UberSmut (Updated 6/04/06) - COMPLETE

[JustSkipIt]

"What do you say we omit the beta test of this one?" the redhead suggested.

"Yes," Tara responded instantly. "Let's just skip it."

Willow grinned at the quick response. "I was pretty sure from the title that we'd be skipping it, if you want to know the truth."

"I didn't get it at first - I thought that Deliveries in the Rear just meant it would be a story about shipping and receiving."

Of course I love this bit. Gee, I wonder who sent you that idea... Can't imagine. The bit about the title is fantastic. I once bought a um... piece of literature, yeah, that's it... called "Wet" or maybe "Wet women", something like that. It was part of a three pack but I was thinking, "yay. Wet. I love wet!" Guess what? Not that kind of wet. I started the first story and was like, "yuck." Next story, "yuck." Ok, all done with that piece of literature...

Anyway, your, as you put it skewering of ff is fantastic and just oh-so-true. I mean they seem to be really trying the beta test here but it just doesn't go for them. Yuck to a dirty mall bathroom and pee on the floor. And the whole thing about them trying on the clothes is so fantastic: maybe that's what happened with their cannon outfits?

Awesome job (as always).

[edgyqueen]

Remember those novelty bars of soap that were shaped like microphones? I'll bet those are just dandy for, um, making sure everything gets taken of.

Ewwww....

I'll second Candleshoe's "Ewwww..." There's all kinds of fun to be had in the shower, but the soapy microphone just doesn't sound appealing!

Anyway, I'm thinking that edgyqueens use of "elevator" makes her non-British, but I'm quite happy to be corrected...and her girlfriend probably wouldn't be too happy if any "christening" did take place!

Candleshoe is right, I'm definitely non-British, and my girfriend would be most unhappy to hear of me engaging in public sex antics without her!

Sally,
I didn't mention before how much I absolutely LOVED the inclusion of the "bad wardrobe" element in this update. I admit, it took me a minute to get it because I haven't watched any of the episodes for so long. Once I made the connection, I couldn't stop laughing! You're SO clever.

[Lucifer]

And I have to say, same-sex couples, especially girls, have a much easier time dragging each other to the public restroom for naughty fun.

yeah i have to admit we do have it easier there...but the initial urge in a bathroom i cant find...and thankfully neither can my girlfriend

i always think this and im sure other people do too...but i love the way they are so comfortable with eacother that the failed bathroom seduction doesn't really hurt ther relationship, sure Tara get's embarrassed, but nothing too bad happens....i'd probably crawl in a hole and die

'nother great chappy though!

[FineyMcFine]

SithLordWiccan

I think that this particular public bathroom was probably not the best choice of public places - it seemed not to be the cleanest place in the world (or in the mall). I think I'm grateful that someone interrupted. And yeah, Willow and Tara think that they have free will, but they don't know that I am the master of their universe! Thanks Sith.

[hr]

WillowRulez

Heh, I think it's probably a matter of balancing the naughty factor with the cleanliness of the public place. I had thought about including a "mile high club" chapter in UberSmut, but decided against it. I've never seen "Just Married." Thank you!

[hr]

dorksrcool

Ah, Amy. Heh.

[hr]

Ressick

Ooh, inhaling water up your nose - sounds painful. But I'm glad you found it funny. Thank you for reading!

[hr]

Guppy

I was chuckling as I wrote the intruder (or, the person using the public restroom, who wasn't necessarily an intruder, come to think of it) sighing. LOL. I find puddles and moisture in public restrooms annoying, also. Thank you for reading!

[hr]

Grayson

Well, the thought of being in a room filled with peeing people isn't all that much of a turn-on for me either, so I'm not sure if you're a stick in the mud. (But reading ahead to what Candleshoe and edgyqueen had to say, maybe I'm missing something.) I'm glad you liked their snuggly morning - it was a fun thing to write. Thanks!

[hr]

CaptMurdock

You're quite right, we do go to the restroom in pairs or groups. And I'll tell you a secret - it's to talk about everyone else. Heh. But sometimes, for the lesbos, there is some clandestine smooching as well. And for Candleshoe and edgyqueen, clearly a bit more goes on in there.

Thanks for reading, Cap'n!

[hr]

watty

Hey wattypanties, I'm also glad that three more stories came in. The girls are really racking them up. I was certainly not implying that bathroom sex cannot be enjoyable, fulfilling, or hot - I loved Highland Fling, as you know. Just this particular bathroom was a poor choice of venue, I think. And I, too, have no experience in public restrooms either.

I'm glad you caught the dig at the curtain-dresses. I wasn't sure if the description would be enough for folks to get it, but you always catch these things, watty. Gawd, the Elmo Pelt. I didn't know it was called that at the time but I sure do remember the garment.

Anya's going to be quite pleased, I think.

[hr]

justin

justin, I never thought I'd see the day that you posted the words "anal sex" and "dildos" in a post. Heh! I'm glad you liked the end and also Tara's teasing. And yeah, women's restrooms can be quite dirty, although the times that I've been in the men's rooms I have indeed been horrified.

Thanks for reading, justin!

[hr]

notl33t

Hee, that's something that I've learned while writing UberSmut - it can be pretty boring to write nothing but full-on smut with no variation. Part of the hotness of smut is the buildup, and the girls pretty much already had their buildup in UberCon '05. So it's been necessary to make some of these chapters be humorous or innuendo, just so I want to keep writing them. I'm so glad to hear it made you happy.

are public bathroom situations great as fantasies and perhaps not as great in real life?

Although I'm not experienced in them at all, I'd have to say that my guess is, it depends on who you're with in the bathroom and probably 9 times out of ten the fantasy is better than the reality. Heh.

[hr]

edgyqueen

It's so funny that you say this was the funniest update yet, because it was actually really hard for me to write. I just wasn't feeling it, and it took me a while to write it, get it written, etc. And even when it was done and edited and my beta gave signoff, I kind of thought "I'm sick of this chapter and don't want to take the time to make it any better." So interesting.

I'm very glad to hear that you think I write WT in a "real" way. It makes my day to hear that! And yeah, sometimes trying on god-awful outfits for fun is, uh, fun. Heh. Not that I do it all that much, I don't really like shopping. But I figured that since both our kittenboard and the warriorboard have a bad wardrobe element, it would only be fitting (heh) to include it. Thank you so much!

Now, don't shrink with shame about your confession - see what your confession did? It gave Candleshoe permission to come out as a bathroom sex-haver as well! (Twice?)

[hr]

Candleshoe

Dribbling? Ha! I'm glad I expanded that line; in the first draft it just said "it's not a bell that gets me going." I figured that the laptop and message board thing would make it all the more clear and possibly evocative. Seems like it was for you and watty. Heh.

And if you have a legitimate excuse for missing the Dar Williams concert, then I will accept it. But you need to have a doctor's note. *stern*

Thanks Candleshoe!

[hr]

taralicious

Heh, little rascal. That brings up a classic TV show of a different flavor. (Yeah, I know this is UberSmut but I'm thinking about the Dykes of Hazzard as well.) Funny-shaped waffles - HA! I specifically made them regular shaped.

Yeah, I think that if someone takes all their cues from fan fiction, like if someone decided to have their own "year of yes" with regard to fan fiction, then they would indeed find themselves in interesting and odd situations with regard to gonzo et al.

Thanks as always for your extensive and flowery feedback.

[hr]

Artemis

Yeah, beta-ing UberSmut is a tough job for these two, but it's not without its rewards. I'm sure they would have tried some light bondage at some point, but they seemed to like it, and got the idea from a submission (heh) so it's not all bad.

paralysing-laughter-inducing sighs from contented urinators in the next stall (there's a phrase that doesn't get used much in feedback).

You're right, it doesn't, but a good challenge for someone would be to use the phrase in feedback for five fics other than UberSmut. I challenge you to do it.

Indeed, regular vanilla sex is not at all bad. Variety is the spice of life, but woman and man and woman and woman and man and man do not live on spices alone. It's about balance, all about balance. And yay for chocolate!

[hr]

JustSkipIt

Of course I love this bit. Gee, I wonder who sent you that idea... Can't imagine.

Yeah, I dunno who sent it in either.

A three-pack of "literature?" Heh! So what kind of wet was it, golden shower wet? Tee hee. Do you still have it? If so, please send in a snippet to ubersmut@gmail.com and I will replace the names with "Willow" and "Tara." We can call it, um, Water Sports or something like that. HA!

You know something else I don't get is, why is there so often pee on the floor of the women's bathroom? The men's I get, sort of, but not the women's. Heh. Thanks heaps, Debra!

[hr]

Lucifer

Hey Lucifer, thank you so much for telling me you love the way they're comfortable with each other. Yes, definitely this didn't hurt their relationship. I think it's important to be able to laugh together, and they can, even if Tara gets embarrassed. Thank you!

[FineyMcFine]

[center][/center]
Title: UberSmut
Part: 8
Author: SallyMcFine
Feedback: Please give flowery metaphorical feedback.
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All disclaimers apply.
Thanks: Corey Cook from Down the Rabbit-Hole for the title graphic. Thanks to my uber-licious beta as well.
Setting: Contemporary. Willow, Tara, and their friends all frequent an online message board called The Warrior, The Bard, and the Bad Wardrobe. This is a sequel to UberCon '05.

[hr]
Author's note: this is more of a chapterette than an actual chapter - just a little scene with our girls on a lazy Sunday.

Part 8 - Technically Speaking in Tongues

The rain drummed on the roof and walls outside without showing any signs of letting up, as it had been doing all morning. Tara and Willow were in their pajamas in the living room, while Anya was at the library with her accounting classmates finishing a group project. It was a relaxing way for them to spend a Sunday morning. Tara slouched in a chair in front of the desktop computer that she shared with Anya, while Willow was curled up on the couch with her laptop.

"Xena cupped Gabrielle's pudenda - honestly, 'pudenda'? - and slowly moved her fingers across the slick surface of her vulva."

"Vulva?" said Willow.

"You know, I think that 'vulva' is an underutilized word in fan fiction. Yes, it's an anatomical term, but it's kind of lyrical, don't you think? Say it - vulllllva. Rolls off the tongue."

"But 'pudenda' isn't lyrical."

"No, it's not," said Tara. "This whole sex scene is full of anatomically correct words, though. Maybe it's because it has a gynecologist and her nurse getting it on."

"Read some more."

Tara sat up straighter and continued.

"The walls of Gabrielle's vagina clenched around Xena's fingers. The modified plasma transudate secreted by hundreds of small ducts in the vaginal epithelium allowed her fingers to slide in easily. "That feels so good, Doctor," Gabrielle said. "That's because the friction on the walls of your vagina produces pleasure in the nerve endings, as well as the pressure stimulating your clitoris internally, Nurse."

"Ha!" said Willow.

"Wait, there's more - get this. "You're so smart, Doctor." "That's because I attended four years of medical school and six years of residency plus a fellowship, Nurse."

"Definitely Mary Sue," said Willow. "A med student probably wrote this."

"Or a doctor," said Tara. "But I can't figure out if all the anatomically correct terms are serious, or making fun of fics that use them too much."

"Who can say? Maybe feedbackers will ask. I'll look forward to hearing what the author has to say."

"What story are you reading?" Tara asked.

"It's called Xena Hood and Maid Gabrielle," said Willow. "Here, listen to this."

"Xena Hood untied Maid Gabrielle's bodice, gently unlacing the cord that held her luscious globes captive. The bodice opened with a sigh of relief, it seemed, exposing the creamy flesh inside. She caressed the already-stiff peaks atop the mounds."

"It sounds like a candy bar," Tara said, smiling.

"Yeah. I don't think the word 'breast' is in this fic at all."

"Then the word 'vulva' definitely won't be," said Tara.

Willow scanned further down the page. "Here's the oral sex scene - no vulvas or vaginas are mentioned:"

"Xena Hood inhaled the scent of her lover's womanly aroma. It reminded her of flowers, of the warm dark scent of the forest floor after a hard rain, of rushing streams and lazily drifting rivers, of an oasis in the desert, a secret warm spring in a darkened wood."

"That's quite a description," said Tara.

"Yeah, why don't you ever describe my nether regions that way? But wait, there's more," said Willow. "Xena Hood gently probed the moist channel, the secret pathway to Maid Gabrielle's inner sanctum. The sweet nectar coated her fingers like honey on a bee's proboscis. Gabrielle moaned as the delicious sensation penetrated every corner of her being."

"The moist channel!" Tara said. "That's my favorite channel - well, except for the WB." She walked over to the couch and sat next to Willow, resting her head on the redhead's shoulder.

Willow smooched the top of her head. "You know, it's going to merge with UPN to form a new network, right?"

"Yep - the CW. But as long as they keep Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars, I don't care what they call it."

Willow clicked a few buttons on her laptop, saving the stories to the hard drive. "You know, if you merged these two fics together - the overly-clinical and the extra-flowery language - it might actually form a balanced-smut-language story," she said thoughtfully.

They snuggled closer as Willow went back to reading more snippets to Tara, enjoying their lazy Sunday morning together.

[Lucifer]

lol...anatomically correct versus anatomically lyrical....i know there is a word for this hold on...im in the process of dusting off my brain...euphemisms...there we go...
i wonder what anya would have to say about the terms
the weirdest euphemism i heard was on the L word Dana and Alice mentioned "peeper" as something...but in retrospect i have no idea what they are talking about......

nice ficlet though...write more soon!
(and yay i may be first!)

[Boadecia]

My cup runneth over with gooey schmushy goodness, and that was not a metaphor for my plasma epithethial thingimmy-whats-it getting excited! I love the lazy sunday morning, the mood was perfect: the pajama clad mocking of anatomically correct fics is my favourite part I think. Cant wait for the next installment!

[spells42]

They'd probably be fans of the WTTV channel too.

Lovely little snapshot of a lazy Sunday morning. Seems kinda familiar, except I don't get to share mine with Willow or Tara (sigh).

Anne

[Candleshoe]

Well, no great personal revelations are prompted by this update (phew), but I guffawed at:

"The moist channel!" Tara said. "That's my favorite channel - well, except for the WB."

guffaw (v): the act of laughing in an unrestrained and achingly satisfying way at a pun which springs out of nowhere and takes you by surprise.

[CaptMurdock]

Say it - vulllllva. Rolls off the tongue."

Yeah, I'll bet it does. Heh heh.

Every once in a while, it's nice to have a fic where Our Girls just have a nice talk. Seriously.

Looking forward to the next one.

[WillowRulez]

"Yep - the CW. But as long as they keep Gilmore Girls and Veronica Mars, I don't care what they call it."

Amen lol.
Another hilarious installment

[JustSkipIt]

You just had to get the Moist Channel out there didn't you? More skewering is always good of course.

[arwen276]

Haha! the overly clinical terms were hilarious! I can assure you that I came across a couple of fics like that but which WEREN'T spoofs, let's say they lost their Smutty purpose, they just completely turned me off, maybe it's because I'm a med student too, and the whole thing turned into a gyneco course? hmmm
Keep it up I love your fic!



Incidentally Lucifer,

the weirdest euphemism i heard was on the L word Dana and Alice mentioned "peeper" as something...but in retrospect i have no idea what they are talking about......

That was the first episode in s3, and they were talking about euphemisms and the nether regions, Dana was shy about using 'clit' 'cunt'... and Alice told the group that Dana preferred 'Peeper' and she went on in a hilarious peeper presentation :" oh touch my peeper Al, nobody touches my peeper like you do, look what happens when your peeper touches my peeper it becomes a wet peeper!"
lol

~Arwen

[Grayson]

My favorite line is "why don't you ever describe my nether regions that way?" I think it's unavoidable that fan fiction authors resort to flowery euphemisms that they'd never actually say out loud, but I think I prefer that to the overly clinical language.

My sister took a class on romantic literature over the past few centuries, and when they got to the modern stuff, it was pretty funny. They read some of the trashy romance novels with scantily clad people on the cover, as well as a book on how to write them. It had an Anya-esque list of ways to describe various body parts and actions, and it was pretty dead on to the cliched phrases those books all use (if you're wondering how I know what's in those books, it's because my mother and her sisters and, I believe, their mother, all had TONS of them when I was growing up and passed them around, and I used to sneak around and read the sex scenes - perhaps a girl's version of a boy looking at his dad's Playboy).

OK, I've overshared. Your stories seem to bring that out in people. My point is, good smut is hard to write, and kudos to you and all the others out there who are brave enough to share with us.

This whole story has been a intelligent, humorous take on smut cliches without being mean-spirited. Just funny and dead-on. I can't wait to read the next update.

[SithLordWiccan]

Nice little chapter, Sally. I have to agree with our girls that the use of colorful language can can be interesting and difficult at the same time. I also enjoyed learning more about the fics getting sent in. Can't wait for more.

[edgyqueen]

Willow clicked a few buttons on her laptop, saving the stories to the hard drive. "You know, if you merged these two fics together - the overly-clinical and the extra-flowery language - it might actually form a balanced-smut-language story," she said thoughtfully.

OK, now THAT would be hilarious! Imagine a fic in which the author really did attempt to merge both the clinical and the overly euphemistic language approaches. That would be so incredibly bizarre!!!

Hey! Maybe that could be a new solution to the pronoun challenge in lesbian sex scenes. One character could think and speak clilnically, while the other would be entirely euphemistic. Then readers would always know who was the do-er and who was the do-ee, and authors wouldn't have to resort to always talking about "the blonde" and "the redhead". HA! (I just DARE someone to try this... it would be SO freakin' funny!)

I loved this little chapterette, Sally... it was warm, entertaining, and witty as usual. This is exactly how my girlfriend and I love to spend lazy Sundays. What a lovely little glimpse of the girls just hangin' out. I'm thoroughly enjoying this story, and I look forward to each and every update. It's obvious you put an incredible amount of thought and effort into your writing. (Unless you're just so unbelievably talented that you can simply sit down and crank out this wonderful material without a second thought!) Thanks for your time and energy. You are appreciated!

[justin]

That was brilliant.

Would it be redundant to say that it was as funny as hell? Oh well I'll say it anyway. That update was funny as hell

So vulva's (at first I read that as volvo ) roll off the tongue do they? That sounds like something I should remember for future application *makes note*

I loved the overly flowery description with Xena exploring Gabrielle's moist channel to find her inner sanctory. That's not really something you read in many fics.

Looking forward to more

[watty]

I chuckle at how this fic has brought out the confessional in people. Loos and showers and microphone-shaped soap bars? Holy Boinking Methods, Batman!

A nice little Sunday chapterette, Sallypants. Nothing like a bit of smut reading to while away the lazy Sunday blues. Total chuckles at the clinical description of the sex act, it is like the writer is trying to write a academic paper or instruction manual. It's as romantic as reading about how to change the tires on your car, IMO.

Then you give us the complete opposite, the metaphor-ridden composition that leads to the same type of reaction when we hear bad poetry -- sniggers. Oh how writers hates us readers. Never satisfied.

Okay, writing smut isn't easy, so I shouldn't mock. It's like all forms of writing, we saying a little about ourselves in our stories, even though it may be our real personality or just desires / fantasies / imagination. Smut takes those desires / fantasies / imagination to a more intense level, because sex is more intense. Achieving a balance between the clinical and the flowery is hard, not all of us get it right all the time either.

Enough rambling, I should probably take this over to the so you wanna post some fanfic... thread.

Looking forward to the next smuttastic update.
[br]

[Artemis]

Hee! I love the clinically-accurate smut, and Tara's right, 'vulva' sounds damn good. But I was thinking about her (or Lucy Lawless, for that matter) purring that dialogue, and suddenly even 'epithelium' starts to sound good. I fear there's no saving 'pudenda' though - it's just three sharp syllables by nature, and that makes it very difficult to purr sexily. Ideal for a Dalek to bark, though - I can just imagine them rolling around electronically shouting 'pu-den-da!' at each other. That's a weird thought. Odd, I'm not actually sleep-deprived at the moment... it's probably just the mood of the chapterette. I love the lazy, fun, Sunday-morning-in-the-rain lying-around-making-each-other-laugh feel of it. It's just cozy, and everyday, and... really, really sweet.

[CaptMurdock]

My sister took a class on romantic literature over the past few centuries,

And I thought my college classes were interminable

and when they got to the modern stuff, it was pretty funny. They read some of the trashy romance novels with scantily clad people on the cover, as well as a book on how to write them. It had an Anya-esque list of ways to describe various body parts and actions, and it was pretty dead on to the cliched phrases those books all use (if you're wondering how I know what's in those books, it's because my mother and her sisters and, I believe, their mother, all had TONS of them when I was growing up and passed them around, and I used to sneak around and read the sex scenes - perhaps a girl's version of a boy looking at his dad's Playboy).
.

Oh yeah. A good friend of mine (former lover, still good friend) had/has a jones for trashy bodice-rippers. I used to love to pretend-read out loud lines from these Fabio-covered smutbooks...

"Her fingers trembled as she undid her blouse and let it fall to the floor..."

"His nostrils flared! Her nostrils flared! Everything flared!"

"'My shorts!' cried the Senator as he ran from the room."

.

,,,,

No wonder she broke up with me...

[taralicious]

Sally,
As a short digression before feedback on this update, thanks to Chris's comment about Dalek pronunciation, I now have this image in my head of the lone Dalek rolling around the underground Utah bunker in the new series barking out the phrase "ROSE TYLER, SHOW ME YOUR PU-DEN-DA!"
As to the linguistical aesthetics of vulva, I have to concur that it has a lyrical quality about it, a word that one can roll around around the tongue and savor like Willow's strawberry essence or Tara's vanilla fragrance.

The walls of Gabrielle's vagina clenched around Xena's fingers. The modified plasma transudate secreted by hundreds of small ducts in the vaginal epithelium allowed her fingers to slide in easily. "That feels so good, Doctor," Gabrielle said. "That's because the friction on the walls of your vagina produces pleasure in the nerve endings, as well as the pressure stimulating your clitoris internally, Nurse

That scene reminded me of the "Seinfeld" episode where Elaine is sitting in the car with the doctor and he has the antiseptic cloth over her tongue explaining to her about the physical components of it.
Then when he goes to kiss her, she is grossed out by all of the clinical detail and refuses.
Xena Hood and Maid Marian, on the other hand,-sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Almond Joy's got nuts Mounds don't.
Well, they never feel like a nut, or nutsac more specific but nevertheless, it does sound like a candy bar.
Ah, the CW. With 13 hours of programming to fill, and only Smallville, Gilmore Girls, and Veronica Mars for established series, they could do worse than commissioning a pilot based upon the hybrid clinical/flowery language scenario.
The opening narration could go as follows:
Willow:"I was sitting on the veranda entwining my fingers in Tara's pudenda when an army of Daleks hovered into view shouting "HALT! WE MUST EXTERMINATE ALL USAGE OF CLINICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE FEMALE SEXUAL ORGANS"

[FineyMcFine]

Lucifer

Euphemisms, yes! I think Anya would have a lot to say about the terms - she did a workshop at UberCon '05 called "New Names for Naughty Bits" because she thought people didn't get creative enough with the different names. Although I'm not sure that her one-pager would be helpful here.

Thanks Lucifer, glad you enjoyed this little wee installment!

[hr]

Boadecia

Thanks for the clarification about which cup of yours was running over, Boadecia. I learned quite a bit actually while looking up the correct name of the plasma thingy in Wikipedia - writing this story and this particular chapter was a good education for me. I'm very glad you liked the lazy Sunday fic, my Sundays are usually lazy and pajama-clad so there might have been a little Mary Sue in there. Thanks!

[hr]

spells42

You're right, I'm sure they'd be fans of WTTV, once they got over the shock at having characters named Willow and Tara be the subject of the fics. And yay for lazy Sundays (and Saturdays too for that matter, although I am up early this particular Saturday on a plane). And through fanfic, we can all share our Sundays with Willow or Tara (or heck, both!). Thanks Anne.

[hr]

Candleshoe

No personal revelations? Aw, I was enjoying the trip down memory lane. It was giving me an idea for a new fic called Loos I Have Known. Oh well, maybe next time. Glad you guffawed at the moist channel joke. I love The Moist Channel. And puns. And laughter. Thanks Shoe!

[hr]

CaptMurdock

O Captain my Captain, I knew that someone would catch the old rolls of the tongue entendre. That Tara is a naughty vixen. And yeah, I agree - the girls have to have a talk every now and then, I enjoy reading it and writing it muchly. Woman does not live by smut alone.

[hr]

WillowRulez

Amen - gotta keep GG and VM, as my wife and I call them. I think that Tara's comments were a little bit Mary Sue as well, since I'm quite concerned that two of my favorite shows continue on this new network. Glad you liked the installment, thanks!

[hr]

JustSkipIt

Of course I had to get the Moist Channel out there - my Tivo is filled with nothing but the Moist Channel! Give me a joke and rest assured that I'll use it, Deb. Eventually.

[hr]

arwen276

I imagine that a med student would probably want to avoid overly clinical terms and smut at all times, much the same way that lawyers don't like shows about lawyers, eh? My sister is a doctor and she doesn't really like TV shows like ER or Gray's Anatomy. Thanks for the kind comments!

[hr]

Grayson

I think I prefer euphemisms to overly clinical as well, but the challenge as always is to keep finding fresh ways of saying the same thing. The best is when it's not forced and the characters help to lead the smut, rather than trying to force oneself into writing smut because it must get done, which is a little bit how I've been feeling about a couple of the chapters in this story in the first drafts.

Okay, mental note: Grayson reads a lot of Harlequin romances on a regular basis and has made up a story about her sister and her mother and aunts about trashy romance novels and sex scenes in order to cover up her habit. Check. But seriously, my sisters and I did the same thing growing up - Judy Blume's Forever is a novel that comes to mind.

Thanks for saying this story is not mean-spirited - I really really hope it doesn't come across as mean-spirited, because it's not meant that way at all. I love fan fiction and the people who are brave enough to write it and put themselves out there and this skewering, as JustSkipIt calls it, is meant to be an affectionate teasing. Thanks Grayson!

[hr]

SithLordWiccan

Thanks Sith! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed learning more about the fics that are sent in. Chapter 10 will hopefully be a nice little treat for you, then. But first I have to get through Chapter 9, which is a bit of a writer's block for me right now. I hope to have it up next week.

[hr]

edgyqueen

OK, now THAT would be hilarious! Imagine a fic in which the author really did attempt to merge both the clinical and the overly euphemistic language approaches. That would be so incredibly bizarre!!!

Speaking of oversharing, my wife and I tried to merge overly clinical and overly euphemistic language together the other night while smooching and such, and we laughed so hard that we almost killed the mood. (But not totally...) [/TMI]

That's a great idea about the pronoun changes. I also read an idea once where everything Willow did could be in orange, and everything Tara did could be in yellow (to match their hair colors). Hee hee. We should have a fic challenge where it's smut and you can't say their names or "the redhead and the blonde" and leave it up to people to figure out how to convey the information visually. Ha!

I'm glad to hear both that you loved the chapterette and that you and your girlfriend spend lazy Sundays this way. So do me and my wife! It reminds me of a cartoon I saw once of a man reading the newspaper to his wife and the caption was "Hey, they've isolated the gene that makes people read out loud from the newspaper!" Heh. And many many thanks for your ultra-kind words about thought and effort into the writing. It's definitely a labor of love - sometimes it feels like things get cranked out easily and other times I struggle and feel like I have no ideas. But my beta is always quite helpful and she, the pajama-clad woman herself, also deserves a ton of credit, so I'll share your praise with her. Thank you.

[hr]

justin

Hee hee, funny as hell! I don't imagine hell is that funny, so that just goes to show we can't take euphemisms too literally. Also "funny as shit" cracks me up when I hear it. And LOL about vulva/Volvo - I don't imagine that a Volvo rolls off the tongue very easily or pleasantly.

And yeah, some of the language I put in there is a little over the top to make the point for humor's sake. If anyone has described the internal secret warm cave of a woman's hoo-hoo as an inner sanctum, I haven't read it yet. Thanks justin.

[hr]

watty

True Confessions! And yeah, smut reading on a Sunday. Could be sacrilege for some, while for others it's their actual religion. (See: Anya.)

Changing tires on a car? Eh? That's what AAA or Jiffy Lube is for. PS - Jiffy Lube has the most humorous name. Sorry for the American references. Writing smut is hard, definitely - one has to get over the embarrassed factor, and figure out how to make it real and not clichéd, and all that. I fear there's a bit of Mary Sue in my smut writing here and there, but don't tell anyone, okay?

Many thanks, watty - and I'll see you soon!

[hr]

Artemis

LUCY LAWLESS purring that dialogue - YUMMY. The wifey and I just watched Battlestar Galactica last night, the episode where Lucy first appears, and wow. Epithelium is a neat word, in fact. I think that there are two parts of words that make them sound good or appealing when it comes to smut - the alliteration, assonance, and sibilance, and then also the connotation. Pudenda could be good since it connotes pudding (at least in my mind) but then again, the sharp and harsh syllablage makes it not so lyrical.

What is a Dalek? I suppose I could Google it or look it up on the Wikipedia.

Thanks so much, Chris - the sweet lazy rainy Sunday with no stress and no pressing engagements was exactly what I was trying to convey. PS: vulva!

[hr]

taralicious

That's funny, that Seinfeld episode - I remember that one. Also, I cannot believe you used the word "nutsac" in a fb reply about these two. LOL

Hm, that's a thought for the CW - maybe I will send them a few chapters of UberSmut and propose a new series based on fan fiction and smut and all its variations. It could be an excellent guest starring opportunity for all kinds of people from other shows. Heh. Thanks Blayne.

[tarawhipped]

I fear there's no saving 'pudenda' though - it's just three sharp syllables by nature, and that makes it very difficult to purr sexily. Ideal for a Dalek to bark, though - I can just imagine them rolling around electronically shouting 'pu-den-da!' at each other.

What is a Dalek? I suppose I could Google it or look it up on the Wikipedia.

Allow me, Sally. Daleks are from Doctor Who. Think of a large black trashcan on wheels, with a blaster attached, and a tinny monotone voice that repeatedly screams "ex-ter-min-ate! ex-ter-min-ate!"

I have to say, you lose major geek cred points for not knowing this, but right now I'm too busy looking into therapists in Australia for Chris to chastise you properly.

Oh yeah, and the update was fucking awesome. Well, except that reading phrases like "The modified plasma transudate secreted by hundreds of small ducts in the vaginal epithelium" makes me never want to have sex again, even if I do know that's just fancy talk for "she got wet." I like the point Tara made that's it's sometimes hard to tell if a writer is being serious or facetious in certain language use.

As in all things, balance seems the best bet, and reading the two extremes make it all the more apparent that you're an extremely balanced person, unlike some other people (eyes Chris nervously).

-Cam

[SithLordWiccan]

Chapter 10 will hopefully be a nice little treat for you, then.

This week's looking up. Thursday, birthday. Saturday morning, free comic. Saturday afternoon, story update.

*insert evil type canned laughter here*

[FineyMcFine]

tarawhipped

Allow me, Sally. Daleks are from Doctor Who. Think of a large black trashcan on wheels, with a blaster attached, and a tinny monotone voice that repeatedly screams "ex-ter-min-ate! ex-ter-min-ate!"

Thanks Cam! I've been exposed as not being a complete and total geek. Alas. I know that Dr. Who is the last Rubicon to cross in terms of geek-dom. I just can't quite get into that show, mostly because I spend the whole time saying stuff like "Dr. WHO?" Heh.

Haw, thanks for your profane and complimentary comments about the update. "She got wet," indeed. That author could have taken a hint that brevity is the soul of wit. Who said that, Mark Twain?

Anyhoo, balance is definitely the best bet and your insight is very keen to have zeroed in on this hidden moral in the update. Cam, you must be a balanced person as well. Let's congratulate each other and exchange olivewood Gaia statues. Hope you found a good therapist for Chris.

PS - pu-den-da.

[binky]

Sally!

[ramble mode] Sorry it took a while to get here. I decided to re-acquaint myself with some of the first chapters and I, um, got distracted.

I came across my comment after the second chapter (ahem) promising more meaningful feedback than the throw-away line about all the sex killing the characters and, okay, I was being a smart aleck, but you know, it was a valid from-the-hip-(so-to-speak), just-read-the-title reaction to the premise of your tale, especially after chapter 2, with the start-to-finish pulse-raising girl-on-girl action and Tara taking the captain’s chair (make it so! Make it so!). The do-they-ever-get-out-of-bed, how-many-different-ways-can-they-do-it? smirk was wiped off my face pretty quickly. But it wasn’t a surprise, though, that there’s so much more to the story than just the sex.

First, kudos again on the premise of researching the top-secret Anya project. It’s really such a clever way to dwell repeatedly on one of our favorite topics, not that a plot is necessary for smut, but I always prefer there be one.

Second, for the smut—that kind of took me by surprise to be honest. I don’t think I’d read any from you before. If I remember UberCon right, that was strictly PG. Plus the cute atoms and the PacMan story, which okay, was about eating, but strictly in a metaphorical way… But then chapter 2, then 3 right after, dear lord, Sally, you’ll end up breaking them! Ahem... But it was very well written. I know how tough writing smut is (at least I find it so) so color me impressed.

So much variety, to the sexual hijinks, of course, but also to the context of all the sex. It goes a way to answering the question, why two people (or more, though probably not these two) of whatever gender rub body parts together when no issue will be, um issued from it. Yeah, it feels good. Definitely that. But it’s also about knowing someone else, intimacy and being vulnerable with them and not regretting it, possession, and pride, i.e., coming so hard you’re willing to forgive your partner’s smug expression because they really did earn it, etc.

Oh jeez I just spaced.

Anyway, the naughty stuff is smuttastic but it’s clear there’s always an emotional context to all the rubbing. Interesting that a lot of that context is expressed in humor. That does bring up the point as to what wouldn’t really fit into the premise of UberSMUT W/T. I mean, what doesn’t “fit” this particular couple. Like the kink chapter—Debra’s point and your response about the safeword—hard to imagine these two in their UberSmut incarnation being really hardcore in that scene. I liked how you handled it. They are just amateurs who are playing in the interest of being thorough with their research. Or more recently, anal—I was laughing my, uh, ass off at the Willow comment when Tara was in the general area of her netherrealms. Oh, but this is Uber.

What else would be off-limits? Maybe anonymous sex, and, no to group, though there’s probably a workaround for any scenario in the interest of being thorough in the research. I mean, this is Willow we’re talking about. Please. For group, I’m thinking mirrors, or video. Please. Anonymous sex – I guess the pizza delivery scene was a pseudo version, though it was so funny and doomed to failure, I wouldn’t mind seeing a more serious attempt at role-playing. Please. I remember this story, for the life of me I can’t remember the author, set during the breakup period but obviously AU, and for the first couple of chapters, it was from the individual characters’ POV but it was presented like the two were strangers. Anyway, it was an interesting take, even if it didn’t feel true to the characters to me.

I also like that not all their experiments are successful (though the toy scene—rowr. That went well. Really well). The failed attempts at public fooling around were hilarious. Again, very credible. Plus linking the chapters through the plotline of UberSmut—it really does have a bit of a Canterbury Tales feel to it. Different kind of pilgrimage, though. Temple of Venus, more like. Or Aphrodite.

What else do I like about this story? It’s a writer’s fic. The kinds of stuff you’ve gone through so far are the stuff of the beta sex! thread. So much to learn. Anyway, thanks Sally. I’m really enjoying being the voyeur here, not just to the, um, W/T calisthenics (I do believe I’m going to use up all the euphemisms for sex I have stored up, plus make up some more just to pace myself for UberSmut), but also what you’re doing as the writer.

Keep it comin’--or cummin’. Uh, okay, just comin’.

binky

[FineyMcFine]

binky

Hiya binks! I first want to say thank you for such long feedback with such attention to detail. And as always, you don't need to apologize - feedback at any time is welcome.

Your comments at the beginning about killing the characters with sex actually have made me think - if I had had this whole story written and had been revising it, I would have done a couple of things differently. The first would be to change up Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 to space out the hot gay lovin' from the funny mishaps when attemping gay lovin'. And the second - well, I'll tell you what it is after the story is done because otherwise it would be a little spoilerish.

But yeah. Certainly much more to the story than the sex. I prefer a plot too. I feel like this story has half a plot. But all in all I've been quite happy writing it. The next story, though, is going to be quite plot-focused and not in the UberVerse. I need some plot in my life, so I'm plotting how to get it. (Ha, that wasn't even funny.)

And thank you also for your extremely insightful comments about UberSmut being a writer's fic. It warms my heart to know that you're getting that from the story and noticing it, more than I can say! And hopefully the next chapter will be, uh, coming soon.

[justin]

That author could have taken a hint that brevity is the soul of wit. Who said that, Mark Twain?

Never being one to pass a chance to be a know it all it was actually Lord Polonius from the play Hamlet.

[blockquote]Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,
And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,
I will be brief. Your noble son is mad.[/blockquote]

The funny thing about the quote is that Polonius is a major windbag, given to long, rambling speeches.

[FineyMcFine]

[center][/center]
Title: UberSmut
Part: 9
Author: SallyMcFine
Feedback: Yes! Yes! Oh, yes!
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: All disclaimers apply.
Thanks: Corey Cook from Down the Rabbit-Hole for the title graphic. And thanks to my beta, Mrs. McFine, for helping me SO much with this chapter and even writing some of it when I was stuck. Every day you make my wildest dreams come true.
Setting: Contemporary. Willow, Tara, and their friends all frequent an online message board called The Warrior, The Bard, and the Bad Wardrobe. This is a sequel to UberCon '05.

[hr]

Part 9 - Endurance

"Oh GOD, Tara!" Willow cried, straining. She grabbed fistfuls of the sheets, and the corners of the fitted sheets came untucked as she pulled involuntarily, desperate for release.

Tara kept her mouth firmly in place, moving her head with the twisting and bucking of Willow's hips. Her arms were wrapped firmly around Willow's thighs as she continued the steady ministrations.

Willow felt almost out of her mind with the need to come. Her mind wasn't focused on anything at all right now except the delicious, sweet sensations of Tara's tongue. Her sex felt swollen, engorged, but the peak of orgasm kept dancing maddeningly away. Each time she felt herself approaching the edge, it crept back just enough to leave her frustrated - but not enough to give up.

Tara could sense her girlfriend's frenzy - even beyond her panting and moaning, she could feel the emotion, the need that seemed to be pouring off her in waves. She wasn't teasing Willow at all - rather, for the last few minutes she had been doing her absolute best to ease her girlfriend's frustrations. But after three orgasms already today, Tara wasn't surprised that it was taking Willow longer than usual.

Earlier that morning...

[blockquote]"I can't believe tomorrow is Anya's birthday," said Willow as she deposited her backpack on the couch in Tara's apartment.

"I know, it'll be weird not reading a new smutty story every day," said Tara from the kitchen. "I'm making mushroom soup and grilled cheeses for lunch. Is that OK?"

"My favorite," Willow responded, entering the kitchen and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend as she planted a kiss behind her ear. "Do we have any plans today? Besides this delicious lunch?"

"Nope. Anya's having a date with Xander." Tara stopped stirring and turned around, giving Willow a kiss hello.

"And Buffy's in LA tonight - but don't worry, she and Angel will both be back tomorrow for Anya's birthday dinner."

"And the unveiling of her present," Tara responded with a flirty smile.

[center]-----------------------------------------------------[/center]

"I think we got our last submission today - number 21. It's a long one. Do you want to read it together?"

"Sure," Tara replied, as she put the last dish in the dishwasher.

Willow booted up the laptop and sat down on the couch. She smiled up at her girlfriend and patted the cushion next to her. Tara sat down, feeling reflective, and leaned her head on Willow's shoulder.

"You know," she said, "UberSmut has given us a lot of new ideas...in the boudoir."

"And out of the boudoir," Willow said. "Like in the mall."

"I said I was sorry."

Willow laughed. "But just to show you that I don't hold a grudge, how about this - this last story, whatever it is, whatever crazy scenario, we'll do it."

Tara raised her eyebrows. "Even if it's..."

Willow nodded. "Anything. A blind hand, as the poker players say."

"And we'll go out with a bang."

Willow groaned. "How about you leave the humor to me."

Tara planted a soft kiss on Willow's neck.

"Okay, baby. Humor's all yours. Kissing is mine."
Willow grinned and clicked on the story. They read together in silence for several minutes - the story was over 10,000 words long.

When they finished, Willow exhaled and leaned back on the couch.

"Wow. That's a lot of sex."

Tara's mouth quirked with amusement. "I agree. I guess it's good that we don't have any plans."

Willow nodded. "Shall we get to it, then?" She put the laptop on the coffee table and turned to Tara.

"What a romantic proposition! But if we're going to stick to the story, we should be in the kitchen - that's where Xena the unusually sexy plumber and Gabrielle the scantily clad homeowner started."

Willow grinned. "Can I suggest the bedroom as a more comfortable alternative?" She batted her eyes.

"Good idea. We've learned following the script too closely can be dangerous to our health," Tara replied, remembering Willow's fall off the couch.

Despite their banter, they shed their clothes rapidly and were all over each other the moment they stepped into the bedroom. In keeping with the story, they dispensed with most of the foreplay, and Willow was soon settled naked on top of Tara, her arms wrapped around Tara's thighs, balancing herself on her knees above her girlfriend's head.

They had of course been in this position before. Sometimes it was all that Willow wanted, consuming and being consumed by her girlfriend at the same time. But other times Willow found that she was concentrating so much on what she was doing, and trying to read Tara's reactions, that she completely forgot to focus on what was happening to her.

This wasn't one of those times, however. Today they were totally in sync, probably because of the story they had read and their separation during the week. Willow felt that every loving action she performed was reflected right back to her, and Tara's moans and cries only added to her ardor. Her legs began to tremble, as she neared the brink, and she could tell that Tara was close too from her sounds. She tried to hold off, wanting them to come together, but couldn't. She raised her head as she cried out with the force of the feeling.

Calming down, she returned to Tara's sex, and a few well-placed attentions soon brought Tara to orgasm as well. Willow kept her mouth on Tara as the last spasms subsided, and kissed her inner thigh.

"Sorry it wasn't quite together," Tara said breathlessly.

"Don't even worry about that," Willow said, going back for more.

Tara shifted uncomfortably. "Um, honey, I think I need a minute."

"No problem - sorry." Willow attempted to move from her position atop Tara but was halted by the firm grasp on her thigh.

"Just because I need a minute doesn't mean you have to take one too. If you don't want to," Tara purred, and began making good on her offer before Willow had a chance to respond. A gasp was her reply.

"I'll take those incoherent noises to mean yes," Tara paused.

"Yes, absolutely - just don't stop anymore," Willow managed to pant before losing her powers of speech again.

Willow had read plenty about multiple orgasms but had never experienced them. She wasn't sure whether this qualified or not, considering the small break, but it certainly felt different than before. She felt almost immediately like she was on the edge of an orgasm, and soon she sailed almost effortlessly from buildup to release, which felt more intense than her first. She rested her forehead on the bed between Tara's legs as she rode out the spasms.

She rolled over onto her right shoulder, collapsing onto the bed, and kissed the top of Tara's thigh. "Wow," she said. "That was amazing."

Tara smiled down at her. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Ah," said Willow, relaxing further. "I don't think 'enjoy' begins to sum it up. I feel like a puddle of jello."

Tara kissed her ankle in reply.

"And how about you?" Willow asked. "Have you had enough time to recover yet?"

"Oh, I think so," Tara said with a smile. "You being so sexy helps, of course."

Willow sat up and rearranged herself on the bed so she was propped on her elbows between Tara's legs. "I do what I can."

"Well, then, do me."

Willow complied, lowering her head. This time she added her fingers to the mix, knowing how much Tara enjoyed that, and soon her girlfriend was responding with the same incoherent moans Willow had been producing minutes before.

As Tara came down from her high, Willow crawled up her body, wrapping her arms around the blonde and kissing her gently. She settled her head into the hollow of Tara's shoulder, and they relaxed together, breathing in unison, until they drifted off.

Some minutes later, Tara awoke. She shifted slightly, trying not to wake Willow, but the leg her girlfriend had slung across her in her sleep had landed in just the wrong place, and Tara reluctantly slid out from under it and headed towards the bathroom.

When she returned, Willow was still dozing, so she tried to slip into the bed unnoticed.

As she pulled the covers over herself, Willow stirred.

"Mm, did we fall asleep?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think you wore me out. You can go back to sleep if you want, baby."

Willow rolled onto her elbow and raised an eyebrow, "You know, we're not even halfway done with our beta-test."

Tara's tone was serious. "We don't have to follow the story to the letter, sweetie. It's not a chore we have to accomplish."

Willow rushed to explain. "I know it's not a contest - I love you and I want to be with you. These stories are just an excuse to do that. Sure, they've given us some great new ideas and added some spice, but I imagine we'd have been doing most of this on our own even without them."

"Even the eggs?" Tara asked with an impish grin.

"Especially the eggs," Willow answered, running her fingers up and down Tara's arm.

Tara shivered. "You're right. Having sex with you multiple times in a day could never be a chore."

She leaned in and kissed Willow, slowly at first, then more intensely. Willow responded, pulling Tara in closer and burying her hand in Tara's hair. Tara's hand moved to Willow's breast, her fingers dancing lightly on the soft flesh. Willow moaned into her mouth as Tara finally stroked her nipple. Tara pushed Willow onto her back and began kissing her neck, her ear, her shoulder.

"I love that, baby," Willow murmured as Tara worked her way down the redhead's body, kissing first one breast, then the other.

"I love doing it," Tara responded, taking a nipple into her mouth and flicking her tongue across it.

There were no more words. Willow, anticipating Tara's next move, opened her legs to capture one of Tara's between them. She grasped Tara's bottom and encouraged her to move against her. Tara shifted back up towards the head of the bed, kissing Willow deeply. They moved in sync, their rhythm increasing as they thrust harder. As their breath quickened and the sensations intensified, Tara moved her hand down to Willow's center. Willow mirrored her actions.

Both found that their fingers slid into each other easily, coating themselves with the lubrication from their previous lovemaking. Tara circled Willow's clitoris with her fingers, smiling in satisfaction as she heard her sharp intake of breath. Willow followed suit and it was Tara's turn to hiss with pleasure.

After several minutes of the delicious, sweet buildup, Willow spoke. "It didn't - oh! - take Xena and Gabrielle this long in the story."

"Well, they're just characters, and the story is...mmm...fiction. In real life people don't usually have this many orgasms this quickly."

"How do you know?"

"Good point. Oh, GOD!"

Tara felt warmth building in her lower belly. Willow's fingers seemed to be everywhere on and in her sex, weaving a web of sensation that grew more layered and rich with each passing second. Simultaneously gentle and firm, caressing and thrusting - it was both torturous and passionate. She clenched her teeth as the frenzy reached its peak, somehow managing to keep her own fingers moving, as she and Willow came together, both almost sobbing with relief. They clung to each other as they came back down to earth.

"It seems to be taking longer each time," Tara murmured, kissing Willow's cheek and tucking a sweaty tendril of hair behind her ear.

"Well, that's normal," said Willow.

"And how do you know that, Ms. Knows-so-much-about-orgasms?"

Willow blushed. "Haven't you ever - you know..."

"What?"

"YOU know."

"Masturbated? Of course I have."

"Jeez, do you have to say it?"

"Of course. Why are you so embarrassed? If you can do it, you should be able to talk about it."

"Oh, it's not that I can't talk about it. I just don't like that word."

"Masturbate?"

"Jeez! No, I don't like the way it sounds. It sounds so...clinical, and weird. But anyway, not the point. Haven't you ever tried to see how many you could have in one day?"

Tara considered this. "Well, I guess I haven't. I've just, you know, done it, and that was that. I take it you have?"

"Yes," said Willow. "For research purposes. In the name of science. It was in high school."

"And what did your scientific research yield?" Tara suppressed a giggle.

"Four. I think I could have had more, but Xander came over to visit unexpectedly. He always had the worst timing. But anyway, each time took longer, which was interesting."

"I guess it makes sense, though," said Tara. "But you know, we haven't even surpassed your own record yet." She gave Willow a sultry smile and rolled over with lascivious intent.

"Oh, my," said Willow.[/blockquote]

Yes, after three orgasms, Tara wasn't at all surprised that it seemed to be taking Willow longer than usual. She was just worried that eventually her attentions would become more painful than pleasurable.

It appeared that she didn't have to worry about that, though. Willow's body tensed and Tara sensed that she was holding her breath. Encouraged, she slid in a finger inside Willow. She was rewarded by an "Oh, god, Tara, oh god oh god" as Willow finally came. She felt, as she usually did at these moments, a mixture of feelings: love and tenderness for Willow, concentration to make sure she kept her mouth in the right place, and a bit of pride, too, that she, Tara, was responsible for causing this intense reaction in someone so precious to her, so amazing, as Willow.

Willow collapsed back onto the sheets and reached out mutely for Tara with open arms. Tara scrambled up to embrace her, kissing her cheeks and neck and finally her lips.

As Willow's breathing slowed, she kissed Tara again.

"I know I just keep saying wow, but...wow."

Tara hugged her. "I love you."

"I love you too." Willow paused. "Do you want to..."

"Not on your life!" Tara replied, laughing. "I don't think I could manage again - could you?"

"I doubt it," Willow said. "That last time wore me out for days, I think. And honestly...I'm feeling a little overly sensitive down there, now."

"Me too - I was already after the third time."

"Do you think anyone does it as much in real life as they do in that story?"

Tara thought about it. "I'm sure that some people do, but I'd guess the majority of people don't have six orgasms in two hours with a plumber they just met."

"I'm glad," said Willow. "Because as fun as this was, I don't think I could do it every day."

"Me neither. But if I did, I'd always want it to be with you."

"Me too. Of course."

"Should we get up and get some dinner?"

"I'm way too tired to even think about it."

They snuggled closer, pulling the covers around them, and whispered a few more words of love as they drifted off to sleep.

[watty]

Because I'm in a crapola mood and without any means to amuse myself except ... to create the amusement myself ... dibs.

ETA: better mood today, thanks pal.

I was thinking of the update and it occurred to me that in the hands of lesser writers and lesser heroines, the idea of acting out smutty scenes that one reads from fanfic submissions might be a little, um, tacky. But like I said, lesser writers and lesser heroines. Your portrayal of the lovebirds is anything but tacky. There's so much love and playfulness in the way they approach the project.

"Wow. That's a lot of sex."

I'm not known for my egoistic ways but for a moment I thought they'll reveal that the submission was in fact Highland Fling, heehee. But I digress. I chuckle at Willow's research and can imagine her writing a scentific paper entitled "On Achieving the Maximum Orgasmatic Outcome in a 24-hour Observation Window." You might have expected it but no, I haven't done equivalent research, but I can picture Willow trying to google it, and even experimenting herself. Damn that Xander! Oh, a little OT. I tried googling "maximum orgasms in one day" but the results weren't useful. It did however remind me of a documentary I saw on TV once, where a woman had sex with 251 men in 10-ish hours on camera. IIRC, when asked if she had many orgasms she replied "a few." What strikes me is that she seemed to be more in pain during the whole process.

Now, what's my point? (On my head?) What I'm trying to say is that we see that it's quality not quantity that matters. I love the way Tara says

"We don't have to follow the story to the letter, sweetie. It's not a chore we have to accomplish."

but then follows with

"You're right. Having sex with you multiple times in a day could never be a chore."

How much can we love Tara? Much much much.

And finally, in honor of poker sunday, I must mention this:

"Anything. A blind hand, as the poker players say."

"And we'll go out with a bang."

Willow groaned. "How about you leave the humor to me."

Is it bad of me that I can actually hear you say that, Sally the Pun? Take care, dude.
[br]