As Time Goes By

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, all. I'm looking out my window on a beautiful day and I wonder, "How could things be so hideous just a few states away?" I have friends in Baton Rouge, and they say it's like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie. US Kittens, the Red Cross announced a critical shortage of blood so anyone who can do so, please consider donating. Thanks.

And speaking of thanks...What incredible feedback! You guys are such sharp, thoughtful readers. I love the interactive element! It was fun to write that last chapter, I gotta say. I'm gonna put some of my reasoning here b/c it'll save some double-typing.

See, I didn't want to go one-by-one, slinking through the Scoobies. That held some appeal, from a psychological perspective, but I also thought it could get old. I also see this thing as getting a little impatient, and the idea of taking 3 at once (thus reaching its pledge drive goal!) was too tempting. Those are plot considerations. From a craft consideration (not to draw a specious distinction), I loved the idea of writing multiple descents at once. ("Gee, Mary, you sure have a whacky idea of a good time!") I was sitting in a coffee shop when I had the idea of having these different throughts flit across the pages, gradually emerging as more than one voice. I was so excited, I said, "Yes!" and slapped my palm on the table, thus spilling my coffee. People looked at me. Anyway, I always use Willow as my eyes (limited omniscient, I think Car calls it) which means that thoughts are usually hers. I knew it might be a little confusing at first. That's why, after the first set (the drive back home), I never used the italics to show Willow's thoughts. Her mental processes were always shown through some other description.

Why these 3? That'll be explained in the next update.

Where's Tara? She's having coffee with me this morning.

Does this thing need to make physical contact? That won't be revealed just yet.

Why do fools fall in love? Because it's the source of some of our greatest art.

Oh, one final thought, which is actually a question: I keep trying to edit my post b/c I realized that I left a couple of end quotes off and I wanted to change one word and yes, I'm a freak. The point is, I go in and edit and hit "Submit" and then my browser says it won't open the page, and it always does that when I send off a big post but it always comes up when I go back into the board. This time, though, the changes never take. Any ideas? I should probably contact the mods...

OK--on to individual replies:

Patches: "Dear Ms. Patches: Dr. Antigone has looked over the results of your EEG. As soon as she regains both consciousness and the capacity for rational discourse, she'll be in touch. Until then, please do not go near any nuclear reactors. Thank you."

Ah, girl...'tis an inquiring mind ye have. (Dunno where that burst of Celtic dialogue came from, though I am of Irish extraction.) So much in your reply, some of which I mentioned above.

I'm glad you found it compelling, b/c that was definitely the effect I was shooting for. And I definitely left Tara's state of mind ambiguous--no, she wasn't eerily exhausted, nor did she have a headache, but I included just that one last thought to put us in her mind. Now if I could only find a way to get into her--But that's not what this is about. Sorry.

Was the BB in the store? You make some wonderful points, Patches, but one consideration: this started the night before, at dinner. Does the BB have to be present to kick it into high gear? to serve as the final catalyst somehow? Or were those just 2 random customers?

Excellent point about Anya's inclusion, esp. re: her connection to Faith. Anya truly never expected it to come for her, and we'll learn more about that in the next update. She was worried about Xander, whose insecurities seem so transparent. But now that she has some kind of validation, albeit from an evil source...

Yes, Willow is back in form, and more inclined to take command b/c she knows this thing best of all--so far. That's part of why I had her hit first: she's my narrator, plus I needed her to be in a unique position to combat this thing.

And indeed, what is Tara's place in all of this? Is she just coincidentally absent, going about her typical day? Or is something more nefarious afoot? And why is it never a-leg? I think I need more coffee...

As always, Patches, your fb rocks my house, 6 cats, and the better part of the world. Thank you so much for the time and thought you put into it.

WillowRosenberg: Just come on back whenever you feel like it; I'll leave a porch light on for you.

Justin: Glad you enjoyed the Muggle bit! I sorta saw Willow as scrambling and reacting and just knowing that something was going on and should she try a spell but wouldn't that be intrusive and maybe she should just ask first and then: OK, raise your hand!

I like your ideas on the connection to the BB. What are the implications of having been targeted and having survived? And how pissed off is this thing that now 4 intended victims have gotten away? Wait, I have it on the phone...It says it's very pissed.

I deliberately kept Tara's situation ambiguous, but it'll be made clear in the next update.

Thanks for the kind words and for following this tale o' mental subjugation. Have a good weekend!

Puff, Puff, Ever-So-Buff; Tends to Others with All the Right Stuff: Hey, how's nursing school? You know, every time I've been in the hospital (multiple knee surgeries: too many sports!), the nurses have been the one who made it bearable.Speaking of bearable, I hope your schedule becomes so and that you still have time to enjoy your family!

Glad you enjoyed the tension; it was definitely fun to write. And yes, Willow has moved into a new role in all of this, which was part of why I had her attacked first. Tara's being stubborn, but is it maternal protection or (insert dramatic pause here) SOMETHING ELSE? Heck if I know! Oh, wait, I do. Never mind.

Hang in there, Puff!

Marilda: Ah, grad school...I would say I remember it fondly, but what a naked, shameless liar I'd be...What are you studying? Hope it's going well. And if I rule, then I hereby command you to lead a balanced life, no matter what kind of example your faculty sets for you.

Well, you know that whatever happens to Tara next, I won't let anything bad ultimately happen to her. Hope you like where this goes, and thanks for taking time to read and leave fb. Take care!

Car: I...I...Yes, I admit it: I liked the tickling! I loved the tickling! I'm sitting in front of my computer tickling myself which is why my typing looks something like woetiwoeihweo.

Got your PM; merci beaucoup, mon amie! Have a great weekend!

Foo: Foo? Blink, Foo. Move...For the love of God, Foo, breathe! OK, good.

First of all, thank you for such incredibly kind feedback. I absolutely loved your image of a hurricane, because that's exactly what I pictured as I wrote it! Everything picking up speed; gradually at first, and then just whirling about until you couldn't discern one element from the next.

Glad you like the dead cat comment, too. I struggled w/ that b/c let's face it, the man's hair has already been the butt (as it were) of so many images. Glad it brought a smile to da face. Also glad you qualifed the "better than sex" comment with "almost" because let's face it...

And your fb is plenty rich and thoughtful, Foo! Thanks so much for following this and taking the time to let me know you did!

LeatherQueen: We noticed that you wrote the fb in the first-person plural, and we're glad you did.

I really like knowing that this one pulled you in, b/c that was a big part of what I hoped would happen. We're always in Willow's mind, and then suddenly we're looking through 3 other windows at once and something's coming up behind each of them and TURN AROUND, PEOPLE! IT'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!! I'm also glad to read of the building tension element, b/c the pacing in this one felt really critical. I wanted it to start as a niggling of sorts, a kind of "Wait, a minute; that doesn't sound like Willow" and then pick up steam as folks realized that (a) it indeed wasn't Willow and (b) it was more than one person. I didn't go for the last-minute revelation of who was "infected" because if I used a lot of thoughts to indicate the growing "infection," at some point it would be clear even through phrasing who was involved.

We appreciate the feedback, LQ; we really do! Please consider yourself rocking.

HeroFactor: How's life up in the Red Sox nation? Looking forward to the post-season? God, last year's ALCS was just beyond incredible...Your description of your reaction really made me smile because I wanted that kind of reaction--so thank you! And insofar as Tara is concerned--see my opening comments. As soon as she finished her latte, she'll be back. Thanks for the kind words, HF!

Cooper: Hey, no need to get specific; just glad you're following this and enjoying it! Thanks for the welcome reminder; I'm glad, too, that I came back. Have a great weekend!

Paul: Holy extensive feedback, Darth Boy! Wow...You're a thoughtful reader, and a generous writer! You know, it's wild to see one fb post that encompasses the whole story, b/c it gives me a reminder as well. A few thoughts...

First of all, thank you for the very, very kind words--both here, and on my other stories. Makes me blush, although that could just be my scarlet fever...Oh, and speaking of illness: sorry to hear about the flu! I hope you're feeling at least a little better. Dave Barry, one of the funniest writers I know, once described having the flu and said he couldn't brush his teeth because (a) he was too weak to lift a brush and (b) his teeth hurt. I hope you're not that bad.

Oh God, the nerds...You're right: no threat there. I hated that whole story, and not just b/c of its outcome. I loved the Mayor; loved Glory. These 3? How lame and pathetic...And I know, they weren't the ultimate BB of the S-6, but they were still on screen way more than I had any desire to see. Warren as Homecoming Queen of Cell Block C? Now that I could get into. Can also get into your Texas Chainsaw justice, so I'll tell you what: if he gets out on parole, I'll give you a heads-up and you can take it from there!

Barbie on the shrimp...You're welcome! I had a lot of fun writing the naming sequence and you're right: I'm making Xander more appealing in this story. There were definitely times I liked him in canon, but other times not so much. He's not the easiest one for me to write, primarily b/c I don't "feel" him as much as I do the others. Good to know there's some appeal to him here. At the same time, he would blurt out something about "red-blooded American men" as if that's the acme of development, never even stopping to consider its myriad follies until someone brings it to his attention. To his credit, though, he does think about it after that moment.

I like your ideas on the power element of S6's storyline. Yes, Willow emerged with a lot of power, and this in a woman who had always felt so very powerless. Someone wrote--and goddess, I wish I could remember who, b/c it was great--that it would have been an incredible story to let Willow fall into the darkness and have Tara be the one who ultimately brought her down and brought her back. (Lemme tell you where you can stick that yellow crayon, Joss.) Power is just a fantastic element to explore.

I always give Buffy a little more credit (or less self-absorption, perhaps) than I saw in canon; I think a lot of Kitten writers do. She adores this child, and she knows there's a good chance she won't be there to see her grow up. She's putting Kyra first.

I've mentioned before that I'm not usually inclined to kidfic, but I've had a soft spot for Kyra from the get-go. She can take down the homophobe; what else can she do? And what's up with that off-screen chorus? I should ask them what they have planned...

I have to confess: Anya's line re: stupid loving was one of my favorite to write, b/c she could choose to be a vengeance demon again and she doesn't; in part, b/c she loves. It's so stupid, for all the reasons she gives and still more. But she does it. We all do.

I just never bought Faith in the big house. The atonement she could embrace out in the world--at least, the world she'd go into--is so far beyond making license plates for the state. Thanks for the clarification re: it being her decision. In this story, I sort of saw Angel talking her out of it, telling her it would be the more arduous road and therefore more meaningful. She's not a wanted woman here; strings were indeed pulled.

Interesting speculations about Dawn. Is she a "normal" kid now? What does that even mean? Does she still pose some kind of unique threat? Or offer some kind of unique protection? We'll see...

You know, I confess I never saw the movie, so I didn't know it was just the gym! Truth to tell, though, I probably still would've put that line in there b/c I just liked it so...

Nice point about the relational aspect of the victims thus far, but in fact one of them wasn't in a relationship at the time, and neither Giles nor Buffy is in this attempt. Your ideas, though, are great: is there more bang for your buck, so to speak, if you rip away someone not only good but beloved?

Ooh, yes--what's the origin of the raised pinky? I love stuff like that!

And yes, I will update within 2-3 days so we know Tara's deal. And yes, I love writing the disclaimers--it's become sort of a game, you know?

Thank you so much, Paul, for your incredible feedback. I really appreciate that you took the time to point out what you enjoyed, and how you reacted to it. That's part of what makes this board so special, I think: the interaction b/w writer and reader. I'll head over to the other story and check out that fb! (Did you get my response to your first one?) Have a great weekend Down Under!

Watson--Anything but Elementary: I love your description of this BB: it gathers momentum like a train, and it will not be held back or delayed or compromised in any way. You either stop it just as it's about to hurtle off the tracks, or it's gone. And audacious? Yes, indeed...As I noted above, it was incredibly fun and invigorating to write this update b/c I had to/it let me go into so many people's heads, but in this total drive-by fashion. I wanted Willow to have this gathering feeling of something swirling about her that she can't discern, can't pin down but which she absolutely knows is there. And I opted for the non-magical intervention b/c at her core she does know these people. She's attuned to the energy, by virtue of having been afflicted herself, but once she knows it's there, she knows what it's going to do. You know, I toyed with delving deeply into each person's psyche, turning up some new facets, but in the end I realized that canon had given us (or so I believe) a pretty good glimpse into their insecurities. Unless I wanted to write a story about one particular person's deal, I needed to go with this.

And Tara...Would I let anything happen to her? I mean, certainly not anything irrevocable, but what about in the short term? Something to catapult the action forward, or bring out some new facet in her relationship w/ Willow or even herself? Or would I have set up some red herrings; been deliberately ambiguous? I really should figure that out...

Thanks for the great fb, Watson! I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend/

OK--that's all for now. As ever, Kittens--je t'adore
Mary.

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-

I'm sitting down and trying to do a decent job of feeding back this time, especially since there were so many thoughts triggered by these words.

First there was the drive home with the unsaid words hanging in the background and the almost consuming worry about Kyra. The concerns about their daughter are so well figured. Then there's the only logical explanation I've ever read about The Donald's hair. The meal with the thoughts unlabeled was a finely crafted, worry inducing scene. But along with that we saw Tara reaching out to Xander, Xander trying to be a peacemaker, Dawn being a real teenager. I nominate you for the Best Rehabilitation of A Scooby or Scoobies in a Fanfic.

I had a brief WWJD moment when Xander is describing working on the cathedral. I thought What Would Joss Do with that? My conclusion would be something along the lines of a simple-minded "organized religion is for uncool people and so must be made to look stupid and evil so cool people, like moi, can show how cool we are" scene. So from Mary (the Anti-Joss) I can expect nearly anything including just this brief scene. If this were the national news Joss would be the helicopter newghoul flying over the stranded people and getting them to wave because chopper shots are cool while Mary would be the NPR reporter talking to the contractor paying his crew to come with him to help or the people bringing their beloved bass boats to the flooded city to help. End of rant, back to the feedback.

The layers in the scene at the Magic Box were almost unbearable, as if we alone could see that half those there were falling away without the others even seeing the danger. Willow, the grown up observant version you created that has a learning curve, breaks through the despair before it does a hat trick of horror. The others react in ways that seem correct and true to them and the people around them.

Then that lovely cliffhanger-"Where's Tara?"

We're all wondering and waiting.

Thank you for this,


Jixer



BTW- I just have to wonder how is MKF handling the baby? Avoidance? Another creature to worship the cat? Why aren't you feeding it the mice I brought?

[russ]

In the interest of getting some feedback written for this chapter, I'm writing as I go through the first reading. Not having read what others have written, there may be some redundancy.

Reading this brought to mind a line from a song that just happened to be on the CD player:

"Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable, And lightness has a call that's hard to hear." -- E. Saliers, "Closer to fine"

It's pretty clear from the beginning that Tara is about to become a victim; her irrational anger at any suggestion that Kyra might be more than a "normal" baby (is there such a thing?) is just like Willow's behaviour when Faith arrived. And she did already identify danger to Kyra as her greatest fear.

Willow's question, "Nobody's feeling kinda crazy?" shows the problem with trying to fight this. No one does feel crazy; their thoughts and feelings seem perfectly rational and normal to them at the time. Meanwhile, Willow is extra-sensitive, trying so hard to make everyone feel better, to say the right things. She knows someone is under attack as if she can feel it in the air. And with her knowledge she saves the lives of three of her friends. Go, Will! At this point it seems the only weapon they have is that one who has been attacked will recognize what's going on with others.

You truly know these characters, Mary. You've gotten deep inside their fears and insecurities. In some ways I feel worse for Giles than the others. His feelings of loneliness, being too old and obsolete are with him all the time and he has no one who loves him in the way Tara loves Willow, or Xander loves Anya.

The suspense of hearing the victims' thoughts and not knowing whose they were was a masterful touch. Gradually the identities were revealed until, with Willow, we could see who was in danger.

I wonder what the Big Nasty's (henceforth BN) motivation is. If it only wanted to fill its quota, it would have stayed away from Willow & co., picking on unconnected victims. Instead, it seems to have taken its defeat personally, and is going after those close to Willow.

Speaking of which, oh cruelest of authors, "Where's Tara?"

Eagerly waiting,

Russ

Edited to heartily endorse Jixer's rant & comments.

[Willow~Rosenberg]

Ok, I took extra long with my reply this time. College started up for me this week and I've been pressed for time. Why is it that every professor feels compelled to give you as much work as possible on the first class?! Anyway, here's my feedback. Thanks for leaving a light on for me.

Gripping update. From the moment that you started hinting gat a change in Tara's usual attitude, I had a bad feeling. The way that you kept switching people with the thoughts worked really well as I kept trying to figurre out why the voice kept shifting. Very clever to have it attack three (four if Tara?) people at one time.

Also, Willow has an inside connection to the thing now. She knew which once were being attacked. This should prove to be a valuable asset to the Scoobies in the future.

When the last scene played out at the Magic Box, I kept thinking wondering why Tara wasn't there. I hope that if she was attacked that WIllow gets there in time. I don't even want to contemplate what's going through Willow's mind at that point. She's got to be up to her eyeballs in self-recrimination that she's asked where everyone else is, but then notices that Tara is not there.

I wonder what kind of an impact of Faith this is going to have. Sometimes, if you come close to losing a person, it helps you sort out your feelings double quick. Then again, Faith still might never tell Buffy. I admit, I hope that it would work out for them. Then again, you've pointed out that Buffy is pretty much the dictionary definition of straight thus far. Of course, as I type this, I'm hearing Alice from The L Word saying, "Most girls are straight until they're not." So, I can hope.

Very tense update with an EVIL cliffhanger. Where IS Tara? I'll be waiting for your next update and trying to come up with my own answer for that.

[innergeek]

So I'm innocently reading along knowing I'm going to get another great chapter to chew on with the wonderfully peppered humor at the beginning…like:

Kyra was asleep in her crib, thumb poised just beyond her mouth, ready to spring into action if called upon.

I love these little moments that are so poignantly woven in the very real and scary big moments

Or this one:

Wasn't it possible that Kyra was just...pointing and grunting?

Chuckle…pointing and grunting….I don't think I've ever seen that in a fan fic….

Even with poopy diaper descriptions, I still go….awwwww….

And then this one:

"Maybe that was part of the deal he struck with the forces of darkness," Tara suggested. "They promised him untold riches, but in exchange he had to let an old tabby cat crawl up onto his head and die, its shiny, bushy tail sweeping right across his forehead for all eternity."

LOL. It is precisely these kinds of descriptions that cause beverages to be forcefully expelled through nostrils. You are a danger….a danger, I say. There should be nostril warnings posted!

AND THEN comes the unraveling.

Insidiously malevolent how the “internal” dialog stops becoming just Willows voice but other's as well…including Tara, who is not with them. Eek! I'm on absolute pins and needles I tell you…gripping, and really really creepy. I bow down before your masterful story telling.

It's weird, but the way I felt, rushing to the end of the update, was like I was watching a really suspenseful movie with the chilling sound track that lets you know something Really Bad is going to happen. I had the strong urge to cover my ears and eyes.

I am looking forward to the day when this story is complete, because I take the really good ones from the kitten board and bind them in a book and put them in my library. Yours is the kind of writing that needs to be on paper and bound with a beautiful cover. I would happily pay serious dinero for it. I'm also looking forward to that foggy grey day when I can pull this off my shelf, curl up in front of the fire and read it from cover to cover.

Thanks for sharing your considerable talent with us.
Respectfully submitted by your humble fan,
Jenny

[Vampivy]

Breathtaking Mary, absolutely breathtaking.

“Where’s Tara?” Indeed.

Patty

[JustSkipIt]

Hi Mary,
If I were making a list of the 10 greatest ff updates of all time (which I would never do although I now worry about giving Watson more ideas), this would definitely be near the top. The way you interspersed the negative thoughts was genius and so incredibly fluid that it was a horrifying joy to read.

I got right off that they were shifting and then amused myself trying to identify each one. At first I thought that it was just an experimental type of omnicient POV and then a chill literally went through me as I realized that it was our BB. It seemed that the distribution was so wide and I really worried for our cast.

Now I'm wondering: did Willow gain some immunity, some greater ability to recognize it and to understand each character's weakness? She hit both Giles' and Buffy's on the nose and her "muggle" solution certainly worked. If so, will the three of them now be more able to spot it when/if the BB comes for Faith, Xander, Dawn, and Tara?

Am I worried about Tara? Not that particularly because #1 the BB was already after its 3 but also... um ... this is a W/T board so I feel pretty confident that W/T will survive. Nonetheless, the distribution of thoughts would tend to indicate that Tara is in danger. Let's find her.

PS. Thanks for the PM. To let everyone know, The family and I are fine. Austin was unhit by the storm and is now accepting up to 5000 refugees. I think we will have a real city-wide effort to accomodate and treat them. Please pray with us.

[watty]

If I were making a list of the 10 greatest ff updates of all time (which I would never do although I now worry about giving Watson more ideas)

If watty weren't feeling a spot of the blues, watty might take up your idea, though that prob means re-reading something like 50 fics cos there are so many candidates.

Wait, my ego just told me. Parts 14 and 15 of Common Areas, how's that?

No? I have to keep on topic? I'll gladly give this, Part 18 of As Time Goes By, the Ultimate FanFic Update of All Time award, and I don't think we'll have any dissention in the ranks.
[br]

[daiailun]

Using one of Willow’s own understatements from an earlier chapter, that last update has got to be one of the most … ‘noteworthy’ chapters, ever. I’m with JustSkipIt, they just don’t come like this very often. This was absolutely incredible. The prose was a whorl wind that picked me up and set me down, winded, in a different place. I knew we’d probably see someone else de-rail, but I never imagined that it’d be a three-way collision, and that it would happen so soon to Willow’s own. This BB must really be pissed by now.

You know, about Tara and the Kyra-wasn’t-sent-to-protect…Tara is usually so wise, gentle, and humble that her uncharacteristic rigidity regarding Kyra’s purpose and nature has me, well not so much baffled, as intrigued. Normally I sardonically would think gee she’s got issues that she doesn’t want to face, but I know from GSA what kind of issues she may have and from whence they would have come. Logically, I guess, Tara feels so certain about this protectiveness bit because of her own mother’s role that saved Tara from all kinds of additional abuse. Maybe that’s why the conversations have been mostly about physical protection. But children can also provide protection of different sorts for parents and adults. Their inquisitiveness helps keep our own minds dancing with wonder; their boundless energy protects us from lethargy; their openness to the newcomer widens our own circle of friendship. And here I’m thinking about Kyra welcoming Faith, literally flinging her arms open to the Dark Slayer. Funny, in the Scoobies’ world where demons literally growl under beds, Kyra may have indeed protected them by just being what Tara desperately hopes she is – just a normal wonderful everyday human child, doing what kids her age do best. Had Kyra not trustingly thrown her arms open to Faith, the gang may not have been nudged to hear Faith out further, and Willow may not be alive now.

Other things I liked: Faith’s “Don’t you even think about leavin’ me to face this shit on my own,” was heartbreaking. But not so heartbreaking as Dawn’s quiet voice that came immediately after it. Were we just privy to their deepest fears?

And can Faith get any cooler than axing a something in reverse and killing a vamp with a rogue chopstick ‘cause she was pissed and hungry!? You mentioned that you’re having a lot of fun writing Faith, and it shows!

More than great stuff, Mary! Thank you so much.

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello all. Hope everyone's well.

Patches: Hey sweetie--I didn't see your edit before I posted my first batch o' replies. Please come out from under that rock--we miss you! If that's the biggest mistake you make, you're about 483 miles and a stop light ahead of me. Hope you're enjoying the company at your place.

Jixer: You know, I felt my heart do a little twist when you described the newsghoul/NPR moment, b/c I've been watching so much of the coverage and trying to figure out how best to help. So I'm grateful, on multiple levels, for your comments. I agree w/ your observation re: JW's treatment of organized religion. I thought it was one of the few areas where he went black/white, instead of his usual take: Powerful things can be used for good or evil.

The Donald's hair? Oh, yeah...You know, when I first wrote it, I talked about his deal including having to look as if a cat had died on his head. And then I thought, "Wait a minute: This is a deal with the darkest of forces. Screw the simile; the cat actually did crawl up on his head and die!" It was such fun to imagine.

A lot of people in various stories here respond to the characters actually growing and learning. I think that's one of the things that characterizes the tales on this board: folks aren't frozen in time.

Thank you for your kind words on the MB scene. It was a helluva lot of fun to write, once I figured out what to do. Willow could tell something was off, and you're right: she's learned from her experience, is more attuned for having had it. Thanks for the kind words, Jixer, and I promise: I won't turn organized religion into a caricature here.

Russ: Anybody who quotes Emily is alright by me! (Of course, you already were, but still...) Ah, but here's the question: is her anger irrational? Is she vulnerable in a mystical kind of way, or is this just fierce mother love? Let me ask the author. (Mary slips behind the curtain for a moment; returns.) She says you'll find out soon.

You absolutely nail the point re: this fight's greatest challenge: Nobody does feel crazy. This feels like a normal progression of thoughts, and it moves so incredibly fast. They weren't lying in the Magic Box when they assured Willow they were fine. There is power to be gained from surviving this, though, as Willow has learned.

I definitely ached for Giles, too. He feels his separateness more acutely than he ever lets on. In this youth-obsessed culture (and in southern California, no less), he recognizes that his particular aloneness cannot be bridged: he will always be considerably older than anyone else in this group, and that gap will never change.

Excellent point re: this BB's particular motives: why not just go pick off some unsuspecting White Hats? We'll be talking about that.

Thanks so much for the support, Russ. How's the garden? Mine is bountiful, but the back section (the tomatoes!) is crawling with banana spiders and I'm an arachnophobe. I keep having friends come over and "relocate" them. Makes for a twitchy harvest.

WillowRosenberg: Hey, how are classes looking? Glad you liked the "big sweep" concept; it was fun to write. I like that you had a bad feeling as you read it. That may sound weird, but I wanted it to have this kind of gathering dread. Yes, Willow's knowledge is helpful.

It's really interesting to read everyone's ideas on Faith and Buffy. When I watch their scenes, I definitely see some subtext, but I'm not always sure what kind of subtext. There's just clearly a very, very powerful energy b/w these two.

Thanks for following this, WR. Good luck with the semester!

Jenny: (Love your board name...) I have to admit, I love writing this stuff b/c it lets me incorporate humor into things. I'm glad you enjoy it! As for the NEP (Nostril Expulsion Problem), you may find some helpful information at ww.nostrilexpulsion.com.

I'm glad you enjoyed the suspense of the scene. It was great fun to write. I loved your image of the movie experience!

And thanks so much for the wonderful words about the kitten collection--what a great idea! No need for dinero, darlin'--Kitten energy is all the payment I could want. Have a great one.

Patty: Hey girl! Great to see you. Glad you're enjoying this, and thanks for letting me know.

Debra: Wow--considering the quality of the writing on this board (yours most definitely included), your words brought a blush to my very heart. (Don't ask how I could see it; it's best we not discuss that.) A horrifying joy? What a great phrase! Thank you. I loved your description of the process, b/c that's what I was shooting for. It was tricky (and as a writer yourself, I'm sure you can imagine this) to start interspersing the thoughts at the beginning and keep their owners anonymous. I needed to include enough content to make a point about the source of the thought, but not write so much that it was clear who was thinking it. I had more leeway toward the end, as Willow was figuring out first that someone was "infected" and then that multiple people were infected. But there was a lot of shortening at the beginning.

You bring up an interesting point re: Tara's safety. I think one of the challenges that writers face here is how to create compelling danger for either Willow or Tara (if that's a part of their s/l) when it's absolutely clear that they will indeed live. I think back to your great Paths Diverged, Divulged when in the opening scene Willow is tracing the lettering of Tara's gravestone. You took that on and wrote a great AU story. There's a built-in constraint here (one which we certainly embrace gladly) that creates a challenge in writing scenes of threat.

Is there a heightened sensitivity and/or immunity in having survived? A lot of folks are wondering about that, and we'll address it in the next update.

I'm so glad you're OK down there, Debra, and I agree that citizens' responses are amazing. (The federal government? Well, George couldn't make it out until Wednesday, 'cuz he had a meeting with business cronies in San Diego on Tuesday, and Homeland Security didn't classify it as an event of "national significance" until late Tuesday.) My friend in Baton Rouge was helping sort through donations late on Thursday and this guy just pulls up to the gymnasium and drops off over $2K and food that he had individually raised. Where had he come from? Freakin' Wisconsin. Drove all night, walked in with his stuff, and said, "How can I help?" Amazing...

Thanks for the very kind words, Debra, and give my kudos to your fellow Texans for all that you're doing to help.

Watson: Why so blue, writer most true? Hope the heart's okay...

And as for your incredibly gracious award: I offer my infinite gratitude, and yet I must decline. Having seen the work here on the boards, I know that there are far too many worthy contenders. And what's this Common Areas to which you refer? Sounds like something I must check out...

Hope the blues depart fairly quickly, though I have found that some of my better writing emerges from them...And thanks again for sending in such thoughtful feedback.

Daiailun: You know, you have such a great eye for emotional subtext and repercussion. Your thoughts on Kyra and the various forms that protection can take are just superlative. You're absolutely right: the group embraced Faith far more readily than they would otherwise have done b/c Kyra so obviously likes her. As I was reading your words on the impact that children can have, I found myself thinking, "Wow--I need to get pregnant!" I mean, you're totally right. Who of us doesn't look upon children--esp. the ones we love--and feel a hope that maybe good does still exist in the world? And your observations about the impact of Tara's family on her current relationship to and feelings about Kyra are wonderful. I'm deliberately leaving Tara's particular "deal" here a little ambiguous re: its origin. Is it fierce mother love? Does she look more rigid than she actually is b/c we typically see her as so calm and open? Has she been targeted and if so, will this be her point of infection?

Thanks so much for taking the time to send out your ideas, Daiailun. I love reading them. Glad you're enjoying this!

OK--more later.
Mary

[spells42]

Mary
Your update continues your usual high standard of fic writing: intriguing, thrilling, gripping. I'd say more, but it's already been said with far more eloquence and skill than I can assay, in the fb above.

Looking forward to more.

BTW, can't believe you haven't read Common Areas. You must, it's a great fic.

[elitetech04]

I was reading Steve Rankin AKA Mr. Maclay's filmography on the Internet Movie Database and he played a character on All My Children years ago...the character's name??? Jerry BENSON...hmmmm isn't it ironic?

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello, all. A couple of final replies, and then the update.

Spells42: Thanks so much! And I'll definitely check out "Common Areas." Hope you enjoy the update.

EliteTech04: Whoa...Coincidence? I think not. "6 Degrees of Tara"--now that's a game I could get into!

Thanks,
Mary

[AntigoneUnbound]

AS TIME GOES BY

Part 19

Summary: What the hell's going on here?
Spoiler: You'll find out.
Pairings: Willow and Tara; Pat Robertson and the San Francisco Gay Men's Choir
Disclaimer: Haiku for Ownership: Behold their beauty / These women I do not own / Joss is a wanker

Notes: (1) This section alludes briefly to some history depicted in ""Gods Served and Abandoned" You don't need to have read that story to get the gist here, but if you have any questions, just send me a PM and I'll fill in the blanks. (2) I have most of the next scene written, but wanted to get this up tonight. I'll be posting again by the end of the week. There is much to hash out.

********

"This crap doesn't make any sense."

How many times had she heard that refrain?

"I don't know why I even have to learn this stuff," the grating voice continued. "I'm a business major. I'm gonna go straight into my dad's company when I graduate."

Tara mentally congratulated herself again on having quoted a fee ten dollars over her usual hourly amount when the well-dressed young white man with the "Bush/Cheney 2000" patch on his back-pack had stopped her in the English building last month. "This guy down my hall says you're the best tutor he ever had. I need your help."

She didn't like Blake Mansfield, but she took her work seriously. So seriously, in fact, that she had reached deep within herself and reluctantly prevented him from telling his professor in his first paper, "I don't always give myself enough credit. I guess you could say I suffer from self-defecation."

He had pulled himself up--or rather, Tara had pulled him--to a safe 'C' and she would be well quit of him in two, maybe three weeks. He'll graduate and make sixty thousand his first year. How much did that social worker make--the one who killed herself?

"Because good communication skills will enhance your success in any endeavor," she now said rotely. "Asshole," she mentally added--not so rotely. She could feel her frustration building--with Blake; with all of these students who never seemed to question the good fortune that they had been born into.

"So..." Blake began with an air of studied nonchalance that served only the opposite purpose. Tara's ears pricked up immediately. "You seein' anybody?"

You have got to be kidding me.

"Yes," she said simply, after a moment. "Now, we were discussing narrative perspectives. As Gaye Nau Carr talks about in her text, the primary--"

"You two serious?"

"Blake, I really don't want to talk about--"

"Because, you know, if he's not doin' it for you--"

"She does, Blake. She does it for me very well. And stop dropping the 'g's' on your gerunds."

Ah, the look. How best to describe it? "Shocked titillation," she decided.

"Whoa...You're a ..." He seemed unable to say the word.

"Lesbian," Tara helped out. "Lesbo. Dyke. Yes--a big one." She felt uncharacteristically irritable. She didn't like Blake, but she was a little surprised by the acerbity of her reaction. "Can we return to the topic of your writing?"

"Oh--sure." He shifted noisily in his chair. "Hey, listen...I didn't mean to offend you," he began.

"No offense taken," Tara lied, then realized she wasn't exactly sure what had offended her.

His entire being, she decided. Picking up her red pen, she stifled a yawn. i should've turned in about an hour earlier last night.

The rest of the tutorial passed uneventfully, though Tara was aware of Blake casting her sidelong glances. If he asks about our sex lives, or if I've ever thought about being with a man, I will rip his face off.

As they wrapped up and set their next appointment, Blake cleared his throat awkwardly. "So, um--you ever think about--"

"No!. I haven't thought about it in years, and I'll never think about it in the future." God, people could be so--

"Raising your fee?" he concluded shakily, after a moment in which Tara imagined him stitching the left side of his face back on. "Because you really could." He slung his bag over his shoulder. "See you Tuesday," he added, and practically sprinted out of the student union coffee shop.

Oops.

Tara sighed as she made her way to the counter to order another mocha to go. Perhaps that would wake her up a little. She paid for her drink absent-mindedly and returned to her booth. Maybe he'll think next time before he makes a bunch of assumptions...

Maybe he wouldn't.

She sat down and considered her options. Ordinarily she'd walk the two miles downtown, especially on such a beautiful day. But her legs felt like lead today.

God, I could go for a nap. I'm just--

She sat up abruptly. Exhausted?

OK, now you're being paranoid. Fatigue was to be expected. How could she not be tired, with everything that was going on? But she wouldn't call it exhausted.

A headache? Maybe just a small one, but she suspected it was eyestrain. She was almost certain she needed glasses.

And besides, Willow had described a killer headache. This hardly qualified.

Was she a target? She knew that she fit the entry requirements for being a White Hat. But would it really come for her?

It came for Willow. Her beloved Willow, whom she'd come so close to losing two nights ago. Willow, who would have died if Faith hadn't been there.

I couldn't have saved her. Faith, though, had managed both to reach Willow and pull her back to safety, catching her before the rope snapped--

Oh goddess. She felt faint again, as she had so many times since that moment; as she did whenever she watched that moment in her mind. Sometimes, against her will, she imagined Faith being just a fraction of a shade too late, and she saw Willow's body jerk with the force--

No. No, it didn't happen. But it could have. It would have, if not for Faith. And why had she jumped? Because she believed Tara would leave her. Willow had "seen" her kiss Faith. Willow had watched it happen; seen her worst fear come true.

You did this to her.

"Whoa--the big nasty evil thing did that," she replied aloud, drawing some curious glances.

True, but you didn't see it in time.

She shook her head in frustration. Guilt wouldn't help anything.

Thank the goddess for Faith...Poor Faith, who loved a woman who might not be able to return that love. Faith, who had the strength and the speed to reach Willow, because God knows Tara didn't.

There's not an ounce of fat on that girl. What would it be like to move that quickly? To be in such perfect shape?

Tara? Tara had practically lumbered to the window. She had a sudden memory of 9th-grade dodgeball: Tim O'Reilly, hitting her in the rear. She felt the sting, heard the sharp "thwack" of the ball smacking against her shorts. "Couldn't hardly miss it," Tim gloated, to a chorus of laughter.

Now you're just feeling sorry for yourself. You call that suffering?

I don't call it fun, she answered silently.

People go through lots worse.

"How about getting slapped around on a weekly basis?" she muttered in reply to herself.

Yeah, Donnie beat on you. And Daddy beat on Donnie. At least your mother loved you.

And at least if she died, Kyra would be in better shape than Tara herself was after her mother died.

At least you got out.

Nothing would ever make her go back there, to that cold harsh place where people made fun of her and home was no sanctuary. She'd worked so hard to get away...

She'd left, and they'd come after her, with tales of demons and how she'd hurt people if she didn't come home where they could keep an eye on her. That lie had been stripped bare, and she took another step into her life with Willow.

And then Donnie had come after her, with a whole new horror story that threated to drag her back.

Finally, she had gone to them, to put that time and place behind her. She'd faced her old family with her new one and at the end of that day she'd left exhausted but free.

She didn't talk much about that time, though she knew Willow would listen and hold her and love her through it. But that conversation was exhausting, and there was still some quiet, superstitious part of her that believed that giving voice to it gave it power, breathed new life into embers best left to fade into ash.

And now, two years past that showdown, one of the things she just found it easier not to talk about was the fact that every now and then old ghosts came to her in her sleep; ran cold fingers over her when she least expected it. There was one bone-dry voice that roused itself from its deathbed--randomly, fleetingly--to whisper: You still belong to me.

But this was her home now, she reminded herself as she sipped her mocha, still not moving from her booth. This was where she belonged and no one could make her leave. Willow was her home; Willow, whom she loved passionately, fiercely, wildly.

Just like Daddy loved Mom.

She jerked back as if slapped, her heart slamming into her ribs. "No," she whispered. "It's different."

He had a wife he loved. They were expecting a child--one he loved as much as you love Kyra.

"That doesn't make us the same," she answered herself.

He let himself believe she loved him...

"She did love him."

For one, brief period. She loved him for the best moment of his life, and then she got tired of him.

"That's not how it happened."

She got tired of him and left and he went back to that cold place, all alone.

"No--he lied to her to try to keep her." Tara knew that the people in the next booth were looking at her, but she didn't care. They couldn't understand.

Because he knew she wouldn't love him the way he loved her. Because she was bright and joyful and beautiful and he was plain and dull. Of course she got tired of him.

"No. It wasn't like that."

Someone so vibrant...She wasn't meant to be with someone like him. She found someone else...

Oh goddess--she was tired. Just a nap, just a respite to clear her head, which was hurting worse now...

Wait--yes, the headache...

Does Willow see it? You talk to her about facing her fears and how you'll never leave her, even if you do think Faith is kinda hot. You act like you have it together, but you don't tell her, do you?

The headache was important.

Willow doesn't know how scared you are, does she? You can't tell her, because if you did, she'd worry about you.

She felt disoriented, unsure why she was having this argument with herself. She shook her head as if to clear some space. She was just tired, and if her head would quit hurting...

Willow, who fights demons and vampires and helps save the world. She'd have to worry about you, too. Worry about you feeling scared...

No. Think. She was just tired...

In the middle of some battle, her mind might wander and that's all it would take. You're amazed, too, aren't you, that no one has died yet? What if Willow's the first? What if she dies because she's thinking about you instead of the vampire that's about to sink his teeth into her neck? Beautiful Willow, falling cold and lifeless to the ground because she was wondering if you were OK. Wondering if you were scared of turning into the man who raised you or if you were worried because you don't look like Buffy or Anya or any of the other girls who wear tight pants and show off their stomachs...

"This is crazy."

Right. This wasn't her.

Oh goddess, it hurt.

Poor Tara's upset. Poor Tara feels fat. Poor, stuttering Tara...

She stabbed blindly into her bag to grab some aspirin, hands shaking. Pulling out the small plastic bottle, it took her a moment to see it clearly. It took her another moment to see the note folded and taped onto the side. She recognized Willow's writing.

Baby, do you have a headache? What are you thinking?

See? She has to worry about you enough as it already is.

Are you feeling shaky? Are you tired?

What if she's thinking about this when she's attacked? How will you explain it to the others?

Tara, this thing works so quickly. If you have a headache, or if you're tired, please call me!

How will you explain it to Kyra?

She gave a small cry, heedless of the nearby patrons who were now staring openly. Then she shook her head again, fiercely. Willow was trying to reach her. She looked back at the note, squinting. Her head was throbbing.

Tara, if you're thinking anything along the lines of me being better off without you, STOP IT! Even if you can't stop it, b/c I know it's not that simple, JUST HOLD ON! KEEP READING THIS NOTE, OVER & OVER!

Kyra, left with only...you. Because Willow died...

Tara stared at the note, some tiny voice on a far shore of her mind screaming at her not to look away. If she looked away, she was gone.

Don't. Blink.

Tara, if you're reading this I want you to call me. I'll be home until 2, & then I'm going to the store. Get to a payphone. See? I taped 2 quarters to the aspirin bottle.

See how she worried about you? What doesn't she see, because she's thinking of you?

Pay phone. Yes--there was one, on that wall. But it was so far away, and she was so tired. And her headache--had she even taken the aspirin?

The aspirin. The aspirin held Willow's note. Willow's note held her. She dragged her eyes back to her lover's writing, her mind shrieking with the effort. Everything hurt so bad...

She drew a deep breath, and rose slowly to her feet. One more breath, and then she took a shaky step forward: quarters clutched in one hand; Willow's note in the other.

Are you really going to be that selfish? Willow's working on something so important. You're going to call her now? Distract her? Inconvenience her?

She stared at the note again, reading the lines over and over, making her way blindly to the phone.

I LOVE YOU, BABY! I NEED YOU!

How long did it take her to reach the phone? How many times she she trip over something, or someone? And no one offered to help.

You're embarrassing yourself. If Willow could see you, tripping and lurching like this...

And then she was there, and the receiver was in her hand, and she was somehow forcing the quarters into the slot with awkward, stupid, fumbling fingers and then she had punched in the numbers and it was ringing...Oh God, please pick up--

There's still time. Leave. Let her do her work. Don't let her see you like this.

--and finally Anya answered but her voice sounded worried and dim and Tara heard herself say, from someplace far outside her own mind:

"Tell Willow I need her."

********

It took Xander exactly twelve minutes to hurtle his very used Mercury down Safuega and then Watson and finally onto campus, Buffy shouting directions. The Slayer had only been pulled back from her own brink a few moments before Tara called, but insisted she felt well enough to go.

"I know where the union is," she said, turning to Xander. "You drive; I may need back-up. Willow, keep Tara on the line."

Later, Willow wouldn't be able to recall exactly what she'd said. She knew only that they were words of love and assurance and reality; mantras that she tried to cast over Tara like a cloak. She thought briefly of using some sort of spell to wrap Tara's mind in a safe cocoon, but she couldn't risk any mistakes and she didn't want to break voice contact for even the few seconds it would take to utter the words.

At first, Tara could mumble little beyond, "I'm still here." Gradually though--far too gradually for Willow's taste--her voice grew stronger. By the time she let herself sag into Buffy's arms, Tara was able to whisper, "You used the crimson-colored pen. Guess you meant business."

Xander took the receiver and placed it gently back onto its cradle as Buffy rested her head briefly against Tara's. None of them moved for a moment, oblivious to the stares. Finally, Tara squeezed Xander's hand.

"Take me to Willow."

********

To Be Continued

[Naeryn]

DIBS! *evil cackle fades away as she bounces off to read...*

Okay, about the last update:
I loved the way you played with Anya's, Buffy's and Giles' fears. Actually, they were the three I *wasn't* expecting to be preyed upon - I figured it would be Faith, Dawn and Xander, if any. I'm glad you picked those three, however. They always seem to be the most secure ones, and it added another element of humanity to them, particularly Anya.

I loved the particular thoughts that Buffy was having, and Faith's reaction when she found out how Buffy was thinking. I think, if you decide that you're going to go the B/F-relationship route, you've got it well set up to do so, despite Buffy's no-prior-inclination thing.

Now, about this one:
Good God, girl! You've got me shaking! That was really stressful to read... and kind of scary. Not because there was any chance Tara wouldn't survive it, but because... well, you depicted it well. Very well. Suicide... the urge to commit suicide, it's often very like that. First the shaking, the panic, your head is throbbing and you can't think, you can't breathe, and then you're just... calm.

It was almost creepy, the accuracy with which you described it. Enough to almost make me worry about you. Thank god for smart Willow, taping the note to the pill bottle, and before, knowing that something was wrong.

You're really doing the characters justice with this. I love it. And from a psychological point of view, it's absolutely fascinating.

[GayNow]

Normally this would be the place where I would call "second dibs"...but since I still haven't processed the previous update enough to form coherent feedback, let me just say "Yay for an update!"

I promise, my next post in this thread will be feedback for both updates.

Carleen

[The Rose24]

Geez. Phew! The BB tries to do a number on Tara. This was hard to read.

Quick thinking on Willow's part.

[Patches]

Hello good scribe. While our guests sleep off the vestiges of jet lag, I decided to wander down and peruse the board, and lookie what’s here! Ah, what a great holiday, friends we’ve not seen in six months *and* an update.

You might consider changing your disclaimer to read GS&A instead of As Time Goes By since it took simple brain here three separate reads of both your current title and that sentence to think I hadn’t completely lost my marbles (but, if you find any in your back yard, please do take good care of them. Don’t have to feed them, just a little polish with a soft cloth every now and then. Btw, *definitely* staying away from nuclear plants; adding them to the list: poison ivy, poison oak, stinging nettles and nuclear plants. Check!! Uh, btw, that little screw up was just one of many. Seemed kinda dumb to fuck up the character's names--uh, ya, I actually did read the chapter, honest. Semi-literate, I can take; looking like an idiot, shivers...lol.)

The opening to the tutor session ‘self-defecation?’ OMG…(sung to the ‘lollypop song’) ‘malaprop, malaprop, oh, I love those malapros. Bha dum, dum, dum…’ Great Haiku, btw.

As for the rest…Mary, sometimes you really do scare me. You’re always quick to offer a kind word if someone says they’re having a bad day/cold/life, but good God, from whence springs this ability to write bone-chilling evil? (Feel free to say anything but ‘practice.’) That BB, which here sounded like the ‘evil at work’ (although Tara’s having an internal dialogue) eeps; it’s what I’d imagine the inner workings of a schizophrenic mind to be like. Frankly, it’s down right creepy. Switching the internal narrative to second person…Yiikes, and did I mention, creepy. Good lord, you can feel the thoughts whittling away at Tara’s mind. Her actions are reactions so inappropriate and hinting at the start of the spiral. Must say, great save on Willow’s part; Kudos for that stroke of genius. Naeryn kinda summed up some of my thoughts too…all the elements of ‘insanity’ and the press of emotion/thought/drive/panic, and then a moment of perfect clarity—pretty damned close. Right, that’s my missive for the evening. Thanks, Mary. You always give me something to think about, some new little twist to keep the pages turning. Hope you’re having a good week!

Cheers!!
Patches

[jixer]

Hello Kittens-


Well, that was a creepier read than my last foray into Lovecraft (The Rats In The Walls) because this is close to home or rather work. I'd say this foray into darkness is echoed in many lives, only some of whom are lucky enough to reach out in time. Tara was thanks to Willow's forethought and the especially important color crimson.

The image of Willow holding onto Tara with her words was softly heart wrenching and the fear of losing Tara came through in Buffy and Xander.

Now I'm really wondering how you're going to deal with the single most important relationship-Kyra and Miss Kitty. "Another human to worship me?", "Keep that thing away from me?", or possibly "Don't touch those mice, they're for the baby!"


Jixer

[Darth Pacula]

G'day, Mary.

Blimey, that was intense. Looks like Willow was right to worry about Tara. You started off fairly lightly, but wham! Straight into the bad stuff. I just have to say I loved the 'self-defecation' line. I laughed so much, I almost self-defecated.

I also loved the way you completely defeated Tara's expectations as to what Blake aka asshole was asking. There are times when even us straight guys can surprise you.

It was interesting to see that Tara recognized the symptoms of your insidious Big Bad at work, when the others didn't. But it didn't seem to help her fight off the effects much. Thanks be to whichever deity you prefer for Willow's little backup plan. That was bloody brilliant.

The way your villain operates is getting more and more chilling at every turn. Everybody's got their own little foibles and self-doubts; parts of themselves they hate or fear, and this Big Bad is seriously good at playing upon those fears. Picking up on Tara's fear that she might turn into her father, which I doubt she even knew about herself, was the straw that broke the donkey's back. Who hasn't been afraid of turning into their parents at one point or another.

Well, this Big Bad had better hope that it's incorporeal, or it is going to get it's arse royally pummeled. Two pissed off slayers, two pissed off witches, not to mention everyone else? The Big Bad is going to be in a world of pain when they catch up to it.

That's got me wondering about the baddies nature though. Perhaps it is incorporeal. Who says that it is even sentient. It could be a force of nature, if that's the right word for something that's supposedly supernatural, as devoid of malice or even motive as the weather.

Then there's this prophecy floating around. I was thinking about it the other day and I came up with an idea. Say perhaps that Kyra is a force of great good in the world, or will be when she grows up. Perhaps then, all of these ordinary people who were working for the common good are being eliminated to guarantee the balance between good and evil. Neither can exist without the other, so a balance has to be maintained to prevent the scales from tipping.

That's all complete conjecture though. Whatever you end up doing, it's going to be fun reading it.

P.S. Thanks for your comments on 'At Any Cost'. I'm going right there now to respond.

Bye for now,
Paul.

[watty]

Well, it shows how wrong my gut was, to think that Tara won't be attacked. *bad gut!* Tara didn't happily push the door of the Magic Box open and find everyone crazy. Willow didn't unceremoniously jump on her and give her a big huge smooch. I should stop trying to second guess other writers.

As soon as we got further into the interaction with Blake, my sense of doom was triggered, though not before applauding Tara on her forthrightness.

The MO is the same, a series of blindingly quick thoughts that adapt themselves to the victim's surroundings and own thoughts, with an answer to every question, every doubt, every small emotion the victim might be feeling. Still, Tara seems to be the only one so far who has an inkling to what is happening to her, while it is happening, and is trying to stand it down.

The headache was important.

She knows. But man, those thoughtattacks are persistent aren't they?

"Tell Willow I need her."

In the face of such an overwhelming attack (re-surfacing all her insecurities about her body, her need for acceptance), I'm awestruck at her inner strength.

Hurray to Willow! The first word that came to my mind after reading this update was smallpox. Now don't look at me like I'm nuts! (Well, I *am* nuts, but in a good way, just ask anyone around here. ) It's all to do with immunity / immunization, which Debra brought up. Seems like Willow, having survived the attack, is in a better position to deal with the threat, to the point where she's almost able to pre-empt it. The messages taped to the aspirin bottle are both inspired and very effective. One of the reasons is how well she knows Tara and the other Scoobies, and in a perverted way, I'm glad the first victim was Willow, cos only she would come up with such effective antidotes.

It also makes me hopeful. If Willow has immunization (and fighting power), now that Buffy, Giles, Anya and Tara have also survived the attack, will they also be stronger? Will they have an increased understanding of how the BB operates, and will help in preventing / pre-empting further attacks? How can they help the other do-gooders who are not part of the Scoobies?

At the risk of being proven wrong again, I'd venture to say that if I were the BB, I'd be more worried now, cos the tables are slowly being turned. Problem with backing evil things up against the corner though is how much more desperate they get, and the White Hats have to be on their toes now.

Great update, Mary! I'm so glad they're coming in thick and fast too.


p.s. yay! for the shoutout! I'm a road? Heehee. We must be thinking alike, cos there's a little shoutout to *you* in the latest (and last) Amazing Kitten Race update, the TARCon one. Warning though, if you haven't read Kitten Race and would like to, I'd suggest against reading the latest update, cos you'll find out who won.

p.p.s. A little bit of self-promotion. First, thanks, spells42 for the endorsement.

what's this Common Areas to which you refer?

Common Areas was the first fic I posted on the board. It doesn't come close to having the depth and jaw-dropping inspiration as yours, it's just a short little thing, really. People seem to like it. I'm kinda proud of it too, though I can't bear to read it anymore.
[br]

[justin]

Phew an update. I have to say I don't think I've awaited an update with as much nervous anticipation since... well since a certain aunt Bev took a crossbow bolt in the shoulder.

I liked the tutorial session though dropping the g's from your gerunds? that sounds painful

It seems likely that the BB attacked Tara since it wanted revenge against Willow for having survived (which strengthens the idea that Willow herself is immune now) but it was still a bad choice. I mean Tara spent her childhoold being told that she was evil, that she was a monster and needs to be beaten in order to avoid hurting people. The fact that she survived that and grew up to be such a caring person proves how strong she is, and that the BB would have an uphill struggle trying to get to her.

Though things might have been different if it hadn't been for Willow's foresight. It seems obvious now. Needing aspirin = headache = possible attack by the BB so leave a note of encouragement on the aspirin.

So now we have another survivor. I'm betting the BB's getting pretty pissed now. So, the question is, what is it going to do?

[Puff]

Hi Mary how are you? Loved the haiku btw, very funny. Nursing school is intense but fun at the same time so I guess that is ok, although I would like more time to spend with the horses.

It looks like Willow and Tara need to have a hard talk. Tara has some fears that she really should be sharing because they have lingered for some time now. I am pleased that she had the strength of mind to fight and keep reading the note. And the note....you have to love the details like the crimson pen that was brilliant.

The BB must be getting pretty pissed right about now, I didn't like how it brought up Kyra a lot (even if she is one of Tara's fears), Willow should also watch out because she thrawted (sp?) BB's attempts several times now. Either that or Faith should watch out because she is the one that saved Willow so Willow could do this anyway.

It was a very powerful update, the lethargy came across the most. The sheer struggle to make your body do something. Great stuff Mary As always your humble kittens await more.

[Safuega]

Hey Mary,

Sorry to have been MIA for the last update, real life stuff, and following the New Orleans tragedy on tv/net/radio/newspapers kept me away from the board. Anyhow, I had to come back to cheer up a bit and to continue our lovely dialogue on this wonderful story of yours.

You know, as I read Part 18 and 19 last night it occurred to me that the Scoobies' fears are all the same fear. They are afraid of being replaceable, of not being good enough, of not fitting in. Giles, and Buffy feel obsolete while Anya feels inadequate. Even Tara feels like she is not good enough to be with Willow and views her love for Willow as a burden to Willow because Tara does not measure up to Willow's radiance. If indeed the BB is picking up on this very basic fear then I must retract my previous statement that Faith may be immune because of her painful life. If anything, I now think that she might be the most vulnerable because she has never felt adequate, she has never felt good enough, and so far she has not belonged to anything or anybody. If the other Scoobies, who have had each other for years, can fall prey to these self-deprecating (not to be confused with self-defecating) fears, what are we to make of Faith who is as alone as alone gets and desperately wants to belong to *this* group? Who among the Scoobies can *see* into Faith like Willow *sees* into all the Scoobies to save her? If I have to venture a guess I would say that Buffy might just be the only lifeline to Faith because only a slayer would understand the loneliness that being a slayer entails.


Also, thinking about Giles' thoughts on loneliness made me think that if this were an Aesop fable the moral of the story would be that all of us have the same fears, and all of us feel lonely, but if you have a community and surround yourself with loved ones you can feel a little less lonely.

Lovely update, Mary. Leave it to you to touch on the human condition (i.e. internal fears and self-doubt) in your fic. I know this latest update was all about Tara, but reading about Part 18 and Part 19 together made me see a pattern, if indeed there is one.

Grazie, gracias, obrigada, merci, thank you for the shot out. This was not how I had pictured having a street named after me to turn out, but I am grateful nonetheless.

Alright Mary, I'm off to Puerto Rico tomorrow morning to visit my best friend. I'll return in one week to continue reading your wonderful story and to comment on it.

Safuega

p.s. I see you have corrected the OST reference. Last night I thought I was finally senile because I could not match anything in the update to OST even though I have read OST at least 4 times by now. I'm sending you a PM to ask about GS&A.

[AntigoneUnbound]

Hello all!

Kittens...Kittens who need Kittens...

Again, a few intro notes. First of all, thanks to Car and Patches for letting me know about the misnomer in the opening. I kept looking at it as I proofread and something seemed off. To quote Lloyd Bridges in "Airplane": Guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

There will be beaucoup d' (French for "buckets of") exposition in this next chapter, one element of which will concern the means of infection. There are some differences, separate from content, which will be considered. That will also address the fact that many of Tara's thoughts came in the second-person: You're really going to call her?, e.g.

I wrestled with self-defecation.

I mean, I wrestled with that phrase. What I really wanted was for him to refer to himself as "self-defecatory." (I overheard someone in a line at the coffee shop use the term "self-deprecatory" correctly, but with the background conversation and the hiss of the espresso machine, it had just a faint over-tone of "defecatory." And oh, it brought me such joy!) But I knew that Blake would certainly use spell-check and there's no way that word--which isn't a word--would get through. Other writers out there: Have you ever had wonderful ideas that it killed you to put aside but which you finally realized you just could't pull off without sacrificing non-expendable realism? Hmm...

From a writing standpoint, I wanted Tara to get hit to show (a) some perhaps not fully realized aspects of her own dynamics and (b) how the attack differs as people start catching on. As Watson notes, the tables seem to be turning. How does this creature change strategy?

Most importantly, several of you have commented on the insidiousness of Tara's thoughts, of this BB as it attacks the various Scoobies. Yes, this thing knows what to say and how to say it. Here's how I see it working. It's like an unwanted, invisible hitch-hiker that slides into your car when it's stopped at a light. You don't even see it happen. You don't know it's there for a couple of miles. Then you make a couple of turns and it feels oddly as if someone else's hands are on the wheel, in addition to yours. But of course, that can't be. You're alone. And it's a little unsettling, but hey, you actually recognize this part of town and while you don't like it it seems like you needed to come here anyway; you just can't remember what for. Then you try to turn the car and realize you have no control--but again, you're alone in the car. It must be you--right? That's how this thing feels to me.

OK--on to individual replies.

Naeryn: Kudos on the yellow jersey! I am psyched unto the seventh realm of bliss that you didn't expect G, A, and B to get hit. Your reasoning is very close to what we'll discuss. (Not sure when I became we, but we need to get a bigger shower.) I'm so interested to see people's thoughts re: Faith and Buffy's future. As I toyed with what to do, including the idea of their being sexually involved, I just couldn't see writing a "Buffy's epiphany" scenario. I think other people have done it, and it makes for some hot reading, but I didn't think I could pull it off b/c I don't see that. (Preceding comment re: abundant hotness stands.)

At the risk of sounding odd, I'm glad it felt creepy to you. You're right: that's how it hits. And thank you, truly, for the concern in your post. I've definitely struggled with depression and shame in my life, but the majority of this just comes from watching people and witnessing, again and again, how our own thoughts can turn against us with such vengeance. I find it fascinating that we are one of the most highly developed species w/ re: to brain size/development, and yet so many of our actions are self-defeating. I don't know anyone who truly grew--in a long-term way, one that stuck--through self-denigration.

Psychologically fascinating? Oh, thank you--couldn't ask for better confirmation. And thank you as well for following this and offering up such thoughtful observations.

Car: Hey, don't sweat the timing of the fb! Besides, don't you have an update to your textbook to write? Tara clearly loves your work.

Rose: Always good to see you here! Yep--close call for our girl! Thanks for following, Rose.

A little secret I know about Patches: She's a wide-receiver with 43 catches. (Sorry--I can't stop myself.) I found four marbles tucked under the catnip in my garden. They were totally stoned, girl!

The bone-chilling evil springs from Mother, who sits in a rocker in the attic and offers commentary on my stories. I'd rent her out, but she doesn't like to travel...

I'll be curious to see your thoughts on the narrative perspective as allusions to that emerge in the next update. It's really enjoyable swapping craft ideas with you!

Glad you had a great weekend w/ your friend. It was absolutely beautiful here and I just felt so blessed to have the sun on my back and a dry house. Amazing how we take such things for granted...

Thanks again for following this, Patches, and taking the time to write such thoughtful feedback.

Jixer: Ooh--Lovecraft! That is indeed some creepy stuff...You make a very good point: many people who sgtruggle with such thoughts and fears have no one to notice their descent. It's heartbreaking to me.

Ah, the Miss Kitty/Kyra relationship...You know, I asked MKF about it and she made it pretty clear: the kid can stay so long as she knows her place. "At my paws," was, I believe, the exact location.

Thanks for following this so loyally, Jixer. You always get the psych stuff.

Paul: Glad to bring both some tension and some laughter into your day! You know, it feels important to me to avoid caricature. So, even though I wouldn't like Blake Mansfield either, based on his political persuasion, it felt important not to render him as some complete jerkwad. He does think Tara's a good tutor, even though he believes he shouldn't have to learn this stuff.

Yes, Tara is trying to remember that exhaustion and headache are Not Good Things. But she would have been lost had Willow not anticipated something like that. This BB is indeed a horrifying one by virtue of its specificity. And is it pissed off? Oh, yeah...(Infinitely better than being pissed upon, mind you, but that's not the topic here.) I love your ideas on corporeality: what form does this creature take? Does it need to become corporeal in order to infect someone?

I also enjoyed reading your thoughts about the prophecy, and Kyra as possibly unbalancing the greater scale. Hmm...

Thanks for picking this up and joining the discussion, Paul!

Watson: Didn't I see you on the street corner? Oh, wait--you were the street corner.

You're right: this thing is nasty and very effective. Witness its reaction to Willow's first line. As I mentioned to Paul, Tara recognized that something was up and was trying to fight it, but only Willow's note served as any kind of interruption. A lot of people are wondering about immunity, but one thing I'll say here is that Willow's strategywas a function of her thinking, not heightened power re: this thing in particular. You're right: this thing is pissed off and will become desperate (and therefore more dangerous) as a result.

Hey, it was fun slipping you into the story! Oh, I'm reading Common Areas and I'm loving it! I'll put feedback there when I finish it, but I'm sending you a PM with a particular question that I need resolved before I finish it. Great stuff! And there's a shout-out on "TAKR"? Ooh--I gotta get over there and catch up on that! There's just too much good stuff here!

Thanks for the great thoughts, Watson! Hope life's looking good to you.

Justin: Ah, Aunt Bev! I miss her...You know, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up in another fic some day...

This thing is getting angry, and it definitely wanted Tara: partly as revenge, but also b/c she's a major White Hat--more than she knows. And Willow is a very, very smart woman who realized that if her lover needed aspirin, things might be getting wonky. (There's more on that in the next update.)

Thanks for the good thoughts and for following this so well, Justin!

Paging Nurse Puff...Paging Nurse Puff...Nurse Puff, please come to the Kitten Board stat! God, it's gotta be stressful, sweetie...Hang in there!

The thing that felt important to me in showing Tara's descent was how someone who clearly values emotional honesty can still just find it easier to keep certain things...quiet. She feels she's got a handle on it, and for the most part she does. But she also has this superstitious part that just thinks, "Let that sleeping dog lie." This BB can find any such ripples and turn them into crashing waves. We all have our Waterloos, and sometimes our victories become Waterloos if we don't learn from the defeats that preceded them. Does that make any sense? It's late...

In any case, thanks for taking time out of what I know is a crazy schedule, Puff, and leaving such good stuff. (Poetry intentional, if bad.) Take care!

Safuega: Sweetie, there's no need to apologize for caring about what's happening in the Gulf! It just dwarfs everything else for me right now. The trick, of course, is to stay mindful of it over time, when there's still so much work to do but the news channels have directed their attention elsewhere.

You know, I just love your thoughts on the psychological stuff. Yes, there's a common link: I'm replaceable. I'm the one who's expendable. I'm on the periphery. It feels like variations on a theme, musically speaking. (And if I'm speaking musically, shouldn't I be singing this?) And what does this mean for Faith, and her vulnerability? I like your ideas on Buffy's possible role. Clearly, I see energy b/w them. Whether that can be erotic energy or not remains to be seen, but yes--Buffy will be critical in Faith's future.

And I just think "Safuega" is (a) a lovely name and (b) would be a great name for a street: "I'm heading down to the coffee shop on Safuega; I'll be back in a while."

I returned your PM; hope that helps! Have a great time in Puerto Rico, Safuega, and thanks for the very astute observations and the kind words.

Later, mes amis~
Mary

[HalfCamel]

Hi Mary. What an intense update, just like the last one. I was reading through this and the entire time I was holding my breath thinking, “Holy crap! it’s coming… it’s coming… and there it is.” Your writing is phenomenal. You manage to mix in so many elements and emotions into every scenario it feels like I’m the one actually experiencing it.

After I finished reading the update I was sitting here processing and I thought, “well, look at what the power of love can do.” It can save or it can destroy. First is Willow's love for Tara, which saves Tara. She’s all up on possible scenarios and fixes up the aspirin bottle. Her presence clearly comes across in the notes and in the pen color and in the quarters, and this is the thing that kept Tara from going over the edge. Willow’s love shines through, and gets Tara to that payphone. Then we have Tara’s love for Willow, which almost destroys her. Tara’s fear that her love is tainted and she’ll turn out like her father, and her fear that her love would fail Willow in many ways is what's driving her to the brink. Basically that she’s inadequate for her. But at the end, Tara’s love for Willow is also what saves her.

It’s also mentioned how Tara hasn’t told Willow all of her fears or how her “old ghosts” still haunt her. And on this aspect I thought, “Well, how true is it that no matter how close we are to a person there are still some things we can’t say.” (Geez, Mary! You’re making me think, what’s that all about.) Whether it’s cuz were afraid of what feelings it might dig up or whatever, some things are just difficult to talk about.

And how hard must it have been for Willow to stay on the line and save Tara, instead of running out to her and her?

And on the Buffy/Faith aspect: I think this could be the beginning of something beautiful. Whether it be romantic or not, I think their relationship has great potential. Those two are connected on a level the others can’t begin to understand and if they both learn to trust each other enough I think this could help them heal and move forward and then help each other get through anything.

Well that’s my two cents. Keep’em comin’!
Jackie

[JustSkipIt]

Hey Mary,
I really like this update. It's an interesting contrast to the prior. The prior was a cacophony of big bad voices. This one, just Tara and it seemed so loud. I think you do a good job of portraying the big bad's ability to adapt. It seemed that s/he really is quite good at ad-libbing according to whatever set of thoughts the person happens to be having. I mean, it's able to move between offense at his not being a liberal and asking about her sex life and availability (which you would think would contradict the whole fat/ugly thing) to her family to slowing Willow down. So I'm starting to think that the bb doesn't so much operate on the concept of a person's major fear but on whatever fear s/he can get to at the moment.

Willow's note was great! No wonder the bb came for her first if she just stopped 4 suicides singlehandedly. Way to go Willow. Watson and Safeuga? Lol. Looks like Faith, Xander, and Dawn are on the bb's menu for tomorrow. Hopefully now everyone who has been saved will be as good at battling as Willow was today. Well done.

[LeatherQueen]

Wow. That was... intense. And amazing that Tara was able to fight through it enough to realize that there was something wrong. To get to the phone and call for help. Very awesome update Mary!

And you know, I'm really curious now as to what kind of demon this is affecting everyone. Curiouser and curiouser...

[GayNow]

Fair warning: The coherency of this feedback is suspect. [br]
Okay. So I've read these last two updates about 5 times now. Hopefully I've moved past the "Holy shit" phase -- though I do believe it is a valid phase. There is so much going on in both of these chapters -- even after 5 read-thrus, I know there is more I'm missing.[br]
The BB is getting desperate. It couldn't get Willow, so it goes for the three Scoobies that could be considered the "easiest" to get. And, hey, maybe they were able to save Willow, but they can't save three of them at the same time, right? Wrong. This BB obviously hasn't done its Scooby research. So, BB goes after Tara with a vengeance. But Scooby power should never be underestimated -- specifically, the power of Willow's love for Tara should never be underestimated. Take that, BB![br]
So, the BB has gone after....[br]
Willow: Take out the strongest first. Huh? Willow is the strongest? Lemme 'splain. The redheaded spitfire is the biggest all-around threat. 1) With regard to IQ, she is probably the most intelligent of the bunch (though I'm sure Kyra hasn't been tested yet). 2) She's research girl. She's just behind Giles in the use and knowledge of ancient texts, but no one can beat her computer skills. Need top secret information? Willow's your girl. 3) She's a badass witch. Buffy and Faith are slayers and, thusly, the strongest physically. But Willow can hold her own with some holy water, a cross, a stake, and a handy 'enflame’ spell. 4) She knows every member of the group intimately (eeewww! Not like THAT!). She's known Xander since they were 5. She has been Buffy's confidante since almost day one. She has a special bond with Giles -- in some ways acting as a fellow watcher (she understands his love for dusty books). She knows Anya through Xander, who Willow can read like a book. She knows Faith because, IMHO, they are very much alike. Willow was an outsider once too, wasn't she? She gets Faith. And, of course, she knows Tara best of all. Take out Willow and you take out the backbone of the Scoobies.[br]
Buffy: Buffy has always had feelings of inadequacy. Remember the "my parents divorced because of me" issue? Or being able to stop an apocalypse but not being able to save her mom? Or her amazing relationships with men? (So, maybe Faith has a chance?) She’s smart, but not as smart as Willow or Giles. While she loves and cherishes her friends and their help, I think there's a part of her that feels like she's not a good slayer because she doesn't do it alone. So, yeah, BB is going to target the Buffster.[br]
Giles: Here is a man surrounded by youth. Rebellious youth at that. From day one, Buffy has, in a sense, disregarded most of Giles' pontifications about being the slayer. And she's pretty much been right. He's watched the Scoobies grow from awkward teenagers with the weight of the world on their shoulders to (seemingly) self-assured adults with the weight of the world on their shoulders. Of course he is going to wonder if he is carrying his share. In sane moments, he'd shake it away and know he was still needed. But this BB is smart. It goes for the inadequacy. Very smart.[br]
Anya: First glance, nothing bothers this woman. Inner fear? Piffle! She's too shallow to have any inner fears. There is no 'inner' – it's all on the surface. But Anya is over 1100 years old. She's had plenty of time to build up her inner fear, hasn't she? And really, her introduction to the Scoobies was through the Wishverse, wasn't it? Didn't exactly get on Willow's and Buffy's good sides with that, huh? So, her connection has always been through Xander. I'd even venture to say that the only reason the rest of them didn't send Anya to an alternate dimension was because of Xander. Then again, Willow knows Anya pretty well, doesn't she? Again, here's an outsider. Willow understands outsiders. Anya craves love, attention, orgasms. How many years did Willow spend trying to get the same things? She gets Anya – even if she doesn't want to admit it.[br]
Tara: Ah, here is were I really see the BB's desperation. The build-up with Willow, Buffy, Giles and Anya was gradual. But with Tara…BAM! At least, that's how it seemed. Even the "thoughts" were more desperate. They were harsher, more accusatory. It seemed as though the "thoughts" were coming directly from the BB rather than from Tara herself. For me, this was different than with the other 4. Those thoughts/decisions/whatever seemed to come more from each victim than from the BB. I heard their voices when those thoughts were brought forth. But the voice during Tara's attack morphed from Tara's to something more sinister – something decidedly not Tara. [br]
So let's hear it for Willow! She had the right instincts – she saved them all.[br]
But what about Xander, Dawn and Faith? Why wouldn't they be considered "easy" targets? Why were Buffy, Giles and Anya the easy ones? Well, here's my theory. Xander is a "wear your heart on your sleeve" kind of guy. It’s usually pretty clear what he’s thinking or feeling. If the others can’t tell from his facial expressions or body movements, no worries – Xander will let them know what’s going on in his head. Wouldn’t make our BB very stealthy, huh?[br]
Honestly, I’m not overly sure of Dawn. I think she may have some kind of “diplomatic immunity” because of her keyness. “Green ball of energy” was sort of ambiguous. The energy could have gone either way – used for good or evil. Dawn-as-human isn’t that old, so she probably doesn’t have the same amount of “goody-goody” hours under her belt. **shrug** Maybe.[br]
I think Faith is fully aware of her insecurities and deepest fears. I don’t think they scare her, really. Sure, they bother her. But she seems to know that her path toward redemption means facing up to what she’s done and who she became. I don’t think she’ll let it eat away at her though. I could be wrong here.[br]
Actually, I could be wrong about the whole thing. It’s very possible that Buffy, Giles and Anya were decoys. Tara was the real target and BB wanted to keep Willow and the rest of the Scoobies busy while it latched on to Tara. OR Tara was the only target and what was going on with the others was sort of psychosomatic in nature. Or maybe a self-fulfilling prophecy. They didn’t have the utter exhaustion and painful headache that Willow and Tara experienced. So, the “weirdness” that Willow was feeling wasn’t really in the Magic Box – instead she was feeling something off-kilter through her deep connection with Tara. Think about it…BB is pissed because it lost Willow. What better way to get revenge than to take Tara?[br]
And then there is my final theory: Absolutely nothing I’ve written up there is even close to being right. Wouldn’t be the first time…won’t be the last.[br]
Okay, those are my thoughts/theories regarding the Scoobies and the BB. I’m gonna say some stuff about your writing.[br]
As always, your talent astounds me. You really know how to build a scene! The thoughts in part 18 began as sporadic inner commentary and gradually built to a cacophony of mental assaults. On my 4th & 5th times through 18, I tried to mark who I thought might be thinking what. I’ve gotta tell ya – it was hard! I couldn’t tell if any of them were Tara’s thoughts. And now that I think about it, I’m not so sure that anyone’s thoughts were excluded at that point. Really, any person in the house during dinner could have participated in the buffet of inadequate feelings. Masterfully written, Mary.[br]
You expanded the omniscience of your narrator in part 18 to include others besides Willow. But it’s still clear that Willow is the main protagonist – the narrator spends the most time on her shoulder. Nice. Smoothly written. That perspective shifts when you get to 19. For obvious reasons (i.e., Willow isn’t present), the readers need to experience the scene from Tara’s p.o.v. The last section of the update is probably the most objective perspective in the entire story. And it needed to be. Well done.[br]
Now some quick moments that really stood out for me….[br]

Moments later, Kyra was asleep in her crib, thumb poised just beyond her mouth, ready to spring into action if called upon.

A true Scooby! Always at the ready!

”I’m sorry,” she said again, her voice muffled against Willow’s heart.

There is just something beautiful about that sentence.

"We should hit the streets," Faith said, looking at her chunky watch on the thick black leather band.

"You're right," Buffy nodded, glancing at her own slender time-piece on a thin strap of gold links. "Almost time for the undead to start getting their jollies. We don't wanna miss the fun."

I love the contrast here. It’s beautiful in its subtlety. You don’t smack us upside the head with lengthy descriptions of their appearance. You give us these little nuggets that tell so much.

("If this kid can't distinguish metaphor from allegory by the time I'm done with him, I'll turn in my 8th-grade spelling bee trophy," Tara said grimly as she pulled on her boots.)

Hand over the trophy, Tara. Heaven knows I don’t know the difference.

Willow wondered dimly if she had invoked some kind of magical assistance without knowing it. And then it came to her: she knew these people. When she realized they were affected, she knew what shape it would take, what dirges would play in their minds.

Ha! One of my theories supported! Okay, maybe not…but still…

"Now, we were discussing narrative perspectives. As Gaye Nau Carr talks about in her text, the primary—“

WOOT! Go me! I have a text!

Wonderful stuff, Mary. I just can't get enough of your writing. Here is a quote from a Yahoo message from me to watson when I finished reading your update....

"*sigh* I think I'm in love."

Of course, watty teases me endlessly now. I'm glad I'm able to amuse her.

Looking forward to the next update.

Carleen

[Willow~Rosenberg]

Hi. Classes are heading full speed ahead with the work. Every professor has the most brilliant idea- let's give WR 4+ hours of homework. *sigh* The classes are okay. I absolutely love my design class. We have work, but it's enjoyable to do. You don't feel like you spend as much time at it if it's enjoyable. Anyway, onto the update....

I had a feeling Tara was going to be attacked. However, I was very pleasantly surprised by Willow's preparedness for this occasion. Now that I think about it, I really shouldn't have been surprized because Willow is usually over-prepared for things.

Willow is definitely outsmarting the BB. It seriously screwed up when it came after her. Now that she knows its modus operandi (SP?), she is probably one of the most capable people in helping other people deal since she knows them so well. The attack on Tara, as others have pointed out, is definitely a sign of desparation on it's part. The thoughts were not as easily woven in to Tara's thoughts as Willow's were. The BB underestimated Willow's support system as well as the support and insight that she has on the others. It thought that the only way to get by her knowledge of it was to attack multiple people at the same time, not considering that she would be able to sense and help stop its attack. It seems as though Willow's the "Big Gun" once again for the Scooby Gang.

Tara showed so much strength in this update despite the urging to commit suicide. The fact that she argued with it shows that she has strong beliefs, although not unshakable.

I look forward to your next update and seeing how you write Willow's and Tara's reconnection post-traumatic situation. Also, the promised exposition sounds enlightening.