(AU): Written In The Stars - 'Does age matter?'

[StarCat]

WOW. That was intense. Awesome update. This is a great story you have going here.

[ambercissism]

i wish it were tara... what would it take for me to connive you into making it tara?

Well, if you can send me gallons of Mango Ice Cream here, i think we have a deal. Who knows, she might be the one by the door.

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This is the replies from the all the feedbacks from the previous chapter.


Kaia : You’re very welcome.

Although this was totally unexpected and I'm still not sure how I feel about the way you handled this...meaning, poor Willow.

I’m sorry for all the twist and turns, and if you were caught off guard. But I do promise that Willow is gonna be happy soon.

Oh, and I officially hate your Wesley...can I kill him?

Yes, you can… And I think you have started a club of “I wanna kill Wesley”.

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LesbianJedi87:

out of all the few fics i read this is one of my favorites, it would be truely amazing if it was updated!

I hope I was able to brighten your day, with the update.

WHAT! Buffy and Faith?! Tara and Wesley?! What the...how the....WHAT! Ok ok Im fiiiine with Buffy and Faith...sort of....but Tara...what...IS...SHE...DOING! And Willow's just like "la la la I dont know where Buffy is la la la" And Tara is soo obviously with Wesley to try and deny her feelings, yes that's it! Cause she doesnt even LIKE Wesley and well, who does?? And Anya! "kicks her" You have to fix this! "pouts"

Thanks Rose for that hyper-y fb! Looks like, you’re not the only one who pitches tent *looks at writerfreak*, waiting for the long delayed update. Have you got marshmallows too? I do apologized for making you wait too long. But I hope the long update makes up for the delay. Don’t worry, I’m gonna fix it soon. I promise.

And thanks for letting me know that I still did a fantastic job, despite posting it unbeta’d. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but you can re-read the beta’d chapter 12 now.

By the way, I just wanna warn you about the cliffhanger at the end. It might not be good to your heart…

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writerfreak: Thanks for that excite-y fb! I’m so glad to hear that you love this fic.

im going to physically hurt wesley now, mmhmm. faith and buffy are okay, pretty much a given. but tara and willow both are being way too blind, keep it coming, suspense is good.

Well, yeah, you can by all means, hurt Wesley. It’s good to know that you like the suspense and that you still want more.

its been wait too long since this has been updated, way way too long. so im staying right here *points to ground* and waiting. *pitches tent and builds a fire* marshmallows anyone?
I really am sorry for taking me forever to update. I have to rewrite it for more than ten times, so I could bring a good update to all of you…

I think you can get out of the tent now, coz here’s the update that you’re waiting for too long. I wonder how many marshmallows you’ve had?

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tru2urheart : The first time I saw your username, it was on Extra Flamey, and when you’ve left a fb to my humble story, I was happy to see a fellow writer from EF, liking my story.

Great update!! Wonderful! Applause

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

Now, we know Buffy likes Faith, which is good because that's just another push for Willow to see she can't get rid of her feeling for Tara so easily, but I gotta say;

Yeah, I think Buffy turning to Faith is a big relief and it’s less frustrating now. There’s just one problem left: Wesley.

I think most kittens who are reading this story probably want to beat Wesley into pulp.

I think so too.

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AlysonGoddess: Hey Erin! Thanks again for your hyperish fb!

and the whole buffy faith thing haha that was surely unexpected! But please continue with those updates this story rocks!

Well, it looks like you definitely glad about the B/F thing. Thanks for finding this story “rocks”!

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k-prime: First of all, thanks for the fb!

Gah! Please tell me you're not going to wait as long to post an update! I've found myself sucked into the world you've created. Good job!

From the sound of it, you surely are sucked into this “world”. And I do apologized for having to make you wait soooo long. Sorry if it took soooo long to update, but I hope you like the latest update.

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will: Hi Will! Thanks again for the nice fb.

great update but what is tara doing with wesley.

Tara is trying to figure out if she really has this feeling for Wesley or not. On the next chapter (which is the long update now), you’ll gonna find out what she finally really wants.

i hope she is going to tell willow how she feel soon maybe at thanksgiving.

Well, Tara sort of told Willow what she feels about her. But she still cannot verbally tell her.

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Drut: Hey there! Thank you for the fb, I surely appreciate it.

Why, why, WHY is Tara with Wesely?! It's just not good, lol!

Ummm… Yeah, I know, it’s not good. But Tara just has to find out if she really likes Wesley or not, so that she could go on with her feelings.

Hopefully there'll be some in the not-to-distant future?

Yes, soon. Hope you’ll still stick around.

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AntigoneUnbound: Oh. My. Gosh. I never expected that one of the best writers on the KB would drop and leave a feedback to my humble fic!

Thank you so much Mary! I’m so excited and happy when I read your wonderful feedback. I really appreciate it.

I just got caught up on this fic and I enjoy it immensely! Little Willow, all grown up and...hot.

It feels so good to know that a great writer like you enjoys reading this fic.

You know, of all the twists and turns, I think the one I find most compelling is Buffy turning to Faith. (I know, Debra, I'm a Fluffy-whore, but it really is more that that!) So many times we have this deep-seated longing and pining and then when we finally get the chance at our long-sought-after prize, we find that our heart has developed a mind of its own. This was a great contrast to Willow's truly unchanging devotion.

Thanks again for pointing that out. That is what I wanna show to the readers. That sometimes we thought we know what we wants, but it turns out that our heart can be so twisted and crazy.

Nicely done, and nicely hinted at (though we didn't know it at the time) w/ Buffy and Faith getting called to the principal's office. Clearly they were developing an alliance themselves.

Oh! I thought nobody would notice that. I guess you really are reading beyond the lines and what’s hidden there (hope you got what I meant by that). I always wanna throw up little things in the fic that foreshadow a certain event, and I do hope to master it. And thanks for letting me know that.

Now, if you'd just send Wesley over here for a little smacking upside the head...Anya, too, if you would. Thanks!

Yeah, they’re all yours! You’re very welcome.

I can tell you're putting thought and effort into this story, and it shows. (Which is how I can tell, I suppose--odd sentence, that!) Nice work!

Aww, thank you so much for that amazing feedback. I’m so glad you notice it. You’re certainly right, “I’m putting thought and effort” in this story, that’s why if I don’t feel like my writing is not ok, I will not post it, until I find the right thoughts and words to write. That’s why I can’t update often.

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JustSkipIt: Hey Debra! It’s so great to read your fb again. Thank you so much!

Thanks for the update and for solving the who's calling who questions. Interesting that you choose to throw in a 3rd call to make it even more mysterious.

You’re always welcome and it’s nice to know that you find it interesting.

Anyway, Wes is a complete jerk and he never listens to what Tara has to say. Why doesn't she put her foot down with him? I'm starting to feel like she's kind of "step on me", you know?

Well, Tara is trying to figure out something. She wanna finds out if she still has this feelings left for Wesley or not, so that she could move on. With regards to Wesley, he’ll be annoying more on the next update.

Yay that she's going over for Thanksgiving and will see Willow but boo to Wes being there too.

I’m glad to know that you’re happy that Tara is going over for Thanksgiving. Coz there’s gonna be a realization after that “dinner”. I hope you’ll gonna like the next update.

I have to admit that your posting this one un-betad does make it more difficult to read but you are working on it and the story is quite engaging. Keep it coming.

Thanks for pointing that out. But you can re-read the betad Chapter 12 now. It’s clearer.

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I_love_Danish: Hey there, “Danish lover”. It’s so nice to see your fb again. I’m glad you always stick around and wait patiently, despite the lack of update. I know that there were just few stories that you like here, and I’m so glad to know that one of them is this fic. Thank you!

So nice to see the newest chapter!
Oooook, Buffy is with Faith. Good. Should be interesting to see Willow's reaction on that.

Glad you like the last update. I hope you’ll like even more the new one… you can now see how Willow reacted when Buffy told her that she’s not the one she wants, but Faith.

Wesley is still stuck on Tara like some veeeery strong glue...Not good at all.
Tara is definetly too nice to him instead of saying that he should really really just....go and leave and her alone. What a penetrating guy!

Yeah, he is, he’s an annoying guy, and he’ll be annoying more on the new chapter. So, better get yourself prepared for some Wesleynuisance.

Thanksgiving is going to be entertaining I guess or very dramatic...we will see, lol.
Great update!

You’ll be the judge, and tell me what you think. Thanks again!

You take care too!

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SithLordWiccan: Thank you for leaving your “two cents”, I really appreciate it that you dropped by.

I discovered this story over @ ExtraFlamey, and decided to print it off and read it. And I found it to be a very touching and heartfelt one. I mean, most W/T fic I read is either smut or uber (and some are even a combo of the two), but this was one that I found particularly interesting. I mean, how often do we have a fic where Willow and Tara find each other as kids, only to fall apart and come together later.

It’s good to hear that you still followed up with this story from EF to KB. That’s where I first post this story. I’m flattered that you’ve printed off this fic. Coz I never thought that its worth printing it.

This is one of those ideas that could have gone horribly wrong. But you managed to avoid it. Good job.

Thanks again! It’s so nice to know that, and I’m relieved too.

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cosmic dancer: Hiya Sez!

It’s always good to see your amazing feedback! Thanks for dropping by again and taking some time out from your busy life, to read my humble fic. It’s certainly appreciated.

Grrrr OK, I don't hate you but grrrrr....!!!

It’s OK, I think you’re not the only one who hates me now for making this so twisted.

This is a very clever chapter I hadn't remotely considered Xander as someone who could be phoning Willow. I also hadn't really thought of Faith & Buffy as a pair, but I'm happy with that, I've always liked Faith's character a lot, so I'm pleased to see her in a fic. Also if she is going to be in a relationship with someone, Buffy or a new invented character would always be preferable to her being with WIllow or Tara.

Thanks! I’m happy to know that you considered this chapter “clever”. Well, I guess, this fic is full of surprises. Hope you like surprises… Me too. I love Buffy and Faith. I think Faith’s strong character needs someone who could “calm” her, and I think Buffy is the right person to do the job.

As for Tara and Wesley ... ... how can you do this to us!! Not only has he got himself invited along to Thanksgiving, but he's also her new business partner

I’m really sorry for putting you all in this frustrating and agonizing stage.

I hope Tara comes up with a good way to make Anya suffer. It's now going to be very tricky for Tara to get him out of her life, even if she really wants to.

Well, you know Anya, her priority in life is money and sex, and since she’s not getting the last one (coz Tara won’t let her), she had to think of a way to make her happy, and that is to make more money!

I'm looking forward to reading about Thanksgiving, or possibly first Willow's reaction to her mum telling her that Tara and her boyfriend are coming. It could reawaken Willow's feelings, but how are they meant to even talk properly with Wesley there.

I’m please to hear that you’re looking forward for the next chapter, I just have to apologize for the delay. You know how hard it is when a story is being beta’d, and I have 18 pages here… Let me know what you think about Willow’s reaction when she found out that Tara and “her boyfriend” were coming for Thanksgiving. Take care!

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Willow~Rosenberg: Hi there! I’m so glad you found this fic and enjoyed reading it.

You have created some nice plot twists and interesting problem for our girls to overcome.

Thank you very much for the nice fb. I’m happy you like it.

Can you sign me up on the "I want to smack Wesley' bandwagon?

Yes, you can join the others now! I think it’s gathering more members.

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Animism: Hey there. I’m happy to see your feedback. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I remember the same name back at Extra Flamey when I’m still writing my first fic. Are you the same Animism from EF too?

this is a wonderful story.

Well, whether you’re the same Animism form EF or not, thank you for dropping by and leaving a fb. I surely appreciate it.

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SallyMcFine: Hi Sally! I’m always looking forward reading your feedback. Btw, I love your avatar!

I'm a sucker for all the misdirection and who is calling who kind of device in a story. Good for Buffy for figuring out that she'd rather be with Faith, and I hope Willow isn't too hurt by it. They're too good of friends to be on the outs for long.

Me too! I’m a sucker for all those misdirected and twisted stories (one GOOD example is Fingersmith). I’m glad you like it too… Yeah, go Buffy! Well, I think it wasn’t Willow’s hurt that was hurt, but her ego.

Even though it's frustrating, I like it that Tara called Wesley and went out on a date with him. I think she's working through something figuring out what she wants

Yes! Finally! Someone agreed with me. That’s what I’m aiming for. I think it’s better for Tara to clear everything before she “plunge” into this thing that’s making her bewildered. It’s best that she could honestly accept to herself if she really likes Willow, or if she will remain with Wesley.

and of course you need to keep the plot moving along. We must have delayed gratification so the payoff is that much better!

I will really try to give the best, and I’m really sorry for the delay. Coz I will rather not update, than post a “not so good” update.

I'm looking forward to reading the uncomfortable scene at the Rosenberg's house at Thanksgiving. I love uncomfortable family-and-friends holiday scenes, not to mention when they're all eating dinner! There's a great scene in Home for the Holidays, a movie starring Holly Hunter and Claire Danes directed by Jodie Foster, which is so painful but funny when they're having Christmas dinner.

Please let me know what you think about the Thanksgiving scene. Coz I’ve had a hard time writing it and was semi-blocked when I came on that part. I haven’t seen Home for the Holidays, but I’ve seen a movie (What’s Cooking?) with a similar scene, and tried to imagine it. But I guess it never help that much.

Having your story un-beta'd made it end up with some incorrect verb tenses and a couple of misspellings, which did make it a bit harder to read, but I totally get that you wanted to give the kittens a holiday gift and for that I am very grateful and looking very forward to what comes next!

You can already re-read the beta’d Chapter 12. And thank you again for the wonderful fb.

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Sn0wflak3: Hey! It’s good to hear from you again. I’m happy that you caught up with this fic again.

I'm glad Buffy come to terms with her feelings for someone other than Willow! Also glad that it's Faith A slight description of a person that coulda been Faith, (which i assumed it was) was made earlier in the fic, and so making quite alot of peeps going "oooh... " when Faith actually came into the fic, so on that.

I think most of the kittens are happy to find Buffy falling for Faith. Well, not everybody were able to figure out that it’s Faith, so you’re really clever to find out that it’s her. A little tip: Just look for those little and somewhat “unimportant” details in the story, and you’ll definitely know what’s gonna happen next.

Also glad that Buffy didn't just give in to Willow's declaration of "love" because it wasn't, and Willow was clearly doing what she thought Buffy wanted her to do, and not what she should be doing.. "Isn't this what you want?" .. and what she should be doing is going to talk to Tara, before Sheila goes and makes the whole thing worse, saying Tara's got a bf

As what Mary pointed out,

So many times we have this deep-seated longing and pining and then when we finally get the chance at our long-sought-after prize, we find that our heart has developed a mind of its own.

I think it’s already too late. Sheila had already made things a bit worse.

Also love the way you've written in Tara's pain and anger. I think it's about time that girl had a bit of edge to her!

Thanks for letting me know!

Well, I know that you like a BIT angst, I just have to warn you about the next update, it’s long, angsty and has a bad cliffhanger.

I do enjoy your rambling, so don’t stop.

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bluewillowwitch: Hello Grace! I’m always happy to receive a new fb, thank you for leaving one.

I love the update! Of course! Only Faith could take Buffy from Willow! No one else could ever have done it

I totally agree with you on that. I always love the two of them.

OMG! What is it with all the misses with and ? It seems that everytime that they are about to do anything or about to tell the other anything someone or something comes in to iterrupt them. You are going to tease us with this aren't you?

I’m guilty here. Can you still take few more teasing? Coz I always tend to do that in my stories. There’s more in the update, so better prepare yourself.

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wiIIowhand: It’s never too late to reply. No matter how late it is, I always love to read feedbacks.

but you absolutely NEED to post a new chapter.

I’m really sorry for the long delayed of updating this fic. But I do hope you’ll like the new chapter coz it’s already posted, and it’s long.

This story is so cute.

Awww, thanks! Hope to hear form you again soon!

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smallhawk: Hi there!

I guess I'm a little late as it seems that this story may have been forgotten. I just found it last night however and thinks it's pretty much amazing

As what I’ve mentioned before, it’s never too late to reply. I always appreciate everything you all have to say about this fic. I’m glad you found it, and decided to drop by and left some fb. Thanks!

It would be fantastic if there was an update!

Update is already up, I hope you’ll like it.

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taraforever: I’m happy to tell you that there’s already a long update posted. Thanks for the feedback, it’s surely appreciated.

Hope Tara and Willow will be soon together

Yeah, soon. I promise. Can you still wait a bit? Hope so.

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Sandman78: Hey Sand! Thanks for the fb!

Amazing read...but :
Tara and Weasel?
Buffy and Faith... (Okay,I can dig that)
and poor lonely Willow , she needs her Tara.

I’m glad to know that it amazed you. Well, everything will soon be OK in WT land. I promise. Hope you still can wait.

You had me fooled with your mini post.

I know what you meant, and it’s frustrating and disappointing. That’s why I always apologize ahead that it’s not an update, but a note to let you all know that I haven’t forgotten about this fic and still working on it. But if you wanna be sure if I’ve already post an update, you could always check the Update Thread. So, you’d be less disappointed.

Oh well, I can dream can't I?
Loving this story!!!

Yes, you can dream whenever you want. Thanks for letting me know that you love my story, it feels so good to know that.

[caz]

I'm really enjoying this one! I'm gonna say the same as everyone else - please let Tara be in the doorway, listening to this conversation.

Oh - and can you get Anya to seduce Wesley or have him run over by a truck. He needs to disappear - and quickly! Thanks.

Looking forward to your next update.

Caz

[JustSkipIt]

Hey there,
Thanks for the very busy and very wonderful update. Ok, it wasn't wonderful because T/W aren't together but they are definitely moving in a good direction. I have to say that the amount of not letting other people talk in this update sucks: Joyce won't let Buffy talk, Willow has to go before Buffy can talk, Wes repeatedly won't let Tara talk. It's all very frustrating. In particular, Wes is a terrible ass and I can't believe that Tara allows her to walk all over her even though they aren't a couple (or if they were for that matter). Sheila and Joyce should both be appalled on Tara's behalf.

I'd love to think that Tara is standing in the doorway but I'm going to guess that it's Wes instead and that he will continue to be an ass. Either that or Faith for some reason came looking for Buffy or something like that.

All the oggling is very nice though. Keep that up. Waiting for more.

[beanie]

GAH! (That's my frustrated sound.) PLEASE LET THAT BE TARA IN THE DOORWAY!! PLEASE DEAR LORD LET IT BE TARA!! All this back and forth: Tara's straight, Willow's with Buffy. BOOOOOO!!! They should shut up and kiss already! Where are the smoochies. It's obviously written in the stars. Har har, I get it. Btw, whenever I see your title I start singing the song from Aida. Oh, Aida . . .

BUT WILLOW AND TARA!!! PLEAAAAAASSSSSSSSE. I'll love a lot if you do . And please, I know you want my love. (Oh, I sound like Wesley a bit. eww).

-beanie

[Shy One]

Hi there,

I just wanted to say that I have become thoroughly hooked on this
story. It's really wonderful!

But that cliffhanger was just pure evil.

I also hope that Tara was the one standing in the doorway, but with
my luck it'll probably end up being Wesley. Which means we'll have
several more chapters of angst to get through.
Please don't do that to us. Can it.....can it just be Tara?

Please update soon, cause that cliffhanger was just.....not nice.
Oh, and can Wesley get hit by a bus or something?

Shy One

[writerfreak]

i didnt have too many marshmallows, didnt have to wait long though which is good. i am so addicted to this story. suspense can only keep me coming back for more, im a sucker for it.

writerfreak

[Willowlover]

You know, now that I re-read the last chapter I started thinking more about what Willow said and I can sympathize with WIllow. While I haven't been In that exact situation I have been in a one really close to that. Having to watch at a distance as the one you love continues to live without you. Thinking how is it fair that they can go one living while I'm in so much pain.It's hard and for Willows sake I actually hope it's Wesley in the doorway. Then she can confront him and tell him to back off of Tara. Well that's only half true I think I might like it better if it's Tara.

[sweet_southern_sex_kitten]

Come on please update im dieing !! I really really like this story. Its like me in High School lol kinda but better. As for who is at the door. Im not sure if I want it to be Tara or what b/c I mean that would be crazy. The wanting would not good on. And the intenceness of there first kiss and stuff wouldnt be so... I dont know great.

[everbreeze]

Okay.... So I just finished reading the story and all I can say is that if your replies are longer than the actual updates.... THAT'S when you know you've written a good story. Congrats!! You almost make me wanna write a story of my own... if I weren't so lazy!! Well keep up the great work and best wishes. BTW... Update soon... please??

[willowbaby05]

OH MY GOD!!! PLEASE LET THAT BE TARA AT THE DOOR PLEASE!!! Willow's breakdown had me going bonkers ... I just really really want Tara to be at the door.. Update soon please.. I'll be waiting.

[sinkinghearts]

waaaaaaaaaaaa..no updates yet?

can't wait to know who's standing by the door *chants tara continuously*

[Shai]

Hey! I just wanted to say that this is one of my favourite fics and I'm constantly looking for updates! I like how you've keptthe pace slow and realistic, and I have to say that as much as I hope it's Tara at the door, I don't think you're gonna let us lovesick readers off that easy! *grins*

[notl33t]

I hate to give feedback and lend hope to all of us fanfic-worshippers in the Kitten, but OMG, you write amazing cliffhangers.

I really love how you paint Tara as this independent, different AU woman. Still sexy IMHO, and still Tara. Mmmm...

[sweet_southern_sex_kitten]

I have been waitin sooo long for in update i just reread the story. And god come on update. I mean I'm reading alot of storys at the time and this one to me is by far the best on the board right now. I like the plot the settings. So come on more more more!!!

[ambercissism]

Hi everybody! I'm really thankful for all of your feedbacks and I'm happy to know what you all think of it... Anyway, I just sent the next chapter to my beta and hopefully we could have an update within this week. I hope you'd still all bear with me. RL is really driving me insane lately, but with all your thoughts and wonderful fbs, I'd always find a way to write...

[SithLordWiccan]

Trust me, Amber. I know how much the process of back and forth beta sessions can be a chore. But if it means that this fic can keep getting better, then I'm all for it.

And yeah, I've read the latest chapter. I love this fic more each time I read it. Here's hoping for some soon.

[tarebear]

oh yey! a new chapter soon! cool!

i know how RL can be but rest assured we're all here to support yah because you're such a wonderful writer!

later!

[Shy One]

WOO HOO!!!!

An update is coming, an update is coming!!!
*jumping up and down with excitement*

I can't wait to find out who was standing in the door when Willow
spilled the beans to Buffy.
I still hope it was Tara.

Those two need to be hit on the head with the clue stick.

Take care,

Shy One

[gyzmkid]

must...post...moooooore! =)

i absolutely love your story. nice work. can't wait for the next update.

[hotydnic]

who can that be.. i vote for Tara too.. but.. .. .. it could be the whole gang out there.. !!

more... more... MORE~~~ pretty please?? soon please??

[willowsdouble]

WooHoo!!!!!................................................................I LOVE YOUR FIC. Update soon! I'll be sitting here.......staring at my computer screen.....drooling.............and waiting for an update..........And hopefully there will be some in your next update. Please?


Love,
~*Adriana*~



~* I Love Kittens*~

[sweet_southern_sex_kitten]

All most the end of the week still no update grrr im going crazy

[taraforever]

PLEASE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE !!!!

[ambercissism]

Hey everybody!

Sorry to disappoint you again, but this isn't an update. I know that I've writtten on my last post that we might have an update this week, and I'm aware that today's the last day of the week... It's just that my betas are kinda busy right now. Betaing an update really takes time. Hope you'd still all bear with me. Again, thank you so much for your wonderful feedbacks.

[Shy One]

Hey ambercissism,

It's ok. We can wait a little longer.

At least we know the chapter is definitely on its way.


Shy One

[tarawillowfan562]

i love your fic cant wait till you update

[Willowlover]

I feel kinda stupid for asking but does Willow still have the Tatoo that She showed Buffy in ch.5 (Tara Forever). cause I don't rember her getting it removed. If she has it than it might be a good idea to let Tara see it later in the story if it's not her in the doorway.

[sweet_southern_sex_kitten]

Wow its been for ever since ive read an update. I check this post like every thing I come on here. Its the first thing I do. I think the tat. idea is a good one let it be some one other than Tara in the door and like find some way to let Tara see the tat. and relize every thing. But dont for get Tara is not to up in your face brave person. So make it a good Tara style we all know and love.

[ambercissism]

Author's Note: I really apologized for the long delay. Thank you all for bearing with me, and for your non-stop support for this story. I'll try to post the replies for your individual fbs tomorrow. Your wonderful feedbacks really makes me smile, and I just wanna let you all know again that I appreciate every bit of it. I'm always interested and happy to know what you all think, even if it's short or long, constructive or praise, words or any of these , English or whatever langauge you use, I'll be always content and appreciate what you each have to say. Here you go... enjoy or hate me.



C14 [center]WISHFUL THINKING[/center]


“What’s going on here?” Joyce asked, confused, after closing the kitchen’s door.

Willow froze. She did not know how much information Joyce had heard. But if she would ever have to tell anyone aside from Buffy that she was hurting and had been in love with a woman since she was eight years old, it would have been her own mother, not her best friend’s mom. Willow had been open with her mother about her orientation since she had been a freshman, but the reality of her falling in love with a woman had not been openly discussed and Willow was not sure how Sheila would take it. “I… errr… we’re just…” Willow fumbled for the right answer.

As a look of fear came across Willow’s face, Buffy felt a swaggering pride suddenly possess her. She saw a perfect opportunity to strike back after she had been deprived of the moments that she truly wanted to talk to her mother. ”I’m gay,” she declared proudly and stared at her mother with a challenge in her eyes.

Astounded, Willow turned to her best friend. “Huh?!” she blurted, surprised at Buffy’s unexpected and brave coming out to Joyce.

Joyce stared at her daughter a moment and then her confused expression changed into shock. “Buffy Anne Summers, if this is a joke, I’m not liking it.” Joyce said.

There was a moment of total silence, as two pairs of eyes remained focused over at Buffy’s direction. Buffy held her composure, gathered all her strength again and said, “It’s true Mom, I’m gay and I’m in love with a girl.”

Joyce remained silent, as if trying to digest what Buffy had just said. When she finally gained her composure, she moved towards Buffy. “Have you gone insane?!” Joyce asked, trying to keep her tone down, and yet, her body was trembling in shock and disappointment.

Buffy faced her mother with courage and proclaimed, “No Mom, I’ve just gotten braver.”

Seeing that the tension was starting to build, Willow snuck out silently from the kitchen and left Buffy and Joyce to confront one another.

****************************************

Enjoying her chat with Wesley and Tara while sitting on the sofa around the warmth of the fireplace, Sheila was distracted when she saw Willow emerge from the kitchen looking pale and bewildered. “Is everything all right, Willow?” she asked, her eyes following her daughter until Willow reached the living room.

Willow waited for a second before she could reply. “Buffy just came out to her mom… and I think Joyce was shocked.”

“Bloody hell!” Wesley instantly remarked.

“Wesley!” Tara snapped and gave him a fierce ‘shut up!’ look.

“What? It’s absolutely shocking to find out that a pretty girl like her is gay,” Wesley replied. “Such a waste.” He continued shaking his head.

Tara sighed in annoyance and did not bother talking to him. She switched her gaze to Sheila to see her reaction. A worried and serious look settled on Sheila’s face and Tara saw her glaring at Willow.

“Do you have anything to do with this?” Sheila asked her voice suddenly strict and firm.

“Wh- What do you mean?” Willow answered, confused when she saw her mom glaring at her.

“Oh my god,” Tara worried in her thoughts as she watched the scene between Sheila and Willow. What was happening in the kitchen completed the puzzle. “They’ve told her.” Tara felt her hope of having Willow for herself diminish and an immense pain suddenly struck her. Before she could hear Willow admit to Sheila that Buffy was her girlfriend, Tara decided to save herself from the pain of hearing the truth. “Ummm… Sheila?” she said carefully, drawing her attention. “I think w-we better leave now.” Tara’s tone was almost shattered. She stood up, feeling uneasy.

“Oh, Tara, Wesley,” Sheila replied and stood up with them. “I’m sorry that this had to happen.”

“No, I-it’s all right. Thank you for inviting us,” Tara assured her as she readied to leave. But before going, she glanced at Willow who seemed to be silently suppressing the frustrations from her mother’s accusation, and was just waiting for them to get out of the house before the actual confrontation happened.

“Thank you, Sheila, for the wonderful dinner,” Wesley declared and shook Sheila’s hand. “We’ve had a great time.”

“I’m glad you did,” Sheila answered, feeling relieved. “I’ll show you to the door.”

*****************************

“I said, are you involved with Buffy?!” Sheila accused as soon as the door closed behind her. Her once nice expression as she talked to Tara and Wesley was now one of disappointment.

Completely surprised, Willow returned, “Geeze, Mom! What are - ”

“Answer me!” Sheila demanded.

Willow’s face was the picture of a devastated child being scolded for something that she did not actually do as she witnessed the disappointed look on her mother’s face. An immense feeling of frustration suddenly wheeled inside her at the thought of her mother being dazed at the idea of her being involved with a girl. “Would it freak you out if I told you that I’m in love with a girl?!” she said, watching carefully for her mother’s reaction. Willow’s voice was breaking in frustration and her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she asked that question for the first time.

Willow was answered by silence. She couldn’t take the dismayed and appalled expression of her mother. It hurt her deeply to find out that her own mother had not truly accepted what she wanted. Wringing her hands, Willow tried to fight the tears that were threatening to burst from her eyes. The pain of realizing that her mother doubted her, thrust like a dagger in her heart. “I thought… that you’d accepted me for who I am. But it turned out…” Willow stopped for a moment trying to control the convulsion that was threatening to explode from inside her. “I was wrong,” she mumbled weakly, and before her mother could see the gush of tears, she strode towards the stairs and left her mother standing in the middle of the living room, speechless.

************************************

After Willow had gone upstairs, Sheila found herself contemplating her daughter’s words. There was a nagging feeling inside her that still wouldn’t accept that her daughter was gay and growing up. It had been easier for her to see that Willow did not want to wear a pink dress and liked to have her hair short; it had been easier for her to accept that Willow liked playing with Xander’s GI Joes instead of Buffy’s Barbie dolls. But knowing that her daughter was nearly an adult and going to seek out a different affection apart from what she was getting from her family and friends, Sheila suddenly found herself panicking at the thought of Willow kissing a girl and not a boy. She had not dwelled on that phase of Willow’s life before and always been used to seeing her daughter in a regular pattern: school, basketball, hanging out with her friends and then home. She had never seen the other side of her daughter, the side that most parents considered the most difficult one to handle: their child’s sexual side. What if Willow suddenly told her that she was in love with a girl and would like to bring the girl home and introduce her? What should she do? How would she feel? Could she take the truth that her daughter was kissing a girl? How would she deal with the thought of Willow having a relationship with a girl? And worst of all, Willow having sex with a girl?! Suddenly, there were several things that worried Sheila immensely.

Having not yet recovered from the intensity of Willow’s outburst, Sheila was once again disrupted when the door of the kitchen flung open and she saw a distraught Buffy storm out without even a goodbye followed by a disconcerted and upset Joyce.


********************************************


Frantic with anger and frustration, Willow threw herself face down on her bed as soon as she locked the door of her room behind her. The suppressed tears that had been threatening to explode moments ago now flowed freely from her red shimmering eyes. Like a little child, Willow laid and cried in the seclusion of her room. She felt betrayed. Alone. Unworthy. Lost… and as much as she tried to dismiss the idea, she felt unloved. Nobody really cared about her, she thought to herself. Nobody…

She felt like she was going to explode with frustration as she recalled the things that had happened today. The discriminating look of her mother continued to linger in her thoughts. All the while she thought that her mother had been comfortable with her sexuality.

Willow became more frustrated when she remembered what her best friend did. Deep inside her, she knew that she couldn’t blame Buffy. She couldn’t hate her best friend for choosing Faith over her. She admitted that Buffy’s love and loyalty had made her feel secure. She had always believed that her best friend would be in love with her. She could have at least felt a bit better with having Buffy around even if she knew and saw that Tara had a boyfriend. But instead, the one consolation that she thought could alleviate this pain had let her down and left her alone mending her broken heart. And Tara… yes, the so-called love of her life. Willow had never stopped wanting her, never stopped loving her even when it hurt so much to see Tara with a man.

It had been the most torturous and painful day of her life. She bawled continuously and let out all the pain that was inside her heart. When there were no more tears to be shed, when she was tired of catching her breath and the contraction of her throat tightening, she turned on her side, curled up and embraced her convulsing body protectively. She was so exhausted. Exhausted of having to believe and hold on to someone’s promise….

[blockquote]“Tara? Will you wait for me?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I’m older and tall, then I’m gonna court you again!”

“Oh Willow! You’re so sweet. But soon, you’ll meet a lot of girls and boys too. And you’ll fall in love with one of them, and then you’ll forget about me.”

“No, I won’t! I will always be in love with you, Tara. Promise you won’t forget me?”

“I promise.”[/blockquote]

“I promise.” The words painfully replayed in her mind.

The one dream that she tried to repeatedly salvage had faded completely. Disheartenment sprawled inside her, and her heart began to feel nothing except pain. Willow closed her eyes and envisaged the idea of not having to exist anymore. In the darkness of her room she tried to sleep away the pain and wished that nobody could hurt her anymore.


*********************************************

Tara’s wandering and restless mind had been trying to find solace in the form of sleep, and yet, her body and her thoughts stubbornly refused. She could not help it, no matter how hard she tried to divert her mind into something else it always led to one thing: Willow. She couldn’t sleep at the thought of Willow having a girlfriend. It was tearing her apart to have known and seen it. But what could she do? She didn’t want to create a trouble. It would have been selfish and immature of her to try and steal Willow away from Buffy and she wasn’t even sure if Willow still had some feelings for her. Several questions kept bothering her. Should she play the game of just being Willow’s friend? Could she handle the fact that she couldn’t gain Willow’s attention? Could she do these things when every time she saw Willow, she only saw love?

Beautiful memories of the good old days began to fill her thoughts and she wished that things were still the same as before: When Willow was so much in love with her…

[blockquote]“Tara? Will you wait for me?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I’m older and tall, then I’m gonna court you again!”

“Oh Willow! You’re so sweet. But soon, you’ll meet a lot of girls and boys too. And you’ll fall in love with one of them, and then you’ll forget about me.”

“No, I won’t! I will always be in love with you, Tara.” [/blockquote]


A tear of anguish fell upon her cheek as she recalled that tender and innocent moment with Willow. It seemed Willow was so determined and truthful in her words. But suddenly, sadness formed in her eyes as the realization of Willow being just a kid and proclaiming that she loves her might have been mere wishful thinking. But Tara couldn’t help it and sighed in pain, “I thought you’d always be in love with me,” she mumbled weakly, and drowned her sorrow in the softness of her pillow that had been soaked since she had lain on her bed. She knew that deep inside her, it was hard to take a child’s proclamation of love seriously. But whether Willow was telling the truth or not all those years ago, Tara hoped and wished to the stars that it would be true now.



*****************************

Sunday

Though she just only able to sleep for three hours, Tara woke up early and was already in the Magic Box at seven in the morning. She needed to keep herself busy and distracted. Anya had taken the day off and was not feeling well after the stress of “Black Friday”, the day after Thanksgiving.

“What’re you doin’ here?” Tara asked, trying to hide her annoyance. She was startled to find Wesley’s smiling face at the shop door.

“I came by to surprise you,” Wesley replied in a joyous tone. “Anya told me that you would be alone today, so, here I am!” he proclaimed proudly. “Your knight in shining armor!” He grinned, holding the collar of his coat.

“But you don’t have to,” Tara insisted.

“But I want to, Tara,” he said, and came closer. “I wanted to be with you. We never get the chance to work on our relationship anymore.”

“But we don’t have a relationship,” Tara clarified, and slipped away from Wesley’s suffocating presence. She walked towards the counter and barricaded herself behind it.

“Yes we do!” Wesley replied, and walked towards the counter to confront Tara. “After all I, never really agreed to break up with you,” he said in a quite superior voice. “And besides, we’re business partners now and will always work together, so we might as well accept the fact that we’re really meant for each other.”

“Business partners, yes. And nothing else,” Tara pointed out. “I think you should prepare the cash register now,” she suggested and left the counter before Wesley could say another word and proceeded to the storage room down the basement.


Hours passed and Tara was grateful the flow of customers were non-stop. For Anya it would mean more money, but to her, it meant driving Wesley from her side.

It was almost nine in the evening when they locked up. Wesley had already locked the cash register and as she was about to switch the last light off, she suddenly heard a soft knock on the door.

“Who could this be?” she wondered as she crossed the room to answer the door.

“Bloody hell! Not another customer!” Wesley whined as he remained behind the counter and waited for Tara to open the door. “Can’t they read the word CLOSED?!”

“I’m coming!” Tara cried. She opened the door to find… “Sh-sheila?” she asked, surprised. Suddenly a deep foreboding feeling overcame her as she saw the worry in Sheila’s face.

“It’s Willow…” Sheila uttered weakly.

Tara instantly panicked. “What?! What happened to her?! Is she alright?!”


TBC