"The Garland Days" (Completed 09/05)

[Pixie gishmock]

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Life is full of changes...The better you are at letting go of things, the freer your hands will be to catch something new. ~from Off The Map by Joan Ackerman
"It's good to be a chicken casserole," Tara murmured before passing out. ~from "Answering Darkness" by Sassette

Edited by: Pixie gishmock at: 7/7/03 1:53 pm

[mariacomet]

Everyone:



I just wanted to say a few things before my next post. (which will be tomorrow.) The next post will be a difficult read. I will say that the incident that happens does not lead to or come close to rape. I didn't want to go there. But what does happen is a humilation and at the very least an emotional assault.



I wanted to make sure I warned you all that this was coming, and I will be putting a warning up at the top of the next bit.



I will also say that what I wrote - I feel - is fairly tame when you compare it to events that really happened. I don't know that readers will find it disturbing. But it is quite uncomfortable.





Puff - Hello again Puffster. I would be lieing if I said that the tension you feel isn't warranted. I'm trying to walk a line here but it's one where I want to reflect certain realities. I'd like to say the good guys win, but sometimes things aren't that simple. Love does win...I can say that.



shuyaku -

Quote:

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RL may have delayed the story slightly, but at least the RL stuff appears to be all positive

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Love...is time consuming. Just something I've learned.



Thanks for mentioning the kiss and the fact that you enjoyed it. Using the setup of the song for that moment was a lot of fun.



Yes, Poor Willow is a goner lovewise. She just doesn't entirely know it yet. I think the follow anywhere/everywhere is an equal sentiment with both our girls even at this early stage. I believe there was just that instinctive trust on both sides from very early on. That connection.



Xander will indeed be close by. But he can't stop everything and anything. I think he does his best though.



AntigoneUnbound It's possible that some of my own admiration for the women and men of yesterday is very delieberately bleeding into what I write. It's hard to say thank you without sometimes sounding corny. The fact is, that there are peple in the world - both today and yesterday - that are braver than I am. I have seen young kittens on the board that go through a lot in their daily lives, and they refuse to back down. Fifteen year olds that wear Gay and Proud t-shirts in school. Or go to proms with their girlfriends. Or women much older who have everything to lose but come out of the closet anyway.



And now is the time that I usually hop back off the soapbox.



Ahem...

Quote:

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Oh--the kiss...Gulp, and gulp again. Very...evocative, MC.

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I hope you feel that way about the NC17 bits as well. I can't tell you why but writing those bits makes me very nervous. I have the hardest time...with tone and getting the girls going. Maybe it's my conservative upbringing...



It sounds like you've had some major events taking place on pretty much every front. Life is very well, thanks for asking. But YEAH, lots of changes. Wonderful, scarey...changes. I've never been great at changes. But I can confess with all honesty that there are some people that inspire change to be pretty darn rewarding.



All sappiness aside.... I'm glad you're involved in the story and it means a lot to me that you are caring about what's going on and what will happen next.



The Rose24 Sorry about the cliffhanger, but the good news is that you don't have long to wait.



Really!



xita

Quote:

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Now, we have the suspense of how the cops will react to this display of love.

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I think their inital reaction is confusion. Singing lesbians can be initimidating.

Quote:

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That kiss was well worth the wait.

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I'm VERY glad to hear you say that. I consider you a very good judge on that subject. If you okay the smut too, I will feel almost entirely vindicated.



the vamp nurd Sorry bout the blowing of the mind thing. Hope it was in a good way.



Katharyn - I don't recall telling you off, exactly. Just giving you a hard time. And I never denied being evil. Though I will say I learned from the best. And guess who THAT is?



I like modern times, but I do find it fun to play with the girls in other times as well. And hey...it seems I'm not the ONLY one who likes alternate universes.



And you get to see the smut first...so I am LESS evil to you then to others. I think.



nika It's wonderful to hear that you feel that you are right there with the girls, going through things with them. Involving the reader is sooo important to me. I am really really glad that the kiss was powerful for you. Writing first kisses are something I take pretty seriously.

[mariacomet]

Please read content warning.



The Garland Days





Title: The Garland Days

Part: 5/8

Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com

Feedback: Feedback is fuel for the imagination.

Distribution: Just let me know.

Spoilers: Everything before and including season five.



Rating: NC-17. There will be…Adult situations. I deal with some very dark themes as well as some very light themes.



Disclaimer: All characters contained herein were created and are owned by Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Legally, yes he owns them all. But I have the right to hold the opinion that he doesn’t deserve them anymore. I am only doing this because well...it's fun to play with Willow and Tara. Not making any money.



Special content warning - This part deals with subjects and situations that readers may find disturbing. I believe it's necessary to include this, because it feels honest to me. But I did want to warn that it would not be easy reading.



The period is which this is written is one where homosexuals were harassed and often abused. I didn't want to ignore that when capturing this time period, as I feel it would take away from those that had the strength to stand up, and face society - despite everything.



I chose, what I consider to be, a situation that was serious enough to convey humilation, but one that does not cross the line into physical abuse or rape. The latter did happen in reality...but it's not somewhere I want to delve with this story.



My deepest appreciation for your faith in my writing and that you are choosing take this journey with me and come through the other side.



On a much less serious note...Amber's new movie is going to be available to her fans. So let me just say....Chance, Chance, Chance, Chance, Chance, Chance









Outside in the car, Xander listened as one policeman got

back to his vehicle and began to relay what was going on over the radio.



“Lieutenant, they’re…they’re singing…!” The officer said.



“What?!” Crackled the radio.



“I said they’re singing.” The cop grumbled. “Frankie Valli.”



Xander began to chuckle. Willow loved that one song and he knew it. He couldn’t remember the name of it though.



“You want me to continue here, sir?”



“They’re running an illegal establishment!” The Lieutenant all but shouted. “They’re laughing at us! What do you think I want you to do?! Take one wagon to the precinct. Only half-fill the other wagon…and take that one down to the beach. You know what to do from there.”



“Yes sir.”



Xander shut his eyes and felt a shiver run through him. For just a moment, he hated what he was, and what he represented. But then he took in a deep breath and forced that away. He refused to believe that he was one of the bad guys. Cops could be used as a political tool, sure…they could abuse their power…but they were there to help. In general, they were heroes, not villains.



He’d been accused before of being naïve. By other cops, even by Willow. But he didn’t think he was.



An idea came to him.



There were guys he knew. Other guys on the force whom he’d always trusted. He was about to find out just how naïve he was.





**************************



The women who had been loaded into the second paddy wagon numbered about ten.

When they’d gotten to the beach, they’d been forced to undress down to their underwear. The cops were walking around them, jeering. They’d had to tolerate ‘searches’ since they’d stripped down…’searches’ that were more excuses to grope than anything else. Now, occasionally, they were poked with batons while the police laughed and continued their verbal barrage.



Tara looked at the men in uniform and struggled not to hate them. Hadn’t she been taught all her life that these were the people she should turn to if she was ever in trouble? If her loved ones were ever in trouble? And if she couldn’t turn to them…what did that mean?



She knew why she and Willow had been taken. They’d refused to let one another go. And that, more than anything else, had made them a target.



Two police cars had come with the paddy wagon. Now one more pulled up, and a tall, thin man got out of the car, stalking over the sand towards the women.



“All of you need to learn a few things.” He said without preamble. “You need to learn what’s natural. The way of things. What all of you need…” And here he smiled. “Is a good man. Or a good fuck from a good man.” Some of the other officers laughed. Some, but not all. “Now, you can go and find those things on your own. Or we can help you. It’s up to you.” He looked around him. “I want all you bitches to say…’I like dick.’ Come on now.”



Some muttered it. Some were quiet. The humiliation thus far had been enough. Most of them just wanted to go home.



“Come on.” He said again. “Louder! I…like…dick…” More said it, but it didn’t seem enough for him. He had the other officers line up the women. He marched up and down the line, demanding the women say it…again and again. Some were crying at this point. In frustration or fear….or shame.



Willow stood near Tara and occasionally they’d look at one another. They had both started saying what the Lieutenant demanded. They didn’t want to instigate matters and more than anything else right now…they were tired – emotionally and physically.



Again the policemen were poking the women with batons, this time if the woman in question wasn’t saying what they wanted loud enough. Tara was poked repeatedly. And they made fun of her stutter.



It was then that Willow reached her limit. She wasn’t sure, looking back, why she hadn’t acted sooner. Sometimes she forgot about her own power. And also…it was possible that some of Giles’ lessons about not abusing power had stuck. It wasn’t her first instinct. Not her first one...



But if this guy wanted to see a bitch…





*************************************





The weavings of power were often subtle, hidden in ordinary things or enhancing ordinary things. At least, according to Giles, that was the way it should be. There was a danger in altering too much of what was the ‘natural’ world. Because magic was not a servant - it was an old, powerful, majestic creature. It could run in the blood, or it could surround an area. When you invited it in, whether it was into an item or a place, you could wind up with a number of its guises – evil or good. It wasn’t that you had no control. Certainly you did. If your soul was peaceful, and you had good intentions, it was virtually impossible to call forth something that was evil. Virtually. That did not mean, however, that you would get entirely what you asked for. And the more powerful the spell, the more that could potentially go wrong. There was also the minor chance that what you called forth could either turn on you, or possess you.



There was another thing - the universe, somewhat randomly, tended to enforce a karmic law. And usually if it decided this was an instance when it was going to enforce that law, it reacted in a way that was three times worse than any harm you had inflicted on another.



None of this reasoning, carefully drilled into the witch by Buffy’s former watcher, filtered through the anger she felt now.



The policemen had begun to change…slowly. First shriveling – their arms and their legs - then stretching, their bellies and faces. Their human voices crying out in horror and fear shaping into shriller, sharper sounds. Sounds that were not human, but nonetheless terrible and filled with pain.



Willow Rosenberg was giving them all a taste of their own medicine, in the slowest, most deliberate way possible.



She was causing pain.



She shouldn’t be able to do this. Willow knew the transmutation spell - from rat to human - because of Amy. But she shouldn’t be able to cast the spell in reverse without components. She shouldn’t be able to draw on a well of pure power and ignore all the magical laws she knew. It may be, Willow considered, that natural magic required nature – blood, feathers, herbs - but that this…this was unnatural. So what it required was energy and will.



Giles had never told her about this kind of magic. Not really. And he’d never - in any of their lessons - told her that wielding power could be so…exhilarating.



It was a moment that changed everything.



But not because this was the first time Willow had wielded such great amounts of dark magicks, though this was certainly true. But because in the midst of all the rage, Tara Maclay laid a hand on Willow’s shoulder.



Into the redhead another kind of magic was cast. Tara gave Willow some of her vision. Not because Willow’s heart wasn’t strong enough to see on its own. But because it was so easy to become blind. To forget who you were, in a world where what you loved could be threatened so deeply, and so easily. And so Tara allowed just a moment of respite from the anger. She moved closer to the reporter, laying both hands on her shoulders and whispering an incantation to help her see without the anger.



And she saw, in the eyes of the creatures before her – still at least half human – all the pain she was inflicting. She thought of Buffy and Xander. And Giles.



She knew too, what this was. What this taste could allow her to become, should she simply embrace the power that she so clearly was being shown she possessed. It was the strongest, darkest spell she had ever cast. And it was an open doorway. Power so deliciously raw and vibrant that using it practically made her tremble in excitement. She felt as if something within her had been unleashed. And all she had to do was not rein it in. To let it guide her.



The world that didn’t care about her best friend dying to save it would pay.



The world that would humiliate someone as beautiful as Tara Maclay could be brought to its knees.



She had thought, for a long time, that she didn’t have this in her. This capacity to hurt, this ability to hate. She’d been lying to herself. It was there – so dark and inviting inside her.



But so was…so was her abundance of heart. Love and forgiveness – blind and undiluted – still beat within her. Just as strongly. And they were their own kind of power. They were as strong as the darkness. But they required the courage to give second chances, to show compassion, and kindness – even to those…especially to those who didn’t deserve it.



Willow leaned back into Tara, shaking, and allowed her heart to have its way.



She felt gentle, tender kisses at her brow…and arms, slim and soft, that were gathering her close.



“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Willow whispered brokenly.



“I know.” Tara murmured into her ear, and hugged her tighter.



The courage to give second chances…compassion and kindness…even to those who didn’t deserve it.



It occurred to Willow then…that Tara Maclay was the best part of her heart come to life.



The blonde’s touch drifted lightly down Willow’s arm. Soon Tara was grasping her hand, and lifting it so that – together – they raised their arms and pointed to the policemen. Their powers - Tara’s the very embodiment of deliberate patience, and Willow’s, creative and hopeful and enthusiastic - merged. This again, was something new. Energy flowed from them, and mingled, and was replaced by something else. Something more powerful than what had been cast from them. Usually prolonged magic made Willow feel exhausted, but now she felt that she was being held just above the rushing waters of fear, on the edge of joy – in a place where there was no such thing as the impossible.



It became a question not of forcing her will, but of accepting that she could ask certain things of the world around her. She allowed her eyes to close. She was surrounded by Tara’s strength, cocooned in it. It allowed her own strength to surge without restraint, without doubt. The sources of who they were essentially, and therefore what drove their separate magicks, combined, and merged. They felt as if they were tumbling down together, slowly, from a great height. Their bodies intertwined in an almost weightless feather-fall. At the same time, they both felt held. Caught. Sheltered. As if they would never fall again, and if they did – it would be together, and that made it alright.



The policemen changed back into what they were. But that resolved nothing. Willow had started this to stop them…and it was just to do so. It was a product of good to want to help the women who had been brought here, and to want to help the woman she was leaning against. So now, she took the lead, and she felt the shift of it. The magic they directed was still benevolent.



One by one, they fell into a sleep. All of them. Finally Willow and Tara lowered their arms.



With fear in her eyes, Willow turned to the other woman. She feared being judged, being condemned. Despite the light kisses earlier…Tara had seen…something she barely admitted to herself. The darkness inside her was there. Even if she didn’t want it to be. And sometimes, it was her instinct to turn to that side of her first. Just sometimes.



“I don’t want you to be afraid of me.” She told the woman who faced her.



“I am.” Tara said but then smiled. “You hold m-my heart…here.” She said, and she caressed Willow’s palm. “I’ve never given anyone my heart b-before.”



“I’ll take care of it.” Willow whispered.





******************************





Sirens blazed, and four police cars pulled up onto the beach just then. She recognized the occupant of one car – Xander. Xander, who had apparently brought reinforcements.



One of them, an older police officer, looked at the scene in awe. Cops and half-dressed women spawled on the sand. At first there was some concern but soon a loud snoring could be heard from the Lieutenant. Just to make sure, several of the officers checked the others. All asleep.



“Miss?” The older police officer called out. “Someone want to explain to me what happened here?” The two witches turned to him, holding hands. That, at least, didn’t seem to faze him. He was the type of guy, Tara thought, who had seen a lot in his time on the force.



Xander approached with a couple of blankets. He offered one to Willow then to Tara. “You two okay?” He asked in concern. The sight of them only partially dressed had stirred a protective, fierce anger in him.



“Harris.” the Captain addressed him. “All these women were arrested back at that…bar?”



“Yes sir,” was the answer.



“And they were brought here?” The Captain looked at his fellow officer sharply. “That’s what you’re sayin’?”



“That’s the t-truth,” Tara said firmly, despite her stutter, not allowing any doubt to linger about what had happened.



The Captain looked away. “This puts all of us in quite a spot,” he said slowly. “I think it’s all for the best if I pretend you didn’t say that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have questions.”



Xander turned to his commanding officer. “Captain…it’s been a long night. Unless we’re going to write up a full report on this, maybe we should just get everybody home.”



The Captain frowned and his eyes took in the scene again. “Boys, get the women covered up. Put ‘em in the wagon. We’ll drop them by the hospital. As for our brothers…get them undressed. All the way. Take their weapons. I reckon that will be one hell of a way to wake up. Let them explain that one to the Chief.”



Several of the officers laughed, and moved to do what they’d been told.



“Harris,” the Captain called. The young man paused just as he was about to lead Willow and Tara away. “You’d better clear out. If anyone asks, you were never here. You don’t need the Lieutenant as an enemy. Especially not over this. I don’t like what these boys did. But…” His face twisted with distaste. “Don’t mean I think…what these women do is natural. I’ll do what I can to make sure things don’t go too far – but we’ll probably be shutting that place down again in a couple weeks. If I was your friends, I’d stay clear.” He tipped his cap to Willow and Tara then. “In the meantime, we’ll deal with our own.”



Xander sighed. Tara could tell he was frustrated by that answer. As was she. Maybe on another night she would have insisted on pressing charges. Maybe someone stronger would have. But all she felt was tired. And these officers – the ones who had abused their power - they were having a measure of justice extracted against them. That was something, wasn’t it?



“We’ll s-see you in a couple weeks th-then.” Tara said finally. Then with resolve, her chin lifting. “We’re n-not going anywhere, Captain.”



That answer made him sigh and then stalk off.



Xander and Willow, on the other hand, grinned at her.





*****************************





There was an odd tension about the car ride. A silence where none of the occupants of the car knew exactly what to say, exactly how to feel. Xander kept changing the radio station. Fidgeting. Never leaving it anywhere longer than a minute. Switching it off in disgust. Turning it on again a few moments later.



We won, didn’t we? Willow thought.



So then…why no sense of triumph? No feeling of relief or…victory?



There was just…weariness.



In some ways, fighting monsters on the Hellmouth had been easier. She had known who the bad guys and the monsters were. Why had it taken human beings to let loose the monster in herself?



And Tara had seen.



She felt like curling into a small ball and lying in bed for hours, just like that. They had made her strip down to her underwear on the beach. She had been cold. Cold and vulnerable. She was colder now. And she felt as if her heart and soul were on her sleeve. There was no energy left to hide or protect…or even to try and pretend that something inside her hadn’t come close to cracking tonight. No brave Willow face. Nothing but a dull pain that filled her, and that she couldn’t keep from her eyes. Nothing but feeling tired.



And…one last thing. Because Tara was holding her hand. Still. There was a glimmer of hope. An idea somewhere in her heart that she would get through tonight and that tomorrow might be better.



They were on separate sides of the car – she and the woman she had met earlier. Both of them looking out separate car windows and lost in their own thoughts. But their hands never left one another.



“The plan was…if anything happened…started to happen…” Xander had said all this before. At the beginning of the car ride, and then again a little later. “Willow would get out of there. And I thought I would arrest a few people…or at least pretend to. I figured on one car. I figured a couple of arrests would probably make them back off. Especially if I was on the scene first. And if they did get…bad…I thought maybe it would just be words. I figured I could stop them if it…”



“It’s alright Xander.” Willow murmured to him quietly. She even managed the emotional reserves to reach up her free hand and touch his shoulder. He sounded so…panicked. And like he was filled with self-loathing.



“Protect Willow…make sure things didn’t get out of hand while I was standing there. That was the plan.” It was like he hadn’t heard her. He shook his head. “Maybe I should have…” He pounded the steering wheel lightly. “I should have done something.”



“Xander?” Tara said his name quietly but firmly. His eyes flicked to the rearview mirror and her gaze held his. “You d-did do something.” She managed a smile at him, and somehow this made them all feel a bit more easy. His own lips lifted in a grateful expression.



“Are we actually going anywhere?” Willow asked suddenly. They had been driving for a while.



“Didn’t I tell you? I thought I told you. I meant to tell you. We’re going to see the Old Man. My fellow officers probably won’t be making any kind of report out on this one. But just in case, you two should go somewhere and lay low for a few days.”



“Bunch of dorky cops naked on the beach…if they do it will be a ‘short’ report,” Willow said. It was an awkward attempt at humor, a clawing back toward normality. Xander raised a brow. “Get it? Short? Because ya know…of the…um…shortness. Not that I was looking. Because…I’m not into short…I mean…if I was, it certainly doesn’t appeal to me now. Not that I meant small people...because I’m not exactly King Kong or anything. I mean, no batting airplanes out of the sky for me…I meant…short..things and…”



Xander’s smile came again. Like Willow’s, it was a little forced. But…not false. He shot Tara an amused glance in the mirror. “Sometimes,” he revealed to the blonde. “Willow confuses herself. She’s kind of a force of nature.”



The force of nature in question slapped at his shoulder lightly. “No fair giving away my secrets like that.”



“One of these days,” Xander said, “Remind me to mention how many times she’s seen Barberella.”



“Lies.” Willow said quickly, looking horrified – but oddly flushing. “All…lies. Can’t trust the fuzz. Down with the man. And um…go flower power?”



The silence settled around them again soon after that. It was still tense, but each of them found it a little easier to carry. The beach seemed farther away, and Willow felt stronger. She was surrounded by people who…cared about her. And they were going to a safe place. Maybe she could start to process it all there.



Meeting Tara.



Kissing Tara.



And the beach.



And…the beach.



Her burgeoning sense of ease faded. She shut her eyes and laid her brow against the cool glass of the window.



She wondered if she could find time tonight to get away and cry. Just cry and cry, letting it all pour from her. But nothing was ever that easy was it? She just wanted to feel a sense of a started healing.



She had enough experience with pain to know that such a simplicity – that one good cry could begin to bind a tattered night – wasn’t true.



And whether the officers and their conduct or her own rage had disturbed her more she couldn’t say.



Tara was still holding her hand.



Xander began, once again, to play with the radio.



*********************

Edited by: mariacomet at: 8/5/03 6:59 pm

[The Rose24]

Arrrggghhh!!!! Those filthy cops.



Once again, Willow and Tara prove they are more powerful together than separate. They complete each other.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

Edited by: The Rose24  at: 7/8/03 8:43 pm

[bluewillowwitch]

,

Love this fic. I can't wait to see what happens to and next. Update soon?







bluewillowwitch

---------------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[Puff]

Hum cops, to protect and to serve eh? At least some of them were not so bad, even though they freely admitted it would probably happen again.



I loved this line...

Quote:

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“We’ll s-see you in a couple weeks th-then.” Tara said finally. Then with resolve, her chin lifting. “We’re n-not going anywhere, Captain.”

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That takes almost as much (if not more) strength than filling the report. I have to say I really admore Tara MC you'll get that.



Great update. I loved how Willow and Tara worked together to stop them and how Tara was able to center Willow's thoughts. Looking forward to the next part.

---

So, the day started and I knew my name and had my pants on. So far, so good. Yay.
Amber Benson

[AntigoneUnbound]

Oh, MC... Kudos to you, my friend, for crafting such a powerful scene and refusing to lapse into melodrama or exploitativeness. You depict the balancing nature of Willow and Tara so convincingly, in a way that holds no sense of being forced or contrived.



The emotions you convey are just gut-wrenching--which is, of course, testimony to your skill. That defiance in spite of threat; the moments upon moments upon moments when we have to make one decision after another as to when it's best, most prudent to capitulate in order to avoid a far worse fate; and that twisting tendril of shame that threatens to eclipse pride in your own truth...You capture them all so remarkably, MC--this was a truly impressive chapter. You also leaven it with humor (and show remarkable timing in so doing) at certain points; e.g., Xander's wry recognition of Willow's favorite song and Willow's babble in the car about the "shortness" of the cops in question. Speaking of which--excellent job as well with her babble style. I've read examples where people seem to just string words together. I think her speech, though, while often astoundingly non-linear, is never inane or nonsensical.



Finally, I love your unspoken, understated parallel in the use/misuse of power: the cops are obviously abusing their power, but so, too, does Willow. The fact that she can do a thing makes it incredibly tempting for her to choose to do it. She realizes, though, that it's that element of choice that drives the most treacherous of moral decisions. It's one thing to "do right" because doing otherwise really isn't an option; but when we could tilt the scales in our favor through use of unfair advantage and we choose not to--that seems a far greater morality. (And it would appear that I have just climbed aboard my soap box...I'll slide down now. Thank you.)



And thanks again, MC, for this incredible story. I'm really caught up in it.



Mary

[Grimlock72]

I'm not sure on what basis the Captain intends to shut down that bar but other then that he is trying to do his job. Even when that means protecting women whom he thinks do something they shouldn't do. At least he seems more capable of keeping private/proffesional stuff seperate, which is good.



The entire beach thing struck me more as a kind of student prank, it virtually reeked of insecurity. You got to be pretty sad if you have to use force to have someone say stuff you like, esp. if you even *think* they mean it then. Seemed more like harrasment for the fun of it, they DID have camera's back then did they not ??



I wouldn't have cared much for the officers if they had stayed rats. My only concern in such a scenario would be Willow herself, don't want her to do spells just to do them (in this case there is a rather obvious trigger:-). Willow was right to recognize her response as 'dark' and she's very right to realize she's like every other human in having some dark side. Nothing inherently *wrong* with that, nor with wanting to protect Tara. The method chosen was a bit drastic yeah, but other then that.... the entire euphoric-feeling is dangerous but Willow seems to have recognized that.



It's probably more a kind of shock that she actually did what she did, scaring herself in the process. Xander could drop of Tara at Tara's place, that way Willow can try to understand (and come to terms with) what happened. Or Tara could stick to Willow and try to help her cope.. it's sad to read about Willow wanting to crawl into a small corner Tara can't help her (much) if she crawls away like that.



Willow mentioned that she didn't think about using her power up till the moment the police bastards harrassed Tara. That might very well be part of the problem since when that moment arrived Willow didn't even pause to think but just acted to protect Tara. If she HAD thought of it before she might have used the sleep-spell and skipped the rat-stuff. Keeping things in till they reaching boiling point is kinda dangerous.



I hope those police-scumballs have a HUGE hang-over when waking up (a rat-sized dick would be neat too, tiny leftover so to speak).



Hmm... what are the other women who were on that beach going to say/do ? They all saw what happened I think.



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

Edited by: Grimlock72 at: 7/9/03 2:28 am

[EffieBlue]

Hi,



I'm really enjoying this story MC.



The setting of it 1967 coming 22 years after WW2 is pretty significant. Many women who worked in factories, flew planes etc. during the war got to do so because of the men being absent. For so many it was the FIRST time they would have had any sort of job, let alone any form of independence. It changed countless women forever. Then the war ended and they were expected to to return to being the housewife/mother/carer they were before. Some were content to do that, others weren't. They had had a taste of freedom. They wanted more. They now knew what they were capable of as women whithout men in their lives. This sense of independence, ambition (even if they couldn't carry it on themselves) they passed on to the next generation, their daughters and their sons too. It sparked a time of change. It was slow... it's still happening.

So the time you are writing about is significant. You have two young women who are starting to walk out into a changing world. More importantly they had the knowledge that women could step out into the world and bring more change. Some at a great cost to themselves.

It frightened a lot of men and it still does. What is their place in the world if women no longer need them. frightened people do bad things simply because they are scared. They lash out. And at the time, they had the law on their side and the fact that many women simply wouldn't press charges, they couldn't, the impact to their lives would be the same as being raped all over again.

But because some of those women did stand up and say "NO MORE", young women like Bindingwiccan can say "I'm 15 and I'm gay" There is till hatred, ignorance and just plain fear and stupidity out there, but it's a hell of a lot better than it was.



Thanks for writing this story.



Even if it has brought back memories of being kicked by police officers for refusing to "get up, go home and look after my husband" when protesting in trafalgar square.



Jill.

[Maccoda]

mariacomet...that was very well done, enough to give us a sense of what it must have been like without being too graphic. I really enjoy this story.





Grimlock....in 1967 America the standard reason to raid a "gay bar" was the illegal sale of alcohol. Rounding up the homosexuals was the goal but alcohol sale was usually the excuse. A great many if not most gay bars back then were private clubs owned by various mafia families. The police departments didn't have cameras in 1967 and few people cared if the police abused gay people or other minorities.



My parents still worry about my partner and I because we live in a tiny town in a very conservative part of the US, they are afraid that we'll be harrassed or worse by our town officials.

[shuyaku]

Wow MC! Wow. I specifically waited until I could read this in the privacy of my home and I'm so glad I did. You did a fantastic job of giving us just enough information to feel the pain and humiliation, avoiding anything gratuitous. It serves as a fantastic reminder of how far we have come (and maybe a subtle nudge at how far we have to go).



Everything else I have to say has already been said so much better by Mary (AntigoneUnbound) - so I'll just say ditto.



I see more angst ahead, but they are still holding hands, so the rainbow is shining through (pun intended).



-shuyaku

[xita]

I am glad that you toned it down, because even that was hard to take. It's hard for some young people to see sometimes that this is in our past and not that long ago. This was a very real situation and so many people had the courage to face it and it is thanks to them that we have the freedoms that we do today. I am certainly pleased to see w/t in this context being heros in a very real way. Plus it's very romantic thanks for the update MC

- - - - - - - - - - -
"The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last."

-Willie Wonka

[some dark thing]

RL kept me away from the keyboard, but now I'm back and...

Oh waw. Reading these last 2 parts gave me shivers.



As the others have already talked about the "bad side" (and yes it was awful, I'm not saying it isn't. Besides, I live in a country where the law against homosexuality was changed only a few years ago) I'll add there is also something that almost makes me want to live those times. Solidarity was a different word than, wasn't it? And I've never felt it, solidarity.... such a strange, powerful thing...

Quote:

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I'm not one of your favorites? But...but...I bribed you and everything!

---

You are one of my favorites, MC. Damn it, of course you are. One of. That's what I meant. I just dislike people who gush stuff like "You are my most favorite writer ever!!!" on more than one thread/forum/site/guestbook. I'm not anal, just truth-obsessed.



But uhm... what was that about bribe?

[jaycatt23]

you know, I'm really rather shy, and though I know that I'm gay, it seems that I tend to be the opposite of forthcoming about this. Approximately every 6 months I get pissed and tell one of my friends, but that's about it. It's really not impressive, considering I've just turned 22.



But.



This story is so god damn impressive. It's one of those things that makes me see that I really should stop hiding. Because there are so many people who've stood up, and risked so much, to do what I'm either too scared, or too apathetic (one or the other) to manage.



Plus, you've written Tara and Willow so gorgeously.



Looking forward to more (and the day I finally admit who I am...)

[TareBearRS]

Man this story is good, i am so glad Xander interferred when they did, i don't even want to think about what could have happened and that these kind of things really happend in the past and are still happening now in 2003 for God'sakes...



Has anyone seen: Boy's don't cry... how sad is that movie huh? Or Lost and Delirious.. i totally love that last one but keep crying my eyes out.. such a good relationship ruined cause of what other people think...



If people in general would pay more attention at themselves instead of others and how they live their life things would be so much easier.



My coming out went pretty smooth, my family and friends all accepted it , just my dad totally freaked out.



This is a really good fic!!!



Renate

[some dark thing]

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Has anyone seen: Boy's don't cry... how sad is that movie huh? Or Lost and Delirious.. i totally love that last one but keep crying my eyes out.. such a good relationship ruined cause of what other people think...

---

I couldn't watch Lost and Delirious. I tried 3 times. Simply too painful. It's the only movie I couldn't sit through for this reason. Ever.

The funny thing is that Boys Don't Cry should speak much more to me, but I didn't have any problem with it. *shrug* I usually don't. There is something about Lost and Delirious that gets to me. I really wish I knew what. (To do something about it. I don't like being weak.)

[barnabasvamp]

Well, you were right. The beach scene was a bit harsh, but then sometimes reality just Sucks! You handled it so well.



By having Willow tone the magic down and not stoop to their level, it made them better than the cops!



Great update.

BV

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before"-Mae West

[some dark thing]

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By having Willow tone the magic down and not stoop to their level, it made them better than the cops!

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They would have been better anyway, IMO. Because they reacted to an act of agression, while the cops started it with no reason. Or maybe I'm just being my amoral self here, which wouldn't be a first. *shrug*

Edited by: some dark thing at: 7/17/03 9:59 pm

[Pixie gishmock]

ACK!!! The realities of two kittens with one computer.



Many apologies to the shipmates. One post from the actual writer/captain, coming up.

Life is full of changes...The better you are at letting go of things, the freer your hands will be to catch something new. ~from Off The Map by Joan Ackerman
"It's good to be a chicken casserole," Tara murmured before passing out. ~from "Answering Darkness" by Sassette

Edited by: Pixie gishmock at: 7/17/03 11:17 pm

[mariacomet]

HEY THERE ALL



Still out here in the wild vastness, gang...



I have a small problem. It's called smut.



Frankly...well...er...how do I say this gracefully...



The smut seems to have gotten away from me.



Yes, it's all true.



So the next bit...right now...is about 16 pages. It was about five pages. But I got an idea late in the game, and so, well 9 pages more is the result. And that's BETA pages. And these things do tend to grow AFTER beta.



So...HEAVY SIGH...I am gonna have to do ONE MORE PART then I planned.



In all seriousness, I have appreciated all your comments and thoughts and will reply to them personally this weekend. I was deeply touched by a lot of what you all thought and said. I want to make sure I take the time to give your replies the attention they deserve.



My beta readers are betaing as fast as their little beta fingertips will let them. I will get the next bit up as soon as I can.



Thanks everyone...



MC

[sprhrgrl]

Oooh, ooh, does that mean extra smut?



Not that I read up to now last night and didn't comment until now because I was waiting until it was over. . .



But I'm all for extra smut.



And the rest of it was written beautifully, dear, btw.

sprhrgrl.com

she's my everything

Sweetie, I'm a fag. I been there. - Tara

The truth shall set you free, but first it will piss you off. - Gloria Steinem

[TareBearRS]

I hear ya about how sad L&D is, i've seen it a few times now but i keep crying and feeling so sad afterwards..



I think it's cause of Pipers acting, she plays the part amazingly!!! and cause they portray the relationship so well, it's not just about 2 women and the sex like so many of those movies are.



And due to the ending of course.. which i won't spoil for those who haven't seen it..



So don't feel bad (or weak) about yourself,.. it's a really sad movie. But i am sure this story will have a happy ending (or at least i really really hope so)



Renate

[Puff]

Heehee MC (hugs) I am sure no one will complain about having an extra update. Hope you are yours are well and I'll catch up with you in a week or so

---

So, the day started and I knew my name and had my pants on. So far, so good. Yay.
Amber Benson

[some dark thing]

MC, the longer the better.

and really, do kittens ever say no to smut?



TareBearRS, this story is bound to have a happy ending. heh.

About L&D (and I apologise for using your thread for this, MC), I can't even get past the scene in the library when Piper is in her fencing attire. Yes, that early scene. *groan* And every time I hear "so beautiful" I remember the song and have to gnash my teeth.

[TareBearRS]

I know what you mean.. i downloaded the song and it makes me feel both sad and happy cause when it was played they were both so happy ya know.



Yay for a happy ending to this fic!!!



Renate

[some dark thing]

Whose song is that?

And if we are talking songs (MC, I apologise again for the OT prancing around your thread) do you know who sings "Show Me Love" in "Fucking Amal/Show Me Love" aka "that Swedish 1998 lesbian movie".? (It's great, I seriously recommend it)

Quote:

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when it was played they were both so happy ya know

---

I'll resist the temptation to say something about 'giving someone a happy'.

*groan*

See, this is how I give people The Wrong Impression (TM).

[mariacomet]

The Rose24 - I think it's important to keep in mind the view of society regarding homosexuality during this time. Doctors were coming forward and saying that being gay was a mental illness. Respected doctors.



I don't think the police are any worse or better then most of society as a whole during this time. They did have power, but I think their actions reflected society's fears and confusion (and perhaps, even anger.)



Tara and Willow, I think, are an essential part of one another, and always will be. I think that's what it is to be soulmates.



bluewillowwitch - Will update asap, I promise. I am so sorry I have been less then dilligent about this. But hey...extra smut.



Puff When I wrote the original scene on the beach, it made me uncomfortable. But when I got to the Willow response...that pained me. I think that when something like that happens, how you respond often depends on the direction of your soul. You can't prevent, I think, being marked. But you do not have to be tainted. Willow must rise above. So must Tara. Or there is defeat. So Willow was brouht close to changing in a fundemental way. But then...Tara helped her remember who she was. I think that was a remarkable thing for someone to be able to do for another. Willow was at the cliff again...but Tara helped bring her back...to herself.



Maybe that's the greatest gift that the people we love and that love us can give.



And my dear friend, many many wishes of wonder for you and yours. My deepest, most heartfelt congrats.



AntigoneUnbound - I remember when I was contemplating the scene, thinking about what might and might not happen on the beach. Rape did come to mind, then...but I couldn't quite stomach even hinting at that happening to Willow or Tara. Besides, it felt like it was too much. While rapes did happen, and this is a horrible truth, it is my understanding that it was not commonplace. Harassment however is another story. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a victim of such humilation of degradation. By the very people you are supposed to be able to trust. Schools, Government, Police. Even doctors claiming you were insane.



Beyond what people in these situations have actually experienced, the human psyche then takes over...and makes you doubt yourself. Makes you feel out of control of so many things, and therefore feel helpless. The harshness of judging when to fight and when to remain silent. The feeling that even when you do try and do something you are fighting against a bigger monster then you could ever, ever hope to defeat. The seeming hopelessness of it all when all society views you as an outcast or sick or immoral or all three.



How many people accepted with resignation their fate after they tried and tried to fight. How many women and men consigned themselves to misery.



But what amazes me more is those that refused to compromise. And what I ask myself, and I am unsure of the answer...is where *I* would stand.



Sorry...I have to put the soapbox back.

Quote:

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I've read examples where people seem to just string words together. I think her speech, though, while often astoundingly non-linear, is never inane or nonsensical.

---

I really, really love writing Willow babble. My mind works in that kind of babble. Rushing on, taking unrelated topics and going on tangents. It is REALLY fun just letting Willow go off on a topic.

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It's one thing to "do right" because doing otherwise really isn't an option; but when we could tilt the scales in our favor through use of unfair advantage and we choose not to--that seems a far greater morality.

---

Willow and Tara rise above what has happened. In the end, because they turn away from taking revenge, I believe they win. It's not a bloodless victory, emotionally. But wounds on the heart can heal. Especially if you aren't alone.



Grimlock72 -

Quote:

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I'm not sure on what basis the Captain intends to shut down that bar but other then that he is trying to do his job

---

As Maccoda said:

Quote:

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in 1967 America the standard reason to raid a "gay bar" was the illegal sale of alcohol. Rounding up the homosexuals was the goal but alcohol sale was usually the

excuse.

---

You'll notice that after Willow tells the bartender there is going to be a raid, they start cleaning up any signs of alcohol. Beer bottles, etc. I didn't go into the why of this. Somehow I wanted to keep this subtle and not go into a lot of details. The reason being that the alcohol, as stated, was an excuse. And if they didn't have that one they would have found another.



I'm just going to state my general opinion here. I don't have hard evidence. But this is what I think:



Police are in a position of great authority and power. I often don't think we give them enough credit. Despite the abuses of power that have occured. Being a cop is mostly a high stress thankless job, I would think.



And if they want to get you, I would imagine that it would be easy to do so. Often a police officer's testimony carries more weight in court. Say you were pulled over and a police officer simply didn't like you. Say they planted some illegal substance on your person. Or they stated that you had attacked them, and that in response, they had hit you say...about ten times with a baton. Long enough to keep you down, but nothing obviously excessive.



You insist that you were framed. But we live in a cyncial society. Criminals often claim that the police are framing them. And if the police hand the judge evidence and one police officer, maybe two are willing to testify against you. Well...I wouldn't put your odds at better that 50-50 of not getting convicted. Unless you could afford mega lawyers or were lucky enough to have a video of the whole thing.



Of course, if the officer had a history of such arrests or you had no history of criminal behaviour these thing might be looked at. Maybe.



Police, in the past, acted with much more impunity then they face now. But even now...police have a lot of power. I believe there are many good police officers out there and I am grateful for them.



But assuming that society believed you were immoral, and the police wanted to quell an immorality that society believed was dangerous...well, I would imagine they could find many reasons to harass, arrest and censur you.

Quote:

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The entire beach thing struck me more as a kind of student prank, it virtually reeked of insecurity. You got to be pretty sad if you have to use force to have someone say stuff you like, esp. if you even *think* they mean it then. Seemed more like harrasment for the fun of it, they DID have camera's back then did they not ??

---

Again, just rolling with my opinion and I thank you for yours.



I think the woman that went through such things would disagree with the idea that it was prank. Insecuirty yes...but also fear. Fear from a male driven world in a time where women were finally coming into their own.



It was harassment. But it was harassment to assert control. It was not for the fun of it. It was to try and put women back in their place and to uphold the ideas of what was "moral."



They had cameras. But the women on the beach were in their underwear and so they did not have them. Also, pictures/video only work when people agree that what has happened is wrong. Back in this age, people strongly believed that being gay was wrong. Assuming that you had pictures, could somehow convince a newspaper from THAT time to publish the pictures, I think at worst those officers would have gotton a hand slap that was just for show. Mostly, I think the photos would have been almost comical to many. Sad, but true, I think.

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I hope those police-scumballs have a HUGE hang-over when waking up (a rat-sized dick would be neat too, tiny leftover so to speak).

---

LOL...I should have considered that. It might have made an amusing reminder to them.

Quote:

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Hmm... what are the other women who were on that beach going to say/do ? They all saw what happened I think.

---

I think that they will feel lucky to just go home. Some will come back to the bar the next week. Some won't. I believe that if someone filed a report, it somehow would never be followed up on. Paperwork can get lost so easily, if you want it to. Or that the cops would get a very verbal warning. And...then I wouldn't want to face those cops or their freinds again. I leave the question you asked, somewhat up in the air. It's a question that that will haunt W and T. What else could they have done? What else should they have done?



EffieBlue - Thanks a lot for your comments. I like and appreciate the depth that you went into when explaining the mindset of women at the time. I had thought about it some - I used to be a WW2 history addict - from the prospective of women taking over 'the men's jobs' while the men were at war. And then the men coming home, and the women not necessarily wanting to go directly back to the kitchen. But what you said crystalized things.

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It frightened a lot of men and it still does. What is their place in the world if women no longer need them.

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Ohhh, excellent point. The roles of society have been flipped and flipped again...and they are still not in order. They probably never will be again. I think you are exactly right. This has created in many men (and some women) a lot of fear and confusion.

Quote:

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But because some of those women did stand up and say "NO MORE", young women like Bindingwiccan can say "I'm 15 and I'm gay"

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Isn't it amazing?

Quote:

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Even if it has brought back memories of being kicked by police officers for refusing to "get up, go home and look after my husband" when protesting in trafalgar square.

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I'm sorry to have brought back bad memories, but you are exactly the kind of person that inspired me to write this. Often. I...personally...don't know or examine enough of my own history. I think people need to do that, and I think sometimes they need to say thank you - especially when others have sacrified so that a better tomorrow can be hoped for.



I don't know how to properly put into words my respect for what you have been through, and what you were willing to fight for. I guess that's why I had to try to frame it all into words in about forty some odd pages.



Thanks for your comments, thanks for reading...



And thank you.



Maccoda - Thanks for your comments to Grimlock as well as to myself. I didn't know about the mafia connection at all. Always good to find out more.

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My parents still worry about my partner and I because we live in a tiny town in a very conservative part of the US, they are afraid that we'll be harrassed or worse by our town officials.

---

Yeah...heavy sigh. It's just not completely accepted yet, is it? I have the same concerns when my partner and I are out in public. I fear harassment and looks and words. Sometimes I fear more then that. But I am out at work, and still have my job. I am out to my friends, and only one seems to have walked away from me - though homosexuality, I think is only part of that issue.



Maybe it will keep getting better. I think it will. Maybe one day there will be no need to be afraid.



shuyaku

Quote:

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Wow. I specifically waited until I could read this in the privacy of my home and I'm so glad I did.

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I reccomend that you do this with the smut bits too. I'm just teasing.



It was a hard part to write and I was a little worried at what the reaction would be. There is a little more angst, though it all gets much happier quickly. And you are right...no matter what, Our girls will be holding hands.



xita Firstly, I love your 'love at first sight/first touch' thingie. Happy sigh.



I agree with you, I think the girls are heroes in this part and it felt wonderful to eventually try and let them be seen in that light. They never - in the series - saw themselves in that light. They didn't refer to themselves as champions. But I believe that they were in the series. And as - Non Slayer driven-plain-old-rootin-tootin-courageous-human-beings in this part....I believe the same thing.



some dark thing About the offtopicness of your conversations in my thread...



No worries, hon. I actually like when a story inspirres some dicsussion. The conversations are about movies that deal with lesbians and how they are potrayed, and what makes us love...or sad about the movie. I wouldn't consider beyond the range of topic.

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As the others have already talked about the "bad side" (and yes it was awful, I'm not saying it isn't. Besides, I live in a country where the law against homosexuality was changed only a few years ago)

---

Where do you live, if I may ask? We're still working at gettin rid of laws here in the States.



Solidarity...It's hard for me to define it. A like purpose with others that are just as determined and crazy as you are? A feeling of family and similar purpose? I'm not sure I have entirely felt it either. There is no movement that is perfect. That are poltics and divisions that happen. Sometimes people can keep their eye on the ball. Sometimes not. Maybe sometimes people are afraid of what they can lose.



Solidarity. I think it takes a lot to inspire that these days. But we live in a generation where heroes are shreaded...and I think in the end, it is other people that inspire us the most.



I think solidarity does happen...still. But sometimes the cost is so high.



You've given me something to mull over.



One of? ONE OF?!



Teasing.



There are many wonderful writers on the Pens. And take nto account that art is subjective anyway, I will be very honored to take the title of "One of..."

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But uhm... what was that about bribe?

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Coming right up...



(still replying)

Edited by: mariacomet at: 8/6/03 12:10 pm

[some dark thing]

Quote:

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Solidarity. I think it takes a lot to inspire that these days. But we live in a generation where heroes are shreaded...and I think in the end, it is other people that inspire us the most.



I think solidarity does happen...still. But sometimes the cost is so high.

---

See, this is why I keep going round and round on this thread for more than just fic. I like reading what you have to say, and you say it so well...

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You've given me something to mull over.

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Well, it's only fair, afterall you've done the same to me.

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Where do you live, if I may ask?

---

Of course you may ask, MC. Anything for you.

No, really it is in my profile.

Well, sort of.

No, really.



Actually I'd say I don't live in that funny thingy called RealLife. I'm not proud of it, but this is how things work with this dark thing. But yeah yeah, my body resides in that area specified in the profile. What a bore.



ETA:



As there is no update and MC said lesbian movies are accepted ramblings here, I'll take the opportunity to mention "Fucking Amal/Show Me Love" again. That's one good, WAFF-giving-but-still-real teenage movie. It deals with coming out too. *waves to TareBearRS*

*suddenly feels the still unusual urge to get personal*

Your dad freaked, huh? May I ask what did he said/did? My family experience is sorta different. You see, my father and I had this "I'm better than most, but definitely better than Thou" thing going on, the Oedipus thingy that guy Freud mentioned , then I hit my teenage years full force *shudder*, but once I made it to the other side (let's gloss over it, OK?) we became a bit closer, so he's the only one in the family I talk to about personal stuff. With the rest I live on a "don't ask don't tell" basis that works wonders. Till it blows in our faces, that is, but this we can deal with. Should I talk with my mother in a coming out manner she might meet the end of a knife when lunging to gouge my eyes out. No, I'm not bitter. Yes, she does know, I mean it can't be more obvious, but she doesn't have the guts to make sure. And I'm not sorry for this one bit.



MC, when I said that about solidarity I meant it in a very literal way... Ok, let me explain this. The GLBT community here was too busy with LG(B) rights to welcome any contact with us weirdos. To be perfectly honest, I didn't get the chance to try to contact them because someone else tried it (and she was more "normal", more like "them") and told me not to bother, they'll just stare at me like I'm an unspeakable unknown creature. And questions such as "Uhm, like... are you into men then or uhm what?" or "And what it is like to be... uhm... you?" set my teeth on edge. (Yes, people, I'm different. Gasp! Not everything in the LGBT community is solely about sexual orientation.)



It's not just that I've never felt solidarity, frankly, I don't think I would allow myself to feel it even if I were welcomed in the local community, because, like I've said in another post, as a reformed homophobe and sexist prick I've felt... shamed. You know that this thread is the first place where I could admit my self-reproach to others? (Maybe this why I apologise so much )



(Now that's some editing... )

Edited by: some dark thing at: 7/30/03 9:47 pm

[TareBearRS]

Hi again,



You asked me:

Quote:

___________________________________________________

Whose song is that?

And if we are talking songs (MC, I apologise again for the OT prancing around your thread) do you know who sings "Show Me Love" in "Fucking Amal/Show Me Love" aka "that Swedish 1998 lesbian movie".? (It's great, I seriously recommend it)

Quote:

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I meant the song: So beautiful, when it was played they first time they were both so happy. they were still together. So when i hear the song i just keep thinking of that and not how the movie ended.



Renate



____________________________________________________

***I will make me a willow cabin at your gate and call upon my soul within the house... I rush into the secret house***

[TareBearRS]

Hi,

It's ok to ask and get personal, though i apologise to talk about other stuff than your wonderful story.



Quote: Your dad freaked, huh? May I ask what did he said/did?



Well he pretty much exploded, said i ruined his life and threathed to kick me out of the house.



Took away my car and was not supposed to see my girlfriend anymore (she's my ex now) anyways, she didn't speak to eachother for ages and all communication went through my mom, i was scared shitless of him.



Nearly stopped eating (i lost 15 kilos in a month) and just stayed in my room when i got home from work. Had all these rules to obbide and if i broke them i was out ya know. I didn't have the money to move out so i was stuck.



Now we are 2 years from when this happend and we are still not really talking to eachother. Too much has been said and done for us to ever have a normal realtionship again.



My mom was shocked too but took it ok besides that, my family and friends were great about it. So was my ex and her parents, they really pulled me through this.



Ok that was my story... i hope i didn't bore anyone or scare them away from your fic.



Renate

***I will make me a willow cabin at your gate and call upon my soul within the house... I rush into the secret house***