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Fic: What's your tale, nightingale? (AU)

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Re: Chapter Twenty

Postby JustSkipIt » Sat Mar 13, 2004 9:41 am

Well, Willow really didn't think through this at all. First off, she should know how Tara would feel. Not that Willow can help her "duties" but she should have realized in the shop how Tara would feel. And also, isn't she thinking that her mother will recognize Tara and be upset that Willow is friends with someone "like that" (like that = the help)? Not a good idea at all and poor Tara.



On the other hand: College = good. Tara = good.



Thanks for the quick post.

---

"Your little will can't do anything. It takes Great Determination. Great Determination doesn't mean just you making an effort. It means the whole universe is behind you and with you - the birds, trees, sky, moon, and ten directions." - Katagiri Roshi

JustSkipIt
 


Re: Chapter Twenty

Postby jixer » Sat Mar 13, 2004 12:43 pm

Hello Kittens-



I like that Willow is realizing she is being molded into her mother. I can imagine how your Sheila will see Willow and Tara. It's obvious Willow and Tara want no one to be hurt, but they don't understand these parents carry the hurt with them already in their views and hopes for the perfect girls-more dolls and obedient pets then people.



Buffy's reaction makes me wonder about several things. I'll just wait patiently. Really.



Jixer







jixer
 


Re: Chapter Twenty

Postby TemperedCynic » Sat Mar 13, 2004 2:49 pm

I just caught up with this fic, and it's wonderful. Star-crossed lovers from "opposite sides of the track" - I've forgotten how many romance novels used this premise. Ah but now we have a unique twist. Willow and Tara in 1957, deeply in love at the height of the Eisenhower era. This will prove the bravery of our girls, because there is so much to overcome just to be together. Buffy's reaction to Willow 'coming out' was common for those times and it would be another 12 years before the push for gay rights and identity would begin.



So much has happened, and each chapter has the correct feel. So much has yet to happen. Will the world conspire to keep our girls apart? Will Willow be married off to Hugh or will she be disowned for loving Tara? Will Tara keep her job and living arrangements if she 'comes out'? These things did happen in the dark days of the past but they need not happen here. I am interested to see where you take our girls, because I'm loving the journey so far.


More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935 - )

TemperedCynic
 


Re: Chapter Twenty

Postby blue and green wings » Sat Mar 13, 2004 9:46 pm

again, this fic keeps me reading and posting. i have so many unanswered questions. what is buffy going to do? will their friendship be mended? will willow tell her mom? will tara and willow be able to be together in ny? and will hugh go away? damn these cliffhangers...



~edit~ when hugh carrington leaves, do i have permission to :smash him?

Edited by: blue and green wings at: 3/14/04 5:49 pm
blue and green wings
 


Re: Chapter Twenty

Postby Tempest Duer » Sun Mar 14, 2004 10:55 pm

Oh dear me... Tara with a crush on that beastly Master Carrington? My goodness, how utterly ridiculous. Now do excuse me while I adjust my rose-tinted glasses and write phony and empty-sounding phrases, my dear, but I'm making an attempt to post something other than "nice update."

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

Tempest Duer
 


Re: Chapter Twenty

Postby KiwiAlcyone » Tue Mar 16, 2004 7:15 pm

Replies for wonderful kitten feedback,



JustSkipit: I fully agree with your excellent criticism of Willow’s actions in Chapter 20. Willow is fully in the wrong despite having nothing but the best intentions. She still can’t manage to see the whole picture and even after her brutal shock at Buffy’s reaction, she hasn’t realised that she’s not in a fairytale. Neither Willow nor Tara is perfect and this Chapter brings to light the fact that Willow still has a lot of growing up to do, she is only eighteen after all. Part of being in a relationship means realising and taking into consideration how your actions are going to impact on your partner. In the next chapter I will hopefully do more justice to this idea and address how Tara feels about what Willow has done.

While it was valid to point it out, I have a different take on Sheila’s reaction to Willow being friends with someone like ‘that’. Sheila knows that Tara is from a working class background from their first meeting and I hope to explore her reasons for her acceptance of Willow’s friendship with Tara in upcoming chapters. But as a bit of explanation, Sheila is involved in a lot of charity work, one of those upper class women who takes their duty of helping the lower classes very seriously. While of course Willow doesn’t share or even realise this view, she views Tara as Willow’s ‘charity project.’ Hoping that some of Willow’s ‘good breeding’ will rub off on Tara to her betterment.

And I definitely hope to more fully explore the idea of university, hopefully soon because I’m looking forward to exploring this.

jixer: I imagine that Willow has probably spent her entire life trying to avoid becoming her mother. It’s like being on a collision course with a person walking towards you on the street, spending the entire time as you get closer and closer trying to walk on opposite sides of the footpath only to still collide when you finally meet.

Thanks also for your point about how parents view their children, very valid.

Hopefully when I do get around to exploring Buffy’s reaction more fully I will be able to do justice to what I what to convey.

Tempered Cynic: Mike, thanks so much for joining in the fun and you make some really good points. While this fic is so very far removed from actual Buffyverse, there are still parallels to make and most obviously, as you point out, their bravery. You don’t need to be fighting vampires and demons to be brave.

And yes, your questions are good ones but I don’t want to give too much away.

blue and green wings: Thanks for reading and posting! And yes, all your questions will be answered in time.

I’ll be glad to get rid of Hugh too.

Tempest Duer: Nice update is always a good reply, I don’t mind. And yeah, it does seem ridiculous for Tara to have a crush on Hugh but that’s definitely what the other waitress would think if she saw Tara staring at him.



Chapter 21 is coming along nicely and hopefully it won't be too long before I can have it up.



-Alcy



“It’s just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. Some people have dandruff. I have this appalling imagination…”

The Seven Year Itch.

KiwiAlcyone
 


Re: Chapter Seventeen

Postby Seldomly Naughty » Wed Mar 17, 2004 6:54 pm

awwww...I know she'll miss Tara..it won't be the same until she's in her arms again....I can't believe Willow's parents are so closed minded I mean she said she met someone and they just dismiss her as if Tara isn't nothing..to Willow Tara is everything....I can't wait till they get together again..



I honestly wonder how Buffy will act..will she admit to something or will she act like she did when Willow told her...hhmmm...interesting...



Update soon please...



Tisha:kitty

Seldomly Naughty
 


Re: Chapter Seventeen

Postby pikescoob » Thu Mar 18, 2004 8:12 pm

Buffy's reaction was obviously disappointing, but maybe she'll come around a bit after having some time for it to settle...I hope so for Willow's sake anyway. It was amusing how those girls went crazy over Hugh and then thought by Tara's reaction to seeing Willow, that she had a crush on him, lol.



Michelle

pikescoob
 


Re: Chapter Seventeen

Postby KiwiAlcyone » Fri Mar 19, 2004 7:07 am

Seldomly Naughty: You don’t need to wait long until Willow and Tara are together again. I know Willow’s parents don’t have many redeeming qualities about them but I think in some way they do care about Willow, just for all the wrong reasons perhaps.

pikescoob: Yeah, I wanted Hugh to be a really big stud and what better way to show that than by having a bunch of girls go all ga-ga over him.

I’m both looking forward to and dreading Willow and Buffy’s meeting, I just hope it comes across well but we’ll have to wait a few chapters yet.





Chapter Twenty-one – “The Waitress, the Doll and the Broomstick Closet.”





Willow’s evening so far had progressed as though it had been drawn straight from every little girls’ dreams. Getting to play dress up in the most beautiful gown, being swirled around in the arms of prince charming while the eyes of the entire room were on her. Any other little girl would have been on cloud nine.



For Willow however, it was a dream come true without the magic. It was meaningless posturing on the part of people who wanted to map her life out for her. Her mother seeking to show that she had raised the perfect potential society wife…her father, wanting to cement his business relations with a relationship of a more personal nature using his own daughter as currency.



*****



“You’re looking tired Miss Rosenberg, a bit peckish perhaps…would you care to sit down for a while?” Hugh lead Willow from the dance floor, his clammy hand still holding hers possessively.



Willow’s whole evening had revolved around Hugh Carrington and his insufferable chatter. Being a very bright young man, Hugh was full of knowledge, witty one lined jokes…and himself.



Faced with his winning smile as he waited expectantly for her to tell him what she wanted Willow’s lips curled up into a little one of her own at the prospect of making good her escape.



“You know what….Hugh, I really need to pay a visit to…” Willow dropped her voice to a modest whisper, “the ladies room.”



His smile became somewhat forced at that point, “Yes of course, I’ll get us glasses of punch.”



Willow nodded and turned away with a smile, any gentleman with experience at this sort of party knew full well that a visit to the ladies room also involved powdering ones nose and gossiping with friends about the evening. As Willow fought her way out of the ballroom she didn’t intend to do any of those things. She had only one person on her mind…a person who was probably at this very moment trying to avoid shrimp pastries.



*****



With a little difficulty Willow managed to find the kitchen, mainly by following the trail of waitresses with empty trays. They gave her strange looks for which Willow wasn’t surprised at all. She looked completely out of place in her gown, clearly intruding in what was obviously not her space. She stopped one of the young waitresses with a gentle tap on the shoulder.



“Excuse me, have you seen Tara Maclay? About this high…blonde, blue eyes…” Willow began her description, careful not to gush too glowingly about her girlfriend.



“Tara’s in the kitchen,” the girl replied abruptly. In cutting Willow’s description short it was as though she was saying ‘everyone knows Tara.’



“Thank you,” Willow lifted her dress from the floor and hurried her pace a little.



If she had been out of place amongst the waitresses, it was even more pronounced in the kitchen. As though on cue every head in the room turned to look at her when she entered and Willow felt incredibly conspicuous. No matter how busy and bustling each person was, they all managed to look away from what they were doing and just stare at her. Willow smiled weakly, her cheeks flushing red beneath the combined scrutiny of the entire room.



Tara saw Willow almost as soon as she entered the kitchen. There was no way she could have missed her in that gown…or any outfit for that matter. Her heart gave a funny little flutter, as it always did whenever she laid eyes on Willow. Her first instinct was to run out the back door and escape any embarrassment…Well, that was actually her second, her first was really to leap the distance between them with her imaginary superpowers and seek out Willow’s lips with her own. If only she were that brave…



She carefully laid down the tea towel she had been using to dry dishes and then made her way through the kitchen. People stepped aside to let her pass with looks of curiosity on their faces. Neither Tara nor Willow noticed however, they kept their eyes on one another. Entirely different thoughts were running though their minds, while Willow could only be pleased to see her girlfriend for the first time that evening, the thoughts running through Tara’s mind were of a more sobering nature in the wake of seeing Willow with Hugh Carrington.



“W-Willow,” Tara came to stand before her after what seemed like the longest walk ever, now she had to duck her head when she remembered Willow in the arms of the handsome young man.



“Hello stranger…can we talk somewhere?” Willow asked, the quiet tone of her voice doing little to hide her enthusiasm, “Only if you’re able I mean...oh gosh, I should have thought to ask if you are allowed breaks…and I should have done so before we got to this point…and I should really shut up now.”



“Tara,” someone touched her on the shoulder when she had been about to put a gentle stop to the Willow-babble, Tara spun around to see the head cook, “You haven’t had a break all night, go and talk to your…friend.”



Tara nodded and allowed Willow to lead her out of the kitchen. Willow’s hand brushed hers as they walked…intentionally? She cast a glance sideways to try and read Willow’s expression but the redhead just wore a simple, unreadable smile.



They continued walking until they found a large, comfortable sitting room where guests could escape the noise of the party. Armchairs and sofas were placed throughout the room with only a few were occupied by quietly chatting couples or small groups. Though they stopped near a sofa tucked away in one corner, both Tara and Willow continued to stand. Tara was acutely aware of her black and white uniform, it was hard not to be when she was standing opposite Willow wearing organza covered silk. Tara folded her arms across her chest and tried to prepare herself for whatever it was Willow had to say. She had a horrible feeling that Hugh Carrington was involved somehow.



“I’m sorry I couldn’t get away earlier but when my mother is conspiring against me…well, you have no idea how tough those odds are to beat. She’s waging a full campaign and I wouldn’t be surprised if she had absolutely every person in the room enlisted in her army,” Willow continued to grin, although she was wondering at Tara’s stance and her guarded expression, she probed gently, “I came to find you…”



“And?” Tara asked.



Willow lifted her eyebrows as though she thought her reasons to be plainly obvious, “And I missed you…all night I’ve been thinking about seeing you…wishing that I could be dancing with you instead of Hugh.”



“B-but you should be dancing with him, I-I mean, it’s good that you are…He certainly is a very handsome young man and…” Tara couldn’t seem to force the words out without her stutter returning full force, “Y-you…y-you l-look great…t-together.”



“We do not!” Willow protested indignantly, surprised to hear that coming from Tara as it sounded more like something her mother would say, “Why would you say that?”



“You’re engaged!” Tara blurted out, a little annoyed that Willow couldn’t just come out and say it without beating around the bush.



“What?” Willow’s eyes bulged in horror, “How can I be engaged without my knowing about it?”



Tara saw the honest look of shock in Willow’s eyes and her own mouth parted slightly when she recognised that expression. She knew that Willow was just as surprised to hear this news as she had been a few hours ago. She breathed a very relieved sigh as she felt her heart rate slow back to normal.



“So you’re not engaged?”



“No!” Willow replied vehemently, taking the risk of reaching out and picking up Tara’s hand, “But I wouldn’t be surprised if Hugh asked my mother on my behalf…the two of them seemed to have managed my life behind my back quite nicely.”



“Some of the girls said…and I just thought after seeing you and H-Hugh dancing…” Tara just needed to hear Willow refute the statement once more.



“I’m not engaged Tara.”



When she saw the relieved look on Tara’s face, Willow realised how her actions had impacted on Tara without her even realising. Her heart crumpled when she realised the thoughts that had obviously been running through the blonde’s head for the past few hours. Willow sank into the overstuffed sofa behind her, not caring that the creases she had just put in her gown would probably take someone a lot of work to get out. She put her head in her hands and couldn’t believe how stupid and self-centred she had been.



Tara frowned, she saw the look that passed across Willow’s face and didn’t quite understand. It was one of self-loathing, an expression she didn’t think the redhead should ever have to wear. Not caring about the other people scattered about the room, Tara sat down close to Willow, taking reassurance from the fact that Willow didn’t shy away from their thighs touching lightly.



Willow was the first to speak, her words reluctant, drenched with anger at herself, “Tara, I don’t know how I was expecting this night to turn out…I guess I deluded myself into expecting it to be something out of a fairytale. I’d show up all dolled up in my silk gown, knock the princess off her feet and everything would work out wonderfully.”



Tara couldn’t help but grin at Willow’s words and allow herself a small, light-hearted comment, “I’m a princess?”



She quickly wiped the grin off her face when she saw the confusion on Willow’s features. Willow was in the middle of beating herself up, she obviously didn’t feel that it wasn’t the time for laughs.



Tara sighed in partial exasperation and cut Willow off before she could say anything,

“Willow…tonight I was staring at you dancing and you were the most beautiful woman in the room…no, on the face of the planet…you knocked me so far into the sky that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come back down.”



“But I brought you crashing back to earth with the sight of me in the arms of Hugh Carrington looking all snugly-wuggly…I should have realised Tara…”



“Should have realised what Willow?” Tara’s voice raised an octave for a few moments, peoples heads turned and she lowered it again but her tone was no less firm, “That you are the most gorgeous, eligible young lady in all of New York…check. That I’d be jealous if I saw you being touched by someone other than me…check. That you and I are from completely different worlds…check.”



“Tara no, I just…”



Willow was again interrupted by Tara, intent on removing any traces of the guilt that Willow was feeling, “I may be from the wrong side of the tracks but I’m not stupid.”



“You’re not…” a vehement protest was cut short as well.



“Do you think I didn’t know that in coming here tonight I’d be walking straight into the lions den? Coming here tonight, working at a party where the woman I love is one of the guests…knowing I would never be able to dance with her, or maybe even talk to her…no matter how beautiful she looks. Straight into my worst nightmare and my wildest dream at the same time.”



“And I couldn’t see that,” Willow admitted, “I just can’t seem to put myself in your shoes no matter how much I try.”



“I don’t need you to Willow,” Tara placed her hand lightly on Willow’s bare shoulder, caressing discreetly with her thumb, “You think I would pass up a chance to see you all dolled up like you are? You have no idea how much I enjoy just looking at you.”



“If it’s half as much as I enjoy looking at you…then I don’t know how you can stand it because I hate every minute that I don’t get to look at you.”



Tara smiled shyly before looking a little more serious, “I just wasn’t quite prepared for Hugh Carrington…”



“I wouldn’t worry about him…trust me,” Willow finally found her smile, trying to hide it at first before letting it spread and light up her eyes.



“You know what,” Tara said stretching out her legs, “I think my feet are a little bigger than yours.”



“They are not!” Willow looked down at her feet, trying to measure them against Tara’s.



The girls shared a giggle before falling into complete silence. Willow was acutely aware of the hand on her shoulder, the feel of Tara’s skin against hers. No matter how tiny the actual area of contact, it set them both on fire. Willow let out a breath, reaching one hand up to lay it over Tara’s. Ever so gently she ran her fingers between Tara’s knuckles, tracing a small path.



As Willow’s fingers moved back and forth on her hand, Tara lifted her head so she could meet her gaze. Green eyes sparkled back at her, conveying both a sense of longing and still a hint of apology. When Tara looked into Willow’s eyes she knew that she had forgiven her before Willow herself had even realised what she was doing.



So close to her beautiful redhead, Tara found she could barely restrain herself from seeking out those gorgeous lips with her own. She was acutely aware of her rapidly rising heart rate. She felt the organ thumping madly in her chest so loudly she was sure Willow could hear it. A shadow fell over them for a just few moments as a couple walked past but it was enough for Tara to re-realise where they were. Heat rose in her cheeks but she didn’t turn away…she found herself unable to tear her eyes away from Willow’s.



Tara moved her head slowly, lips coming closer to Willow’s skin and yet to anyone walking past it would appear as though she were whispering in her ear. For both Willow and Tara however, it was something far more.



“I need you Willow,” Tara whispered, “I just wish…”



Willow felt Tara’s hot breath fall on her ear as she whispered and realised that it was pointless to try and stop what they both wanted to happen. They just had to find some place a little more private. Trying to keep her movements careful and graceful, and almost succeeding, she stood. Willow pulled Tara up with her, hand clasped tightly in her own.



“Willow, I’m supposed to be working!” Tara protested as Willow pulled her to her feet and started walking out of the room. It was very much a half-hearted protest.



Willow winked and Tara grinned, knowing full well that nothing would get her to go back to work now.



They moved away from the music and other sounds of the party, further into the house. Finding what she had been searching for, a cheeky Willow opened the door to one of the many broom closets. She pulled a surprised Tara inside and locked the door behind them. Only a thin trickle of light managed to sneak under the door, barely enough for Willow and Tara to see each other’s faces.



“You’re a bad influence Willow Rosenberg,” Tara whispered in a sultry voice as Willow pressed her up against a stack of towels with her body.



“Me?” Willow asked with innocence dripping from her tone.



Their breathing was amplified in the confined space of the broom closet. It never failed to amaze Tara how just the sound of Willow’s breathing could drive her crazy. Willow face was mere fingerbreadth from her own, she could feel the redhead’s hot, fast breathing falling on her skin. Willow placed her hands on either side of Tara’s head, smoothing back her hair.



Willow held her breath at the sight of the beautiful young woman in the dim light. Tara’s eyes twin pools of blackness and yet still speaking volumes as to how much she loved Willow. It was when Willow saw this in Tara’s eyes that her heart never failed to swell to bursting.



“Heaven help me,” she whispering, nuzzling Tara’s nose with her own as she spoke, “I’m so much in love with you I’m not sure I know how to cope, I feel as though my body wants to fly into a million pieces all at once.”



Tara shushed Willow with a soft sound and just two words, “My Willow…”



She saw the flash of Willow’s white teeth in the darkness as she smiled briefly. Then, without any further ado, Willow found Tara’s lips with her own and smothered them fiercely. Sensitive flesh met, almost hard enough to bruise and yet neither wanted to pull back even a fraction.



The fierce kiss softened after a few minutes but it was no less passionate. Willow flicked her tongue over Tara’s lips before nibbling playfully. Tara nipped at Willow’s nose before claiming those soft rosebud lips once more, searching every dip and contour. A small sigh escaped her throat just before Willow’s tongue entered her mouth. She responded by reaching out with her own, running it along the length of Willow’s tenderly.



In the middle of one world, one where their love didn’t belong, Willow and Tara created their own. At the same time that they returned home, they lost themselves in one another. There was no turning back for either of them…not for parents…friends…anyone



*****



Willow sat between her mother and father during the ride home late that night. Her mother still appearing to be satisfied with her night’s match-making efforts between Willow and Hugh. She cast little knowing glances at Willow every so often. Willow pretended not to notice as she didn’t want to be drawn into a conversation about Hugh.



Ira Rosenberg noticed nothing of the tension between his wife and daughter. He smelt strongly of cigars and brandy and appeared to be drifting off to sleep right in the car. Every few moments he would twitch himself awake and try to appear sober before his eyelids lowered once more. He was snoring before they were half way home.



Sheila however was very awake and very much interested in how Willow’s night had progressed. Especially considering she hadn’t been able to find Willow for a good hour near the end of the night.



“I ran into Hugh after supper and he said he had lost you. You went to freshen up and did not come back?” Sheila probed gently.



Willow shrugged in what she hoped was a nonchalant manner, “Ah, I wasn’t feeling quite well, I went for a rest.”



“Yes...one of my friends said she saw you sitting talking with a young waitress for quite some time in one of the sitting rooms.”



Willow raised her eyebrows and wondered why her mother had to ask where she was when she already knew?



“Tara,” Willow said in what she hoped was a light-hearted voice, “It was my friend Tara whom I introduced you to the other week. She was kind enough to sit and talk with me.”



“Tara, yes, lovely young girl. I find it so touching that you have made such an effort to be her friend and spend time with her.”



Willow could not fail to miss the implications in her mothers tone and words. She wanted to angrily refute the image of Tara that her mother had in her mind but she knew that no amount of angry words could do such a thing…only time could do that.



Willow sank further back into the seat, feeling the heat rise in her face when she remembered Tara’s body pressed against her own in the closet. She looked past her sleeping father and out at the lights that they drove past. If she didn’t think about her parents…or Buffy or even the world she lived in, Willow was floating on a cloud.



It was only when she forced herself to remember that life was not a fairytale that it all came crashing back to her and she realised she had to do something about it.





TBC in Chapter Twenty-two – “Co-eds? Don’t be Ridiculous.”



*****

“It’s just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. Some people have dandruff. I have this appalling imagination…”

The Seven Year Itch.

KiwiAlcyone
 


Re:Chapter 21

Postby blue and green wings » Fri Mar 19, 2004 9:15 am

yay!! hugh didn't get anything!! and smoochies!! gotta love that!!



the characters are really well developed. and did i just feel slightly sorry for hugh being ditched? damnit!! but it was only for a second. a very brief second. when tara and willow met up, my hate for hugh returned tenfold. now i'm patiently awaiting buffy and willow's meeting. hopefully, buffy understands.

Edited by: blue and green wings at: 3/21/04 2:12 pm
blue and green wings
 


Re: Chapter Seventeen

Postby numbered words » Fri Mar 19, 2004 10:02 am

woo! I'm the first to post. go me!



That was wonderful. It sounds like neither one of our girls had a very good night until they saw each other. Tara thinking Willow was engaged, Willow having to spend the majority of the night with Hugh. They just need to be together all the time. Hmm..



I wonder what is going on in Sheila's head. I wonder if she even has a clue.



Keep it up! Wonderful work.



-Kristyn

numbered words
 


Re: Re:Chapter 21

Postby 4WiccanLuv » Fri Mar 19, 2004 5:47 pm

:thud Mmm...broom closet smoochies! :kiss2 WooHoo....MIA for an hour! :laugh Sorry Hugh, but you can't hold a candle to Tara! :no

Mrs Rosenberg is a royal pain setting Willow up like that. :puke Willow's a smart girl and I'm sure she'll figure something out....your next chapter sounds interesting....co-eds???? :laugh



Lovin' this Alcy, nice job! :bow

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others." - Groucho Marx

4WiccanLuv
 


Re: Re:Chapter 21

Postby Tempest Duer » Fri Mar 19, 2004 9:09 pm

That was great. I feel so sorry for Willow, with her meddling parents, but she'll get the better of them... and Hugh, and all those jackass men who think they're so great, and just... urgh! If it weren't so expensive, I'd chuck my laptop across the room.

Saying that up is down will not make up, down.



~Gene Burns

Tempest Duer
 


Re: Re:Chapter 21

Postby pikescoob » Fri Mar 19, 2004 9:50 pm

God poor Tara thinking Willow was engaged and then seeing her dance with him all night :| she must've felt sick to her stomach...stupid gossip that circulates. It's good they found a nice broom closet to have some alone time but it's sad they need to do that. Excellent update!!



Michelle

pikescoob
 


Re: Re:Chapter 21

Postby KiwiAlcyone » Sun Mar 21, 2004 6:52 am

numbered words: Yay for the first post! Thanks Kristyn! Willow and Tara are always going to have their best times together, that’s the way it oughta be when two people belong together.

It’s typical for kids to see their parents as clueless and in writing my own fic I get to explore this generation gap fully and see where both Sheila and Willow are coming from. There is a definite difficulty in feeling any sort of sympathy for Willow’s parents considering that we know her and Tara will be together no matter what they do, how they cope with upcoming revelations will be a pivotal focus of future chapters.

blue and green wings: Hugh ain’t getting any…ever! Nothing but Willow and Tara smoochies! You feel sorry for Hugh? Well, I haven’t made him out to be a total jackass, he just seems to be a normal guy with his sights set on a girl he can never have.

I keep drawing out the Buffy and Willow meeting but it will eventually happen I assure you.

4WiccanLuv: I knew you’d appreciate the smoochies! Hee hee, the barf is so very appropriate in regards to Willow’s mother…she just means well, but we really wish she’d just quit it already! I’m glad you’re still loving it!

Tempest Duer: Thanks so much! Is there any one Willow can’t get the better of? Well, I do suspect that she’d let Tara get the better of her any day! Please don’t chuck an expensive piece of hardware across the room, it comes out badly. I threw my tv remote at my laptop, by accident mind you!, and now there’s a scratch on the screen…oh well, could have been worse. Don’t worry about the men, we know they lose in the end.

pikescoob I fully get your point about the sadness. While it is nice to have smoochies and a broom closet is definitely very sexy (well, not the one in AP3!! Cos ewww!!) it just goes to show how they have to hide their relationship. It was a pretty blatant plot device on my part but I think it worked out alright.



Next Chapter almost ready for your reading pleasure!



-Alcy

“It’s just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. Some people have dandruff. I have this appalling imagination…”

The Seven Year Itch.

KiwiAlcyone
 


Re: Re:Chapter 21

Postby barnabasvamp » Sun Mar 21, 2004 4:31 pm

I'm with 4WL...closet smoochies!!:yikes :kiss1



Seems as though Willow has her work cut out for her with her parents. And Hugh, clueless or what? :laugh



Look forward to more.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

barnabasvamp
 


Re: Chapter 22

Postby KiwiAlcyone » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:26 pm

barnabasvamp: Glad you liked the closet smoochies! And yes, definitely hard work for our Willow coming up ahead regarding Ira and Sheila but don’t worry, she’s up to it!



Chapter Twenty-two – “Co-eds? Don’t be Ridiculous.”





A very nervous Willow stood at the door to her parents room and raised her fist to knock. Just as she was about to bring her knuckles into contact with the wood she had yet another panic attack. Short, sharp breaths came all too fast and she lent her forehead on the door. Willow fought to regain some semblance of composure…she couldn’t enter her parents room looking as though she were a few seconds away from a heart attack. She drew her hand back to her side and pressed her ear up against the door. Inside all she could hear was the faint rustling of paper. She knew her father would be sitting up reading the New York Times for the second time that day in case he missed something that morning. Her mother would probably be curled up with the latest romance novel, although she would never let that incriminating little fact be known to anyone outside their family.



Once her breathing had returned to normal, Willow quickly rapped on the door twice before she could chicken out yet again. She shuffled her feet, pulling her dressing gown more tightly around her even though their house was kept at a perfectly comfortable temperature.



“Jenkins, is that you?” her father’s voice sounded out.



“No, it’s me…” Willow ventured quietly before realising that the people who ignored her existence most of the time might need a little more help than that, “It’s Willow.”



“Come in,” her father sounded surprised and so he ought to be because Willow had never knocked on their door, even as a small child.



It was much in the vein of a small child that she now opened the door and padded into the room to stand at the foot of her parents huge bed. It was only now that there was no turning back that Willow realised she ought to have chosen something a little better than her nightgown and baby pink dressing gown…with little ribbons and lace around the neck. She knew she must look all of twelve years old instead of the adult she hoped to be.



Her mother and father lay propped on opposite sides of the bed doing exactly what she had imagined them to be doing. Her father with the paper lowered just enough so she could see his bald head and bespectacled eyes peering at her over the top of it and her mother trying to hide whatever it was she was reading beneath the covers. They both had matching looks on their faces. Seemingly polite expressions which really in place to try and hide their surprise. They were both failing miserably at the hiding part.



Willow sighed and knew she was going to have to start the conversation seeing as though she was the one who had steered the family into previously uncharted territory. Tentatively she reached out a hand for the bed and then sat down right on the very corner. The way her parents inched further away from her made it seem as though she had sat right next to them.



“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you,” Willow started off simply once she had wriggled a little niche for herself on the corner of the bed.



“What is it dear?” her mother asked with a very concerned tone.



“Um…” come on Willow…it’s easy! “Uh…um…Mom, Dad…”



Her parents sitting in their bed seemed to be the scariest figures on earth, one in striped cotton pyjamas and a one in a frilly silk nightdress that was a hideous shade of apricot.



No it’s not easy!, Willow blurted out the first question that came into her head, “Mom, Dad, how were your days?”



Her parents looked at each other at precisely the same moment as though to telepathically ask each other, ‘is our daughter sane?’ They then looked back to her at precisely the same moment and Willow performed a Tara-like ducking of her head beneath their combined scrutiny. For any other child to ask their parents such a simple, mundane question it would be the start of a typical family conversation. For the Rosenberg’s however, it was the cause of some discomfort as they wondered how to respond.



Willow found a piece of duvet to play with as her parents stared at her, keeping her head down but looking at them from the corner of her eye. Her father had completely laid the paper down now and had turned his full attention to her.



“Well, my day was just fine thank you honey,” Ira replied, “You might be interested to know that we sealed the Carrington merger today. I tell you what, that young Hugh is a fine young man, I’m looking forward to taking him under my wing at work.”



“That’s great Daddy,” Willow said quickly before he father could continue gushing about Hugh.



Her mother was watching her reactions so very closely that Willow was worried she would see what she was thinking. She tried to steer her thoughts towards something that would keep her expression more neutral. Or is the very least, a little more guarded because she couldn’t help but think about Tara at every moment, even when it wasn’t quite appropriate. Not that she thought about kissing Tara at every moment of her day…she thought about holding her hand, stroking her soft skin, waking up next to her…Sheila appeared not to notice however.



“I had afternoon tea with Mrs Emmanuel Stein and she was saying that everyone she had spoken too since Friday night said that you were the most stunning girl in the room by a country mile,” Sheila said with a broad smile on her face, “And she also said that you and Hugh were a picture perfect couple, everyone was saying so!”



Willow looked at her mother’s smile and realised that at that moment her mother was more proud of her than she had ever been at any moment in her life. Including all those times Willow had received the lion’s share of prizes at school ceremonies. Moments that had meant the world to a young Willow apparently did not mean as much to her mother, not as much as finding the perfect match anyway. Willow let out a breath she hoped no one would notice but it ended up being a lot louder than she intended. Sheila picked it up immediately and sat up from the pillows, leaning closer to Willow.



“Honey, what’s wrong?” she asked and Willow could tell that she was genuinely sincere and it scared her to the point she wanted to run from the bedroom rather than answer that question.



Nothing’s really wrong as such…and yet…



So many things were wrong. Willow remembered the many times that she had wished her parents would ask her that one small question. Not out of any obligation but because they genuinely wanted to know what she felt and thought and was going through in her life.



I love Tara…



I want to go to college…



Willow knew that revealing to her parents the direction her life was taking would have been made so much simpler if they had taken an interest in her life before. That was it really…she wanted them to be there for her, to at least try and understand.



Is that it, do I want them to love me? They do don’t they? Of course my parents love me.



Willow knew that they did in a way that was unique to them. However, Willow also knew that it was a way that meant they would not accept her for what she was…they would accept her for what they wanted her to be.



“Willow,” her mother was saying as the thoughts played through Willow’s mind, “Willow?”



“Wha-what?” Willow looked up quickly.



“Willow are you sick?”



“N-No…sorry, just thinking a little too much.”



“There’s something you want isn’t there?” her father finally spoke up, asking the age-old question parents always asked their children.



He smiled and leaned forward in a position mimicking his wife’s as Willow shuffled in her perch on the edge of the bed.



“Well…yes there is,” Willow said quietly.



“Does Hugh want to take you out this weekend?” her father asked with something akin to a grin on his face, “Of course the answer is yes, provided he has you home by ten and we’ll want to know where he’s going to take you.”



Willow’s jaw dropped for a few moments before her anger crept stole up on her and burst out before she could rein it in,



“He asked you didn’t he?” Willow snapped at her father, “He asked you if he could take me out?”



“Well of course Willow, he was just securing my permission…very smart move if I might add…” Ira was surprised by her tone and moved quickly to defend himself.



“He is very polite you know,” Sheila added with a nod.



Willow bit her lip before she let her anger run away with her. She knew she would end up saying something she regretted and that was the last thing she wanted. She had never argued with her parents for any reason. There had never been any teenage rebellion in the Rosenberg household and Willow had often mused that her parents didn’t realise just how lucky they were.



“W-why are you so convinced that Hugh is the one for me?” Willow asked quietly, trying not to let her anxiety show through.



Her mother’s eyes widened and her mouth worked soundlessly for a few moments before she found her voice, “Why would you think he isn’t the one Willow?”



Because Tara is the only one for me, Willow answered simply in her head and just as simply to her mother, “I don’t love Hugh.”



“Well honey that’s nothing to worry about,” Sheila said in a relieved tone and Willow was so sure that she was going to add, “I don’t love your father but that hasn’t stopped us from being happy.”



Willow put a hand to her head and rubbed it for a few moments, she was getting a headache. She hadn’t ventured into her parents bedroom to talk about her non-existent relationship with Hugh.



“There is something I want to ask you both,” Willow tried again, determined to go through with it.



“Yes honey?” her father asked yet again.



“I’ve been thinking seriously about my plans for the future…and I’ve decided what I want to do…” Willow couldn’t bring herself to look at her parents faces as she continued, “I want to start the next semester at NYU.”



Willow realised she might as well have announced that she was gay when she saw the looks of pure shock on her parents faces. She had never mentioned college before so she had been expecting that it would come as something of a shock to them…but this? Her mother was speechless for a good minute, something Willow had never seen before. Usually Sheila had something to say in response to everything but now it was a soundless gape. Her father was just as shocked at first but as Willow watched him, his expression changed into something that shocked Willow. He removed his glasses and chewed on the end thoughtfully. Willow dared to feel a surge of hope.



“That’s preposterous!” Sheila finally found her voice, “Willow Rosenberg, please tell me you are not serious?”



“I am,” Willow replied simply.



“Well…you’re not going…Ira, tell her she’s not going!” her mother’s voice was quite shrill, verging on becoming hysterical.



Ira didn’t seem to be interested in what his wife was saying, instead he turned to Willow and regarded her carefully. It was as though he was seeing her in a new light.



“Your test scores are quite excellent honey…”



“Ira!” Sheila turned on her husband, “It’s ridiculous for someone like Willow to think about going to college, she has so much potential, she would be throwing all of that away.”



“And how would I fulfil my potential by not going to college?” Willow asked coolly, already knowing the answer.



“Hugh…” her mother began.



“So my only potential in life is to be married to a man you consider suitable and have his children and become the proper society wife…you’re saying my only potential is to become you.”



“W-well,” Sheila spluttered, “The only girls who go to college are those unable to catch a good man! You’re not one of those girls Willow, look at you…you’re attractive and well brought up and you have Hugh!”



“I don’t want Hugh!” Willow resisted the urge to stomp her foot.



“Sheila, I don’t see any problem with Willow going to college. I’m sure Hugh will understand…” her father began, doing his best to keep both women happy.



“This has got nothing to do with Hugh!” Willow stood up so quickly she felt a slight head rush.



All her life Willow had become the perfect little girl her parents wanted her to become and now she was beginning to pay for it. She stood at the foot of her parents bed, her mother’s face taking on a pink tint that clashed with her nightgown while her father had almost chewed through the end of his glasses. Her fists clenched at her sides, knuckles white with more frustration that anger.



“Why can neither of you see that I don’t want to spend my life being defined by a man. I don’t ever want to be Mrs Hugh Carrington,! A society wife with the perfect husband and perfect little family…” Willow hoped she hadn’t gone too far and she slowed herself down, “I just want to be me…I’m Willow, I want to be Willow.”



“And what just does being ‘you’ entail Willow?” Sheila asked what seemed to her to be a perfectly reasonable question.



“You’re supposed to be my mother, you tell me…oh wait, you wouldn’t know would you because you’ve never taken the time to get to know me!” Willow snapped.



“Is that a rebellious tone I hear Willow Rosenberg?” Sheila asked, her shrill voice now on the verge of tears.



Willow could see that she was going to get no further unless she started yelling and that would not take her in the direction she wanted to be.



“No, it’s not mother,” Willow replied quietly, “I’m going to bed…goodnight.”



She turned on her heels and walked out of the room, her pink dressing gown swirling angrily behind her. Willow wanted to slam the door shut but instead she closed it quietly with just the faintest click as it shut. As it shut she heard her parents begin to argue, her father’s voice so quiet she couldn’t hear what he was saying. Her mother had burst into tears, her voice so shrill Willow couldn’t hear her either.



With a last look at the door, Willow turned and walked back down the hallway in the direction of her room where she knew there would be a stuffed animal waiting for her.



*****



The door bell of the book store jingled, alerting Tara to the presence of yet another customer. She felt like letting out a groan of exasperation, the store had been far too busy for a Tuesday morning. It was most unnatural. However, when she looked up she saw the front door closing behind Willow. The redhead stood in front of the door for a few moments and stared at Tara. It took Tara only a split second to see the red-rimmed eyes and she found herself pushing the chair back from the desk. Tara crossed the short distance of floor space and came to stand in front of Willow. Gently, Tara drew Willow close for a few glorious seconds before she remembered that there were other customers in the store. They stepped back from one another…just two friends sharing a hug.



“I take it things didn’t go so well with your parents and the college chat?” Tara asked quietly.



Willow just shook her head.



Tara waited patiently as it appeared as though Willow would burst into tears. Willow dashed a hand across her eyes, obviously annoyed at her own self-pity and yet there was nothing she could do to stop it.



“What did they say?” Tara’s voice was soft, a caress in itself.



“The whole conversation played out as though I was already engaged to Hugh…as though somehow his feelings about the matter meant more than mine. Tara, I gave them every indication that I didn’t care for him at all but they still couldn’t see…do they not notice, do they not care that I don't even like the guy?”



“Baby, they care…it’s just that, well you know…they’re parents.”



“They’re driving me crazy.”



“Yeah, parents do that.”



“I just wish that they would listen…but they never have so I shouldn’t have hoped that they would this time…”



“Ah…Miss?” Tara spun around to see a customer waiting impatiently at the desk to purchase a book.



“Sorry sir!” Tara flashed a quick, reassuring smile for Willow as she went off to serve the customer, beginning with a polite apology, “So sorry to have kept you waiting, how can I help?”



Willow found a comfortable armchair that was luckily placed in the one patch of sun in the whole store and she curled up in it. As she sat with her knees tucked up beneath her, she watched Tara run up the sale. Even doing the simple tasks the girl was gorgeous.



For a girl who had never done a single household chore in her entire life, to suddenly start imaging doing them came as somewhat of a surprise. Willow found herself imagining washing and drying dishes with Tara even though she had never ever picked up a tea towel. Making their bed together or sitting down to a meal they had cooked…in their own home. She didn’t know where it came from but the image of a small cottage with a wide porch and a swing found its way into her mind. Quiet…surrounded by homey country gardens and a birdbath, there had to be a birdbath. Something small, simple and neat with just enough space for the two of them…Willow shook her head with a wry smile, what a glorious but foolish thought.



Tara interrupted her musings a few moments later when she rejoined her. With Tara, however, the interruption was never abrupt or unwelcome. The blonde knelt beside the armchair and placed both her hands on Willow’s arm, running a thumb lightly along her skin just to confirm that she was there.



“I’m sorry things didn’t go well,” she began quietly, “So, do you think you’ll be able to try and ask again?”



“Well, Daddy actually seemed to almost think it was a good idea,” Willow brightened slightly for a moment when she remembered the thoughtful look on her father’s face but it was gone as quickly as it had arrived, “But while he may run a multi-million dollar corporation with apparent ease…he balks in the face of family matters…I’m afraid that its up to my mother…and anything that doesn’t involve marriage to Hugh Carrington is not a good plan in her books.”



“And anything that does is definitely the worst plan in mine,” Tara whispered quietly.



Willow reached across her other hand and placed in securely over Tara’s, their fingers entwined tightly. They shared a brief moment, Willow sighed as she lost herself for a few wonderful moments in Tara’s gaze…In those moments everything was just fine…perfect really.



Tara was upset that there was nothing she could do to help Willow…she squeezed the redhead’s hand firmly. She could be there for her. And she would…always.



"I love you Willow."



Willow smiled, "Never going to get tired of hearing those words."



Tara rested her chin on Willow's forearm contently and would have remained like that for some time, gazing up at her girlfriend. However, she saw yet another customer approach the desk and wondered why everyone suddenly wanted to buy books on a Tuesday morning. She turned back to Willow,



“Willow, I really need to get back to work…if Mr Giles…I mean, I don’t think he would mind you being here but we’ve been so busy today and there’s so much to do…”



“Oh!” Willow went to stand up, “I’m sorry, I should have realised…”



“I didn’t mean for you to go,” Tara stopped her from standing with a gentle grip, she glanced around the shop at the browsing customers as though she wished she were able to snap her fingers and make them all go away, “Do you want to hang out here?…um, there are some inventories that Mr Giles wanted to be checked, it’s not the most exciting way to pass the time but…we’d be together…so…”



“I’d like that,” Willow replied quietly.





TBC in Chapter Twenty-three – “Understanding.”



*****

“It’s just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. Some people have dandruff. I have this appalling imagination…”

The Seven Year Itch.

KiwiAlcyone
 


Re: Chapter 22

Postby russ » Sun Mar 21, 2004 7:54 pm

Hi Alcy,



While I've been living on that particular hellmouth known as "home renovations," you've been very busy. Several new chapters to catch up on. I won't try to comment on them all, except to say: hey, you put our girls into the closet! I know it was intentional, and a sad comment on the way they must live their lives. These last couple of chapters are all about Willow's need to grow up and out from under her parents' domination. Good that she realizes it will only happen when she herself takes action. And yet, how convincingly you portray her terror when she attempts to stand up for herself.



There may be some hope that Ira will relent on the college issue, but no chance that Sheila will ever see Willow as other than an extension of herself. Perhaps the saddest words in the chapter are Sheila's declaration that she and Ira don't love each other, but are happy enough. This is all she knows, and therefore all she can envisage for her daughter.



I like Willow's "glorious but foolish thought" of a simple domestic life with Tara. Turning her back on her family and their wealth is her only way to achieve the freedom she needs. It will be difficult for her, but perhaps helping Tara in the bookstore is the first step.



Russ

russ
 


Re:Chapter 22

Postby blue and green wings » Sun Mar 21, 2004 9:22 pm

good thing i checked the board tonight, otherwise i would have missed a great update! man, i feel so bad for willow right now! her dad seems cool enough with the idea, even though he mentions hugh will understand. can't they see that willow doesn't like hugh? man, they must be blinded by society...anyways, i hope that the next time willow asks, she will be successful and be able to attened NYU!

Edited by: blue and green wings at: 3/21/04 8:23 pm
blue and green wings
 


Re: Re:Chapter 22

Postby Tempest Duer » Sun Mar 21, 2004 10:53 pm

Glad I'm on the desktop instead of the laptop now, or I would have thrown it. I honestly cannot stand that woman. I have to admit that I'm warming to Ira because now that he's got his merger he's not quite so keen on Willow and Hugh hooking up, but of course all Sheila cares about is Willow becoming her. *shudders* Your writing is excellent, otherwise I wouldn't be getting this incensed.

Saying that up is down will not make up, down.



~Gene Burns

Tempest Duer
 


Re: Chapter 22

Postby JustSkipIt » Mon Mar 22, 2004 6:48 am

Kiwi,

Great job with both chapters. I like the way Willow goes looking for Tara in her carefree party-way and then finally it hits her what has been going on for Tara for the last few hours. I feel like that conversation is a breakthrough for her.



What I like best about the college conversation is the way you depict the gulf between Willow and her parents. It seems that she isn't the only one aware that they aren't close. And if her parents are so blase about the fact that they don't love each other, no wonder they have never wanted to parent her. I mean: I expect to hear people say "we didn't love each other when we got married but we grew to ..." but her mother actually says "we don't love each other..." That's really sad and no wonder they don't parent Willow with attention or love. At the same time it doesn't seem to me that the cause is lost. Willow's father seems very favorable toward her idea.



One thing I like is the way you are increasingly depicting the girls' situations. It seems that while Tara is free, Willow is in a prison of her social situation. It's quite sad but I have confidence in you...





---

"Your little will can't do anything. It takes Great Determination. Great Determination doesn't mean just you making an effort. It means the whole universe is behind you and with you - the birds, trees, sky, moon, and ten directions." - Katagiri Roshi

JustSkipIt
 


Re: Chapter 22

Postby barnabasvamp » Mon Mar 22, 2004 12:32 pm

Wow, what an interaction Willow had with her parents! They just can't seem to understand her at all. They need a clue!



Poor Tara, having to hang back and try to support Willow.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.

barnabasvamp
 


Re: Chapter 22

Postby pikescoob » Mon Mar 22, 2004 8:51 pm

How the times have changed...parents tend to be excited/proud when their child wants to further their education...shedding tears of joy not disbelief/sadness. Willow kinda stuck it to her mom with the "becoming you" thing she said, cuz that's totally how it is and what her mother expects to happen. Thank you for the update *grin*



Michelle

pikescoob
 


Re: Chapter 22

Postby KiwiAlcyone » Wed Mar 24, 2004 9:19 pm

russ: I’m always busy. I’m just one of those people that is always on the go and I tend to get on a sugar high and get carried away writing, I really need to stop eating so many sweets!

The closet was sexy but really very sad and it was supposed to be both. W/T smoochies are always good but in this case it also makes us realise the manner in which they have to go about their relationship at the moment.

Willow is going to have to do a lot more growing up and she will be over the upcoming chapters.

Her father seems to be one of those hen-pecked husbands with Sheila really running the roost but perhaps he too might be able to stand up for what he wants for Willow.

I think that’s the first time I’ve had Willow daydream about what she wishes her life with Tara would be like. Despite being simple, it’s also perfect as long as they’re together.

blue and green wings: Thanks so much! I think Willow’s parents are the ones who are in love with Hugh, Being that Willow is their only child, they are really quite anxious to see her happily married to a fine young man and this definitely does blind them to how Willow feels about the situation. And yes, Willow at university will be very cool…let’s wait and see!

Tempest Duer: While I am not wanting this fic to be the cause of broken electrical appliances, I’m really glad that you’re enjoying my writing and the fact that I’ve got you so incensed! Excellent, insert evil grin here…

JustSkipit: The fact that Willow’s parents don’t love each other mean that they see no problem in Willow not loving Hugh. It would be very sad and painful for Willow to have to come to grips with this revelation from Sheila. And the cause is certainly not lost... ;)

And you make a really good point about Tara having more freedom than Willow. Now that she has found Willow, she has been able to break away from her family and find a niche for herself in which she can be happy. Willow on the other hand, has found Tara and is trying to break free from her family or rather, who her family want her to be, but is finding it much more difficult.

In a way Tara stood up for herself by running away which made it easier for her…Willow doesn’t want to do it that way because she still believes that her friends and family will accept her no matter what.

Whew, thanks so much for the vote of confidence, definitely feeling inspired here

barnabasvamp: While it appeared to be Tara who was going to have the more difficult time on her return to New York, Willow is the one who has to try and break free of her social mould and naturally Tara is going to be there for her no matter what.

pikescoob: I know what you mean! My parents are willing to inflict a three hour graduation ceremony on themselves just to see me on stage for a few seconds to get my degree…I don’t think that’s the happy future that Sheila is imagining for Willow. She’s far more concerned about her daughter ending up an old spinster rather than happily married asap.



Yay for Pens for being such a cool place to share W/T love. Thanks everyone so much for reading. :kiss It’s definitely a huge encouragement to know that people are enjoying this fic and I really hope that I can do you all justice as I continue. I promise much smooching and little angst…hang on, I’ve just spent all morning writing nothing but angst…there are smoochies coming I promise! :whistle



-Alcy :angel

“It’s just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. Some people have dandruff. I have this appalling imagination…”

The Seven Year Itch.

KiwiAlcyone
 


Re: Chapter 22

Postby Tempest Duer » Wed Mar 24, 2004 9:28 pm

Don't worry, I haven't broken anything.

Saying that up is down will not make up, down.



~Gene Burns

Tempest Duer
 


Re: Chapter 23

Postby KiwiAlcyone » Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:48 pm

Tempest Duer: I'm glad for the unbrokeness but I'm still trying with the incensing and all.



Note: I don't usually do the whole note thing but I feel this part warrants one just to say that I'm exploring something here that's kinda painful and it sucks but it's what I had in mind all along so please bear with me.



Chapter Twenty-three – “Understanding.”





Although Willow Rosenberg was a girl of many talents, singing had certainly never been one of them. While Willow was quite willing to admit to this, she would never go as far as to demonstrate for anyone. Yet tonight for some strange reason she was feeling particularly musical and unencumbered by silly inhibitions and her lack of talent. The volume on her favourite Frankie Avalon record was turned up as high as her record player would allow as she sang along with great gusto. She was quite glad that her parents were out attending yet another charity dinner or else this would add to their list of strange Willow behaviour. Firstly, disappearing from a ball before the dancing had even finished for the night. Sheila and Ira hadn’t completely fallen for her flimsy excuse about not feeling well, normally Willow’s legs would have to give way before she left the dance floor. Secondly and far more disturbingly was her sudden request to attend college. A request that had sparked off an intense debate between husband and wife. It was the first time Willow could remember her parents arguing about anything, usually her father just acquiesced to her mother’s wishes without complaint.



She was sure that if her parents heard her singing aloud it would be the last straw and they would demand to know what had come over her. Willow knew full well what it was. The reason had everything to do with a certain blonde and the way her feelings towards said blonde caused her to do the darndest things.



She finished the last song on an exuberant high note, raising her hands to the ceiling before collapsing onto her bed after the final flourish. The bed bounced a few times beneath the sudden weight and Willow stretched back on her bed, head snuggled securely amongst the abundance of pillows at its head. Late afternoon sun drifted in the window and fell across the bed in warm strips. Willow sought out a full sunbeam and curled so that it fell across her entire body.



A state of silence, and normality, had been restored much to the relief of the serving staff who happened to be in that wing of the house. Willow’s mind quickly reverted to its busy state, working overtime, playing out the events of the past week. Mostly her thoughts were torn between pleasant images of being with Tara and far more unpleasant thoughts of her disastrous attempt at conversation with her parents. When her thoughts drifted towards Tara she felt the familiar stirrings of warmth in her belly that really made her wish that Tara was there. Yet her mother’s shrill, angry voice always brought her straight back to reality and an awful feeling of guilt replaced the warmth in the pit of her stomach. It was no contest as to which she preferred and yet she felt as though she couldn’t have one without the other.



She loved Tara…they were together…but it was by no means that simple.



Willow knew she couldn’t go on like this. She was deceiving her parents by keeping her relationship with Tara a secret. It wasn’t fair on them and it certainly wasn’t fair on Tara.



But to tell them…



Willow sighed. She wasn’t so sure that she was up to that just yet…or ever would be for that matter. Every time she had begun to play out the conversation in her head, her stomach had tied itself in tight knots.



She rolled over onto her side, curled in a foetal position. As she played absently with the nose of one of her teddy bears her eyes strayed to her walls. Willow frowned at the all too familiar images of her childhood idols stared back at her. Frankie Avalon was winking as though he had just shared a personal secret with her, Elvis held his microphone with a look that had ‘hey baby,’ written all over it. For the first time since she had returned from Paris, she wondered why she still kept the images on her walls. Willow sat up and stared at Elvis…he was such a…well, such a man! Willow cocked her head to one side as she studied the young man.



Why do I have pictures of guys all over my walls?



For a good few minutes, Willow’s face appeared to be frozen in a permanent frown as her busy mind ran away with her again. Okay…I’m in love with another woman, so that makes me a lesbian right? So I don’t like guys…ew, no of course I don’t like guys. Especially not when his name is Hugh Carrington. So I like women in general? But there’s just one…just Tara… For the first time she wished she had someone to talk to…explain a few things that she didn’t understand. Willow had dated a few guys before, even kissed them…well, one of them had tried to kiss her and she had expertly deflected the sloppy lips on to her cheek rather than her lips. Of course she had felt nothing of the magic she felt with Tara. Did that mean she had always been attracted to girls? Willow propped her chin up in her hands and wondered if she ought to put up posters of Grace Kelly or Marilyn Monroe.



Now that would be a good conversation starter with my parents…if they ever actually came into my room…which they don’t…so that wouldn’t work…



No, posters just seemed so juvenile…Willow swung her feet onto the floor…they were juvenile. She crossed to her desk and the Elvis poster hanging above it. Sliding the chair out from under her desk she clambered on top of it and in one swift motion she ripped the poster from the wall. Small corners of paper still remaining where the tacks held them down. Willow looked at the crumpled up piece of paper in her hand and then back to the bare space on the wall.



Some minutes later, Willow was left with a pile of paper in her trash basket, a pile of tacks on her desk and very sore fingers after picking each of the aforementioned tacks from her walls. Bare walls greeted her from all sides…empty, waiting for something new.



Willow was musing over her new career as a decorator when there was a soft knock on her door, she frowned as she went to open it. The door swung back and she came face to face with Buffy, the blonde looking down at her feet. Willow’s heart gave a small leap and she started to grin. The grin had barely formed when Buffy looked up at her with an expression on her face Willow had never seen. Her eyes were red rimmed, as though she had been crying recently and there was a hint of anger around her tight set lips. Willow was scared as to what it meant, as to what Buffy was feeling. Her fingers tightened on the door frame, needing something solid to hold on to.



The seconds stretched into minutes and they were still staring at each other in silence. Both waiting for the other to speak and yet neither being able to choose the words even if they wanted to.



Willow turned away and gulped in a breath before she faced Buffy.



“Buffy,” her best friend’s name sounded strange on her lips, as though she were saying it for the first time.



Buffy remained in the doorway, her toes poised on the threshold as though there were some invisible barrier preventing her from stepping over it.



“Willow,” Buffy’s voice sounded strained, as though she were fighting back tears.



More time elapsed as they stood staring at one another. Willow just wanted to throw her arms around her best friend, hugging her close. However she knew that was far from the best idea in the circumstances. She had no idea how Buffy was feeling.



Buffy cleared her throat, “Um, Joe let me in…I would have called first but I was so worried that I would just find an excuse to not come. Just say the word and I’ll go if you don’t want me here…”



“No!” Willow raised a hand towards Buffy, stretching out to her, “I mean…don’t go…please.”



“Believe me…I’d like nothing better than to go,” Buffy admitted quietly, “But I needed to talk to you, my exit last time we spoke was somewhat sudden…”



“You want to come in?” Willow asked slowly, Buffy’s words not exactly instilling her with confidence.



Buffy nodded and walked in to Willow’s room. She looked around and immediately noticed the absence of posters on the walls. She didn’t say anything and took a seat on the corner of the bed, crossing her ankles demurely.



Willow pulled out the chair from her desk and sat opposite her, a good distance away so she wasn’t crowding Buffy. Buffy cleared her throat yet again, as though she kept choking up,



“Buffy…”



“Willow,” Buffy interrupted Willow before she could say another word, “I can here to say what has been on my mind ever since you told me…well, what you told me…please can i just talk?”



“Okay...sure,” Willow replied quietly.



Buffy shifted uncomfortably, crossing and uncrossing her legs. Willow felt as though she were waiting for the firing squad to pull the trigger...knowing that it would come eventually but not the exact moment. Buffy looked as though she were remembering something and a small smile even flickered across her face before it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.



“I remember…” Buffy began quietly, “I remember the first night you stayed over at my house when we were seven. What an adventure it was…we had a tea party with soda and ice cream and were so both so sick from eating too much. You never could say no to ice cream. Then the next morning we were eating breakfast with my parents, I passed you the bacon and you said you couldn’t eat it. I told you that you were weird, not quite being able to get my mind around the whole being Jewish thing. My Mom sat me down later that day after you had gone home crying and explained that your family was a little different but you were still Willow…you were still my best friend. You were Jewish…so you were a little different than me, I could accept that,” Buffy bit her lip, searching for the right words to say, “But the other week when you told me you were…you were a….well, you were what you are…I couldn’t quite get my mind around it at all. I mean, you’re Willow…you’re my best friend and suddenly you’re telling me that you’re one of those kind of people…what am I supposed to say?”



“One of those kind of people? What do you mean by that?” Willow had to say something, “Buffy, I am still Willow and always will be…”



“You like girls Willow!” Buffy burst out and stood again, pacing to the window and spinning back around to face a distraught Willow, “You like them in a way you shouldn’t!”



Willow’s jaw dropped at the surprisingly vehemence in Buffy’s voice, “You’re saying that you think it’s wrong?”



“Look Willow, I-I’m sure she’s a very nice girl but…”



“But? It’s still wrong?” Willow felt tears stinging her eyes and she fought to keep them away, Buffy thinks that I’m wrong…Buffy…



“How can it be right?” Buffy replied.



“How can it not be?” Willow said, thinking of the beautiful, blue-eyed blond that held her heart, “I love her Buffy.”



Willow choked on the tears that finally began to flow, running unchecked down her face. Her shoulders shook as she sobbed, wishing like crazy that Tara was there to hold her. Buffy crossed the floor, moving a little closer as though she wanted to comfort her but couldn’t quiet make the last few steps. She stretched out her hand but it was something of a futile gesture as there were still meters apart. Buffy quickly drew her hand back and looked towards the door as though she wanted to leave very quickly.



“Can’t you just forget about her…tell her you never want to see her again…and then everything will be back to normal. Everything will be just fine again…you, me…just like it’s always been. Two classy dolls driving all the guys wild…of course, you’re already driving one wild…Will, Hugh is such a catch…”



Willow gritted her teeth and dashed her tears away, feeling incredibly stupid for bursting into tears at the slightest provocation.



“Why is it that everyone is blind when it comes to Hugh? He may very well be the nice young man that everyone says he is but I don’t love him…I don’t even like him very much. Buffy, you know me…you’ve known me for most of my life…can’t you tell…can’t you see that it’s not what I want?”



“You’re being selfish Willow, it’s not like you…you know as well as I do that you have a duty to your family to marry well and yet you choose this…girl? You’d choose her over your family, over me?”



Willow’s tears had long since been replaced by a seething anger that she was trying to keep in check. She frowned at Buffy’s words, giving voice to the thought that had surfaced in her mind,



“You’re jealous? Of Tara?”



Buffy spluttered and quickly retorted in the manner of one who has been found out, “No!”



“Buffy, no,” Willow pleaded, “Tara’s my girlfriend and I love her…but that doesn’t mean I’ve suddenly stopped loving you, you’re my best friend…and I need you but after hearing what you’ve been saying today, I’m not so sure I want you to be. You really feel that way…that I’m being selfish?”



“Well you are,” Buffy replied matter-of-factly.



“I’ve spent my entire life being what other people have wanted me to be, the perfect daughter…the perfect friend…”



“Isn’t that a good thing?” Buffy replied quickly.



“Not when it doesn’t make me happy.”



“And this girl…Tara, does?” Buffy almost spat the other blonde's name, causing Willow to flinch in shock.



“Yes Buffy!” Willow replied, Oh Buffy, you have no idea just how happy I am when I’m with her “So unbelievably happy. When I’m with her I can really be me…she loves me for who I am, not what everyone thinks I ought to be. And I feel things, things I never felt around any guy I might have dated, she makes me…”



“Ugh! I don’t want to know!” Buffy shuddered and turned away to face in the opposite direction.



Willow's eyes widened at the noise of disgust that came from Buffy, it was far more damaging than any word she could have said. Willow hugged herself tightly, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort, the last thing she wanted to do was to burst into tears again. Yet she was out of words. Willow knew exactly how she felt towards Tara…the intensity of the love that she knew they shared.



She knew it was for real…and that it was right.



However try as she might she could not convey those feelings to Buffy in a way that her best friend would understand. In a way that would break through the hardened social stigma and reach the part of Buffy that had always accepted her no matter what. Willow was beginning to think that she would never be able to reach her and that thought saddened her more than any amount of hurtful and insulting words that Buffy could ever say to her.



Willow stood, feeling her legs a little shaky beneath her, she looked at Buffy’s back.



“I’m really sorry that you can’t accept this Buffy…but no matter what you say…”



“I know how stubborn you are Willow, I’ve been on the receiving end of it so many times. I just thought that if I came and talked to you that you would see what you were doing to yourself…what are you going to do when people find out? When your parents find out?”



“I don’t know,” Willow replied in a small voice, “I’m terrified…”



Buffy turned around when she noticed the tremor in Willow’s voice and for a few moments she wanted to throw her arms around the redhead. She took a quick step back before she gave in to those impulses, throwing a quick glance to check that the door was still there.



“So that’s it?” Buffy said quietly.



“That’s what?” Willow asked, her heart sinking.



Buffy felt as though she had been stabbed as she watched the devastated expression take hold of Willow’s features, her lip trembling unconsciously. Oh no you don’t Willow Rosenberg, Buffy thought angrily, Don’t you even start with the lip trembling…but oh god she needs me…I can’t walk out on her…no…leave Buffy, just leave. Without a further word she walked, or rather ran, out of the room. Willow wasn’t about to let her go so easily. She ran to her door as Buffy made her hasty retreat,



“Buffy please stop!”



“You do whatever you want Willow, seeing as you’re suddenly so good at it,” Buffy turned, walking backwards for a few paces to give Willow one last, sad look.



She turned again and kept walking, Willow watched her as she disappeared down the stairs. A weak protest was forming on her lips, something was telling her to run after Buffy. She wouldn’t let her leave until Buffy said that everything was alright between them…or at least gave her hope that it would be someday. She couldn’t let her go like that.



Willow took a step forward but found that she lacked the willpower to even move let along mount a convincing argument along the lines of the ones that she had already tried and failed miserably with.



She turned back into her bare-walled room and weakly gave the door a shove so that it closed shut behind her. Willow made a few more shaky steps across the room, not quite knowing where she was headed, then she felt her legs give out from beneath her. She fell to the floor heavily in a small heap as those annoying tears started up. This time there was nothing to stop her, she wasn’t crying in front of anyone, she was alone in more ways than one. Drawing her knees to her chest she hugged them to her tightly, resting her chin on her arms.



How long she sat like that, Willow couldn’t tell. She just held herself, rocking back and forth gently as the tears flowed. Her shoulders heaved as she sobbed, soaking the sleeves of her shirt.



All she wanted was to go to Tara, find the haven in the blonde’s warm embrace that she knew would be waiting for. Willow shook her head stubbornly, Tara would not know if she didn’t tell her…Willow gulped in a huge lungful of air, Tara would know…not only would she not be able to keep it from her…Tara would know that something was up…



When she was all cried out and her chest burnt painfully, Willow dragged herself to her bed and curled up on it. She closed her eyes, feeling the crusty dried tears on her cheeks. The sun still fell across her body but it was no longer warm.



TBC in Chapter Twenty-four – ‘Uncertainties.’



*****

"It's just my imagination. Some people have flat feet. Some people have dandruff. I have this apalling imagination." The Seven Year Itch

KiwiAlcyone
 


Re: Chapter 23

Postby Tempest Duer » Thu Mar 25, 2004 9:39 pm

*sigh* Buffy's still being all non-accepting gal still, eh? Oh well... she'll come around eventually, because we all know that Willow's not going to leave the love of her life for some spoiled rich boy.



Not incensed by this chapter because it wasn't incensing, but whatever right?

Saying that up is down will not make up, down.



~Gene Burns

Tempest Duer
 


Re: Chapter 23

Postby blue and green wings » Thu Mar 25, 2004 10:08 pm

man, i'm :angry @ buffy....she's being stoopid. i can't believe she can't c that willow is in love with tara. :rage !! i hope that buffy will come to her sense and act on what she was feeling: to go out and hug willow. i'll do that if buffy won't!! hopefully tara will be able to comfort willow and help her talk w/ buffy!! update soon!


If someone like you/ Found somone like me/ Then suddenly/ Nothing would ever be the same/ My heart would take wing/ And I'd feel so alive/ If someone like you/ Found me...
"Someone Like You" from the musical Jekyll and Hyde

Edited by: blue and green wings at: 3/25/04 9:08 pm
blue and green wings
 


Re: Chapter 23

Postby TemperedCynic » Fri Mar 26, 2004 12:27 am

Very powerful stuff. A best friend who cannot accept Willow being with Tara - a girl with another girl. So many times this scenario has played out in real life. Friends drift apart, ties are broken and lives are changed. We so often consentrate on the love here at the Pens, that such negativity tends to be diluted. Real life shows that negativity to be in full force 24x7. Willow must move on, leaving old friendships behind. So it has been for generations.


More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen (1935 - )

TemperedCynic
 


Re: Chapter 23

Postby hot monkey luv 66 » Fri Mar 26, 2004 11:22 am

:wave hiya! :flirt

I haven't commented in a while but I haven't forgotten about this fic! it's really really great and I can't wait for another update! :heart . And Buffy's being a major bitch :fit :sob :no I wanted to cry! :( I hope :willow 's parents let her go off to college. and Buffy understands that :willow :love 's :tara !!! RRg.! :angry stupid buffy. *goes off to pout in a corner* Update soonish? :bounce :bounce :bounce :bounce :bounce :bounce :pinky :kitty :pinky :kgeek :letter :dumbo :bounce :eatme :eatme :banana :banana :bigwave



all these emoticons are prob. giving you a headache by now.



:kgeek -monkeyluv--

hot monkey luv 66
 

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