Fic: "Mourning My Loss" (major re-write) Completed

[SylverMaki]

Wow, that is some decision. I knew that part about not being able to create more kids would come about. But what is a limit really, they limited bringing Tara back before, now they are giving it a chance so there could be one for another baby. It is a really hard choice and I don't know if she can make it.

You are keeping me guessing my new friend. Lovely update. Please more soon! I mean really, if you make me wait I'll go mondo insane-o. By the way Willow sure does throw up a lot, no wonder her throat hurts.

Update! UpDATE! UPdate! UPDATE!, soon please

[WTF]

Hey!

You have a great story here. I feel bad for Willow...I hope everything turns out okay. Can't wait to read the next update!


-WTF-

[sam]

Oh my...wow..wonderful update Can't wait to find out what's going to happen...Love sam xx

[hahler]

thats the cruelest one yet sarah
i dont know if i could choose if i could have kids
u should write for a drama
next please


dawn

[dragonfly]

Hey!

Sorry, I'm late and shocked. Why??? their child for Tara??? that's unfair and they couldn't perform other spell to conceive a baby? NO. That Goddess is evil, she can't be a goddess.

Willow will see Tara, the goddess said that would help Wil make her decision, tell me please Tara will recognize her and they'll talk and try to come back all together. It's gotta be another way out. Please pretty please.

This gets better and better, can't wait, please update soon like tonight soon?!

Thanks for your words, my head is crazy busy and there's this voice always telling me what if this is a mistake? may be that I think too much and can't find a moment of peace in my head. I'll just keep going slow and with short steps at a time. Is it always like this? or just me?

anyway please update soon.

Clau

[rezeaka]

Sarah - yeowsers...! Talk about a flare for the dramatics...such a choice.

To me though, it would (sadly) be a no brainer. If Willow chooses Tara, she is essentially choosing to kill she and Tara's child....and we KNOW Tara would not want that, and I'd like to think that as much as Willow would want to have Tara back, she wouldn't make a choice that would in effect do that.

Of course I also tend to agree that this "goddess" might not really be who Willow thinks she is...? Or maybe it's a test and she is legit?...questions, questions....suffice it to say that I'm waiting on pins and needles for you to answer them, Sarah!

Thanks again for a great update!

-annie

[Washi]

Sarah, you naughty person!
I've been reading and staying silent, but it seems that today, I'm starting to leave feedback to people.
If I was Willow... I think I'd choose the child. Or not. I don't know, this isn't an easy choice to make. Which is why you hafta update right now, and let us know what happens!
Don't keep me waiting too long please. It would be just ... it'd be mean, really mean.

[hahler]

ok sarah here is your 10th fb
so i want my FULL update now
thank you


dawn

[Oracle_Of_Magic]

Hey all! Wow, I didn't expect to be updating so soon, but it seems everyone really wants to find out what happens.

Zoe: Thanks for leaving fb, I spose it was cruel and unusual to leave ya hanging like that. I hope this next chapter makes up for it.

Axel:

Not Happy - Not Happy - Not Happy - Not Evil goddess-lady-person.

LOL, sorry, that just struck me as funny, and very Willow babble like.

Sylver: Thanks again for the fb my friend. I'm happy to know I'm still keeping everyone guessing. I'd hate to think I'd become too predictable, lol.

WTF: Trying to take Sam's trademark away? lol Seriously though, thanks for the fb.

Sam: Ah, your trademark fb is much appriciated. I hope ya like the next chapter.

Dawn: Wow, two fbs on one update, and this is the second time! I think that's some new kind of record! Thank you very much for the compliment on my writing, it means a lot to me.

Clau: Thanks again for your well thought out fb. Don't worry bout taking a while, planning a wedding is dang hard work, I totally understand. As I said, if you want/need someone to talk to, I'm here. And yes, it does get easier. Anyway, back to your comments on my fic. Thanks a lot for your fb, it means a lot that you've taken the time to leave some. I hope ya like the update.

Annie:

Sarah - yeowsers...! Talk about a flare for the dramatics...such a choice.

Thanks! That's a damn good compliment! I completely agree with your assesment of Tara, you'll just have to read on to find out what happens.

Washi: Good to see ya! I wasn't sure if you were following my humble fic, lol. Thanks for your compliments. As requested, on with the update!

*****

Mourning My Loss
By: Oracle Of Magic

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the BTVS characters, they are the property of Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy productions. No copyright infringement is intended. I am writing this story purely for enjoyment.

*******

Part 15

I open my eyes as the light fades. I look around, I’m in a cave, similar to the last one. But in it, is what looks like a set from a TV show. A cut away of a room. I start walking toward it. There are two people standing in the room, but I am too far away to make out much more.

I keep walking closer, the scene becoming more and more clear. One of the women is a blonde, the other a redhead. They’re facing each other, talking, then suddenly there’s a gunshot, and the blonde falls. Oh god!

That’s, that’s Tara! That’s our room! The shooting! I race over, not able to utter a sound. She falls to the ground, the life gone from her. The redhead races over and holds her, starting to cry. The blood splattered all over her. I fall to my knees and start to sob.

Is this what that Goddess meant when she said I could see Tara again? I cast the spell to bring her back, and now I’ve just watched her die in my arms. For a second time.

The sobs are uncontrollable, I can’t stop. I just stare at Tara lying there. Then something strange happens. There’s a glow in the room, and suddenly Tara is standing there facing me again. The me in the scene, not me me.

I know what’s going to happen, I have to stop it. “Tara!!!!!” I shout. I hear the bullet break through the window, and then it slows, and stops, frozen in midair. The redhead disappears. Tara looks around for a moment before spotting me.

“W-willow? I-is that y-you?” she asks in a terrified voice. I just nod. She comes racing over to meet me. Before I can even stand, she’s there, hugging me. It’s all I can do to cling to her. My Tara, it’s really her.

“It’s me, baby, it’s me, I love you” I sob. “I’ve missed you so much!” She hugs me tighter, pulling me closer in our embrace.

“I love you too, baby,” she says. She’s crying too. Oh god, Tara crying, I need to help her. I start to move, to try and help her, but she stops me. “Just hold me, Willow.”

“I-I t-tried to b-bring you b-back,” I stutter. “They w-wouldn’t l-et me. I tried, Tara. I did everything I could, I never stopped. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok baby, it’s ok, I know,” she answers me, gently rubbing my back. “I’m just happy to see you. How did you get here?”

“I-I cast another spell to bring you back,” I answer, my head never moving from her shoulder.

“But how?” she asks. “What made this time different?”

“Because of the..” I start. Oh god, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t know. What do I do? What do I tell her? How do I tell her? How’s she going to react?

“Honey, slow down the babbling, it’s ok,” she whispers.

How did she? It’s Tara, of course she knows. She’s crying too, I can feel her body shaking along with mine. I take a deep breath before pulling my head back slightly so I can face her.

“I have something to tell you,” I start.

“What is it, love?” she asks. She’s so concerned, I can tell.

“I’m pregnant,” I state. Her eyes grow wide, much as mine must have when I heard the news.

“B-but how?” she asks, her eyes searching mine for an answer.

“The spell we cast, the night before you…” I trail off. I take another breath, determined to tell her. “We didn’t read all the things about the spell. If said under a full moon, and with the proper timing, and… Oh hell, here I go babbling again. Tara?”

“Yes Willow?” she answers gently.

“We made a baby,” I answer. “The spell, I don’t understand all of it, but we made a baby.” She looks at me with a shocked expression. Then it turns to a smile.

“You mean you’re carrying our baby? As in a baby that’s part of both of us?” she asks excitedly. I just nod. “That’s wonderful! Are you are ok? Are you suffering from morning sickness? What can I do honey? I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I answer, resting my head on her shoulder. “I was so lost without you.”

“I know just what you mean,” she cried. “We’re together now though, it’s all ok.”

Suddenly the words of the Goddess of Resurrections spring into my head. “A simple trade, a life for a life.” I feel the bile rising in my throat. “Oh no,” I whimper. I quickly pull away and crawl a few feet before throwing up.

I can’t do this. I can’t do this! “If you choose Tara, you and she will not be able to perform another ritual to have a child. I give you fair warning,” the voice reminds me. Then Tara is right there with me, holding my hair back, resting a hand on my back, reassuring me. “It’s ok, baby, I’m right here,” she sooths.

When I finish she gently pulls me into a hug, then lays me down so I’m leaning back against her. She’s holding me in a gentle yet firm embrace, letting me regain my strength. “I love you, Willow.”

“I love you too,” I answer quietly.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Is it morning sickness?” she asks. She has my head tucked under her chin. I love it when she does that. “We should get you home and into bed.”

“I can’t,” I whisper. She continues to hold me till I can talk again. Then asks me again what happened. I sigh, knowing I have to tell her the truth. “Tara, when I cast the spell, I thought it would be different. Cause of the baby and all. And it was, but not in a good way. They said I had to trade something to get you back. I said ok. Then they told me what I had to trade.”

“What did they ask you to trade?” she asks, going all protective.

“The life of our baby,” I say in a near whisper. She looks at me, her grip tightening slightly.

“They want you to give up our baby for me?” she asked. I nod. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.”

“I want you back, God do I want you back. But they’re asking us to give up our child, an innocent little baby,” I cry. I lower my voice, not wanting to speak the last part. “A-and if I choose you, we give up all rights to ever having a baby.”

I can hear her swallow, she’s steeling herself for something. “And if you chose the baby?” she asks.

“Then I can’t bring you back,” I sob. “I miss you so badly, but our child?”

“Willow?” she asks quietly.

“Yes?” I answer.

“We both know the answer,” she starts. “I could never live knowing the price we both had to pay. Especially you, you’re carrying our baby.” She gently rested her hand on my still flat stomach.

“I know,” I say. “I just don’t want to lose you again. I know what we have to do. I know that. I know that if I were in your position, I would tell you to keep the baby. That I would always watch over you, and keep our child safe from harm.”

“And that’s just what I’m telling you,” she said quietly. “I’ll always be with you, and with our child. I’ll always be there watching over you both, always, I promise.”

“I love you so much,” I say. It breaks my heart, knowing I’m once again going to lose her. That by choosing our baby, I’m condemning Tara to a perpetual, repeating hell of being shot. But it’s what we both chose. We chose together, and it’s what we must do.

“I love you too,” she answers. She’s smiling, but I can see the pain. She’s resigning herself to this perpetual hell, for our baby. “So what do we do?”

“I-I think you have to g-go back over there and…” I trail off, the tears choking off my words. She nods.

“I’ll never leave you,” she says stroking my cheek. “Don’t watch, it’ll make it easier.” I continue to sob, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. She gently helps me up, being so careful.

“I’ll always be with you in spirit. And remember, I love you,” she says, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I love you too, and I will never forget,” I say, tears flowing down my face. “G-goodbye.”

“Not goodbye, our time together in this life may have been cut short, but I’ll always be with you. And when that day comes, I’ll be the one greeting you at the gates of heaven,” she says.

“Oh Tara,” I weep, pulling her close to me. “One last kiss?”

“Always, honey,” she smiles, trying to mask her own pain. We pull each other close, looking into each others eyes for a final time. Our lips meeting in a loving, searching kiss. We are both committing every second to memory.

We lose ourselves in the kiss, and in each other. One final kiss.

****
tbc.....

So, whatcha think? I know, evil person and all that for leaving you hanging like that, but what can I say, I have a flare for the dramatic! I'm requesting 15 fbs before I post the next chapter, so please, read, review, and tell your friends. The faster ya fb, that faster you get to read the update!

Blessed Be,
Sarah

[Washi]

Aww, such a sad reunion. I agree to their choice, and I wanna know what happens next. I'm curious like that.

[hahler]

ok sarah im now the first one to leave fb
this update almost had me crying and i dont do that
more please


dawn

[RageMore7]

i read this in five seconds flat cause it's amazing andi couldn't not read it!! please bring me more. i'm glad they decided to keep the baby. very wise :-)

sionan

[SylverMaki]

I must know what happens, it is imperative that I know!! I mean right now dad gummit! OK some may have almost been in tears but I was. It was so freaking sad. I'm gonna kill you. I want them together!

I think they could have adopted and I think the baby would end up in a beautiful happy place away from the evils that walk the earth in the buffyverse. But maybe I'm just a naive little girl who if faced with that choice would offer my life for Tara and the Baby because living without Tara would be too much for me, on a personal note. You know an exchange.

Anyway amazing update, keep em coming, I'm really into this. Please hurry and update......pwease!

[freakgirl105]

Sarah! Why must you like cliff hangers?!! Anyways smoochies even if it is until Willow dies is still better than no smoochies! I think W/T are doing to right thing. with choosing the baby, even if it is a hard decision. *Sits and wait for next chapter*

[sam]

That was amazing and incredible..it had me crying .. I think they did the right thing, I think!! Love sam xx

[Naeryn]

Wow, I come back from my shitty weekend and, hey! Luscious updates!

Sweet, sweet Tara... even if I hadn't read this before, I would have known she'd be all 'pick the baby. Pick the baby.'

*sing-song voice* I know what's gonna happen...

[dragonfly]

Hey Sarah,

You have me why?

I knew there's no way they'd have chosen Tara over the baby, it's an innocent and their baby. A mom does anything for her child, even gives her life up.

Can they appeal? go to a higher goddess? any god is full of love, and they love each other so much, so maybe that goddess of yours will give them another option? but hey wait, I still don't what Giles wanted with Buffy with such a hurry, and they don't know where's Willow, hopeful thinking: there's some nasty evil that has the good goddess captive and is trying to get Willow back into the black magic, but the scoobies are figuring this out and they'll do something to bring Tara back. No? ok it's just my mind racing here. Anywhere you take it, I'll be here, that much I like this.

Thanks again, you're very kind. I hope it gets easier and my doubts disapear. yeah, I might need a word of advice.

Take care
Clau

[rezeaka]

I've read this chapter twice now, and both times I've been left sitting here super pouty and all welled up when I finish.

Awesome job, Sarah!

And I KNEW Tara and Willow would see eye to eye on the awful choice that had to be made...but it doesn't make it any easier. How sad...could you just imagine having to go through what our darling girls went through in that chapter?

But on the plus side...they did get to make the choice together...but ouch...or owwie as my niece would say. And speaking of that...after that chapter....I want my mommy!!!! But more than anything I just want the next chapter...and the next chapter...and so on...until we have Tara back with Willow and their unborn baby....right where she belongs!

Now I'm going off to pray that the remaining requested feedback gets posted faster than the speed of light.

Great job!

-annie

[Leafsdude]

Cliffhanger! How totally EVIL!

Post more, NOW!

[YMKA]

Sarah...ya evil....

I just read it all (and I think I remember it....I read the old version too).... and you are evil....*looks at David....yeah you too!!! and even though I'm mad right now...still gonna post !

So yeah...I really liked it. You can actually feel the emotions....man that was some...you made me cry ya evil woman!!!!!! now BRING TARA BACK!!!!!!! And what the hell? Easy choice??? Between a lover and a child?!?!?!?! and it's 4am....so...no coherent thoughts whatsoever....but it was really great reading it



M.

[Oracle_Of_Magic]

Wow! What a response! I's just like to take this chance to thank everyone who's been lurking and reading, and a special thanks to my close friend David, without whom, this fic would not be possible. Thank you my friend, this last chapter is dedicated to you.

Washi: Thanks a lot for reading my fic, it means a lot to me. I've always looked up to you as a fellow writer. Thanks for the compliments my friend.

Dawn: Wow, this has gotta be a first, you actually following a fic and leaving fb the whole time! I'm honored that you like it, and am happy to be able to call you friend. Thanks for the fb, polle sana bout the tears, or near tears.

Sionan: Thanks for your fb, it's always great to know someone else likes what I write.

Sylver: Thanks for the well thought out fb, my friend. I'm glad you're enjoying the fic. I know it was a hard choice to make, I personally have no idea what I would do in such a situation, I can only hope I would be strong enough to endure.

Zoe: Ya got me there, I do love the cliffhangers! Comes from years of X-Files, Charmed and BTVS watching, lol. Glad you liked the chapter, and I want to thank you for leaving fb.

Sam: Your trademark fb has become a staple of this thread. It's clear and to the point, a very welcome addition. Again, polle sana bout the tears. I do hope you enjoy the update.

Meg: Sorry bout the shitty weekend, happy ya liked the update. Again, I want to thank you for leaving fb. You are yet another person I consider my friend. I hope ya like the update.

Clau: Again with the well thought out, long fb! I love it! I totally agree, Willow & Tara would never sacrafice their innocent child, even at the cost of being together. A mother should/would go to the ends of the earth for their child. I agree also that it was a sucky choice, as I said earlier, I have no idea what I would do in the same position, only hope for the strength to endure. I think you'll like the ending though. And once more, good luck with the wedding, if ya ever need someone to talk, I'm here, oracle_of_magic@yahoo.com lol.

Annie: Thanks for your wonderful words of praise! This fic has had more of an impact than I ever could have dreamed. Sorry bout the chapter leaving you in need of a hug, it seems to have that effect on people. Actually, I can imagnie myself in that position. My style of writing always has been to put myself in the place of the characters, to try and gain a better understanding, to make things more realistic. I had to go to a very dark, very scary place to write this, but in the end, it was worth it. I learned things about the characters, and myself that would not have been possible otherwise.

David: Lol, again trying for Sam's job! Thanks for all your help, my friend, this last chapter is dedicated to you. *hugs* I do however expect nice, long fb from ya bout the final chapter. Hey, ya didn't think I'd change my ways totally, did ya?

Marina: Glad to see ya finally read this!!!!!! *hugs* I know, no smut, minimal Tara, not your type of fic. It means a lot to me that you took the time to read it anyway. Thanks for the wonderful fb.

And now with that all having been said, on with the fic!

********

Mourning My Loss
By: Oracle Of Magic

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the BTVS characters, they are the property of Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy productions. No copyright infringement is intended. I am writing this story purely for enjoyment.

********

Part 16

We’re so lost in each other we don’t even notice the wind swirling around us. Finally we reluctantly pull away from each other. She gives me one last hug and turns to go. She doesn't get very far, though, before she walks into a wall. “W-what happened?” she asks, confused, rubbing her forehead.

“What do you mean?” I reply. Then I look around the room, we’re back in our room! Not that sound stage. Our room! Together! Both of us! I race to the window and look outside. It’s our room, we’re back.

We meet in the center of the room, pulling each other into a deep embrace. “Is it real? Am I really here Willow?” Tara asks softly. I just nod, I can’t form words. “I love you.” I mouth that I love her too.

We stand there for I don’t know how long, just holding each other. Then I suddenly get a panicked look. “The baby!” I shout.

The room glows, and a voice suddenly speaks out. “Your baby is just fine.”

“But we, I mean we,” Tara says.

“You chose the life of your child,” the voice finishes.

“Yes we did,” I say. “Is this just a dream?”

“No child, it’s real,” the voice answers softly. “Tara and you are both back, and you are still carrying your child.”

“How can this be happening?” I ask, holding Tara closer. “Who are you?”

“I am the Goddess,” she answers.

“As in THE Goddess?” Tara asks.

“That’s correct child,” she answers. We both open our mouths to speak, but she gently stops us. “It’s alright, I know what you’re going to ask me. I’ll try to explain it in terms you can understand. I think you should sit down.”

We do as we’re told, sitting down, holding each other close, not wanting to break contact. “I heard your pleas Willow, I saw what happened while you were there. The bargain offered you, and how you two refused it. You were willing to sacrifice your relationship for your child. You love each other that much. And in that moment, I saw how deep your love truly is. So I interceded. I brought you back Tara. A love like yours I will not let be taken from this earth.”

We sit there stunned. “T-thank you,” Tara stutters.

“Thank you so much,” I say. “Thank you.”

“Your welcome,” she answers. “Now just rest, you both need it. I’ve changed the memories of all those concerned. As far as the world can tell, Tara never died, the bullet missed. The memories are too deeply ingrained in you and your friends, I believe you call them the Scoobies?”

“That’s right,” I answer.

“You will have two sets of memories, those of the events that originally came to pass. And those that happened because of my interceding. You will have to deal with the pain and loss, but together, I know you two can do anything. Take care of each other, and your twins, my children,” she say. “Blessed be your lives, love, and family.”

With that, the glow fades and the voice is gone. Tara and I sit there on the bed for a while, too stunned to move. Then we slowly turn to each other, the memories the Goddess gave us filtering into our minds. We smile at each other broadly.

“You’re really here,” I whisper.

“Here with you,” Tara adds. She pulls me into a soft kiss, gently easing us both down onto the bed, never losing contact with each other. We finally break the kiss, still holding each other close, our foreheads touching.

Just then there’s a soft knock on the door. I answer automatically for whoever it is to come in, too wrapped up in being with Tara to think straight.

“Hey Willow, I just wanted you to know we’re all going to be here for you. You wont be going through this, alone….?” Xander trails off.

“Ouch!” Dawn squeaks, bumping into Xander. “Why did you…. Tara!!” Dawn quickly pushes past Xander and runs over to hug my Tara. “You’re back! This is real! Wow!!” Dawn shouts excitedly.

I smile, a real smile, watching as Dawn gives Tara the biggest hug possible. I look over to Xander who’s standing there looking dumbfounded. “It’s ok Xander,” I answer his unasked question. “Everything’s ok now.”

“I missed you so much,” Dawn cries. “Losing you was like losing mom all over again.”

Tara smiles, gently reassuring Dawn. Xander leans up against the door, trying hard not to fall over from shock. “How? When? How?” he asks, mouth agape.

I open my mouth to speak, but instead, a yawn comes out.

“I’m sorry,” I start. Tara places her finger on my lips.

“It’s ok, sweetie, you’re sleepy,” she says. “That spell must have taken a lot out of you. Not to mention you’re carrying our baby.” She rubs her hand lightly against my tummy. I smile at her, she understands, she always does.

It’s then I notice Buffy standing there quietly, a grin spread across her face, I look at her, and she understands, quickly ushering the others out of the room. “Welcome back Tara,” she says quietly, shutting the door.

I look back at Tara, all the while grinning. It’s then I notice I’m still wearing my PJ’s, I look at Tara and realize she’s wearing hers as well. “What in the frilly heck?” I start.

“Shh, there’ll be time for that later,” Tara tells me. “Right now it’s time to get you to bed.”

“I think you’ve already done that,” I say with a grin.

“I mean to sleep, baby,” she grins back.

“Aww,” I mock argue.

“I insist,” she says in that “stern” voice of hers. “Our baby needs the rest.”

“Our baby, I love the sound of that,” I say. She quickly gets us both settled into bed, tucked us under the warm fluffy covers. I lay my head on her chest, listening to her heart beat, my arm draped over her stomach.

She has one arm around me, holding me close to her. Her other hand resting on my belly, where our child is growing. “I love you,” she tells me.

“I love you too,” I whisper back before starting to drift into a peaceful sleep. Wrapped in Tara’s arms, our baby protected between us. It’s only a few minutes before she drifts off as well, her hand never leaving my stomach.

****
Epilogue


As the Goddess watches from above, a robed figure slowly approaches. “Come in,” the Goddess says. The figure walks up, clad in a purple robe. She looks down at the image of the two witches sleeping snuggled together.

“They look so happy,” the figure says.

“That’s because they’re in love,” the Goddess answers. “You did well.”

“Thank you Goddess,” the figure answers. “Though they passed this test, how will they deal with those to come?” she thinks.

“They truly did prove their love,” the Goddess says. “You did your part well, my friend.”

The Goddess’ voice snapping her out of her thought. The figure slowly lifts her hood and turns to the Goddess. “Yes they did. I’m just glad they ended up together again. If ever a couple deserved to be together, it was these two,” the figure finally says. The Goddess smiles.

“I agree. Their union and family are blessed,” the Goddess answers. “I hated putting them through such a trial, and I never meant to give the impression that Tara was in hell, far from it. There was just no other way to test them, I do hope someday they can come to understand.” She looks at the Goddess of Resurrection and they both smile. Then the Goddess waves her hand, and the image of Willow and Tara slowly fades from the reflecting pool. Letting them sleep, contented in their love.

But before the image fades totally, Willow sits up straight, pulling Tara up with her. “What’s wrong honey? Are you feeling sick again?” Tara asks.

“No, I’m ok,” Willow asks. “Uh Tara?”

“Yes honey?” she replies.

“Did she say twins?!” Willow shouts.


The End


So Kittens, was it worth the wait? I dearly hope so. I look forward to reading your final thoughts/comments/compliments/fbs, ect, ect, ect.

Blessed Be,
Sarah

[Naeryn]

DIBS!

Beautifully written

I really can't say much more about it. I enjoyed reading it again, and I think it did flow a little smoother this time.

This thing as a whole calls to mind a song by Dido... here's the lyrics.


HERE WITH ME
I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
For they might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here

I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

And I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can't hide

And I won't go
I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here

And I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave
I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

[Graceland]

I read the entire fic in one sitting, you have a good premise, with a heartbroken Willow, the surprise pregnancy, encounter with the goddess and the reunion. The ending seems a little too perfect, but then again it's Willow and Tara and true love so even The Goddess can't help but to be moved by their willingness to sacrifice their love for the life of their child. It was an ultimate sacrifice that deserves all the happiness in the world. Love the last part about the twins by the way, I can see the panic in Willow's eyes when she sat up in bed.

[hahler]

I LOVE IT I LOVE IT ILOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was well worth the wait sarah
u even left it open for a sequel

dawn

[freakgirl105]

Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was without a doubt worth the wait! I LOVE IT! Tara is back and Willow gets to keep the babies! So excuse while i do the happy dance!

[Leafsdude]

*Shakes fist at Kitten Board* Stupid thing keeps crashing on me just as I post!

Well, anyway, here's that long review I promised, Sarah.

Woo, it's done!

This is a great fic, I must say. The feeling in the beginning, the mixed emotions with the news of the baby, the need for Willow to bring back Tara, and all the mushiness at the end. I it.

I'm sure you're going to hear a lot of "well, this could have been better" or "this could have been done differently", but my only advice when reading that is, keep in mind, no one is perfect, and no fic will ever be perfect, therefore. This is one of the closer to perfect fics I've read, however.

I'll leave you with some of my favourite lines from this fic. Thanks for writing this, and letting me beta it, Sarah!

The images of the last few days we had together, and the images of her death. The fact her life drained away, in this very room prove too much for me. I start to cry, the sobs wracking my body. I slowly sink to the ground, crying out my very soul. "Tara, why did they take you from me?"

Buffy is a really good friend, no, more than that. She’s more like the big sister I never had. She helps me lay down and tucks me in, handing me my favorite stuffed animal to help me sleep. "Just rest, it’ll be ok, we’ll get through this together," she says. "I can stay here while you sleep if you’d like."

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

I sit on my bed, trying to focus on something, anything. Anything other than how much I miss Tara. I miss just being able to see her smile, that beautiful smile. What I would give to see it just one last time. One last time….

I feel so empty without her. I look around the room again, blinking back yet more tears. I didn’t know the human body could produce so many tears. But then, I didn’t know the universe could produce someone as perfect and loving as Tara. I guess we all learn too late.

So sad, but so true.

The person walks across the room, and I feel them sit down next to me. “Will?” Buffy asks quietly.

“Yeah?” I answer. I guess it’s not about food, did I forget a chore or something? I guess she’ll tell me in a moment.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“I’m in mourning,” I state simply. Isn’t that self-evident?

I love Willow's Anya-esque bluntness.

“No it doesn’t!” I almost shout. “It all stopped mattering the moment Tara died. Don’t you understand that? There’s no point anymore, none. I’m just a shell, I walk and talk like a person. But I’m not, I’m a shell, a robot. I’m nothing without her…” I’m crying by now, more sobs.

She wraps me up in a hug and just holds me, letting me cry my tears out. “I know it hurts, Will, I know. But you do matter, we all care about you. You do matter, you’re my best friend. Let me help you, please,” she says, her tears mingling with my own.

*Bawls*

“You’ll be just fine, Willow,” he answers me. "Actually, I have good news. You’re pregnant.” I swear my heart stopped. I freeze, I don’t know what to do. I must have misheard him.

“She knows, Will, trust me, she knows, she’s looking out for both of you. I know it,” she answers me. “You’re having a baby, Willow. That’s a good thing. It’s a part of you and Tara, it’s a part of her.”

Awwwww...

“Because, for a spell of this magnitude, something must be exchanged,” she answers, in that same annoyingly calm voice.

“What do you want? I’ll give you anything, just bring Tara back,” I plead.

“A simple trade, a life for a life,” she answers. “The life of your child, for the life of your love.” This can’t be happening. She didn’t just. She can’t have.

“W-what?” I stutter. She looks at me with that same calm gaze.

“The life of your child for Tara’s life,” she states again. My face hardens. The life of our baby for Tara? What kind of trade is that?

“You’ll let me see Tara?” I almost cry.

Such a simple line, but I can FEEL the emotion there. Perfecto!

“Oh Tara,” I weep, pulling her close to me. “One last kiss?”

“Always, honey,” she smiles, trying to mask her own pain. We pull each other close, looking into each others eyes for a final time. Our lips meeting in a loving, searching kiss. We are both committing every second to memory.

We lose ourselves in the kiss, and in each other. One final kiss.

We’re so lost in each other we don’t even notice the wind swirling around us. Finally we reluctantly pull away from each other. She gives me one last hug and turns to go. She doesn't get very far, though, before she walks into a wall. “W-what happened?” she asks, confused, rubbing her forehead.

“Our baby, I love the sound of that,” I say. She quickly gets us both settled into bed, tucked us under the warm fluffy covers. I lay my head on her chest, listening to her heart beat, my arm draped over her stomach.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...

But before the image fades totally, Willow sits up straight, pulling Tara up with her. “What’s wrong honey? Are you feeling sick again?” Tara asks.

“No, I’m ok,” Willow asks. “Uh Tara?”

“Yes honey?” she replies.

“Did she say twins?!” Willow shouts.

[eirnlove]

woo hooo wonderful!

the goddess sure has a freaky sense of humor.

[dragonfly]

Hey Sarah,

I didn't like the end, I loved it. Thank you for this wonderful story.

At the end your goddess was a good one, what a test! I almost cried when Tara said good bye, I was screaming at the computer, no don't go! and then a wall and they were back at the house.

Twins? that's a lot of work, but I like that idea. babies grow up together, there's no "it was only me until you were born, and now they don't pay any attention to me". I'm not only child, that's why I know.
And Willow realizing at the end that the goddess said twins,

I loved everything about this fic, I wouldn't change a line. All of Willow's pain, Buffy's affection and care, the overwhelming idea of a pregnancy without Tara, the need of having Tara back, their reunion and that crazy test built the platform for a marvelous end that is them being together and expecting a family.

Once again thank you very much.
Take care, I'll drop you a line sometime.
Clau

[SakuraEtsuko]

The images of the last few days we had together, and the images of her death. The fact her life drained away, in this very room prove too much for me. I start to cry, the sobs wracking my body. I slowly sink to the ground, crying out my very soul. “Tara, why did they take you from me?”

Holy cow you are great at showing all of willows emotion! Its writing like this that touches the soul…

“Please,’ I whisper. I know it’s cryptic, but she understands, she’s my best friend. She walked over and pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around her and let her hold me. I need to be held, I just need to be held.

She pulls me close and talks softly, calming words, she’s almost babbling. Hey, that’s my job, but it’s working. I start to sob, letting my tears flow freely, she doesn’t shy away, just holds me. And that is what I need. I need to feel safe and loved.

I love how intuitive and wise buffy is in this. The character of buffy really bothered me on the show, just because she can be such a ditzy unfeeling dumbass..(sorry to any buffy lovers lol)..but I love how u portray her character in this fic. She cares about willow and is attuned to her, to what she needs, and shes just very empathetic and sensitive in this.

and for a person grieving...oftentimes being held, feeling safe and loved is just what they need...

I nod my head silently in agreement. She has that look on her face, the same one she sometimes gets with Dawn. Her mom look, the one she always bragged she patterned after my “resolve face”. I know better than to even try and argue with that. She seems satisfied, and tells me to get some rest.

Lol again great characterization with buffy, she has matured a lot taking care of dawn and now willow.

She had been so happy that night, so happy. I start to cry again. Lately that seems like all I do. I cry, I cry for the love I’ll never have. I cry for Tara.

Losing a loved one is always hard, but I think its so much more so when it’s a spouse or a lover. And then even MORE so when the two people involved have such a pure, deep, unending, unbreakable love as willow and tara do. I think that’s the kind of love we all search for, but also once we have it, our greatest fear is to lose it.

“I’m pregnant with Tara’s baby,” I state.

What a way to spring that on someone! Lol I can imagine the look on buffys face!

I flip the book to the right page, and start to prepare the spell. “Tara honey, everything’s gonna be ok, I’ll make it ok,” I whisper, holding back the tears. With that statement, I turn my full attention to the spell. This time I’m going all the way to the top.

UHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHHH!!! I hope this ends well, though that’s kinda foreboding lol.

Youre willing to take the life of an innocent?

Are you?

Wow.

How the hell do you expect me to decide between them? I love them both. Tara’s my soul mate, my love. This child, I love it already, it was created of both of us. I can’t choose,” I cry

.

I cannot even imagine…I think that would be one of the hardest choices in the world, great job showing willows dilemma, and more importantly her thoughts and feelings about that dilemma.

Part 15
OMGS! I was crying through this entire update! This is beautiful, wonderful writing! You take an issue and throw it at us..force us to feel for this couple and OMGS…you have such talent sarah.

But before the image fades totally, Willow sits up straight, pulling Tara up with her. “What’s wrong honey? Are you feeling sick again?” Tara asks.

“No, I’m ok,” Willow asks. “Uh Tara?”

“Yes honey?” she replies.

“Did she say twins?!” Willow shouts.

LMAO…of course they just now hear it.


All in all my dear, this was excellent! One of THE BEST fics I have EVER read..it is emotional, tender, sweet with light moments, and best of all…it ends happily!! GREAT JOB!!

~K~

[SakuraEtsuko]

The images of the last few days we had together, and the images of her death. The fact her life drained away, in this very room prove too much for me. I start to cry, the sobs wracking my body. I slowly sink to the ground, crying out my very soul. “Tara, why did they take you from me?”

Holy cow you are great at showing all of willows emotion! Its writing like this that touches the soul…

“Please,’ I whisper. I know it’s cryptic, but she understands, she’s my best friend. She walked over and pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around her and let her hold me. I need to be held, I just need to be held.

She pulls me close and talks softly, calming words, she’s almost babbling. Hey, that’s my job, but it’s working. I start to sob, letting my tears flow freely, she doesn’t shy away, just holds me. And that is what I need. I need to feel safe and loved.

I love how intuitive and wise buffy is in this. The character of buffy really bothered me on the show, just because she can be such a ditzy unfeeling dumbass..(sorry to any buffy lovers lol)..but I love how u portray her character in this fic. She cares about willow and is attuned to her, to what she needs, and shes just very empathetic and sensitive in this.

and for a person grieving...oftentimes being held, feeling safe and loved is just what they need...

I nod my head silently in agreement. She has that look on her face, the same one she sometimes gets with Dawn. Her mom look, the one she always bragged she patterned after my “resolve face”. I know better than to even try and argue with that. She seems satisfied, and tells me to get some rest.

Lol again great characterization with buffy, she has matured a lot taking care of dawn and now willow.

She had been so happy that night, so happy. I start to cry again. Lately that seems like all I do. I cry, I cry for the love I’ll never have. I cry for Tara.

Losing a loved one is always hard, but I think its so much more so when it’s a spouse or a lover. And then even MORE so when the two people involved have such a pure, deep, unending, unbreakable love as willow and tara do. I think that’s the kind of love we all search for, but also once we have it, our greatest fear is to lose it.

“I’m pregnant with Tara’s baby,” I state.

What a way to spring that on someone! Lol I can imagine the look on buffys face!

I flip the book to the right page, and start to prepare the spell. “Tara honey, everything’s gonna be ok, I’ll make it ok,” I whisper, holding back the tears. With that statement, I turn my full attention to the spell. This time I’m going all the way to the top.

UHHHHHHHHH OHHHHHHHHHH!!! I hope this ends well, though that’s kinda foreboding lol.

Youre willing to take the life of an innocent?

Are you?

Wow.

How the hell do you expect me to decide between them? I love them both. Tara’s my soul mate, my love. This child, I love it already, it was created of both of us. I can’t choose,” I cry

.

I cannot even imagine…I think that would be one of the hardest choices in the world, great job showing willows dilemma, and more importantly her thoughts and feelings about that dilemma.

Part 15
OMGS! I was crying through this entire update! This is beautiful, wonderful writing! You take an issue and throw it at us..force us to feel for this couple and OMGS…you have such talent sarah.

But before the image fades totally, Willow sits up straight, pulling Tara up with her. “What’s wrong honey? Are you feeling sick again?” Tara asks.

“No, I’m ok,” Willow asks. “Uh Tara?”

“Yes honey?” she replies.

“Did she say twins?!” Willow shouts.

LMAO…of course they just now hear it.


All in all my dear, this was excellent! One of THE BEST fics I have EVER read..it is emotional, tender, sweet with light moments, and best of all…it ends happily!! GREAT JOB!!

~K~