just of her and Willow. They looked so happy, sat on the beach, grinning like fools. Tara let out an involuntary sigh.
“You okay?” Startled, the blonde almost dropped the picture, just catching it in time. Her heart was pounding in her chest when she looked back and forth between the picture and Willow, cringing at the fact that she felt as though she was intruding. This used to be her house. She used to be free to touch anything she wanted in the house. Including the green-eyed goddess standing not a million miles away.
I’d never get over you>
“Sorry.” Willow apologised, walking towards Tara. She glanced down at the picture and the blonde blushed.
“N-no, I should say sorry. I d-didn’t mean to pry.” The redhead seemed pained by those words.
“Tara.... you’re not prying. This is.... was you’re house too.” She cursed herself for the slip up, hoping Tara might have missed it. She hadn’t. And she wanted to tell Willow everything then and there. That she wished it was still her house too, that part of her did regret walking away that night, that since she had left she’d missed the redhead every single second of the day, that she wanted to take Willow in her arms and kiss her. All she could do was smile and put the picture back in its place.
***************
I hate this. I hate that she feels like this isn’t her home anymore. I hate that I made her feel like this. This will always be here home. I’d give anything to make this better....
“I didn’t mean to make you jump.” She handed the blonde the bottle of water she’d gotten from the fridge, and their fingers brushed together as Tara went to take it. Both feeling that familiar jolt of electricity, their eyes met and they fell silent.
I pray that we make it through>
“I-It’s okay.” Tara said, letting the touch linger longer that it should have. Willow however, dropped both her head and her hand and moved over to the couch. She sat down, hoping the blonde would follow her. She did. Willow couldn’t take it any longer, she had to ask.
“Tara.... don’t take this the wrong way, but.... how come you’re here?” She saw Tara’s face drop and instantly felt even more guilty. “I mean, I just didn’t expect you to show up here.”
“Neither did I actually.” Off Willow’s confused look, she explained. “I was walking back from the library, all set on heading back to the dorm and somehow I ended up here.”
“Oh.” Did she mean that she’d ended up walking there just out of habit? Or that part of her had really wanted to see Willow? She hoped it was the latter of the two. “But I didn’t mean that like it came out. I’m glad you’re here.”
“You are?” Tara asked unsure, and Willow smiled.
“Of course I am....”
Make it through it all>
Goddess, she’d missed Tara. Missed her smile, her laugh, missed the way she held her at night and missed the way she kissed her. She missed those simple, yet reassuring touches, the ones that would set her skin ablaze, and she missed those long nights filled with passion and longing, and love. And she’d lost it all.
I just want to sit and stare at you>
She missed being able to watch the blonde as she slept. She always looked so peaceful, she beautiful, but then again, Tara always looked beautiful.
I’ve missed you.
“How’s everyone been?” She hadn’t spoken to any of the Scoobs in the last few days. Willow smiled a little.
“They’re fine. Xander’s doing okay, better. Buff’s been acting a little weird lately though.... I think she’s got something on her mind. Dawnie’s still a bit wiggy with me.... which is totally understandable. I mean, after what.... I did....”
I just want to cry in front of you
I don’t wanna talk about it>
Willow felt a hand on her knee and glanced down to find Tara’s hand resting there.
“Just give her time, Will.” She met the blonde’s eyes again. “It all takes time.”
***************
She’d given into what she’d needed to do since she’d first arrived – touch Willow. Just a little touch, that’s all Tara had wanted. She’d been foolish to think that she would be fine leaving it at that. One touch and she was always left wanted more. She left her hand in its resting place, even when Willow looked away from her again.
I’d be with ‘til the end>
She had imagined spending the rest of her life with Willow. There wasn’t a thought in the world that made her happier, and she’d never guessed anything would tear them apart. How strange it was that the thing that had brought them together in the first place, had been the one thing that could separate them. She didn’t know how she had coped these last few months being away from Willow. The redhead had once said that Tara was her everything.... well, Willow was her everything. She couldn’t survive without her. Why else would she have gone out of her way to find out how the redhead was doing? To just have an excuse to talk about her.
You bring me back again>
Deep down, if she was honest, one of the reasons she hoped Willow came to her sense and started to get better, was so that, maybe, they’d still have a chance. They could try again. Was that selfish of her? Surely they couldn’t just forget about everything they’d been through. True, they’d had bad times, a few, but they had had so many happier ones.
Back into your arms>
She longed for Willow to hold her again. She’d almost forgotten how that felt. Almost. She missed the nights they would stargaze on the roof, with Tara teaching Willow her version of the constellations, and Willow trying to get Tara to remember the ‘real’ names.
Willow: There’s....Canis Minor.... and Cassiopeia.
Tara: And the big pineapple.
Willow: Hmm. You know, I’m not sure I remember that one.
Tara: Oh, it’s a major one. See those three bright stars over there?
Willow: Yeah.
Tara: And see those stars along there? That’s the bottom of the pineapple.
Willow: It’s big.
Tara: Hence the name. The real ones never made sense to me, I.... sort of have my own.
Willow: Teach me.
Was it so wrong of her to want all of that back? She didn’t know how she was going to get through another day not being with the woman who had stolen her heart.
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don’t wanna talk about it>
***************
Despite her efforts, Willow couldn’t control the sob that escaped.
“I wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to me again. She has every right not to after what I did to her. She could hate me and I wouldn’t object. How could I?” Tears began to pool in the redhead’s eyes and she knew she wasn’t going to be able to control herself any longer. Everything had been building up, all the guilt, all the sadness, self loathing. “How could I object when I hate myself for what I’ve put her through?” She wasn’t talking about Dawn anymore.
I just want to cry in front of you>
“After everything that’s happened.... I can somehow sink so low.... and do things like that....” Tears spilled onto her cheeks and her body shook more frequently with the sobs. “She must hate me....”
Cuz I’m in love with you>
Slowly, Willow felt herself being pulled further onto the sofa and into gentle arms that held her close.
“How can she not? I wouldn’t blame her.... how could I?” Willow repeated herself, completely overtaken by tears and strangled sobs. Her body trembled, making the arms around her tighten their hold. “She must hate me....” The tears fell harder with her next words. “I know she does.... but I can’t stand the thought of it....”
“She doesn’t hate you.”
***************
Tara knew that Willow wasn’t talking about Dawn anymore. She was talking about her. It destroyed her to see the woman she loved like this. It was heartbreaking. And Tara wanted to try and make it better. Her earlier ‘Am I ready for this?’ question had vanished.
“Are you listening to me?” She made sure she said it gently, yet with a certain amount of sternness so Willow would know she was serious about what she was going to say. Reaching out, her fingers lifted Willow’s chin, so that she was looking directly into the other woman’s eyes. “She doesn’t hate you, Willow.” Her thumb absently brushed back and forth along the redhead’s jaw line, and along the section of skin just across from the lips she’d ached to kiss. “She loves you.” Tara couldn’t help but smile as she said it. “She always has.... always will....”
***************
Willow gazed at Tara, a mix between confused and curious. What was she hearing? Was Tara saying what she thought she was saying? Did Tara know that Willow was talking about her and not Dawn? Her brow furrowed and green, teary eyes stared into deep blue.
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means>
***************
Silence. That’s all Tara had as she looked back at Willow. No time for hope, no time for fear, she simply waited with the silence.
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything
Everything>
Seeing that Willow needed a little more reassurance about what she was saying, Tara leaned in a bit closer, ever so slowly, letting her hair fall from behind her ear, curtaining her face once more, her eyes never leaving Willow’s.
“Always.”
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it>
***************
Willow’s bottom lip began trembling and the tears started once more. She dropped her head, forcing Tara’s hand away, and rested her head in her own hands. The blonde could do nothing but sit there in shock. Willow imagined that Tara was probably as confused as she had been seconds ago. But that last word had cleared it all up for Willow. Tara knew who she was talking about when she said those things, and she knew when the blonde had given her reply. It was more than enough to make Willow break down again.
< And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it>
It had been too long without Tara at her side. Too many long and lonely nights, too many times Willow had rolled over expecting to find a warm body snuggled up to her, only to find the bed empty apart from her. She’d spent too much time longing to touch Tara again. To kiss her.
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I’m in love with you>
Willow’s hands moved from her face and through her hair, brushing it back. Then she moved so that she was looking at Tara, making sure she spent a moment looking at the blonde, wanting to remember this moment forever and wanting to make sure this was what Tara wanted. And the answer was in her eyes. In one swift movement, Willow leaned in and ducked her head, capturing Tara’s lips in a painfully passion and love-filled kiss. She was aware that she was still crying, but she didn’t care anymore. Moving a hand to the base of Tara’s neck, she pulled the blonde closer and deepened the kiss, eliciting a mixture of sighs and whimpers from the both of them.
Cuz I’m in love with you>
***************
Although her eyes were closed, Tara knew that the wet streaks across her cheeks weren’t just from Willow’s tears. But, for the first time in a while, her tears weren’t from sadness, but from happiness.
She could feel Willow’s fingers threading through her hair and her hand moved up from the redhead’s knee to her hip, resting there. Neither of them knew how long the kiss lasted, could have been days, neither of them cared. But eventually, they pulled back, albeit slightly, leaving butterfly kisses on each others’ lips, before breaking it completely and resting their foreheads together. Their hearts pounded in their chests, both of them elated beyond belief, breathing heavily, desperate to keep the other close, as if fearing they’d disappear if they let go.
Silence crept up on them once again, but neither was bothered by it this time. All they could hear was the sound of the other breathing and that was all they needed. It was the affirmation that this was really happening. That it was real, not a dream. And when they opened their eyes and looked deep into each other’s, they both smiled and Tara leaned in to kiss Willow again.
She was home.
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Thanks for reading
~ Jen
Helen - Oh please Nikki, be serious!
Nikki - I want to make love you to all night long... is that serious enough?
** Helen and Nikki in "Bad Girls" **
at: 8/29/04 2:06 pm
And Avril..mmm yay!!
. Love sam xx 
) so i'm glad you thought that.