General Chat Thread

[guitar_girl]

yes i have done that and sometimes the reaction is different every time. Sometimes she is fine and all hunky dory but sometimes she says thats gross

[Guest]

Hi guitar_girl,

During those five years that the two of you have been friends with each other, she must have displayed a certain penchant for dating interests in either sex – if you are clear about this information at least, it could be a good start for learning about what to do or not in your situation.

I agree with Sera on learning of her opinion about lesbianism. When she says that it's gross, is she thinking in terms of a love or sexual relationship between girls or is it something else that repulses her? If you clarify this issue as well, it would help you move forward in the sense that attitudes about lesbianism, whether positive or negative, do not necessarily predict how a person shall react towards it in reality. She's your best friend ... and you remain the person who is best placed for knowing how she could behave upon learning that you are in love with her. It will depend on the solidity of your relationship.

But as you've also expressed your fears of being exiled or made fun of in the community you live in, it becomes indispensable to create a network on which you can rely on if there is any problem of that sort.

Keep up with the courage and good luck,

Vi'

[Paint the Sky]

Hi guitar girl, my friend above gives good advice, talk to her some more about these things when they come up in conversation.

My advice would be to get her drunk and try your luck, but this has been pointed out to me, by the lady above, as very irresponsible and not the most sensible/mature approach, and I do agree with that, so keep with the talking.

You spoil all my fun, dodogirl - lol

(I was joking about getting her drunk, by the way, I wouldn't seriously advocate that approach)

How does she behave with you? Is she affectionate in a touchy feely way? If so, is it just with you or with all her friends? Observe how she interacts with you as apposed to others.

Anyway, good luck with it. It sucks being attracted to your best friend, I feel your pain.

[guitar_girl]

Hey guys thanks for responding. To the question about her dating prefrence, she has only dated one guy since I have known her and that was when i first met her. That if you ask me was kind of not really dating in a way. I know the guy very well (my guy best friend, i have known him way longer than her) they went to the same school and they only talked over the internet. They never even held hands or huged. I have dated more guys than her (to see if she would get jealous, i know thats low). To the question about how she acts around me, she is very touchy. All my other friends hardly like her cause they feel she is to possive over me. A couple of girls have gone so far to say that she is a lesbian with no doubts in there mind. I just don't know if they are telling the truth or if they are saying that because they don't like her. I hope that she feels the same way about me but i'm way to scared.

[thiswomanswork]

Hmm.

Were it me, I'd just sit down with her one evening & ask, 'hey, seriously, what would you think if I were gay?' and go from there. I'd be scared as hell, but at some point the security provided by hiding onesself becomes not worth the pain it causes.

Your mileage may vary.

[Guest]

My dear moo buddy, did you know that the dodo birds had been knocked unconscious by the Dutch because of their much too keen interest in the barrels of liquor that the hungry sailors would keep handy?

[Coughs]Um...but please don't ask me to situate Holland on the map tonight.[/coughs]

guitar_girl,

I noticed that you have mentioned primarily fear as the factor for your indecisiveness as far as the relationship between you and your friend is concerned. You are tuning out, you are avoiding an impending rejection and there is almost a gravitational pull in your mind creating that. If however, you choose to bring into awareness those elements from your past currently responsible for your fear of rejection or of being ostracised, you may start by inoculating yourself against repetitive behaviour that would further endanger you – such as dating guys so as to make her jealous; I think it's not really lowly as a behaviour in your situation but it has created a shield. A shield for yourself (albeit a necessary one) which is encouraging you to rely on collective opinion for a realisation of how she might be feeling about you.

Although what your friends have thought of her and the relationship provide information that you aren't able to see through the veil of love, your opinion, evaluation of the situation and feelings about her behaviour towards you count foremost.

Hence, I am agreeing with Sera over here. It could be a pretty good idea to try this method of fishing out information. It feels safe. It is safe.

Hey...I really hope you manage to know how she feels about you. I have been in loads of situations like these before and I can understand your pain.

Take care,

Vi'

[Paint the Sky]

My dear moo buddy, did you know that the dodo birds had been knocked unconscious by the Dutch because of their much too keen interest in the barrels of liquor that the hungry sailors would keep handy?

So, the moral of the story is, if you want to get eaten, get drunk?

Ya, see, my original advice to guitar girl wasn't that far off the mark

[Guest]

They were eaten only once though so at the deeper level, the moral of the story is:

If you want to avoid not being eaten again, stay away from the liquor.

[Zampsa1975]

guitar_girl

Do you initiate touching or does she? If she does then you might test her reactions by holding hands and "accidental" touches...

[guitar_girl]

Thanks for all the wonderful advice and replies from all of you. It has really helped me out a lot. I have never been able to talk about my feelings about her with anyone so it feels good to get some of it out.

thiswomanswork,i don't think i am ready to do that quite yet. I think i am way to scared to do that as of right now, mabye one day when i have just about lost my mind from not being with her. I thank you for the advice and if i were braver i would totally try it. again thanks.

nimloth, i think you're right. I am putting up a shield, but i do it automatically. Every time I think she mabye feels the same way about me I do something to make her think I don't feel anything but friendship for her. It is just every time i think maybe she does feel something i tell myself she never could for me because she is so much better. I tell myself that i am just reading to much into a touch or something she said while at the same time i pray that i am wrong, that she actually loves me like i do her. love is just so damn confusing. Maybe i should get her drunk(too bad she doesn't drink). I am just joking LOL. I'll be honest though I have thought about it and i'm just about desperate enough to do it.

Zampsa1975, We both do our fair share of touching. I'll try to test her but i'll need to build up some courage first. The other night we were in bed and she said something very teasing and i told her i would tickle her if she didn't take it back the only thing is she can control her tickle spots and i vowed i wouldn't quit until i found one she couldn't control. I checked pretty much every where(i was about to die from pleasure). Some how we got to talking about how she loves cold chills and i ended up trying to give her cold chills and tried on her back. She told me how amazing it felt and i ended rubbing her back until she feel asleep that night. How is that for testing?

Well thanks again for everything guys.

[whatmakesyouhappy]

SSL hows your Monday going?

[sweet satin lover]

Hello there, well its tuesday here and I will be getting to bed soon but at the moment I am looking on those sites and am too excited!

[whatmakesyouhappy]

I have to tell you, you look very sexy in your pj's

[sweet satin lover]

lol um...thanks but I am wearing a grey noghtie with the pagan star on it lol

[whatmakesyouhappy]

not in my mind(wink wink)

[sweet satin lover]

Ok then haha in my mind Christina Ricci is feeding me ice cream, yummy lol

[whatmakesyouhappy]

ohhhhhhhhh good one! So what does this site you found have thats making you so excited

[sweet satin lover]

Its a site called the white gooddess and another one with a free in depth Wicca and Tarot course, it lasts for about a year and there are regular exams but it really looks like fun!

[whatmakesyouhappy]

so you just study over the computer?

[sweet satin lover]

Yes, one thing that worries me though is what if I do on holiday amd miss an exam or something- I am meant to be going on holiday this year if I can.

[whatmakesyouhappy]

do you have a laptop or maybe they will be on holiday to if it's a you know holiday

[sweet satin lover]

That's true but I don't have a laptop sadly I am using my old computer that I have been using since I was 18!

[whatmakesyouhappy]

So how soon do you find out if you past all your test?

[sweet satin lover]

I am not sure, from waht I can see the Wicca coiurse lasts for 12 months and there is a test after each lesson which is one lesson a month so I guess after the 12 months. There is also a 20 week Tarot course but the tests for that are every 2 weeks and I think that copmes after the Wicca course, I hope so or else my brain will be om meltdown mode,I mean its cool and I know most of it anyway but I have always fancied officially studying it you know?

[whatmakesyouhappy]

that sounds very cool.Why are you mad at channel 4?

[sweet satin lover]

Oh the channel did this thing yesterday in a programme and it was dissing Paganism and saying it was a hell route and evil and things like that, I get that people all have their own opinions but it is so not like that. I think religion is a very personal thing and we are all allowed to believe what we like as long as people are good and kind, the guy had no respect and thats what bugged me.

[whatmakesyouhappy]

was it a news program? what do you have to do to get in to the Wicca classes just sign up?

[sweet satin lover]

Not a news thing exactly but a documentary type thing. Yes you just have to sign up and then activate the account when they send you a confirmation e-mail

[whatmakesyouhappy]

sounds like a show the christion right would sponsore.

[sweet satin lover]

the show is called "Make me a christian"