Anyway, be prepared for angstyness. When you've read this I suggest you drink a litre of vodka and watch the Hush whilst lying upside down. What, like you've never done that before
anyway, here's chapter 8.Title: Finding Me
Part: 8/?
Author: Alyson Walker
Email: alysonwalker@hotmail.com
Website: Plenty of Magic – http://www.plentyofmagic.cjb.net
Feedback: Yes please, don't make me beg
Spoilers: none unless you watch Buffy with your eyes closed
Rating: PG-15
Pairing: Willow/Tara
Disclaimer: The grr argh guy and some guy named Joss own everything – please don’t sue me, I have nothing except four pence in a bank account I have forgotten the pin code to!
Summary: Set 3 months after Oz left Willow, but Tara was never at the same University as Willow
Notes: Willow’s thoughts are in << >> and Tara’s are in (( ))
“Buffy” Willow said in shock.
“Buffy?” Tara asked confused.
Willow looked at Tara, then looked back at Buffy. << Oh god, this is not happening! >>
“Why are you here? How did you find me?” Willow asked.
“Well it only took two months or so.” Buffy said sarcastically, “Slaying takes a back turn when your best friend is missing.”
“Willow, what’s going on?” Tara asked confused.
“Who the hell are you?” Buffy asked angrily. Lack of sleep and an explanation from Willow was taking its toll on the slayer.
“Don’t talk to her like that!” Willow defended. “This is Tara, she’s my girlfriend.”
“She’s you’re what?! Oh I get it; It’s not enough for you to abandon you’re friends just because you cant get over you’re ex-boyfriend, you have to come here and change your whole existence and try to be something you’re not. Willow, you can’t just run away from your past completely.”
“That’s not what I’m doing at all Buffy! You have no right to say any of this to me, you haven’t been here, you don’t know anything!”
“You don’t get to be the one who’s angry Will! You left us with no explanation! I was worried sick about you! Xander and Giles have hardly slept with the worry you put them through.”
“Willow, what’s going on.” Tara asked painfully. (( She lied to me. Oh god, everything has been a lie. I thought she loved me. ))
“Tara, there’s a lot to explain. That’s what I was going to tell you tonight.”
“I have to go.” Tara said, then opened the door to leave.
Willow grabbed her wrist, “No, Tara please! I love you, please believe me, I never meant to lie to you.”
“Willow, it’s too late, I have to go.” Tara shook her arm away from Willow and ran to her apartment.
She went to follow but Buffy moved to hold the door closed before Willow could leave.
“No more running away, we need to talk.”
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Tara ran into her apartment and slammed the door behind her. She threw herself on her bed and cried. (( How could she do that to me? How could she? Was our whole relationship just a way of making a point to her friends? Oh god, what am I going to do? ))
Tara began crying again. She ripped the necklace Willow gave her from her neck and threw it against the wall. Then she began to cry more because she loved that necklace. She picked it up again and held it to her chest. (( No, what I felt couldn’t be a lie. No, it can’t be. I know I love her, but if she loved me, why has she kept so much from me? ))
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“Buffy, I need to go after her.” Willow tried to open the door but Buffy held it shut firmly.
“No Willow, we need to talk. Besides, I would wait a while to let her calm down, I don’t think she’s ready to talk to you.”
“Oh, now you’re doing the best friend helpful thing!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well you come parading down here all moral superiority because I ran away. Well when I was in Sunnydale I might as well have been gone. You don’t need me Buffy. All I do is research with Giles even though he can figure it out on his own. You’re never around to speak to, Xander is too busy having sex with Anya and I’m fed up being alone in my dorm room. When I came here, I met Tara. I love her so much and I’m not alone anymore.” Willow broke down after she had opened her heart to Buffy and Buffy hugged her tightly. Angel made his way out of the apartment while the two girls cried into each other’s shoulders
“I’m sorry Wills. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you. But I do need you. We all need you. You can’t give up your education to get some crummy job here, and look where you’re living, its not good enough for you. Please come back with me.”
“But I want to stay here, I want to be with Tara.”
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Tara was still sitting on her bed with her legs up to her chest. She had finally stopped crying and was thinking over all the wonderful moments she had with Willow to reassure herself that the beautiful redhead did love her. She heard a soft knock at the door. She got up to answer but paused when she thought it might be Willow.
“Tara? It’s Angel, you don’t know me but I’m a friend of Willow’s.”
Tara opened the door. “H-hi.”
“Hello. Is it alright if I speak to you?”
Tara nodded.
“Um, I need you to invite me in.”
Tara looked a bit confused for a minute, “Urm ok, come in.”
“Thanks. Sorry about that I’m just…overly polite.”
Tara went over to sit on her sofa and Angel sat on a chair opposite her.
“What did you want to say?”
“Well, I don’t really know what Willow has told you about her past. But, I think she may have hid some things.”
“She hid everything. She lied about everything.”
“Tara, I have known Willow a long time, and she is one of the kindest, most loving and honest people I have ever met. I know this must make you doubt what she feels for you, but you just have to look at her to know how much she loves you.”
“If she loved me so much, why didn’t she just tell me everything?”
“She was probably scared. Willow has grown up very differently to most people. She had to keep a lot of secrets in Sunnydale.”
“Sunnydale?”
“Let me start at the beginning…”
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“But, you’ve only known her for a couple of months Will.”
“It wasn’t long before you fell in love with Angel.”
“Good point. But Will, what kind of life are you going to have here? You’re smart, you should be doing some well-paid high positioned job. Not flipping burgers!”
“Buffy, if I go back with you, I won’t be happy. Tara makes me happy. That should be all you need to know.”
“Ok, I’m just being stubborn because I love you so damn much! But you’re right. Hope you don’t mind my constant visits though.”
Willow smiled then hugged her friend.
***********************************************************************
“So when Oz left, Willow felt a bit unwanted and she decided to move here. Buffy was worried sick and we worked together to track her down. Well, you know the rest of the story.”
“Wow. That’s wow. Well I knew about v-vampires and demons and stuff, my mom was a practising witch, she used to tell me stuff about it and creatures from different dimensions. But, Willow helping in the centre of all that, with the s-slayer and all, it’s definitely a suprise. Why didn’t she just tell me?”
“When people are scared to loose the one they love, they can do some crazy things.”
“Yeah that’s true. But, I just don’t understand why Willow would want to stay here. She should be at university working to get a job that’s good enough for her. Not to mention her friends and f-family she should be with.”
“But she’s happy here with you. She has to do what makes her happy, but more importantly, you have to do what makes you happy. Well I better get back to Buffy and make sure that she and Willow aren’t ripping each others throats out.” Angel joked.
“Yeah, thank you Angel.”
“Anytime.”
Just before Angel left Tara asked, “Angel, can you do me a favour?”
***********************************************************************
Half an hour later, Angel entered Willow’s apartment where Willow and Buffy were sitting hugging and crying happy tears.
“Well, things look a lot better than since I left.”
“Yeah, Willow is gonna stay here with Tara. Speaking of, you better go and speak to her Will, she looked pretty upset.”
“Ok, I’ll go now. You can crash here if you want.”
“Urm, no that’s okay.” Buffy decided after taking a quick glance round Willow’s not so charming apartment, “Angel is letting me crash at his. I’ll come by yours tomorrow and we can hang out if you want.”
“And you can buy me ice cream if Tara dumps me.”
“Don’t worry Will, she loves you. She wouldn’t leave.”
Willow smiled then hurried out of the apartment to run to Tara’s.
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She knocked on the door, but no one answered. She tried the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked. When she opened the door she looked around in horror at Tara’s bare apartment. Tara had left, and take all her belongings. Willow felt a sense of déjà vu wash over her. She saw a letter lying on the bare mattress. She walked over and read it.
My dearest darling Willow,
I love you so much; I will love you till I die. But, I don’t think it was right that you never told me about you’re past. You know I would have accepted anything you had to tell me. We can’t have a relationship if you can’t trust me. I need to do what is best for both of us. One day we will be together, but now is not the right time.
Love always,
Tara
xxx
Willow clutched the letter in her hands tightly then fell to the ground and cried her heart out.
TBC
((Please)) 
