The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[inlerf]

A: Because you'll end up crying and wailing and kicking your feet on the floor like a child forbidden to buy a toy; or, you'll end up screaming happily you're going to Wales with your arms in the air disturbing the air molecules; or, you'll be passive and apathetic about the whole idea and your girlfriend would have to pull you by the ear. In any case, in all the infinite possible scenarios that could occur, God knows, and God wants you to suffer.

Q: Why are grapes so round, juicy, sweet and firm?

[NewRuthRising]

To keep you occupied when your girlfriend isn't around. Cause she's juicy, sweet and firm as well, and nature abhors a vacuum.


What's the difference between mauve and puce?

[StaceAngel]

Mauve is the colour that the "puce" turns when somebody squishes it. Puce being french for parasite!


why doesnt water have any specific taste?


Stace xXx

[bookworm_willow1]

Water is like tofu- it takes on the flavors of whatever you mix with it. The government disguises the brainwashing chemicals they put in water by filtering it of taste.

Why is a tomato a fruit, but it is never seen in fruit salad?

[umgaynow]

A: Just plain ignorance...tomatoes aka wolf peaches were long thought to be poisonous and humans are often ones to get notions stuck in their heads despite the facts of the situation...so, despite the fact that it has been demonstrated again and again that a tomato is in fact a fruit, most people's prejudice prevents them from thinking of it as anything but a vegetable...because stemming from early childhood one often has an acrimonious relationship with vegetables and a love of sweet fruity things...also, it could be that disturbing larval appearance of the inside

B: Under what circumstances could I get away with killing my excessively annoying mother without ending up as a media sensation or some big ole Bertha's bitch like on Prisoner Cell Block H?

[Boschi]

Wake up sweetie, yer dreamin' - Bertha

Q: Where are my boots?

[NewRuthRising]

They ran away to sea after seeing the Village People video to "In The Navy".


If this is the question, what is the answer?

[intricate mirage]

A: This answer is the answer to the question asked.

Q: Why does alcohol get you drunk?

[umgaynow]

A: Because alcohol is a realist and knows that its the only way you would ever have sex with him

B: What is AMC (American Movie Classics) doing playing cheezy teen movies from the '80s?

[JustSkipIt]

A. They're not. While you were out of the house, someone reprogrammed your remote and cable box.

B. Why do people call in bomb threats?

[Candleshoe]

A: Because it causes more havoc than calling in cheese threats.

Q: How much is too much?

[Thianne]

A: *outraged* now THAT is TOO MUCH!!!!

Q: would a blue orange still be an orange, or would it be something else?

[umgaynow]

A: A blue orange would be something else...to be exact, it would be moldy

Q: Every now and then you move into a house or apartment and there seems to be a switch that does not turn anything on or off, what exactly is this switch attached to, huh?
(inserted "huh" so as not to end on a preposition)

[NewRuthRising]

Your brain, or your bank account. It depends whether you moved in on an odd or an even day?

Why do I spend ages looking for my glasses when I'm wearing them?

[intricate mirage]

A: Because your glasses have a life of their own and they have conspired with your brain for you to forget you're wearing your glasses, that your vision is currently not great, all because they wanted to kick back, have some popcorn and watch how idiotic you will look!

Q: Why does chocolate cheer me up?

[NewRuthRising]

Because every single time you eat chocolate you think "wow I'm glad I'm not eating sprouts"

Why is the alphabet in that order?

[StaceAngel]

Somebody got angry while playing scrabble as they had three R's, two W's and two T's, and they desperately wanted an A to squidge between a J and an M to achieve a double word score. As they flung the board and its letters into the air the letters settled in the order A, B, C etc better known as our alphabet.





Why is the word abbrieviation so damn long?

[NewRuthRising]

Grammar has a wry, ironic sense of humour. Punctuatuion, on the other hand, is fond of slapstick and knock-knock jokes, which is why smilies are so cheerful.

?

[intricate mirage]

A: Because mankind is regressing.

Q: What is pop music such a guilty pleasure?

[umgaynow]

A: Because it was raised Catholic

Q: How many newspapers have to pile up outside your door before someone comes to check whether or not you are dead?

[NewRuthRising]

twelve. However, leave two consecutive copies of Lesbian Swimwear Models Weekly on the mat and there'll be police, ambulance and fire crews round before it's finished bouncing perkily off the first copy.

Why is it always in the last place you look?

[ruggerchica]

A: Because "The last place" is the warehouse at the corner of the universe, in which a interplanetary reposition agency, even thought not authorized too, takes all your "its" and hides them.

Q: Why is the sky blue?

[NewRuthRising]

A: Who cares? We beat the chat record! WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Q: Can I go to bed now?

[watty]

A: Only after Luca finishes knitting the sweater for James' Giant Peach.

Q: Who is Luca?
[br]

[NewRuthRising]

Luca is a large black Mastiff with an energetic demeanour and an over-freindly tongue.

Why do spider plants not die despite being in the same soil for three years and only being watered every four months or so?

[db]

A: Because they are the repository for spiders' souls and are nourished by their 8-leggy souliness.

Q: How many racoons were in my neigbor's tree last night?

[NewRuthRising]

None. There were however three squirrels, seven chipmunks, eighteen owls, seven confused antelope and one disgruntled elephant, all pretending to be raccoons.


Does no-one else suspect that there's a sign saying "Death To The Enemies of the Republicans" in every government building in America?

[db]

A: Yes, you are correct.

Q: Where does the other sock dissapear to?

[ruggerchica]

A: There is a portal in the washing machine that beams every-other sock into space. They are all currently in orbit around the second moon of Venus.

Q: Why is Oktoberfest in September?

[NewRuthRising]

The person who invented it didn't like the picture on the October page of his calender. The September one was much more pleasant.

What are the seven signs of aging?