Title: The Chronicles of Dopeygayland
Author: tarawhipped (Cameron)
Email:
tarawhipped@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy.
Feedback: Always welcome.
Distribution: Please ask first.
Notes: 1. It would probably help to have read the first two in the series. If you haven’t, please do so now. We’ll wait. *hums*
2. For songs sung by multiple people, I had to settle for a pseudo ‘screenplay’ format (pseudo since I don’t really know the proper way) to make it clear who was singing when. I hope it’s not too cumbersome.
3. Song credits (music/original lyrics) will be posted at the end of each chapter.
4. I tried to stick with fairly well known songs, but if anyone needs a refresher on a tune, I’m sure most, if not all of them are available on YouTube in some version or other. Due to the frequency of broken links, I’m not posting any.
Thanks and dedication: Thanks to Car and Watty for all the inspiration and encouragement throughout the DGL series. My gratitude to all the Kittens who have read and commented on this and my other stories.[br]
This is lovingly dedicated to the memory of Allan Sherman, whose album
My Son, the Nut forever shaped my sense of humor.[br][br][br]
[center]Dopeygayland 3: The Musical![/center][br][br]
Prologue[br][br]
previously on Dopeygayland…[br][br]
The furniture had been pushed aside, the ingredients prepared, Anya’s necklace returned with a stern warning. Hugs had been exchanged, several with inappropriate gropes, and two still tipsy promises to get together again sometime. Giles recited from an ancient text while Anyanka focused her power to open a portal, which opened in a flash of light and blowing wind. Slayer Tara took her pet’s hand and walked toward the swirling mass.[br]
“Hey,” Buffy stated, patting her jeans. “What happened to the Gem of Amara?”[br]
Tara reached into her pocket and frowned. Vamp Willow grinned wickedly and held out her hand, where the ring sparkled in the dancing light of the portal.[br]
“You mean this one?” she asked coyly, wiggling her fingers.[br]
Buffy leapt forward, tackling the vampire and sending them both into the abyss.[br]
“Buffy!” Willow shouted, diving in after her best friend without hesitation.[br]
“Willow!” Tara echoed, throwing herself in after her new girlfriend.[br]
“What the fuck?” the remaining Slayer said, charging after the group.[br]
“Bloody hell,” Giles exclaimed with an exhausted sigh, walking hesitantly up to the barrier until it enveloped him and folded in upon itself.[br]
Anyanka brushed her hands together, nodding once in satisfaction.[br]
“Thank God that’s over with,” she stated, plopping down on the couch and turning on the tv.[br][br][br]
Meanwhile, in an identical living room in another dimension…[br][br][br]
“More tea, anyone?” Giles inquired, trying to ignore the sound of teeth gnawing on bone. [br]
“No thanks, G.,” Faith replied after a long belch. “You got any more of that pie?”[br]
“I’m afraid not,” he answered with a tight smile. “Buffy inhaled the last piece before starting on the gelato.”[br]
Wesley stood and began stacking the mounds of dishes on the dining room table. Faith reached out and grabbed a half eaten roll from the plate on top, nearly upsetting the entire pile. He turned away with a barely concealed grimace and hurried to the kitchen.[br]
“Let me help you,” Giles blurted out, rushing after his irate partner.[br]
“Why must you keep inviting them to dinner?” Wesley hissed as soon as they rounded the corner. “It’s like watching a pack of starving hyenas!”[br]
Giles couldn’t help but agree with the apt appraisal.[br]
“I’m so sorry, darling. On the bright side, at least they appreciate your marvelous cooking.”[br]
“Not that they paused to savor anything,” Wesley sniped. “You’d think they were each giving birth to quintuplets the way they’re at it.” The pair peeked around the corner just in time to see Buffy and Faith locked in a tug of war over the last spare rib.[br]
“They should be leaving soon, and then I’ll make it up to you,” Giles promised.[br]
Wesley smiled and gave him a quick kiss.[br]
“I’ll hold you to that. After this meal I need a nice quiet, relaxing evening.”[br]
Just as they rejoined their gluttonous guests, a blazing light and blowing wind centered in midair over the living room brought the Watchers to a standstill. Even Buffy and Faith paused in their chewing to stare as a portal opened up and began dropping bodies in a pile on the antique sideboard, which splintered and collapsed with a loud crack.[br]
“The credenza!” Wesley shrieked.[br]
The people on the floor slowly disengaged their tangled limbs as the swirling mass above them imploded with a final burst of wind and flash of light. In the commotion, one of the newcomers slinking silently out the door went almost unnoticed.[br]
“Good Lord,” the Gileses intoned as one, removing their glasses to peer at each other.[br]
“Hey, she looks like me!” Buffy commented through a mouthful of rib, pointing the bone at her counterpart.[br]
The Slayer looked at her twin, aghast. “About fifty pounds ago, maybe,” she sputtered.[br]
“Watch your mouth, blondie,” Faith warned as she put a protective arm around her partner’s shoulders and leaned in to peck her cheek. “Don’t listen to her baby, you look beautiful.”[br]
“Oh my god, it’s true,” the Slayer continued. “You two are…Will, this is where you…and everyone was…and Giles…and Wesley!”[br]
“Wait…shouldn’t you have given birth by now?” Willow asked the pregnant pair.[br]
“Any day now,” Buffy smiled, rubbing her belly.[br]
“But it’s been months!”[br]
“You hit your head again, Red? We saw you two weeks ago,” Faith replied.[br]
“Okay!” Tara exclaimed, clapping her hands for attention. “Welcome to my dimension. You all more or less know each other, so I think we can skip the introductions. For you newcomers: everybody’s gay and time apparently moves slower here.”[br]
“Tara, I assume you can explain why the five of you just dropped through a portal into our living room,” Giles said with just a hint of exasperation.[br]
“Breaking a very valuable antique in the process,” Wesley muttered.[br]
“Sure thing, G-man. Well, Willow and I…wait. Five of us? Who’s missing?”[br]
“An antique that has been in my family for generations,” the disgruntled Watcher continued.[br]
“Willow left,” Buffy supplied, giggling as Faith helpfully licked the barbeque sauce from her mouth and chin.[br]
“Dammit!” Tara shouted, sprinting to the door.[br]
“Dare I ask what’s she done now?” Giles asked.[br]
“Apparently she has the Gem of Amara,” his twin replied.[br]
“She’s gone,” Tara reported as she walked back into the apartment.[br]
The explosive argument that followed consisted of a great deal of recriminations, accusations, protestations, and name-calling. It finally ended when one agitated voice rose above the rest.[br]
“HEY!”[br]
The group paused as one and looked at Faith.[br]
“Are you sure there’s no more pie?”[br]
“Look, I know I fucked up, and you can bitch at me all you want later,” Tara said to the Watchers. “We’ll split up, find her, and send the Gem back with these guys.”[br]
“A sound plan,” Giles agreed. “But I’m not sure having multiple versions of people running around is a good idea. People know Willow as a vampire, which could put this girl in danger," he explained, gesturing toward the redhead. "Unless of course…”[br]
“Nope, not a vampire,” Willow supplied with a smile.[br]
“They can handle themselves,” the other Giles replied. “Willow has been fighting alongside Buffy for years—”[br]
“
Buffy is your Slayer?” Wesley asked, incredulously.[br]
“Got a problem with that?” the diminutive blonde challenged.[br]
“No, none at all. So then…Tara?” he inquired, looking at the woman who had so far remained half hidden behind Willow.[br]
The shy blonde shook her head and smiled shyly.[br]
“Extraordinary,” Giles mumbled. He shook his head. “Still, it is a bit…different here. I wouldn’t want them to feel discomfited.”[br]
“Oh come on,” Buffy scoffed, striding to the front door. “How different can it be?”[br]
She flung open the door to find seemingly all of Giles and Wesley’s neighbors gathered in the courtyard. As the newcomers watched in stunned fascination, the group began to sing.[br][br]
[center]
Dopeygayland! (to the tune of “Oklahoma!” from Oklahoma!)[/center][br][br]
[blockquote]“Dopeygayland,
Where the queens go swishing down the lanes.
Where the boys you meet,
Are all so sweet,
In their leather, taffeta, or chains.[br]
Dopeygayland,
Is the home to lesbians galore.
Whether butch or femme,
Even androgyne,
They will always leave you wanting more.[br]
Dopeygayland,
Once you visit, you will long to stay.
Tea dance with your pals,
Potluck with the gals,
It's a gay time each and ev'ry day!”[/blockquote][br][br]
Willow stepped forward, closed the door, and turned to wag an accusing finger at Buffy.[br]
"You just had to ask, didn't you?"[br][br]
TBC[br][br]
“Okahoma!” music by Richard Rodgers, original lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein[br][br][br]
by wimpy0729 » Sat Jul 09, 2005 7:47 pm 
Just had to tell ya. 
And I hope you continue this at some point. 
-Me
(Have you ever seen that video about Charlie the unicorn? When I read your reply all I could think was, "Shun the non-believer, Shhhuuuunnn." Why? I have no idea.) And please do know I was joking about that... other... story. I truly am one of those freaks who can appreciate the incomplete. If you ever finish it, super, if you don't, no pressure at all - it's still wonderful and imagination fodder.