The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[Candleshoe]

A:
1. Being grumpy
2. Going to bed at 9.30
3. Hair in the wrong place
4. Short term memory loss


Q: Why has my printer got a paper jam?

[Auburn]

A: Because the toast is on strike.

Q: Why are hospitals quiet places?

[NewRuthRising]

Any time you make noise they increase your dosage. Whether you're a patient or not.

If it's a horse of a different colour, what colour was it to start with?

[Floyd]

A new colour that boggles my mind if I try to imagine it!

How does my dog know when I am leaving?

[db]

A: It is the special "leaving scent" exuded by your exiting nodule. The exhaust valve is on the front of your jacket. Helpful Tip: Sometimes you can plug it up and keep them off your "leaving scent" by dribbling spagetti sauce or other food on your front.

Q: If doing 'diddly''* actually means doing nothing, then does 'diddly' mean something or not?

*get your mind out of the gutter, right this instant.

[NewRuthRising]

There is some debate on this point as 'diddly squat' is taken to mean nothing, but 'diddling' is an active verb. A ver vigoous verb, in fact. flip a coin. It's an all or nothing type of deal.

Why is it so hard to find a decent pair of jeans?

[Boschi]

It's hard to find a pair in a full house. Some might say impossible. Try next door.

What pest does "pesto" contain?

[DameSansMerci]

A. Pesto does not contain any pests at all, but rather is the ground-up essence of the souls of lesbians who died from frustration at having to watch Season 7 reruns...over...and over...and over...again.

Q. Why do they call it homework if everyone does it right before class anyway?

[Lucifer]

A: Because if you did it home it's work, but if you do it right before class it's copying

Q: Why do computers like to die right in the middle of saving a junior thesis?

[umgaynow]

A: They are jealous that unlike most grad students they will never have the opportunity to sleep with a co-ed who covets their econ notes

Q: If the Sci-Fi Channel executives were intelligent enough to see the special talents of wonderful women like our girl Amber and the fabulous Claudia Black...what they hell are they doing broadcasting something as moronic as professional wrestling?

[Boschi]

A: Blink. Blink. Blink. BlinkBlink. Blink.

Q: Do you like my blankie?

[Saena]

It's stylish looking, but it would be a lot more practical if it weren't made of tinfoil. Just a hint for next time.

Why do we hollow out pumpkins at Halloween to make jack-o-lanterns?

Saena

[Candleshoe]

A: Because hollowing out carrots results in some rather rude shapes.

Q: Why aren't there 25, or even 30, hours in a day?

[Leaf]

A: Well, there used to be. Have you lost them?

Q: Just what was Boschi doing with a tinfoil blankie?

[robotguru]

He was trying to protect his mind from the evilness of ultraviolet boogymen.

Boogymen, of course, always go away when we stick our heads under a blanket, that is a well known fact, if you stick their head under a blanket, they'll get a hell of a loada nausea - it's not nice not knowing whether or not you exist. Adapting to this, boogymen have learned to use ultraviolet waves to project their image from a safe distance, new weapon, new defence needed.

Why won't the boogyman leave me alone?

[umgaynow]

A: They are hungry and wrapped in all that tinfoil...well, you kinda look like a baked potato

Q: If pine trees are "evergreens" why are there all those brown needles on the ground?

[Boschi]

A: You must have been near a clinic. Sometimes it takes a little somethin' extra to stay green all the time.

Q: What is bridge all about anyway?

[kisstheviolets]

A: The Hokey Pokey, naturally.

Q: Why does an increase in age result in a decrease in the size of your perspective of something? i.e. things seem smaller when you're older.

[Thianne]

A: if things were directly proportional, the world would get bigger and bigger. if you think that there were some philosophers that thought that the world didn't exist if there wasn't the human eye to define it, that would mean that if we saw the world bigger it would actually *be* bigger, and it would swallow the whole universe, and then explode. so, i guess it's actually a good thing, this reverse proportionality thingie.

Q: why are hyppos so essential for the world, and the other hyppos in particular?

[umgaynow]

A: If by hyppos you mean Hyperactive Hippopotami...well, it is because the "other" Hippos are so lazy...the "hyppos" are needed to keep the others from sleeping all day...otherwise there is bound to be some sort of bizarre hippo sleepwalking type incident where the hippo has been sleeping so long it forgets it is in the river and believing it is awake and on dry land, starts breathing through its nose and drowns...which is why we must have "hyppos" in order to keep this Hippo tragedy from happening on a regular basis...also where would we be without the dancing hippos in tutus and toeshoes in the Disney classic Fantasia...certainly an image in the public consciousness...although if by "the other hippos" you actually mean "The Others" then, if watching Lost has taught us anything, all of what I have just said is just blowing smoke up your ass and nobody really knows what is truly going on with those crazy hippos...they killed the sexiest one anyway

Q: How is a raven like a writing desk?

[DameSansMerci]

A: The secret lies within you. I can only show you the door...you must be the one to walk through it. However, here's a hint: it has something to do with duct tape, post-it notes, goldfish, and a magical unicorn...which all collaborate to produce the Great American Novel.

Q: Where can I find the best cheese in town?

[Thianne]

A: well, depends on the town, the country, the continent, the world, the universe, your height, your weight and your eye color

Q: why does the tear of an hungry child weight like the whole world and the tear of a fussy child less than a feather?

[DameSansMerci]

A: Well, it depends on the exact world and feather you're measuring. Some are heavier or lighter than others, respectively. Also, sometimes both tend to jump up and down at random, making the scale show a greater or lesser apparent weight.

Q: What exactly goes into Caesar salad?

[NewRuthRising]

The answer is neither rulers of ancient Rome norlettuce and other crap with goo on top. The answer in fact alien flesh sawdust, acrylic paint, polystyrene and industrial-strength laxatives. That last one is why they're so popular with the skinny crowd, but let's face it, you aren't gonna get that lot out of your gut without 'em, are you?

What is the point of daddy-long-legs?

[umgaynow]

A: Daddy Long Legs is a Fred Astaire movie and therefore doesn't require a point...just a lot of nifty dance numbers and a little humor and some sappy romance

Q: Why do nipples get hard when it's cold out?

[Candleshoe]

A: They freeze. If you don't believe me, try licking one - your tongue will be stuck there for ages.

Q: Why is most of my mail junk?

[NewRuthRising]

Karma. Although if you want to get more postmen fired you could always fill in that form thingy to stop some of it. Then again, getting them fired would stain your karma further, resulting in more junk mail, more postmen firing...it's a vicious circle.

Why has no invented a hot water bottle in the shape of a pair of knickers for when you have cramps?

[db]

A: Ah. But they have. S'true. They are activated by air. You peel off the backing (which activates the heater item) and stick to the inside front of yer knickers. Thermo something or another. Brilliant geniouses them.

Q: Why must political pundits be so bleh?

ETA: It is called "Thermacare" here's the link http://www.thermacare.com/menstrualwraps.jsp

[NewRuthRising]

Hang on, you stick em to the inside of your undies? Won't that get...messy?

Answer to the question: It's the law. Blame the republicans.

Question for the answering: What else can we blame the republicans for?

[watty]

A: The inconsistencies in the sizes of holes in cheeses.

Q: What is the root cause of air pollution?
[br]