YAY for our next two contributors!!

WATSON:
[blockquote]This was worth the wait! I know the struggles you went through in researching for this fic, so thank you so much for sticking with it! This was a fun story. I love the way you tied in all of the elements...and then added a few more of your own (Rubber Ducky?! )

And my nomination for inclusion in the top 10 fanfic quotes of all time (because I can't pick just one):



OMG that one had me ROLLING. It's just....funny! Hello Kitties all over Japan...attacking. I suddenly have images of Godzilla movies going through my head. "Godzilla vs Hello Kitty"...starts Friday at a theatre near you.

And I really want to hear more about the Graceland of Sensuous Intoxication. [/blockquote]

WICCANBOTANIST:
[blockquote]Thanks so much for playing the challenge game again! And YAY for you! You can look forward to reading more of Debra's fics!

This story was really a delight. Oh that Dawn!

I loved this little section on the conference call:



It just made me giggle so much! Tara and Buffy taking opposite ends of the good vs. bad news and Tara-babble were just delightful.

OH! And Tara checking out Willow trying on bathing suits! Can't say I blame her! [/blockquote]

Thanks so much to both of you for taking part. I hope to see you both at the next fic challenge. It shouldn't be as difficult. At least, I don't think so.

Carleen

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Frivolous Views

Should I even open my mouth? Well, let my fingers do the talking, typing, whatever . Oh Professor, you tease us so.


*scampers off to do research in the name of writing smut.*

~~~~~


Oh yes, you should pick up a copy of DIVA (or nonchanlantly skim through it at Smith's) and you'll see it's full of ads for said ducky plus a plethora of colorful gadgets. Actually, in Japan, sex toys are not allowed to look like the real thing, so they have all sorts of cute toys, eg Hello Kitty handled vibrators, the rubber ducky, and the pink rabbit that was featured in Sex in the City. How did I know all that? Research, my friend, it's all in the name of research. Thanks for reading!

~~~~~


Run, don't walk! And then you shall see why Debra is Elvis!

I love your challenge, it's so lighthearted. I can just see Tara moping around the house, wanting something to do, to distract her from the missing-Willow-ness.

And nothing like shared brain cells / deep soulmate-y connection that dialing each other at exact the same moment. Yep, I've done that before, but not to the extent that W/T does. W in T's body, being all grumpy and T in W's body schmoozing with the suits, how wonderful .

Plus Dawn, so well-meaning, even if her spell went pear-shaped.

Sweet . All that, plus tongue-lashing too .

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quiet thoughts

man these are all wicked good... I gotta say the one that had me goin "wow...." so far is Terra's use of the season 3 y'all. Brilliant dude. Kudos

But seriously, this is a hard challenge and all are awesome.... if only I could write.. pssh. I'd rather read

Ashleigh

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Here I stand, with everything to lose, All I know is I don't wanna ever see the end. Baby please I'm reachin out for you, won't you open up your heart and let me come back in. Lets be us again..

Watson - Wonderfully funny. I mean who hasn't had all kinds of thoughts about whether your roommates can smell you? And that's without slayer powers. Although I've never thought that Buffy wouldn't have super smell. I mean it'd be in kind of poor taste here but still I've always thought. Anyway, you did a really great job of working in the elements - the titles, the switching, the conference calls. Well done.

Wiccanbotanist - Very fun. Funny that you and Watson had kind of similar settings. I love that it was Dawn who did it. Very amusing. Well done.

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

Okay now that I am well read, I’m thinking I’d like to leave some feedback for those who have gone so far!

Justin: The story maybe coincidental but I’ve got to say kudos to you for happening upon that coincidence. Very funny and very creative. Especially this part.
Makes me think of that Simpson’s episode where they coincidently use the “Shining” and I could hear in a Scottish voice. “Shhh, you wan’ to get us sued”. I know that was random, but that is what came to my mind.

Terra: I’ll hop on the bandwagon here and say, that was a creative use of W/T Season 3 Y’all. In particular the nice set up you had with the whole watching Friends thing. And Go smuttiness in the shop! Though the Tara hitting on Xander thing was a big creepy, interesting in the way of having Willow test him, but still kinda creepy. Plus in your fic poor Xander isn’t getting any, because there is no human Anya, so I’m sure the dynamic would be different. Oh and the embarrassing bit of information inadvertently mentioned over a conference call, very nice.

Watson: Dear Watson, one of my favourite fic authors. I was so glad you graced us with a challenge fic! One of my favourite things about you is your consistency throughout all your fics, in particular the George’s… Oh and my favourite quote
Some of them are just fun to pronounce. And I'm sure you are shocked that I commented about a plant comment Their interaction on the phone is adorable, and the question to be solved by Buffy was really funny…and Mr. Ducky! Well Mr. Ducky is one of the greatest toys ever invented….Or so I’ve heard . You even provided a link, how every nice of you.

And thanks for the feedback on mine.

Justin: Dawn needed to learn her lesson as Willow did. Something about young people, also need to learn their lessons multiple times. And yes, a tongue lashing is good, though I’m sure most people would have preferred me to write it out…..

Carleen: I’m glad you liked the Buffy/Tara good news/bad news thing. And I thought it would be fun to make someone comment on Willow-babble coming from Tara, I was going to have everyone encounter make the comment, but that would have required a few more conversations and more babble, and more writing! And thanks for giving us an opportunity to write. For some reason I can’t keep my concentration to work on my own fics but I always enjoy writing something for you.

Watson: I agree Debra is Elvis! And the calling situation I’ve done before too, but usually it is only once, but it was just so easy to write Willow and Tara doing it over and over again. And Dawn was an easy one to pin the spell going wrong on.

Ashleigh: I’m glad you enjoyed them all! And hey don’t worry about the not writing, as long as you keep reading and giving of feedback that is okay too! We’ve got to have someone to write for right?

JustSkipIt!: Woo Hoo! Getting feedback from the woman herself! But like I told Watson, Dawn was an easy one to pin it on. As for the similar settings to watson’s fic, well I thought it would be more fun to have them apart, more wackiness for me to write (though I might be proven wrong by the first two fics, both which had some good wackiness with them together!), plus it gave a reason for the switch. I’m not sure about watson’s motives but they certainly worked well!

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All you need are student loans and a sense of destiny. - A friend of a friend
I’m looking forward to taking your shirt off tonight – Willow First Date by Foomatic
Shameless self promotion: My Website ++ Save A Tree! ++ Most Recent Update

Hey, just wanted to post a few replies. Even though this is a multi-authored thread, I still wanna give props to the peeps. I also want to apologize to the other fic authors, but I haven't had time to read the other entries yet. Busy week so far and my Mommy was sick. Anyway, thanks for reading y'all.

GayNow - Thank you Professor Carleen for such a great creative forum you have created. I believe you have breathed new life into Pens. Not that it was lagging or anything, just some fresh air. More challenges, oh dear, I must prioritize...POC, New fic, Fic challenge 3, 4, 5, etc.

Watson - Thank you my hidden friend. Not so sure about the brilliance, I just broke up the title and tried it in different scenarios. This was the best. I'm trying my hand at funny, ok even I know that didn't come out right. You may claim lovebirds all you want. It's yours. Thank you for reading.

ELVIS - *Bows to honoree* To hear that you LOVED MY STORY and the it was QUITE FUNNY, just curls my toes. In the non-sexual kinda way. Even though I worked in a W/T Season 3 Y'all, could you be so kind as to remember the next time you name a fic that Carleen is a part of this board?

cperrins78 - Thanks for reading dearie.

the hero factor - I so had a good time writing the 'Tara'/Xander scene. I've always thought that Tara had a playful side and why not bring it out with Willow at the helm. Thank you.

justin - I'm so glad you had a good laugh. If I made one person laugh, then at least I know my warped sense of humor is not lost. Inspired? I like that word. I'm gonna use it more often. Again, sorry about not reading the other fics yet. I promise I'll get to 'em.

VixenyTarasHot - I can just hear you saying "dude, like, wow." LOL. Isn't Kudos a granola bar? I know, I know, bad joke. Car is supposed to be hunting me a good joke book.

wiccanbotanist - Thank you very much. Setting that note up took me half the fic, lol. Oh, and after all Carleen said smut was optional. In my book that means smut is usually a requirement. Ok that makes me sound bad. And I love embarrased Buffy, she's always been funny.

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terra
LOLdogs

Watson wrote Believe it or not, in Texas it can look like a sex toy but can't be sold as if it were a sex toy. So it has to be for "muscle tension" or "party favor" or whatever. Same with drug paraphanelia. So a bong is a water pipe and is sold with some benign tobacco, etc. Lol.

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

Yay Carleen for more new challenges…this is a slightly strange take on what has been issued…I hope it’s enjoyed. I haven’t had a chance to read the other ones yet…except for justin’s fic and that was quite delightful with an understated sort of charm and humor. I’ll try to get to the others tonight so that I can comment upon them. ~Cyd

[hr]

[center] A Day in the Life[/center]

Author: Cyd (hermitfish)

Disclaimer: I don’t own BTVS or its characters…I do, however, own the soft spot in my heart for animals.

Rating: PG-ish

[hr]


6:01 A.M.


“Now that we’re in a serious relationship, we have to make sure that they can get along with each other.”

Buffy rubbed her eyes, wondering why these sorts of discussions happened so early in the morning. She looked at the bed across the room and lifted an eyebrow. “We’ve been together for three months. They get along just fine.”

“They seem to when were with them but what happens the first time they’re on their own together? Or what if she doesn’t like you when it’s just you and her? Or what if…”

“Angel! I get it. You want to see if they can fit into our lives. Stop being such a prima donna. I’ll take Tara for the day and you can take Willow. It’ll be like a switch…a perfectly normal doggie changeroo. Then we can all stay together at my place tonight.”

At the word ‘doggie’, two furry spirits moved from the comfort of a cushiony doggie bed. One of them gracefully gaited to the bed and propped her head on the edge in a cuteness-personified manner while the other bounded onto the bed and began rolling around.

Buffy patted the Yellow Labrador Retriever, scratching behind her soft ears for good measure as she watched her own pooch have a good time.

“Buffy…doesn’t she know not to jump on the bed?”

“She knows not to jump on my bed without permission…yours is a whole other story.”

‘Hey! I know not to jump on the bed…but it’s so soft and slip slidy. Wheee!’ The spazzy red mixed breed dog said as she rolled and glided across the silk sheets.

Angel huffed.

‘Willow…you’re making my owner all broody,’ Tara replied with a look of amusement.

‘He’s always broody.’

Of course the humans never heard the doggie conversation because evolution had made them oblivious to the natural order of things and fonder of Twinkies instead.

They were also oblivious to just how much of a nonproblem having the two dogs live together would be. Yes, indeed, the humans were mostly idiots, but the dogs liked having them around because they were cute and helpful in some ways…such as when they did that trick with the can opener.

“You wanna spend the day with me, Tara?” The lab’s tail wagged and she lifted her head, giving Buffy’s hand a lick.

“Now I’m supposed to take Willow to flyball practice but I guess I’ll take you instead.”

‘Flyball, flyball, flyball!’ Willow cheered as she jumped off the bed and began running around the room.

“No flyball, Willow. You get to go with Angel. What are you doing today anyways?”

“I have to meet with a new client that is looking for a service dog and then I have a youth acclimation session. Do you think your pup can behave long enough for that?”

‘Sheesh…I can do that…I’m a smart dog…I can follow his orders,’ Willow replied as she jumped off of the bed and sat obediently next to the dark-haired man. She glanced at Tara who had a brow lifted in question. ‘What? You don’t think I can?’

‘Of course you can, sweetie. It’s just sometimes you get distracted…a-and you have to be really focused when working with Angel and the hurt people.’

Willow’s ducked her head down and went to sulk on the pet bed in the corner. Tara followed after her passively, nuzzling the mutt’s ear before resting with her head on her paws.

Willow turned away. ‘Oh, don’t try that muzzle nuzzle with me missy. You think your life is tougher than mine. All you do is sit around all-day and let a bunch of people pet you…woohoo…big deal. I’m a champion…fastest dog around…even the human says so.’

“Of course,” Buffy replied. “She’s a champion flyball dog. She can take direction.”

‘See?’

‘But it’s just chasing a tennis ball. If I wanted to do that I could.’

‘You think so?’ Willow asked defensively.

‘I know so,’ Tara replied sharply with a nod.

‘Then you’re on. You try one day of my life and I’ll do one of yours…we’ll see who’s the top dog.’

The dogs agreed to the deal, Willow putting her bone buried in the backyard in on the bet while Tara put her favorite squeaky toy on the line, which was in the shape of a frog. The red furred pup growled at the green toy as Tara dragged it out from under the bed, impatiently waiting for the moment when she could rip the thing to shreds.

Angel retreated to the bathroom for a shower. After a long soothing wash where he sang a medley of Barry Manilow songs, he stopped in front of the mirror, shaving and pampering his hair with a large assortment of hair gels.

Buffy luxuriated in her boyfriend’s bed, the two dogs curling up around her after realizing that no one was going to feed or walk them at the moment.

The blonde petted the pair of furry companions as she contemplated her situation. Angel was certainly the nicest guy she had met in a long while. He owned a canine service company that trained dogs for disabled persons. He also took Tara to hospitals and nursing homes as a full-time therapy dog. He was sweet and hunky…and he didn’t go all bad boy after they slept together for the first time. Her roommate Xander once told her that it seemed like she sucked the soul right out of those other two guys and turned them to evil. Either that or she picked ‘em a little too gay for her taste. I mean peroxide blonde hair and all that leather…how could I be so dense? Even Dawn noticed the obvious…they shared beauty tips and he knew how to set a full service afternoon tea.

Angel walked out of the bathroom in a finely tailored suit with his hair spiked and positioned just so. Buffy sighed and crossed her fingers covertly.

-------------


Willow’s Day - 7:01 A.M.


Angel took Willow for a walk just as Buffy loaded his Yellow Lab into her beat up Jeep. He could only wish to the driving deities that they would help her stay away from park fountains, runaway shopping carts, and outdoor garden gnome displays at local home improvement stores – each a previous scene of the driving violation crime for the blonde. She was a serious slayer with that car.

Willow was impatient as the tall, dark, and slow took her around the block. She was accustomed to leading her owner’s morning jog. ‘Come on, come on…you better get a good workout. Buffy doesn’t like chunky men. She likes really muscley men…there was that solider one that dressed up as her for Halloween and then kept wearing her clothes right through Christmas. And then Buffy found out…now that was a season without holiday cheer.’

Willow managed to get him moving a little faster by the end of the exercise session, but still felt gypped as a whole. When they returned to his house, the mixed breed let her irritation be known by throwing a substantial fit, complete with snorting and rolling around on her back erratically.

After a few minutes of complaining, she quickly grew bored and went exploring for her morning meal. Her only find was an empty bowl with Tara’s name inscribed on it. She perked her ears and gave a sniff to the air, seeing if her yellow friend had returned. She gave a sad little whimper and picked up the bowl with the teeth.

She moved to the living room where Angel was sitting on a lounger reading the newspaper. The mutt sat the bowl in the overly contemplative man’s lap and gave him the big expressive eye routine. This got a quick feeding result.


10:01 A.M.


Angel gathered his briefcase and loaded Willow into his SUV. As soon as he rolled down the windows, she stuck her muzzle out the window for what was, in her opinion, an all too brief ride. For Angel it was much longer, the car finally pulling up to an old pleasant country farm after about an hour.

Angel rung the bell and was met by an older gentleman wearing dark sunglasses that masked his eyes. “Yes?” he inquired.

“Are you Rupert Giles?”

“Indeed I am. Are you from the service dog foundation?”

“Yes, I’m Angel.”

“Do come in…although I’m only meeting with you because of my wife Jenny.” The man moved in an almost casual fashion, only Angel’s years of experience allowed him to recognize the calculations of a blind man trying to avoid obstacles.

“I’ve always had below average vision but only recently have I become fully impaired…it was if someone willed it and I quickly lost the rest of my sight.”


11:01 A.M.


Back in the car, Willow was annoyed. She hated waiting in cars. She hated waiting for meals. Frankly, she hated waiting…period. Angel opened the windows to keep her cool, but she was bored…and while the windows were not low enough for Tara to houdini out of, today’s furry companion squeezed through with a little room to spare.

‘Victory is mine!’ she proclaimed as she bolted around the side of the house and began to explore.

She didn’t spend much time in the country, being a small city/suburbanite dog when she wasn’t travelling cross-country to compete. The country smelled a lot different, especially the large open building just down the dirt gravel road. She ran to the building without a second thought.

She trotted through the open door and was met by the scariest sight on the face of the planet. Stalls and stalls full of horses…big take your furry arm off kinda horses.

A large bay noticed the wandering pup backing out of the stable cautiously. ‘Do you want to come closer?’ The horse’s teeth showed, big and shiny, as it ducked mysteriously to the side.

Willow put her championship speed to good use running back to the SUV and jumping through the window in one clean motion.

The horse looked back over the gate with a piece of apple in its mouth. ‘Hmm…I guess she didn’t want this.’ It chewed up the small piece of fruit with a shrug.


11:03 A.M.


“Since you’ve been such a good girl, I’ll take you to the acclimation session,” Angel patted the top of her head.

‘Yep…I’m a good girl…I’m very seldom naughty.’

That thought came with the most innocent expression Angel had ever seen. “I guess Buffy was right about you.”

They drove back into town, the red mutt sticking her head far out the window to catch all the scenty action.

The loud, ear-piercing jangling of a cellular phone interrupted her good time. Angel pulled fumbled for the contraption from the center console as he pulled off the country road.

He flipped the case open and put it to his ear but no sound came through.

“Piece of junk…I will never figure out how to use this thing.” He pushed several random buttons before tossing it aside on the passenger’s seat.

Willow hopped from the back seat to the front, her paw smooshing the on button. Both Angel and the dog paused as they heard loud barking emanating from the small silver phone.

‘WILLOW! WILLOW! WILLOW!’

‘TARA!’ Willow cried out. ‘TARA! TARA! TARA!’ To Angel it sounded like a chorus of excited barks.

“Hush, Willow,” Angel chided as he picked up the phone. “Angel here.”

“Hi Buffy…and Anya?” Willow tried to wedge next to his ear to get close to the receiver. “What do you need?”

Willow couldn’t hear the response.

“Absolutely not…you can’t be serious.” The broody man rolled his eyes. “For no price.”

Willow whined loudly, ‘Tara?’

“Hush.”

“Sure, we’ll be there at four, Buffy. Love you.”


1:01 P.M.


As they walked through the park, Willow became more and more excited. This was one of her favorite places to chase toys. When they diverted from the open field to a sitting gazebo area, she tugged lightly in the opposite direction to tell Angel his error.

“Sorry, little one…not today.”

They came to a group of around twenty kids. Many were shy and hiding behind the benches. A couple of kids were throwing a Frisbee back and forth. Willow saw the white blur dancing through the sky and began to jump up and down. ‘Frisbee!’ Several of the kids began screaming and running away.

“Down Willow,” he commanded as she sat on her own with her ears curiously perked. “Its okay children…don’t be scared…she’s just excited to see you all.”

’Scared? What do they think I’m big bad Willow or something? I’ve got red fur not black…I’m a good girl.’

Willow sunk low to the ground in a submissive position as Angel began his talk with the disadvantage children. Many of them came from poor families or had experienced some previous bad situations with dogs so they were very scared and tentative.

Willow went through the motions of commands Angel gave during the speech. She was tempted several times to run off and chase squirrels she saw scampering through the park, but she kept focus as the kids got more comfortable.

One of the other grownups began barbecuing as the children slowly approached the red mutt. She stayed subdued and rolled on her back as the children came and petted her soft fur. Within the hour, she had kids jumping up and down all over her and feeding her bits of hot dogs and hamburgers. She walked back to Angel’s SUV busting at the seams.

‘I wish Tara was here to nuzzle my tummy,’ Willow groaned.

“Whatta good girl you are…yes you are, you pretty, pretty little thing. Let’s go home you sweet girl.” Angel stood up and looked around. “Let’s keep the puppy talk between me and you.”

Willow’s only response was a lick and a tail wag.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Tara’s Day - 7:01 A.M.


Tara tried to take a nap in the car, but it quickly became obvious that her time would be better spent digging her claws into the fabric of the back seat so she wouldn’t fly out of the transportation. She briefly worried that she would get in trouble for damaging the upholstery, but upon further inspection, she realized that she was just leaving another set of slightly larger ‘hold on for dear life gashes’ next to Willow’s.


8:01 A.M.


Tara panted between sucking down gulps of water from a bucket. Her normal leisurely morning walk had turned into a jog from hell.

The house was smaller than her own, but she managed to track down Willow’s favorite resting spot. She watched the door for a few minutes, wondering if Willow would come back soon before succumbing to a midmorning nap.


8:21 A.M.


Tara woke with a grump. Buffy’s enthusiastic calls from downstairs took her from sleep just as she was getting to the Snausage Bridge.

‘Harumph…doesn’t she know that I need twenty hours of sleep to be at my best?’ Tara obediently loped down the steps and was loaded into the car. Buffy’s driving pulled her around to fully awake within moments.


9:01 A.M.

Buffy and Tara entered the gymnasium late, the only relic left from when the high school blew up from a gas explosion. Lanes and lanes of hurdles and spring loaded boxes that held the coveted tennis balls lined the old wooden basketball floor.

Tara found that it was loud…excruciatingly loud. At least sixty dogs were barking, whimpering, and otherwise making a ruckus. Not to mention the crazed owners who were cheering and yelling commands. There was even one enthusiastic and obnoxious woman with a whistle and a stopwatch taking precise measurements. Tara realized that was the nut they were heading towards.

“Anya,” Buffy greeted with a wave.

“Where is your dog?” Anya asked, ignoring the pleasantries. She brought her two Border Collies to a halt with a quick command.

“Willow’s with my boyfriend today. I’m taking care of his dog Tara.”

“Can she run?”

“I don’t know…she’s a service dog.”

“Just great. I didn’t bring our alternate dogs - Commerce or Retail. I only brought Profit and Revenue with the expectation that you would bring Willow and we would have the fastest heats today,” Anya said with irritation.

“It’s just practice…and Willow is ready for the race this weekend,” Buffy replied nonaffected.

“Ladies, Ladies…no need to fight…unless you want to change into bikinis and step into my mud pool.” Xander said as he brought his wolf dog over on a leash.

Tara cautiously approached the new dogs – She was far more accustomed to dealing with people rather than groups of other dogs.

‘So you’re Tara?’ The wolf dog asked with a curious expression on his face.

H-how do you know who I am?’ Tara responded nervously.

You’re Willow’s girl right? She just goes on and on about you. I’m Profit, by the way.’

Tara shyly ducked her head, but couldn’t help the pleased expression that was shining like a neon sign across her face.

‘I’m Revenue…Mr. Stoic over there is Oz.’

‘N-nice to meet you.’

Buffy took Tara separately through the motions for twenty minutes before letting her join the others.

Anya began blowing the whistle fiercely and the three other dogs lined up…Tara followed behind. Oz turned and gave her a hopeful look. ‘Don’t worry…just copy what we do.’

“Twenty seconds? That’s despicable,” Anya spat. “Let’s get it together pooches.”

Two hours later, they had dwindled the time down to around eighteen seconds…even Anya seemed impressed at the Yellow Lab’s quick ability to learn and improve. Tara, though, just wondered if she could trade in her thick coat for a smooth coat Chihuahua as she panted in despair.

Anya filled up several water bowls again for the dogs and they all flocked to drink. As Tara was drinking down hers, she flinched as she felt hands begin to pet her. She turned to find Anya with a strange look in her eye. Anya checked her neck, back, and hindquarters before the dog maneuvered away.

“Is this a purebred dog with papers?” Anya questioned.

“Yeah…why do you ask?”

Both Tara and Buffy could see the dollar signs forming behind the bottle blonde’s eyes.


11:01 A.M.


Buffy and Anya exited the gymnasium, Anya loading her pair of Border Collies into a van.

“Call your boyfriend,” Anya directed as she flipped out her phone and handed it to the blonde.

Buffy dialed the number and handed the phone back to Anya. She tapped a series of numbers and motioned for Buffy to pull her own phone out. “Why do you want to talk to Angel?”

Tara’s ears perked at the name of her owner.

“Lucrative business opportunities,” the bottle blonde replied.

Buffy rolled her eyes and opened her phone as it jingled. She listened as Angel’s phone rang repeatedly with no answer. Anya was just about to hang up but caught Buffy’s hand motion and stayed on.

“It takes him forever to answer his cell phone. Angel’s so technophobic…you would think he was born two hundred forty years ago or something.”

Tara edged closer when she heard Angel’s name again. It caused Buffy to trip over the curb, both phone and leash flew out of her hand simultaneously. The yellow lab bounded for the phone.

‘WILLOW! WILLOW! WILLOW!’ Tara started.

‘TARA! TARA! TARA! TARA!’

“Hush, Tara,” Buffy chided as she picked up the phone.

“Angel here.”

“Angel?”

“Buffy’s sex slave?”

“Hi Buffy…and Anya? What do you need?”

“I want to breed your purebred dog…she will make healthy and profitable litters,” Anya spoke candidly.

“Absolutely not…you can’t be serious.” Angel replied.

“I’ll give you thirty percent of the litter sale and a ten percent cut on the first two years worth of winnings on the dog show worthy ones.”

“For no price.”

“Phhht…idiots…the both of you.” Anya said as she flipped her phone shut.

Tara whined loudly, ‘Willow?’

“Hey…keep quiet you.” Buffy shushed with a pat on her head. “Can you make it to my house by four?”

“Sure, we’ll be there at four, Buffy. Love you.”


1:01 P.M.


The Jeep skidded to a disturbing halt in front of a disturbingly pink shop. Buffy pulled out the lethargic dog and opened the glass door.

“Welcome to Chase’s Pet Spa. Oh…Ms. Summers…did you get a new dog?” Harmony the peppy blonde assistant asked as she greeted.

“This is my boyfriend’s dog…just give her Willow’s usual – a massage and a grooming.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Harmony took the exhausted dog to the back so that Larry could work a legendary pet massage before Wesley did his magic with a brush and a set of scissors. Buffy was lucky enough to always have an open appointment since she had dated Larry back in high school.

Tara could only sing the praises, which was given in the form of licks, to the two miracle workers as her muscles, joints, and fur went back to where it belonged. An hour later she was given back to Buffy who took her behind a dark purple curtain.

“Cordelia…do you have time for a quick question?” the blonde asked to the woman sitting behind the desk with a plaque that said – Cordelia Chase: Pet Psychic.

“Certainly,” she replied as she moved from behind the counter and kneeled on a large maroon pillow off to the side of the office. “Bring her here.”

Buffy moved Tara next to the brunette and she picked up her fuzzy yellow paw. Instantly Ms. Chase was wracked with sharp pains that caused her to release the paw and grab at her head.

“She will live contentedly with the other as you hope. My vision has foreseen it.”

“Oh…thank you, seer,” Buffy replied happily as her question of whether or not the two dogs could live compatibly was answered.

She packed up the dog and drove home singing pop songs in a loud, flat voice. Tara was so tired that she fell asleep, not noticing the bad singing or driving.


------------------------------------------------------------------


4:01 P.M.


Tara eyes popped awake as the door opened wide to Willow and Angel.

’Hey,’ Willow greeted as she noticed Tara resting on the couch. Tara sat up and her stomach growled loudly.

’You haven’t eaten yet? What kind of degenerate owner have I raised?’ Willow began on a tirade.

’Sweetie…I was sleeping,’ Tara’s stomach growled again. ‘Um, but maybe now we could eat?’

’Of course…this is one conflict that Buffy can always solve.’ Willow trotted to the kitchen where Buffy and Angel were commending their good behavior today. The red mutt scratched her paw against the food cabinet and look up as if she had never been fed before in her whole entire life.

“Is it time for you din-din?” Buffy instantly responded as she open the cabinet and filled a bowl for both Tara and Willow.

’See? No problemo.’

The two dogs ate merrily.

‘It looks like you charmed my owner.’’ Tara said with a sense of delight after finishing her meal.

‘Yeah, I could write a book...if I ever figure out how to use a computer. It would be called Please: The Series of Pouty Expressions That Manipulate Owners Into Anything.’ Willow replied with a touch of self-satisfaction.

‘Don’t you think the title is really long?’

‘Well, something tells me if I didn’t use that title the great owner in the sky would be very disappointed.’

‘Oh…well, one must always obey the great owner in the sky because she rocks.’

‘Exactly.’

Tara moved her toy squeaky frog in front of Willow and flopped over on her side into the pile of blankets at the foot of Buffy’s bed. ‘Who knew that flyball was so hard? And loud and tiring…or that I would be propositioned for breeding?’

‘Anya is truly disturbing,’ Willow agreed, knowing the likely scenario without having to ask. She moved her unearthed bone to her side and pounced on the evil squeaky. She reluctantly put it down after a moment, saving her instinct for massacring green hoppity things for later.

‘Who knew that being a service dog was so hard? And tiring…and that little kids could pull ears so ouchy…’

‘Can we agree that we both are the top dogs in this house?’ Tara asked as she lifted her head and scooted back to make a place for the smaller dog to lay in front. Willow happily burrowed in.

The pair looked over at their owners.

“You should really consider adding a medieval influence to the decor,” Angel suggested innocently. “Dark, rich colors are so good in the bedroom.”

“Wow…you’re right,” Buffy agreed. “Do you know what else is good in the bedroom?”

“Hmm…automatic retractable curtains? I hate that morning sun.” Angel contemplated as he rubbed his chin.

“No…you silly,” Buffy replied airily, setting back blondes worldwide another ten years by playing to stereotype.

“Oh!” They both gave a good chuckle.

Willow turned back to the golden lab. ‘We are most assuredly at the top around here.’

‘Do you think we can make this work?’ Tara asked as she rested her head on Willow’s shoulder.

‘Of course…all we have to do is keep our owners on the straight and blissfully narrow. No paths diverged/divulged.’

‘That shouldn’t be problem then. After all we’re dogs – the best darn moochers and manipulators on the whole food chain.’


THE END

That was awesome. I liked the way you used Willow & Tara as dogs. It made for a very interesting and delightful read.



Christina

Cyd,

I really liked how the switching was just changing routines. That was a really simple way of achieving that. I was wondering how many different magical means it could happen.

This was also the funniest thing I've read in a long time


Really great
cooper

Cyd ~

Thanks so much for playing again! I can't write that much right now since I'm at work, but I wanted to let you know how much I really delighted in this story! So creative! And so lovingly written. YAY!

I'll be back later this evening when I'm at home to add more specifics here. Just wanted to express my appreciation of your story!

Carleen

_________________

Frivolous Views

Cyd! That was awesome! Super creative and just all of those little tidbits that you added in keeping it true to form. My favourites including:


and


Very funny. And very warm and fuzzy. I've had a professor that worked with service dogs before, so I've met the Tara type, I could easily picture her. I also had a friend that had a very red hyper lab type thing, so I had Willow dog pictured easily as well. Nicely done.

_________________
All you need are student loans and a sense of destiny. - A friend of a friend
I’m looking forward to taking your shirt off tonight – Willow First Date by Foomatic
Shameless self promotion: My Website ++ Save A Tree! ++ Most Recent Update

I'm with Tara on this one, I don't believe she has enhanced smell, though I never really thought about it. Perhaps she has and knows how to lessen the impact.


they really just want to see what they want to see, right?

~~~~~


Shocked! Absolutely! Consider the inclusion of a book of plant name a shout-out to YOU! Yes, you !

~~~~~

Onto Cyd's story. Wow! I'm not a dog person and it took me a few paragraphs to clue in. The doggie conversations were so light-hearted, yet true to W/T character. Willow's horse fear, Tara being the calm one, and them barking each other's names whenever they were on the phone .



awwwwwww

And the asides, Anya's names for her dogs, HILARIOUS ! Chase's Pet Spa, wow, if they extended those services to humans too *creaks aching bones*. Great stuff .

_________________
quiet thoughts

Title: Smut Bunnies - Mission: Improbable
Author: Chris Cook
Rating: NC-17, naturally
Summary: The world is in danger from a crazed porn star with an ancient artefact - Smut Bunnies to the rescue!
Spoilers: None.
Copyright: Based on characters from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, James Bond created by Ian Fleming, Mission Impossible created by Bruce Geller, Chance created by Amber Benson, and, oh god, tons of other stuff. All original material (there must be some somewhere in this) is copyright 2005 Chris Cook.
Feedback: I loooooove feedback Here, or to alia@netspace.net.au

Note: Okay, I'll be the first to admit this is ludicrous. But I've been real busy lately with other work, which I just today finished on, and writing W/T is my way of unwinding. Plus all the other stuff was serious, so I needed to unwind with some silliness. I hope you all enjoy it, yay to Debra for being just generally wonderful (as well as specifically wonderful in the various fics alluded to throughout the story), and everyone else who's participated in the challenges so far. There's a little surprise in this one for each and every one of you

Other Note: I'll be leaving feedback on both challenge threads as soon as I've caught up and read all the wonderful challenge fics in full. I'm afraid so far I've just had time to quickly skim through the assorted brilliance.

Paranoid Note: The smut's only a little piece, but I hope you like it. And I hope I did justice to Chance - borrowing a character created and written by the lovely Miss Benson is a pretty high standard in 'hard act to follow'.

Final Note: Regular updates for Smut Bunnies will resume shortly - this little fic notwithstanding, I just need a few days R&R before I hit the word processor again.

-----
[center]SMUT BUNNIES!
Mission: Improbable[/center]

Mediterranean Sea
Gulf of Lion - off the Côte D'Azur
1530 Hours (Sunday)

A luxury catamaran - equipped, were one to recognise them, with some very expensive and non-civilian radar and communications antennae - rested placidly on the calm sea, soaking up the bright sunlight streaming from a cloudless sky.

On the wide rear deck a curvaceous blonde in a white bikini, which proved quite inadequate to the task of covering her decently, lay on a sun lounge and stretched, murmuring to herself and stroking her lightly tanned abdomen. She smiled widely as she felt someone kneel beside her, between her and the sun, and a new hand joined hers, tracing the border between shadow and sunlight on her stomach.

"Ah, this is the life," Tara murmured happily. "I love field work." She opened her eyes, and her smile managed to widen as she saw Willow beside her, dressed in a bikini top and a cloth tied around her waist as a skirt, offering her a tall glass of juice.

"You don't get this kind of service in the office," she added with a wink.

"I could arrange it," Willow offered. "Provided there's a good lock on the office door?"

"You need privacy to give me a drink?" Tara asked.

"I didn't come out here just to give you a drink," Willow replied, blowing her a kiss. "M's last message said we'd be moved to a double office when we got back - we should give it a proper housewarming, don't you think? Office-warming, even?"

Tara parted her lips and Willow leaned over to kiss her, but just before she had the chance an urgent beeping interrupted them.

"Drat," she complained. "One of these days I'm going to conveniently 'forget' that we're supposed to have cellphones with us at all times, home and away."

"Let me know when," Tara sighed. "It'd be a waste if only one of us forgot." She flipped open her phone.

"Sorry to interrupt your time off," M said without preamble, "but we have a problem, and you two are the only team we've got. Link in via the satellite."

"Will do," Tara nodded, closing the phone.

"Will do," Willow sighed. "I guess 'do Will' will have to wait?"

"Will will wait?" Tara teased. "At least we got two days - on the last two assignments before we met, I had a whole hour between getting back and going out again."

"'Welcome home, back to the airport with ya,'" Willow grinned. Tara laughed and nodded.

-----

"What's up?" Willow asked. Inside the yacht an array of flat-screen monitors had emerged from sliding panels in the bulkheads. M, from the Ministry headquarters in London, surveyed the two agents, now slightly more modestly clad in silk dressing gowns.

"We have a situation," she said. "Eighteen hours ago Jasmine Ash escaped from Europol custody. She's on the loose, and considered extremely dangerous. We believe she intends to pursue her usual goal, and we've confirmed she's kidnapped at least one civilian already."

"I'm not familiar with her," Willow said. Tara shrugged.

"Fred?" M asked. A split-screen brought Winifred Burkle into view from her R&R office.

"Jasmine Ash was an adult movie star," she explained. "A good one - I guess y'all would say too good, as it turned out. She became obsessed with herself, to the exclusion of all other performers in her field, and turned evil. Her life's goal now is to have all smut in the world service her. She started off sabotaging other films and writers, then moved to cyber-crime to shut down websites that competed with her own. She was arrested and was to be brought to trial."

"And that's when she escaped?" Willow surmised.

"Apparently the officer in charge of her detention was a friend of hers from their school days," M said. "He had a crush on her, and she has an almost hypnotic effect on people who fall for her. He'd blanked out the security cameras for six hours before anyone knew she was gone."

"You said we were the only team you've got?" Tara asked. "Why's that? Are all the other Bunnies on assignment?"

"No," M shook her head, "it's to do with the civilian hostage. So far as we're aware, Jasmine's current scheme involves some kind of artefact that she believes has magical properties. This artefact was imported, illegally, into Los Angeles, but there was a mix-up in shipping and it went on sale at a market instead of being kept in storage. A local woman bought it - that's why Jasmine had her abducted. And this is the woman in question."

A new image appeared on the monitors, and Willow and Tara both gasped in surprise.

"It's-" Willow began.

"Me!" Tara said in shock.

"Her name is Chance," M said. "She has no connection to any of this, all our files confirm she's an innocent bystander. But as you can see, she's an almost identical match for Agent Shy Bunny. That's why I'm assigning you two. Jasmine hasn't arrived in the US yet - if you can beat her there, you can switch places, and have the opportunity to locate her base of operations when you're taken there for whatever scheme she has in mind. We're sending Kitten One to transport you both, it should be there any minute now. Agent Cheerleader Bunny will be your backup, she's already in LA."

Willow and Tara looked up as the drone of a turbojet engine slowly grew outside, and the boat started to rock on shallow waves.

"Good luck, Bunnies," M said in closing.

-----

Kitten One - Hypersonic Ministry Transport Aircraft
Currently passing over Spain, heading west
1600 Hours GMT

"This is too strange," Tara said, staring between a mirror and a print-out of Chance's photo.

"Are you okay?" Willow asked, massaging her shoulders gently.

"I think so," she nodded. "I feel kind of... I don't know. An odd sort of restlessness, I guess."

"Not every day you find a twin," Willow agreed. "Especially one you're only very vaguely related to, that is weird. Though, I really don't look like my mother at all, much, but go back to my great-great-grandmother... or maybe great-great-great-grandmother, there's some large number of greats involved anyway... and but for the wild west clothes you could swear it was me. Genetics play strange tricks."

"Wild west?" Tara asked, glad of the distraction. "You'd look pretty cute in a cowboy hat, you know. Nice waistcoat, tight pants, leather boots with spurs..."

"Yee-haw," Willow grinned. "Nah, she was a teacher, sort of. She'd travel around and stop at towns all over the place to weave her desert magic, telling all the children wild stories, educating them about the world outside their own little patch, making sure they had all their lessons learned, that kind of thing."

"Very commendable," Tara nodded. "You'd make a good teacher... you've certainly taught me a lot of interesting things I doubt I'd ever have learned anywhere else."

"I thought you preferred being the teacher, Miss Maclay," Willow said, adopting an adorably innocent expression that almost managed not to be undone by the way she leaned forward over Tara's shoulder, so she could see right down the front of her top in the mirror.

"Maybe it's time for my favourite student to have a lesson," Tara purred, reaching for a button on the console beside her chair. A section of the floor slid back to reveal a spa bath beneath, well-stocked with various scented oils and massage lotions, but unfortunately the tub itself seemed to be full.

"That's... odd," Willow frowned.

"That's odd," Tara agreed. "I mean... jello, okay, but jello in a blow-up baby pool, itself in a spa bath... isn't that kind of redundant, somewhere along the line?" Willow leaned forward and picked a note off the side of the spa.

"Oh," she said, handing it to Tara - it read '#113: inflatable pool + jello'. "Anya's smut challenge - lists were posted on the notice boards in the headquarters. Kind of like a scavenger hunt, only with, y'know, smut... She promised any device imaginable for the first agent to score the full two hundred."

"Two hundred," Tara chuckled, pressing the button to close the spa up again. "I wonder what the others are?" She idly opened a compartment beside her seat, looking for the plane's entertainment system remote control, and yelped when a helium-filled inflatable sheep with '#76' written on its side burst out of the hatch.

"I take it back," she said, as she watched the sheep bob around the ceiling, and Willow dissolved in a fit of giggles. "I'm not wondering that any more, ever."

-----

Kitten One - Hypersonic Ministry Transport Aircraft
Currently passing over the US east coast, heading west
1800 Hours GMT

"Come in Kitten One, do you read me? Over."

"Loud and clear, Buffy," Willow replied, as she and Tara donned their leather espionage gear. "What's the sitch?"

"They took Chance out of LA, I just found out about it - they pulled a switch with vehicles and I lost her for an hour, only just caught up."

"Okay, what's the sitch of the switch?" Willow asked patiently, doing up the zipper running up the front of her outfit.

"I tracked her down to Las Vegas," Buffy replied. "Jasmine's jet is still in flight from Paris, you'll beat her here easily. The artefact is still with Chance, they're holding her in Caesar's Palace."

"Good, we'll make our switch on schedule," Tara replied, reaching around Willow and unzipping her outfit again.

"We're supposed to be getting ready," Willow complained, very half-heartedly - more like one-sixteethedly - as Tara's hand snuck down into her suit and started prowling around her lower abdomen.

"I am getting ready," Tara replied calmly. "Hmm... planning a commando raid, are we?" Willow chuckled, then lightly slapped Tara's arm until she reluctantly withdrew.

"Thanks Buffy," she said, zipping up her suit again, "we'll be in touch when we land. Out. You," she added to Tara, after Buffy had signed off, "are a thoroughly naughty girl."

"Uh-huh," Tara murmured, slowly pulling her jacket back to expose her shoulders. "We've got twenty minutes before we land... do you think that's enough time to properly punish me?" Willow gulped.

"God you're naughty," she said, pulling her zip open again.

-----

Las Vegas, Nevada
Caesar's Palace Hotel & Casino - Theatre back entrance
1700 Hours Local Time

"I've got a fix on her location with thermals," Buffy reported from her helicopter, whirring about above the Strip.

"We're at the theatre door," Tara said. "Hurry up, Willow. We're going to be late."

"But the kitty," Willow protested, crouching a few feet away scratching a well-fed cat behind the ears. "Aw, you're so cute, aren't you?" she cooed to it. Tara laughed softly and shook her head in mock-despair.

"Go in, third door on your left." Buffy said. "You'll be right beneath her, Fred said the blueprints show a service duct running up behind the rooms, in the south wall. You can use that to get in."

"Hey cutie," Tara said as Willow joined her, and the cat sauntered over and began arching its back against her leg. Tara chuckled and opened her roll of lock-picks.

"Gus is the cat at the theatre door," she sang as she worked at the door.

"Lucky Gus - I guess word must've got around about how nice it is to rub up against your leg," Willow quipped as the door opened and they proceeded inside.

"No offence, but could you guys switch me off the radio circuit when you want to flirt?" Buffy asked.

"Oops," Willow muttered, as she and Tara turned matching shades of red.

"Only Faith's been in Africa since Friday, and it's kind of cramped up in the helicopter for a girl who's feeling a bit antsy," Buffy went on, "and listening to you two isn't helping my situation, if you know what I mean-"

"Acknowledge that, stand by," Tara said quickly, hugging Willow around the shoulders and lightly bonking their foreheads together. They quickly made their way to the room Buffy had indicated, and Willow produced a compact power drill to open the grille to the service duct.

"This bag is really uncomfortable for crawling through ducts," she muttered as she and Tara crawled inside and began awkwardly climbing to the next floor. "Come to the coast, we'll get together, we'll have a few laughs..."

"What was that?" Tara asked in confusion.

"Die Hard," Willow replied. "Tell me you've seen Die Hard?"

"Not really my kind of movie," Tara grinned.

"Okay granted," Willow admitted, "but Alan Rickman in that, they just don't make villains any better. I mean this Jasmine Ash, with the artefacts and the kidnappings and sleeping around and weird porn-star megalomania... that's just confused. Hans Gruber knew where it was at, villainy-wise."

"Alright, alright," Tara shook her head, smiling. "When we get back I'll check it out, in the interests of recognising good villainy when I see it."

"Okay then," Willow agreed, satisfied. "I'm just sayin', is all..."

They emerged into a sparsely-furnished room containing a weatherbeaten old couch, a breakfast table with a stone cylinder resting on it, some chairs, and a very irate young woman tied to one of them. Willow dropped her bag to the floor and kicked it twice for good measure.

"Shh," she advised as the captive opened her mouth. "You're Chance, right? We're here to help." She paused, struck by the uncanny resemblance between the woman and Tara.

"Okay," Chance said, "this is one weird dream now - and it wasn't too sane to begin with. Did you guys know I've been kidnapped?"

"Yeah," Willow said, as Chance and Tara stared at each other in puzzlement. "Yeah, um, we're the rescue team. Willow Rosenberg, Tara Maclay, pleased to meet you. We'll have you back in LA before you know it."

"I wish," Chance grumbled. "My boyfriend sleeps with his watch, he'd have realised the moment I was later turning up than he figured I'd accidentally be anyway."

"Sleeps with his watch," Tara repeated.

"So far as threesomes go, I can live with that," Chance shrugged. "Do I get untied, or do I have to bring the chair along for the ride?" Tara set to undoing the ropes restraining the woman.

"So, you guys are like a pair of Jane Bonds?" Chance asked. "You and Talia McCay here?"

"Maclay," Tara said. "Tara Maclay."

"Oh, that was totally the 'Bond, James Bond' thing," Chance grinned. "So is this kind of rescue thing just your everyday run-of-the-mill job?"

"Yep," Willow said brightly, picking up the stone cylinder and examining it. "Just a day in the life. Well, more like an afternoon, really... Sunday afternoon to be exact, seeing as they don't give us the weekend off. Supervillains rarely stick to the five-day working week, which is very inconsiderate of them, but consideration for others really isn't a supervillain-y trait in any case-"

"Does she always do that?" Chance asked Tara.

"She does," Tara nodded fondly.

"Funny... stuff like this doesn't happen on weekends, usually." Chance shrugged, then turned to a theoretical camera and self-narrated: "I like weekends, no surprises. This is more a Wednesday thing. I have wacky Wednesdays a lot, this would fit right in."

"Buffy," Willow said, flipping open her cellphone and setting it to speaker, "we're in, we've got Miss Talkative - we're ready for Plan A."

"I'll get Fred on the line," Buffy said. "We'll need her help for the artefact switcheroo."

"And Anya too," Willow suggested. "It may need mechanical expertise to open."

"What kind of a name is Buffy?" Chance asked.

"What kind of a name is Chance?" Buffy retorted. Willow and Tara exchanged an amused grin.

"Okay, your friendly neighbourhood mechanical genius is here," Anya's voice came from the phone.

"Me too," Fred added.

"Apparently," Chance said in an aside to her imaginary camera, "spies like conference calling. A lot."

"Okay," Willow said, ignoring her. "The artefact is pretty much as the archaeological database described, and I think we're right in thinking it's a coded container."

"There's nothing significant about the artefact itself," Fred surmised. "Jasmine Ash must be after whatever's inside of it."

"Okay there's two end pieces and two rotary segments," Willow said. "Letters on each, a full alphabet - I'm guessing it's puzzle time."

"Dan Brown has a lot to answer for," Tara chuckled.

"The inscription on the end piece reads, 'Green grow the lilacs four, S/M one, three,' and then a blank space."

"I figured it was kind of cool to own a genuine artefact with S&M written on it," Chance offered. "Not my thing, but man, that's pretty funny anyway."

"S-M," Anya muttered in puzzlement.

"Green grow... seasons!" Fred exclaimed. "I get it, move the segments to W/T."

"How do you figure that?" Anya asked.

"Easy," Fred replied. "The answer is the third season, winter - W/T, season 3, y'all get it? S/M for summer, first season - it's syllabic breakdown. And plants grow in spring - count it off, spring gets the number four. Three is winter - win-ter, W-T."

"That's the silliest puzzle I've ever seen," Willow muttered, turning the segments to show 'W' and 'T'. The end of the cylinder screwed off, letting another, slimmer cylinder drop onto the table.

"It's doing a Russian doll thing," Willow sighed. "Next puzzle, again two rotary segments, each has... wow, dozens of words on it, whoever designed this liked carving real small. The end reads, 'You'll revealed what once was parted.' And their grammar sucked."

"It's a clue to a two-word series," Fred muttered to herself. "The deliberate mistake has to be deliberate..."

"Otherwise it wouldn't be a deliberate mistake," Anya added cheerfully.

"Got it," Fred said with barely a pause. "Does anyone want a hint?"

"Please - the series," Anya sighed. "If possible, without the attendant lording it over those of us who can't make head nor tail of cryptic crosswords."

"I always liked cryptography compared to other career paths. Diverged/Divulged, Will, check if those words are on the segments? See, 'you'll' is a clue to the letters 'u' and 'l' - say them together, 'ul'."

"The ancients spoke leet?" Willow muttered. "The words are here, I'm lining them up now."

"'Revealed' is divulged," Fred went on, "and u-l are the only two letters different from 'diverged' - parted."

"She must be great at parties," Chance commented idly.

"It's open," Willow reported, as the cylinder screwed open. This time a slender, smooth-edged jade rod dropped into her hand, which she held up and aimed her cellphone at.

"Getting video now," Anya confirmed. "I don't recognise it... where's Lara Croft when you need her?"

"I could go get changed," Tara offered, eliciting a giggle from Willow.

"Speaking of getting changed," she recovered, "shouldn't you?"

"Oh, yeah," Tara said, turning to Chance. "You, undress."

"Okay now this is getting too weird," Chance said, raising her hands. "Not that I have any specific objection to you, I've had a lot of good times alone with a body substantially like yours, on several occasions in front of a mirror - you're cute too," she added to Willow, "but-"

"In the bathroom," Tara sighed. "We swap clothes, the bad guys take me instead of you, I find out where their evil lair is, Willow and I kick butt, the world is saved. Okay?"

"And, the kicking butt part won't be a problem, if this Ash chick has lots of minions?" Chance asked.

"Nuh-uh," Willow shook her head. "They're minions, successful butt-kicking is inevitable with minions."

"Here's some clothes," Tara added, tossing Chance a bag. She shrugged and retreated into the bathroom.

"Strange girl," Willow commented.

"We've got a match," Fred announced. "The Ministry archaeological database has that thingy listed as the Culmination of Venus. It's a... erm... toy... for inserting in places..."

"Ew, I touched it!" Willow exclaimed.

"Since when have you been squeamish about dildos?" Anya asked. "I've seen the usage stats on your last mission's equipment, and-"

"Other people's dildos, no thanks," Willow clarified. "Does it have any actual unusual properties, or is it just folklore stuff?"

"It's hard to say," Fred explained, "there's no scientific proof of magical or mystical powers, but some of these old artefacts have been recorded to have some very strange permutations of the laws of physics attached to them... according to the database, the Culmination is... oh boy."

"Bad?" Tara asked.

"Very bad," Fred replied. "If, ahem, 'put to use' by a worthy vessel, the legend says that the artefact will mystically connect all woman in the world, everywhere, and draw all their climaxes into the single vessel."

"So, Jasmine thinks..." Tara summarised.

"...she's gonna steal everyone's orgasms!" Anya exclaimed. "You guys have to stop her, I need my orgasms!"

"Well, there's no actual proof it'd work," Fred offered.

"But best to keep it well out of Jasmine's hands just in case," Willow said with a shiver. "Okay, I'm putting the surprise present in the cylinder now... closing it up..." She resealed the slim cylinder, reinserted it in the larger one, and then sealed that too. At the same time, Chance sauntered out of the bathroom wearing a standard agent outfit.

"This," she said, "is cool - can I keep it?"

"Um," Willow said, looking between the two leather-clad women in front of her.

"Sure, whatever," Tara said, lightly whacking Willow on the back of her head, and grinning indulgently at her.

"So what next?" Chance asked.

"Next, we'll have a jet take you home," Tara explained, "I stay here in your place, and clothes, and continue being the abductee, and Willow's challenge will be to find a way to get into wherever it is Jasmine takes me."

"I'll get in," Willow promised. "Don't worry baby, I've got your back, always."

"I know," Tara smiled, giving her a brief kiss.

-----

Nevada Desert
1 Hour from Las Vegas
1900 Hours Local Time

"We've turned off the main road, no more scorching highways," Tara's whispered voice came through Willow's headset. Willow stared at the monitor showing a satellite image of the convoy carrying Tara into the desert, while Buffy piloted the helicopter, and the sun neared the horizon behind them.

"Do you see any distinguishing features?" Willow asked. "The view's a bit hazy from the satellite now that the light's going, but we don't risk getting too close with the helicopter yet."

"I see tumbleweeds," Tara offered.

"No kidding? Actual tumbleweeds? Are they tumbling?" Willow asked.

"They'd just be weeds otherwise," Tara chuckled softly. "There's a big neon sign, it's facing the other way, I can't read it, but it looks run-down... I see an empty pool, a car park..."

"Some sort of tumbleweed private resort?" Willow wondered.

"There's an abandoned resort complex in that area," Fred interjected. "Blueprints have an airstrip attached, they may be taking Tara for a flight. Bringing it up on the satellite thermal scan now..."

"I can hear jet engines," Tara said. "A big plane by the sound of it... a Boeing- no, an Antonov."

"Nothing on heat or ground radar," Anya said, the frown audible in her voice. "They must've rigged it for stealth."

"We could try a mid-air docking once they're up and away," Buffy suggested, "but I don't like the chances of going into the wash of a jet that big without being tossed around and seen."

"We're picking up a satellite uplink from that location," Fred said. "Anya, can you read that?"

"Intercepted and decoded," Anya said happily. "It's a guest list, Miss Ash is assembling quite a team of black market antiquities experts... Carlsson, Engelberg, Meechum... Jasmine's people are uploading identity checks and getting results relayed back to them from the satellite."

"Jasmine must want to confirm the artefact before she attempts to use it," M theorised.

"There's other vehicles approaching the airstrip," Fred added. "Ground and air. That'd be the guests."

"Buffy, take us in," Willow said suddenly. "Anya, can you break into the uplink and add me to the list?"

"Can do," Anya confirmed.

"That's my way in," Willow nodded. "I'm coming Tara." The helicopter swooped forward as the sun set behind it.

-----

Nevada Desert
Abandoned Airstrip
1930 Hours Local Time

Willow waited nervously in a line of shady-looking art dealers and disreputable archaeologists, as Jasmine's black-helmeted minions checked each of them one by one. She caught a glimpse of Tara being escorted aboard the huge Antonov air transport, surrounded by minions, and fought not to react visibly.

"I see you baby," she whispered inconspicuously.

"Mmm-hmm," Tara confirmed.

"Signal when it's okay to talk."

"Mm-hm."

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jasmine Ash said, getting the group's attention. "You are here to bear witness to an historic event - my ascendancy to virtual godhood, as the divine, supreme being of humanity's erotic arts. You will each have your part to play in ensuring that everything goes to plan, but before that, I should introduce you to a little security measure, to ensure that all of you go to plan."

She stood aside to reveal a small spherical machine, hovering on the thrust of three miniature turbofans mounted around its perimeter. Its surface was dotted with lenses and sensors, and a long needle extended from its front.

"This is a Seeker," Jasmine explained. "It is capable of flawless facial recognition. Each of you has had your facial features scanned, and these scans will be programmed into the Seeker. If I order it, the Seeker will hunt you down, personally, and kill you. There will be nowhere to hide - once we take off we'll be heading straight for my headquarters, and there will be no stops along the way. The needle contains spectro-toxic poison - I'm told it's an extremely unpleasant way to die. Serve me well and you'll be amply rewarded. Betray me, and you will find out just how unpleasant a death it is."

"They've put me in a cell," Tara reported. "No surveillance. How's it going?"

"Jasmine's just giving the usual supervillain's-unique-mode-of-execution introductory speech," Willow whispered. "I'll get away from the group as soon as I can and come get you out."

She and the others were politely herded aboard the plane, which closed its rear loading ramp, taxied to the end of the long airstrip, turned, and with a roar of engines launched itself forward, and finally into the sky.

-----

Jasmine Ash's Antonov Transport
Above the Pacific Ocean, heading west
1 Hour Flight Time

"Are you okay?" Willow asked as she snuck into Tara's cell, a converted passenger cabin.

"Fine," Tara assured her. "Did you have any trouble giving Jasmine's minions the slip?"

"Nah, they're minions," Willow shook her head. "Let get out of here and cause a ruckus, huh?"

"Actually I've got a better idea," Tara said. "Half an hour ago Jasmine came in here to explain what she wanted with 'me' - Chance, technically. It seems as the artefact's owner I'm the only one who can open it without destroying its contents."

"Well, I managed," Willow shrugged.

"Yep, she's a little nuts," Tara nodded. "She said she'd take me to the plane's computer control room to open the artefact for her. I don't think she knows about the second cylinder, she only mentioned it needing one code, and apparently it took her three years to decode so I don't think we're in danger on that count."

"Not a Times crossword gal," Willow chuckled. "Getting into the control centre could be useful though - if you could surreptitiously hotwire a control panel, you might be able to start a feedback loop in the satellite uplink, and cause a spike big enough that the Ministry will be able to track the plane."

"Leading them right to Jasmine's hideout," Tara nodded. "But you'd have a better chance of rigging the controls than me."

"True," Willow admitted, "but she's not going to let me into the control room. Guests are confined to the passenger deck."

"I've got a plan," Tara said. "I slipped an IM kit into my boot back at the hotel, just in case..."

-----

Jasmine Ash's Antonov Transport
Above the Pacific Ocean, heading west
1.5 Hours Flight Time

Several minutes later Willow slipped out of the cell cabin, flexing her shoulders uncomfortably, and made her way stealthily back to the passenger deck, aided by the general ineptness of Jasmine's sentry minions.

"Miss Rosenberg!" someone called out just as she entered the lounge, where various ne'er-do-wells of the antiquities world were appropriately lounging. She turned to see Jasmine Ash herself smiling blandly at her.

"I sent for you almost twenty minutes ago," she went on. "I'd almost despaired of finding you - which would be most puzzling, on a sealed aircraft." Over her shoulder the Seeker hovered menacingly.

"Your guard must've gotten lost," Willow replied. "I saw one of them wandering the halls looking confused." Jasmine relaxed and smiled more warmly.

"Ah, yes," she nodded, "regrettably that often happens... I'm glad you're here nonetheless, I have prepared a short speech for my guests, on the subject of my imminent ascension to erotic godhood, I wouldn't want anyone to miss out."

"No, of course not," Willow smiled brightly, taking a seat. She leaned her elbow on the armrest and propped up her head with her hand, allowing her to whisper, "Oh, wonderful," into her tiny radio without being noticed.

"Something wrong?" Tara's voice emerged in her ear.

"No, our host's just gone into megalomaniacal speech mode," Willow grumbled.

"Thank you all for your attention," Jasmine began. "You're all busy men and women so to keep this as brief as possible I've pared my speech down to roughly two hours..."

"They don't tell you about this during recruiting," Willow complained. "Just the legions of armed guards trying to kill you, people locking you into exploding rooms and trying to feed you to carnivorous housepets... no-one ever mentioned the godawful villain speeches."

"They always hide the bad stuff in the fine print," Tara replied.

-----

Jasmine Ash's Antonov Transport
Above the Pacific Ocean, heading west
12 Hours Flight Time

The door to Tara's cell cabin opened, and a pair of burly minions pushed her back inside, closing the door behind her.

"Right," she growled. "Extra butt-kicking for you two." She checked her watch, on which a light glowed green, then activated her concealed radio earpiece.

"Is it safe to talk?" she asked.

"Not a problem," Willow's voice replied. "I'm in my room. I did have a roommate at one point - who said he liked 'fiesty redheads' by the way - but he seems to have decided solitude is the preferably option."

"What did you do to him?" Tara asked, sitting down and smiling.

"Me? Nothing," came the reply. "In fact I was very kind, I even demonstrated the proper technique for throwing the ceremonial blades he was carrying as part of his show-off collection."

"That's my girl," Tara grinned. "Always thinking of others."

"How are you sweetie?"

"Fine, can't complain," Tara replied. "Well, actually I can complain, having just been present for one of Jasmine's villainess-rants on the subject of how stupid her archaeology-minions are for not knowing that her stolen artefact had an inner cylinder. That took about three hours. Then she started into them about how they should already know what the solution to the second code series was, and that was actually good for four hours more. I kind of zoned out after that. Actually I'm not sure if she ordered her minions to take me back to my room, or if they just did it on their own because they figured she'd take too long to remember I was there otherwise."

"And the signal?"

"It's kind of careless of them to leave an unwilling guest such as myself standing near a communications console, without proper supervision," Tara grinned impishly. "Buffy should have started picking up a signal she can trace about two hours ago."

"Good work. So, nothing to do but sit tight and wait for us to land."

"Guess so," Tara nodded, sighing. "I really wish you were here..."

"In your cell?" Willow's voice sounded highly amused. "Should I be worried about your sudden predilection for getting me helplessly incarcerated?"

"You can worry if you want," Tara smiled. "But I hardly think you'd ever qualify as 'helpless'... not with that thing you do, the little smile on one side of your lips, and the steamy stare."

"Oh, that little trick has a certain sway over you, does it?"

"In a sense," Tara laughed. "The sense of being able to bring me to my knees showering kisses on your feet every time I see it. And then working my way up."

"Hmm... you're not the only one regretting your solitude," Willow chuckled. "But I think I may have a temporary solution... put on your glasses."

Tara pulled the pair of sunglasses out of her pocket and put them on. For a moment all she saw was her locked cabin, substantially darker of course, then the lenses lit up and she was seeing Willow. The view shifted slightly as Willow reached out, her hand looming large as she adjusted the camera at her end, resting on something at about chest-height, then she smiled and stood back.

"Can I tempt you?" she said through the radio.

"Baby, you could tempt me in your sleep," Tara murmured. Before her eyes Willow smiled and let her jacket fall from her shoulders, revealing her pale grey blouse. She undid the buttons one by one, pausing with each one to let her audience see each new stretch of skin revealed, as the vee of the neck deepened button by button.

"Mmm," Tara purred. "Lickable..." Willow just smiled, and slowly pulled her arms free of the blouse, letting it drop to the floor alongside her jacket. She reached behind her waist and undid the short zip holding her skirt tight, grinning seductively as it slid down the length of her legs.

Tara's mouth dried as Willow reached behind herself, arching her back as she undid her bra. The garment sprung free, releasing two generous breasts that the redhead cupped and stroked, tweaking the nipples to hardness.

"I know just what your face must look like now," she said mischievously.

"Yeah?" Tara asked, her voice unsteady.

"Oh yeah... and I know how wet you're getting." She released her breasts and slowly slid her panties off her hips, letting them fall. "Together?"

"Together," Tara breathed, quickly unbuttoning her jeans. She thrust a hand inside, beneath her own panties, and breathed: "...now..."

The two women sighed and shuddered together as they slid into their moist, welcoming centres. Tara watched Willow's motions and copied them exactly, stroke for stroke, her eyes devouring the elegant thighs, the curve of waist and hip, the gentle swaying and shuddering of breasts, the open-mouthed, shut-eyed expression of bliss on her partner's face.

"Oh yes baby," she whispered, pumping her fingers inside herself. "Oh that's good, you're in me..."

"Yesss," Willow's voice hissed through the radio.

"You're so hot," Tara moaned, "so wet, so perfect... come for me baby... I'm going to... please baby, together..."

"Together..."

"Oh... oh..." Tara sighed, fighting to keep her voice down, as her hand moved between her legs, thrusting deeply, lustily. Before her eyes Willow lay back on the bed in her cabin, planting her feet and raising her hips high, giving her an unrestricted view of herself as she plunged her fingers into her core.

"Yesssss," they breathed, together at heart.

-----

Jasmine Ash's Antonov Transport
Above the Pacific Ocean, heading west
24 Hours Flight Time

"Hey... hello? Anyone? Evil villain's lair up ahead, if anyone's interested," Buffy's voice faded in over the radio. Willow blinked and sat up from where she had been dozing in her cabin's single bed, idly imagining the warmth of her lover next to her.

"Buffy?" she asked sleepily.

"Were you asleep?" Buffy asked. "God I wish I could sleep on a plane! How do you do that?"

"Meditation," Willow smiled. "The key to being a long-distance flight survivor. Ash is landing? Where are we?"

"Small island off the coast of India," Buffy replied. "I've got your backs, and support teams are on the way."

"I'll tell Willow," Willow said. "Out."

-----

Indian Ocean
Jasmine Ash's Hidden Lair
1300 Hours Local Time

Rows of trees, which proved to be mounted on rails, slid out of the way to reveal a long airstrip, as the huge Antonov transport came in to land. A hangar door opened in the side of the island's lone mountain, allowing ground crews to jog out and help the aircraft taxi safely inside.

Once the plane was secured and hooked up to gantries, Jasmine's minions herded her various guests, and Tara, out and into a spacious amphitheatre which had been specially prepared for the occasion. Jasmine stood on the stage, behind a dais covered in red silk, with the artefact's inner cylinder resting on top of it. Her audience quickly took their seats, with just the usual squabbling about places expected of international criminals. The Seeker hovered menacingly in the shadows behind Jasmine, while Tara was guarded at the side of the stage, two minions holding her politely but firmly.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Jasmine began, "you are gathered here for a momentous occasion. You all well know the love the world has for me - today, in front of you privileged few, that love will be made reality. The ultimate expression of passion, the climax, will be drawn from every living woman on this planet, drawn to me! What more perfect state could there be? I will literally become the centre of the world's love, passion and desire! You are so privileged to be present for this momentous event..."

"Good god this woman can talk," Tara's voice said in Willow's ear.

"I wish I'd brought a deck of cards," she agreed.

-----

Indian Ocean
Jasmine Ash's Hidden Lair
1400 Hours Local Time

"...all remember my rise to prominence, in my first film, which shone with potential through its limited budget, and the admittedly workmanlike performances of my co-stars - though I suppose I should not be so harsh, for how could they not pale into insignificance in comparison? 'Appetite For Love' was a marvel of its genre, a landmark that, I would argue, is yet to be equalled by any in the field. Except myself, of course..."

Willow stifled a yawn.

-----

Indian Ocean
Jasmine Ash's Hidden Lair
1500 Hours Local Time

"...the backward-thinking and detrimental attitudes of the nepotistic few, who in spite of the obvious superiority of myself as a focus of the world's lustful attention, continue to waste their time and money in futile attempts to promote other so-called 'adult stars'. But fortunately my legion of fans are far too discriminating for such tawdry tricks - as the great bard would say, the play's the thing, and my performances outshine any manufactured 'popularity' surrounding my competitors..."

"Guys," Tara said quietly to her captors. "Do you suppose we could sit down, or something?" The minions exchanged glances, then led their captive off stage and sat in the front row, having vacated three slumbering antiquities dealers.

"I hate it when villains quote Shakespeare," Willow sighed.

-----

Indian Ocean
Jasmine Ash's Hidden Lair
1600 Hours Local Time

"...and I shall perform the next part of my speech in interpretive dance."

"The hell?" Buffy asked. "Did I hear that right?"

-----

Indian Ocean
Jasmine Ash's Hidden Lair
1700 Hours Local Time

"...now the moment you have all been waiting for!"

The audience perked up and collectively rubbed the sleep out of its eyes.

"It is now only one hour until the moment when..."

A defeated sigh passed around the auditorium.

"God, can't we just skip it?" Willow moaned to herself.

-----

Indian Ocean
Jasmine Ash's Hidden Lair
1800 Hours Local Time

"And now," Jasmine said, lifting the cylinder in her hands, "the code series that will unlock this, the instrument of my ascension to divinity - the two words that will unseal this ancient relic, the contents of which have not seen the light of day since-"

"Yesterday," Willow muttered to herself.

"Direction/Digression!" Jasmine proclaimed, twisting the cylinder's segments.

"Huh?" Tara's voice said.

"Well, I guess the archaeological world's criminal underbelly has a lot to learn," Willow shrugged. On the stage Jasmine appeared to be in some difficulty.

"Why won't this blasted thing open!" she demanded of everyone in general. "You!" she proclaimed, pointing around the auditorium. "You've betrayed me! One of you has attempted to sabotage my moment of glory! All for naught though, for I am not so easily defeated. Seal the room!" The auditorium's various exits were closed by minions, who stood guard vigilantly.

"The Seeker will kill you all, one by one," Jasmine hissed. "Now you learn the price of betraying me!"

"We can't let her kill everyone!" Tara protested.

"I've got it covered," Willow said, standing up. "Hey! Jasmine, up here! Mea culpa!"

"I see your conscience has gotten the better of you," Jasmine grinned, with an air of superiority that very nearly made both Willow and Tara laugh. "But it will do you no good! Seeker - kill Willow Rosenberg!"

The hovering machine swept up from the stage, through the crowd of people clambering over each other to get out of its way, homing in unfailingly on Willow. She stood calmly, waiting for it to approach, then when it seemed inevitable that it would strike her she quickly reached up to her neck, dug her fingers into a seam and pulled upwards. The mask came off, revealing Tara, smiling her lop-sided grin. The Seeker stopped in mid-air, deprived of its target, and hovered uncertainly.

"Surprise," Tara said, reaching forward and yanking the machine's main power cable out. She leapt over the seats in front of her, while the other Tara in the front row smiled at her dumbstruck captors, elbowed them both in the stomach, and sent them back to sleep with a pair of chops to the backs of their necks when they bent over.

There was an explosion from outside, and alarms started blaring. The remaining minions, who were already looking distinctly nervous at the current turn of events, opened the doors and fled.

"You fools!" Jasmine shouted after the two Taras as they made their escape. "I was on the verge of godhood! Divinity! Eternal splendour!"

"Hey!" Willow said, pulling off her mask and turning. "The code is 'diverged/divulged'!" Jasmine boggled at her as she and Tara turned and raced back towards the hangar, then grabbed at the cylinder and started turning its segments desperately.

-----

Indian Ocean
Jasmine Ash's Hidden Lair (hangar)
1810 Hours Local Time

"Well that should shut her up," Willow grinned as she and Tara raced along a catwalk and down to ground level.

"Why," Tara asked, "what did you put in there after you took the Culmination out?"

"Remember all that jello?" Willow chuckled. Tara nodded. "All of it," Willow said, "the whole poolful, in that tiny capsule, pressure-sealed." Tara grinned, then laughed out loud. From the direction of the auditorium there came a loud, wet-sounding explosion and an enraged shriek, followed by a string of profanities.

"My my," Tara said, feigning shock. "She swears like a sailor."

"I can't think why," Willow grinned. "I sincerely doubt it's the first time she's been covered in jello." She looked around. "What's the best way out, do you think?"

"Roof," Tara said. "The support teams would've come in via a helipad, or something like that."

"Actually I was thinking a maintenance shaft out onto the airstrip," Willow said.

"Call Buffy," Tara decided.

"Buffy?" Willow asked. "Conflict of opinion, advice needed. What's the quickest way out of here from where we are? I'm sending a video feed now." She held up a tiny camera and panned it around the hangar.

"Okay, see those crates off to your left?" Buffy asked.

"Yep."

"Go behind them." The two agents followed her directions.

"Now what?" Willow asked.

"Duck," Buffy said.

"Duck?" Willow wondered. "What does she mean 'duck'?" Tara grabbed her and pulled her down into a crouch, as the hangar doors exploded inward.

"She means duck, sweetie," Tara grinned, placing a kiss on Willow's lips. They peered over the crates to see Buffy steering an assault hovercraft into the hangar through what was left of its doors.

"Hi guys!" she called out. "Want a lift?"

-----

Mediterranean Sea
Gulf of Lion - off the Côte D'Azur
0930 Hours

Willow appeared on deck, carrying a tray with two glasses on it.

"Anything else I can get you?" she asked, setting the tray down next to the sun lounge where Tara was stretched out.

"Mmm, yeah, you," Tara replied, snaking an arm around her waist.

"Ooh!" Willow giggled. "You get frisky after we save civilisation as we know it... gotta do that more often."

"Uh-huh," Tara nodded. "The aprés-world-saving holiday cheer is always the best. Want some more sun lotion?"

"After our little lotion session earlier," Willow chuckled, "I think if I get any more lotion, I'll actually get paler the longer I lie here."

"Are you sure?" Tara purred, leaning up to whisper into Willow's ear. "It is the Ministry's patented lickable lotion... my favourite flavour... and I'm sure you'll enjoy how I apply it."

Willow's laughter, with the occasional giggling squeal and aroused moan, drifted out over the crystal-clear ocean.

[center]THE END
But Agents Shy Bunny and Adorabunny will return...[/center]

_________________
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

Okay...if I may respond to the shorts already posted...

justin: Great story...delightful sense of humor...my fav line (it was hard to choose)



terra21: Ooooh...return of Anyanka...I like. 'Tara' hitting on Xander was priceless. And, as many others have noted, great use of W/T Season 3 Y'all (I couldn't figure out a good way to use that one).

watson: That was quite a spell...getting the halfway around the world switch and all. And yay to goodie bags. You have a way of writing shorts that is quite pleasing.

wiccanbotanist: I like how there can be two similarly structured stories (due to the constricting parameters of the challenge) but have such different tones. This had a good awww factor...



Great job.

Artemis: Yay Chris...you graced us with a Smut Bunny tidbit...and wow what a good one. I think I laughed myself out with this...



Thank goodness our operatives went to the rescue...I shudder to think of that alterna world. And I have to bow to the way you incorporated all of those titles...btw thanks for the totally unnecessary but muchly appreciated one of my own. Great work.


And onto the replies....


cperrins78: Hi Christina...I'm glad you like the dog idea...never can tell what will happen when you put dogs on a Kitten board.

cooper: Hi Cooper..I figured the magical switch was going to be popular and I wanted to incorporate something a little different. I'm happy it worked for you.

GayNow: If I can please our respected Professor, then my job is done. Eagerly awaiting my next assignment.

wiccanbotanist: Well...it is all about the details isn't it? I thought if I had to characterize W/T as dogs that Tara would fit more into the role of a service dog with a gentle, calm temperament while Willow could be more of a high energy dog that is spazzy but very smart. Thanks.

watson: Thanks watson...I'm very much a dog person (I’ve volunteer trained some at humane shelters from time to time) and I thought this would be a fun spin. I couldn't resist naming a pack of capitalism inspired dogs for Anya.

Chris~

Thank you so much for contributing a story to the challenge! What a delight to see our favorite agents back on the job! You just don't know how much I've missed them.

This was a wonderfully creative piece, Chris. Really really great stuff here. I was laughing so much I cried. I love how you not only included Debra's titles in your story, but also added tidbits from all of the other wonderful contributors to the fic challenges. So wonderful!

I could easily provide quotes for my favorite lines in this fic, but I would just end up quoting about 99.44% of the story. So let me just say that I loved it! Loved it! Loved it!

Again, thanks for playing, Chris. When I saw your fic posted, I let out a delighted squeal as I raced to tell everyone I could that you had a fic on the challenge thread. Then I blocked out everything else and read. So great!

Carleen

_________________

Frivolous Views

Chris,

This was absolutely hysterical. OMG how many fic titles was that really? I think I counted like 7 or 8 at least. All of the little things added were great. I am wondering how long you worked on this or if it was just one of those things that writes itself.

And this was great



A little shout out to Debra?

cooper

Yes I could hear that squeal even though I was miles away and offline and traveling on a plane.

Wow, Chris, this is fic challenge writing of the highest highest quality ! You managed to incorporate ALL of Debra's fics (let me think, hmm, yes you did), elements from BOTH fic challenges, plus if I'm not mistaken, titles from the challenge entries (all of FC#2 and I think from FC#1 too, am I right?). I recognised mine and had a great time spotting the others. Masterful .

Your Chance is so fantastically in character, her comments to the camera, her caustic sacasm,

I think she'd make a fantastic Buffyverse character, don't you think?

Even though you warned that there's only a small amount of smut, I did not notice it was lacking. Snide comments such as

simply made me at the image that Anya had planted counters on her equipment . And your clever circumventing of "Smut in their own bodies" -- I wonder if the Professor spotted the sex in their own bodies but wearing each other's faces?


cooper said it already, but I HAVE to repeat how I loved the way you incorporated it into the fic so naturally. What a shout-out to Elvis, wowza .

_________________
quiet thoughts

Chris,
that was bloody brilliant!!

I was laughing the whole time, thank you for some more fic-challenge cheer!

Everything was perfect and I really liked how you incorporated all those titles... I really liked the ' Surivor. Ash is Land' lol or the W/T season 3 y'all...

I wish I could comment some more, hell your fic deserves a whole analysis! but I must dash now,

thank you!

~Arwen

First off, to the other challengers... . Justin, I loved Xander with the "other challenge confusion", and Willow's erroneous dismissal of Buffy's observational skills...excellent! terra, Willow stuttering at Anya was very cute, and I gotta agree with everyone that your use of W/T Season 3 Y'all was absolutely brilliant! Watson, your dialogue was so well done, so realistic, I could really hear them talking. And uh...nice ducky! wiccanbotanist, I am STILL laughing at the image of Willow in Tara's body yealling at Dawn. Hilarious! hermitfish...Cyd, this was just freaking adorable, put a smile on my face all day. Willow's "he's always broody" was wonderful! Artemis...Chris, just when I was going through Smut Bunnie withdrawal, you give me the fix I needed! Great story, and your use of ALL Debra's fic titles (and nick) was truly impressive. Thanks to all of you, and to Carleen for her inspired insanity![br][br][br]
Title: Eye of the Beholder (boy that makes it sound serious, doesn’t it? It’s really not…I hate writing titles)
Author: Tarawhipped (Cameron)
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Of course!
Distribution: Just for Pens.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. The opening dialogue borrowed/adapted from Tough Love.[br][br][br][br]
Tara let out an exasperated sigh and paused the dvd before addressing her girlfriend.[br]
“I mean...you really can't know what it's like to—”[br]
“I know that,” Willow snapped, rolling her eyes.[br]
“Can we just watch the show?” Tara asked, a hint of desperation in her plea.[br]
“I’m not really feeling Absolutely Fabulous right now.”[br]
“I didn't mean—,” the blonde began again, realizing the issue was not going to go away.[br]
“No, I just…I mean I know I can't know what you go through, I just... it's no big,” the redhead said dismissively, her tense frame saying otherwise.[br]
“I made you mad,” the blonde stated, pivoting on the bed to face Willow, who continued to stare at the image frozen on screen.[br]
“No, no.”[br]
“All I meant was that—”[br]
“No, I was snippy gal, it's just...I know I can't, on some level...it's like my opinion isn't worth anything because I don’t have big boobs,” the hurt redhead admitted, looking down at her chest morosely.[br]
“Well I'm not the expert, I mean, I’ve only got the two,” Tara quipped, hoping to lighten the mood. When her girlfriend continued to avoid her gaze, she added hesitantly “do I act like I'm the big Breast Woman?”[br]
“Not at all...it’s like you don’t even realize the advantage they give you.”[br]
“But you make it sound like it’s this wonderful thing, when really the attention isn’t all that great. I would much rather be your size,” she said sincerely.[br]
“I just feel like the junior partner sometimes,” Willow moped, crossing her arms over her chest. Tara’s expression grew concerned.[br]
“Have I ever given you reason to think I don’t love—”[br]
“Of course not…I just wonder sometimes if I can be enough for you.”[br]
“Sweetie, look at me,” the blonde entreated, cupping Willow’s right cheek and turning it toward her. “You are more than enough for me. M-maybe neither of us can ever know—”[br]
“But we can!” the redhead exclaimed suddenly, her eyes lighting up. “There’s a spell—”[br]
“A s-s-spell? I don’t know…it’s not really what magic is for.”[br]
“I know, but it’s harmless…it’ll just let us see from each other’s perspective for a little while.”[br]
Tara’s concerns over Willow’s increasing use of magic melted away under the power of her girlfriend’s ‘puppy dog’ look, and she leaned forward to capture her love’s lips in a lingering kiss.[br]
“Okay.”[br][br][br][br]
Willow and Tara sat on the floor of the blonde’s candlelit dorm room, facing each other within a circle of white sand. Their movements were mirror images as each dipped their fingers into a ceramic bowl and anointed the other at the center of the forehead, eyelids, and sternum. Their voices merged as one as they began to recite the spell Willow had transcribed from one of the Magic Box’s books.[br]
“Theia, Goddess of Sight,
grant us your blessing,
we who seek to follow,
paths diverged/divulged,
our offering to you,
that we may feel the other side.”[br]
A flash of light illuminated two pairs of eyes widened in shock for an instant before every candle snuffed out, pitching the room into blackness.[br]
“Tara?” Willow squeaked, her voice sounding unnatural to her ears.[br]
“Let me just…oof…get the lights.”[br]
Tara reached blindly for the switch and flicked it on, gasping in shock at the sight of herself still sitting on the floor, an equally shocked expression looking back at her.[br]
“Oh my god…Tara?”[br]
“Willow? What this supposed to happen?”[br]
“I don’t think so…we were only going to see…oh!” the hacker slapped her forehead and shot her lover a contrite expression. “I think I wrote ‘feel’ when it was ‘see’…I was kinda in a hurry.”[br]
“Willow! I can’t believe…hey, I feel so light,” Tara smiled, bouncing up and down.[br]
Willow climbed to her feet and grinned down at her enhanced boson.[br]
“Wow…would you look at those!”[br]
Tara, however, was too busy doing jumping jacks without fear of knocking herself unconscious to ogle her own breasts.[br]
“How long’s this going to last,” she asked.[br]
“We can change back whenever we want,” Willow replied, still staring at her new boobs. She furrowed her brow and looked at her girlfriend. “Did you…did you want to—”[br]
“We don’t have to, not right away…unless you wanted to.”[br]
“No! I’m fine…I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it.”[br]
“Of course, sweetie,” Tara beamed, dropping to the floor and doing a set of sit-ups.[br]
Willow opened the closet door and regarded herself in the full-length mirror, arching her back and twisting left and right.[br]
“Do you have any running shoes?” Tara asked, hopping to her feet. “I feel like going for a jog.”[br]
The girls hurried to Willow’s room, where Tara changed clothes, hugged her girlfriend, and set off for the track. Willow briefly perused the contents of her closet, before shaking her head and crossing to Buffy’s side. A wicked grin spread over her face as she found just what she was looking for.[br][br][br][br]
Later that day…[br]
A woman in a Sunnydale U. Women’s Track Team sweatshirt twirled her stopwatch from its lariat as she approached the unfamiliar redhead.[br]
“You run well…you ever thought about joining the squad?”[br][br][br][br]
A heavy-set man in a Jugs Bar and Grill shirt picked up the application with barbecue sauce stained fingers.[br]
“When can you start?”[br][br][br][br]
Two Days later…[br]
“It seems weird…doesn’t it seem weird? I think it’s weird.”[br]
“It’s definitely weird. You’d think they’d have gotten it out of their systems by now…wouldn’t you?”[br]
Xander and Buffy shrugged and went back to reading the stack of books Giles had left for them.[br][br][br][br]
Two weeks later…[br]
Tara breezed into her room, grinning brightly when she saw her girlfriend sitting at the desk. She sauntered over to her bookcase and added several gold-plated trophies to the half-dozen already there. Willow followed the action from the makeup mirror and smiled.[br]
“How’s my little track star?”[br]
“I can’t believe you never ran in your high school days, Sweetie…you’ve got the perfect build for it.”[br]
“I did plenty of running,” Willow insisted. “Of course, it was only when I was being chased by monsters, but that happened on a weekly basis.”[br]
“Are you going to work?” Tara asked, grabbing her bath kit and robe.[br]
“Mmhm,” Willow acknowledged, applying a generous coat of red lipstick.[br]
“Cool. Some of the girls from the team wanted to go out…thought we’d pay you a visit.”[br]
“Sounds great!” Willow enthused, blowing her girlfriend a kiss.[br][br][br][br]
Later that night…[br]
“Hi Buffy,” a sheepish voice sounded over the phone.[br]
“Hey Will, what’s up? This is still you, right?”[br]
“Yeah, um, me and Tara need your help.”[br]
“No problem. Does it involve slaying?”[br]
“Sorta. I need you to slay my bank account.”[br]
“Huh with the what?” Buffy could barely hear her best friend whimpering through the phone over the sound of voices and banging. “Where are you?”[br]
“We’re uh…in jail.”[br]
“You’re what?”[br]
“Tara was at the bar tonight and some guy grabbed my ass. It was ugly.”[br]
“The guy?”[br]
“The fight…the guy too, but that’s not the point. I need you to bail us out.”[br]
“Okay, wait a sec,” Buffy stalled, hitting the hold button on her cell phone and dialing Xander’s number. As soon as she had him on the line, she explained the situation and repeated the procedure with Giles. “Willow, you still there?”[br]
“Yeah, Buff…not exactly going anywhere,” she deadpanned.[br]
“Serves you right you little jailbird,” Xander teased.[br]
“Xander! What are you doing on the line?”[br]
“I thought it was time for an intervention, Will…in fact, get Tara on too,” Buffy commanded in her most authoritative Slayer tone.[br]
“Hewwo?”[br]
“Who’s that?” Xander asked.[br]
“It’s Tara,” Willow explained. “She’s got a busted lip. Now are you going to get us out of here or not?”[br]
“We should just leave you there,” Giles chastised. “But we won’t. As soon as you’re free however, the two of you are going to switch back and end this nonsense. I hope you’ve both learned your lesson.”[br]
Both girls mumbled in affirmation, and all parties hung up.[br][br][br][br]
Several hours later, at the Magic Box…[br]
Under Giles’ supervision, Willow and Tara prepared the spell, while Buffy stood off to the side, her hands on her hips. Anya looked on in amusement, oblivious to Xander trying unsuccessfully not to stare at his best friend in her girlfriend’s body.[br]
“Will, did I ever tell you about the dream I had after we defeated Adam?” he mused out loud, his wide eyes staring at the blonde in her short black skirt and white shirt loosely buttoned to reveal a black bra underneath. Anya’s open palm flew to the back of his head.[br]
“Okay…ow!”[br]
Willow looked down at herself.[br]
“Giles,” she whined. “Can’t we just give it a few more days? We’ll behave.”[br]
“Absolutely not,” came the curt reply.[br]
“But I have the Olympic trials next week,” Tara pouted.[br]
“Yeah, and I’ve made almost enough money to buy that Alienware laptop,” Willow complained.[br]
“Oh for crying out loud!” Anya yelled. “This is bizarre! Willow’s turned Tara into a cleavagey slut-bomb, and Tara’s got Willow acting so butch I’m surprised she hasn’t grown a penis!”[br]
Everyone’s jaws dropped as they looked from Anya to Tara.[br]
“You haven’t—” Buffy started.[br]
“NO!” Tara and Willow exclaimed in unison.[br]
“Right?” Willow added hesitantly.[br]
“Wait…you don’t know?” Xander asked in confusion.[br]
“Well, we haven’t…I mean…I love Tara, but it would be weird when she’s, you know…me.”[br]
“So you haven’t had sex in over two weeks?” Anya asked in disbelief.[br]
“Um…no?” Tara frowned, looking at Willow, who returned her shocked gaze.[br]
“Wow, that’s gotta suck, in the non-literal sense,” Xander stated.[br]
“Yes, we all know how much you love Tara’s breasts, Willow. It’s not like you can just suck on those babies yourself.”[br]
“Well, actually, I cannnnnot believe I didn’t think of that,” Willow replied with a blush and a shy glance at a smirking Tara.[br]
“And Tara,” Anya continued.[br]
“You made your point,” Tara interrupted, suddenly in a hurry to get back in her own body. From the look on her girlfriend’s face, she was thinking the same thing. “Let’s do this.”[br]
Five minutes later the witches were back in their rightful forms, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Willow grabbed Tara’s hand and the pair was halfway to the door when Giles’ annoyed throat clearing stopped them. The redhead turned around.[br]
“Giles, I am going home right now to have hot monkey sex with my girlfriend. I know we’re in for a lecture, but tonight…just skip it.”[br][br][br]
The End[br][br]

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race ya!

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quiet thoughts

you cheated!

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Frivolous Views

Car & Watson...would you two stop acting like babies and leave me some feedback already!!!

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Well, seeing how you blessed us with not one, but two updates today I'll happily oblige. You know, my intention was to get in first so Car doesn't always have first dibs, how would I know it'd deteriorate into a jello fight ?

As usual I love how you write in so much crazy humor and yet you're able to retain the atmosphere of relative calm and dignity. It's slapstick comedy disguised as sophisticated humor, and I'm not sure if that came out right. What I admire is how you built and progressed the story, from the "huh? what's going on?" beginning, to the slow realization "oh, they talking breasts", the switch "oh my god I/we have the breasts we coveted", then of course it just had to go all pear-shaped hadn't it.

It's the age-old conundrum of "you always want what you don't have" isn't it? I never thought how much Willow wanted to be better endowed, and how Tara felt encumbered by hers. Personally, I'm with Tara, I prefer the convenience and freedom of Willow-sized assets and you probably didn't need to know that .

The way they took what they were given and then went to extremes on taking full advantage of the switch . Absolutely hilarious!


and

I don't know why, but I have the image of Tara-in-Willow as a female verision of Robin Goodfellow wearing a skimpy tunic, running here and there, all fleet-foot and all.

Plus of course Willow is a cleavagey slut-bomb wannabe, no wonder she hates Faith so much ! I bet she's managed to get Tara's body into lots of tight fitting leather (Agent Shy Bunny called, she wants the mission suit back ).

I can understand on one leverl but OTOH I simply can't believe they were so engrossed in their newfound source of fun that they forgot the most important source of fun to be had like, ever. Regardless of which body you're in.

Now that is just wrong, so wrong. No sex for two whole weeks? I know it's against the challenge rules, but did ya have to have them NOT pounce on each other for two weeks? Two WHOLE weeks? Sheesh. You're evil. No wonder they hotheeled out of there so quickly after switching back. Okay now what about "A glimpse into the 10 straight nights and days of hot monkey sex whereby Willow and Tara fully appreciate each other's bodies to the fullest extent possible" as the next project ?

Oh and, nice shout out to Elvis at the end.

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quiet thoughts

That was simply amazing. I love that the "problem" potion was that they were in jail. Also, I loved the fact that both loved their new bodies and didn't want to change back into their own.

Like watson, I was surprised they didn't indulge in any naughtiness during the change, but it was a funny twist.

great writing
cooper

Cam...that was simply hilarious. The retake Tough Love breast fight was freakin’ marvelous. I laughed ‘til I almost cried. And I love the idea that they switched, actually enjoyed it, and were in no hurry to switch back. The idea of a bar fight was a riot. I could just picture the whole thing in my head without needing a lot of description. Great job.

~Cyd

Cameron - Haha! That was great. I definately think that the story may have been ended a bit too soon, though... But I did like that the last three words were Haha! That is great! It's so subtle I didn't even realize it for a bit. Nice job.

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"I'm gonna do my best swan dive into shark-infested waters/ I'm gonna pull out my tampon and start splashing around/ 'Cause I don't care if they eat me alive/ I've got better things to do than survive/ I've got a memory of your warm skin in my hands/ And I've got a vision of blue sky and dry land" - Ani Difranco

Chris,
Agent Brer Rabbit her to say that the Smutbunny interlude for the fic challenge was an incomparable melange of styles, genres, and the works of W/T writers, even for you.
You incorporated Chance in such as a way as one could imagine her being a Smutbunny doppleganger.
The way she would launch into interior monologues and start talking to the audience was priceless.
The smut-filled sequence of video conferenicing self-service between the two Bunnies was hot, hot, hot.
So much more to comment on but I think I'll just go read it again instead.
Am looking forward to the next indepth mission briefing as well.

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I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.

Cam Cam Cam. The things you do with my "inspired insanity" -- just amazing.

I love the way you are able to write humor so that it seems so effortless. You have a knack for causing one chuckle right after the next -- with a snort or guffaw thrown in every now and then just for good measure.



Like that....that was just funny. And, I gotta tell ya, I'm on Tara's side here. Running and jumping around without getting black eyes would be such a treat!

I've gotta say, I'm with watson on the "TWO WHOLE WEEKS" thing. I mean, I know there was a little rule in the challenge itself against smut while in each others' bodies, but GOOD LORD woman....you didn't even let them CONSIDER the fact that their hormones were on vacation! I also agree with watson that there needs to be a sequel.

Fun fun stuff, Cam. Thanks for playing! I can't wait to put up another challenge just to see what you come up with!

Carleen

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Frivolous Views

Cam,
Nice job with the entry.
Semantics issues Will make one Tarafied eventually.
'Feel' instead of 'see' makes Willow large with the cleavagey goodness and then they decide to move to fat lip, AZ.

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I can deny chicks in chainmail nothing.
Amberhol-from the land of sky blue waters.
No Mere Music Hall, This my novel available directly from rosestindog@gmail.com.