Niobe's Silence (updated 7/16/05)

[terra21]

I totally kept up with the conversation with herself. Is that bad? Keep up the good work!





terra

Continuous Train of Thought

[hidden watson]

We all have little voices in our heads, but for the different personalities to be so distinct suggests to me how desperately needy and lonely Willow is. I won't be surprised if Tara finds out that the trauma in the teacher's lounge was not the only trauma, just the straw that broke the camel's back. She's worked it out herself, really

Quote:

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You are the only one that can do anything about your situation.

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Wonder how long and what it will take for the different personalities to decide to heed their own words. Will Tara be the trigger?



Pleased to know that even in her state, she noticed and reacted to Tara:

Quote:

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You've only known this woman for a few hours and you're already smell stalking her?

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quiet thoughts

[sam darls]

Amazing update as usual . Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[xonethousandtears08x]

I for one thought the conversation was humerous, but hey thats just me.



Anyways, great update. Keep up the good work.

[wimpy0729]

Hiya Emma!



Willow's inner battle is raging and I loved it. At the risk of being repetitive, I loved the smell stalking part. The sense of scent can be powerful and evoke many feelings, thoughts and memories. Maybe her senses can be awoken, help her reach deeper, thus help her dig her way out.



And I loved how you brought out the fact that when she looked at herself she realized she looked lifeless to others, but Tara did not see her that way. That is very promising just in the fact that Willow knew it.



Another great job. And yay for more updates on the way. You always make my day!



Wimpy

[stillrunning]

Ok so in a wierd way that was kind of cute. It's nice to see that Willow is still well...Willow. Now she just needs to get a move on with the whole 'moving and talking' thing. And obviously since she's already 'smell stalking' Tara, what better person to motivate her then the blonde one herself?!

"Heaven's not a place that you go when you die...it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive"

[Irishgrl3]

Willow brain was pretty cool. Glad to see that there are things going on in there. I think you wrote it perfect! Looking forward to more W&T interaction.



-anna

[pikescoob]

It's great to know there's some action going on in her head and that she's sorta conscious about people around her. She likes Tara already, really cool *grin* Even though she's seemingly lost to the outside world, it's good to know that Willow is still there deep down.



**Michelle

"these wounds won't seem to heal,

this pain is just too real,

there's just too much that time cannot erase"--Evanescence (My Immortal)

[lil fled]

I liked the way she talks to herself.



"That's the facts Jack"



Very well written and well, it just read itself very naturally... keeping it a bit light with the joking when it's a heavy subject for Willow in fact (and all of us cuz we feeeeel for Will!). Very BTVS which I think is . Great convo.







(If that didn't make sense, just ignore me )

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"I'm realistic about love. People shape love into what they

want love to be and it always bounces back to its natural

shape and smashes you out of the way."

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Whew! *swipes hand across forehead* as of this update I will have updated three of my current stories within the last for days...that's an update everyday.. My fingers hurt. I hope you all enjoy this one. After I post this I'll be doing individual replies.



All Disclaimers Apply





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After my visit with Willow I wasn't able to bring myself to go back to The Center and I wasn't ready to go home right away. Instead, I went down to the hospital cafeteria. I bought an apple juice and settled myself down at one of the empty tables. I spent the remainder of the afternoon scribbling notes about my meeting with Willow onto the yellow legal pad I always used just for that purpose. There was nothing too critical to relay. So what I ended up writing was a list of symptoms I'd observed. This really wasn't my field. I worked with children, and it had become quickly apparent to me that Willow was no child.



One thing that I could conclude with confidence from this initial meeting with willow wasn't elective mutism. I don't know how I knew I just knew. My mother always said that I should follow my intuition because it would lead me to the truth, That message was so ingrained into my psyche that I could do nothing but go with it. Willow hadn't seemed to be ignoring me as much as it was almost as if she couldn't speak.



I exhaled, this did not sit well with me. If it was true that her condition wasn't psychological I would have to turn her case over to someone more qualified. I wasn't a medical doctor. heck I was barely a professional...And there was no shortage of people willing to point this out.



I was quite used to not being taken seriously. Being 16 when I was accepted into the University of Sunnydale I was fairly young when I graduated. It seemed like a good way at the time to get out from under my fathers all too oppressive rule at home. And I guess it was. The only drawback being that I always got the "I thought you'd be older or Aren't you too young to be a psychologist?" Mostly from colleagues, but on occasion those words came from the parents of the children in my care.



I looked down at my attire. I was hardly the dress up type. No business suits and high heals for me. I was more of a jeans and sweatshirt kind of girl, Even when I wore skirts they were of the casual variety.. But then again, working with children, I had to dress somewhat comfortably. I was starting to reconsider my current dress code. Maybe I'd make an attempt to look nicer...



I look down at my watch. It's 5:30. I figure I should probably head home. I gather my things off of the table and slip the pile of papers back into the satchel. Miss Kitty is probably running the walls by now, it's way past her dinner time.

On impulse I, pulled the black day-planner out of the bag, I flipped through the pages until I came to the page assigned for tomorrow's events. I scanned the page, there was nothing too terribly important...I could see that I had one child in the morning, but that was the only thing that couldn't be shifted around. Taking a black pen out of my purse, I scratched a line through the rest of the day's appointments, and below wrote Willow's name. Tomorrow I would spend the majority of the day with the red-head.

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I speak but nobody listens. They just go lalala about their day like I'm not even here. I look out the window, I'ts sunny again. There's a light breeze blowing the clouds around. Stirring them like mush in a bucket. Buckets are fun; cause with the handles and you can put stuff inside. I hate when that happens. I cant seem to get my thoughts to line up single file. What day is it? I try to think back and try to place the previous days into the right slots. It would help if there was a calender or something then I wouldn't have to keep track in my head. I'm going to lodge a complaint one of these days. or maybe if I ever learn to float something bigger than a pencil I'll conjure myself a calender. Some days are better than others for the remembering, some days I even know what day it is, then they come with the paper cup of pills and things slur away again. I slip away again. It always happens that way. I can do nothing but sit here and stare out the damned window. I'm really going to have to try harder not to swallow those pills, but they dissolve so quickly, it's hard to spit them out in time. I'ts hard to do anything in time...



Some guy is feeding me this awful tasting yogurt.. At least that's what I think it is. Actually, you can't really be sure here...everything sort of tastes the same.



He looks like his name is dirk or something equal to that. I wish he'd slow down with the spoon though, because he keeps hitting me in the mouth with it. I'm pretty sure he thinks he has better things to do with his time. I wish he'd go and do them.



I hear something and my attention is perked. though I can't turn my head in the direction of the elevators, I know she's there. I can feel her. She's coming. She's walking toward me now, but they've come already with their pills and I can't respond. I worry a little that she will see Dirk shoveling yogurt into my mouth...That's what I've decided to call him. I don't want her to see me like that, with it dripping down my chin. I do my best to keep my mouth shut but he's still forcing the spoon between my lips.

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I was ten minutes early as I exited the elevator. It dinged on the tenth floor and the doors opened with a swish. I stepped out into the sterilized hallway and the smell of bathroom cleaner assaults my senses. I hate this smell, It reminds me of the last months of my mothers life. I feel nauseated and want to throw up, but I suppress the urge and make my way down the small hallway.



Willow is in her usual chair at the window, only there was someone else with her this time. I saw right away that he was wearing the standard hospital attire worn by all the nurses. As I got closer I could see that he was spoon feeding Willow something that looked like yogurt. I was taken aback by the manor in which he was doing it. His arm was moving in a rather harsh manor so that he was practically forcing the goop into Willow's mouth. I nearly lost it. But I kept myself in check, I'd have to handle thing in the appropriate way, instead of tossing him through the nearest window as my intuition told me to do.



I didn't like to make a habit of interfering with people doing their job, but I couldn't just stand there while this nurse treated Willow so roughly. I cleared my throat to announce my presence. The male nurse looked in my direction. "I can do that." I said. He said nothing, but continued with what he had been doing. "I can do that..." I said again in the most professionally pleasant tone of voice i could manage. I wanted to remain calm, but if he didn't give me that spoon immediately...well, I didn't want to think about what I might do.



"Listen lady...I can't just let anybody...."



I flashed my clearance pass and he abruptly closed his mouth. Any other protests he might have had died right there in his throat. He gave me a weary glance before finally relinquishing the plastic container and spoon.



"hey, whatever....lady..."



He seemed a little disgruntled by my interruption, but I didn't care.



"Hi Willow" I said softly. Sitting down next to her. I read the words on the container. "Strawberry...and hey look it's organic..." I turned the container so Willow could appreciate the fact that there were no pesticides in the concoction. She didn't look however. "Do you want some more of this?" I asked examining the contents. It looked too smooth to be organic...I had the distinct thought that there should be more chunks in there somewhere. It looked rather ooky to me, but I had no way of knowing if Willow thought so as well.



I lifted some of the yogurt onto the plastic spoon and brought it to the red head's mouth. "Come on sweetie..." I urged, trying gently to get the spoon passed Willow's impossibly closed lips. Not knowing what else to do, I brushed the tip of my finger against her jaw. I was hoping the contact would relax the muscles and allow the spoon to pass. I preferred this technique to the way the nurse had been jabbing the spoon into her mouth without regard to how Willow might be feeling.



The contact had it's desired affect, Willow's mouth went slack and I was able to slip it easily inside her mouth, but once there I was confronted with another problem. Willow was doing nothing with the yogurt in her mouth. I lifted up gently on her chin and her mouth closed, but she made no move to swallow the yogurt in her mouth. Not knowing what else to do, I waited. She'd have to swallow eventually and eventually she did. 15 minutes later I saw her throat flex and I knew she had swallowed the yogurt. "Do you want another bite?" this went on for the next hour; bite after bite, interrupted by 15 minutes intervals between swallows. I didn't mind. though, even if we spent the whole day on this one cup of yogurt it would be a day well spent.





TBC

Edited by: MissKittys Ball O Yarn at: 2/8/05 10:45 pm

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Jeanne



I'm glad you didn't find the conversation confusing. hehe..I can see where Willow would be at a loss for words to describe in which exact way Tara is beautiful...there are so many things to list...



You're too sweet. And you updated your fic for me so Yay!



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Cyd discombobulated? That doesn't sound good... perhaps you need a caffeinated beverage? that always helps me recalibrate my combobulation.



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lil c thanks....yes the conversation was sad...but in a very funny way.



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Grimlock



you make many good points, especially about the events in the lounge being the sole trigger to Willow's condition. I actually haven't decided on that yet....But when I do you will be the first to know



As for Willow being aware of the world around her and the boredness that was sure to accompany her awareness...I think maybe there will be many interesting consequences to that much boredom... I wander what they are...



hehe about the title... In Greek mythology Niobe was a woman that was so sad and cried so much that she turned to stone, but her tears still flowed. Sad...but fitting I think... There's more to the story, but it doesn't fit within the context of my story.



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watersong hehe thanks on all accounts. I'm glad that you weren't confused by the conversation...for a minute, while i was writing it I started to have strong doubts that I would be able to pull it off in an effective way. It's nice to know that everyone has been getting it.

thank you for your thoughts.



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terra No not bad....lets just hope that your ability to keep up with Willow's internal dialog isn't the symptom of something ....serious... (just kidding....It's probably nothing....)



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Hidden watson



I assume the loneliness is a side effect of the ....um...being alone...not in the literal sense...but being alone with herself. Being unable to talk must be horrible for her, I guess it's normal that she would sort of form someone to talk to...even if it's just another aspect of herself.



I think Tara will definitely act as a reason for Willow to get better. I think maybe all it will take is for Willow to want to be better....



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Sam Darls thank you sweetie.



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onethousandtears lol no, not just you...a lot of people seem to be thinking the same thing.



thank you for the feedback sweetie



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Wimpy



hehe...smell stalking...it's my favorite sport! I think it should be recognized by the national board of something...



I'm so happy you liked the update.



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stillrunning



yes, willow does need to get a move on...but I think Tara will be just the inspiration she needs.



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anna Thank you sweetie. I hope you like the next update I just posted as well...



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Michelle right on point sweetie. I don't think it would be a very captivating story if our Willow wasn't in there somewhere... Even though she's going through something, she's still Willow...



Im glad you liked the update, and thank you for leaving feedback.



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lil fled hehe you make me with all the nice talk. Thank you. I'm glad you liked the conversation, it seemed to go over well...and no one was confused...so yay.



you made perfect sense.



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xoxo

Emms

Edited by: MissKittys Ball O Yarn at: 2/8/05 4:27 pm

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Awwe... Shuyaku I'm sorry, I didn't mean to depress you...now I'm depressed that you're depressed...



I think Tara was feeding her the yogurt because she doesn't know what Willow likes to eat and I assume that she figures Willow's not swallowing is a reaction to her condition...But in any event Willow needs to eat and if she didn't feed her...Dirk the male nurse might be apt to come back and finish the job.



I'm glad you are having no problem following the story..I think I've finally got into the groove of writing it and making it comprehensive.

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I think you're right onethousandtears Tara feeding Willow was indeed cute and sweet and all those sugary words. thanks for reading.





xoxo

Emms

I can wax philisophically on a variety of different subjects...that doesn't,however, mean that I have anything constructive to add to the conversation.

--- Me

Edited by: MissKittys Ball O Yarn at: 2/8/05 4:58 pm

[Grimlock72]

If your fingers hurt (from typing: --> ) you really are working too hard. Can't have a kitten overworking herself so take care to REST and RELAAAAAAX



It's interesting Tara wants to devote almost an entire day to seeing Willow, while she doesn't have any really idea WHAT she wants to do or try. I'm not an instinct-person myself, I prefer books and theories... more like Willow so to say



Willow appears to blame the pills for at least part of her condition. Assuming her admitence to the hospital went according to normal procedure however, she had problems before she ever got those pills.



Why does she need to take pills anyway ? With or without pills she doesn't talk, so what else does she do if she doesn't get her pills ??



It was sweet that Tara fed her, yet it did make me wonder why Willow didn't want to open her mouth for food even for Tara...



I liked Willow's thoughts in this update too, very Willow-ish with the 'tralalala' and such .



Most of all I wonder why she is on those medications though...



Grimmy

--
"You hurt Tara," Willow said too calmly. "The last one who tried that was a god. I made her regret it." -- Unexpected Consequences by Lisa of Nine

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Grimlock hi there.... Grimmy says RELAAAAAAX? so I will.

Quote:

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It's interesting Tara wants to devote almost an entire day to seeing Willow, while she doesn't have any really idea WHAT she wants to do or try. I'm not an instinct-person myself, I prefer books and theories... more like Willow so to say

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I think Tara's coming at it from the prospective of ..I'm involved in this, and I have no idea what to do...but instead of doing nothing she is driven to do something...even if it's spending time with Tara. It's doubtful that Tara will be able to help her anyway...I think this is more of a journey that Willow has to make herself. That does't have to stop Tara from being the good incentive that pushes willow into action though

Quote:

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Willow appears to blame the pills for at least part of her condition. Assuming her admittance to the hospital went according to normal procedure however, she had problems before she ever got those pills.

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true, but we have yet to find out exactly what problems she had before she was admitted to the hospital..all we know is what she's been like in the hospital.

Quote:

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It was sweet that Tara fed her, yet it did make me wonder why Willow didn't want to open her mouth for food even for Tara...

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Im not so sure that it's because she didn't want to, but her body seems to be slow to react to things where as her mind is quick. Even though she knew it was Tara feeding her, it took her body a moment to catch up with that change.



I'm glad you like Willow's characterization...I'm trying to keep her very willow while still keeping in mind the state of her mind and what she would be going through because of everything that has happened.



thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback...you actual help me with the plot a lot cause you force me to think about the whys and wherefores of the things I write. thank you again.



xoxo

Emms

I can wax philisophically on a variety of different subjects...that doesn't,however, mean that I have anything constructive to add to the conversation.

--- Me

[shuyaku]

Okay - so just so you know I had absolutely no problem following who was speaking (or thinking as the case may be). So no need to worry about that



I'm completely out of my experiences, but why does Tara continue to feed Willow the yogurt? Does she think she is not swallowing because she can't? Maybe Tara can try another food to see if Willow is more willing to eat that...



I really found this update to be kind of depressing. I feel so sorry for Willow, but I know she is in capable hands!



-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)

[xonethousandtears08x]

I think thats cute how Tara was feeding Willow like that.



Adorable, I'll say.

[hermitfish]

Wow...all the updating you do makes me tired...but pleased beyond mere words.



I have to agree that the meds thing is troubling...made me wonder exactly about the sequence of events that got her admitted to this place. Also, made me wonder if anyone had a reason to keep her there.



Not to mention how have the hospital personnel been treating her? I mean she has been there quite a while...have they not tried various techniques/therapies/medicine combinations?



Then again I've read a few really troubling non-fiction books about the treatment of the mentally ill and the bad conditions at mental hospitals in contemporary settings so it wouldn't be a big surprise if everyone there was just as insensitive as the staff guy 'Dirk' with the yogurt.



I think this part sparked about four theories to what might be going on so kudos.



All us kitties need to do now is buck up the cash to get you a good hand masseuse...can't have good writer like you physically breaking down in the mid-write of the next update.



~Cyd

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When I'm sitting here with you, I don't even think about the slime people.

~The very romantic lead in The Slime People (1962)



Altered Shadows

[shuyaku]

MKBOY - no need for you to be depressed. As I pointed out, I know she is in capable hands (i.e. yours and Tara's )



I'm not one for easy answers or explanations. I expect a fic with the premise to be somewhat depressing and angsty - kinda the point really. I like the angst - makes the pay off all the better.



Now go rest those tired little fingers



-shuyaku

Oh God, Willow—you’re giving me the gift of Karen Carpenter. Just when I think I grasp the full extent of your love." - Tara

"Why do birds suddenly appear? It’s because, you are queer…" - Willow (Gods Served and Abandoned by AntigoneUnbound)

[wiccanbotanist]

Nicely done on all the updates (though you might want to cool it you make the rest of us look like slackers).



I missed commenting on the previous update so I've got a double comment.



I'm glad you finally provided us with Willow's thoughts. It was in no way confusing so there was no need to worry about that. I also like the interaction between her thoughts. I know I do that sometimes...think something and then another thought refutes it and I can argue with myself in my head. Which is all cool until you start screaming "shut up" and smack your head repeatedly. Thats when people start to worry.



As for the more recent update I like how you interpreted Tara's insecurities. Her being young, the lack of respect and no one taking her seriously. Its one of those sad but true situations, but I think Tara handled it well. Another good bit with Willow's thoughts. I liked how she could sense that Tara arrived. And the Tara feeding Willow was sweet.



So again nice job! Can't wait for more.



-wiccanbotanist

"If truth is stranger than fiction then where are the flying monkeys?" - Daria

Sugas mea papilium (Suck my butterfly) - A Woman in Uniform by umgaynow

[hidden watson]

A busy Emms means happy Kittens, but none of the kittens want owie Emms, so I'm with Cyd, we should get you a decent, decadent hand massage.



To the update. Questions about why Willow was admitted and why she is on those meds abound in my mind. Who admitted her? And how has she been treated before now? Tara has to find out who has been her doctor and interrogate them, cos it seems they got either or both the diagnosis and treatment wrong.



So sweet of Tara to build Willow's trust. I'd like to see Willow's thoughts on the yogurt feeding scene, I'm sure she appreciates it, but is frustrated that she can't show it.



Now, go and relax, mate.

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quiet thoughts

[WillowPowered]

I'm really liking this fic, can't wait for more.



Jill

~~~~~~~~

Willow - Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs did ya?



Willow Powered | Amber Powered | Alyson Powered



My lack of talent is more than made up for by my enthusiasm.

[silentinformer]

So I realize i have been MIA for the past couple of updates but that totally wasn't my fault, I blame it solely on people who decided so much reading should be involved in a world classics class anyway loved the updates especially the last one so sweet how Tara is taking care of Willow with so much care.



Can't wait for the next update and hopefully this time i actually get to read it when it comes out



Silent

It's like I can't breathe, It's like I can't see anything, Nothing but you, I'm addicted to you



- Kelly Clarkson "Addicted"

[stillrunning]

Aww...that was cute with Tara and the yogurt! And it's nice to see that Willow sort of responded to Tara. That shows progress! Can't wait for more!

"Heaven's not a place that you go when you die...it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive"

[littlecrazy80]

This update was great.

It was kinda cute how Tara was feeding Willow.



*lil´c*

"I am S-E-X-Y" Amber at the FedCon



SweetAmber ~~~ SweetAmber group ~~~ Sam´s melody

[DreamLover]

Hi there,



I just caught up with the whole story. And I love it!! you write it so well. I like the way you switch over to Willow's "thoughts". I all ready said this on your other story but I love the way you write it's so real.



The whole line of the story fits so perfectly into one and other. I can't wait to read more.



Henny

[Irishgrl3]

Emms,

So much typing for those poor fingers of yours! Time to hire a secretary to enter the updates for you. Hmmm, secretary, bad naughty thoughts...

Wonderful update! Although I wanted to smack the guy shoveling the yogurt. Poor Willow scared of what she might look like (yogurt everywhere) when Tara arrived. Nice move with the finger to the jaw to get her to relax. As always, looking forward to what's next.



-anna

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Okay...so here it is, the next chapter! enjoy. I haven't edited for puncuation and...um...grammer...or spelling...syntax... (that was just a warning)



*skips off to write out indivdual replies*



All Disclaimers Apply





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I close my eyes. at least I think they're closed, I don't see anything but darkness so that's a good sign. Maybe I'm in bed, yes that's where I am. I can feel the sheet that is draped over my limp form. It's too hot in here. I can feel my mouth go dry and I desperately need a drink of water. But since I know I can't get up and get it myself, I don't even try. Instead I lay there and try to think of something else...anything else. Someone would be around eventually and they will get me a drink of water. My mind drifts back to that day. There's something significant about that day. I can tell, because I'm always thinking about it. I let myself drift into the memory.



I'm at home again. Home the way it used to be...not this place. This hospital could never be home. At first the images come back in shadows and flashes of color and I can't see much... My mind keeps wanting to get off topic and think about silly things like the sound rice crispies make when you put the milk over top of them and talking caterpillars smoking opium pipes. I have to focus to keep myself from going there...if I go there I'll be lost again. So I focus on one memory at a time...one image until it becomes solid enough not to be lost in competition with my brains need to ramble.



The first thing I bring into focus is the fish tank on my dresser. I can hear the hum of a motor as it runs the filter. The flow of water continuously swirls inside the beat of bubbles breaking the surface . Fish have simple lives...they get to spend their days swimming around in 20 gallon tanks eating flakes of food pinched in by what to them must seem like the hand of God. It might as well be too....only it isn't. It's my hand... Willow-hand.



Feeling secure in this image my eyes begin to move away from the fish tank. There's something on the desk. What is it? As I concentrate the fuzziness surrounding the object dissipates. I can see It's a picture frame and there's a picture inside it. I stare at the frame awhile longer but I can't make out the faces behind the glass so I move on.



There's a sound that startles me then I realize that it is the sound of the bedroom door opening. I know that if I turn around I'll have to leave this place, So I wait for whatever it is to come through the door and devour me. Some memories are like this... I can feel myself waiting for the bedroom door to open up and reveal the thing I'm most afraid of. It's possible to be afraid of the unknown and I'm the poster child. I never get to find out how this particular memory ends though. Maybe this time will be different though... maybe this time I'll face the demons that haunt me.



My eyes are open now, and I'm back in my room at the hospital. I happen to be facing the door so I'm able to see that it is being pushed open. Was that the sound I had heard a moment ago? Was the present interfering with my memory of the past? Maybe I was dreaming....Dreams can seem like memories sometimes. I'm glad to see nurse Karen has come with a cup of water.



I like nurse Karen. She bends over me and helps me to sit up, she puts a couple fluffy pillow behind my back. Then the cup is to my lips and I can feel the cool water rushing down my throat, soothing the dryness that had been plaguing me since I woke up this morning. Thank you. I think. But she is already out the door. I can see her picking something up off the push-cart that is parked in the hall just outside the doorway. She comes back in with the tiny, condiment-sized paper cup and I know what's coming. She puts the cup to my mouth and I feel the assortment of tiny, smooth, capsules slide inside. My mouth closes and I wait a painfully long moment praying to any god that is listening to make her leave so I can spit them out. Finally she does and I begin the long task of pushing them out of my mouth. One by one they fall to the bed. If they leave me alone long enough I might be able to brush them onto the floor.



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"Good-morning Willow!" I said. I set my bag down on the couch then sat down on the small coffee table next to Willow's chair. "Come on, we're going to do something a little different today okay? I smiled at the red-head and waited to see if she would have any reaction to this news.

To my surprise she seemed to be regarding me quizzically. My heart began to beat faster inside my chest. But I didn't dare get my hopes up too high, that look in her eyes could just as easily have an explanation that has nothing to do with emotion at all... It could be the play of light from the window dancing across her face making her look as though she were regarding me with interest. Though I told myself this, secretly, deep down inside, I knew that look for what it was.. There was a Willow inside there and she was trying to get out.

"I just need to go and see if I can track down one of the nurses and see if they can help us get you into a wheelchair." I said, kneeling down next to her. I looked into her eyes. I was tensely nervous that my movement would cause her to retreat back into herself and I was relieved to see that she still seemed to be looking at me with interest.



I can walk



"Hey lady, she can walk..."



"What?" I turn around at the sound of the voice. It was the television woman and she was talking to my from across the room. Her eyes were not on me, instead they were trained to the program that was on. An old episode of the I love Lucy show.



I can walk



"Yeah...she can walk. Just take her arm and she'll stand...she'll walk where ever you want her to go. "



This was news to me. Nothing I'd read in her file or had been briefed on suggested that she would or for that matter could walk. And from what i'd seen, the nurses had always come around with a wheelchair to cart her from place to place. Could it be true that willow could walk? I didn't have any reason to believe the woman, but there was a certainty in the way she'd said it that left no room for questioning.... I looked down at Willow and then back over to the woman that had spoken. The woman was watching me now. I found this odd, the way she stared at me from across the room, like I was the television show and she didn't want to miss what ever was going to happen next. She had an anticipatory smile on her face, and even from across the room I could see the twinkle in her brown eyes.



I didn't know if what the woman said was true and there was only one way to find out... I stood up. I could feel my teeth clamp onto my bottom lip. I began to get hot, like all the blood in my body was on the fire and the stove had been turned up to medium-high. What if this was true, what if she could walk. I couldn't help getting my hopes up, even though I knew better. My palms were sweaty as I took Willow's stilled hand in my own. There was a slight tingling when the palm of her hand came into contact with my own. It felt so wrong and so right at the same time. I felt the urge to pull away from the slight contact out fear at my own surge of feelings. But I pushed those thoughts down into the pit of my stomach. I looked back to the woman. She was still watching my every move. I swallowed the lump in my throat and began to raise the hand that was holding Willow's. I felt the muscles in her arm tense up and had the thought that she might be going into a seizure. I was about to let go of her hand when I felt the pressure of her hand in mine. I stared in amazement as Willow stood up on her own two feet. The woman across the room began clapping her hands rhythmically in excitement. The way she was bringing her hands together reminded me of an African dance I'd once seen performed by a group of women from Kenya.



"How did you know?" I asked across the room to the woman who was still watching us.



" I can hear her thinking...She thinks so loud sometimes that it's hard for me to hear my shows. "



The woman pointed to the television and then turned around in her seat. Willow and I were completely forgotten as the sight of Lucy shoving chocolates into her mouth played to the tune of canned laughter. The woman had been right....This thought ran on repeat inside my head pushing long forgotten thoughts up to the surface of my mind like boiling water. Maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew...but it was impolite to spit at the table, so I had no choice but to swallow it.



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TBC

Edited by: MissKittys Ball O Yarn  at: 4/16/05 3:28 pm

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

Cyd! Hi sweetie!

Quote:

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I have to agree that the meds thing is troubling...made me wonder exactly about the sequence of events that got her admitted to this place. Also, made me wonder if anyone had a reason to keep her there.

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you are right to wonder about those very things...

but I can't provide any answers at this time... so hehe

Quote:

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have they not tried various techniques/therapies/medicine combinations?

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hehe...once again with the not telling...

Quote:

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I think this part sparked about four theories to what might be going on

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yay! theories are good. I've always said that. Well, okay...I've never said that...but i've thought it a whole buncha times.



side note-Okay, so I'm freaking myself out by listening and actually liking country music... (is that wrong? )

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Shuyaku I agree with you. I like angst too....



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Wiccanbotanist Thanks sweetie, but I don't think I could make anybody look like a slacker even if I tried really really hard.



I'm glad you weren't confused about The conversation a couple updates ago between willow and her.....um...self...

It seemed to go over pretty well with everyone.



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hidden watson hehe happy kittens is a good thing...and happy Emms is a good thing too... a hand massage would be nice. I can already feel the muscles in my fingers relaxing..... Yes...that's much better.



all answers to your questions will be forth coming... just not now...cause I cant risk destroying the carefully woven twist I've been developing have I said too much already?



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Jeanne Yes I am a good little kitten aren't I?



hehe... *getting visual of Dirk flying through the tenth floor window*



I see you felt the need to use Bob... be careful though cause he's very clingy...One day you find yourself throwing him thoughtlessly around in some feedback because you're irritated about the ethics inside the medical profession and then the next thing you know he's stealing your potted plants and leaving the crumbs from his pop tart inside your 45 dollar toaster... I'm just saying.... cause I know from experience... he's no good Jeanne! No good I say!



hehe... seriously though....everything will be okay... And I'm glad you are still liking the story. *distracted* Ooooooooo bouncy guys! I love them! thanks. *scampers off to bounce along with them*







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Jill I'm glad you're liking....



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Silentinformer You mean you were reading something other than Willow/Tara fics?? is that allowed? I don't think that's allowed sweetie....



Oh well though, I wont turn you in...



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stillrunning yeah, yogurt is always cute... cant go wrong with it... but I can think of cuter things to do with it that doesn't include spoons.... well... there could be spoons...



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lil c yay you liked it.



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Awwe Henny you are too sweet. Thank you for your kind words.... I really hope you liked this last updade as well.



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Anna isn't it too early in the afternoon to be having the naughty secretary thoughts? hehe.... who am I kidding? anytime's a good time for naughty secretary thoughts... (im thinking some right now)



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lil fled yay progress! I'm glad you liked the update.



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Watersong more intrigued huh? Well goody.



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xoxo

Emms

I can wax philisophically on a variety of different subjects...that doesn't,however, mean that I have anything constructive to add to the conversation.

--- Me

Edited by: MissKittys Ball O Yarn at: 2/19/05 12:04 pm

[lil fled]

*has been checking for updates* so



"I can hear her thinking sometimes"



I'm not sure if I know what that's about.. But it's definitely interesting.. and YEY progress for Tara! You can sense the specialness all over these two from the start already. Loving this story muchly

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"I'm realistic about love. People shape love into what they

want love to be and it always bounces back to its natural

shape and smashes you out of the way."

[watersong84]

Hmnmm... very intriguing. Willow thinks loudly, huh? My interest is sparked even more than before.



Great update!