Guys being interested in you

[amazon]

Two times this year boys have had feelings for me. The first one was the first person who's ever showed any interest in me. This was very weird, because it had never happened before. I felt really bad for him, and I tried to let him down easy when I told him I was gay. I ended up kind of breaking his heart. Even though we hardly knew each other. He tried to make me change my mind several times, saying "We can try and see how it goes etc. etc." I tried too explain that I could never start a relationship, that I knew would never work, and than end it and risk hurting him. I don't know if he's over me yet. We don't speak much any more. Which is sad because he could have been a really good friend.

The other one I found out that he liked me today. I just decided to tell him quickly to avoid any misunderstandings and heartbreaking. I think I shocked him a little. It didn't seem like he knew what to say. He is in my class and he's a really good friend, that i don't want to lose. But I think he took it well. I guess I'll find out in the next days.

I was wondering if any of you other kittens have been in this kind of situation. What did you do? How did they react? I just feel so sorry for these great guys. I hate being the bad one, although I know it's not my fault and I shouldn't blame myself.

Why can't the girls fall for me instead

[Dorothy]

I usually atract boys that are too pathetic for words. I've got one stalking me for over a year now, I believe it's almost two... He wants to marry me and says I dont have to be gay and lonely because I can get better.... I can get him (ugly, uninteligent, anoying and a bit mentally challenged, added in with the stubbornness and insensitivity he's got to him)

I once made the mistake of "trying how it works out" after a boy followed me aroubd for a year and a half and it ended up in hell. Not a good thing, he had things to offer, safety, knowledge, love and a great group of friends (I didn't have any)... But we shoud never have been more than friends. I do not recomend anyone to ever do that. I ended up breaking his heart after he got mentally abusive on me and kept telling me he'd kill himself cause I didn't love him (that was before the breakup).

Lately I get mostly hit on in the non-romantic way "hey baby, you're beautifull, wanna be my girl" which makes it easy to decline. And I'm very out so boys who know me all know about the gayness.

But it's hard wth stalkerboy, since he's in love, obsessive and kind of mentally chalenged which makes me weak and unable to be hard to him 'cause he's kinda innocent.

[terrabean]

Ouch, I am glad that I don't have to deal with that much. I have had a couple incident's with guy's wanting me, but not much. I am kind of oblivious, so there might be more that I don't know of. I am incredibly out at school, so I doubt anyone would try, but you never know.

The one instance where a guy was interested in me was right before a school dance, as in we were at an event, and it was closing up and we were all heading over to the dance. This guy was kind of socially not in the best place, and her introduced himself and all, and then he was like, "are you going to the dance" and I told him "yeah, but I'm gay". Needless to say, I saw him at the dance later with my gf, and lets just say he definitely knew I was gay after that.

-terrabean

[LikeAnAmazon]

It's always awkward when guys have feelings for me. Last year two different guys asked me out to homecoming near the beginning of the year. I rejected both of them, but I'm not completely out so I didn't tell them why. One of them took it okay. The other one kinda freaked out and wouldn't let it go; I told him I wasn't going and he kept asking me why not. Eventually he was half-shouting at me in the middle of the hallway until the inute bell rang and he stalked off without another word. After that he wouldn't stop trying to contact me until sometime during the summer. I remember checking my phone one morning and he had texted me "good morning, beautiful." Which seeing as I hadn't spoken to him in months I found to be more than a little disturbing.

[Ariel]

Hi All!

Okay, I'll lay it down from the get-go. I am well past my "Hottie" phase. But I worked at the Renaissance Faire and wore a leather bodice and need i say more? I learned that when a man violated my personal space (allowing for cultural differences yada yada) that I needed to leave immediately. I have had my breast grabbed and been shoved into our washing well. As time went on I became incredibly aware of my circle of safety and who was at my back.

On the issue of the stalking stuff, I recommend with all my heart that you women read The Gift of Fear which discusses in clear terms how to handle guys you aren't interested AND the danger signs to spot controlling guys who are more likely to become violent. I say this as someone who worked at the Oakland City Jail and who was once (briefly) an Oakland Police Officer. The short version is to be clear that you are not interested and break contact. But please, read the book. Don't want anyone to be hurt.

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother

[JustSkipIt]

Ariel - I rank that book among my top 5 of all time. It literally changed my life.

[Ariel]

On "The Gift of Fear" - thanks Deb!

On the guys interested in you. It's important to to be clean about it. Women are taught to be nice (all this right out of the book) and men are taught to persist. Think "The Graduate" with Dustin Hoffman assaulting a wedding AND stealing the bride! So women try to let a guy down easy and guys often take that as a green light to move forward. So really, say no and then do not continue contact. Do not take calls, e-mails, texts, just move on.

Ultimately he will go somewhere else if you aren't feeding the obsession, barring the true crazies!

Anyway, life at the Renaissance Faire - wild costumes late night parties, being other people by day, believe me! It was a wild environment. I came out in my 20's and life got a LOT easier for me when I did! On the washing well, we were an all women's acting ensemble and we (literally) fought for each other on occasion. There really were very occasional times when it got scary. So I learned a lot the hard way and if I seem preachy forgive me; I saw friends/sisters getting assaulted.

Also, as an assault survivor, I learned to listen to that "bad feeling in my gut" and react appropriately when I felt it.

Finally, I just want to say that lots of men at Faire jumped in to help a woman in trouble - there were plenty of decent guys out there who respected woman and acted honorably. Don't want to come off as 'Hater' because the Faire family had sisters and brothers, too.

Safety for all!

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother