(AU): Written In The Stars - 'Does age matter?'

[r0ckin_penguin1o18]

AAHHHH!!! awesome cliffhanger... great...superb...excellent! you are great!!! god...wonderful...i hope something good happens for willow and tara in the next part...and i hope weasley goes away, i don't like him in this piece but overall EVERYTHING WAS AWESOME!!!!

[JustSkipIt]

Wow,
I've never seen a triple post.

Poor girls. Both are hurting so badly. It would seem to me that at this point Tara realizes that she's attracted to Willow. Otherwise, why would she be so worried and why would she feel pain about Willow & Buffy hugging. Now I'm hoping Willow doesn't do anything really stupid.

[LesbianJedi87]

QUIT DOING THAT! grr woman!
Im glad you like my feedback lol I try and make it interesting intstead of just like "hey good fic, bye" haha those are boring, and me Im not boring, hence the no boring feedbackness!!

Annnd to the update....
Ok I lied, Im not that mad about THIS cliffhanger, we all know Willow looooves Tara and that Buffy loves WIllow (I think!) BUT I KNOW Willow's gonna run to Tara telling her "Oh Taras she's just a friend" and they are gonna kiss and makeup! Hopefully witht ALOT of kissing! Please? Cause Im deprived...waaaay deprived of the cute Willow and Tara kissing! Not that they've kissed yet...BUT THEY SHOULD! Like soon!

Wesley needs to leave....now...NOW!!! grrr Stupid english people! They always mess things up! I speak from experience!

Annnd Im done! UPDATE SOOOON!

[Krokador]

Is... is Wesley thinking about becoming an associate with Anya and Tara? Cuz if thats what your planning... I just can't imagine... make the damn Wesley go away, or pair him up with Buffy. Yeah, throw Buffy into Wes' arms and make them go happy Texas Rodeo couple...

But please, stop hurting Willow like that

Hope to hear for you again.

don't you worry when i land somewhere I'm there to stay And I really love your fic so I'll be bugging around every single update I'll manage to catch.

[The Rose24]

This is a painful update to read. Now, they both are feeling insecure. Please tell me they will fix things soon.

[AlysonGoddess]

Aww YAY ur right I do love it!! haha! Wonderful update!! *sigh* and i have to wait yet again.. but ill deal i can suffer threw the torment of waiting haha wow ok im being to dramatic but I just wanted to say that this story rocks and please update soon!!

ERIN

[eirnlove]

goddamn cliffhangers...


great update!!

[cohen101]

Great update!

More soon please.


Julia.

[ambersagoddess]

I'm a terrible person for just finding this fic. I've read it in one sitting and I'm here to beg you for more.

More!

-Rei

[Kaia]

Umm...the angst...
I'm a sucker for it, I admit it...but would it be too much if I asked for some kind of relief in the form of an update?? I mean, it's been almost a month hasn't it?
I read your other story ("Real Love") and I know that you're gonna keep us reading for a long time. I just wanted to say I'm really diggin' your story and that I'd love it if you could update soon.
Thanks! Keep up the good work.

K.

[ambercissism]

Hi Everybody! First, I wanna apologize for the delay of the updates from my stories (just had a writer’s block lately). But I’m back on track now (hopefully), so I’ll be posting an update soon. I’ve already e-mailed the update for final betaing and would probably receive it the latest tomorrow. For the meantime, let me reply first to your individual feedbacks.


r0ckin_penguin1o18: Hiya! I could see that you liked the last update very much.

you are great!!!

Awww, thanks.

i hope something good happens for willow and tara in the next part...

Well, I know you’re expecting something nice afterwards. So, I’m gonna say sorry now.
About Wesley, ummmm you’ll find out soon. I can’t promise that he’ll be gone on the next update.


JustSkipIt : Another feedback from you!!! YAY!!!! I’m so happy whenever I find your name on the reply thread.

Wow,
I've never seen a triple post.

You’ve caught me right on time when I’m posting it. I always mess up whenever I post. It’s a good thing our lovely moderators are always kind enough to fix my mess.

It would seem to me that at this point Tara realizes that she's attracted to Willow. Otherwise, why would she be so worried and why would she feel pain about Willow & Buffy hugging

You’re absolutely right about that! But Tara is still in state of denial. With regards to Willow, I can’t promise that she won’t do anything stupid.


LesbianJedi87:

Haha! You’re definitely not boring! I could see that!

we all know Willow looooves Tara and that Buffy loves WIllow (I think!) BUT I KNOW Willow's gonna run to Tara telling her "Oh Taras she's just a friend" and they are gonna kiss and makeup! Hopefully witht ALOT of kissing! Please? Cause Im deprived...waaaay deprived of the cute Willow and Tara kissing! Not that they've kissed yet...BUT THEY SHOULD! Like soon!

I know you want them to kiss and make up now, well… That time will come. But I can’t tell when.

Ok, you’re the second person (I think) that wants Wesley to go away too. Wesley is definitely going away. But not so soon.


Krokador :

don't you worry when i land somewhere I'm there to stay And I really love your fic so I'll be bugging around every single update I'll manage to catch.

Thanks! I’m so glad to hear from you again.

Is... is Wesley thinking about becoming an associate with Anya and Tara? Cuz if thats what your planning... I just can't imagine..

I’m not denying nor confirming anything about Wes planning about becoming an associate with Anya and Tara. Don’t worry you’ll find out later on. Oh! And Wesley is definitely not going to be paired with Buffy, that I can assure you.


The Rose24: Hi! I’m so glad to hear from you again.

Yeah, I know, it’s a “painful update to read”. I’m not promising a “non-painful update” for the next chapter so, I apologize in advance.



AlysonGoddess: ERIN! I am so happy to hear that you’re hyper and excited again! I hope I didn’t make you suffer too long while waiting for an update. I really am sorry. I just got a stupid writer’s block lately. I’m so frustrated too that I can’t write. Hopefully it won’t happen again. Coz I don’t wanna torment you anymore.


eirnlove: Glad you like the cliffhangers. I bet you’ll gonna like the cliffhangers on the next update, even more. Thanks for dropping by and leaving a feedback.


I_love_Danish : Heya! You know what? I always smile whenever I see your name in the reply thread. Your reply always fulfills my day.

yep, it's lovely to see an update.

Thanks! And It’s lovely to hear from you again.

Now we don't only have one misunderstanding, no we have two. Oh my. Poor girls, I can't wait to see this whole chaos fixed.

Misunderstanding and chaos, you’ll definitely gonna see a lot of these in my stories. My other beta use to call me “Twisted”, coz of the unexpected events that occurs in my stories (esp. in my first WT story).

I know that it had been so long since your holiday in Italy, but I’m glad to hear that it was good and you liked it. So, when in Italy did you actually go?

You take care too.


Cohen101: Hi! Thanks Julia! I’m happy to know that you liked the update. Sorry if it took me so long to have another one. But hopefully, I could update as frequent as possible. And yes, there’s gonna be more.


ambersagoddess: Hey Rei! I’m so glad that you found my fic. It’s always good to know that another kitten likes my story.

I'm a terrible person for just finding this fic.

No, you’re not a terrible person, and thanks for finding some time to read it.


Kaia: Hey there! Just wanna thank you first for the nice feedback.

Umm...the angst...
I'm a sucker for it, I admit it...but would it be too much if I asked for some kind of relief in the form of an update?? I mean, it's been almost a month hasn't it?

I know it took me so long to update, and I deeply apologize for that. Blame it on my writer’s block. I’m quite frustrated also when I was trying to write, but nothing seemed to come out of my mind. It’s a good thing a friend of mine gave me a cd, a certain song put me in the mood, and the next thing I knew I was writing (again).

I read your other story ("Real Love") and I know that you're gonna keep us reading for a long time.

It really feels great when I find out that someone from the Kitten Board had read REAL LOVE! Well, that’s my first attempt in fanfiction and writing too, so it’s not that grammatically “OK”. But I’m glad you read it. I hope you liked REAL LOVE too.

Thanks! Keep up the good work

You’re welcome. I’ll try my best.

[AlysonGoddess]

Haha yay!! so does that mean update soon???

xx Peace Out xx

Erin

[FineyMcFine]

Just found this fic and it is so sweet and a great read! I read it through from beginning to end (so far) and wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed it. I had trepadition at first when reading it because an eight year old Willow and a 17 year old Tara...I just didn't quite know how that would work. But you handled it and set it up beautifully. Heh - makes me remember all the crushes I had on my babysitters and teachers back when I was a kid.

I'm wondering about their age difference even now - 17 year old Willow and 26 year old Tara, presumably? I remember what I was like when I was 17, and how different I was at 26 (and now at 31...). I'm wondering how they'd relate to each other - Tara's had a lot more life experience, while Willow is just about to leave high school and presumably figure out a lot more about herself in college.

She already has the gay thing down pat, so to speak, but more in terms of maturity, is what I'm saying, I guess. She does seem very much still like a kid in many ways. Not that I think age differences are insurmountable - my wife and I have a 5 year age gap, and we met when she was 22 and I was 27. Anyway, I have full confidence in your ability as a writer to make it believeable and not, what's the word, forced or out of bounds.

And I just must add: Wesley and Tara? Hahahahaha! Looks like he's going to stick around Sunnydale and try to make trouble - not intentionally, of course, but anyway. GRRR! ARGH!

[cosmic dancer]

I'm sooooo sorry for the delay in reviewing your work. Please forgive!

Anyhow, this chapter is packed full of emotions! I love it!

I can sypathise with Willow not wanting to go into school, I don't think anyone would after a shock like that. It's good to see that Tara wanted to try & fix stuff with Willow as soon as she could, but then ... she seems reads all the wrong stuff into Buffy comforting Willow.

I'm hoping that on thinking it through, she will work out what is actually happening & go up to speak to Willow.

I will try & read yout next update rather sooner.

~ Sez

[ambercissism]

Title: WRITTEN IN THE STARS

Author: ambercissism

Disclaimer: Tara and Willow, and so are the other characters from BTVS are not mine, they belonged to Joss W. and ME, I’m just borrowing them. However, I do own this story and some characters that did not appear in BTVS. I’m not gaining any money from this, just here to provide some Willow-Tara goodness.

Author’s Note: I have been lurking for months now and decided to delurke coz I’d like to share this. This is my first story on Kitten Board, and I hope I could in any way please the Kittens with this fic. It’s totally AU and Romance. Just tell me if this sucks… A big thanks to my talented beta-readers, Rain and Trom DeGrey. Thoughts are in Italics.

Feedbacks: Yes, please. Constructive criticisms are welcome too. I’d be happy to know what are my mistakes and weaknesses in writing.

Rating: It’s PG for the first chapter. But it’ll go on to an R. Don’t worry I’m going to give a warning. There's gonna be angst on the later chapters.

Summary: Young Willow Rosenberg had her first crush and tried declaring her love to a beautiful but older girl. Unfortunately, her love was never accepted. A crush developed into an obsession, and now, as an adult, she was given another chance to profess her undying love to the same person… This time, will she succeed?

Warning: Angst


Chapter 10 [center] Bewildered[/center]


Before Willow and Buffy parted from the embrace, before she could be caught in an embarrassing situation and not willing to endure the pain piercing through her heart, Tara turned around and walked away. She headed back to the street leading to her house without thinking of anything except to get out of there as fast as she could.

“What the fuck was I doing here?!” she began blaming herself, as anger and disappointment soared inside her body. A tear fell from her eye and she wiped it away with her hand.

“I don’t need to explain anything to her!” she exclaimed. Tara hated herself for going there at all. If she hadn’t gone over there, she wouldn’t have seen Willow embracing a girl. And she wouldn’t be in this state of insecurity and rage.

Too busy feeling sorry for herself, Tara did not even notice when it started to drizzle, until it poured heavily. She was totally drenched by the time she reached her house.

*******************************************

Meanwhile at the Rosenberg residence, Willow was sitting silently with Buffy in the living room. She felt a bit pacified now after that consoling embrace from Buffy. Her best friend really knew how to calm her, she thought.

“What happened?” Buffy asked, full of concern.

“Could… could we just talk about this tomorrow?” Willow said, hoping that she could come up with a different reason.

“Sure. Why don’t you get some rest now?” Buffy suggested. “I could drop by here tomorrow and give you some notes if you still don’t wanna come to school tomorrow.”

“Thanks Buffy,” Willow returned. “I’m glad you came.”

“I’ll always be here for you Will,” Buffy assured. “Now, go wash up and get some sleep.”


*******************************************

Soaked from the pounding rain, Tara carelessly entered her house and her eyes immediately caught the two figures sitting on the sofa in the living room. Knowing that she had arrived, she saw Wesley stand up and Anya took a few steps towards her. But Tara was furious and not in the mood to talk to anyone.

“Don’t you even dare!” Tara warned when she saw that an impatient Anya was about to open her mouth and ask a question. She did not bother acknowledging Wesley’s presence in the room, but instead stomped her way upstairs, leaving the two in disbelief over her sudden outburst of temper.

Upon entering her room, Tara slammed the door hard and threw herself on the bed, burying her face in the pillows, then she turned over onto her back.

“I hate this!” she thought, staring at the ceiling of her room. Something inside her went wild every time she saw Willow. “What the fuck is happening to me?!” she wondered. “Bewildered!” was the exact word to describe what was happening to her now, she suddenly thought. “Why did I have to move back here!?”

“Why? Why?” she grumbled and put the pillow on her face to muffle the sound of her shout. “Ahhhhh!” . “This isn’t right! This isn’t happening!” she continued to deny to herself, as thoughts of Willow played in her mind again.

Tara tried to calm herself, rose from the bed and started pacing to and fro in the room. She still had her wet clothes on and didn’t bother to get out of them. She wondered why she was devastated by the sight of Willow in another girl’s arms. Why was she affected at all? And worst of all, she realized that she had just come home sobbing a few minutes ago! One thing Tara didn’t like was someone causing her to cry. She hated crying!

There were so many painful instances in her life and whenever she was having problems of the heart Tara always kept herself from crying. “Nobody can ever make me cry!”. She believed that crying was a ‘pathetic’ and ‘passive’ thing to do for a lover. She would not give her lovers, or exes the benefit of seeing her cry and their egos getting a boost. That was not her. She believed that crying was like exposing her vulnerability in full spectrum for everyone who was so undeserving to witness. It would take a lot of trust and love for a person to see that side of her. She hated being weak. Even though she knew crying was purifying, she couldn’t stand the idea of baring herself completely. But one person was able to break through the walls she skillfully constructed, and it just drove Tara insane!

“This isn’t supposed to happen. Damn it! I shouldn’t have agreed!” She continued to mentally beat herself up, as she recalled the time she was deciding if she would leave her life in Canada or not. “I shouldn’t have…. Ahhhhhh!” This time, she did not notice that she had shouted loudly and not a minute had passed when she heard a knock on her door, followed by Anya’s voice asking if everything was all right. “Go away!” Tara shouted back and with that, she heard footsteps moving towards the stairs.

She resumed her pacing. Her mind was in terrible turmoil. Who did she really have to blame for putting her in this difficult situation? Could she blame her mother for asking her to run the Magic Box or Matt for introducing her to his sister? Or Willow? Yes! Willow! But was it Willow’s fault for growing up and becoming so hot and cute?

*******************************************

Willow was devastated about what she had seen and was now contemplating her situation. She had been waiting for her love to come and she thought that fate had been good to her when Tara came back to Sunnydale. Willow had always been looking for the “signs”. She believed in destiny; that there was one person out there that was just for her. However, after seeing the man at Tara’s house, she thought that it was a sign that she needed to move on with her life. Perhaps she was looking for the wrong person. Perhaps the person that was really meant for her was just near her and she was just too blinded by her obsession to be with Tara. She had enough of deluding, she thought.

It was time to wake up from her fantasy and face reality. The waiting was over and she was tired of nurturing the love she had for Tara. The love that was not recognized and might not ever happen at all!

The things that Willow had undergone just to prove her love for Tara had all come to nothing. Wasted. Ignored. She hated herself for all the insanity that she had gone through.

That night, before going to sleep, Willow gazed from the window of her room and saw that it was dark and raining hard outside. The stars had let her down, she thought. Slowly, she put her right hand on the glass and felt the chill of the rain splattering on the windowpanes. She stared at the dark sky. Willow felt a poignant sense of loss, as the flame that had been burning in her heart lost its fire.


*************************************************************

The night was deep and the deadening silence in her room was making her crazy. Tara tossed sleeplessly in the cold and empty space of her bed. Once again, she glanced at the little alarm clock that was at the side of her bed. 4:30, it said. Tired of aimlessly trying to fall asleep, Tara got up and sat Indian-style in the bay window of her room. She stared absently outside and realized that the rain had stopped.

Willow was in her mind constantly. Tara was thinking and daydreaming about Willow all the time. No matter what she did she couldn’t help thinking about Willow. It was tearing her apart. She couldn’t sleep and she was hurt remembering Willow in a cozy embrace with someone else. Why was she feeling this pain?! No matter how hard Tara tried denying it, it was still there making her disoriented! She felt the truth in her heart, but she kept on ignoring it

“Could this be wrong?” Tara wondered. She raised her legs and brought them near her chest, wraping her arms around them in an embrace.

“If you only knew what I’m goin’ through,” she mumbled and sighed while staring at the darkness of the night and then rested her head on her knees.

*****************************************

Willow woke up early, took a bath and headed to school with a different attitude. She had promised herself that today was the beginning of her new life. There would be no thinking of Tara anymore she reminded herself as she entered her classroom. Her gaze caught Buffy right away and saw that her best friend was already sitting in their usual spot.

“Good morning!” she greeted blissfully at a confused looking Buffy and took the seat beside her.

“Good. Morning?” was Buffy’s puzzled remark.

Willow caught the peculiar look on Buffy’s face as her best friend’s gaze continued to wander over her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What’s with the cheery alright-y mood?” Buffy queried, her browse furrowed in confusion. “Just yesterday you looked so devastated and now you’re all with the gayness?!”

“Well, let’s just say I’ve awoken from my dreams!” she remarked, maintaining her cool and cheerful mood. “Are you doing something after class?”

“Ummm…” Buffy uttered and glanced at the other side of the row and then looked at Willow again. “No.”

“Cool!” Willow exclaimed and smiled back at her best friend. “I’m taking you out for dinner. There is this great new diner, so I thought we would go and try that out.”

“Ummm… sure,” Buffy agreed.

*****************************************

“Hey, do you wanna tell me what happened yesterday?” Buffy had asked as soon as they arrived and sat at a table of a diner that was near Sunnydale High.

Willow just shrugged and opened the pages of the menu. “I… I just had a fight with my mom.” Was her excuse.

“About what?”

She heard Buffy’s question. Knowing her best friend, Buffy wouldn’t leave her alone on this until she had explained everything to her. “I… I told her… I told her I wanna work. But she refused and told me that I’ll just ruin my studies while working.”

“I think she’s right Will,” Buffy replied.

Sensing that she had already convinced Buffy of believing that she had a fight with her mom, Willow closed the menu and sat it aside, deciding to change the topic.

“Do you remember the time when I got my tattoo?” Willow asked hopefully

“Uh huh,” Buffy nodded in reply.

Willow saw the cautious look on Buffy’s face. She knew that it was the most awkward situation that had ever happened between them as the awful scene replayed in her mind.


[blockquote]“After all these years, you still don’t have a clue?!” Buffy retaliated. “You’re really insensitive, Will!”

“Can you just cut to the chase!” Willow demanded.

“Can’t you see?! I’m in... Oooh!... Forget it!" Buffy reacted in frustration. "You don’t even have the slightest idea! Coz you’re too obsessed with someone who was just a delusion!” she declared vehemently, disappointed by her best friend’s insensitivity.

Buffy was about to leave, but Willow seized her small arm before she could get any further.

“Wait!” Willow said and saw Buffy calm down a bit, but anger still marred her friend’s face. “I... I think... you’re...” Willow mumbled and slowly went closer and leaned over and kissed Buffy on the cheek. “I love you Buffy, but not in the way that you want.”

The painful look on Buffy’s face was enough for Willow to tell that she had hurt her best friend badly.

“I’m really sorry Buff,” Willow apologized sincerely. “My heart still belongs to Tara and… I don’t wanna ruin our friendship.”

Instead of replying, Buffy stormed out of the room. Willow felt that she was going to fall apart, but she thought that she needed to be strong and firm about this or else she would have given Buffy more hope and false impression. She did not want her to expect that there was a chance for them to be more than friends. She knew that it was better to tell Buffy now than let her feelings develop more.

Telling to her best friend the truth was not easy for both of them. For a week, Buffy did not speak to her, until school ended and Buffy left for New York to spend summer vacation with her father.[/blockquote]


“You know , I was afraid that you wouldn’t talk to me anymore,” Willow admitted with some guilt in her voice.

Buffy smiled and reached for Willow’s hand, giving it a soft reassuring squeeze.

“How could you think I’m not going to talk to you anymore, you’re my best friend!” Buffy declared. “And besides, you’re just too irresistible to ignore.”

Willow flushed a bit at the compliment and returned the smile. “Well, I’m glad to know that you still find me irresistible.”

“But of course you still are!” Buffy assured her. “Who wouldn’t fall for Willow Rosenberg!?”

The cheerful voice of her best friend made Willow even more determined and hopeful to forget about Tara.

“I really am so sorry for what happened,” she apologized once again. “I didn’t realize how I’d been so stupid and numb about how you feel.”

“Will, I’ve already forgave you, remember?” Buffy returned without the slightest idea of what Willow might be implying now.

“But I hurt you,” Willow worried, gazing at her best friend who seemed to not be taking her apologies seriously.

“Past is past. So, let’s just forget about it!” was Buffy’s bright and carefree reassurance. She started flipping the pages of the menu. “I’m starving. What are you havin’?”

“I wanna have you,” Willow proclaimed seriously, looking Buffy straight in the eyes.



TBC

[LesbianJedi87]

EXCUSE ME! WHAT?!!!!
Ahhhh AGAIN WITH THE CLIFFHANGERS! You are an evil evil evil person! "pulls hair out" I wait and wait for an update and all I get is is a cliffhanger?!! BAH!!!

"calms down" wooo hey! lol YAY an update! Cliffhanger evilness aside, I loved it! Tara with the overflow of emotions, and say hello to the anger she has! whoa!!! And Willow getting over Tara and telling Buffy she want's HER?! EW! NO! Fix it fix it fix it! "pitches up a tent and waits for next update"

[SplbaBlouw85]

I liked it... job well done

[FineyMcFine]

Oy, the angst! Wow. I guess that's one way to figure out what your feelings really are, is to see the object of your affection in the arms of another. What a rude slap in the face, though, for Tara, though unintentional (and unbeknownst to Willow, for that matter).

Now, Willow is deciding that because she's wrongly assuming that Tara is sleeping with Wesley that she's going to get with Buffy! What a tangled web. How wlil this get resolved? I hope that neither girl does anything rash. Or rasher than they've already done.

Really liked this update!

[JustSkipIt]

It seems that the tables are a little turned in this udpate. Tara's in terrible pain (although I'm not 100% clear on just why) and Willow's all happy-move-on girl.

Of course Willow's being ridiculous and honestly, I feel sorry for Buffy. I hope she hasn't been waiting around all these years for Willow to clue in and that she tells her to bug-off. I'd hate to be the 2nd fiddle to a woman Willow can never have.

Hoping to have some resolution soon.

BTW: Your writing was splendid in this update. I believe you have really settled on a very clear and effective narrative voice. Well done.

[cosmic dancer]

Wow! I didn't see that coming!!

“I wanna have you,” Willow proclaimed seriously, looking Buffy straight in the eyes.

Problem is, my feeling is that it can't possibly end well. I can't believe that WIllow really has switched off her feelings for Tara so fast. I hope Buffy doesn't take her up on her offer, as it will really hurt her when (it is when right?) Willow leaves her for Tara.

That night, before going to sleep, Willow gazed from the window of her room and saw that it was dark and raining hard outside. The stars had let her down, she thought. *snips* Willow felt a poignant sense of loss, as the flame that had been burning in her heart lost its fire.

I know she felt the 'fire' she had for Tara dying, but I look forward to seeing how she reacts when she next sees Tara, as she certianly will at some point. Her feelings will almost certinaly confuse her then.

Of course poor Tara is only now starting to realise how she feels for Willow:

Willow was in her mind constantly. Tara was thinking and daydreaming about the Willow all the time. No matter what she did she couldn’t help thinking about Willow. It was tearing her apart. She couldn’t sleep and she was hurt remembering Willow in a cozy embrace with someone else. Why was she feeling this pain?! No matter how hard Tara tried denying it, it was still there making her disoriented! She felt the truth in her heart, but she kept on ignoring it

She'll probably try & ignore it even more if she see's Willow & Buffy together and her fears are confirmed. Poor Tara.

More angsty goodness soon?

~ Sez

[AlysonGoddess]

Hahah Nice update.. but willow cant seriously like buffy come on!!!! We all know shes destined to be with Tara so get on with it...Haha sry im impatient as we all know.. but i do like the angstyness. Well Great update ill be looking forward to more!!

xx peace xx

Erin

[Keops.]

Great update! i love the way Tara is in denial but still can't stop thinkig about Willow. And i can't believe that the Willow you set up for this fic is ever hotter than the Will we usually see. Thank you for the fic xxx

Keops..

[ambersagoddess]

I've recently become facinated by why, when people have so much of their own drama, they insist on watching and reading other peoples' drama.

My mom still won't tell me why she watches Laguna Beach, and I still don't understand why I love angst.

But alas, I do.

And this fic is awesome. And angsty...and did I mention awesome?

Right, well. Please keep up the good work, I'm off to the gym in the morning to play some damn basketball.

-Rei

[tarawillowfan562]

nice update loving this story plzzzzzzzzz more soon

[ambercissism]

Hiya all! Sorry to disappoint you, but this is a reply to the feedbacks, not an update. I know you’re all waiting for the next chapter. I’m already finished with it, but I’m still waiting for my beta readers’ e-mail. Coz they’ve been busy lately and I just gotta ask them first if they have time to beta, before I send them the update. Hope you’d still all bear with me. I’ve been meaning to update this fic as often as possible. But I just caught up writing some chapters for my other (neglected) story. Forgive me? I’ll make sure that I leave a note at the update thread when I post the next chapter, so that it’ll be easier for you to know if I’ve already post it.

I was just wondering if there’s any kitten out there who could tell me when was Willow’s birthday? I know that Tara’s birthday was in October (although some of you may claim that it’s in November). But I guess Tara was more of a Libra than a Scorpio… But how about Willow? I’d really appreciate any info. Thanks!





AlysonGoddess: Hi ERIN! Still impatient, eh?! But I do like it when you’re all so “demanding”, but in a cute way.

I’m so happy to know that you’re so all giddy (again) with the last update!

Haha sry im impatient as we all know.. but i do like the angstyness. Well Great update ill be looking forward to more!!

Thanks, I’m glad you like the angsty goodness. Well, I hope you won’t hate me for making you wait for the update.


SallyMcFine : I’m so glad that you enjoyed reading it. Well, this goes to your two wonderful replies…

I had trepadition at first when reading it because an eight year old Willow and a 17 year old Tara...I just didn't quite know how that would work.

Thank you so much for taking a chance to read my humble story. It means a lot to me.

Heh - makes me remember all the crushes I had on my babysitters and teachers back when I was a kid.

Well, it makes me happy to know that this story reminds you (and some readers too) of those childhood crushes!

I'm wondering about their age difference even now - 17 year old Willow and 26 year old Tara, presumably?

Yup, that’s right. Nine years difference.

She already has the gay thing down pat, so to speak, but more in terms of maturity, is what I'm saying, I guess. She does seem very much still like a kid in many ways. Not that I think age differences are insurmountable -

As what you’ve mentioned, Willow is still like a kid in many ways and Tara, well she always had been the matured one, and I guess it’ll be more challenging for Tara to have a girlfriend who’s much younger.

my wife and I have a 5 year age gap, and we met when she was 22 and I was 27.

Oh! That’s really quite interesting. I’m always fascinated by how people could build a wonderful relationship, despite the big age gap.

And I just must add: Wesley and Tara? Hahahahaha!

Yeah, it’s really weird. Call me insane, but I’m just frustrated that Aly is married to Alexis. (I think I’m obsessing too much. But how I wish that Amber and Aly could really become a real couple). And to appease my frustration, I’d come out with Tara-Wesley-Willow love triangle(?) and… Ooohhh, spoilers I better shut up now.

I guess that's one way to figure out what your feelings really are, is to see the object of your affection in the arms of another.

Exactly! We don’t know how precious someone was, until it was in somebody’s arms.

Willow is deciding that because she's wrongly assuming that Tara is sleeping with Wesley that she's going to get with Buffy!

Well, being young and impulsive, I guess that’s what Willow thought.



cosmic dancer: I’m so happy that you’re back Sez!

I'm sooooo sorry for the delay in reviewing your work. Please forgive!

Okay, since you’ve managed to leave two replies, you’re already forgiven! Naaah, you don’t need to say sorry, I know you’re so busy nowadays. But I appreciated that you dropped by to let me know you’re still around. Thanks!

I can't believe that WIllow really has switched off her feelings for Tara so fast. I hope Buffy doesn't take her up on her offer, as it will really hurt her when (it is when right?) Willow leaves her for Tara.

You’re absolutely right, Buffy would be painfully hurt if ever Willow realized that her heart was just meant for one special person… Well, love hurts.

More angsty goodness soon?

That I could guarantee you. I’d be posting the next update as soon as I get “a go signal” (an e-mail) from my 2 beta readers. Well, they’re both busy nowadays, and I hesitated e-mailing to them right away with the update. So I’ve asked them first if I could disturb them (in the form of betaing).



LesbianJedi87: Thanks Rose! Haha! That was just one “hyper” feedback you got there (again)! Haha! You’re probably hating me now, for making you wait, for the cliffhanger and for the sudden twist of event (or should I say, twist of partner?). But I hope you’d still “pitches up a tent and waits for next update.”

Tara with the overflow of emotions, and say hello to the anger she has! whoa!!!

I liked that you noticed Tara’s anger. You’re so good at “reading” emotions.



SplbaBlouw85: Thank you so much. Glad to see a new name on the thread. I really appreciate every reply that I received. Hope to know again what you think.


JustSkipIt: Hi Debra! I think I’m blessed again to receive a reply from you.

Tara's in terrible pain (although I'm not 100% clear on just why) and Willow's all happy-move-on girl.

My fault. I know that I should have explained that more clearly. Trom actually noticed that too, but I was quite tired when we’re in “between betaing”, and I decided not to elaborate on that part anymore.

BTW: Your writing was splendid in this update. I believe you have really settled on a very clear and effective narrative voice. Well done.

Oh! Thank you so much. I’m so happy to receive this kind of compliment from you. Having English as my second language, and with another foreign language that I’m using in my everyday life (aside from my native tongue) that I have to maintain in my head, I really can’t stop worrying, if my writing was good at all and understandable. Sometimes it’s really hard to come up with the right dialogue. But I would never give up writing, even if it drives me insane. Coz I just discovered that I loved it (writing), coz of WT…

I’m so grateful that there are great writers like you, who always takes time to give advice through their feedbacks.



I_love_Danish: Hiya! Good morning to you too ( I just hope it’s morning when you read this). I hope you’re feeling better now and no more “throat-y acheness”. But I guess it’s the season of sore throat again as the weather becomes colder now.

Thanks for the nice words, though you made my face go red for a moment.

Ooopppsi, Sorry. I hope I didn’t made you blushed again.

I'm already feeling sorry for Buffy, cause this whole newly found attraction towards her is surely not 100% honest and that just sucks.
I hope Willow knows what she is doing here.

Well, love can make you do a lot of crazy stuffs. Like any other teenager, Willow can sometimes be selfish and immature when it comes to love. She hadn’t had a single true relationship, and she might thought that, since she’s comfortable and confident about Buffy, so why not choose her best friend?! I know it’s bad. But it happens.

Thanks for your concern btw, I thought I was doing better but im feeling something between and lol

You’re very welcome. I just hope you won’t feel like those anymore… Rimin? I haven’t heard of that yet, but I think Italy was really a beautiful place. I was really hoping that I could go this summer to Venice, I love romantic places. *sigh*

You take care too!



Keops: Hiya! Whenever I see a new name on a reply thread I always feel happy and giddy! Thanks for leaving a reply and for liking it.

And i can't believe that the Willow you set up for this fic is ever hotter than the Will we usually see.

My Willow (in this fic) is hotter? Oh, thanks again! It’s nice to know that someone likes it! At the beginning I was hesitant that the readers might not accept my Willow in this fic. But I’m so glad that you guys accepted and liked it.

Thank you for the fic

Glad I could please some of you with this fic.


ambersagoddess: Heya Rei! Thanks again for dropping by and taking some time to left a feedback. I hope you’re still liking the story, might be coz Willow is in to basketball here?




tarawillowfan562: Oh! Another new feedback. I’m so happy that you took time to leave a reply. I really appreciate it.

Thanks! I’m glad you’re loving it.

[tarebear]

bummer! not an update! i hope you hear from your betas soon! this is really a fantastic story and i've been wanting to find out what buffy's reaction to willow's "i wanna have you," statement and tara's continuing denial of her attraction to willow.... i have a feeling it's gonna even be more angsty! i bet i'm right, too!

I’ve been meaning to update this fic as often as possible. But I just caught up writing some chapters for my other (neglected) story. Forgive me?

reading that? of course!

i hope you post soon!

[ambercissism]

Tarebear, you can stop crying now. I'll be posting the update in a few minutes. Thanks for leaving a feedback here too. Yup, definitely gonna be more angsty.

[ambercissism]

Chapter 11 [center]Confused Hearts[/center]



“Past is past. So, let’s just forget about it!” was Buffy’s bright and carefree reassurance and then started flipping the pages of the menu. “I’m starving. What are you havin’?”

“I wanna have you,” Willow proclaimed seriously, looking Buffy straight in the eyes.

***

For a moment, time ceased to exist as Willow’s very eager green orbs met a pair of shocked hazel eyes. A searing silence crept between the two of them and Willow’s heart began to pound in anticipation.

“Why isn’t she speaking?” Willow thought worriedly and furrowed her brows. Her anxious eyes tried to fathom Buffy’s expression.

As the moment dragged, she waited for her best friend’s expected response. Willow’s shoulders tensed up as Buffy unknowingly tortured her by not responding quickly enough.

Willow shifted a bit on her seat and began to feel apprehensive, as the expected affirmation from her best friend remained undeclared. Buffy looked too dumbfounded to reply. Willow began to doubt if she was doing the right thing. However, her heart was hurting and there was nothing better to soothe it than to seek refuge and comfort in the arms of her best friend.


Willow was confident that Buffy’s heart was just for her. She decided to break the deadening silence and reached out for Buffy’s hand that was still gripping the menu and held it gently.


“Buff... I never thought that I could... fall for you,” Willow struggled between words. She then swallowed and cleared her throat and declared, “No one had ever loved me as much as you do. And if there’s anybody I’d like to be with, it is with you. I... I’d really like to give us a try.”

***

Still in a state of shock, Buffy couldn’t bring herself to speak and tried to grasp with what Willow had just told her. “Oh. My. God. Did she just...” Buffy became disoriented.

“I wanna have you.” Buffy replayed Willow’s sweet words in her mind. There was no word that could describe what she was feeling. She remained still and tried to savor this unexpected moment. Buffy had waited so long for this to come! She had yearned for Willow to utter those precious words! And she was so happy to finally hear them!

However, the overwhelming sensation of knowing that Willow wanted her vanished as thoughts of a certain someone snapped Buffy from her reverie. What was she supposed to do now? Here was the person that she had been quietly loving and wanting. And now that Willow had declared her love to her, she should be the happiest girl in Sunnydale! Buffy could just tell her best friend there and then that Willow could have her now! But something in her heart made her realize that this was not meant to be, or was it?! Doubts and confusion overcame her. And a disturbing question penetrated in her mind, “Is this what I really want?”


“Buffy are you okay?”

As she heard Willow’s concerned voice, Buffy became more frustrated and agitated. She shook her head lightly and mumbled, “No. I’m not.”

“Come again?”

Buffy heard the surprise in Willow’s voice.

Buffy saw her best friend furrow her brows. She knew Willow expected her to be excited. But her emotions were suddenly suppressed.

“I said, I’m not okay,” Buffy reiterated.

“I don’t understand,” Willow remarked with confusion. “Buffy, what’s wrong?”

Buffy felt even more agonized when her eyes darted to the table and she finally realized that Willow was holding her hand. Her palms started to sweat. She glanced back at Willow’s face and saw the sincerity in Willow’s gentle eyes. But her heart couldn’t decide now, she thought with frustration. “I... I don’t know,” she whispered and gently, she released her hands from Willow’s hold. “I... I have to go,” she said and rose from her seat not looking back at her best friend.

Confused, Willow cried, “Buffy, wait!”

Buffy heard Willow but did not stop walking away from the table and the next thing she felt, Willow had seized her arm.

“What’s happening? I thought you loved me?!” Willow uttered.

With Willow not releasing her, Buffy turned around and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. “I do! I do love you Will!” she ground out, her eyes smoldering in pain. “I keep on loving you even if it hurts!”

Frustrated, Willow returned, “I said I’m sorry! I’m sorry that you suffered this way! I’m sorry that you had to wait this long!”.

For a moment Buffy felt that she was about to burst into tears, but she fought it. She realized that they were both upset and this conversation was leading to nowhere. She wanted to make sure that she would not regret anything in the end and that was why she couldn’t decide right now. Buffy looked down and hid her face from her best friend. She was startled when she felt Willow’s hands grab her by the waist and hug her tenderly.

Buffy couldn’t help but to look up at her best friend. The confused look in Willow’s eyes suddenly shifted into soft tender gaze.

“I’m here now,” Willow said comfortingly. “Isn’t this what you want?” Willow asked tenderly as their foreheads met.

How Buffy melted in those loving arms as Willow wrapped her in a tender embrace. She knew that if she stayed in Willow’s arms for too long though, she might not be able to think properly anymore. Before she could get lost in her best friend’s alluring touch, Buffy released herself from the warmness of Willow’s arms. “I... I need to think this over,” Buffy said with disappointment. She avoided Willow’s eyes.

Buffy left no time for Willow to reason anything out and took off, leaving her best friend more confused than she was.

This could have been the happiest moment of her life. She could have easily accepted Willow’s love. But something had held her back.

Buffy went home disconcerted. It perplexed her why Willow suddenly professed love for her. They hadn’t been hanging out together these passed few days and it was during that time that Buffy realized she did not missed Willow.

*************************

It was late in the afternoon when she opened her eyes. Still feeling lethargic, Tara stretched her legs, shoved away the blanket that was warming her and forced herself to get up. She had been sulking there since last night and she thought that she would not let her feelings complicate her life again.

She took the robe that was hanging on the back of the door and slipped it on before descending downstairs. The house was quiet when she arrived at the living room. “That’s better,” she thought, not wanting any company yet. Tara went straight to the kitchen. She wanted nothing in particular except to drink a cup of strong coffee. As she reached the kitchen, she saw the post-it on the fridge.

She knew instantly that it was from Anya, “Out on a business meeting!” It said.

Tara smirked and raised her eyebrow,. “Whatever,” she pronounced, not caring if Anya was on a real business meeting, or in one of her shenanigans. She had enough headaches and didn’t want to add that to the list of her worries.

**************************

Sometimes the truth was hard to accept. After drinking two mugs of coffee, Tara went back upstairs. As she entered her room, she caught sight of herself in the mirror of her dressing table. The dark circles around her eyes showed that she just had slept little. Her hair was disheveled and her face was pale. She was a mess, all because of one person.

Realizing that she couldn’t go on suppressing what she felt, Tara groaned and turned around. She threw herself back into the bed. “Oh! This is embarrassing!” she hissed and pulled the blanket over her. Nine years was a big gap, she worried. It was driving her insane. How could she have fallen for a seventeen-year old?

Was it crazy of her to fall in love with someone she thought she could never be attracted to? “I used to give her cookies and milk!” Tara railed internally. It worried her immensely how people would react. What would they say if they found out? How about Willow’s friends... and Willow’s mom? She had been close with the Rosenbergs. Tara felt even more ashamed. “What if Matt ever finds out?!” There were so many things to consider and she did not know if she could ever handle them!


********************************************************************

The following day...

Willow dashed through the corridor of Sunnydale High School. She had been restless since she woke up this morning. Buffy hadn’t returned her calls last night and she was bound to fix everything today with her best friend. “I’ve got to have her,” she told herself. She was determined to claim Buffy.

When she arrived at her classroom, Willow looked right away in the direction of Buffy’s chair. But she was disappointed as she found an empty seat beside her. “Where is she?” she wondered, and her eyes made a frantic search for her best friend, until it was halted by the arrival of Ms. Calendar. “Damn it!” She silently cursed and had no choice but to take a seat.

***************************************************************

Tara woke up at the feeling of sunbeams touching her face and jerked away from the strong light that emanated from the window. She remained in bed for a while and looked around her. After her eyes adjusted to the brightness of her room, Tara rose and made her way out to the bathroom. She had promised herself that her worrying had to end, at least for today.

It was already ten o’clock in the morning when she arrived at the Magic Box. She saw that Anya was already there, putting the remaining glass jars on the shelves behind the counter.

“Hey,” Tara greeted nonchalantly as she walked through the shop.

“Hibernation over?” Anya returned with sarcasm.

“Don’t start with me,” Tara warned and treaded to the small room at the end of the shop.

“Mr. Cassanova wants to talk to you!”

Tara heard Anya shout across the shop. “What does he want?!” she asked, annoyed at the thought that Wesley have not left yet.

“A dinner with you!”

“Didn’t you told him that we’re busy here!?” Tara protested, emerging from the little room carrying a box of scented candles.

“He knows! But it’s important, you must talk to him,” Anya insisted, still working behind the counter.

Tara was about to reply, but the ringing of the phone refrained her. She returned to the small room and left Anya talking on the phone.

A few minutes later, Anya shouted, “I need to pick up the flyers! Call him!” Anya added before disappearing through the door.

“I’ll think about it!” Tara returned and was relieved that Anya left. She couldn’t handle Anya’s persistent nagging to call Wesley.


Tara worked alone at the Magic Box for the rest of the day. At around six in the evening, Anya called to inform her that she had a date and was not sure what time would she come home. Tara decided to work late at the Magic Box, to make up for the time she had been absent. Her thoughts were preoccupied with the “commotion” that had been happening in her life lately. It wasn’t just Willow who was tormenting her mind, but Wesley too. Not to mention the added stressed of opening the Magic Box.

When she got home at eight, Anya was still not there. Tara proceeded to the kitchen, grabbed her mug from the cupboard and poured the left over coffee that she had brewed this morning into her mug. She grabbed one of the chairs in the dining table, sat down and began drinking the stale coffee. “What am I supposed to do now?” she mused. There was this person that she knew, who wanted and still loved her, but she kept on shoving him away. And another one, who she wanted but couldn’t have because that person was already taken! And even if that person was not taken, Tara was not brave enough to face the reality of having a relationship with someone so much younger than herself.


After some three hours of contemplating and two mugs of stale coffee, Tara finally realized that she had to face the reality. She had to stop moping and move on with her life. And the first thing that she must do now was fix her heart.

She had been taking this feeling for granted and it was time to find out if this person was really meant for her. It was eleven o’clock when she saw the time, but she did not mind even if it was already late. Tara stood up, picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.


************************


“How could this be happenin’ now?” Buffy wailed as she paced to and fro in their living room. It was already late at night, and yet, the thought of Willow wanting her was still tormenting her. She had known Willow all her life and discovering that she was in love with her best friend was the most wonderful and excruciating part of her teenage life. Ever since Willow told her that they could never be more than friends, Buffy had accepted it painfully. And still, she remained a good best friend despite the rejection. Buffy knew that she could never have the love that she was yearning from Willow, but she continued to love her best friend, even if it was tearing her apart.

She was now trying to figure out if she had done the right thing, as after her break up with Scott, she had declined every love that came her way. Buffy had gone through this torture and anxiety with hopes that one day Willow would return her feelings. But when it finally happened, her heart suddenly got confused, but why? Could it be that her heart had loved someone else, but was just afraid to accept it?

That night before going to bed, Buffy came to a decision and realized that she had to choose and come out from hiding. There were two persons who had been endlessly calling on her cell phone and leaving her messages, but she never answered the calls nor returned the messages to either of the two. She went to the phone and dialed a familiar number.


***********************************************

Willow was absent-mindedly watching the late night talk show when the phone startled her.

“Who could this be?” she wondered as she glanced at her wristwatch and saw that it was way past eleven. The ringing persisted and Willow idly stood up and decided to answer the phone.



TBC

[Krokador]

Woah! First!!!!

And such a wonderful update! Now, wonder who's calling who. Hate cliffhangers (like most of the people here, and then we keep reading no matter what so...)

And for the first time, I gotta say 'yay for the not so clueless Buffy!'. And, shall we see Faith sometime soon?

Good work! This update was worth the wait!

[AlysonGoddess]

whew!!!! Great update!!! Looking for more
Erin