Bisexual or really gay? Opinions thread

[guitarchic]

I am just wondering what public opinion is on this?

I consider myself bi-sexual although I have only slept with men.

I consider women as a whole a lot sexier...but I find some men attractive too.

Would you consider me gay and just too afraid to admit it? Confused? OR bi-sexual and that's it.

I am curious to hear opinions.

Thanks, your fellow kitten lover, Lisa Michelle

[Darth Pacula]

Okay, warning: This is the opinion of a straight guy, so it might be worth less than horse shit.

Gay, bi-sexual ... does it matter? It's just a label. It's the person you love that matters. Everything else is just details, and while the devil is in the details, who cares what that pointy-tailed red git thinks?

Think whatever you like about yourself. Don't feel that you have to have a label as to the status of your sexual orientation. Because the only people that should matter to is you, and whoever you want to bump uglies with.

Besides, who doesn't think women are sexier than men? I sure as hell don't.

Cheers,
Paul.

[billy]

I consider myself bi-sexual although I have only slept with men.

I consider women as a whole a lot sexier...but I find some men attractive too.

Would you consider me gay and just too afraid to admit it? Confused? OR bi-sexual and that's it.

That's interesting. I'm a bisexual guy and also prefer women a lot more than men, but have only had boyfriends, including a 12 year marriage to another guy, in fact the only women I've ever kissed have been friends. At various times in my life I've called myself Straightish, Gayish and Bi, and as Paul said they're only labels, but there's nothing wrong with labelling yourself if that's what you prefer.

I've heard quite a few people tell me that I'm gay but afraid to accept it. All I can say to that is that I know what I feel and when I look at a sexy woman I know I'm not gay.

[notl33t]

Hmm . . . good question. I am a completely and unabashedly bisexual woman, but this doesn't mean I'll be able to answer your question any better than anyone else.

Sexual experiences are extended into a person's head. That's where most of sex happens. If I've been sleeping with a man, but thinking about a woman: bisexual sexual experience. And vice versa. So, in that general case, bisexual.

Romantic relationships are extended into a person's real life. If I've been not just fantasizing about, but having a romantic relationship with a man: heterosexual romantic experience. If I've been not just fantasizing about, but having a romantic relationship with a woman: homosexual romantic experience.

So, if we talk romance, you are straight. If we talk about sex, you are bisexual. This is how the world will categorize you based on your experiences.

In general, don't worry about the distinction too much. It means very little. Don't place yourself in a box and then freak out if its too small to hold who you are. I thought I was straight and narrow for a very long time, and freaked out when I had my first homosexual experience. I thought I was totally lesbian, and freaked out when I had my first (after a while) heterosexual experience. The labels and boxes I placed myself in only caused me extra grief.

-Noe

[oneyedchicklet]

I consider myself to be a bisexual woman. I've had relationships with both men and women. I was married to a man for 10 years and I have 2 beautiful children with him.

When I first realized my sexuality and that I also had romantic feelings for women, my ex husband made me feel dirty and wrong. I lost my children in a custody battle because the judge thought I was confused about my sexuality so how could I possibly be a good mother. It wasn't until I went back to college and got my degree that I realized that sexuality can not and should not be brought into a custody dispute. How does ones sexuality decide that you can not be a good parent? I am, in fact, a great mother to both of my children. My daughter who will be 16 in a few weeks came to me a few years ago and said to me "Mommy, it doesn't matter to me who you love. It matters that you are happy and that's all we want for you."

As I said, I consider myself to be bisexual but I prefer the love and romance of another woman.

HUGS
Barb

[Thianne]

i'm young. there's probably a lot that i don't know about life and love. i just know that i like women, and that i might like men, too, one day, and that's okay. i define myself bisexual with a stronger pull towards women, but that could change. i guess it doesn't really matter to me, because the people who love me, accept and support me just the way i am. and also, i live for the moment, so i don't worry about what i may, or may not like in the future. i don't like labels, so when i introduce myself i just go with "hi, i'm valentina". if we bacome friends, they will know soon enough that i like women, and sometimes, also men.

[Emms]

You know... I really don't think it matter's what you label yourself...just be you...that's enough for anyone. but if you do feel the need to put a name to what you feel and nothing out there seems to fit, make up a new label...something snazzy like: ...bi-hetero-gaym-O ...er...or something less lame.

As for me... I am really, really gay. I am the gayest gay in the history of gayness. I am so gay that....well... *cough* there's no need to go into that much detail...

[WillowsGirlXX]

I agree I am not really much for labels when it comes to sexuality, as long as your happy then why worry. Being with someone who makes you happy is really all you need in life.

For the record i'm gay, i've known since 11 that I was not going to be heading off to boystown so to speak. While I have a few male friends, but I am not attracted to them, i've always known I liked girls.

I was very lucky with my family in that when i came out to them at 14 they already guessed that I was gay. My mom was very supportive of me whcih really helped me.

Rachel

[db]

Ya know. I've always rebelled against labels. I don't like to label myself; and I don't like to label others. It gets all label-y.

But if you need something... and sometimes you do, I often find myself using the word "queer". It works for me. It kind of encompasses a lot of things, and it doesn't feel boxy.

Queer works for my friend Amy who was with women for years but is now married to a man (her husbian) and had a super queer wedding, and for my friend jeff who has only ever dated women, but likes to consider himself open to dating men...and it works for me - I had boyfriends in highschool and I'd like to think that I would be open to dating men again if it worked out that way - but the truth is that all my romantic and sexual relationships of import have been all girlstown all the time since I was 18. I guess, in the spectrum of things, I am riding Emms' bus (being pretty darn super gay, riding a sparlkly bus on the way to gaytown).

... but when I need a lable, queer works for me.

just my two cents.

[Krokador]

Hehe, good question in a way, a bit useless in another (dont take this the wrong way).

I've had a hard time myself with my orientation, my parents were not exactly there, I was a loner (not by choice) when I was younger, my mom is gay but I knew only when I was 12... well those kind of things.

I had my first crushes on girls, and realized only 5-6 years later what they actually were. But I still did look at the guys and was like ohh sooo hot!

Results today, label: bi. Men are hot and sexy, women are warm, sweet and cuddly, and I'm more attracted to them for some reason I have no clue what is. But I,ve had rough times, my brain's a thinking and rethinking machine, and I ended up rebuilding my own beliefs and those kind of label just dont fit with my vision of things anymore.

Love has no gender whatsoever. It,s not something you can explain, but something you feel. Attraction comes with it at some point, so, if its a guy or a gal, why would it matter?

This is all society's normality differences that made those labels, what if we can get rid of them, the 'coming out' wont ever be needed anymore ^^. But that's me having an optimistic moment. As far as this goes though, its whatever you feel like. I think Emms idea of making up a label is fun hehe.

[Willowlover]

If you really need a label then you might want to try Bi-affectionante. My GSA Leader taught me that when I was trying to figure out what to tell people. It pretty much means that while im atracted to one gender that im still open to be with another gender. I dont say Im bi-sexual because Im sexually attracted to women but i still think some guys are hot and would consider dating them. The reason im not bi is because im not In any way shape or form sexualy attracted to guys. Although I really agree with most people who have posted, well read my signiture and it says it.

[guitarchic]

REPLIES:

Darth Pacula/Paul: First of all a straight man on this board blows me away. Are you trying to confuse me more??!
Just kidding, I appreciate your comment on not stressing out about a label and that the main thing is being true to who I love. Great point. Now if I can only find somebody (female) to bump uglies with!

Billy Yeh, I am with you, who wouldn't prefer women! I mean look at them man!!!! ... I like the word Bi-ish or straitish...cause I am neither one 100% Thanks.

Noe I really like your points on having hetero/homosexual romantic experiences....I was totally nodding my head when I read your post. Thanks for making me realize that I didn't need to put myself into a little box...I have a tendancy to be a perfectionist (gee, maybe this is my problem too) all I am doing is causing a lot of extra grief...and having the need of large quantities of alcohol which is wearing me out too!

One eyed chicklet Your reply really hit me hard in a deja vu way! I too am married with a child....losing her is my biggest fear. So I have been concealing myself and going through all this confusing stress. It's good to hear that I too can have a happy ending-outcome like you did. When you said you consider yourself "bi but prefer the love and romance of women" , I almost fainted...it was like you already know me. Thanks for the realization that I am not alone.

Thianne/Vale "Bi sexual with a stronger pull towards women" yep that would be me too. I like your comments about how we change because life is about changing. I totally agree. I will try not to worry about the future and I will let people I am close to know what I like. Yes, that I agree IS all that matters! Thanks

Emms Just be me? Yes, I agree that it will be enough for ANYONE to handle! You really had me laughing with your cheerful post. I am going to take your suggestion and make an imaginary purple snazzy label and call myself "bi-gayster"...cause I want it to uniquely fit me, how's that?!!
Now you said you are totally gay...my question is **loud shouting from a studio audience, "HOW GAY ARE YOU?!" Hahahaha, I am just kidding with you. Is that your picture on the aviator....oh my god if it is what a totally sexy woman, would you like to make me a lesbian?!!!!!

Rachel/Willowsgirlxx Your advice on being happy with whoever makes me happy is great. Yes, I will avoid focusing on the labels, they make me all wonky.
I really wish I would have expressed my sexuality early like you did, maybe my ignoring it all these years really did just make it worse not better. You are lucky to have a supportive Mom. Can she talk to mine? Hahahaha, just kidding! Thanks again

db Hey I would have been willing to pay you a hundred dollars for your 2 cents!!! Yes, you are right, I don't know why I am getting al label-y . Your queer friends are something else, wow..that's unique!! OK, I am gonna hop that sparkly bus to gaystown on a vacation someday soon, see you there love. Thanks for the reply

Krokador I really like your comment about love having no gender and that it is something you just feel. Wow, that is so true!
I like your optimism can you run for a govermental office and fix society's so called normality??!!! Please?!!! I'll vote for ya!!!

Willowlover Bi-affectionate, I love it!
Your signature says it all I agree!!! You are awesome, thanks!


You all have been so wonderful to little ole newbie me, thank you!!!!!!!! Lisa Michelle

[kivrin]

hi everyone!
I was searching for a post where I could introduce myself but i'm kinda bussy and my lack of time leaded me to just bump in right here and now.
I've been thinkin' about that questions lately....and you know what? who cares about the label people gives you? and who cares about who do you sleep with or not? sexuality must be as free as your clothes or your make up. i'm confused too but i'm very young so i've decided not to worry about it. i just love unconditionally every person i fall in love, without being judgmental with their sex. and that's all ! the problem is that the rest of the worl seems to feel like hurting me and damning my sexuality...yeah, our society sucks

PS: i'm sorry if I make spelling mistakes, even gramatic ones...but I'm not english and I do my best.

[guitarchic]

Well, said love! Yes, well, being young does mean all your freedoms and options are very much open. What a wonderful time in your life. Enjoy every minute of it. Otherwise, you'll end up old with issues like me! Just kidding. Rock on! Lisa Michelle

[Emms]

Emms Just be me? Yes, I agree that it will be enough for ANYONE to handle! You really had me laughing with your cheerful post. I am going to take your suggestion and make an imaginary purple snazzy label and call myself "bi-gayster"...cause I want it to uniquely fit me, how's that?!!
Now you said you are totally gay...my question is **loud shouting from a studio audience, "HOW GAY ARE YOU?!" Hahahaha, I am just kidding with you. Is that your picture on the aviator....oh my god if it is what a totally sexy woman, would you like to make me a lesbian?!!!!!

Rock on, guitarchic...! I love the new label it is indeed snazzy.

And to your shouting audience, I reply: I am so gay that under the word 'gay' in the dictionary there's a picture of me. *groan from the studio audience* Ahhhh tough crowd tonight!

And speaking of pictures. Yup, the avatar is me. *assumes lotus position* but I am not the avatar.... And you're makin' me blush..and I don't look good in crimson.

xoxo
Emms