Just got back from a free Patty Griffin outdoor concert. I really love her.
And before I get to Chapter 10: Mike, good to see you. I'm glad Giles' past worked; I'm aware I took what some might consider to be liberties, but not me. Thanks for saying "invention," too; that's nice. Hope RL treats you well in the coming weeks; I'll be patient about seeing what you think of chaps 10-18.
Murasaki, although this next chapter puts a little more angst into the mix instead of lessening it, I really want to do right thing by Willow. And I hope I will. I don't know if the show's writers can ever fix what they did, but on Pens, we can, and that's what's kept me going lately. Thank you so much.
Warning: Angst and Cliffhanger. I am putting a little more angst into the picture, but I promise, it will be short lived.
Title: Terra Firma Chapter 10: One Step Forward
Author: Tulipp. Email:
tulipp30@yahoo.comFeedback: Yes, please. Distribution: Please let me know.
Spoilers: Everything.
Rating: PG-13 in this part.
Pairing: W/T.
Summary: Tara’s back, and Willow might use magic again. Everything’s fine. Isn’t it?
Disclaimer: All characters and various plot events that set up this story were created to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc, but they belong to the fans. No money changing hands here.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to Ruby for always-insightful beta-reading. She always knows when Tara needs more. And to J. who helps me chisel away at my plot.
Terra Firma
Chapter 10: One Step Forward
The first step towards vice is to shroud innocent actions
in mystery, and whoever likes to conceal something
sooner or later has reason to conceal it.
--Jean-Jacques Rousseau
When Dawn and Buffy returned to the Magic Box, having turned up little more than an easily-slain Ssoj demon and a gathering cloud of rumors about the Poet, they found Xander and Tara tense at the research table, silently flipping through a massive pile of books. Anya leaned against the counter, her arms crossed over her chest. She looked up when the bell over the door rang.
“Hey, we brought pizza,” Dawn announced, sliding the boxes onto the counter.
“Yeah, and we washed our hands first,” Buffy added lightly. “No monster slime toppings this time.”
“I still don’t see what the big deal was,” Anya said crisply, moving to open the top box. “That was a perfectly good pizza that I paid for with hard-earned money. Anyway, it tasted sort of like chicken. You know, if you closed your eyes and ate really quickly.”
Dawn wrinkled her nose. “Eeuw,” she said. “I don’t want to know, right?”
“No,” Buffy said firmly. Dawn saw her sister glance at the closed door of the training room, and then at Tara and Xander, who had hardly looked up from the table when they had come in. They were talking now, and Dawn eased a little closer to hear.
“…trust Giles on this,” Tara was saying, her voice pleading. “I’ve been thinking a lot about everything, and…and it’s not as clear cut as I used to think it was. It’s complicated. It’s….”
Xander closed his book. “Right,” he said, his voice tight. “And you’ve been doing all this thinking exactly when? You’ve been alive again for, what, 24 hours?”
“Xander!” Dawn couldn’t keep the shock from her voice. “What’s going on?”
“Dawnie,” Tara said; her eyes cut back to Xander, who pushed back his chair and headed for the pizza. Tara watched him go and then looked down at the table for a moment. Her fingers traced the raised letters on a leather-bound book. “Dawnie,” she finally said again, looking up at her. “I’ve hardly seen you. Come sit with me.” She patted the seat next to her. “No Glory action, I promise.” She smiled, sort of. “What’s this about headaches?”
Dawn shrugged and took the paper plate of pizza that Buffy handed her. “It’s funny,” she said, “but I haven’t had one since you’ve been back. I mean, I know it’s only been like a day, but it’s a whole day. And the last couple of weeks, I was having them all the time. More and more, in fact. Maybe I was allergic to England.”
Tara leaned forward. “I’m sorry you were going through that,” she said. “We have to get you to a doctor, see what’s causing them.”
Dawn shook her hair back before blowing on her pizza and taking a bite. “It wasn’t that bad,” she said through a mouthful of cheese. “They never lasted very long, and Willow always took care of me.”
Tara smiled. “You know, Dawnie, Willow said the same thing about you.” Dawn flushed with pleasure. She had done that, hadn’t she? Even with the headaches. It all seemed so long ago, so far away, the distortions of sound and sight. The voices pitched high and the crowded white on white images. The headaches that made her rigid with pain.
“It’s all blurry now, anyway,” Dawn continued. “I mean, whenever I had them, Willow was always there. Like, every time. I don’t remember that much, but I remember that one thing. Willow was always there. I kind of think that.…”
Dawn looked sideways at Tara, wondering if she should tell her the other part, the part she hadn’t even told Willow. She wasn’t even sure it even meant anything, the missing time.
But Tara wasn’t really listening to her. Not really. Her eyes kept darting to the closed door of the training room, and more than once Dawn thought she was going to just get up and walk over. Finally, Dawn shrugged and took another bite of her pizza.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” She gestured to the other paper plate on the table. Tara nodded and pulled the plate toward her, smiling quickly. But Dawn had had a lot of practice at reading faces that summer. Well, one face anyway. And she could see now that Tara’s quick smile was a cover. That all she was thinking about was Willow.
****
Tara watched Xander eat three slices of pizza without pausing before he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and took a breath. He’d eaten standing up, and now he shifted from foot to foot.
She understood where he was coming from. She really did. She had been there herself, weeks ago. Well, months ago now, but it felt like weeks. Weeks that stretched endlessly backward in her memory because they felt like whole years that she had spent without Willow.
But everything was different now. Maybe she should be wary, too, but it just wasn’t in her anymore. Not after today. Not after the previous night. She knew Xander was thinking of the Willow who bruised others, but even after all that Tara had heard that day, she could only see the bruised Willow, the Willow who was black and blue inside and needed her. The Willow she had finally—oh God, finally—found again.
Tara’s cheeks burned with the sense-memory of Willow’s hot tears on her face. She had tasted Willow on her tongue, and she had worn Willow on her skin. There wasn’t a shower in the world that could have washed that away. And no magick would ever, could ever take that away again. She felt that now, deep as muscle and bone.
“Are you okay? You look upset,” Dawn said now, and Tara realized that her cheeks really had flushed red. She pushed her chair back.
“Xander,” Tara said, trying to think of something that would convince him, that would make him see. “She’s going to take it slow. We’ll all help her.” She lifted her chin. “I’ll help her.”
But Xander slammed his fist onto the counter. The pizza boxes moved, and Tara flinched. “You weren’t here, Tara,” he said. “You didn’t see this place. She destroyed it. I just put it back together again.” His voice rose. “ She was insane. She was scary as hell. She was….”
Tara’s jaw tightened against his words. “She was wrong, Xander.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a second. “She knows that. But it’s different now.” She hoped that Willow would keep talking to Giles for a few more minutes. She willed it. “I’m going to see her through this. I’m not going anywhere again.”
“Great,” Xander threw his hands up. “That should do it then, since you’re perfectly safe. No Glory anywhere. You’re in no danger. I feel really reassured.” He scrubbed at the sides of his heads with his fists.
Tara’s breath came out in a shudder. She couldn’t put what she knew to be true into words. She looked helplessly at Buffy, who seemed to understand and stepped in, moving toward Xander, one arm outstretched.
“Xander, we’ve talked about this,” Buffy said, her voice low and controlled.
“ You talked,” he said, jabbing a finger at her. “Giles talked. I listened. But I didn’t like.”
In the taut pause that followed, Tara saw the door to the training room open, and Willow stopped in the doorway, her eyes restless until they settled on Tara.
“Sweetheart,” Tara said, forgetting about Xander for a moment as her body sought out Willow. She felt the familiar pull as they moved toward each other. Which of them was the magnet? Tara wondered. She slid her arms around Willow’s shoulders and felt the body, stiff with tension, soften against hers. One of Willow’s fists was clutched to her chest, but Tara felt the other on her own neck, felt the damp palm under her hair.
Still grasping Tara’s neck, Willow turned to look at the others. Tara could sense the anxiety coming off her in waves, could feel the rapid pulse through the palm on her neck.
“Xander?” Willow asked. Her voice was tight and thin. He looked down, flexed his fingers. “Xander, please talk to me.”
“I want to talk to you,” he said tersely. The steel in his voice stabbed at Tara, and she gripped Willow’s shoulder more tightly.
“Jesus, Willow, that’s just it. I want to talk to you every day. I want to see you every day. The real you, not some scary witch who could lose it at any second.” He took a step toward them, and Tara felt Willow shrink against her. She held on.
“Okay, Xander, you need to cool off,” Buffy said, stepping in again and putting a hand on his sleeve. He shook off her arm and walked away.
“Right,” he said. “Cause I’m the one you should be scared of.” He laughed, a short, terse laugh. “That’s rich, Buff. She tries to the end the world, and you’re scared that I might hurt her?”
“Of course I don’t think that,” Buffy said quietly. “But I think you’re upset, and I think you’re scared. And I don’t think Willow needs to hear this right now.”
Xander met her gaze for a long moment, and then he shook his head. “I’m sorry; I am.” he said. “I wish I could be Mr. Supporto here, but I don’t know how.”
“Would you like to know what I think?” Anya spoke. Tara started. The world had shrunk for a minute to the strained triangle of Willow and Xander and Buffy, and she had forgotten that the others were still there.
“I think you like her this way,” Anya continued, her voice cold but calm. “Weak and needy.”
“What are you talking about?” Xander turned toward her.
“She needs you,” Anya said, her heels clicking onto the floor as she slid off the counter where she’d been sitting. “And you like it. You get to keep on being the hero this way.”
Xander stared at her. “No,” he said. “No. It’s just….” He deflated suddenly, and Tara could almost see the anger as it left him, the huge puff of it leaving him smaller. He was just a boy.
“Willow,” he said, and his voice drooped with defeat. “I saw you smile this morning for the first time in months. I don’t want to lose that.”
Tara felt the pull as Willow broke the protective circle of her arms and took a step toward Xander, reaching toward him. But he held his palms out against her.
“I understand what they’re saying, but the magick…it takes you away, Will,” he said, tilting his head. “And I don’t want you to go. Not anymore.” Sliding his keys off the end of the counter, Xander turned and walked away, up the stairs to the door. And he closed it, very quietly, behind him.
They all stared at the closed door for a moment. Tara half-expected it to open again, half-thought that Xander would come back in, apologize, pull Willow into a hug and tell her he was sorry, that he would support her no matter what. But he didn’t. The door stayed closed. Xander stayed gone.
Finally, a little numb with the shock of it, Tara pulled her eyes from the door to look at Willow. One hand was still clutched to her chest; the other held stiff a few inches from her thigh, reaching toward where Xander had been standing the moment before. Tears had beaded on her chin.
Tara reached for her again and gathered her up.
****
The road to the Magic Box was paved with good distractions. Doc smiled to himself. The Poet, indeed. Give a man a Norton anthology and a few tae bo lessons, and he thought he could take on the powers of darkness. He looked familiar, and Doc had almost stopped for a better look, but there were more important issues at hand.
Doc knew better. Fighting was all well and good, but if you didn’t have the proper tools, jabs and punches didn’t get you very far. Look at the Slayers….they were an endangered species. Always the last of their kind. He’d learned that lesson many years ago, and he’d stopped wasting his energy on them.
No. Far better to have education than to fight. Book learning. The classics: Latin, Demonology, Sumerian, Celtic Runes and Artifacts. A really long tongue and a tail didn’t hurt, either.
The Key…now there was a tool he’d have liked to have added to his repertoire. Too bad they’d missed that once-in-a-lifetime chance. The Key would never open that particular door again. Not that one.
But there were other doors. He wondered idly if she was aware of them, that little girl.
And he was headed for one of them right now. To see an old friend. To get some answers. And to find his Glory.
****
Tara rubbed her hand over the small of Willow’s back, pressing gently. Willow had been breathing slowly since Xander had left, just sitting and listening to the others talk--or not talk--and trying to be calm. She had been almost ready to try the magic, Tara thought, but Xander had scared her.
He had meant to, she thought. And it had worked.
So Giles and Anya were poring over the books, looking one last time for a way to chart essences without using magic. Dawn was helping, casting worried looks at Willow from time to time. Buffy was leaning against the bookshelf, her eyes on the front door to the shop.
She was still and silent, but Tara could see that she was thinking furiously.
Tara turned back to Willow. It would all be fine. It had to be. Maybe they were making something out of nothing. She felt normal. She didn’t feel any connection to Glory. Nothing at all. And she would talk to Xander herself. She would make him understand.
Willow still held one hand to her chest. Tara had thought it was the clenched fist of anxiety, but now she looked more closely and saw a glint of metal near the base of Willow’s thumb. She took Willow’s fist in hers and unfolded the fingers to see a small pewter object on a chain in her palm.
“It’s a pendulum,” Willow said. “Giles gave it to me.”
Tara turned the inch-long pendulum over in her hand. She held it up to the light so she could see it better. “What did he say it’s for?” Her voice had slowed, but Willow didn’t seem to notice.
“It was his grandmother's,” she said. “It’s supposed to be a reminder of balance. Walking the line.”
Tara fingered the pendulum for a long moment before handing it back to Willow, whose hand closed around it tightly again. And then she looked at Giles thoughtfully.
“I think,” she started to say. The symbol was familiar, and she thought that it meant something else, something important.
“What is it?” Willow said.
Tara glanced at Giles again, and then at Willow's green and trusting eyes. “Nothing,” she said. “It’s lovely.” She smiled at Willow, pulled her close, and kissed her forehead. “And I’m sure Xander will feel differently soon,” she said softly against Willow’s ear.
But over Willow’s shoulder, she looked at Giles, and the wisps of a thought gathered. And took shape. And clouded her eyes.
To be continued in Chapter 11, “Cabaret.”
Edited by: Tulipp at: 8/5/02 6:36:55 am
by Tulipp » Fri Aug 02, 2002 3:34 am 
when's the next one? and as i outed myself in your thread as one who didn't quite love Giles, i now realize that Xander too is yuck (never liked him too much either)! and Giles did something bad or at least weird by giving Willow that pendant - he's sneaky 
.
at: 8/5/02 1:47:43 pm