The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[SithLordWiccan]

A: It's the way life works.

Q: If I went insane and had to be locked in a mental house, would anyone really give a shit?

[Auburn]

A: I think the more appropriate gift is fruit. Banana's mostly. I don't think shit would be allowed past the gate.

Q: Why are slippers called slippers?

[DameSansMerci]

Because they're made from cow slips.

Q. If you look into a mirror, is it you looking back at you, or the mirror?

[dynigirl]

A: your actually looking at you in an alternative dimention

Q How much doea land cost in Thailand?

[Candleshoe]

A: About £3.50 to you, love, less for cash. I've some nice bits of field in the back of the van, no questions asked....you're not from the tax department, are you?

Q: I drink Diet Coke, so why aren't I thin?

[Auburn]

Note: I really want to give the proper answer to this question.

A: You aren't thin because you're deliciously curvy in all the right places, just like mother nature intended women to be, however, you are more curvy on a Tuesday than any other day of the way.... don't ask why, I didn't make the rules.

Q: Why do mobile phones go off when it's most inconvenient?

[DameSansMerci]

They have a new inconvenience chip sponsered by the paper industry that keeps them from going off at the right moment...otherwise there'd be no signs on theatres and auditoriums saying "please turn off cell phones". It's all about the money.

Why is diet ginger ale more bubbly than regular ginger ale?

[FineyMcFine]

Because they replace the calories with bubbles.

Why do they call it a spelling "bee"?

[inlerf]

Because one day, up in the high mountains of the northern Alps, a group of raggedly dressed--hell, let's be frank, naked--herdsmen discovered, to their amazement, that the bees--a large, fat, black and yellow species with a tinge of blue that zigzags across their species' infamous Playboy-bunny-logo-like stripes--also known to them as "Th'! aoSMnnN!!" (yes, the capitalised letters are to be there. Those weren't typing errors), actually can compose homeric epic poems in the air wth their sharp, pointy little butts!

It has been said that Homer himself stole the bees' Odysseus and Illiad works, and therefore, in righteous rage they stung his eyes and made him blind.

Q: Holy bejesus! Where did that come from?!

[Auburn]

A: Your inner geek

Q: Why can't humans digest the outside of sweet corn?

[notl33t]

Sweet Corn: The Legend Continues a famous series on TNT answers this question in astounding detail Mondays at 9pm. I think it has something to do with learning martial arts.

Which direction does the earth rotate if you look down the axis of the North Pole?

[watty]

A: In the direction of the pink sunflowers.

Q: Why are friendships important?
[br]

[Candleshoe]

A: Because the journey is much worse in an enemyship. The room service is slow, there aren't enough sick-bags, the restaurant runs out of coffee, the cinema only shows re-runs of The Cosby Show (and there's a limit to how many times even a die-hard fan can watch those) that sort of thing - it's just a nightmare really.

Q: Why does the car in front travel slower when I am in a hurry?

[notl33t]

Candleshoe, don't you know that's me? I just want to slow down to show you I care!

Why does the bus only come when you've practically given up on it ever showing up?

[beanie]

A: Many years of relationships and sexual encounters have taught the bus that it's better to tease. The bus does indeed value that tactic of foreplay and it has found that it can come with a more satisfying -WHOOSH- sound afterwards. It's important to note that in the end the bus will come. Just don't give up hope.

Q: Why must young piano students always learn and play Fur Elise? (WHY WHY WHY?!?!)

[NewRuthRising]

A: Elise got fed up of sonatas dedicated to her sexual rival and cursed all pianos to play to her forever.

B: Why are hyenas always laughing? What's so frickin' funny, huh?

[beanie]

A: That is actually a common misconception. Hyenas are not laughing or chuckling or chortling for that matter (they're too skinny for the chortle). The true reason behind this so-called laughter is that many years ago, there was a cranky fat man (who chortled like no man's business). The details of what he did are debated by historians and car salesmen alike but it seems that he crossed a wise frog/prince who commanded his court mage (upon turning back into a human after kissing what is believed to be the buttocks of a Titan) to shrink the cranky fat man into a travel sized package.

This "package" was then set out for bait in the wilderness where the father of all hyenas, Mr. Hyena swallowed it whole thinking it was the balloon of well, narcotics he was supposed to pick up. (it's also a good time to point out that drug-mules should actually be called, drug-hyenas). Well sooner or later, stomach acid got to the best of the plastic wrapping in which the cranky fat man was wrapped, and the man began screaming from within Mr. Hyena's stomach. In order to relieve the air pressure the man built up in its stomach, Mr. Hyena was forced to open his mouth, letting the screams burst out.

Curiously enough, when Mr. Hyena produced all the little hyenas, they too grew up with cranky travel-sized men in their stomachs who ranted and raved all the time. So the next time you see a hyena "laughing," take pity on his poor soul. After all, he has a tummy ache.

Q: How does my air conditioner work?

[notl33t]

Air conditioning works according to the Hot Sex Cold Air principle. The more Hot Sex that is occuring in the world, the Colder the Air Conditioners of the world can chill the places they work in. And there is also a proximity rule, the closer the Hot Sex, the Colder the Air Conditioner. For these two reasons, Air Conditioners are much colder at night, especially when one is engaging in Hot Sex.

Why does the copier run out of toner only when I'm using it?

[Candleshoe]

A: The teensy little man inside the machine who usually draws all the pictures really quick, doesn't like you.

Q: What is "Hot Sex"?

[Auburn]

A: Sex in summer.

Q: Why are huge sunglasses fashionable?

[beanie]

A: So as to create balance in the world with the time when huge glasses were popular,

Q: Why are there no letters designated for the 1 button on phones?

[NewRuthRising]

A: The number one, when discovered by mathemagicians (sic) was deemed far to important to be tainted with common alphabetitis. they got in their numerical time-travel machine and made all phones revolt against it. This caused a massive shockwave in time, resulting in a huge counter-revolution inthe seventh dimension, the only evidence of which (in this plane) is Alphabetti Spaghetti.

Q: Why did they have to 'boldly' go? Why couldn't they kind of sidle along cautiously with shields to full?

[Leaf]

A: By the time that it was time to go where they had to go, sidling was hideously out of fashion. It was a macho sort of phase on the momentum scene. Soon after, the re-emergence of the saunter paved the way for a sidle or two. All parties were muchly relieved.


Q: Who was that masked man?

[beanie]

A: Santa

Q: Why do combs have teeth and teeth don't have combs?

[NewRuthRising]

They made a deal to share and the combs reneged.

Why is it a pair of knickers/panties when it's one garment?

[umgaynow]

A: Because like everything else in the world, men control the knickers industry...therefore, since the bits a man has in his drawers add up to a sum of two...man-logic dictated that the covering for said bits should be a pair of knickers instead of just the solo knick

(OK this is kind of lame but it seemed a shame to let such a tres faboo thread just languish...and as we all know...loose threads in your knickers might in some cases actually make you giggle a bit)

B: Why are there always dead worms on the pavement after it rains?

[NewRuthRising]

A. Acid rain. Dumb worms listened to Big Business' line on glomal warming and got fried. Dumb shmucks.


Q. Is the Hokey Cokey really what it's all about?

[Candleshoe]

A; No, only Smarties have the answer. The Hokey Cokey is merely a pretender to that throne.

Q: Why put fish oil in bread?

[NewRuthRising]

A: To pacify the chips. When the chip butty was invented the fish gloated so much that the Sandwich Armistice was drawn up to prevent all out chip shop genocide. They both get eaten. The bread never got a say.

Q: Where is the sodding Rowntree? They never showed the last advert in the series!

[dynigirl]

I think It's just next to the square peg, but really it could be anywhere Nestle are evil (am I allowed to say that? or lets reword I don't like Nestle)

Which day is the best of the week?